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This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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16 July 2011: The following was forwarded to me by a member of my church. It is adapated from a book: "Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work" I believe its worth passing on: "Dr. John gottman can predict with 96% accuracy within the first three minu...
A few things I've learned......
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 November 2010: Often we get posts from men and women who are wondering whether to ask their boyfriend or girlfriend "where do we stand"? Based on my own observations, and having been in situations such as this in the past, I have come to think its generally ...
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Should I let go and move on or fight for him?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been going out for a year now. He is an Anglican while I am a Catholic. Met his parents on three occasions and they looked forward to having family lunch/dinner with me to also get to know me better and more. The problem is ...
A. 26 September 2012: Excuse me for going on what you yourself said:
Namely: Some man saw him at the new church; reported to his parents that you were trying to drag him away from their church; they got mad and don't want to see you again, and you add that "I'm try... (read in full...)
Should I let go and move on or fight for him?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been going out for a year now. He is an Anglican while I am a Catholic. Met his parents on three occasions and they looked forward to having family lunch/dinner with me to also get to know me better and more. The problem is ...
A. 25 September 2012: You say he started going to a different church, and invited you to join him.
True, the initial decision to do so was his, BUT YOU ADMIT to "trying to drag him away from family traditions." In other words, you are pressuring him instead of takin... (read in full...)
I no longer feel that I can trust my LDR boyfriend. Should I break up with him?
Q. Hi everyone! I am on a long distance relationship for 3 years, I really love this guy to the point we were getting engaged and such. He hid from me the fact he went with a female friend to a concert, even after I confronted him. He delet...
A. 25 September 2012: Long Distance relations are know for their difficulties.
I mean, when you are able to meet only once in a while, it's very hard to become close, and to find out how well-suited the two of you are. You've been in contact with this man for three ye... (read in full...)
Is it wrong of me to get involved with the son of my lover who passed away?
Q. my fiance of 3and 1/2 years took his own life in january of this year. thru hate emails, i came to find out that there were like 12 of us that he had proposed to. but that didn't stop me from loving him and mourning for him. he has 3 children, all ...
A. 21 September 2012: I'm sorry for the loss of your fiance - unfaithful as he was. I guess that doesn't lessen the pain of his death.
You say you "really, really need advice."
Well, here's mine. You say you are in dire straits. So let me ask you: do you hav... (read in full...)
2 months of dating..... is it too soon to start talking about future plans?
Q. I am a 33 year old just separated 5 months ago (see my previous questions) with a kid that has started dating a girl about 2 months ago and has fallen for her. Since break up I have been getting together with a few wonderful women without getting ...
A. 20 September 2012: You have been separated a bare 5 months and are still a long way from being divorced and thus legally, as well as emotionally, REALLY free to start dating other women. What if your wife contests the divorce? Suppose she were to decide she wanted ... (read in full...)
Should I wait for him to move back to my country, or move on with other guys?
Q. Hy. I met an awesome guy on the net. He s 5years older than i am. We have been exchanging texts for a year now. His parents currently live in my country but he moved to another country(continent) with his god parents because of education etc(well ...
A. 17 September 2012: NO, you definitely should NOT wait, nor waste any more time on this man.
Listen: you have only communicated by texts and a few phone calls. My dear young lady, he could be ANYBODY for all you know.
Please take note of what I'm going to tel... (read in full...)
Do I take a chance on love and move to be with my boyfriend in Australia? Or do I prioritise my education first?
Q. I spent 14months working in Australia and came back home about 3 weeks ago. Whilst down under I met and fell in love with my now boyfriend. Things have been great, the long distance is tough and I spend every waking minute thinking about him which ...
A. 14 September 2012: If he has become "very distant" after discussing a potential move to Australia on your part, you should not start making plans to move there.
The advice given by the previous poster is worth heeding.... (read in full...)
She invites her secretly WB friend to all our dos, even the girly ones! It's getting very annoying!
Q. Hey, I am really confused as what to do. My best friend has a FWB, which I don't have a problem with, despite the fact that he doesn't acknowledge the fact that they sleep together to anyone other than those who know about it through the hors...
