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This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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16 July 2011: The following was forwarded to me by a member of my church. It is adapated from a book: "Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work" I believe its worth passing on: "Dr. John gottman can predict with 96% accuracy within the first three minu...
A few things I've learned......
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 November 2010: Often we get posts from men and women who are wondering whether to ask their boyfriend or girlfriend "where do we stand"? Based on my own observations, and having been in situations such as this in the past, I have come to think its generally ...
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I'm wondering about us getting back together, the problem is my friends and family will be shocked!
Q. I broke up with my boyfriend many many times, he always come after me and convinced me get back together. I tell him he don't listen to me and I want the space, but he don't leave me alone. Now he say he understand and can listen more, want to hear ...
A. 21 March 2013: What do we think? Well, I think you'd do well to remain broken up with this man and cut off all further contact. Think about it: his track record in pretty bad. I mean, you tried many times to end it with him and he refused to take "NO" for ... (read in full...)
How do I get things back on track with my guy friend?
Q. I'm a 30yr old female who has been separated for about a year. Last April I met a guy I worked with who is now 22yrs old. Even though he's younger than I am he is actually very mature for his age. We started off as friends but as the months ...
A. 20 March 2013: It's great you have a good, supportive friend who is aware of the many issues you're dealing with. He sounds very sensible. You are eager to take the relationship to another level. Personally, I'd recommend that you put that wish on hold for... (read in full...)
She's not the romantic type and doesn't show her affections very often
Q. Friends for two years with my now long distance girlfriend, we have been in a relationship for about five months with a view to have our first meeting in person this year (she's in Thailand, I'm in the UK). The problem is, she's not the romantic ...
A. 18 March 2013: Pen pals? No, of course not by snail mail - you can email, video visit, phone calls, etc.
I agree its important to keep an open mind, and you are certainly putting a great deal of effort into learning to speak the language and familiar... (read in full...)
Our relationship went downhill after my boyfriend heard that his ex had cheated on him before.
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been dating a month at first things were great but one night he got told that his ex cheated on him he was devastated about it he said they broke up in December. After that night he found out things have gotten not so good. ...
A. 17 March 2013: I expect he was indeed devastated to learn his ex had cheated while they were an item. How long had it been since that relationship ended and he took up with you?
Another thing: why on earth did you ask your friend to send him a Facebook... (read in full...)
She's not the romantic type and doesn't show her affections very often
Q. Friends for two years with my now long distance girlfriend, we have been in a relationship for about five months with a view to have our first meeting in person this year (she's in Thailand, I'm in the UK). The problem is, she's not the romantic ...
A. 17 March 2013: Yes. You have known her two years as a friend; she's your long distance girlfriend. Yet you have been in a relationship five months. Huh?? If this isn't confusing then I don't know what is!
Look here: you have never met in person. Even if ... (read in full...)
My fiance is a compulsive liar and it's getting worse. I just don't know what to do about his undermining behaviour. What should I do?
Q. I think I am dealing with a compulsive liar and I dont know what to do. I have been with my fiance for almost three years now and things just seem to be getting worse. When we first met he had told me all of these things. Lies. That his roomate w...
A. 16 March 2013: First, sorry to hear you have been so ill!
He really is not in the least bit concerned for your well-being. To say he's inconsiderate would be putting it far too mildly.
As if that wasn't bad enough, the man is a compulsive, habitual liar wi... (read in full...)
Does he like me? I really like him!
Q. Hi, So I really like this guy and he knows because my frend told him he talks to me as if nothing had happened and he is really sweet. Today I was talking to him and he laughed at all my stupid jokes and the rest didn't. He said today that every ti...
A. 14 March 2013: Saving you from getting knocked down by a car was brave of him if he was taking a chance on getting hit himself. At the same time anyone with any sense of decency would at least try (one would hope!)to avoid danger in a similar situation - although ... (read in full...)
I want to break up with him. How can I manage this situation when he's threatened to harm himself if I break up with him?
Q. so there is this guy that i dated for a few months and i honestly cant seem to get over my ex (before him) , the new guy doesnt realize i no longer wanna be with him i told him over and over again but he thinks im just messing around he doesnt ...
