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This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
16 July 2011: The following was forwarded to me by a member of my church. It is adapated from a book: "Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work" I believe its worth passing on: "Dr. John gottman can predict with 96% accuracy within the first three minu...
A few things I've learned......
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 November 2010: Often we get posts from men and women who are wondering whether to ask their boyfriend or girlfriend "where do we stand"? Based on my own observations, and having been in situations such as this in the past, I have come to think its generally ...
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I feel stupid for falling for guys who do the same things to me, so much that I want to leave the country! Advice?
Q. Hi everyone, just looking for a bit of advice and a rant. I am 25 and dated someone from when I was 15 to 20. We grew apart so since then I have been looking for 'the one' I suppose. I just realised that we only get one life and wanted to meet ...
A. 23 April 2013: Well, leaving the country isn't the answer. You'd probably meet similar men wherever you went.
Perhaps next time you meet someone, don't immediately see him as a potential boyfriend. Take it slowly and try to get some sense of what he is like bef... (read in full...)
Does my Muslim boyfriend love me or is he using me?
Q. I am a catholic woman and have been seeing my muslim boyfirend for over a year now,i am very happy with him,he is originally from Yemen but from the age of ten had lived in cuba, he has been in britain for nearly 4 yrs now, he is still waiting to ...
A. 23 April 2013: better still, ditch the nikah AND this man. Loving someone doesn't always lead to a happy life - and this whole business about him not divorcing his wife because of money yet he wants to bring her and their child to England, sounds highly ... (read in full...)
Why is she treating me this way? Did she ever love me? I can't deal with this!!!
Q. Hi guys my girlfriend broke up with me 4 weeks ago a 6 month relationship. The thing is she's married and older 10 years she’s 28 I'm 18. Things were great I was moving closer to her she was making it clear it was over with her hubby. To make i...
A. 23 April 2013: First thing I'll say is I'm sorry to hear you are in so much emotional pain.
HOWEVER, the second thing I'm going to say is: you are behaving like an idiot!
Harsh? Yes. But really, you are 18. That's young, but still old enough to know b... (read in full...)
Does my Muslim boyfriend love me or is he using me?
Q. I am a catholic woman and have been seeing my muslim boyfirend for over a year now,i am very happy with him,he is originally from Yemen but from the age of ten had lived in cuba, he has been in britain for nearly 4 yrs now, he is still waiting to ...
A. 22 April 2013: I called a local mosque concerning nikah. This is what I was able to find out:
There has to be two witnesses.
There has to be a written contract drawn up
If a man has two wives he must provide separate dwellings for each of them.
So in s... (read in full...)
Does my Muslim boyfriend love me or is he using me?
Q. I am a catholic woman and have been seeing my muslim boyfirend for over a year now,i am very happy with him,he is originally from Yemen but from the age of ten had lived in cuba, he has been in britain for nearly 4 yrs now, he is still waiting to ...
A. 22 April 2013: I called a local mosque concerning nikah. This is what I was able to find out:
There has to be two witnesses.
There has to be a written contract drawn up
If a man has two wives he must provide separate dwellings for each of them.
So in s... (read in full...)
Does my Muslim boyfriend love me or is he using me?
Q. I am a catholic woman and have been seeing my muslim boyfirend for over a year now,i am very happy with him,he is originally from Yemen but from the age of ten had lived in cuba, he has been in britain for nearly 4 yrs now, he is still waiting to ...
A. 22 April 2013: Lots of red flags here! He is already married with a wife and child, and now wants to bring them to Britain, maybe to move in with you, for all you know.
You are Roman Catholic, he is Muslim. It's usually not a good idea to marry someone ... (read in full...)
My b/f doesn't text or call me. Is this normal?
Q. I have been with my current bf for two months. At the beginning (like two weeks), he usually wrote me like 5 texts per day and I liked it, we saw each other like 2 times per week and I thought the relationship was really great. After like two weeks ...
A. 22 April 2013: No, it definitely is not normal.
He went out with you twice a week for two months and now it has basically dwindled down to nothing.
When people date, they are "trying out" potential partners to see if there is enough in common to form a good r... (read in full...)
I love him still and want him in my life but have come to the realization that for now I have to let him hit rock bottom and pray that he finds his way back to my heart..hopefully soon enough.
