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This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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16 July 2011: The following was forwarded to me by a member of my church. It is adapated from a book: "Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work" I believe its worth passing on: "Dr. John gottman can predict with 96% accuracy within the first three minu...
A few things I've learned......
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 November 2010: Often we get posts from men and women who are wondering whether to ask their boyfriend or girlfriend "where do we stand"? Based on my own observations, and having been in situations such as this in the past, I have come to think its generally ...
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How can I get past my girlfriend acting really out of character?
Q. Whilst travelling in Asia, I met and travelled with my now girlfriend for 2 months. Just recently, I have discovered that in between meeting me and hooking up, she had a one night stand with an 18 year old - she is 23. It has been exacerbated by t...
A. 24 November 2010: I suppose you have talked with her about this - guess you must have since she told you about it - what was her attitude? Did she indicate regret and something she'd never do again? Did you express shock, disappointment and tell her you couldn't ... (read in full...)
I want to sow my wild oats!
Q. I want to sow my wild oats. The problem is I am in a LDR and he doesn't know it. we never met. he is a great guy and I don't want to hurt his feelings so I need a good excuse to dump him for not apparent reason and no I can't be honest because that ...
A. 22 November 2010: The poster has never met this man so she can't do it in person.
I concur with the others who have commented that you don't need a reason to end it with him......however, you don't need to hurt him unecessarily by saying you want to sow your wil... (read in full...)
Are my reasons for wanting to end this whole thing and never enter into a relationship with him again reasonable?
Q. I broke up with my boyfriend of four months around one month ago. We had been friends for three years before finally deciding to go out, so we decided to go back to being friends. It turned out that we ended up being "friends with benefits". ...
A. 21 November 2010: Yes, he IS using you. If you want to end it you don't need to come up with reasons to justify doing so. Not that you don't already have plenty of them, seems to me.
Look: he's extremely critical and fault-finding. He says he doesn't like you... (read in full...)
She's married, but won't leave her marriage for me! How do I get over her?
Q. I'm married and have been having an affair with another married women for the past 5 years. My children are married and on their own, she has a 13 year old at home with her and her husband. She has said she will not get a divorce for the sake of her ...
A. 21 November 2010: What about your wife and children?
Dose of cold reality huh? Not a question you want to have asked.
But the truth is, you are not free to have an affair with this other woman; nor is she free to be involved with you.
"love" doesn't ma... (read in full...)
She's married, but won't leave her marriage for me! How do I get over her?
Q. I'm married and have been having an affair with another married women for the past 5 years. My children are married and on their own, she has a 13 year old at home with her and her husband. She has said she will not get a divorce for the sake of her ...
A. 21 November 2010: What about your wife and children?
Dose of cold reality huh? Not a question you want to have asked.
But the truth is, you are not free to have an affair with this other woman; nor is she free to be involved with you.
"love" doesn't ma... (read in full...)
I have a live in boyfriend and a married lover!
Q. Where do I start? I'm in a relationship with a married man and I'm in love with him however, I also, have a live-in boyfriend but that relationship is broken and has been before I became involved with the married man. I don't know what to do. I ...
A. 20 November 2010: Yes, this married man is in love with - himself. Not you, not his unfortunate wife.
There is no - I repeat NO future in this - and even if there was, it would not be a happy one for you.
No wonder your relationship with your boyfriend is in ... (read in full...)
Date 7 - talk about being exclusive?
Q. Dear Cupid, The guy I'm dating hasn't said anything about get getting exclusive and this wk we have Date 7. I know he's a guy who probably should stay a bachelor. Very busy, has tons of friends. Should I tell him on our date what I want - to be so...
A. 20 November 2010: I couldn't agree more with what Dorothy has said.
So this will be your seventh date? Its really MUCHa too soon to be asking about exclusivity! You're still getting to know one another......no, give it at least another six months..... (read in full...)
My boyfriend does not celebrate X-Mas and I'm hurt by his apparent disregard to my my feelings
Q. Me and my boyfriend are on the verge of breaking up over this.. He doesn't celebrate xmas, he's not from the UK, but he knows how important it is for my family to be around each other at that time, and this year has been one hell of a difficul...
A. 20 November 2010: Yopu say you're on the verge of breaking up with this man over his refusal to spend Christmas with you?
Well, then, let him get on with it, and be by himself, and YOU break up with HIM.
From what you tell us its very clear that you and he are j... (read in full...)
He is really sweet but cant say he loves me!
