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This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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16 July 2011: The following was forwarded to me by a member of my church. It is adapated from a book: "Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work" I believe its worth passing on: "Dr. John gottman can predict with 96% accuracy within the first three minu...
A few things I've learned......
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 November 2010: Often we get posts from men and women who are wondering whether to ask their boyfriend or girlfriend "where do we stand"? Based on my own observations, and having been in situations such as this in the past, I have come to think its generally ...
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Should I hang in there? I don't want to be played games with...
Q. I met a man at church and he will wink at me and we always look into each other eyes. last sunday i went up to him while he was sitting down and said good morning to him. he had a big smile on his face and he pulled my head down next to his. after ...
A. 15 November 2010: Forever58: How did it go on Sunday? Did you see your friend at church and let him know you'd like to have lunch with him sometime???... (read in full...)
My boyfriend and I are taking a break. But he doesn't stop calling me
Q. So... My boyfriend and I are taking a break. But he doesn't stop calling me. HE decided to take a break to think about things. He needs to thinks about what he wants, and get his head sorted out cause he noticed after nine months that this wa...
A. 5 November 2010: Well, perhaps he really ISN'T all that confused about his feelings for you after all. Or, maybe he is, and yet wants what he can't have at the moment. Hard to tell which it is.
I think try this: next time he calls you, tell him nicely but quit... (read in full...)
He's distant, won't look me in the eyes, only gives me one-word answers and doesn't really talk to me.
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 7 months. Just this weekend I had a text on saturday saying 'down at the pub for a party, miss you loads and love you more than ever xxxxxx' This sort of message isn't uncommon for him, He likes to tell me how much ...
A. 5 November 2010: Perhaps he is confused by his sudden wish to be distant from you and isn't sure what to do about it (evidently, because when you said maybe it should be ended he wasn't ready to take that final step. This probably why he wants a three week ... (read in full...)
I have been having terrible low points , I'll range between venemously angry to bursting into tears for no reason
Q. What is up with me?? I am a fairly normal female, great boyfriend, great friends and family, love my job...But my God do I get hormonal these days! I don't know if it's PMT or what, but the past 5 months I have been having terrible low points ...
A. 5 November 2010: It MIGHT be pre-menstrual tension, but whatever it is, I think you should make an appointment to talk with your doctor asap.
The doctor will not judge you or think you're going crazy. He or she is there to help you........... (read in full...)
He is abusive and neglectful, skips work and is attached to his computer. What kind of man is this?
Q. I have been with a man for close to 3 years after his divorce in 2008. He started to become violent but yet abusive in his own way towards me. I ignored all signs and continue the relationship. We moved in together and I began to see he was attached ...
A. 4 November 2010: Yes, why are you still with him?
As to what kind of man he is, well, worthless, that's what.
Surely you can do much better once you've given him the old-heave-ho, had time to yourself to think about this and to learn from it.......... (read in full...)
If I meet up with my male friend (who I have no feelings for), will my boyfriend think it is ok to start meeting up with his ex's again?
Q. Basically. My boyfriend ruined my trust at the 1 year barrier as he had coffee with an ex without telling me, after about of month of telling me he didn't want to see her again, and me crying because he'd be texting her ALL the time. We had a big ...
A. 4 November 2010: What do you do, you ask. Its quite simple: DITCH him.
Look, he has lied to you and demonstrated that he is not trustworthy.
What business is it of his if you do meet up with an old college friend - and you don't have to be attracted to hav... (read in full...)
How could a man be like this?
Q. Why would a guy not be interested in women until he was in his late 20s,never settles down,but had a bit of a relationship with someone years ago,keeps going round another womens house for sex now and again,when he finds out shes pregnant he wants ...
A. 4 November 2010: He has no sense of morals or decency. Unfortunately, there are men - and women - "out there" who just want what they want, when they want it, and the hell with anybody & everybody else.
If this is someone you are or have been involved with, I ... (read in full...)
What should I do now? I'm reluctant to text or call again and I really am not into mind games....
Q. I met this guy on a night out last Saturday, my friends informed me that he kept 'checking me out' i'd just arrived at the pub as he had with his friends. He then came upto me knelt down besides me in front of my friends and told me that he liked ...