Q. The man I love with who Ive been off and on (not because we argued all the time, just because he has not been ready for a relationship because of many aspects of his life). 1- When I say he's not ready for a relationship is because he isn't...
A. 22 April 2013: If he's in a midlife crisis, then given the issues you mention: going through difficulties at work - that would undermine his self-confidence and be worrisome - especially if his employers should tell him to leave - plus the fact that he's not ... (read in full...)
Do I ask him back after breaking up with him?
Q. okay so i had this boyfriend ..we dated last year then we broke up, then we tried it again this year but he was spending time with this girl ... and in class he would laugh and talk to her and we dont talk much in class so it got me to thinking ...
A. 18 April 2013: Too much drama going on here! First you were friends, but then he got interested in another girl and you broke up with him; now you want him back, but he isn't keen on getting back together with you.
Honey, you're both very young, and its natu... (read in full...)
I seem to be the only one on the "team" who does any work
Q. Hey! This isn't a relationship question, but I need advice and I didn't know where else to go. Sorry! I’m in college at the moment, and basically the person that lives with me does the same course, and last semester I ended up giving him liter...
A. 15 April 2013: TYou need to just refuse to supply these people with exam answers.
If they complain - well, LET them. Tell them you are "firing" them as of right now - and maybe you should think about getting a different roommate from the one you now have!... (read in full...)
Should I accept him when he doesn't know why he likes me?
Q. I have been going out every week with this friend who was introduced to me by my friend. He is a very nice guy. He text-ed me everyday and makes time for me. Last week after several dates he asked the question:" I was thinking when is a good time ...
A. 14 April 2013: Okay. You have had several dates with him. That really is not very much.
The reason its called "dating" is because its a process of getting to know each other to be able to see if the potential exists for a long-term, or even eventual... (read in full...)
No reply from the one I love. what does that mean?
Q. I met a American guy online three weeks ago. He is in his late 40s. I am falling in love with him .... We talked online and it seems go well. He needs to work on shift schedule, and i work only during day time. So, we do not talk every day because...
A. 13 April 2013: A couple of observations to begin with: You have known this man a mere three weeks. No time at all.
Second, its not as if you HAVE actually met him in person. iphone and video cam are still very flimsy methods of communication - even if they ... (read in full...)
I have a crush. How should I act in front of the son of the Boss, to avoid looking slutty or suggestive, as he is a serious man?
Q. hey guys i work ina hospital and my boss and the wife are strict people who are very rich and are good christians. so now i developed feelings for their son who is our adminstrator i can't stop thinking about him when he comes to work i feel nice...
A. 12 April 2013: OP, that's REALLY good advice from WiseOwlE!
Take care of yourself; let us know how it goes, if you like.
Good luck!... (read in full...)
I have a crush. How should I act in front of the son of the Boss, to avoid looking slutty or suggestive, as he is a serious man?
Q. hey guys i work ina hospital and my boss and the wife are strict people who are very rich and are good christians. so now i developed feelings for their son who is our adminstrator i can't stop thinking about him when he comes to work i feel nice...
A. 12 April 2013: Well, its natural to feel attracted to certain men. Just keep in mind that he IS the son of your boss and you need to be appropriate in your behavior - I'm not saying you're NOT appropriate now! What I AM saying is that as much as possible you ... (read in full...)
How do I confront my cheating Fiance without making her angry because I spyed into her emails?
Q. How do you let your fiance know that you know she is cheating without her getting mad because you have been looking at her email that she keeps leaving open, most recent email to her "friend" "I still want to meet with you. I want to try if you ar...
A. 11 April 2013: She is utterly in the wrong to cheat. I mean, you are both engaged - have made a promise - to marry, which she is not honoring. A woman of her word she most certainly is not!
I'm inclined to say you shouldn't have looked at her emails - but then... (read in full...)
Is it over or am I being led on?
Q. Back at the beginning of february my boyfriend of almost a year broke up with me. He then suggested that we continue for the next two weeks till it was a year. Stupidly I agreed to this even though I knew it would only hurt more, I just would have ...
A. 11 April 2013: He's just messing you around, dear. Take it into your own hands and DUMP him once and forever!
And - sorry you're having so much hurt over this. He's not - it's not - worth it! ... (read in full...)
