A
female
age
30-35,
*skRosie
writes:Hey,I am really confused as what to do. My best friend has a FWB, which I don't have a problem with, despite the fact that he doesn't acknowledge the fact that they sleep together to anyone other than those who know about it through the horses mouth as they say. Anyhow, what's really annoying me is that whenever I try to organise something, she always invites him along, for example on Thursday, I organised a trip to the beach, which was supposed to be a girly trip, but she invited him, without even asking me if that was alright, as I was the one who organised the whole thing! The main problem with this is that whenever he is around she completely ignores everyone else around, and spends the time flirting with him. The main problem with this is that not everyone likes him, and it is causing friction.On another occasion we went out clubbing, (there were four of us, but one of the group went home early), and the two of them abandoned my in a club all on my own, so I looked like an idiot, whilst they had sex in the club loos. It was really rude, annoying and embarrasing, as it meant that there wasn't anything that I could do!I haven't got a problem with the male in question, as I regard him as a friend, but the way she acts like he is the most important thing in the world is really starting to grate on me, as she doesn't seem to care about the rest of her friends anymore, and how we might feel about his presence. If i try to organise anything without her she gets annoyed, but the fact that she always invites him is getting really annoying! What should I do about it?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (12 September 2012):
 Leave her to her own devices for the time being, and do not try to organize anything with her. Some girls are like that when they are in the grip of a new passion, whether he is a FWB or a regular BF. Lamentable, but what can you do ( except perhaps downgrade her in your mind from close friend to pleasant but occasional social acquaintance, because yes, probably if your friendship were really important to her , she'd act differently ). It is only going to be temporary anyway, pretty soon you'll have her back to the fold , if you want her. FWBs have this way to be short lived to begin with, and anyway any sexual passion not supported by other feelings is bound to taper off and lose its glamour after a while.
As for the "girls only" outing, though, you should have set your foot down and spoken up . Kindly but firmly : no dear, this was supposed to be women only, whether the guy is your FWB, your husband or the Pope on his day off. No men means no men, so next time you know what to do : either you show up alone or you don't show up at all.
Having to speak up may be embarassing, but it is still better than accepting meekly then steaming inside all the time. Some peope are not naturally considerate , or socially skilled, and may need our clear instructions to improve that - particuarly if they are in love, or in lust.
On a side note, though, why does it bother you if they do not officiay aknowledge the nature of their relationship ? that's their business, and their sex ife, they are not obiged to divukge it or talk about it. It's a bit like begrudging a married couple of friends because they don't tel you loud if they had sex the night before or not, isn't it ?
A
female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (10 September 2012):
 Neither of these two is considerate toward you or your friends. The business of leaving you on your own in a club while they went off to the toilet to have sex is tacky beyond words. Couldn't they have at least waited until they got home? Sheesh.
I think next time you organize something you have to either not invite her and if she calls up and asks why, tell her its a girls only outing and he is not invited. She'll probably fuss and argue, but you have to stick to your guns.
Either that, or have a talk with her BEFORE you plan to organize something and just say flat out that neither she nor he is welcome. I think she has certainly earned being dropped as a friend. I mean, she can hardly fail to recognize that your friends don't want him - or her - joining you, now can she?
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