A. 11 March 2013: Just tell him straight out that you wish him well and hope he has a good life, but that after giving it serious consideration, you have decided you cannot be in a relationship with him.
Don't take any notice of this threats to harm himself ... (read in full...)
Does this woman really want to be with me?
Q. Ok, so here's the deal. It's very difficult for me to write about this, but I am in desperate need of some impartial view of the whole situation. I've been seeing this girl for the last five months, almost on a daily basis. Every time we are toge...
A. 9 March 2013: Maybe she does in fact like you. It sounds as though she does.
But, she's been in a relationship with her bf for nine years
and doesn't feel she can give him up.
What are the chances that she WILL sooner or later, make a definitive break w... (read in full...)
Dating a gynecologist is bothering me!
Q. I've met this guy recently through friends I like him very much. We've been on couple of dates but my problem is that he is a gynecologist! I can't seem to see through that. I cannot imagine what that is like for a young man. It bothers me to think...
A. 8 March 2013: Well, he's not YOUR gynecologist, now is he? Doctors don't normally date their patients - nor should they. If they did, it would be extremely unprofessional.
Either get over it, or find someone else to date!!... (read in full...)
What do I do about this suffocating friend?
Q. I try to be a great friend but I feel like I just can't be. This friend I have is nice, intelligent and when she got over her attraction foe me, we were ok. But she wanted so much of my time! Called all tge time and wanted to hang all the time. ...
A. 7 March 2013: Well, your friend has problems, that's for sure, BUT she has become far to dependent on you and you have allowed her to take advantage.
You have helped her in the past, a lot. Now you have to be very firm and just tell her that you're sorry, b... (read in full...)
I'm worried about my boyfriend and our future he's cheated and I don't trust him!
Q. Hi, I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and we are both 24. He's caring and patience. I've been thinking for long time about our relationship as things doesn't go right lately. He cheated on me twice in the first year when we were on long dis...
A. 5 March 2013: One more thing I forgot to mention: his cheating on you and then telling lies about it are MAJOR red flags! You absolutely CAN NOT trust him!... (read in full...)
I'm worried about my boyfriend and our future he's cheated and I don't trust him!
Q. Hi, I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and we are both 24. He's caring and patience. I've been thinking for long time about our relationship as things doesn't go right lately. He cheated on me twice in the first year when we were on long dis...
A. 5 March 2013: It seems to me you should be more worried about your future if you DO marry him.
H has quite a lot of bad qualities - immature, naïve, childish, doesn't have a good track record as far as work and earning a good wage goes.
Why ever would you w... (read in full...)
She says she can tell lies about other guys as she is not my wife!
Q. i have been dating since 2 years. my girlfriend wants us to be engaged and then married. i have found her to be on dating sites many times and text messenging guys on different phone numbers. she always told lies about it, but now said that it is ...
A. 5 March 2013: Tell her you won't accept emotional blackmail! - Because this is what she's attempting to pull! You have NO reason to trust her! ... (read in full...)
He's confusing me. Has he lost interest in me? Or is his change of approach because he likes me?
Q. I met this guy about 2-3 months ago, and when we first started hanging out I think we hit it off really well. We would spend 2-3 days out of the week together. I usually don't sleep with men so quickly, but for some reason I decided to with him...
A. 27 February 2013: It sounds as though his interest has evaporated at this point.
A couple of observations: it's nearly always a mistake to have sex with a man in a very short time of meeting him. (Unless you WANT it to be a one or two times fling).
Better ... (read in full...)
He's not fighting to keep me in his life! I'm gutted. How do I get over this?
Q. Dear cupid, I am distraught. Me and my boyfriend have broken up. We were together tabout 4 months. I have always suffered with confidence and low sef esteem. I dont tink ive trusted him from day 1. He never gave me any reason not to trust him. It...
A. 26 February 2013: First, sorry to hear you are going through such pain right now.
Now TRUST is extremely important in any relationship. However, trust cannot be ASSUMED - i.e., just because a person SAYS "you can trust me", you have to keep in mind that trust is... (read in full...)
Is my girlfriend having second thoughts?
Q. I have only been with this girl for a few weeks. she recently broke up with her boyfriend of two years after they were constantly arguing and she felt that they needed to call it quits. she has been with me since then and then she broke up with me ...
