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This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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16 July 2011: The following was forwarded to me by a member of my church. It is adapated from a book: "Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work" I believe its worth passing on: "Dr. John gottman can predict with 96% accuracy within the first three minu...
A few things I've learned......
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 November 2010: Often we get posts from men and women who are wondering whether to ask their boyfriend or girlfriend "where do we stand"? Based on my own observations, and having been in situations such as this in the past, I have come to think its generally ...
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I'm starting to think his sex addiction is a problem
Q. My boyfriend has been telling me that he is thinking about having sex with other girls. He thinks about how exciting it would be and what kind of things he can do to other girls. We are both aware that he is addicted to sex, and he falls into the ...
A. 25 January 2013: Don't be so concerned about HIS feelings!
Look: he showed precious little consideration for YOU, did he, getting into a snit because you weren't around and going off to have sex with other girls.
It's HIS problem - but he appears not to s... (read in full...)
Who could care and have feelings for 3 year affair?
Q. Is it easy for a man to have a 3yr sex fling with a woman and care nothing for her? My husband has been sleeping with this hoe for 3yrs.I know its only sex. She now has feelings for him but he cares nothing for her. She can't get that through her ...
A. 25 January 2013:
Excise spelling/grammar errors!!... (read in full...)
Who could care and have feelings for 3 year affair?
Q. Is it easy for a man to have a 3yr sex fling with a woman and care nothing for her? My husband has been sleeping with this hoe for 3yrs.I know its only sex. She now has feelings for him but he cares nothing for her. She can't get that through her ...
A. 25 January 2013: Apparently it IS easy - for your husband, at least, that is.
The point is: what do you ant to do about it? Or rather, what do you want HIM t do about it?
Do you want to tell him to get rid of her? Tell him if he persists in committing adult... (read in full...)
I feel threatened by my emotionally abusive ex. What can I do?
Q. Hi all, I broke up with an emotionally abusive ex half a year ago. On top of that, he owed me a few hundred dollars. The breakup was not pleasant. He threatened to commit suicide if I wouldn't get back with him. He has also left voice messages...
A. 25 January 2013: He's not going to commit suicide (highly unlikely: he's just attempting to manipulate you into getting back with him).
If you can, BLOCK him AND his sister from sending you any more texts. Change your phone number - or at least, put a block on... (read in full...)
My ex keeps texting me wanting an explanation for why I broke up with him
Q. My ex boyfriend and I broke up October last year, but it was a long drawn out process of being off and on since April. He cheated on me back then and I still loved him but couldn't trust him, realised I needed some space. Eventually when we done ...
A. 23 January 2013: I recommend phoning him one last time and telling him flat-out "You want to know why I ended it? It's because you cheated on me while we were together and I could no longer trust you. That is ALL the explanation you're going to get. I do not want ... (read in full...)
My ex husband doesn't love me anymore but wants us to have a child together
Q. I have my ex-husband who told he doesnt love me anymore with no reason and now he wants us to have a second child outside a relationship and he is extremly proud. and i still love him. What do i do to get him back?...
A. 17 January 2013: If he doesn't love you, why would you even want him back?
Anyway, ImmortalPrincess is quite right: do not have another child with him (you'd be bringing it up by yourself, and surely you don't want that?).
So: NO to sex with him and have no ... (read in full...)
Why do I keep putting all my anger over things on my ex?
Q. Hi. Just to set the story, I have been in a very happy relationship for 2 years, I am settled and live with my partner. My relationship with my ex was mentally abusive, and ended 3 years ago, he put me down and made me feel like nothing, he wa...
A. 16 January 2013: First, I want to say to you I'm sorry you went through such horrible experiences with your ex.
Second: it sounds as though you ARE now involved in a supportive, loving relationship with your new partner.
You ex isn't. Cheating on his new girlf... (read in full...)
Texting, coming over, then ignoring me! Why?
Q. me and my bf broke up he couldn't handle a gf at the moment ignored me for about 2 weeks finally came over had a great night then a couple days later ignored me again. came over again everything was perfect between us slept over and then I mentioned ...