How do I get my BF to stop living with his parents and marry me and contribute more financially?
Q. My bf and i have been together for just over four years. He knows I eventually want marriage and a family. I am in my late 20s and he is early 30's so we are at that age to seriously start thinking about it etc. He jokes around, but he is probab...
A. 9 April 2013: Well, if you want marriage and a family, you'd better look for another boyfriend!
You have been together four years plus. He knows what you want - you've made it clear to him - and he won't budge.
Trying to get him see the benefits of movi... (read in full...)
We just broke up and I don't want her to slip away from me!
Q. Me and my girlfriend of 4 and a half years recently broke up. We have been together throughout most of our teens and haven't really experienced "going out" and enjoying being young etc. Basically to enjoy the thrill of being single and experiencing ...
A. 8 April 2013: Before she can make a permanent life with you - IF she chooses to - its necessary and good that the two of you have separated so that she - and you! - can experience being single and meeting and dating others.
What I'm saying is it's not as thoug... (read in full...)
Is it worth it? He's young, charming, intelligent and in his mid twenties
Q. It all started last yr during september when i started working and i really enjoyed everything from the atmosphere to the people. Slowly i began to fall head over heels for one of my mentors, he was one of the assistants for my boss. Young,char...
A. 8 April 2013: One more thing: there is quite a difference in your ages, as you are aware.
My final word to you is do the best you possibly can at your studies, and your current job; enjoy your spare time and eventually you'll meet someone who will apprecia... (read in full...)
Is it worth it? He's young, charming, intelligent and in his mid twenties
Q. It all started last yr during september when i started working and i really enjoyed everything from the atmosphere to the people. Slowly i began to fall head over heels for one of my mentors, he was one of the assistants for my boss. Young,char...
A. 8 April 2013: Sorry to hear you are so disappointed.
A mentor is someone who encourages you in your work, and gives guidance, feedback and support, as necessary. Throw in handsome, and intelligent, and it's not surprising you might well fall for him. He, on t... (read in full...)
My teenage son wears my women's underwear, what should I do?
Q. My son (16) steals my unders and we talked but I have not talked or to my husband about him putting things in his hind end while he does this. That bothers me so should I worry? It's been a lot of house hold items I unfortunately have picked up to ...
A. 8 April 2013: It's a bit drastic, and I'm not sure how it could be done, but have you considered keeping your underwear in a drawer or closet that can be locked??
Besides, of course, insisting your son not use your underwear - or if he MUST, then tell him to b... (read in full...)
How can I get this man to bend? He says he doesn't want to be in a relationship
Q. I had a beautiful relationship with a man for ten months. We are both 38. We went through through alot together. He had been seperated from his wife for three years. They had no kids involved. The thing is his ex wife didnt really want him back, ...
A. 7 April 2013: Sorry, but the bottom line to all this is you CAN'T get him back.
Look here: he kept going back to his wife repeatedly did he not? Yes, he said he loved you - but you must know actions speak louder than words. He was telling you one thing bu... (read in full...)
I was snooping around boyfriend's home and found bags of ladies underwear, sex toys and porno!
Q. While snooping around my boyfriends house I found bags of ladies underware, sex toys and porno movies. I mean several bags! I was shocked. Why did he have these and why would be ever keep them. I can't tell him that I found this stuff because I was ...
A. 7 April 2013: If you hadn't snooped, you wouldn't have found those bags of women's underwear and porn.
I'm afraid you really had no business poking around in drawers or closets anyway. I doubt that he left them out in the open!
There's an old saying: "Th... (read in full...)
I was snooping around boyfriend's home and found bags of ladies underwear, sex toys and porno!
Q. While snooping around my boyfriends house I found bags of ladies underware, sex toys and porno movies. I mean several bags! I was shocked. Why did he have these and why would be ever keep them. I can't tell him that I found this stuff because I was ...
A. 7 April 2013: If you hadn't snooped, you wouldn't have found those bags of women's underwear and porn.
I'm afraid you really had no business poking around in drawers or closets anyway. I doubt that he left them out in the open!
There's an old saying: "Th... (read in full...)
