| Latest articles: Reflections on my breakup
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30 May 2011: I just broke up with my boyfriend of six yrs, my only serious relationship at this point. The most startling feeling I have is after weeks of build up of anger, bitterness, and hurt towards my partner, the ambivalence and second-guessing I'm now ...
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Do my scars discomfort her?
Q. Hello people, I have a problem here, or maybe I'm paranoid. Either way, I know this gal, She's 21, and I'm 27. Oh and I should make it clear that I have a number of scars on my body and 2 on my face because when I was in Afghanistan in duty an ...
A. 14 July 2010: I wouldn't yet jump to the conclusion that she is feeling disgust towards you and your body-she may feel disgust towards the people that abused it, and it is jarring to people who are accustomed to a certain body type to be exposed to a 'different' ... (read in full...)
I know you can't tell me WHO to choose, but HOW can I choose between two great girls?
Q. Alright, so I've got a "happy" problem; there are two girls who like me. Some time ago I asked a girl out. We'll call her Brunette. She couldn't go on our first date; she had work. She couldn't go on our second date; she had to babysit. And she coul...
A. 23 June 2010: I agree with the people that are saying you can test both waters on a friend-level...but MY gut says redhead's cooler. plus you liked her from the beginning! i know you said not to choose who, but I don't like how flakey brunette is, even if she is ... (read in full...)
After years of friendship we slept together and now its all weird!
Q. I made a monumental mistake. I had sex with my best guy friend I mean we are talking years of a friendship! Immediately after it happened I broke down and cried I realized I wasn't crying because I regereted the act but the fact that our friendship ...
A. 11 June 2010: I think you need to try to reach out to him and explain what exactly prompted you to go into a sobfest right after having sex, I don't think that necessarily is the biggest ego boost. Tell him what you want to happen next, whether it is just back to ... (read in full...)
I'm worried that my boy friend is having the same relationship over again.
Q. i'm worried that my boy friend is having the same relationship over again. by boyfriend is a few years older than me, and a little more experienced in the dating world. I know I'm the youngest person he's dated, too. he's my first out of high...
A. 21 May 2010: i think they're valid, to an extent..how many partners establishes a pattern, is it 2 or is it 10? how long has he stuck around with these virgins before ditching them, i mean the appeal of the virgin thing would be the de-virginizing so if you ... (read in full...)
Why was he embarrassed by the birthday gift I got him?
Q. i was wondering if anyone out there could help me understand this. Why would a guy you have known for yrs and have a casual relationship with and are also good friends with. say to you that he was embarrassed by the birthday gift you gave him, eve...
A. 20 May 2010: maybe he feels silly cause it could make him look like a glutton? ... (read in full...)
What was a condom doing in my boyfriend's wallet?
Q. I was snooping through my boyfriend of 2 years wallet (yes I know that's wrong but I was looking gore a business card he has) and I saw a condom in there. this kind of bothers me because its the kind of ...
A. 20 May 2010: Maybe this is too sneaky, but I'd consider taking it out of his wallet. If he doesn't mention it and you look at it again and see that again it's been replaced, I'd ask about it. Or, maybe he'll notice it's missing and ask what happened and then you ... (read in full...)
I'm a guy and I'm scared of sex...
Q. hi, I'm a guy and I'm scared of sex... Before anyone asks, no I'm not a virgin but being a guy, there's a whole lot of pressure to achieve... And if you don't, there's that horrible look (and sigh) of dissappointment. Not only that but girls nearly ...
A. 18 May 2010: I disagree slightly with the previous poster. Not that you should be consumed with your future reputation, but you should WANT to please your partner, and leave her satisfied. Why don't you ask her to rate your sex lives, does she think it could be ... (read in full...)
My b/f is coming home from Afghanistan, how can I tell him I'm not ready for marriage yet?
Q. Hi guys, I am in a long distance relationship, with my bf in afghanistan in the military; i'm nervous that when he gets back he's going to propose to me and i'm not ready. while i feel strongly about him, his coming back will signal our first ti...
A. 17 May 2010: Hey I have an update,
My bf came back about a month ago, and in person we talked about what pace to take things, and he said it first that he wouldn't want to get engaged til we were far into school (which we're going to start in fall), so at leas... (read in full...)