A. 15 January 2013: Okay, let me ask you a question: just what do you think "breaking up" means?
He then comes to your place three times after his announcement and has sex with you.
So, once more: what do you understand him to be saying when he made his announc... (read in full...)
I havent spoken to her in 2 years but I still cant forget about her!
Q. hi everyone, I really want to know how to truly forget someone. I haven't talked to her for more than two years but today I still can't forget her. Me and her never were in a relationship but we were almost there. In the past two years, I have be...
A. 14 January 2013: I put it to you: do you REALLY want to forget her or: would you rather give her your phone number and ask her out for lunch (say)and see whether there is any possibility for moving toward a relationship?
I you do decide to pursue it, it goes wit... (read in full...)
I love my friend and want to stay friends with him despite him having a girlfriend. Why won't he open up to me?
Q. im friends with a guy and last summer we grew close as in a few kisses nothing else. hes been with his girlfriend 5 years. he says shes domineering and threatens suicide. i fell deeply in love with him but he said due to what was going on he couldnt ...
A. 13 January 2013: You say you're friends with this man. But, that's not strictly true, now is it? You tell us you are "deeply in love" with him, though its evidently not mutual.
As for why he won't open up to you, well, duh, its a no-brainer. He has a girlfrie... (read in full...)
How should I greet her? First date with a girl I met online.
Q. I have been speaking to this girl on a dating site now for a week and we are going on a date tomorrow. Any tips? When I greet her is it just a casual hello,? Any advise or tips will be muchly appreciated !...
A. 12 January 2013: Well, saying she's even prettier than her picture and asking what she's doing for the next 25 years might be piling it on a bit for a first meeting, especially since you only met her a week ago. Comments like that are better saved until and if such ... (read in full...)
Why do I get so angry with my boyfriend and say things I don't mean?
Q. Why do I get so mad at my boyfriend for no reason and say such hurtful things to him that I dont mean? I love him with all my heart I dont want to push him away from me. I can't seem to control my mouth when I get mad. He's really getting f...
A. 12 January 2013: I don't believe there is any such thing as ".....for no reason."
First, I would ask you are you absolutely certain there is nothing in his behavior or attitude - no matter how subtle - that doesn't rub you the wrong way?
I think at some le... (read in full...)
Is change possible? What can I do to persuade my abusive husband to change?
Q. My husband is very controlling and abusive. I don't deserve to be treated this way. I left, thinking he would miss me and stop the abuse but he is just as bad if not worse. He still calls me names and degrades me. He accuses me of cheating on hi...
A. 11 January 2013: You can't change him. What you CAN do, however, is to make an appointment with a lawyer to begin exploring what you would be entitled to if you go ahead with divorce proceedings.
In the meantime, if you are still living with him - or near him... (read in full...)
Is change possible? What can I do to persuade my abusive husband to change?
Q. My husband is very controlling and abusive. I don't deserve to be treated this way. I left, thinking he would miss me and stop the abuse but he is just as bad if not worse. He still calls me names and degrades me. He accuses me of cheating on hi...
A. 11 January 2013: You can't change him. What you CAN do, however, is to make an appointment with a lawyer to begin exploring what you would be entitled to if you go ahead with divorce proceedings.
In the meantime, if you are still living with him - or near him... (read in full...)
Should I leave my BF of 6 years for someone I've known for 2 months?
Q. Hi all, My boyfriend of 6 years recently asked if it's ok if his sister could stay with us for a few weeks until she finds a place in the city.. His sister is a model, she's a gorgeous woman and is currently working with the top fashion companie...
A. 10 January 2013: I'm very glad to see that you came to your senses, LOL and have decided to move back in with your parents for a while.
Yes, I suppose K WAS disappointed - but he'll get over it!
On the other hand, your boyfriend must be much relieved to know... (read in full...)
Should I leave my BF of 6 years for someone I've known for 2 months?
Q. Hi all, My boyfriend of 6 years recently asked if it's ok if his sister could stay with us for a few weeks until she finds a place in the city.. His sister is a model, she's a gorgeous woman and is currently working with the top fashion companie...
A. 10 January 2013: I'm very glad to see that you came to your senses, LOL and have decided to move back in with your parents for a while.
