| Latest articles: Reflections on my breakup
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30 May 2011: I just broke up with my boyfriend of six yrs, my only serious relationship at this point. The most startling feeling I have is after weeks of build up of anger, bitterness, and hurt towards my partner, the ambivalence and second-guessing I'm now ...
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Do I show him what to do or stick to what's easy?
Q. Hey everyone . This might come across as a bit of an odd question but here goes. Ive just got a new boyfriend hes on the large side body shape im not skinny myself more melissa maccarthy size after her weight loss. Weve not done the deed yet but are ...
A. 19 July 2016: Considering you don't seem to know yet what will work for the two of you, it seems premature to take the lead. I think it should be a bit of mutual exploration. It's up to you, but given that you're saying you'd be out of your comfort zone, and ... (read in full...)
Not really dating, should I wait for him?
Q. I was dating a guy seriously for 2 months, we spent the 1st month together and he had leave so we decided to do long distance. I felt a 360 change is his character and I started stressing over because he was the one who wanted this and he used to be ...
A. 19 July 2016: I know you were just providing an example, but I also wanted to note: you may find these things again- a guy who melts away all your troubles-but know that this is likely a phenomenon of a honeymoon period anyway. A long term relationship will have ... (read in full...)
FWB but getting emotionally attached
Q. Hi, i have a male best friend of 12 years who iv recently started sleeping with. We both don't want a relationship but i have found myself getting upset at the thought of him getting a girlfriend. I can't be with him because i know it wouldn't work ...
A. 19 July 2016: If I were you, I would pause on the FWB until I could reset the relationship as a friendship. You're saying he's not on the same page with the romance, and even if he were, it wouldn't be a good relationship, so you know it's a doomed idea. Either ... (read in full...)
Is it bad to enjoy no strings attached?
Q. I've been a goody two shoes my whole life. This has been partly out of my fear about making mistakes (I'm a perfectionist) and just a big worrier. I've always hated that I come across as such a square. I've been in a few serious relationships bu...
A. 19 July 2016: I think it's VERY important to listen to what you and your body wants, as long as you're being safe. I strongly believe in listening to the voice inside you as a guide of what is right for you at that point in time for you.
We are creature... (read in full...)
I seem to have everything but why do I still feel down an out?
Q. I have been feeling rather down these last couple of weeks, and it seems as if it's turning into some depressive episode. What baffles me is that there really is no reason for me to feel this way because I live a pretty stress free life, aside from ...
A. 19 July 2016: You probably realize this, but I always think it bears repeating: there's a difference between situational depression and clinical depression. Situational depression is based on circumstances. Example- "I gained weight and now I'm depressed because ... (read in full...)
I need help. Who can help me with these issues? Who would accept me like this?
Q. I am 37 years old and i still play with dolls. I feel that they're real. I give them a name and a voice as well. I sleep with them and I'm very over protective as well. My son hates one of my dolls because he feels i give them more attention...
A. 19 July 2016: I'm not trying to be cruel, but what would happen if you had someone remove all of them from the house and, say, donated them? What would actually happen, psychologically to you? I agree with the other aunts that this is a little bit out of our ... (read in full...)
I am close to breaking point
Q. I sometimes think my longstanding partner is having an affair with a former friend of mine due to his covert behaviour. I know she is attractive and manipulative and would feel good about herself if she got him to leave me. But i have no proper e...
A. 19 July 2016: Kinda seems like the affair doesn't matter, sounds like the end of a relationship regardless. Why is he not contributing at all to the household and just putting you down for you making your ends meet?! I'd go crazy. He doesn't respect you and what ... (read in full...)
I hate him but all I want is to be with him!
Q. I fell in love with the wrong person. I am still young, fresh out of hs and have never been in love until now. We are from a small town in Arizona and happened to cross paths...Well more like he hit on me one day and I reciprocated.It started off ...
A. 19 July 2016: The short answer is: it's not worth the drama.
I had a similar, very long up and down relationship for a while. There can be something addictive about the highs of reconnecting and making up, possibly make up sex?--at your age, you probably... (read in full...)
