| Latest articles: Reflections on my breakup
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 May 2011: I just broke up with my boyfriend of six yrs, my only serious relationship at this point. The most startling feeling I have is after weeks of build up of anger, bitterness, and hurt towards my partner, the ambivalence and second-guessing I'm now ...
|
How can I stop myself from sharing cropped nude pictures of my girlfriend online with other guys? It gives me a thrill even though it's wrong
Q. Hi friends.. I have been Sharing nude pictures of my girlfriend but before that cropping the head of the picture and then share with other guys on an anonymous social networking website it turns me on when i share it.. I then wank over it.. Im ...
A. 26 September 2015: uhhhhhhh tell your girlfriend about it?... (read in full...)
I'm having trouble dealing with being an idiot after something horrific happened to me. How can I get through this?
Q. I'm having a bit of a problem with confidence at the moment and I don't know how to stop feeling so bad about myself. About two years ago I was raped and I started drinking quite a lot after it, even took drugs which I'm really ashamed of. Befo...
A. 18 September 2015: Wow. I am impressed that you had a downward spiral for only 6 months. Everyone has different reactios to trauma. There is no "right" way to deal with something where someone did something SO wrong to you. My feeling is you were entitled to get ... (read in full...)
How can I forgive myself for not doing the right thing?
Q. When I was sixteen I left a school dance early and walked up on a guy I knew holding a shotgun on another guy I knew. I walked by and pretended like I didn't see anything. The dance let out and the boy with the gun got in his truck and left. ...
A. 10 September 2015: I mean...I'm an adult and I still might have made the same decisions you made. Who knows what kinds of consequences different actions would have had? This person who obviously has a violent, unpredictable streak, and you have to tell people, yea I ... (read in full...)
Can anyone give me feedback on taking Xanax?
Q. This is a health question, but I'm hoping to get some opinion. At the last few month , I'm having a very bad time, with numerous health complains, but when I go for tests, everything looks ok. The doctor is running of ideas, what could be wr...
A. 10 September 2015: My sister had severe,debilitating nausea that my family couldn't figure out for months, and then a doctor determined it was anxiety, so yes anxiety can manifest itself physically..but it can also take the right doses. If I understand her particular ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend and I broke up and now I'm lost, scared, no family to turn to and financially not very well off. Where do I go from here?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 8 years and living together for the last 7 years. I have my own job and helped pay what I could but we lived in his house that he owns. He took over his fathers business about a year after I moved in and started m...
A. 10 September 2015: That's scary, I'm sorry. I can relate, I lost my job recently and this is the first time that I've had to support myself on my own, with no money coming in, so I feel your struggle. PM me if you feel more comfortable, but how much do you make? Why ... (read in full...)
Who should I go to for mental health treatment, counselors or psychologists?
Q. Hello , First thanks for reading my post. I am interested to know about mental issue treatment. I cant go over my past. One of my family member hurt me badly in past I cant get over this. I cant move on. Which doctor I have to go to help me t...
A. 10 September 2015: I've gone to counselors for the most part--some were school counselors, but I also one with MSW and one was an ARNP, nurse practitioner, with prescribing authority. So I guess supertechnically I've never seen a psychologist. My counselors have given ... (read in full...)
My wife went to an adults-only topless pool in Vegas. I'm not so sure what to think about it
Q. My wife recently went on a bachelorette party to Las Vegas. Some of the girls decided to go to the adults-only topless pool. My wife and a couple other girls (single) decided to take their tops off. The one's who were married did not. My wife ...
A. 10 September 2015: Oh, also: I would be more concerned if she hid this fact from you. Her being upfront I think shows that she has trust in her own faithfulness, and only shows body confidence. ... (read in full...)
My wife went to an adults-only topless pool in Vegas. I'm not so sure what to think about it
Q. My wife recently went on a bachelorette party to Las Vegas. Some of the girls decided to go to the adults-only topless pool. My wife and a couple other girls (single) decided to take their tops off. The one's who were married did not. My wife ...