Yes, I suppose K WAS disappointed - but he'll get over it!
On the other hand, your boyfriend must be much relieved to know... (read in full...)
Should I leave my BF of 6 years for someone I've known for 2 months?
Q. Hi all, My boyfriend of 6 years recently asked if it's ok if his sister could stay with us for a few weeks until she finds a place in the city.. His sister is a model, she's a gorgeous woman and is currently working with the top fashion companie...
A. 8 January 2013: I agree that you need to think things through and take your time to consider the consequences.
I would ALSO add that if you are living with your boyfriend to think about whose apartment it is. Did you move in with him, or did he move in with you... (read in full...)
I'm back with my ex but I'm not sure its a good thing
Q. Has too much happened to try again? I've been in realationship with now ex bf for 5 months. He really swept me off my feet, we have fun and are into the same things. The relationship has been full on virtually from the beginning. I'm a lone paren...
A. 8 January 2013: Do you REALLY mean to tell us you don't know what to do about this man??
My dear, I think you DO know what action to take for the sake of yourself and your child.
My advice to you is to act NOW.... (read in full...)
How can I break this cycle of him distancing himself?
Q. Hi All, I've been with by boyfriend for a year now and just spend a lovely week together over Christmas with his family after spending 5 weeks apart. Were semi long distance but text daily. Everything was great and we have 2 holidays lined u...
A. 6 January 2013: Yes, he's being unreasonable. He wants to see you on HIS terms. He's not concerned about your wishes.
Do you really want to put up with this? The ball's in your court.
... (read in full...)
How can I break this cycle of him distancing himself?
Q. Hi All, I've been with by boyfriend for a year now and just spend a lovely week together over Christmas with his family after spending 5 weeks apart. Were semi long distance but text daily. Everything was great and we have 2 holidays lined u...
A. 6 January 2013: How do you break the cycle? Well, seeing as how HE won't change, YOU need to make up his mind for him - namely, by giving him the boot.
... (read in full...)
I am so bloody angry at my dad!
Q. I'm really angry at my dad. He is so bloody annoying. I'm like 22 and I can't enjoy my bloody life. My parents want me to live life the way they think is right. They want to stuff me with goodies and fatty food and sit at home and join the fucking ...
A. 6 January 2013: Your "teenage rebellion" (a certain amount is normal when young adults are attempting to try their wings) seems to have been delayed - or have you been feeling this way for a long time?
There is so much hate and resentment in what you write. ... (read in full...)
He wants to break up --- is my old engagement ring just an excuse?
Q. I have a boyfriend of 6 months where things have been progressing quite quickly. This morning he called to call off the relationship because he realized 2 days ago that I was wearing an engagement ring from a previous man. Please note that as we ...
A. 4 January 2013: It strikes me that you have only been dating this man for six months, That really is a very short time to be thinking of getting married. It usually takes at least a year to really get to know one another and see if you are truly compatible enough ... (read in full...)
Should I confess my feelings to my teacher? / does he like me?
Q. Hi everyone, I have a common issue but I cant seem to find an answer that fits my exact situation. I have a crush on my teacher and I don't know if I should tell him or not but I think he likes me back. So ive been in an ensemble all four years o...
A. 29 December 2012: He's still your teacher. IamHereToHelpYou makes a very good point when she says he probably wants to see his students do well and may just find your jokes funny.
What I'm saying is not to blow this out of all proportion.
Even after you gradua... (read in full...)
Should I confess my feelings to my teacher? / does he like me?
Q. Hi everyone, I have a common issue but I cant seem to find an answer that fits my exact situation. I have a crush on my teacher and I don't know if I should tell him or not but I think he likes me back. So ive been in an ensemble all four years o...
A. 29 December 2012: No, you should definitely not tell him you have a crush on him nor should you tell him you're "interested" in h8im.
He is your teacher; you're a student. Gett8ing romantically involved with a pupil is not appropriate - as you are already aware.
... (read in full...)
How do I get this guy interested in me without him expecting sex?
Q. I have this guy I've liked for three years now. It's kind of pathetic I've admired him for this long and haven't had the guts to ever do anything until now, but let's say I've let him no I'm interested but not enough for him to no I REALLY like him ...