Complicated love-square
Q. So, I slept with the man I love who also happens to be one of my closest friends. It happened two weeks ago and it was sincere and passionate and amazing, everything I had imagined it to be for all these months I had been in love with him. ...
A. 16 May 2010: let's take the friends first. you two are not involved with either of these people are you? The male you're not interested in, just tell him straight out, i'm sorry if i've lead you on in some way, but i do not feel the way you do, i'm actually ... (read in full...)
This whole situation is so messed up!
Q. This is kinda LONG. But please i need some advice So ive known this guy 3 years.. (i ask a question refering to what specifically happened between us so im gunna brief you) So he always like me.. Even when i started dating my boyfriend he was saying ...
A. 16 May 2010: I was following you up until you lashed out at him. He was in a vulnerable, difficult position and you kicked him when he was down...I think your aggravation was based off of your wanting him to make a clean break with the girl and end up with you, ... (read in full...)
What do you recommend I do before taking this relationship any further?
Q. FIVE MONTHS BCK!!! I met this guy on a house party arranged by my best friend and that first meeting with him was quite a thing to remember for the rest of my life! He was extremely courteous and chivalrous to me n my girlfriend till he got d...
A. 11 May 2010: So how long have you been dating now, since Valentine's? And you're still testing him because he wanted to kiss you? You're playing games with him and it's not very honest. I understand your not wanting to be kissed by a drunk stranger, but at this ... (read in full...)
Creepy teacher!
Q. Ok, i'm not gonna sugercoat this. I think my tutor is a pervert and his actions are starting to make me feel uncomfortable. I am by nature a flirty person, but it's not always in a sexual way, just giving people an ego boost if they look like they ...
A. 9 May 2010: it's definitely NOT your fault, he's the adult, he was the one that decided to favor you and give you those breaks, which he knew you would like, and was hoping he could get you to like him in different ways too. it's best you tell a counselor or ... (read in full...)
I told him I had a problem with porn, now I watch it myself
Q. Thank you for taking the time to read this. I'll get to the point. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. I love him very much. Each passing day I want and need and taste for him. I have had many abusive relationships. I told him that I ...
A. 8 May 2010: First of all, I feel like you owe it to your boyfriend to be honest and say you watch porn too and therefore it is not off limits for either of you anymore. i don't think it's right to be making rules that you yourself can't adhere to, but that's ... (read in full...)
Is this a mid life crisis or has she fallen out of love?
Q. Hello, What I am finding most difficult is I don't understand what happened to my wife. After 17 years of apparent happiness and what on the face of it was a life with so many good things happening and ALSO to look forward to but BANG she says 'I...
A. 8 May 2010: If she is representing her issues accurately, resentments can just build over time if there is no communication, you know, and maybe she didn't mind compromising or feeling compromised if meant being with you (or at least having the security of ... (read in full...)
Will he leave me? My past says so
Q. Me and my BF have been dating for almost 7 months and i have this insecurity that he is gonna leave me for someone better. He tells me all the time that he loves me and for me not to worry cause it wont happen but yet I still worry because the past ...
A. 26 April 2010: something i've learned recently, is that commitment to a person does not just mean loyalty but also your determination to cast away the doubts, insecurities and other obstacles leading to your heart. if you keep your heart open, give your all to ... (read in full...)
Going in circles - which of us should back down?
Q. Okay here it is... I met a guy(we will just call him Steve) a little over 2 years ago and we have gone back and forward for the past 2 years because I don't want to stop dating people until he makes a committment to me and he doesn't want to make a ...
A. 21 April 2010: i'm interested in why you think he's the one that lacks commitment in the relationship when you won't even try making the relationship exclusively you and him, which is the first step TO commitment...why should someone commit to a person who is ... (read in full...)
My family thinks I'm a bad parent!
Q. I have 3 sisters, all of us moms. I have 1 son who is 19 and still lives at home. Ever since the time he was born my family has criticized my parenting skills. My family all live in a small canadian town, my husband and I move to california before ...
A. 11 April 2010: From the perspective of a child: As the recipient of ZERO sex talks with my parents and having to find out what it was through health class, I was very resentful of my family for NOT telling me how sex works, and what my parents wanted or expected ... (read in full...)