Not really dating, should I wait for him?
Q. I was dating a guy seriously for 2 months, we spent the 1st month together and he had leave so we decided to do long distance. I felt a 360 change is his character and I started stressing over because he was the one who wanted this and he used to be ...
A. 18 July 2016: So about 1/2 the time you were officially together, you weren't even compatible? Now, you want to double, triple, etc., that amount of time? Why? You have little here to begin with, and he's pulling away. I don't think it matters that he was the one ... (read in full...)
How long after a break up should I find new love?
Q. Hello so I just ended a relationship with someone I have been with for five years. I was wondering how long I should wait until I would get into another relationship. He was my first love but I grew out of it fast because we dated young. Things have ...
A. 18 July 2016: It really depends on how you feel. Do you believe that you have no baggage--leftover pain, resentment that you might project onto your next relationship? Do you have the ability to trust in another person again? Will you refrain from using your ex ... (read in full...)
I magnify everything into the worst case scenario. What can I do to stop doing this?
Q. I am finding it difficult to live in my own skin. And it has become worse and worse over time. Every ache and pain I have I magnify into the worst case scenario and think I am dying. And I panic and have massive amounts of stress and anxiety. ...
A. 18 July 2016: I agree with HoneyPie. You're going to the wrong kind of doctor. You need psychological assistance. The remedy may end up easier than you think!... (read in full...)
O reply from potential date with friend do I block them
Q. Hi , i recently asked on here for advice about asking a friend on a date he said he would think about it and the advice was to let him have 3-4 days to get back to me . well its been 8 days he hasnt made any effort to contact me at all , i have ...
A. 12 July 2016: If you already knew he had a track record of being a flake then you DEFINITELY shouldn't take it personally, that's just who he is/where he is in life. Although I don't know why you would have wanted to date such a guy in the first place or why you ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend saying I'm not that attractive to be hit on?
Q. I would say I'm okay looking, when I'm done up I think I can look quite hot. Anyways I get hit on by guys on the way to work quite often, yesterday I had two guys actually approach me. One was when I was sitting on the bench and the guy said, can I ...
A. 23 June 2016: I'm not sure what you were looking for your boyfriend to say to begin with! "cool, I love it when my girlfriend is hounded by men!" To me, your telling him is coming off boastful or fishing for reassurance of compliments you were already given. ... (read in full...)
If this relationship is dead how do I leave?
Q. Hello, I am struggling with my relationship of four years. I feel like I don't love my boyfriend anymore. He is 23 amd I am 20. The first two years I was im love with him and he was with me. But as I get older, I realize that I probably won't have a ...
A. 23 June 2016: You can't control how people react to things, and it's not your problem to fix; just think about it. How can YOU be the person that makes him get over you? You can't be. He will have to find his own way. If he's really as unstable as you say, he ... (read in full...)
How do I bring up that I'm interested in a casual relationship with no sex?
Q. First things first, I must establish that I'm interested in getting married in the next 4-5 years, but I'm currently busy on placement in another state. I will eventually have to return either to my home state or move to another country for work, ...
A. 15 June 2016: So, just date? Go on a date, and if you like the guy, kiss him and be a "lady" and all demure, "I don't sleep with someone on a first date" and then if you're not interested in taking it farther, conclude the dating, you're not obligated to see ... (read in full...)
My friend is trying to sabotage a budding relationship with a guy I like
Q. Not sure where to start but I guess some background information is a good way to go. Typical start to any of these questions but.. So there's this guy, and he's perfect. The problem doesn't lie with him, it lies with my friend. My friend, 3 y...
A. 15 June 2016: I would hardly call this sabotage more than self-pity. Girl needs a self-esteem boost, and that's not necessarily your job. I would consider having a talk about you understand her feeling frustrated about the imbalance of male attention between the ... (read in full...)
What's going on with my best guy friend? I'm so confused!