I'm a struggling army girlfriend who feels like I'm giving 80 percent and he's giving 20!
Q. My boyfriend of 2and a half years is in his advance infantry training in the army right now it's been 4 months since he left and i have only got to see him 2 days out of all of that and I still have 4 months to go. This is the hardest thing I have ...
A. 7 April 2013: Hang in there! The next four months will be over before you know it.
Everyone has given you excellent advice on how to get through this trying time......... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to get naughty on chat roulette with strangers?
Q. Is it wrong to get naughty with strangers over Chat Roulette? My boyfriend has been gone for a few weeks overseas, and I have been very bored and lonely. I would never cheat on my partner, but lately I have been masturbating with men on Chat Rou...
A. 7 April 2013: Anonymity? Good heavens, girl, you're masturbating with various men, they're seeing you on Skype or video cam. How can that POSSIBLY be "anonymous"?!
Your boyfriend is away for a few weeks, and you say you're doing this because you are bored an... (read in full...)
Should I make my partner be checked for STD before having sex?
Q. Okay, so I'm 15 years old and I was thinking about the future. I'm not planning to have sex anytime soon, but when I am ready, I wanna make sure I'm being safe. I was wondering if it would be weird if I make my future partner have an STD check ...
A. 7 April 2013: That is EXCELLENT advice from iAmHereToHelpYou, OP!
And no, you certainly don't want to give your virginity - or indeed have any sex with anyone who wants you only for your body - and young guys, especially, can and do tend to say anything... (read in full...)
I made an online profile hoping the guy would figure out it was me. I texted him and now he hasn't texted me back. Now what?
Q. I met a guy on line. Things were going better then expected. I found out he was still actively on more then one dating website. Even tho I know we owe eacn other nothing yet and he has full right to be dating around. I went on the website and made a ...
A. 5 April 2013: Let's see if I can get get this straight:
You "met" a guy online. Did you at any time meet him IN PERSON??
As you said, even if you did actually meet once or twice you owe one another NOTHING. The "rules" of dating are that both people are ... (read in full...)
Do I need to back off from my male best friend now that he has a girlfriend?
Q. Hello everyone! Here's my problem... I am an introvert and am very shy. I have a lot of social awkwardness so that makes it hard for me to find and keep friends. I really only have two close people in my life that I let in. First there is my LDR ...
A. 3 April 2013:
It's natural you feel "burned" by your experience with your other best friend who just dropped you........
About your current best friend: would it be possible to get together sometimes with him AND his girlfriend? Better yet, if your boyfrie... (read in full...)
What can be done to get her to want me again? And why is she not discouraging her ex from reaching out to her?
Q. My GF and I been dating for 2 years. She's had a very "liberal" sexual past. Threesomes, group sex, other women, etc. We started off very hot and heavy. And after a few months, she moved in late last year. I've noticed over the past few months t...
A. 2 April 2013: The first thing you need to do is sit her down and have a frank talk with her about what's going on.
Let her know you find it disturbing that her ex is calling and sending messages - if you and she are (supposedly) in a committed relation... (read in full...)
My brother will be livid. But the guy who I have a crush on is my brother's best friend. How can I get the guy to notice me?
Q. I am a 19 year old girl and I have a major crush on my brothers best friend. He's 22. I really like him. He's smart, funny and very charming. My problem is I don't know how to make him see me that way. I have known him for around 5 years now and ...
A. 2 April 2013: Why would your brother be "livid" if his best friend goes out with you?
He may be your brother's best friend, but its none of your brother's business who he dates.
If you do get together with him, let things develop at their own pace and tak... (read in full...)
My much younger girlfriend goes dancing with her ex boyfriend
Q. I have had a girlfriend for over six months and in all that time she has been very affectionate at times but never once said she loves me. She likes to go dancing and occasionaly has men call her and ask if shes going. Recently ske has had an ex bo...
A. 1 April 2013: If you girlfriend likes to go dancing why haven't YOU taken her? Have you offered to and been turned down perhaps?
I don't think going out dancing with other men, and especially an ex, is appropriate if you're both living together.
If she ... (read in full...)
Should I text the guy I had first date sex with?
Q. Hello I asked a question last week after I (stupidly) had first-date sex and I am still not sure what to do. This is my original post: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/sex-on-the-first-date-how-can-i34.html OK the thing is, we had sex and...