A. 10 September 2015: I think they're her breasts and she can do what she wants with them. At worst, she might have done it for attention, but she didn't do it for cheating, so I think there's nothing wrong with it. ... (read in full...)
Should I break up with my boyfriend? I think he can do much better than me
Q. Should I break up with my boyfriend? I love him to pieces but I'm not a good girlfriend. I've never cheated, but I'm very flirty and I struggle with the intimate stuff (I'd blame my past, abusive relationships, but I should be old enough to make m...
A. 28 August 2015: Whether you "should" be over your past doesn't mean you ARE over your past. STop flirting with others, see a counselor to see what they think in terms of unresolved issues, but don't write yourself off quite yet! You recognize there's room for ... (read in full...)
I'm finding it hard to deal with my break-up and I keep getting tempted to talk to my ex. Any suggestions of how to get through this?
Q. I split up with my boyfriend of nearly 3 years. My relationship with him was just awful, he was very aggressive, a bit scary, extremely jealous. I think the reason he got the way he did is because he was very depressed and started drinking a lot. ...
A. 23 August 2015: Unfortunately we can't pick the bits and pieces we like of someone and chuck the rest. We get the whole package. That's part of love, is accepting the whole package. This particular package, taken as a whole, is not good for you. It is not healthy ... (read in full...)
My OCD makes it near impossible to date. How do I deal with this with a new person I might date?
Q. I'm a 37 year old man. Haven't dated in about 15 years. I don't get asked out, likely because I'm not physically attractive (been told this multiple times). I have OCD. Actually a subset of this (~20%) which results in obsessive, obtrusive thoughts ...
A. 18 February 2015: Well the people you're choosing are definitely not pretty on the inside..why would you choose to be with them if they're so down on your looks? In any case, 3 womens' opinions are not the world's opinion. May be hard to see that from your ... (read in full...)
I'm a girl that fantasizes about being a guy!
Q. I'm bisexual, but I fantasise a lot about being a guy. And this confuses me so much, I don't know what to do....
A. 4 February 2015: In your heart of hearts, do you identify as a man? You may want to read about transgender identity. There is support in the LGBT community, they can guide you through a confusing time. I'm sure there is a mentor that you can find from the community ... (read in full...)
How can we minimise the drama caused by us getting together?
Q. oh god, please help me. I have been in a relationship for 6 months, and things came to a fairly natural end, however, towards the end of the relationship, i developed feelings for a very recently close friend. We get on amazingly well, talking fo...
A. 4 February 2015: I guess it depends on how recently you all broke up with your significant others. If it was more than a month ago then I think it's fine. If it's like a day or week after then I don't see the rush to unnecessarily hurt people.... (read in full...)
My OCD makes it near impossible to date. How do I deal with this with a new person I might date?
Q. I'm a 37 year old man. Haven't dated in about 15 years. I don't get asked out, likely because I'm not physically attractive (been told this multiple times). I have OCD. Actually a subset of this (~20%) which results in obsessive, obtrusive thoughts ...
A. 4 February 2015: I would NOT go telling her about your OCD-induced serial distrust of women the first time you meet her, unless you never want to see her again. You say you've done the therapy thing but it seems clear that you haven't really developed (or been able ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants me to take a polygraph?!
Q. Okay so I've been seeing this guy for 10 months, before him I went through a really rough yime after I went through a bad break up with my long term bf, where he cheated. After I did not deal with it well I had dated people and had ended sleeping...
A. 7 November 2014: If this is him on month 10, I'd imagine year 10 is beating you for a guy looking at you. RED, RED FLAG.... (read in full...)
Boyfriend bought presents for everyone except me and I'm the one who helped him!
Q. BF of 9yrs has just recovered from a broken leg and has bought thank you gifts for those who helped him-apart from ME!!!! God I helped him the most and no gift required but in view of the others receiving something I just feel bloody hurt!! Would ...
A. 6 November 2014: does he thank you in other ways? verbally? intimacy wise/being sweet to you?... (read in full...)
Am I breaking up someone's relationship?
Q. I have been good friends with this guy for just over a year, we met through mutual friends. we started messaging each other a couple of months ago just friendly conversation. However he started to tell me that he liked me and wanted to be with me ...