A. 10 September 2012: Neither of these two is considerate toward you or your friends. The business of leaving you on your own in a club while they went off to the toilet to have sex is tacky beyond words. Couldn't they have at least waited until they got home? ... (read in full...)
Should I ask him if I'm the problem why he can't be satisfied?
Q. I have been seeing my b/f for about 18 months now. We spend weekends together when we can. We are both in our 40s. We never managed intercourse but always satisfied orally. I can't satisfy him orally now and he won't kiss passionately anymore. I...
A. 10 September 2012: NO! You should NOT ask him that! Look, if he has a problem, then let HIM bring it up! That's his responsibility. Until he does - and unless YOU'RE not satisfied, leave well enough alone!... (read in full...)
What's going on with my FWB?
Q. Hi everyone I am in a really confusing situation at the moment I have been fwb with a man for over 2 year now I liked him in the beginning but the way he treated me my feelings for him went now I have been away abroad for two weeks and I came back ...
A. 8 September 2012: BondGirl72: The OP said this man sent her a text "having a go at me". That sounds as if he was wanting to tell her off for not being at his beck and call - in other words, he was trying to start an argument is the impression I get.... (read in full...)
What's going on with my FWB?
Q. Hi everyone I am in a really confusing situation at the moment I have been fwb with a man for over 2 year now I liked him in the beginning but the way he treated me my feelings for him went now I have been away abroad for two weeks and I came back ...
A. 8 September 2012: BondGirl72: The OP said this man sent her a text "having a go at me". That sounds as if he was wanting to tell her off for not being at his beck and call - in other words, he was trying to start an argument is the impression I get.... (read in full...)
Married for sixteen years and he's cheated three times that I know of
Q. My husband and I have been married for sixteen years and with two children. One child is special needs. There has been three cheating incidences that I knew of during the marriage. The last one he left me for twice in a year and he came back. I ...
A. 8 September 2012: He wants to have all the comforts of home - you to cook for him, do his laundry, etc., look after the children with no commitment to you or intention of being faithful.
If he doesn't want to see other women while living with you, then duh - HE sho... (read in full...)
I can't get over this male model but he doesn't like me in that way. Should I lose my virginity to him?
Q. Hi, I am a lost person at the moment. I had a thing with a male model we romanced three times with one almost leading to sex but I refused because I knew he did not like me. I still like this guy, even when I forgot him I dream about him and that ...
A. 7 September 2012: Do not have sex with this man. You said he "doesn't like me in that way" which I assume means he is not interested in pursuing a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with you.
If you do lose your virginity to him, please keep in mind that you'd be... (read in full...)
When its good its really really good but when its bad..its extreme. I need to let go!
Q. Hi, I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years now on and off (longest break was a month). Am going through a difficult, heart wrenching time right now because I know it's the end but I find it hard to let go. Firstly, when we met, he was not my type ...
A. 6 September 2012: Well, I'm glad you have your own place.
What concerns me, however, is that he's still up to his old tricks and is clearly NOT taking your seriously, nor willing to accept that it's over.
This is demonstrated by his telling you that "it wil... (read in full...)
When its good its really really good but when its bad..its extreme. I need to let go!
Q. Hi, I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years now on and off (longest break was a month). Am going through a difficult, heart wrenching time right now because I know it's the end but I find it hard to let go. Firstly, when we met, he was not my type ...
A. 5 September 2012:
Wait a minute!
Are you about to move out and find somewhere else to live now that he's started on his vacation? Or have you already got a place lined up? I sure hope so, because for him to be gone five days isn't very long!... (read in full...)
I've been very depressed since moving to the US from Mexico
Q. Lately I have been very depressed. I move to the US for college six months ago, I've been in a LDR since then. I haven't really made much friends since i moved here, people are just very different and not that open compared to the people in my co...
A. 5 September 2012: Moving to a different country to attend college is indeed a big step. The US is bound to be quite different to Mexico.
But you've only been here six months, which is not much time at all to start to get adjusted.......is there a college dean or ... (read in full...)
Before I speak to a doctor can anyone tell me about Cerazette (birth control)?
Q. Been on the cerazette pill for quite a few months now and I hate it. I would bleed constantly for 3 weeks have a week without bleeding and then bleed for another 3 weeks. It's just a nightmare. I've taken the pill correctly everyday and have never ...