What do you think of: "I want to get you pregnant because I love you"?
Q. if i man said to you that last time you made love to you... he wanted to get you pregnant.. and he said he wanted to do it because he loves you.. what would you think? and this was many years ago....
A. 11 April 2010: I agree with ebony, it sounds like you both are finding yourselves at different stages in life than where you had originally found yourselves, and it seems like it may be a better time for you to settle down in this capacity, but take it slow, feel ... (read in full...)
If I watch lesbian porn does that mean I am a lesbian?
Q. dear cupid, I regularly watch lesbian porn. i am a girl aswell. I dont know if i'm a lesbian or not because i'm still attracted to boys. But not attracted to girls. i don't know what to do! help!...
A. 10 April 2010: if you watch the cosbys does it mean you're black?... (read in full...)
What do you think of: "I want to get you pregnant because I love you"?
Q. if i man said to you that last time you made love to you... he wanted to get you pregnant.. and he said he wanted to do it because he loves you.. what would you think? and this was many years ago....
A. 10 April 2010: I would think it's too late to figure out what it means this many years later.
ok but besides that, i guess it would depend on how long i knew him, if i loved him, if my career meant a lot to me, etc. to accurately gauge how i'd feel about t... (read in full...)
My husband gave oral sex to a female friend who had passed out at the party we were throwing!
Q. we had a party in our home and my husband decided to give oral sex to an old female friend that was passed out in the room down stairs while i was upstairs sleeping. he never said anything to me until the girl called me the next morning and told ...
A. 7 April 2010: Lonely Two,
I don't think, legally speaking, that vaginal/anal intercourse are the only ones that count as rape...like a girl could be forced to go down on a guy..but i think it'd be basically impossible to prove that this happened since it does... (read in full...)
Talking with ex while tipsy, should I call and explain?
Q. First off, i have been dating and trying to keep busy. Was with my ex for 3 and a half years..it was petty stuff i think that broke us apart.. fighting over things i regret.. no one cheated.. we did have alot of love.. he broke it off... a year la...
A. 6 April 2010: i think you're reading too much into things. I think he didn't need the 'i'm tipsy' explanation, he probably didn't htink you were being that out of the ordinary so probably doesn't know what to say back to the i'm tipsy thing, and then the sad ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is getting more pleasure from sex than I am. How can I feel what she feels!
Q. Is there any way to increase pleasure for the guy during sex foreplay or anything? It is so depressing knowing that my girlfriend is getting 9x more pleasure then I am and I barely feel anything. She says her pussy feels like its on fire with ...
A. 24 March 2010: so..you don't have sex yet? is she just handjobbing you? maybe look into oral, or give her tips on what feels good to you.... (read in full...)
I want to make it up to him but he says he doesn't want anything from me, it is so unfair.
Q. please help i have this friend that lives in argentina, we were boyfriend and girlfriend last year, but he didnt want to be with anyone at the moment so we were just friends. but we would always act like more than friends as we would say and do m...
A. 20 March 2010: I think he has moved on, maybe has a new girlfriend, and doesn't want other girls popping out of nowhere into the picture/any mail that his gf could get suspecious of.... (read in full...)
Loose? Or control issues?
Q. Ok...I have visited this site on several occassions with the same dilemma...my boyfriend complains about sex with me. He says that my vagina and anus are loose and I do not feel the same way I did when he met me one year ago. The anus I can ...
A. 17 March 2010: I agree with everyone here, I'd just like to say, you need to think of people who get to see your body or have sex with you as a privilege, not a right, and if they start ABUSING that right, well, then they don't deserve what you're offering them ... (read in full...)
Witnessing a horrible crime a few years ago is making it difficult for me to have sex with my girlfriend
Q. I was a witness to a horrible crime a few years ago. I saw a women being raped. I have never had sex. After this happened when I have been with my girl friend I can't get aroused. I think about what I saw and I get what I think must be a panic ...
A. 17 March 2010: wow you've been through a lot, good for you for trying to defend the woman and help him get jail time. I think if you haven't been, getting counseling is for the best, because you've probably undergone some trauma from witnessing this. even though ... (read in full...)
Am I wrong to say no to being her daughter's godmother because my friend has never bought my son anything?
