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This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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16 July 2011: The following was forwarded to me by a member of my church. It is adapated from a book: "Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work" I believe its worth passing on: "Dr. John gottman can predict with 96% accuracy within the first three minu...
A few things I've learned......
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 November 2010: Often we get posts from men and women who are wondering whether to ask their boyfriend or girlfriend "where do we stand"? Based on my own observations, and having been in situations such as this in the past, I have come to think its generally ...
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This guy I have spoken to online is already pressuring me to do things
Q. I recently had a conversation with a guy online and he kept asking me for my email address and I told him that we just started chatting. The other guys get mad if you don't have Yahoo messenger or Skype. I'm tired of these guys getting mad at me an...
A. 5 September 2013: I guess you haven't met him in person at this point?
IF you do, make sure its in a public place, and that you arrive and leave under your own steam! It's definitely NOT recommended to give him your home address!
As blonde30s says, keep one e... (read in full...)
Is he just being playful? Or flirting?
Q. Hey everyone, There is this married handsome guy I see around,we work in the same place but in different departments..we don't see each other every day! So whenever he sees me that would be once in like 2 or 3 weeks,whenever he passes by he wou...
A. 5 September 2013: Married? That says it all. It doesn't matter if you see him every day or once a week: the point is with all this teasing (mutual or not)there is a risk that he might misinterpret what's going on (unless he's deliberately TRYING to flirt).
Be fr... (read in full...)
How do you stop searching for love when you so badly want it to find you?
Q. People always say don't search for love and you'll find it but how can I stop searching? In the back of my mind I'm always expecting to meet someone, especially at weddings or public events. Im27 and have been single all my life. I know what I want ...
A. 5 September 2013: What strikes me about your post is that you may come across to people (men) as having an agenda - "wanting a family more than anything else". I expect you don't THINK it's obvious, but you know what? when we feel so strongly, it comes across ... (read in full...)
Why would a married man flirt with an employee if his marriage is secure?
Q. Hello all. I really need some advice so here goes..one of my managers at work constantly plays and jokes around with me unlike with any other employee..for example.. he makes sexual comments..he has given me a tight side hug..he gives me compliments ...
A. 3 September 2013: Glad to hear it. You've made the right decision for your own well being and taking care of yourself - especially since he has a demonstrated history of going after younger women at work.
You don't want or need to be there when it all blows up... (read in full...)
Boyfriend of 3 months has lost his home. Should I let him sink or try to help?
Q. I have been dating someone for three months. He has three children whom he pays child support for as well as paying his own mortgage. Things have been going well between us and he has talked about me meeting his kids, which I am hoping to do eve...
A. 2 September 2013: Yes, you made the right decision having taken everything into due consideration and discussing it with him.
His finances are in a mess, that's true, but hopefully he can, with the help of a Citizens' Advice Bureau, or maybe a financial planner,... (read in full...)
Why would a married man flirt with an employee if his marriage is secure?
Q. Hello all. I really need some advice so here goes..one of my managers at work constantly plays and jokes around with me unlike with any other employee..for example.. he makes sexual comments..he has given me a tight side hug..he gives me compliments ...
A. 2 September 2013: He's your BOSS, dear. He's not your friend or boyfriend. What does it matter if he "conversates" (I suppose you mean you and he have conversations outside of work? or whether he is "secure" in his marriage or not? All this is irrelevant. He's ... (read in full...)
Why doesn't my boyfriend just propose to me already? Is he playing games?
Q. My boyfriend and I are in our mid to late 40's. Each married and divorced once and we each have 2 children at home. We have been together for more than 2 1/2 years. At the beginning of the relationship during a casual discussion, I told him that ...
A. 1 September 2013: Sounds to me as if your boyfriend(? - IS he??) is really conflicted on the question of getting married to you.
He SAYS he wants to get married, BUT if you bring it up - and you have been - I don't see HIM bringing it up - he gets mad and accuses ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend of 3 months has lost his home. Should I let him sink or try to help?
Q. I have been dating someone for three months. He has three children whom he pays child support for as well as paying his own mortgage. Things have been going well between us and he has talked about me meeting his kids, which I am hoping to do eve...