Q. I'm not sure what my question really is... but im with a guy who is sweet and caring and affectionate, but he can't say he loves me. And every month it gets harder for me to accept the indifference, i try to stay positive and just think 'be happy ...
A. 19 November 2010: If you come across here as angry and agressive, I wonder how your attitude strikes HIM? Because, believe me, even if you try not to be so pushy, he can sense it. Our attitudes show whether we want them to or not.......
Not only that, you've b... (read in full...)
Met first love during exchange overseas, how can we get over each other?
Q. I met my ex-bf during exchange in Europe, we were each others' first serious love. The time when we were together was amazing. But since we are from countries that are half the globe apart, we had no choice but to break up after our exchange. It's...
A. 19 November 2010: Cerberus Raphael has given you very good advice.
I would add one thing: You have a computer. Do you have Skype installed on it? If not, I strongly recommend downloading this program. Also, ask your boyfriend to get it on his computer as well.... (read in full...)
Going to meet my online guy, stay at his house and am worried about how his mother is going to react to me
Q. I met this guy online 2 year ago. To begin with he was just a cool friend then i got to know him and fell for him and same goes for him. I have loved this guy for an incredibly long time now and I know I do love him as Ive never felt this ...
A. 19 November 2010: Its perfectly natural that you'll be nervous as this is the first time you will meet him in person.
Just be pleasant to his mother, and courteous. You might want to take her a small gift - some British teabags, perhaps that she can't get in Canad... (read in full...)
He has broken up with me 15 times in the last 2 years!
Q. hi im 22 years old and my boyfriend is 25, iv'e been with him for about 2 years there's something really wrong with him. in the past 2 years he's broke up with me about 15 times and his exuse is im scared of getting hurt... i keep telling him im not ...
A. 17 November 2010: For heavens sake! It should be obvious what you should do!
Dump him - right now snd cut off any and all communication with him immediately. You have nothing in common with this man, and all you need do is to first say that, then second that you... (read in full...)
Should I hang in there? I don't want to be played games with...
Q. I met a man at church and he will wink at me and we always look into each other eyes. last sunday i went up to him while he was sitting down and said good morning to him. he had a big smile on his face and he pulled my head down next to his. after ...
A. 15 November 2010: Forever58: How did it go on Sunday? Did you see your friend at church and let him know you'd like to have lunch with him sometime???... (read in full...)
This is the longest I've ever been seeing a guy, but I don't know where I stand with him?
Q. Im going to try and brief this question up as much as possible. Im 18 years old, and im seeing this guy thats 20. We're not official yet, we're just getting to know each other, etc. We've been seeing each other for a little over two months now...
A. 15 November 2010: Three dates - even though you've known him two months - is really very, very little.
As you said, you are both (in the very beginning) stage of getting to know each other.
Its good to take it slow, and the fact that he has not "tried anything"... (read in full...)
We had a wonderful first date! So why is he ignoring me now?
Q. Well I recently went out with this guy and am trying to find out why he went Missing In Action on me, when I thought we had a lovely time. He picked me up from my house on the day of our date. He was dressed nice and smelled good. He was respectful ...
A. 15 November 2010: I think one clue is that when he dropped you off he told you "we'll go out again when our schedules are straight."
Now THAT sounds as if he's a busy guy. You didn't hear from him so you sent a text after two days. In future, try to let three fu... (read in full...)
We had a wonderful first date! So why is he ignoring me now?
Q. Well I recently went out with this guy and am trying to find out why he went Missing In Action on me, when I thought we had a lovely time. He picked me up from my house on the day of our date. He was dressed nice and smelled good. He was respectful ...
A. 15 November 2010: I think one clue is that when he dropped you off he told you "we'll go out again when our schedules are straight."
Now THAT sounds as if he's a busy guy. You didn't hear from him so you sent a text after two days. In future, try to let three fu... (read in full...)
He's married, but I want him! What should I do?
Q. hi, am a 37 yeas old woman never been married am in a relationship with a married man 4 years ago. we are both really in love. he has a 5 year old boy and has been married for 10 years but he doesn't love her. he says there is nothing keeping him ...
A. 15 November 2010: I'll help you.
First of all, he is MARRIED. That means he's off-limits to you and to any other (and all other) women.
Second, if he's been married ten years and is telling you he's only staying with his wife because of their child, and... (read in full...)
I'm a Christian, he's a Muslim and I don't think this is going to work!