A. 26 February 2013: Well, she's obviously got unfinished business with her ex/now on again previous boyfriend.
You and she only dated for a few weeks and it sounds as though she perhaps was rather hasty in jumping into a new relationship.
At this point, you'd do ... (read in full...)
Why is that when you're with someone, attractive and available guys are everywhere, but when you're single, they are nowhere to be found?
Q. This is a pretty straight forward question that hopefully somebody could answer... I've came out of a 7 month relationship about a month ago and i've not met one decent guy, or anybody at all who i've found myself attracted to! It's strange bec...
A. 26 February 2013: It's a law of nature!! Ha hah - just kidding.
Seriously though, maybe because you were so accustomed to being with your boyfriend all those months and focused on your relationship with him, that you had no interest in getting together with any... (read in full...)
Confused about whether or not to end this relationship. The pros and cons are equal.
Q. Recently I have been thinking about ending my relationship but I'm so unsure whether I am making the right decision or not. I love my boyfriend so much, but at the same time he drives me so mad that I don't know if I could be in this relationship ...
A. 23 February 2013: Well, as you know, life isn't always smooth sailing when we are involved with another person.
Have you tried talking with him about the things he does that drive you mad? Is he irresponsible about money, commitments, or what?
Maybe you cou... (read in full...)
Help! I am Catholic, my boyfriend is Sikh. His family has other plans for him.
Q. hi guys i have a problem and i think you can help me im in a forbidden love kind of situation. im catholic and im in love with an indian guy he is about my age, his religion is sikh. we have been together a while now. he always told me that in c...
A. 18 February 2013: I just read your update, OP.
It's NOT that his mother or father necessarily thinks you are a "bad person"; it's that you are not of the same race, religion, or way of life as they are.
Please, pay attention to what Ilha has told you. She s... (read in full...)
Help! I am Catholic, my boyfriend is Sikh. His family has other plans for him.
Q. hi guys i have a problem and i think you can help me im in a forbidden love kind of situation. im catholic and im in love with an indian guy he is about my age, his religion is sikh. we have been together a while now. he always told me that in c...
A. 18 February 2013: Sorry, but your situation is not one you can "win."
Look: his parents and family are COMPLETELY, and TOTALLY opposed to your relationship. They are not going to change, period.
What do you REALLY know about Sikh culture and religion? You w... (read in full...)
He's married. We're strongly attracted. I even told his wife nothing was 'going on'. I want to have sex with him, should I?
Q. Hi...this is my first time seeking advice through the internet. I'm almost 20 years old. I applied for a job at a restaurant and I got the job and the general manager is 37. During the interview we made deeply eye contact and then once he...
A. 12 February 2013: You come on here and ask us if you should have sex with this married man?
UNBELIEVABLE.
Your common sense should tell you what you should do!
You have the nerve to tell us you have always been attracted to married or "taken" men, like a m... (read in full...)
She went back to the baby's daddy, but I'm still wondering if there's hope
Q. Ok, my ex is back with her baby's daddy. Yet she told me she wishes she was with me, and was even gonna move out to be with me again. Then she just up and said she is staying with him. He just had his 3rd child, by the third different woman, 3 ...
A. 8 February 2013: I agree with Sageoldguy1465: you would do better to forget this woman.........she made her bed (made her choice) in going back to her ex, knowing the kind of man he is, now let her lie in it (her "bed", that is).... (read in full...)
What are his intentions? ignores me for several weeks, then sends a text.
Q. I dated this very good looking man for about 6 weeks. He texted me as soon as he woke up every day and we saw each other once or twice a week. Then we had a fight because I got jealous over his female friends and he put me in my place by clarifying ...
A. 6 February 2013: "He put you in your place by clarifying we are not in relationship, just dating."
Not only that, he goes weeks without contacting you.
So, there's your answer. What more do you need??... (read in full...)
Her boyfriend saw the message I sent to her telling her I missed her, and now she claims I've ruined her life! What can I do?
Q. So this girls boyfriend of 3 1/2 years dumped her last year and said he never wanted to speak to her again. We started seeing each other and hav been seeing each other constantly the last 10 months but it was never a relationship, always in ...