A. 1 September 2013: I agree with Honeypie that you definitely should NOT let him move in with you.
I suppose it's SOMEWHAT to his credit that he avoided you rather than burdening you with his problems. HOWEVER, having said THAT, I cannot emphasize enough your nee... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is pushing me to have a baby with him, but I don't feel for him.
Q. Hi everyone. I've been with my boyfriend for a little under 3 years (I'm 25 and he's 28) and things haven't been too good of late. I say of late, probably about a year..! From the moment we met he made it clear to me that settling down and sta...
A. 29 August 2013: Everyone has given you good advice.
I can only add to it by saying you should end it with this man without further delay. He's trying to blackmail you into having a baby, just because he wants one.
Heck, if he's so anxious to have a baby, let ... (read in full...)
Creepy Guy: Ignore or Confront?
Q. Almost all of my friends are males. Most of them also work in my department at work. Usually this has never, ever been a problem. However one of my male friends just... can't take a hint. I'm not interested! A few months back he told me that he ...
A. 29 August 2013: Whether the "poor guy" has a crush on you or not is immaterial. You have made it clear to him that you're not interested in dating him and what he's done is to switch tactics. Instead of asking you out, he now makes a nuisance of himself by ... (read in full...)
I don't understand my ex. Does my ex have issues?
Q. My relationship with my ex ended almost 6 months ago as she had been raped 12 months ago. She was able to tell me just a couple details to start with but admitted she had an orgasm. she said she couldn't get it out of her mind or understand how i...
A. 29 August 2013: The definition of rape is being forced to have sexual intercourse against your will. The fact that she had an orgasm is coincidental: it was still not an act she consented to.
I can understand that she feels conflicted about it. Did she get ... (read in full...)
He's acting like I cheated on him! I did not!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for a little over 2 years now. Recently I turned 21, my boyfriend however will not be 21 until June. On my birthday we spent the whole day together and later that night I was going to go out with friends. Since the ...
A. 21 August 2013: Your boyfriend was jumping to a conclusion that was not warranted. In my opinion, his behavior was immature and rude.
There can be no excuse for his insulting remarks to you. "White girl wasted" indeed! No, his attitude is
beyond the pale as ... (read in full...)
Is this girl a little too friendly with other men?
Q. This is maybe a silly question.. but basically me and this girl have been talkin off an on for a bit.. we first went out for a date which was fun. After she went off for a bit, still txtin but not meeting any way .. then she asked to meet up I said ...
A. 19 August 2013: Well now, let's see: you and she have been chatting for a while, and gone on one date, right?
It's far too early to be thinking about being exclusive with her - that comes after you've been dating for several months or more; getting to know one... (read in full...)
Any tips for coping with feelings of jealousy and insecurity over ex-husband's new girlfriend?
Q. Any tips for coping with feelings of jealousy and insecurity over ex-husband's new girlfriend? I know it shouldn't bug me, and I don't want my ex back, he was a very bad husband (putting it mildly). I think my ex is dating now and the woman I thin...
A. 6 August 2013: Well, since you don't want your ex-husband back - and in fact you say he was very bad toward you during your marriage, you're still dealing with feelings of insecurity and jealousy, plus anger.
It does, however, to two to make or break a marriage... (read in full...)
Should I text my friend on his birthday?
Q. One of my friends is having a birthday soon. He doesn't generally tell people his birthday but he told me once and I have a good memory for birthdays. I sent him a happy birthday text last year, too. Thing is, this guy is kind of a self-absorbed ...
A. 6 August 2013: You say he only shows up when he wants something. He evidently doesn't care about you as a person; just what he can get out of you - a favor of some sort, or perhaps money.
Therefore, no, I wouldn't send him a birthday text. In fact, next tim... (read in full...)
I feel like if my ex and I become FWB he might want to get back together with me like he did in the past
Q. I've been dating this guy for over two years. In that time we had broke up and became friends with benefits for about 3 months after which he asked me back out and we dated for over a year and a half. He recently broke up with me, and would want to ...
A. 3 August 2013: So: you were dating this man for more than two years to begin with, but then you broke up - did he break up with you, or did you end it?? - anyway, you got back together as, I suppose, FWB - not entirely clear from what you tell us because you said ... (read in full...)
Can my siblings come after me for a decision my mom made on her insurance policy even though it's not my fault?
