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Do I take a chance on love and move to be with my boyfriend in Australia? Or do I prioritise my education first?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Long distance<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 September 2012) 4 Answers - (Newest, 21 September 2012)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I spent 14months working in Australia and came back home about 3 weeks ago. Whilst down under I met and fell in love with my now boyfriend. Things have been great, the long distance is tough and I spend every waking minute thinking about him which has been hard as I have just started Uni and my concentration has been great.

Last week he found out his contract was going to be extended and we have talked about my coming down there to be with him.

We've been together for 11 months, he's 8 years older and I've just started Uni... I'm hoping to transfer to an Australian Uni if possible but I know this is a life altering decision I am making.

What's worse is after a few days of discussing whether I should join him or not he has become very distant and I have no idea what to do.

Do I take a chance on love and go down there to create a future with him, or do I prioritise my education first and complete what I've started at home?

Any similar experiences or just advice in general will be much appreciated because I just don't know who to talk to about this...

View related questions: fell in love, long distance

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2012):

I feel like i'm in almost the same situation but not as far apart. I'm in california and he's back to his home in colorado after spending 8 months in cali for an intern. We fell in love and then he had to move back for his last semester of school and i still have 3 semesters left. We technically broke up when he left but agreed to remain friends so we skyped all the time texted everyday still and phone calls so it still felt like we were together. I have tickets to see him in a month but this week he told me this is stressing him out too much that we are getting more attached and at this point he doesn't plan on moving back but doesn't want me to get my hopes us or break my heart. He said we need to realize the chances of us getting back together bc of the distance is slim and he is a firm believe in everything happens for a reason so he wants us to naturally fall back together. This is so hard bc i know it isn't for a while but i'm willing to move for him after school but he doesn't want me to change my future bc of him. I know he loves me ad he cries on skype all the time about the situation.He hasn't texted me in 2 days and its killing me :( I feel like it was a one sided decision and I don't want to get over him, I don't know what to do. :(

ps i'm 24 and he's 23 so we aren't super young.

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A female reader, Denise32 United States +, writes (14 September 2012):

Denise32 agony auntIf he has become "very distant" after discussing a potential move to Australia on your part, you should not start making plans to move there.

The advice given by the previous poster is worth heeding.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (14 September 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntYou are young and UNI is a great time… I’m going to be honest here… LDRs are hard. LDRs when at least one partner is so young is even harder… and being in school will make it even worse as you get to experience so many new things and new people… and it’s great…

Being apart is not horrible… how far apart are you guys? Will you be able to visit during the school year?

I have friends that are getting married tomorrow.. they live about 100 miles apart and have for the entire 2.5 years of their relationship and will continue to live apart the first three years of their marriage… he’s close to retirement and will finish his job out and then retire and finally move to be with his wife.

I don’t know if you should choose a school based on where your boyfriend lives… because what happens if it doesn’t work out… and then you are stuck there… would you want to make a life there without him?

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A female reader, cgrlygo United States +, writes (14 September 2012):

cgrlygo agony auntIf he loves you he will want you to get an education! My very best friend and cousin had a full ride to JHU but met a man fell in love... he convinced her to move to guam and give up her education (full ride mind you).... with in a year he was cheating.. and within two she was home... and without a college education. Im not saying your boy will do this... but think on it...

He already disntant just because you havent scooted right back to be by his side. that doesnt show a lot of loyalty on his part now does it?

also when you love someone you want whats best for them... even if you have to be without them... you put them first. if you can transfer GREAT!!! but... your education is a high priority and for him to not understand that says alot about his charcter.

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