A. 6 November 2014: Whoa let's not drag Dad into this..! I think you should listen to your gut. from the way you write, sounds like HE was initiating all this talk about having a relationship with you and you weren't pushing him to do anything, and you feel guilty ... (read in full...)
Should I de-value myself and have sex with someone who doesn't respect me just because I need sex right now?
Q. A guy and I had agreed to have casual sex before the holidays. We agreed on coffee first to get to know each other, a sleepover to somewhat test compatibility, then sex. A lot of it. He wants to keep it monogamous, and the order of this was his idea ...
A. 24 October 2014: well i mean isn't kind of respect a little bit out of the door when you're planning super casual sex? You say you already like him and know he's easy to get along with, funny and smart, so just have sex with him and forget the "formalities" of ... (read in full...)
Their house cleaning isn't up to American standards -- would an anonymous letter be a good idea?
Q. We have some good friends who are smart, friendly adults. The only thing is, they seem to never clean their bathroom. For instance the toilet is often disgusting. My theory is that since they both grew up in a different country, perhaps their home ...
A. 11 September 2014: I think it's none of your business, they invited you to their home and you're not sounding like a gracious guest. I also find the anonymous note a little passive aggressive. If you were really looking out for them you could have a conversation where ... (read in full...)
We both kept up the pretence that we were asleep. Our bodies touched. Could he be gay too? Should I say something or not?
Q. Ok, I'm sure that this message sounds way to obvious however its been consuming my thoughts for the last week. I'm a 21 closeted gay dude btw. I work in a supermarket, most of the staff go for a few drinks after work on a Saturday night so it was ...
A. 2 September 2014: Ask him only for a drink next time and see where things progress.... (read in full...)
I paid for the taxi on my back -- does that mean the end of my relationship?
Q. After an afternoon boozing I thought it wise to get a taxi home! However id ran out of money and couldn't really afford it! On the way home I explained this to the taxi driver who said I could always pay at the other end, however my boyfriend was...
A. 22 July 2014: I'd say it's pretty likely over, not necessarily because of the sleeping with the cabbie, but the 2 weeks being sober and keeping that from him and making him look foolish shooing the cabbie away. Good luck. ... (read in full...)
I've been faking it for a year and don't know how to tell him, so I'm thinking about breaking up with him so I don't have to explain!
Q. Hi. I need help! Background info: 25 years old, up until very recently I thought that I was incapable of orgasm, I thought maybe something was wrong with me because I've never orgasmed during sex, figured out that I'm pretty normal and can only ...
A. 19 June 2014: The silver lining here is that your being honest at least shows you care about him, and you care about the relationship enough to 'break the cycle' and deepen your intimacy by genuinely engaging in your sexual side.... (read in full...)
I'm confined to my own room while my roommate gets to decorate and furnish the rest of the apartment...
Q. I'm at a crossroads at the moment and it's stressing me out. I don't know what to do. My college roommate and I lived in our dorm room for two years and got along great so we decided to rent an apartment so we could increase our living space a bit. ...
A. 11 June 2014: It sounds to me like she has particularized taste and wants to see things done her way..Consider (or explain to us) more why you're upset: are you feeling guilty, left out, or what?
because, if it's guilty, that she's taking on this work you shou... (read in full...)
Neighbor asked my daughter to be bridesmaid then cancelled the big wedding and now I'm stuck with a dress and shoes!
Q. My Nextdoor neighbour was due to get married in August and asked my 7 year old daughter to be bridesmaid. My daughter was thrilled as she'd never been a bridesmaid before and it was probably her only chance (before shes an adult)as all our ...
A. 6 June 2014: I mean if the dress weren't white then she could save it, maybe she'll still fit in it for next Easter or some other nice occasion. Or, if it's too wedding-y, you can dye the dress. I know that's not the point and I feel bad for your daughter but ... (read in full...)
I have no interest in anything, anymore.
Q. For about 2 months now I've been feeling very empty. Bored out my mind, nothing excites me anymore. My boyfriend and I split 3 weeks ago and I've not cried or spoken to anyone about it and that is not me at all. I just feel so empty nothing in ...
