A
female
age
30-35,
*arah1268
writes:I have been with my bf for almost 2 years, and everything is wonderful. We are both very social and every weekend we used to clubbing and drink with his friend etc. However, in the past 2-3 months when we went out he would drink the same amount and stuff but would get very angry and he would fight with me about anything. So I decided to stop going out with him, except when he went out with the boys he would end up getting in fights with them! I would get call from him at 2am that he was alone cuz he ran off or something. So I know it wasnt me, he couldnt even go out with his mates. A few weeks ago it was my gf's 21st and he came with me to the city, it was all good till we left and then I said something like ' I saw you look at that girl' and he lost his mind! He kicked a wall and ran off leaving me in the city by myself. I didnt answer his calls for 2days . He msg me saying he has a problem and hes not going to drink anymore etc etc ( but to be honest thats not what I want, i mean we are both 20years old I wanna go out and have a good time with him). So after that he didnt drink for like a month then last night he went out with the boys and I got a call 3am saying he cant tolerate his drinks and he cant remeber anything and he sounded really sad. Im still not sure what happened. Im so sick of it, I hate having to worry about him when I not there. Its like he is a complete different person when he drinks. I have no idea what to do, he never used to be like that. He has no idea what his limits are which worries me the most. I love him so much and I want to help him but I have no Idea how to....has anyone else been in this situation? any advice?
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (1 April 2011):
Hi there. Drinking heavily and becoming agressive can be a big problem in any relationship, as you are already seeing.
He makes promises which he clearly can't keep - well not for very long anyway. One month is not bad.
But the real problem as you already realize, is not so much that he drinks alcohol, but more that he becomes agressive once he's intoxicated. That's the real problem.
Before long, it's possible that he might turn on you and hit and physically abuse you. You might end up seriously injured and in hospital! You don't want to go down that path, that's for sure.
Obviously, it doesn't matter how you try to tell him about his drinking problem and what it does, he will only make promises to stop - until the next episode.
He's running out of chances.
Although you don't like it, you are enabling him, by taking him back and continuing in the relationship. He knows that because you love him so much, you will just take him back every time, so he just keeps on with it.
He has no reason to stop, does he?
In any case, it's only him who has to make a decision about his life - not you, or anyone else for that matter. You can't do it for him.
It seems to be reaching a point where it is almost intolerable for you. It's every time you go out to places they serve alcohol.
It's no point in giving him an ultimatum - "stop drinking or else it's over!" - that won't work. He'll just make some more promises again, and the next time and the next.
People often drink heavily when they are either bored or uninspired with their lives. It's an excuse to forget that they live a life that seems to have no purpose. Maybe he feels this way.
Mind you, I'm not condoning his behaviour at all, I'm trying to clarify it to you.
I can't see if you said this in your question, but are you living together or not?
If not, it's easy. You just don't contact him and don't answer his calls or text messages.
If you do live together, it's slightly different. But not impossible. One night when he goes out with his mates, you could go out yourself or go and see or stay with your parents and sleep the night.
It's really important that you distance yourself from this situation, as one day it could turn deadly - for you! I don't want to see that happen.
It really doesn't seem like he's going to change his drinking habits any time soon. And it is a habit - not a particularly good one.
It is your choice of course, but regardless of how you feel about him, you're going to have to make a choice about your own life now. Leaving him seems like the wisest choice.
You can't change him - only he can do that. But he must be ready - sincerely - to make that change.
Best wishes and take care.
A
female
reader, fishdish  +, writes (1 April 2011):
 You have to understand that even though you're young, you want to have fun with him via going out and drinking, he really doesn't have that luxury, he has a problem. I would encourage him to get help if you care for his health and wellbeing
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