Q. Someone please help me! I've just found out that my Internet romance, who I have fancied for about 4 months now and think he's amazing, is a Muslim! I'm a strong Christian in a very strong Christian family. I don't know what to to I love him to b...
A. 14 November 2010: Everyone has a lot of wisdom to offer you. You are still very young, really too young to be thinking of marrying him or even making a commitment.
As Cerberus Raphael stated, The teachings of both Jesus and Mohammed on being loving, and consider... (read in full...)
I'm a Christian, he's a Muslim and I don't think this is going to work!
Q. Someone please help me! I've just found out that my Internet romance, who I have fancied for about 4 months now and think he's amazing, is a Muslim! I'm a strong Christian in a very strong Christian family. I don't know what to to I love him to b...
A. 14 November 2010: In theory, what Cerberus Raphael says is all well and good.
BUT there is a HUGE difference in the ways Christians and Muslims practise their religion. How much do you know about what is involved and expected of a devout Muslim, man or woman? ... (read in full...)
Swinger wanting to be monogamous with me!
Q. ok this is gonna sound really weird but anyways. i met this guy a couple of months ago and we both hit it off. a few days later he told me that he was a member of swingers club i was like oh cool. it doesnt really bother me i was happy that he was h...
A. 12 November 2010: You've only been dating a couple months. That's no time at all to be thinking of a future together - which he has begun to do.
It takes time - like about a year, at least - to begin to get an idea as to how compatible two people really are. Yo... (read in full...)
Is this grounds for breaking up with her for the 6th time?
Q. Am I a bad person? I do have a bad temper to the point where I raise my voice. I sometimes scream when I am angry. I have a girlfriend of two years, I have broken up with her five times in that past, I don't know why exactly. I don't know if it was ...
A. 11 November 2010: No, you're not a bad person at all.
She, however, is really playing games with you and giving you the run-around. In theory, once you break up with someone you and she are then free to meet and date anyone else you please, and the one you ende... (read in full...)
My fiance's girlfriend told me he doesn't love me even though he was the one to propose, how do I find out who is telling the truth here?
Q. I have got engaged since 6 years back..and i love him crazily.he have got a lot of girlfriends, he talks with them, he calls them and he flirts with them on facebook.it hurts me.and also there is a girl who flirts with him.and 2 months back this ...
A. 9 November 2010: I'm really sorry but this doesn't sound good at all.
You say he proposed to you and you got engaged SIX years ago. That's a heck of a long time to be engaged - unless you were very young at the time and he was waiting for you to mature some bef... (read in full...)
Any suggestions, as I watch her try to decide what to do with her marriage?
Q. I am a male, age 56 and recently left a 30 year marriage after falling in love with another woman...Gosh, heard this before, I'm sure. Anyway, to complicate things, she is in an unhappy 30 year marriage herself and is in love with me as well. We ...
A. 9 November 2010: Well, people marry for all sorts of reasons, don't you think? I suppose that for some, having two incomes makes life easier if one of the two of you has been struggling to make ends meet. Nothing wrong with that, PROVIDED there is genuine love and ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is so nasty to me, he is now my ex boyfriend, but how do I still love him
Q. My now ex boyfriend I was with for 4 years. We was each others first loves. I fell in love with this guy knowing he was super stubborn. So now that we have spilt I have relised how bad he treated me! He was very arguementive, and started arg...
A. 9 November 2010: Yes, he was bullying you - and thoroughly enjoying it, sorry to say. You allowed him to get away with it.
The first time he dumped you should have been the last time. When it ends, it ends. No "if's" "and's" or "but's". By that time it gets ... (read in full...)
What if I'm imagining all the flirting between my married teacher and me?
Q. i reallly like my male teacher, but he is married. with a 2 year old daughter. i have heard rumors that he kinda creeps on his students but has never done anything sexual with him. i really want to do something with him and i'm afraid he will reject ...
A. 9 November 2010: Please, don't be so foolish! What in heck are you thinking?
This man is your teacher. He could lose his job if he were to get involved with his female students. Moreover, doesn't it mean ANYTHING to you that he is married and has a young da... (read in full...)
Any suggestions, as I watch her try to decide what to do with her marriage?
Q. I am a male, age 56 and recently left a 30 year marriage after falling in love with another woman...Gosh, heard this before, I'm sure. Anyway, to complicate things, she is in an unhappy 30 year marriage herself and is in love with me as well. We ...