A. 5 February 2013: Well look: it seems that SO FAR AS YOU KNEW they were NOT getting back together even though her ex had come into her life again - in fact she TOLD you they weren't, BUT the thing is that she may have been "hovering" between resuming their ... (read in full...)
I'm 16. Is it wrong for me to have unprotected sex, already had a miscarriage and want to get pregnant?
Q. ok so heres the deal...me and my bf have been dating for almost a year now...we stated having sex 5 months after we began dating...but we NEVER used condom...we are 2 highschool students and he is to graduate this year...i have suffered a miscarrage ...
A. 3 February 2013: Sorry, but YES you are wrong and very foolish to be trying to get pregnant at such a young age.
How on earth do you think you could support a baby for the next twenty years (at least) when you haven't even graduated from high school yet, let alon... (read in full...)
B/f takes 20 minutes to respond to texts and comes back with cliche responses. Is something up?
Q. Big dilemma you guys ill try and keep it short. I really need some help. My boyfriend is 22 and works on a boat for 2 weeks of the month. Well, all day he texts me like once every couple of hours, and on his lunch break, like once. When he gets off ...
A. 3 February 2013: Quite frankly I'm not surprised that he gets mad and keeps everything bottled in if you keep pestering him.
For example: he's been working all day, sends you a text and says he's going to bed and will text you in the morning - and that is not a... (read in full...)
B/f interested in sex, I'm not but I can't leave him!
Q. i am typical indian teen . well during my summer vacation a met a guy called xxxx. he was charming d lovely. we fall in love (both r virgin and dont hav any past blah blah..)he said me to join his college i promised him i would but due to distance ...
A. 3 February 2013: OF COURSE you can leave him!
What makes you think you can't?... (read in full...)
B/f takes 20 minutes to respond to texts and comes back with cliche responses. Is something up?
Q. Big dilemma you guys ill try and keep it short. I really need some help. My boyfriend is 22 and works on a boat for 2 weeks of the month. Well, all day he texts me like once every couple of hours, and on his lunch break, like once. When he gets off ...
A. 3 February 2013: Oh yes, you have a big dilemma alright. It's HUGE.
He works on a boat two weeks out of the month so not available too much to see you in person, and then you and he trade texts many times during the day (not, as others have pointed out, the best... (read in full...)
He just cheats on me spirtually every 2 months, but defends himself saying he enjoys being a player...should I marry him?
Q. My boyfriend of 7 month now is driving me crazy with the childishness he do frequently, and by "drives me crazy" i mean insecure! -he is great in bed, if we have free time of 5 hours we simply did it for four hours, like 3 times or so! -very ten...
A. 2 February 2013:
Don't say you "hope" you won't fall for his kindness - take the attitude that you WILL not be persuaded by it! Become a woman of steel so far as he's concerned!
Remember, it's only a ploy to try to get you not to end it with him! If you wer... (read in full...)
My boyfriend makes plans and then can't keep them claiming that he has forgotten. This happens all the time!
Q. I am 27 and I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. The problem is he always forgets about plans we make and ends up cancelling on me at the last minute. For example, months ago we were invited out to a meal for my friend's birthday which is ...
A. 2 February 2013: I can see that his behavior in either overbooking or forgetting his appointments and social activities is very annoying and thoughtless.
If he refuses to keep a diary or note things down on a calendar and you have reminded him when an outing w... (read in full...)
He just cheats on me spirtually every 2 months, but defends himself saying he enjoys being a player...should I marry him?
Q. My boyfriend of 7 month now is driving me crazy with the childishness he do frequently, and by "drives me crazy" i mean insecure! -he is great in bed, if we have free time of 5 hours we simply did it for four hours, like 3 times or so! -very ten...
A. 2 February 2013: No, DON'T give him a Valentine gift OR card.
He does not deserve it.
The violent sex and his "reason" for it being that it was a month since your last sex, shows very clearly - in fact, you could say that his words could have been shouted fro... (read in full...)
No marriage, no will, no life insurance and thinking of the future. Should I stick around?
Q. Last night I expressed my feelings, to my boyfriend of 5 years, about what would happen to me if he died. He is much older than me and we are not married. I was thinking about this because I had pneumonia and he had the flu and both were really ...