Q. my bestfriend and I been friends for over 10 years good bad happy and sad. I had a beautiful baby boy in 2006 and of course she is the nanny. My son is 4 years old and she hasn't did anything for him haven't brought nothing ! I can only recall her ...
A. 17 March 2010: I don't understand why you DO expect her to give you/your son all these things, can you not provide them for yourself? I was under the impression ( I don't have one but I've heard) a godparent's role is to provide spiritual comfort and moral ... (read in full...)
Please comment about what I have done, is it really bad? Do I not deserve her?
Q. Me and my girlfred are very close, we are like best friends and I love her, i would do antyhing for her and do not want to see her get hurt. I have made three mistakes with my girlfreind. The first time before we got together I told my girlfreind I ...
A. 17 March 2010: I just kind of think it's weird, like, didn't you learn your lesson when you talked to her the first time and you saw how upset she was? Why did you turn around and tell your mom after that--OH, and the internet????? Are you going to talk to her ... (read in full...)
I'm sick and tired of being bullied and being a little person in the dark who gets pushed around by life.
Q. I really, really need help. I'm so scared that there is something profoundly and irreversibly wrong with me. I'm very fearful for my future because of some experiences that I've had in the past few days. I'm afraid that I'm destined to be a...
A. 17 March 2010: Consider this training thing as and opportunity to improve your teaching style. They really may mean no malice. Can you find out who has been complaining about your teaching style? Maybe you can gain a different perspective from them, and find out ... (read in full...)
I need a female perspective please...
Q. Hi, A few weeks ago i told a girl at work that i liked her and asked if she would like to go out. Her response was that she had no idea that i felt that way about but and that i was a sweet guy but she had a boyfriend. I was disappointed w...
A. 9 March 2010: most people need a little time to get over their heartbreak, she is in a vulnerable place and isn't ready--a couple of hours out of the breakup--to talk about getting into ANOTHER relationship, which, in her mind, will likely end in breakup (she ... (read in full...)
I immigrated to be closer to my mother, but its not working out
Q. HELP - I have a very serious problem which is depressing me. I have recently migrated to be with my mother who has retired to the caribbean. I have been here with my son now for about 3 months and it has been a living nightmare. My mother is not ...
A. 6 March 2010: I don't see it, send the link?... (read in full...)
Interesting and unsual date ideas?
Q. Hi. I was wondering if anyone has any fun or romantic date ideas. My boyfriend and I have been together just over 10 months, and we're both 17. I was hoping for things beyond the usual movie, cinema, ice-skating, dinner sort of things. Not that none ...
A. 2 March 2010: wait you're british..an amusement park?... (read in full...)
Interesting and unsual date ideas?
Q. Hi. I was wondering if anyone has any fun or romantic date ideas. My boyfriend and I have been together just over 10 months, and we're both 17. I was hoping for things beyond the usual movie, cinema, ice-skating, dinner sort of things. Not that none ...
A. 2 March 2010: six flags?... (read in full...)
He tried to force himself on me. Am I over-reacting?
Q. I've been going out with this guy for a few weeks. he was really nice, opened doors for me, said sweet things, and seemed real cool. He seemed patient, didn't mind spending time with my family, and was real smart. he was older than me and seemed so ...
A. 27 February 2010: He almost raped you, so if you're asking if all guys are rapists, I'm going to give you a BIG NO. cut all ties with this guy, he's bad bad news.... (read in full...)
What did she mean when she said this?
Q. So me and my girlfriend have been on a break for a month now, and she said she still needs time to forget about the bad stuff, and miss me. I hurt her by changing as a person. Like I got comfortable and I guess things changed between us. Like I ...
A. 26 February 2010: I think she feels just emotionally drained from the relationship and is not willing to put in what it takes anymore to make it work. ... (read in full...)
I don't understand my boyfriend's behaviour.
Q. (Mod note: Titled by poster) hello! i am in a distance relationship for almost one year and half. we met each other 2 times. once he came to me and than i went to his place. as we are not the same nationality. after i came back from his place i just...
A. 26 February 2010: i know it's a bitersweet experience, there is good and bad. Feel free to message me anytime!... (read in full...)
I don't understand my boyfriend's behaviour.