A. 29 December 2012: In terms of letting him know (not "no", by the way!) that you're interested in getting better acquainted, I'd try just chatting to him; nice, pleasant conversations about things you are interested in, and what he might also take an interest in. If ... (read in full...)
We meet up, have sex and then he doesn't call! Whats it all about?
Q. I am in a dilemma here. I met a guy in September at a party, both drunk. We kissed and talked. I bumped into him at a bar 2 weeks later and we just went straight home and jumped into bed. 3 weeks later we meet again at a party and home again. We ...
A. 28 December 2012: Well, you met him at a party,both of you were drunk; then saw him at a bar two weeks later and went straight home and into bed.
Tell me: did you get ANY indication after the great (though drunk) conversation at the first party that he was inte... (read in full...)
As it's her home area shall I ask her first where she'd like to go on our first date?
Q. So I think I might be into this girl. After we get back to college from Christmas break, I'm gonna see if she wants to go out. Where we go to school is her hometown, so she has her car, and she already has her favorite places, and knows everywhere...
A. 28 December 2012: By all means ask her where she would like to go on your first date.
I wouldn't offer to pay something toward gasoline - it's her car, and hometown where she attends college with you.
I'd recommend letting her drive to wherever you'll be going.... (read in full...)
Texting him for 4 months. Then he suggested FWB. Then ignored me totally. Am I right to be concerned by this?
Q. I've been texting this guy for around 4 months now and a few weeks ago we both told each other we like each other. Since then we've been texting everyday and have planned to meet up and go out somewhere. I should also mention that he also suggested ...
A. 28 December 2012: I know you are disappointed and wondering why he hasn't been back in touch. Unfortunately, when a man suggests becoming FWB,it means his main goal is sex on demand. He is not interested in being a real boyfriend to you.
As the other aunts ha... (read in full...)
Texting him for 4 months. Then he suggested FWB. Then ignored me totally. Am I right to be concerned by this?
Q. I've been texting this guy for around 4 months now and a few weeks ago we both told each other we like each other. Since then we've been texting everyday and have planned to meet up and go out somewhere. I should also mention that he also suggested ...
A. 28 December 2012: I know you are disappointed and wondering why he hasn't been back in touch. Unfortunately, when a man suggests becoming FWB,it means his main goal is sex on demand. He is not interested in being a real boyfriend to you.
As the other aunts ha... (read in full...)
How do I give him space when he's the only one I want to be talking to?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 5 months now. Everything was going great on Friday but a few days later he started acting funny. Like not texting good morning like he used to every single day or not calling at night like e usually ...
A. 9 October 2012: Your boyfriend is being very vague and non-specific when you ask him what's wrong and try to find out just exactly what is bothering him. The only thing he HAS told you is that he wants to deal with everything on his own.
Unfortunately, this is ... (read in full...)
I love my husband AND my lover!
Q. I have a situation here, need your help please. To cut the long story short, am married for 9 years. My husband is a good man, but there’s no passion, no sex, no children in our marriage. I met someone at my work place, we started off as friends, ...
A. 7 October 2012: As You Wish is right on target with her response.
You say you love your husband, but yet you made a choice to break your marriage vows (remember: "forsaking all others" and choose only him? I'm paraphrasing here). Marriage means being loyal to... (read in full...)
Am I stuck? Still in love with him, but not happy with him. What to do about my long term Bf ?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been with each other since I was 16 and he was 17. We are now 20 and 21. Our whole relationship has been long distance. We've been flying back and forth to make things work. Since he has a fulltime job I hvae done most o...
A. 5 October 2012: LDRs are never easy, and challenging at best.
You've been with this man five years now and haven't been happy for quite some time - yet YOU spend your money to fly to where he is for a visit; you bite your tongue a lot so as to not annoy him. Wh... (read in full...)
He's my ex and now he's married. So is he just looking for a booty call with me? Based on his actions?
Q. My ex dumped me a few years back. We were together a long time. It got really bad at the end. He ended up getting a restraining order against me because i would follow him, (not proud of that). Anyway, we bumped into each other last year. It was n...