A. 4 November 2010: Weelll......it was an extremely casual way you met this man, and as you said, he told you he was going to be busy from now until Christmas. Before that, though he clearly was trying to get you to agree to having sex with him, which you said you ... (read in full...)
Should I hang in there? I don't want to be played games with...
Q. I met a man at church and he will wink at me and we always look into each other eyes. last sunday i went up to him while he was sitting down and said good morning to him. he had a big smile on his face and he pulled my head down next to his. after ...
A. 3 November 2010: Okay. Let us know how it goes next Monday! Good luck... (read in full...)
How do I tell my long distance love that we need to be realistic about this?
Q. Hi, I need help big time. Basically, me and this girl met on vaction, but only for 6 hours, we then exchanged numbers. And call and text every single day. Have been doing so for 5 months, and have met up 3 times since then. But she lives 4 hours ...
A. 3 November 2010: Sounds as if its very difficult.
I going to assume that its not the distance, per se, so much as your backgrounds may be totally different. After all, you say you cannot tell your parents because they are different. Possibly her parents are of a... (read in full...)
Should I take a minute of joy, for an hour of heartache?
Q. I'm falling love with a woman that's not going to near me in a few months. I can't stop myself from having feelings for her. When she's asleep in my arms my world is her. When she's not near, all I think about is her, everything else has the volume ...
A. 3 November 2010: Are you talking about a long-distance relationship??
Or is this woman somehow unavailable - i.e, is she married?]
Your question isn't very clear......... (read in full...)
Should I hang in there? I don't want to be played games with...
Q. I met a man at church and he will wink at me and we always look into each other eyes. last sunday i went up to him while he was sitting down and said good morning to him. he had a big smile on his face and he pulled my head down next to his. after ...
A. 2 November 2010: I still say when you see him next Sunday, why don't you just tell him you'd like to get together for lunch one day and see what he says? If he IS in fact dating someone he may well tell you so then.......but perhaps he's not.
Anyway, is there an... (read in full...)
I fell in love with what I thought was a girl...but she's a he
Q. Help. I fell in love over the internet with someone, and they feel absolutely the same thing. They were saying over the past few days that they were insecure about something, and they've been summoning up enough courage to mention it. Finally, the...
A. 2 November 2010: Sorry, but this is not a situation that can possibly end well. You THOUGHT you were in touch with another woman until he finally summoned up the courage to tell you the truth.
Remember, though: you have not met him in person, and until you do, ... (read in full...)
I hate that every time his ex calls he runs back to her! I know she is the mother of his child, but I don't want to be number 3 in his life.....
Q. Hi everyone , Its ben like this let me get straight to the point. Im now dating my boyfriend for some months since july but i known him for 5-6 years already, and out of nowhere we been hanging out the whole World Cup south africa 2010 ''time'', c...
A. 2 November 2010: Just because she stoops so low and is calling you nasty names, doesn't mean YOU have to sink to her level!
Show that you're "better quality" than she is by totally ignoring her.......if necessary, change your email address and/or block her........ (read in full...)
I really want to be with her but I think it might be bad in the long run.....what should I do?
Q. Hi everyone. Thank you for checking out my question. I really appreciate that. My girlfriend and I just broke up 1 week ago because of some stupid jealousy question she asked. Now she's giving hints to get back together. One of it is when I said I...
A. 2 November 2010: Good advice from both spiderpig and Mr. Nice Guy 451.
I would add that if you decide you want to stay in touch with her, then get a laptop - even a netbook such as Toshiba (which you can buy for less than $500) with wi-fi so you can "visit" ... (read in full...)
Had a one night stand and now freaking out about STD's, how should I approach this situation?
Q. Hi! I would really appreciate if I could get some answers! Anyway, I went to a party and got drunk to the point I don't remember most of it. The thing is I had a one night stand with a guy I never met before and since I can't recollect anything...
A. 2 November 2010: You need to see a doctor and get checked out right away to rule out any STDs. Apart from that, next time you go to a party you need to limit your drinking so this doesn't happen again.......what did the man say when you phoned him?
I hope you... (read in full...)
My girlfriend not only forgot my birthday but now wants to go away without me this weekend!