Q. My best friend is a male, and I'm a female. Everywhere we go, people think we're a couple and that's why I think it's hard for me to get a boyfriend or even go on a date because I find it hard to approach guys because I've been in this situation for ...
A. 10 June 2016: Kinda late in the game for him not to know his sexuality, in this day and age. Maybe he's bi.... (read in full...)
I think this might be a case of 'out of the mouths of babes'!
Q. My fiance has been working as a security guard for asylum seeker and refugee homes for almost one year now. Very quickly they put him onto night shift and now our schedules clash and we don't see each other as much as we would like to, I mean, our ...
A. 10 June 2016: I think you're fishing here. For all you know, this kid has a little crush on your guy and wants you to feel insecure. I mean, also, the math makes sense, you COULD be a third person in there. You're not. It's fine! Doesn't mean he's having sex or ... (read in full...)
Worried I'm on the wrong side of college secretary
Q. Hello...I need advise I recently got into a squabble with the secretary in my university. You see in my university whenever a semester starts we have the option to request a class to be offered in that semester instead of the regular semester, this ...
A. 10 June 2016: whatever you choose to do, keep you head up, this lady does not sound stable. This whole event is fairly minor but sent her over the edge! Don't feel humiliated. She is not healthy. Consider requesting the other lady when you go back. You don't have ... (read in full...)
I loved her but I couldn't take any more
Q. Hello, I am a 25 years old guy. I work as well as doing my master's degree in engineering. I have been with my girlfriend for 7 months. We have broke up yesterday. I feel so much hurt. Since I have known my girlfriend, She always felt unloved ...
A. 8 June 2016: She needs some serious counseling. You told her your breaking point and tried to set a boundary because it was affecting your mental health, and she couldn't respect it. I'm sure she doesn't want to be like this, but you can't be everything for her. ... (read in full...)
She was being cagey about where she’d been, so I checked her phone. Then we had a long talk about it all. Advice?
Q. Hey, Bare with me this is long but for a bit of backstory... Ive been with this girl for about 6 months and she is great, we hang out all the time and are really close and affectionate with eachother. We have discussed that we would like...
A. 8 June 2016: You realize that the exact reason she didn't tell you about the guy was because you'd get upset and demand who he was right? I don't think it's your business to demand who the guy is. If you are really secure about the relationship and she is ... (read in full...)
How can I break this cycle of abusive or unsatisfactory relationships?
Q. I have a dilemma the men I have dated or run into have been the cruelest and this has been an ongoing cycle I can't end- I was in a verbally abusive relationship for five years only to end it after I finally woke up from his control. I took some tim...
A. 7 June 2016: Unfortunately, my feeling is that this experience is not uncommon. It's not your fault or anything you did. There are just a lot of wrong people out there. I am getting the impression you think that you are broken to have tried these men, all for ... (read in full...)
Did he return these insignificant things of mine because he is asking for whatever I might have of his back?
Q. I just received a box in the mail from my ex (we broke up almost four months ago now), with some of my things in it. I didn't even know I'd left these things at his place, it's basically junk (a decorative christmas pine cone and a string of chris...
A. 1 June 2016: I don't read it as him implying you now owe him his stuff. I kind of read it as a way to get you sentimental and thinking about him. If he's not the manipulative type, then maybe you're right, that he just thinks that you literally are owed these ... (read in full...)
I don't mind paying but resent being asked to
Q. Dear Cupid: I was on an on-line dating site. A man sent me messages saying he would like to meet me. We met at a place he picked, I told him I was good with just a drink (no food). I had one beer (it was happy hour), he picked up the tab which wa...
A. 24 May 2016: ? I mean. Seems like you're the one that's fixated on keeping score. You're tallying how much she's spent on you and you've already labeled him as cheap. I regularly go dutch in my dating life because I think it's fair. Why are you holding a grudge ... (read in full...)
How do I stop saying the wrong thing and convince H that I love her ?
Q. I've been dating H for five months and it's just gotten weird... With like all these things where she gets mad at me. First time, my friends said I could have been nicer about it but I think she was over sensitive. She got her braces adjusted ...