A. 31 March 2013: My father would have had some good advice for you, namely (as he told me many years ago) "A man chases a woman until she catches him."
What does this mean? I think it signifies that a woman can be friendly when a man invites her out, she shows an... (read in full...)
Should I text the guy I had first date sex with?
Q. Hello I asked a question last week after I (stupidly) had first-date sex and I am still not sure what to do. This is my original post: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/sex-on-the-first-date-how-can-i34.html OK the thing is, we had sex and...
A. 30 March 2013: Don't send him another text. Wait and see if he contacts you.
After all, you only have his word for it that he was feeling unwell. You have no way of knowing if that was the case, or if he might have been trying to put you off. I mean, with tex... (read in full...)
My ex has threatened to post naked photos of me on the internet
Q. Hi there! I hope you can help me with my current situation. I was in a relationship with a foreigner (dutch guy) for about 6 mos. I decided to have full closure with him since I feel so bad about what had happened 2 mos. ago. He was like a nightmare ...
A. 30 March 2013: This horrible man is blackmailing you. If he wants you to return the necklace, then I think you should do so - but send it to him by registered post office mail and request the he sign for it - this way he can't say he didn't receive it. When you ... (read in full...)
Married man was flirting with me but now he tries to ignore me. Why?
Q. Hi everyone. Please don't judge because of what I am going to tell you. I have been flirting with an older married man and he has been flirting back. Long eye contact, a lot of smiling back and forth and all kinds of other things. He is alw...
A. 26 March 2013: Its hard to believe you would come on here and ask such a question.
I mean, you're an older woman, not a young teenager with very little experience of the world - though come to think of it, even a teenager with any common sense would know you... (read in full...)
Why is he calling me to ask how I am after weeks of silence?
Q. Dear all. I fell out with my bf around 5 weeks ago. I.'d had enough of the arguments and his silent treatment. I was upset,but sat it out,and did not ring him,and decided that was it for me. Anyway, he tried to ring me a couple of days back. I did ...
A. 25 March 2013: What do his motives matter if you are so fed up with his unpleasant behavior?
I mean, you decided not to get in touch with him because you have basically had it with all his nonsense, and up and down nature of the relationship.
There is no n... (read in full...)
Should I be concerned that my LDR boyfriend doesn't text or call me as much?
Q. Hi, I'm a single mother of two. I've been single for 4 years and while i have went out on dates, I never found anyone that I thought I could have a future with. Here's the thing I met a guy about a month ago, he is really sweet a respectful to me, ...
A. 24 March 2013: er........SHOLDN'T'
spelling error - SHOULDN'T... (read in full...)
Should I be concerned that my LDR boyfriend doesn't text or call me as much?
Q. Hi, I'm a single mother of two. I've been single for 4 years and while i have went out on dates, I never found anyone that I thought I could have a future with. Here's the thing I met a guy about a month ago, he is really sweet a respectful to me, ...
A. 24 March 2013: Okay. The last time you heard from him was a couple of days ago. Hardly any time at all. He told you then that he's falling in love with you - what are you so worried about?
If it is because, as you say, you're scared it might all go wrong an... (read in full...)
I fell in love with a boy who lives faraway but only communicates on facebook.
Q. SO .. I'm in love with a guy .. he's not from my school and he lives near my city ..i see him about 4-5 years and now i started to have feelings for him.. those feelings are very strong it's the first time that im in love like this ..i added him on ...
A. 24 March 2013: Two things:
1. You have to realize that having an online or Facebook friendship with someone you have never seen - or see only very occasionally - is not, and cannot be, a real relationship.
That takes spending time IN PERSON frequently with ... (read in full...)
I'm wondering about us getting back together, the problem is my friends and family will be shocked!
Q. I broke up with my boyfriend many many times, he always come after me and convinced me get back together. I tell him he don't listen to me and I want the space, but he don't leave me alone. Now he say he understand and can listen more, want to hear ...
A. 21 March 2013: What do we think? Well, I think you'd do well to remain broken up with this man and cut off all further contact. Think about it: his track record in pretty bad. I mean, you tried many times to end it with him and he refused to take "NO" for ... (read in full...)
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