Q. My girlfriend of years, we keep breaking up and getting back together, has forgotten my birthday again, and has told me she can't see me this weekend because she is spending the weekend with her cousin and neice, because it's the cousin's birthday, ...
A. 2 November 2010: Not very considerate of her. However, if you say you've known her for years but you two keep breaking up and then (later) getting back together, there must be some serious issues you and she have not been able to resolve.....
What have you done... (read in full...)
I hate that every time his ex calls he runs back to her! I know she is the mother of his child, but I don't want to be number 3 in his life.....
Q. Hi everyone , Its ben like this let me get straight to the point. Im now dating my boyfriend for some months since july but i known him for 5-6 years already, and out of nowhere we been hanging out the whole World Cup south africa 2010 ''time'', c...
A. 2 November 2010: Lady you are spitting venom concerning your boyfriend's ex! I don't know when I've seen so much hatred expressed in a message........
Anyway, to get to the point: Like it or not, he DOES have a son with this woman, and he SHOULD be a presence... (read in full...)
My emotions are back and forth with my LDR!
Q. I've been dating a guy for 3 months now. We only see each once every two weeks as he lives 150 miles away from me. The problem is I seem to be torn between commitment phobia and separation anxiety, eg on our last date. At first I was totally happ...
A. 31 October 2010: Your dilemma is not too surprising as you've only known him three months and only meet every two weeks, which means a total of six dates so far. It takes a lot more than that to really get to know another person and begin to get some idea as to how ... (read in full...)
Should I hang in there? I don't want to be played games with...
Q. I met a man at church and he will wink at me and we always look into each other eyes. last sunday i went up to him while he was sitting down and said good morning to him. he had a big smile on his face and he pulled my head down next to his. after ...
A. 31 October 2010: I think in this case you might want to be bold and invite him to have lunch with you sometime. You could suggest a particular day - i.e., how about next Wednesday or Friday - and see how he responds. If he is interested this will give him an ... (read in full...)
This is driving me nuts... I'm heartbroken he cheated and we've not even met yet!
Q. whats happening???? I met a guy on the net 2 years ago and we have become very close, get on wicked its unreal and we have a great connection... he says he loves me and wants to marry me... we havent even met each other yet!!! he occasionally spi...
A. 31 October 2010: Unfortunately you have placed way too much faith in something that has no basis in the "real world."
His interest in you - sorry to say - just isn't there. If it was he would have tried to meet you in person a very long time ago.
Have you neve... (read in full...)
I just lost the love of my life... how do I get over him?
Q. I just lost the love of my life I'm so sad. I can't believe he said we should go our own way. I feel dead, my heart is broken. I really love him. How do I get over him? ...
A. 31 October 2010: Oops, sorry, I just realized he broke up with you because he said you should both go your separate ways........but you know, its pretty normal not to be exclusive with any one person at your young age. You both need to see lots of different people ... (read in full...)
I just lost the love of my life... how do I get over him?
Q. I just lost the love of my life I'm so sad. I can't believe he said we should go our own way. I feel dead, my heart is broken. I really love him. How do I get over him? ...
A. 31 October 2010: Aw honey. That's very hard esp. at your age. It may seem impossible to believe right now, but you know, its really NOT the end of the world. (I'm guessing you didn't lose him due to death??)
Just grieve for a while, and then try to get back inv... (read in full...)
Boyfriend physical with me, it always involves alcohol
Q. I love my fiance more then anything! We plan on getting married and having babies together. We have been through so much together and I know he loves me dearly! I have never been in such a loving relationship but the other day he beat me up quite ...
A. 30 October 2010: There is NEVER ANY excuse for physical violence.
The victim - in this case its you - usually tend to blame themselves and think its something they've done to bring about the beating. I see this in you.
It has happened more than once and I ... (read in full...)
Will he be more likely to contact me if I stop trying to contact him?
Q. I have broken up with my boyfriend,2 weeks ago.He hasn't contacted me although i did email him and text him but no response.Does the "No Contact" rule actually works? I read on a website that if you want your lover back then he has to miss you 1st ...
A. 29 October 2010: First you ended it, thenyou both resolved it, got back together; had another argument and this time HE ended it.