A. 2 February 2013: His behavior toward you was absolutely unconscionable. Really awful.
Well, if he doesn't care about your well being when he's gone, you need to take whatever steps you must to protect yourself now.... (read in full...)
How do I help my boyfriend? His parents are divorcing and he's taking it hard
Q. My boyfriend's parents are getting divorced and my boyfriend is really upset. He's near tears a lot of the time. We can be taking a walk and all of a sudden he'll start to tear up. He really tries to not let go and cry (in front of me anyway) I...
A. 1 February 2013: You sound as if you are doing a good job of being supportive already.
Letting him cuddle and hug you when he is in tears is great. If he wants to talk about his parents divorce and his feelings about it, just listen without offering your own opin... (read in full...)
He just cheats on me spirtually every 2 months, but defends himself saying he enjoys being a player...should I marry him?
Q. My boyfriend of 7 month now is driving me crazy with the childishness he do frequently, and by "drives me crazy" i mean insecure! -he is great in bed, if we have free time of 5 hours we simply did it for four hours, like 3 times or so! -very ten...
A. 29 January 2013: PLEASE, please, please, LISTEN and pay attention to what Tisha1 and Janniepeg have told you!!
I am absolutely serious in telling you that you would be out of your mind to marry this man!
Look here: you've dated him for 7 months and throu... (read in full...)
My lover said he'd contact me when things returned to normal. Its been 4 months! I can't contact him
Q. my lover told me not to text that he would when things get back to normal so i respected his wishes but it has been 4 months and I still haven't heard from him i am the kind of person that has to understand the reason behind things. i would ...
A. 28 January 2013: It's obvious - or should be by now - that he isn't GOING to contact you. You sent him an email and got no response......IF he is married, you're better off without him - "marrieds" are off-limits to others, don't you know?... (read in full...)
I have feelings for my gay male friend. How do I control them?
Q. I have a gay friend who over the years we have got to know each other really well. I love his outlook and approach to life, his confidence; he is an interesting and intelligent person to be with and not to mention he has a great body. From the ...
A. 27 January 2013: Maybe you need to begin to distance yourself from your friend. Gradually start spending less time with him - how often do you get together at present anyway?
You know for a fact that its not possible for your friendship to be a boyfrien... (read in full...)
He ended things without a word and now I have to see him. How should I act?
Q. Has anybody ever had to deal with a situation like this, i'm sure it's happened many times but I don't know how to react or what i should do or say when i see him... There's this guy who I was dating for nearly 6 months, a long time! He's not m...
A. 25 January 2013: Either find somewhere else to go and have a good time, OR if you choose to go to the club, don't go out of your way to speak to him.
IF he speaks to you, just be polite, but cold. i.e., acknowledge him with a nod, and no smile. Then turn awa... (read in full...)
A weekend away together, he grew cold on the way home and now has totally frozen me out. Why?
Q. I have been seeing this guy for 2 months. Things were going great. Just two weeks ago, during my drive home after hanging out with him, he sent me a text that said, "I think we should take this relationship to a new level, will you be my facebook ...
A. 25 January 2013: You've known him a very short time - two months.
Yes, he acted weird, asking you to go on a trip with him, talking big plans (take the relationship to a new level, etc.) then suddenly he gets cold feet.
Well, it's quite simple: he's ha... (read in full...)
What is wrong with my libido?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for five years. This is thus far the longest relationship I've been. I am 24 and he is 27. We love each other but the sex has taken a weird turn in the last few months. We were that couple that you couldn't...
A. 25 January 2013: Eddie has given you some very good suggestions to think about.
I would only add that sometimes when a couple has been together for a long time sex sometimes does die down a bit. By that I mean you both (I would hope!) still enjoy it, but the init... (read in full...)
I'm starting to think his sex addiction is a problem
Q. My boyfriend has been telling me that he is thinking about having sex with other girls. He thinks about how exciting it would be and what kind of things he can do to other girls. We are both aware that he is addicted to sex, and he falls into the ...
A. 25 January 2013: Don't be so concerned about HIS feelings!
Look: he showed precious little consideration for YOU, did he, getting into a snit because you weren't around and going off to have sex with other girls.
It's HIS problem - but he appears not to s... (read in full...)
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