A. 9 November 2010: Re: anonymous poster: the reason her therapist - and indeed the lady herself - is encouragin her to leave the marriage (if that is what she finally decides to do) and be on her own is because she NEEDS to stand on her own feet, be her own person ... (read in full...)
Is he just sparing my feelings?
Q. To make a long story short, I met a man and neither of us had a desire to be anymore than friends. Well, we fell deeply in love anyway! He's 59, I am 51. We dated and were together for 8 great months untill he lost his job and couldn't find ...
A. 9 November 2010: P.S. One more thought: You said you wish he'd realize it would be easier with two incomes. I strongly recommend that you NOT push on that at this time. You've only been dating a short time and he most likely isn't ready yet to think of living ... (read in full...)
Is he just sparing my feelings?
Q. To make a long story short, I met a man and neither of us had a desire to be anymore than friends. Well, we fell deeply in love anyway! He's 59, I am 51. We dated and were together for 8 great months untill he lost his job and couldn't find ...
A. 9 November 2010: Excellent advice from Windbreeze! And glad I was able to help......you may have to be the one doing the calling - as she says - after 7:00 p.m. - at the moment.
Don't offer him a loan - he may be too proud to take it - but as I mentione... (read in full...)
Is he just sparing my feelings?
Q. To make a long story short, I met a man and neither of us had a desire to be anymore than friends. Well, we fell deeply in love anyway! He's 59, I am 51. We dated and were together for 8 great months untill he lost his job and couldn't find ...
A. 8 November 2010: Look: losing his job at his age and in this economic climate is a huge blow to him. He may well be feeling depressed at having to move back home.
He may very well STILL want the closeness with you and to develop your relationship, BUT how CAN ... (read in full...)
I need help on saying goodbye
Q. i've been involved with this guy for 4 years, nothing official just involved. and recently things got more serious and we slept together and now things have changed and i need to say goodbye because were on different levels of this relationship and ...
A. 8 November 2010: Question: Are you absolutely sure you WANT to say goodbye and not just send a powerful message detailing mistakes he made and ways he let you down?
Because if you ARE certain you want to end it, then go right ahead, send a letter - heck, send it ... (read in full...)
I need help on saying goodbye
Q. i've been involved with this guy for 4 years, nothing official just involved. and recently things got more serious and we slept together and now things have changed and i need to say goodbye because were on different levels of this relationship and ...
A. 8 November 2010: Question: Are you absolutely sure you WANT to say goodbye and not just send a powerful message detailing mistakes he made and ways he let you down?
Because if you ARE certain you want to end it, then go right ahead, send a letter - heck, send it ... (read in full...)
My married boyfriend is messing with my head!
Q. I really need help, advice, anything. Shamefully, I have been dating an emotionally and physically abusive married man for 2 years now. He has no children, and claims to have been miserable in his marriage since day 1. He told me he married her out ...
A. 8 November 2010: Well, I sincerely hope you ARE done.
We get SO may messages from women here (almost always women, though not entirely) who say they're dating a married man, who is in a loveless marriage and "someday" he's going to leave her for "you." And of c... (read in full...)
A person I loved is really mad at me! When do I try to make contact again?
Q. Hi everyone...I'm really sad and sometimes depresion gets over me.A person who I really loved is mad at me I guess she doesn't want to talk to me.That person said it will comeback wen its ready to come. Yet months have passed n its still not here. ...
A. 8 November 2010: Sounds like its over, for good. She's evidently made up her mind to it. Nothing you can do.......sorry... (read in full...)
Any suggestions, as I watch her try to decide what to do with her marriage?
Q. I am a male, age 56 and recently left a 30 year marriage after falling in love with another woman...Gosh, heard this before, I'm sure. Anyway, to complicate things, she is in an unhappy 30 year marriage herself and is in love with me as well. We ...
A. 8 November 2010: Now look: you can't solve her marital problems. She's going to have to deal with it on her own, one way or another.
You may have left your wife - I hope you are getting divorced if you want to pursue someone else, by the way - but this woman is... (read in full...)
Is it possible that this guy could have liked me?
Q. Could this guy have liked me? I went to a pub , and he looked at me a few times. When my friend, who was sat next to me was talking, he leaned sideways to look at me a couple of times (he was sat on another table and my friend was blocking his view ...
A. 8 November 2010: Didn't you post this same question last week?? Why again now? Did you not get any responses?
Anyway, the truth is this man DIDN'T approach you when he had the chance so he couldn't have been all that interested.