A. 3 October 2012: My advice to you is WHATEVER he's looking for - and it may well be a booty call - you should not call him and in fact you should consider that while it was good to catch up with him JUST THIS ONCE, let that be a final end to it.
He's married.... (read in full...)
Is he using me? We never date, just have sex in the woods!
Q. Iv been seeing this guy for 2 months now and we meet up once a week, he seems nice but he never takes me out on a proper date. We only meet up for sex or heavy petting. He doesn't book a room up, we do it in the woods, Im feeling a bit used. He does ...
A. 3 October 2012: YES he's using you!!
Why would you ever agree to have sex in the woods with him to begin with if he is such a cheapskate that he's not even willing to pay for a hotel room?
Is he married? If so, you shouldn't - and he shouldn't have ... (read in full...)
How do I handle this? He only comes around when he wants sex!
Q. I am a heavy set woman that is very attractive and has had no problems finding ppl. But this one guy that I have been with only calls or comes around when he wants sex. How can I know if hes ashamed of me? Ive asked him over and over is he ashamed ...
A. 1 October 2012: This is a no brainer.
He's USING you. That is very clear. If you want a genuine boyfriend, I would recommend you get rid of him, pronto.
... (read in full...)
In a FWB relationship should I be angry that he stood me up?
Q. I have been seeing a guy for quite a short time. It started out as a one night stand but we have been seeing each others again after that. It is clear it is nothing else than for sex, which is fine with me since I am recently single and not really ...
A. 1 October 2012: Look: either dump this man immediately and don't get into FWB situations again, or, if you do, be prepared for the fact that you may well encounter the same kind of treatment again.
Yes, they SHOULD let you know if they're going to stand you up; ... (read in full...)
In a FWB relationship should I be angry that he stood me up?
Q. I have been seeing a guy for quite a short time. It started out as a one night stand but we have been seeing each others again after that. It is clear it is nothing else than for sex, which is fine with me since I am recently single and not really ...
A. 30 September 2012: Well, generally speaking, in a "friends" with benefits situation, the only concern is supposed to be when and how you make arrangements to meet for sex.
Even though there aren't supposed to be any other expectations, it was very inconsid... (read in full...)
Are we just numb from everything that has happened? Or have we lost our spark?
Q. Hi, I have been with a truly lovely man for 4 years and we were that couple that were so into each other, laughing together and holding hands all the time, absolute best friends. The last 2 years has been a very difficult time for both of ...
A. 30 September 2012: Sorry to hear of your difficulties. It does sound as though you've both been under a very great deal of stress what with job loss; the death of his grandfather and imminent loss of his grandmother, plus finding somewhere suitable to live and ... (read in full...)
The wedding is planned, I have even ordered my dress but I'm becoming more and more insecure in my relationship because of my boyfriend's actions
Q. Hi everyone, I really need some advice. I am 30 and engaged. We are supposed to be getting married mid next year. My fiancée and I have been together for nine years. However for the past year I have been feeling less and less secure in the relation...
A. 27 September 2012:
Why would he propose? Maybe because he thought he ought to after dating you for nine years, who knows?
Be that as it may, he is offering the flimsiest, tissue-paper thin excuses for his behavior How can he have much respect for you for acce... (read in full...)
Should I let go and move on or fight for him?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been going out for a year now. He is an Anglican while I am a Catholic. Met his parents on three occasions and they looked forward to having family lunch/dinner with me to also get to know me better and more. The problem is ...
A. 26 September 2012: Excuse me for going on what you yourself said:
Namely: Some man saw him at the new church; reported to his parents that you were trying to drag him away from their church; they got mad and don't want to see you again, and you add that "I'm try... (read in full...)
Should I let go and move on or fight for him?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been going out for a year now. He is an Anglican while I am a Catholic. Met his parents on three occasions and they looked forward to having family lunch/dinner with me to also get to know me better and more. The problem is ...
A. 25 September 2012: You say he started going to a different church, and invited you to join him.
True, the initial decision to do so was his, BUT YOU ADMIT to "trying to drag him away from family traditions." In other words, you are pressuring him instead of takin... (read in full...)
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