A. 2 May 2014: You sound like you may have mild depression. One of the symptoms is loss of interest in activities you were once engaged in, as well as a low, empty feeling. That you've closed off from others is also a sign, I'd say. You don't need some drastic ... (read in full...)
My friends tell me I should give my boyfriend a BJ
Q. A lot of my friends are wanting me to give my boyfriend a blowjob, and he agreed to wanting me too when i asked. But i feel like we are kind of young for this to be happening. My friends said it was okay because we have been dating for 6 months, but ...
A. 2 May 2014: Listen to your gut on this, which is telling you you're not ready. When it comes to sex (and even romance at all to an extent) you need to go by the beat of your own drum and not let your friends influence you on your decisions, or else you'll ... (read in full...)
How do I talk to my teacher about my anxiety issues?
Q. I didn't really know where to go with this question, but hoped somebody on here may be able to offer some advice:) Basically, I have anxiety disorder and suffer from frequent panic attacks, it all started last year but eventually I managed to cal...
A. 6 March 2014: You may not see it at this time in your life, but people at this stage in their lives are incredibly self-involved and often, empathy and understanding are last on the totem pole, so while my first reaction is Bad Friend!, I think it is hard for ... (read in full...)
Is it too late for me to make my mother proud?
Q. When I think about how fortunate I am to have my mom, part of me thinks, ''why am I complaining?'' But part of me is hurting for my mom because I feel like I'm a worthless daughter and she deserves better. I'm at a point in my life where I feel ...
A. 17 February 2014: You're internalizing a lot of outside problems as a flaw with yourself. The economy still sucks right now, and every job is a competitive job, there's no such thing as a shoe-in, even with your credentials. You had little control over your fiance ... (read in full...)
Feeling numb and empty after unofficial/no closure breakup...
Q. Yesterday I finally cut the string that I'd been dangling from for months now. My boyfriend and I (both early 30s) were together for over 3 years and several months back we hit a rough patch where we'd fight a lot. Due to this he started distancing ...
A. 12 January 2014: Part of what is making it hard to move on is the lack of communication in the action, but you two haven't been on the same communication page for a while now. If you feel like going over it with him would be better for you, you can still do it, but ... (read in full...)
My best friend has changed for the worse since meeting her boyfriend
Q. Hi, I could really do with some advice right now. Please can you read the whole thing as I know sometimes people just answer the question that comes up as the title, regardless of what is said in the actual written part? I’m also so sorry for the ...
A. 15 December 2013: I get that best friends feel like they can tell each other everything, but as annoying and sickening as it is, it sounds like she is/was truly happy with this guy, and you couldn't be happy for her because of what his presence was doing to your ... (read in full...)
Almost 17 and I feel like I'm having an identiy crisis, what do I do?
Q. For the last couple of months I've been feeling like i'm having an identity crisis. Throughout my whole life I have never been comfortable with my looks and self image, but it appears at this point in my life it is more ...
A. 26 November 2013: I also think it's important to realize that we don't suddenly Become the thing we want to be. I'm almost twice your age and I'm still not sure if I have chosen a path that reflects me, and who I am today does not always match who I want to be. I ... (read in full...)
Almost 17 and I feel like I'm having an identiy crisis, what do I do?
Q. For the last couple of months I've been feeling like i'm having an identity crisis. Throughout my whole life I have never been comfortable with my looks and self image, but it appears at this point in my life it is more ...
A. 22 November 2013: You don't have to figure everything out, just one day at a time. Follow your passions, and go with your gut. In the end, we all look the same--skeletons, dust, however you want to say it--it's not worth your short time here to worry about the ... (read in full...)
How can I get my dear bunny girlfriend back?
Q. Six weeks ago, I met a beautiful young woman online who I ended up falling head over heels in love with. She was affectionate, caring, beautiful, we got on fantastically, the sex was amazing, and she seemed to be into me just as much as I was into ...