Q. Dear Cupid ,I have a question um my mom health is talking an awful turn we don't know how long she will be with us but she made me Power of Attorney over her and I was wondering who do I talk to about is there a (Will) my mom told me that if she ...
A. 31 July 2013: You had better make an appointment with a lawyer to find out what your rights are, and those of your siblings.
If you are not sure where/how to find a good attorney, call your local Citizens Advice Bureau for a referral.
Sorry to hear your Mot... (read in full...)
My ex boyfriend told me I had bad breath and now I'm paranoid
Q. Hi everyone my ex boyfriend who i split up with 4 month ago told me i had bad breath i have asked all my friends and family who i can trust to tell me the truth i have had a couple of dates with a new man but im so paranoid about the comment my ex ...
A. 15 July 2013: If you need to see a dentist for a checkup then its imperative that you do so - better to take care of any problems now than to wait until they get worse ad perhaps involve thousands of dollars! This should be your first priority.
Having said tha... (read in full...)
We've been together a week and now he wants to have sex! I don't know what to do!
Q. i have been with my boyfriend for a week now, he is asking me for sex ,we are both 14, i dont know what to do can you help me? x ...
A. 9 July 2013: One WEEK? My advice is short and sweet: DO NOT HAVE SEX with him - you're only 13, 14 or 15 - FAR too young!... (read in full...)
B/f had said he'd know within a year if he wanted to marry. Its been 10 months, should I be concerned?
Q. My boyfriend mentioned at the start of our relationship that after being with a girl for a year, he would know whether or not he would want to marry that person. His last two girlfriends lasted about a year and his first serious girlfriend lasted ...
A. 5 July 2013: So he has said nothing about getting married, correct? Just talked in vague terms about wanting to elope to someplace abroad when he gets married. It all sounds very vague and wishy washy to me.
I have to say it was probably not a good idea to ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend asked me to give him his own space?
Q. Ok, so my boyfriend of 8 month went over to Colombia to visit his family for 2 month (all summer). The funny thing is that none of us currently have a phone (Well I do have one that i use with WIFI but I haven't activated it for more than 1 YEAR , ...
A. 20 June 2013: While its true that he is busy with visiting family, this sounds as if he's backing away from your friendship with him.
You'd do better to not contact him at all (not just wait for a month). Let HIM chase YOU and wonder why he hasn't heard fr... (read in full...)
Dating a girl for 2 weeks, saw some strange messages on her phone then her best friend calls me to tell me to walk away from her! What should I do?
Q. I have been online dating for about a year and I go on about 2 dates a week. I'm no Brad Pitt but i'm a good looking guy and have just qualified as a children's doctor. I met a girl (M) 2 weeks ago and we have been on some dates. She is cute ...
A. 14 May 2013: Nasty messages from former boyfriends on her phone; parents (if only "jokingly")telling you
you should marry her before she gets away; the call to you from her friend, not to mention her own statement about wanting to marry you and "have your baby... (read in full...)
Had a very positive message from him on the dating site, then nothing. How long do I wait?
Q. Hi there, so this story is a bit a complicated so it requires a little bit of background before I get to my question. So I transferred not long ago to the current university that I am attending. When I transferred I went to an official LGBT meeting ...
A. 13 May 2013: Oh for goodness sake! Why don't you just catch up with him next time you see him walking to class and see if he'd like to have lunch with you? Failing that, you COULD drop by his workplace - preferably toward the end of his shift so as not to be ... (read in full...)
I've just found out my boyfriend has a second child with his ex, I don't think I can deal with him having so many kids but I'm pregnant with his baby! Help!
Q. Just found out my boyfriend has another baby with his first baby mama, they already have a son I knew about. im also 5 months pregnant with his baby, he said he just found out that her daughter is his, he didn't cheat with her the baby was before me ...
A. 9 May 2013: Children do need and do better with both parents in their lives.
How do you think the father is going to cope with "being there" for the children he already has PLUS your baby.
What do you have against adoption?
Why would you not place him ... (read in full...)
Could you give me some fun date ideas not involving sex? I regret kissing him on the first date!
Q. So this guy from my university who is a year senior to me took me out on a date,we dint really know each other until the date(we were never friends,neither acquaintance) but we had a few classes together and then he finally mustered the courage to ...