A. 24 May 2016: Look. You say regularly in your post you don't care. When I was your age (sorry), I thought that it was more important to be truthful to whatever MY truth was, and f---any consequences, that's other people's problems. The reality was that my ... (read in full...)
Do I walk away? Or do I try to explain how I am feeling to my Bf?
Q. Hello everyone, I'm just going to jump right in with the story. So I've been dating my on off boyfriend for 2 years and anyway he's 10 years older than me and due to stupid things he's done in the past still lives at home with his dad. The p...
A. 19 May 2016: You may consider asking your bf to put boundaries on the relationship with him and his father. For example: "Honey, can you turn the phone off for valentines day? this is our night" or- ask if he would feel comfortable devoting exclusive time to ... (read in full...)
Why are some people so critical of open relationships?
Q. So I am letting my fiance have sex with another woman (who herself is in an open relationship) next week. They have already had a date and kissed etc. It's the first time he will have sex outside of our relationship. Rationally I am pretty ok wit...
A. 19 May 2016: I think people just don't like what they don't understand, and tradition has ingrained us with the nuclear, monogamous partnership, even if it is a bit archaic. You can find articles on the reverse on the internet, as well, though. Google polyamory ... (read in full...)
Trying to get life back together. Does talk therapy work? Do antiDepressants work?
Q. 28 year old chap here who has lived life going no where for many years . I know what I should do but do not feel happiness is actually achievable for me .. yipee!! Anyway went to the docs at last and they suggested therapy or Anti Depressant's . ...
A. 17 May 2016: I think it depends on how bad off you are right now. If you're just thinking that happiness is something others have and is unattainable, I would start with just talk therapy. If you think that life is not worth living, or the pain of unhappiness is ... (read in full...)
Am I missing the point, or is he being over dramatic?
Q. Im not sure what I am asking, but I guess Im wondering if this is acceptable behaviour or not. When I asked my boyfriend today if he could do me a favour, he replied not right now. I said it needed to be done right away, and he just said he cou...
A. 10 May 2016: Sounds like couples therapy stopped? Why is that?
It sounds to me like he is giving as little as possible at this point and for whatever is drained by your relationship. Depending on how long this behavior has been going on, and how much he is "o... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to screen out women as potential partners due to their past sexual history and how many partners they have had?
Q. I spent a lot of my teens having low self-esteem and have very little dating experience. I had a girlfriend in high school. Still a virgin even though I have done everything else. I used a lot of that time to make sure I have an amazing future and ...
A. 6 May 2016: Lots of comments on this post! Ok, OP. Let's do this. There's bad sex, middle of the road sex, and good sex. I have had 8-11 different partners, depending on how you're counting sexual encounters. Only 1 or 2 of them were not casual. Some of the ... (read in full...)
How soon is too soon to go on a trip together? I'm a virgin.
Q. I've been seeing someone for 3 weeks, seven dates, and we speak daily. Our connection is amazing and we share everything. However one subject we haven't mentioned is sex. I went to his place once and we didn't do anything physical except kiss. Just ...
A. 6 May 2016: to piggyback off of chigirl, I would be pretty transparent about your position on the whole sex thing. If he's a good guy, he'll totally get it and understand and have zero expectations for sex. If he's not, he may change his mind, or get angry, ... (read in full...)
After our marathon 8 hour fight, what can I say to my LD guy?
Q. Before knowing my current boyfriend (lets call him S) I went to a party and kissed a guy who was way older than me, I was 16 he was 20. It was nothing else apart from a kiss, caused by being tipsy and 'lovin the single life' so yeah.. In my opinion, ...
A. 6 May 2016: Get out while you can!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This guy..I think if I had the contents of that fight in 1 hour, let alone 8-12 hours, I would have been furious that someone tried to tear me down like that. He has no right. I have never heard of someone who ... (read in full...)
Am I missing the point, or is he being over dramatic?