A. 3 November 2013: Deceitful? I don't really find that accurate, and I don't think it was the age thing, I think she found someone else and just tried to find a quick way to get rid of you. In general you guys moved really fast it sounds like, and sometimes when you ... (read in full...)
The last convo we had he said I was acting like a psycho and wants me to leave him alone. How do I fix all this?
Q. I've been dating this guy for aboyt 2 months. He has his own business and works crazy hours and gets stressed about it. In the beginning we spent a lot of time together. We went out and did enjoyable things together. Then he started a really huge ...
A. 31 October 2013: Go find him at work, get him flowers, or order his workplace delivery for a late night at the office. Do something to show you care. Texts rarely do. ... (read in full...)
I've become extremely needy and emotional, since I'm used to have her around my finger.
Q. Hey, I recently dumped my girlfriend of 4 years. I did it because I haven't lived my life and I was feeling that I wanted to meet other people. My girlfriend was wonderful but we wasn't on the same level, she was very responsible and ...
A. 31 October 2013: My feeling is that you're being possessive more than regretful than what you have lost. It sounds like you didn't appreciate her when you had her and now that she's trying to move forward you want her to still be at your beck and call and be taken ... (read in full...)
Is it normal after first time sex to hurt when you urinate?
Q. Last night I lost my virginity to my Boyfriend. I'm not in love but I felt ready and it felt right we didn't plan for it to happen, it just did. The thing is it didn't hurt as much and I didn't bleed and it lasted for an hour until he came. We then ...
A. 15 September 2013: Yes, if you Broke your hymen, urine can make it sting. If it doesn't go away after the next couple times, he's probably being too rough... (read in full...)
I want to be horny but his idea of romance is humping me like a dog. Please somebody, give me some advice I can use!
Q. I am 19 and so is my boyfriend. We have been together since i was 13. I have always believed i should save myself for that one person...i had always known he was that one person but i was trying to wait till our honeymoon...well i didn't. At 16 i ...
A. 12 September 2013: Definitely have a sit-down and tell him everything you've told us--that you are completely aware of how your sex life has turned, how you are very sensitive to his needs and are sorry you aren't fulfilling it, but you don't want to ruin a great ... (read in full...)
I think I'm dating an alcoholic. What can I do to help him?
Q. I believe I'm dating an alcoholic. Is there any hope? He's so great when he's sober. We both like to dance and have a few drinks, so for the last 6 months I've been in a bit of denial I guess. Where as I can stop at 3 drinks all night at a night...
A. 29 August 2013: I have someone in my life that has had the same pattern as your boyfriend; drinking doesn't help them 'tap into' their childhood trauma, it just enhances the pain of it; the real problem is they have not resolved the underlying issues; it is ... (read in full...)
What did they mean when they said we had 'history'?
Q. What's it mean when a guy says we've has history I was out with my ex the other night and these 5 lads who I know started talking to me and when my ex asked who they were they all said we've had history I've done stuff with all of them just haven't ...
A. 25 August 2013: I agree with the others..but I would think it wouldn't be jealousy as much as repulsion.... (read in full...)
Am I just being paranoid and irrational and needy?
Q. Well my boyfriend and I have been together for 4 months. I've dated many guys but I only really fell deeply in love with a couple of them and I did fall deeply in love with him. A long time ago I dated an emotionally abusive guy and he also cheated ...
A. 25 August 2013: Okay, first, don't beat yourself up about checking the phone. You had a moment of weakness but you found nothing, so no harm no foul.
Second, don't interpret his not coming to a good resolution with your issues as he didn't care, he just had no t... (read in full...)
Been single for 2 months, met someone nice. Is it too soon to be venturing into something new?
Q. I am 16 years old and I think for the first time in ages I have met someone nice. So far in my life I've been in two relationships both of which have been violent, abusive and I've just been cheated on and been stupid enough t...
A. 25 August 2013: I feel like a 21 year old showing clingy tendencies + mentioning meeting his parents after meeting for the first time to a borderline underage woman (depending on your state), could be a red flag. I know age is nothing but a number, but it is ... (read in full...)
| *ishdish's friends
These are mutual friends, so *ishdish has
added them and they have added *ishdish!
|