A. 5 September 2012: I just now went online and looked up the pill you mentioned.
It does say that it may cause "irregular periods" - they may stop or become fewer, but doesn't mention anything about the kind of frequency you describe. However, what you are experien... (read in full...)
Sex life has gone downhill and is boring. I don't know what to do.
Q. I dont know what to do about my sex life. Ive been with my bf for 2years now, and at first the sex was great and i couldnt get enough of it. Was in college then so it was a long distance relationship. Graduated last year, now working and we're still ...
A. 4 September 2012: If you're having sex with men to earn money and are getting yeast infections, it's no wonder you can't enjoy sex with your boyfriend.
Are you insisting the men you have sex with use condoms? Because if not - and I know they often don't want to ... (read in full...)
When its good its really really good but when its bad..its extreme. I need to let go!
Q. Hi, I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years now on and off (longest break was a month). Am going through a difficult, heart wrenching time right now because I know it's the end but I find it hard to let go. Firstly, when we met, he was not my type ...
A. 4 September 2012: Sounds as if there won't be much to miss, you know!
Your boyfriend is manipulative, violent, can't hold his liquor, insults you, is really nasty, wants his own way in everything and when you try to be nice, he just doesn't care.
These are all... (read in full...)
I asked g/f if something was wrong and she said she didn't know. Now I feel insecure!
Q. Hello everyone I wanna ask what is up with my girlfriend and what you think is going on Ok so I started dating a girl over long distance two months ago and she said she would come and see me no matter what well her parents said no twice and that m...
A. 4 September 2012: Well, look here: have you ever met this girl in person? If not, have you at least "visited" on Skype??
See, until and unless you DO meet face to face any "relationship" is basically mostly something that exists only in your own mind(s). It real... (read in full...)
We had amazing chemistry but lately he seems withdrawn
Q. I just recently started seeing this guy, We have amazing chemistry and hit it off right away, talked for hours and he kept saying over and over how amazing the night was and how he hasn't been like this with anyone in a very long time. we were jus...
A. 3 September 2012: Well, he cancelled his plan to meet up with his ex; said you and he could meet, but then backtracked on that, and even after you said, no, you were still willing to get together, he discouraged the idea.
That was only a couple days ago. It's a l... (read in full...)
Is it possible to salvage a marriage with all these problems?
Q. I have been married for a year and our marriage has tons of problems. I don’t even know what exactly needs sorting out now. He was emotionally abusive before we got married. I cheated on him before we got married and have a child from the guy I ch...
A. 3 September 2012: It doesn't sound as if having another baby now would be at all a wise thing to do.
I mean, your husband is emotionally abusive both before and after you married. Men who abuse their girlfriends/wives have issues, and it can be very difficul... (read in full...)
Husband thinks swinging can save our marriage
Q. I split up from my husband about three years ago, as he was cold, disinterested in me or our son, and refused to give me any housekeeping. I started a very romantic affair with a guy, got myself a rented house where my son and I were happy. My new ...
A. 28 August 2012: Do you now regret going back to your husband? Sounds as though you do.
His idea of "swinging" to spice up your almost non-existent sex life, quite frankly, stinks.
What would you think about leaving him and starting divorce proceedings so t... (read in full...)
At our age is it a good idea to wait 3 years to start a family?
Q. I have always wanted to have a baby and my boyfriend of 5 years knows this. I am 19 and he is 20. He used to say he wanted one but in 5/10 years time when we have settled down and got money behind us. We both work and he is earning £18,000 a year ...
A. 28 August 2012: Well, you have been together for five plus years, are doing well financially and intend to buy a house then start a family -something you both want.
I have one question for you: what is preventing you from getting married?
It doesn't have to ... (read in full...)
He seems Perfect, I really like him. But a couple of things are bothering me, am I over analyzing things?
Q. Basically, there's this guy I really like. I met him at a training day at work, back in July, and he added me on Facebook and we'd been, speaking a bit and then we started texting. He's so friendly and kind, and I know this will sound odd - but ...
A. 27 August 2012: Is he about the same age as you - or a fair bit older? I mean, you're only 13 or at most 15. That's a bit young to have boyfriends - NOT, I hasten to add, that you have given any indication that you see him as such. However, it could be the ... (read in full...)