For heavens' sake, leave it alone! You two were having problems which could not be resolved, that's why you split up. Even when two... (read in full...)
I don't know how to be friends with and build a relationship with the girl I love.
Q. There is this very beautiful girl in my computer class, we both go to church, but not the same one and we both love God with all our hearts. One night before bed I asked God "if she is the one, Lord, I ask that you shine a golden light down upon her ...
A. 29 October 2010: Well, why not continue trying to talk to her; ask her how her day went; what sort of things interest her, and so on and talk some about your own interests.
She is only 14 and far too young (and it would be illegal, besides) to get into anything... (read in full...)
What kind of a relationship is this?
Q. Well my friend who I am starting to like has asked whether i want sex with her I've said yes an we are both going to next week. Neither of us are virgins and we are quite close. thing is I don't know whether this is the beginning of a fuck ...
A. 29 October 2010: The thing is, what kind of relationship do YOU want it to be?
If you want it to become an actual relationship as opposed to a friends-with-benefits - the "benefits" being sex with really very little "frienship", or a one-off is something you need... (read in full...)
I had an abortion when very young. Will I be able to get pregnant later?
Q. hi, i just want to ask some information about something. When i was 14 years old i sleep with my boyfriend 17 years old that time and got positive 6 weeks. when my mother find it out she was very very angry and tell me theres no way for her to...
A. 28 October 2010: You probably could get pregnant again - but you need to go see a gynecologist and be throughly checked out to be sure.
One word of caution: when you meet a man you're really compatible with, get married and then get pregnant! Children need and... (read in full...)
Has my relationship got a chance of lasting?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for a year now. In the last five months or so, alarms bells have been ringing; saying somethings not quite right here. I am in love with him. I worship the ground he steps on. I am in full time trai...
A. 28 October 2010: Well, maybe not having any contact with him for at least a couple of weeks will help clarify some things for you.
His insecurity and clingy behavior, which makes you feel you just don't have the breathing space you need, especially given your bus... (read in full...)
I want my married lover to take off his wedding ring when he's out with me
Q. ok yall i have been dating this man for a least a years and some months! however our relationship is getting deeper and deeper everyday! when the two some us started dating we both agree to no feeling no attachment ! now that time change words have ...
A. 28 October 2010: Neither am I going to call you names.
What I AM going to tell you, however, is this: You have absolutely NO business asking him to take his wedding ring off when with you, LET ALONE going out on "dates" with him.
Didn't you realize that agr... (read in full...)
Why does he keep asking "what are you thinking"?
Q. Recently me and a guy friend met up for drinks and i ended up staying over at his place. He has a girlfriend and nothing happened between us that night. The thing i find a bit odd is when we got to his we were a bit worse for wear me more so than ...
A. 27 October 2010: Indeed he should not. You'd be well advised to cut way back on your get-togethers with this guy friend - and ESPECIALLY not to go and spend the night at his place. That's just asking for trouble.
Use some good judgment.... (read in full...)
I tried to get her interested in me, never planning on following through, and now I've got a problem!
Q. I've got myself into an awkward position. I am married 12 years with two children, very happy and wouldn't change that for the world. I love my wife dearly. However, there was a similarly aged lady at work who I thought was quite attractive, she ...
A. 27 October 2010: Tell her that while you think (because you do) she's a very nice, attractive woman, You have come to the realization that it was very wrong to get involved with her, considering she is married, and you are too, and you value your marriage just as ... (read in full...)
I don't feel comfortable at my boyfriend spending the night with her ALONE!
Q. My boyfriend has a female friend, who he was in love with before he met me. Nothing ever happened between them, except that eventually he told her how he felt and they talked it over. Now his feelings for her are platonic and he's been with me for ...
A. 26 October 2010: Well, you certainly cannot forbid him to go visit her and spend the night alone with her, can you?
As the other poster says, let him know how you feel about what he's proposing to do, and see how he responds.......by the way, if she has a boyfrien... (read in full...)
Will our relationship last?
Q. hi! am 23 years old, dating a 45 year old. he is married having three kids, his relationship with his wife is complicated. the wife left him with kids and went back to her home. the man is struggling so hard to raise the kids. will our ...