Maybe you'll see him there ag... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is verbally controlling and abusive. Should I stay or leave?
Q. my boyfriend is 19....4 years older than me. hes such a gentleman bt hes verbally controlling and abusive. weve been engaged for 4 months now and were planning a family. i dnt know if i should stay or go...
A. 7 November 2010: Honey, he's no gentleman! Getting involved with someone who shows this kind of disrespect by verbally abusing you and telling you what to do and what not to do (controlling) is a huge mistake. If you hang on to him your life will be miserable and ... (read in full...)
If my quiet social life bothers him so much, why does he still want to be friends with me?
Q. I met him on a dating site and dated him for 2 months. The first month things were going really well and we were spending almost too much time together. The second month is when things started to go downhill especially after telling me he wanted to ...
A. 7 November 2010: Sounds as if he doesn't respect you and the choices you make about yoru social life.
If his idea of "fun" is to go from bar to bar every weekend and get drunk, then I don't think much of it. And HE has the nerve to give YOU a long list of what ... (read in full...)
If we don't work out I'm not sure if I want to be part of our child's life because of how much hurt she has caused me....
Q. Ok here goes!!!!!!!! My fiance and I are expecting a child in June 2011 (its her first). We are now separated and she does not know what she wants with us. She has said she wants space for 2 weeks and we are not over but there's things she can not ...
A. 5 November 2010: Well, its very difficult.
Quite frankly I wonder whatever happened to getting married and THEN having a baby??? Or is that an outdated notion these days? (I don't specifically mean you, but so many do this now.....)
... (read in full...)
I think her behavior was very disrespectful and self-centered
Q. Yesterday, I got home from work and drove to go eat dinner with her. During the dinner, she said she had cravings for ice cream afterward. I told her we can go to our usual place and get some. We walked to the car after finishing dinner, and she ...
A. 5 November 2010: Whew! She acted like a spoiled brat. Very rude and inconsiderate.
I wonder what bee got in her hair to drive her to behave as she did........even if she had had a bad day and was feeling aggravated, acting up like that was totally unec... (read in full...)
I think her behavior was very disrespectful and self-centered
Q. Yesterday, I got home from work and drove to go eat dinner with her. During the dinner, she said she had cravings for ice cream afterward. I told her we can go to our usual place and get some. We walked to the car after finishing dinner, and she ...
A. 5 November 2010: Whew! She acted like a spoiled brat. Very rude and inconsiderate.
I wonder what bee got in her hair to drive her to behave as she did........even if she had had a bad day and was feeling aggravated, acting up like that was totally unec... (read in full...)
My boyfriend and I are taking a break. But he doesn't stop calling me
Q. So... My boyfriend and I are taking a break. But he doesn't stop calling me. HE decided to take a break to think about things. He needs to thinks about what he wants, and get his head sorted out cause he noticed after nine months that this wa...
A. 5 November 2010: Well, perhaps he really ISN'T all that confused about his feelings for you after all. Or, maybe he is, and yet wants what he can't have at the moment. Hard to tell which it is.
I think try this: next time he calls you, tell him nicely but quit... (read in full...)
Should I hang in there? I don't want to be played games with...
Q. I met a man at church and he will wink at me and we always look into each other eyes. last sunday i went up to him while he was sitting down and said good morning to him. he had a big smile on his face and he pulled my head down next to his. after ...
A. 3 November 2010: Okay. Let us know how it goes next Monday! Good luck... (read in full...)
Should I hang in there? I don't want to be played games with...
Q. I met a man at church and he will wink at me and we always look into each other eyes. last sunday i went up to him while he was sitting down and said good morning to him. he had a big smile on his face and he pulled my head down next to his. after ...
A. 2 November 2010: I still say when you see him next Sunday, why don't you just tell him you'd like to get together for lunch one day and see what he says? If he IS in fact dating someone he may well tell you so then.......but perhaps he's not.
Anyway, is there an... (read in full...)
Should I hang in there? I don't want to be played games with...
Q. I met a man at church and he will wink at me and we always look into each other eyes. last sunday i went up to him while he was sitting down and said good morning to him. he had a big smile on his face and he pulled my head down next to his. after ...
A. 31 October 2010: I think in this case you might want to be bold and invite him to have lunch with you sometime. You could suggest a particular day - i.e., how about next Wednesday or Friday - and see how he responds. If he is interested this will give him an ... (read in full...)
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