A. 8 May 2013: Good advice from the anonymous poster. I would only add that you wait several months before agreeing to go to his apartment - preferably when you have become established as boyfriend/girlfriend and have a commitment to be exclusive.... (read in full...)
How do I cope with my pessimistic and belittling mother?
Q. Hello, I need advice about my mother. She is very pessimistic person and it's getting me down. I want to do something about it, but i don't know what or what to say to her. For example, today she out of the blue said "you're hair is very gre...
A. 8 May 2013: I just realized you said that when she is nasty about your boyfriend you DO tell her that its a horrible thing to say and is upsetting to you.
I don't know, but MAYBE telling her its a horrible thing to say, just reinforces her propensity to criti... (read in full...)
How do I cope with my pessimistic and belittling mother?
Q. Hello, I need advice about my mother. She is very pessimistic person and it's getting me down. I want to do something about it, but i don't know what or what to say to her. For example, today she out of the blue said "you're hair is very gre...
A. 8 May 2013: I can understand how hurtful these sort of comments from your mother can be!
My mother is very "feisty"(always has been) but at 95 is a lot more frail and not able to "do" for herself, despite having caregivers come in four times a day. Fortunat... (read in full...)
Could you give me some fun date ideas not involving sex? I regret kissing him on the first date!
Q. So this guy from my university who is a year senior to me took me out on a date,we dint really know each other until the date(we were never friends,neither acquaintance) but we had a few classes together and then he finally mustered the courage to ...
A. 7 May 2013: You could go bowling, or out with a group of friends, or go to a talk or lecture that might be of interest.
I think he was out of line to ask you to go to his apartment in the first place, and WAY out of line to keep insisting on it. If you had,... (read in full...)
How do guys feel about direct approaches like the one I'm thinking about trying?
Q. Hi. I currently go to college. In one of my classes, there's this really attractive guy who I keep checking out [I can't help myself] and he usually catches me looking, but I quickly look away and mentally nag myself that I should've kept ey...
A. 7 May 2013: Well, if you do, you have nothing to lose. Best if you say it lightly and with a smile - but not giggling and acting all "girly."
Or, you might approach him by asking his name and inviting him to have a cup of coffee with you - lunch even, an... (read in full...)
Why is he acting this way after I told him about my dinner plans with my friend? I really like him but he's so awkward and quiet with me!
Q. Why is he doing that? I feel really hurt:(? So I've liked this guy for a while now. He's friendly and chatty with everyone else but when it comes to me he's really quiet , awkward and doesn't talk that much. He asked what I was doi...
A. 7 May 2013: If you told him another man was going to have dinner with you, then the first one (the one you like) probably thought you were going out on a date. were you?
PARTICULARLY if you told him your friend thinks you're a nice "guy"(??)and wants to... (read in full...)
Should I contact an ex who hurt me for answers and possibly to get him back
Q. I was in a 1 and a half relationship and ended it last year March because my boyfriend was behaving badly He was flirting with other women. I expressed my distaste with this behavior and suspected that he was doing more than flirting with two other ...
A. 6 May 2013:
Should you contact him?
NO, NO, and NO.
This man has played you for a fool. You ought not to even WANT to get back with him - your commonsense should have told you that a long time ago.
Sorry. ... (read in full...)
Miscarriage and breakup right on top of each other. I can't cope!
Q. Hi i am going through a really bad time at the moment i have just recently had a miscarriage my boyfriend split up with me the day after we had all these plans of marriage and children he said he needed space and he is a loner what did he mean i ...
A. 6 May 2013: Both your miscarriage and your boyfriend breaking up with you - ESPECIALLY the very next day(!) are devastating for you.
We can't know exactly what your boyfriend meant in saying he needs space and is a loner. We can only guess. Seems to me he... (read in full...)
I've just found out my boyfriend has a second child with his ex, I don't think I can deal with him having so many kids but I'm pregnant with his baby! Help!
Q. Just found out my boyfriend has another baby with his first baby mama, they already have a son I knew about. im also 5 months pregnant with his baby, he said he just found out that her daughter is his, he didn't cheat with her the baby was before me ...