Q. Im not sure what I am asking, but I guess Im wondering if this is acceptable behaviour or not. When I asked my boyfriend today if he could do me a favour, he replied not right now. I said it needed to be done right away, and he just said he cou...
A. 6 May 2016: Can you tell us what you wanted done and had to be done in that one minute?... (read in full...)
Can I possibly work things out with my guy? Or am I with the wrong guy?
Q. Dear Cupid! I am currently in a relationship with my guy for 4 years and from the beginning of the relationship I was not sure if he's the guy for me but I ignored the feeling cause I'm not a risk taker and was scared to be alone. Now we have come...
A. 6 May 2016: Ok I'm not sure why you're with this guy you have zero interest in. No spark and nothing in common? So no lust and no love? Just desperation? That's not fair to either of you, break up with him. BUT--Don't jump into the next relationship with this ... (read in full...)
Still in love though we have never acted on it. How long does it take before you fall out of love?
Q. I am in love with a guy and I know that he's in love with me too (don't want to bore you with details). We are both married (he has kids) and work together. So it is totally inappropriate. We never acted on it and I never plan to act on it. ...
A. 6 May 2016: It will 100% help to get out of that job. I have had two similar situations (although I was not married--one of the times I was in a relationship, and the other I was in a relationship and he was married) and it was physically painful not to be ... (read in full...)
I distrust males. Is this likely to be a permanent problem?
Q. I have and had a crazy family life, most of the problems that my mom and I have encountered were caused by men. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate males or think they are lesser people in any way, but ever since a particular event occurred, I haven'...
A. 6 May 2016: Never hurts to see a guidance counselor or therapist about these things.Better to nip it in the bud and learn tools for trust than letting thought patterns get more reinforced with time. ... (read in full...)
Does my fiance's female friend fancy him? Should I be concerned? How should I handle this situation?
Q. I really need some advice please I feel awful. My boyfriend and I got engaged recently and I couldnt be happier about it, there is just one thing that is really getting me down and making ne question everything. He has a female school friend w...
A. 6 May 2016: I would also ask your mutual girl friend what she thought of this other girl situation, if you believe she can keep what you two discuss confidential. ... (read in full...)
Does my fiance's female friend fancy him? Should I be concerned? How should I handle this situation?
Q. I really need some advice please I feel awful. My boyfriend and I got engaged recently and I couldnt be happier about it, there is just one thing that is really getting me down and making ne question everything. He has a female school friend w...
A. 6 May 2016: I am definitely in agreement with Honeypie, especially with his saying you ruined the evening because you wanted assurance or answers? To me that's a big red flag he's trying to guilt trip you into dropping it. The thing is...let's assume it's ... (read in full...)
I want him to move in, but not sure how to ask!
Q. My partner and I have been on and off for almost 4 years due to my mental health. We know we love each other but he doesn't know which version of me he is going to have to deal with each day, which is why we tend to break up. I am getting he...
A. 4 May 2016: A couple thoughts. When was the last time you asked? If it was within the last three months, I might consider holding off.
What may be more helpful than just asking to move in, getting a no, and then asking if he could move in again, is asking w... (read in full...)
Confused by one night stand. Was I too harsh on him?
Q. Dear all. Please can you throw some light on this. Thanks. I have recently come out of a long abusive relationship and feel happier than ever. I've been out partying and dating and having a great time. Anyway, last weekend I met a guy I was stro...
A. 26 September 2015: Just go walk over to his house and hash it out, sounds like you two both do like each other, otherwise he wouldn't ask about talking tomorrow and calling you. ... (read in full...)
How can I stop myself from sharing cropped nude pictures of my girlfriend online with other guys? It gives me a thrill even though it's wrong
Q. Hi friends.. I have been Sharing nude pictures of my girlfriend but before that cropping the head of the picture and then share with other guys on an anonymous social networking website it turns me on when i share it.. I then wank over it.. Im ...
A. 26 September 2015: uhhhhhhh tell your girlfriend about it?... (read in full...)
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