Q. (Mod note: Titled by poster) hello! i am in a distance relationship for almost one year and half. we met each other 2 times. once he came to me and than i went to his place. as we are not the same nationality. after i came back from his place i just...
A. 26 February 2010: My relationship started and has been long distance for 5 years. He went into the Marines while I went to college. He's been in two tours, the first 9 mo., the one right now, 7 mo. He's getting out of the Marines in several months, where we expect to ... (read in full...)
I don't understand my boyfriend's behaviour.
Q. (Mod note: Titled by poster) hello! i am in a distance relationship for almost one year and half. we met each other 2 times. once he came to me and than i went to his place. as we are not the same nationality. after i came back from his place i just...
A. 26 February 2010: I understand that it is maximum three hours and on and off at that, but that is a little out of control. you should try to find somewhere where you two can meet in the middle..ask what amount of contact he feels comfortable, voice your comfort level ... (read in full...)
Insentive girlfriend and I don't know what to do.
Q. For 18 months i have been in a relationship. I knew she had seen a married man long before we met. I never thought much as mistakes do happen. Yesterday we were talking in bed. Its now she tells me that i`m the only single guy she was interested in. ...
A. 25 February 2010: My initial thoughts were--hey that was in the past and now she found you, a single guy, and you don't have to worry about her transgressions, whether she considers them to be ones or not---up until the part where she explained going in the house and ... (read in full...)
I don't understand my boyfriend's behaviour.
Q. (Mod note: Titled by poster) hello! i am in a distance relationship for almost one year and half. we met each other 2 times. once he came to me and than i went to his place. as we are not the same nationality. after i came back from his place i just...
A. 25 February 2010: I am in a long distance relationship too and I've had my boyfriend say this to me too, and i've had the same hurt reaction but when i give him space it makes him that much more into it when we do talk. I have several questions: how long do you two ... (read in full...)
I feel so insecure about my body and my boyfriend makes it worse.
Q. I have amjor insecurity and jealousy issues concerning my body and my boyfriend. I know for instance he likes big breasts, I have small, and feel lacking. He's tired f discussing my insecurities all the time and told me to stop or he'll break up ...
A. 22 February 2010: "Not that he loves me less, but maybe he feels less attracted after seeing her or something. "
This is speculation that it sounds like he, time and again, has tried to deny. also, i was under the impression he WASN'T masturbating to these videos r... (read in full...)
I feel so insecure about my body and my boyfriend makes it worse.
Q. I have amjor insecurity and jealousy issues concerning my body and my boyfriend. I know for instance he likes big breasts, I have small, and feel lacking. He's tired f discussing my insecurities all the time and told me to stop or he'll break up ...
A. 21 February 2010: If your boyfriend makes it worse why are you with him? Personally, I don't think your boyfriend makes your insecurity worse, YOU make it worse by assuming his sole purpose is to boost your body confidence: if you didn't have him to rely on for the ... (read in full...)
My b/f is coming home from Afghanistan, how can I tell him I'm not ready for marriage yet?
Q. Hi guys, I am in a long distance relationship, with my bf in afghanistan in the military; i'm nervous that when he gets back he's going to propose to me and i'm not ready. while i feel strongly about him, his coming back will signal our first ti...
A. 16 January 2010: Thanks so much, guys!... (read in full...)
I immigrated to be closer to my mother, but its not working out
Q. HELP - I have a very serious problem which is depressing me. I have recently migrated to be with my mother who has retired to the caribbean. I have been here with my son now for about 3 months and it has been a living nightmare. My mother is not ...
A. 28 December 2009: from the way you've described it it sounds like she has depression because of how withdrawn and disinterested she is--even in christmas! sometimes depressed people also take out their pain on others (emotionally, I mean). I don't know what to do ... (read in full...)
I immigrated to be closer to my mother, but its not working out
Q. HELP - I have a very serious problem which is depressing me. I have recently migrated to be with my mother who has retired to the caribbean. I have been here with my son now for about 3 months and it has been a living nightmare. My mother is not ...
A. 23 December 2009: seems that she's just a bad communicator, like she thinks you should already know what makes you a bad daughter but you're a little clueless. why don't you ask her point blank what can i do to make things better around here for us/for you/ for our ... (read in full...)
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