I watched my ex friend with benefits beat his wife! Why would he do this?
Q. I found myself in a situation I never been in a few days ago. Someone I had a fwb relationship for a few months and I stopped it last month came to my house. We remain friends still but I know that this maybe an issue now. He showed up at my house ...
A. 25 August 2012: This man is really horrible. His wife should report him to the police. You said you were all at his mother's home when he physically abused his wife. Didn't his mother attempt to stop him? Or maybe she was afraid to in case he started abusing ... (read in full...)
I watched my ex friend with benefits beat his wife! Why would he do this?
Q. I found myself in a situation I never been in a few days ago. Someone I had a fwb relationship for a few months and I stopped it last month came to my house. We remain friends still but I know that this maybe an issue now. He showed up at my house ...
A. 25 August 2012: This man is really horrible. His wife should report him to the police. You said you were all at his mother's home when he physically abused his wife. Didn't his mother attempt to stop him? Or maybe she was afraid to in case he started abusing ... (read in full...)
Should I wait for his return home after one wonderful night?
Q. Hello all. For starters I just got out of a 2 year relationship 3 months ago and not to be tooting my own horn but there are a lot of guys out there trying to talk to me. Im not exactly looking for a relationship but if one seems to happen then so ...
A. 24 August 2012: I'm in complete agreement with Pinktopaz on this one.
He had no business asking you not to date or "have a boyfriend" while he was in Kuwait. I mean,come on, who does he think he is? He's got some nerve based on one date with you!
You don... (read in full...)
Counseling is helping and I don't know where to turn.
Q. There is no easy way to get into this so I will get steaight to the point. I have always had a disfunctional family. (Dad beat my mom etc every day she was always in hospital he was an alcholic just a bit of background on that) the thing is I was ...
A. 23 August 2012: I am sorry to hear about the abuse you - and your mother - have endured for so long.
If you are going to counselling twice a week, then you need to discuss with your therapist the fact that you feel you can not tell anybody else about the abuse fo... (read in full...)
How do I handle being dumped? I'm so angry and upset.
Q. I am so hurt by this. My ex girlfriend told me she doesn't have the feelings towards me as a girlfriend anymore. I loved her. I was there for her when she was going through a rough time with her mother. I didn't see her for six months. We dated for ...
A. 22 August 2012: Yes, being dumped does hurt a very great deal. No question about it.
I expect your ex-girlfriend appreciated your emotional support when she was having problems with her mother. It could not have been easy for her to come to the conclusi... (read in full...)
How do I handle being dumped? I'm so angry and upset.
Q. I am so hurt by this. My ex girlfriend told me she doesn't have the feelings towards me as a girlfriend anymore. I loved her. I was there for her when she was going through a rough time with her mother. I didn't see her for six months. We dated for ...
A. 22 August 2012: Yes, being dumped does hurt a very great deal. No question about it.
I expect your ex-girlfriend appreciated your emotional support when she was having problems with her mother. It could not have been easy for her to come to the conclusi... (read in full...)
I may have lost a great friend :( Please help
Q. I've had this female friend for the past 2+ years. We've known each other for the past 5 years. She contacted me out of the blue looking for advice about her boyfriend (now ex) 2 years ago when we first started becoming friends. She never really ...
A. 21 August 2012: Well, its your call, of course, but no, I don't think you should contact her. Wait and see if she gets in touch with you, and if so, what she says. If she is angry at not hearing from you, then it would be a good idea (in my humble opinion) ... (read in full...)
I may have lost a great friend :( Please help
Q. I've had this female friend for the past 2+ years. We've known each other for the past 5 years. She contacted me out of the blue looking for advice about her boyfriend (now ex) 2 years ago when we first started becoming friends. She never really ...
A. 21 August 2012: Well, its your call, of course, but no, I don't think you should contact her. Wait and see if she gets in touch with you, and if so, what she says. If she is angry at not hearing from you, then it would be a good idea (in my humble opinion) ... (read in full...)
Am I handling this right?
Q. i found out i was pregnant and has been for 3 months and 3 days. my boyfriend was on pill snorting them and recently or so i thought stop. he has been drinking more and has had a problem with drinking more and now behind my back smoking weed also. I ...