A. 26 October 2010: Two red flags:
First: this man is a LOT older than you. And, would you REALLY want to take on the job of helping him raise his three children?
Second: Until and unless he and his wife divorce, and the divorce becomes final, you should not b... (read in full...)
Should I wait to see if he'll leave his girlfriend
Q. I know this 30 year old guy for a few years he used to come in my shop. Had not seen him for a few months when he started coming in my shop again. after a few times coming in my shop, I told him I had divorced from my husband. The next thing he did ...
A. 26 October 2010: So this "swee guy" has 3 children with 3 different Mothers, huh? My, my, WHAT a catch!!! WHAT an absolutely sterling character he has!!
If you let him you'll be Mum No. 4. Hasn't got the decency to keep his pants zipped or to use condoms ... (read in full...)
I broke up with my boyfriend yesterday but I want him back, how long should I wait to call him?
Q. I just broke up with my bf yesterday. he's 32. im 20. We've known each other for 8 months. I broke up with him because I couldn't trust him anymore. after breaking up he called me but I didn't answer so he sent this to me: "I am very sorry that ...
A. 25 October 2010: Now wait just a minute!
YOU broke up with him yesterday because you said he isn't trusworthy, and now you want him back?!
You simply can not go messing around like this! One moment you want him out of your life; the very next minute you want ... (read in full...)
I'm scared to death of his penis!
Q. i've been with my boyfriend for a little while now, and everything seems so perfect, he's rubbed me a bit down there, and so have i, but i could never rub him bare! i am scared of his penis for some reason and its so hard, he asked if i wanted to ...
A. 24 October 2010: You are much too young to be this intimate with this boy. The fact that his penis scares you shows you're just not ready - and at 13 or 14, you sure are NOT ready, either emotionally or physically.
Best thing you can do is to make sure you are ... (read in full...)
I've just discovered my boyfriend has female friends he texts
Q. Hi people as i live with my boyfriend for over a year, i just thought to use his fone to txt one of my friends then i relaised that he has girls as friends that he never told me abut and they been texting for awhile and im not sure whether to tell ...
A. 24 October 2010: This is Denise32 again. So you see, from what the other aunts have said, you may very well have nothing to worry about!... (read in full...)
What does it mean when a guys says "I like you"?
Q. Does a man say "I like you" to a woman without a romantic mean ? We are always told that guys are simple and they usually mean what they say. As a woman, I would not say "I like you" to a friend, not even after a fight or something. So, I would as...
A. 24 October 2010: Maybe so. However, if he's happy in his relationship, there may not be much prospect of anything more developing between the two of you.
If you think you can handle being no more than platonic friends and not be hoping for more, then yes, it ... (read in full...)
I don't think he feels the same about me any more
Q. Hi guys i been with my bf for 1 year and half and we both sharing a flat. lately i relaised that we argue over everything e.g wat to eat, going out, wen i come back home late from uni etc. even the other day it was our anniversary and i dressed up ...
A. 24 October 2010: Is he also at university, or is he out at work? Do you know if anything is weighing on his mind or stressing him out?
Or are YOU stressed about your studies, then having stuff to take care of at home, chores, etc.? If so it can make both of ... (read in full...)
What does it mean when a guys says "I like you"?
Q. Does a man say "I like you" to a woman without a romantic mean ? We are always told that guys are simple and they usually mean what they say. As a woman, I would not say "I like you" to a friend, not even after a fight or something. So, I would as...
A. 24 October 2010: Why can't it simply be taken at face value as meaning he likes her? Why is there a need to read anything else into it?
Anyway, don't you think it rather depends on the context?
Was this someone you were out with and in a quiet moment he ... (read in full...)
I've just discovered my boyfriend has female friends he texts
Q. Hi people as i live with my boyfriend for over a year, i just thought to use his fone to txt one of my friends then i relaised that he has girls as friends that he never told me abut and they been texting for awhile and im not sure whether to tell ...
A. 24 October 2010: I think you should let him know you found texts from him to other girls and see how he responds. Its not as if you were deliberately snooping to see what you could discover, after all.
True, it would have been better if he had told you he was d... (read in full...)
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