A. 2 May 2013: Legally, a father (whether not married to the mother, or divorced) MUST provide financial support for his child. You, as the mother have to request it and the court (family court) will set the amount, based on the father's income.
I strongly... (read in full...)
I've just found out my boyfriend has a second child with his ex, I don't think I can deal with him having so many kids but I'm pregnant with his baby! Help!
Q. Just found out my boyfriend has another baby with his first baby mama, they already have a son I knew about. im also 5 months pregnant with his baby, he said he just found out that her daughter is his, he didn't cheat with her the baby was before me ...
A. 2 May 2013: I'm sorry to hear you're in such dire straits.
It's too late now - for this time - but you ought to have insisted he wear a condom when having sex with you, and or gotten on the pill.
He sounds very unreliable and not honest in not telling you ... (read in full...)
I still haven't talked to him about us being in a relationship, it's just like we chill and have sex. So my question for you guys, should I talk to him about how I feel?
Q. I have been talking to this guy for a few months now. And the first time we officially chilled was on Christmas day. When we chilled, we did have sex. But before we chilled, it wasn't established what either of us were looking foe (like a ...
A. 1 May 2013: AMEN!!... (read in full...)
I still haven't talked to him about us being in a relationship, it's just like we chill and have sex. So my question for you guys, should I talk to him about how I feel?
Q. I have been talking to this guy for a few months now. And the first time we officially chilled was on Christmas day. When we chilled, we did have sex. But before we chilled, it wasn't established what either of us were looking foe (like a ...
A. 1 May 2013: I agree with what DVI and IamHereToHelpYou have said.
A couple of pointers, FYI: First comes being acquaintances - which may or may not progress to friendship.
After you have been friends for a number of months and see how the friendship goes,... (read in full...)
I feel too ugly to be a bride!
Q. I don't want to sound conceited or like I'm being an attention seeker but I'm due to get married in 1 year and i feel as though I'm too ugly to be a bride. I hate having my photo taken and I even discussed with my fiancé about not having a ...
A. 29 April 2013: What you have is more a question of self-esteem and you image of yourself.
I'm sure you fiancé doesn't think you ugly, does he? He wants you to be his bride and if he didn't find you attractive its highly unlikely he'd be marrying you.
A bi... (read in full...)
Should I believe that I'm a special girl and that he will wait for me?
Q. Dear Cupid, I recently have been hanging out with a guy (i.e./ he skateboards/buses to my campus which is roughly 45 minutes away everyday this past week and we walk around and talk, he taught me how to skateboard, cuddle on couches watch mo...
A. 26 April 2013: Well, you have not actually gone on a date with him yet. Just talked to him on campus for a week and exchange texts daily.
How could he express any thoughts as to "where this is going"? What you have is an acquaintanceship which might develop ... (read in full...)
He's separted from his wife but still legally married . We've been dating but now he wants a break. What should I do?
Q. Hi aunts and uncles, this may be long so I apologize in advance. I have found myself in a situation I can't really talk to anyone about, except all of you. For seven months now I have been in a relationship with a gentleman who is separat...
A. 25 April 2013: Stop seeing him. The man is married, and not free to take up with you or any other woman. Not until he gets a divorce.
You shouldn't have become involved with a married man in the first place. Your helping him to cheat on his wife.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has told me he has lost interest in me. So should I care about his wish for me to be more "rough?"
Q. So recently my boyfriend has told me he has lost interest in me. He also commented to me saying he wants me to be rough. Since I am soft I don't know how to become rough. He doesn't mean to be rough while having sex but he means for me to have a r...
A. 25 April 2013: Do you mean he has lost interest in you as a girlfriend, but still wants to have sex with you?
If so, he wants nothing more than to use you for his pleasure - not good!... (read in full...)
I feel stupid for falling for guys who do the same things to me, so much that I want to leave the country! Advice?
Q. Hi everyone, just looking for a bit of advice and a rant. I am 25 and dated someone from when I was 15 to 20. We grew apart so since then I have been looking for 'the one' I suppose. I just realised that we only get one life and wanted to meet ...
A. 23 April 2013: Well, leaving the country isn't the answer. You'd probably meet similar men wherever you went.
Perhaps next time you meet someone, don't immediately see him as a potential boyfriend. Take it slowly and try to get some sense of what he is like bef... (read in full...)
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