A. 20 August 2012: I'm sorry you find yourself in such a difficult and unhappy situation.
Unfortunately, with the economy the way it is, it's hard for so many people who want and need employment to get hired. If your boyfriend is smoking weed and drinking a lot, h... (read in full...)
I may have lost a great friend :( Please help
Q. I've had this female friend for the past 2+ years. We've known each other for the past 5 years. She contacted me out of the blue looking for advice about her boyfriend (now ex) 2 years ago when we first started becoming friends. She never really ...
A. 20 August 2012: I agree with your last thought about not getting your hopes up.
She does sound quite confused as to where she stands with you and these so-called "friends." She seems to change her mind at(as the saying goes) the drop of a hat.
I think you h... (read in full...)
Major boyfriend problems, I really need advice.
Q. I'm crying my eyes out right now. I haven't been feeling well today , so i had a bit of a sleep this afternoon, and i also went downstairs and left my mobile phone in my room upstairs, as my mum was visiting. When i went back upstairs a few hours ...
A. 20 August 2012: Well! He sure is controlling, isn't he?
The fact that he gets so nasty when he's drunk (there are some people who get what you might call "happy drunk", become amiable to everybody - but he's not one of them!)is a very bad sign. It can't help his... (read in full...)
I would like to talk to her and eventually ask her out, any advice?
Q. I have a situation where I am not sure how to approach a woman. In the past I haven't sought advice for this because all of my previous relationships started under more natural circumstances, such as being introduced by a friend or meeting at a ...
A. 20 August 2012: Hopefully you'll run into your neighbor again sooner or later - do you live in a house or apartment, by the way? If the latter you may see her in your building.
Perhaps if she's quite new then maybe some of your other neighbors wouldn't know her... (read in full...)
I don't know if I trust my man to be faithful when we are far away from one another
Q. Hi everyone. I'm 25 living in Vietnam, and my ex bf is 27 in the US. My parents live in the US too. We used to planned to get engaged in the end of this year. But since he had got unemployed for almost a year, I decided to get break up because I ...
A. 19 August 2012: Well, first of all a few observations:
1. You said he is currently your EX-boyfriend. If that is so, then he AND you are free to socialize with and date anyone you choose!
2. Now he is employed again and you are considering resuming your re... (read in full...)
Is he playing the sympathy card with me so he doesn't have to pay up?
Q. ok venting time i hope they allow this because this is the only site there is to get answers and vent. so my husband you all know him the 48 year old that left me for a 24 year old, tells me today (i had to go get alimony, he wants to pay cash all ...
A. 16 August 2012: Maybe you should consult a lawyer about what you are entitled to and how to go about receiving money due you.
Good luck!... (read in full...)
Is it worth staying with my fiance after he disrespected me so badly?
Q. My fiance and I have been together for almost two and a half years. We met online and after we met in person and dated for a while, I moved in with him where he lived (he lived in Louisiana and I lived in Arizona)but we decided it would be a nice ...
A. 16 August 2012: Your fiance's behavior was totally out of line and inexcusable.
I don't care one jot whether he might have been under stress because he was at his parents' home with you (as chigirl thought it might be due to). He had absolutely NO RIGHT to berat... (read in full...)
I don't know how to handle this.
Q. mom and dad are fighting since a long time.. they are irritated to such a extent that they hardly discuss things.. as there son i am confused what to do? and i live away from them in a hotel. really dont know whats going on??...
A. 15 August 2012: How often do you visit your parents?
I suppose you COULD ask them how they're doing and if there is anything they want from you, or would like you to do for them.
BUT: keep in mind that if they haven't discussed their problems with you, it's p... (read in full...)
I want him to get a divorce so we can marry. Why does his wife keep trying to get his attention? I want her gone.
Q. im living with a man twice my age. yes he could be my daddy. but i love him. he works hard, cooks for me, cleans. and i dont have to work. the problem is is that his wife is still in the picture. she just wont get the hint, that he loves me and n...
A. 15 August 2012: He is married to HER, not you. If he really wanted to make a serious commitment to you don't you think he would have initiated divorce proceedings by now so that he could legally marry you?
Sorry, but in this situation you can talk about what you... (read in full...)
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