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16 July 2011: The following was forwarded to me by a member of my church. It is adapated from a book: "Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work" I believe its worth passing on: "Dr. John gottman can predict with 96% accuracy within the first three minu...
A few things I've learned......
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 November 2010: Often we get posts from men and women who are wondering whether to ask their boyfriend or girlfriend "where do we stand"? Based on my own observations, and having been in situations such as this in the past, I have come to think its generally ...
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We have tried counselling, but I am still unsatisfied and now considering an affair. What should I do?
Q. I am married and unsatisfied. I'm not sure if i love my husband and I am contemplating having an affair. We have tried counseling...what should I do?...
A. 11 January 2011: You should NOT have an affair while still married. Tough potatoes, but the reality is that being unsatisfied is no excuse to cheat on your husband. Remember "for better or for worse"? Now you're in "worse."
So what do you do? Talk to the coun... (read in full...)
Is this infatuation of something more? I don't want to scare him off.
Q. There's this wonderful man that I met the night before he was leaving back to his country. We clicked, we talked for hours (until morning!), then we slept together. I thought it would be a one-night-stand. I don't usually go for one-night-stands ...
A. 10 January 2011: Well, it is exciting that he is coming to see you before he goes to China. When he gets back from China how likely is it that you will be able to meet again?
You did say you were both starting to write less often. Do either of you have computer... (read in full...)
Why is my boyfriend pulling away?
Q. Lately my boyfriend has acted... Strangely. Usually, we text everyday and talk all the time at school. He used to walk with me home, but he's ditched me the las few days... I may be over reacting, but I'm not quite sure... He no longer hangs out ...
A. 8 January 2011: Since you have asked him if he's okay, and he has told you he is, I'm afraid you just have to take him at his word. Continuing to ask him what's going on will not encourage him to open up - in fact, it may only irritate him and make him withdraw ... (read in full...)
I said the wrong thing now he's ignoring me!
Q. Said the wrong the thing and now he is ignoring me? I met this man 8 weeks ago. we were seeing one another 3 nights a week going good having fun enjoying one anothers company. Then suddenly I accused him of seeing someone and he assured me he wasn'...
A. 8 January 2011: Oh for goodness sake! If he doesn't want to go to the game, why are you pressuring him?!
And why, oh why, did you accuse him of seeing someone else? Do you have a good reason to think he might be, or are you just AFRAID he might? (if the latt... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to talk and text to my 1st love? I am married
Q. I am talking to my first love right now. He hours away. We talk for hours and text quite frequently...is this considered cheating in anyones eyes. I am married to a man who barely speaks to me and rarely touches me. This is filling a huge void ...
A. 8 January 2011: The fact is you are married. First and foremost, you need to deal with that reality. You perhaps should try flirting with your husband, as well as talking to him about the way you feel and see what he has to say. Perhaps HE is not happy with the ... (read in full...)
Why is my boyfriend pulling away?
Q. Lately my boyfriend has acted... Strangely. Usually, we text everyday and talk all the time at school. He used to walk with me home, but he's ditched me the las few days... I may be over reacting, but I'm not quite sure... He no longer hangs out ...
A. 8 January 2011: DON'T look "threw" (through) his phone. That would be snooping and not the right thing to do at all.
Why don't you try being a little cool yourself? Don't go over and sit with him at lunch but sit with other friends instead. Be friendly... (read in full...)
He has been my boyfriend for two months, and is now trying to get me pregnant!
Q. Okay so me and my boyfriend have been going out for 2 months now and he started talkinq bout having a baby with me. The thing is im 16 and he is 18. I told him i'm not ready to have a baby that's not in my life plan to be pregnant at 16. even ...
A. 8 January 2011: If you are not ready to have a baby at your age (and it is too young for you anyway)you need to make sure you are either using reliable birth control methods, OR you might find yourself pregnant anyway. Then what would you do? You'd have the ... (read in full...)
How can I prove that I am serious about this relationship?
Q. hi all, after a very rocky 15 years together and after all our promises to try and do the right thing by each other, after trial seperations and actually splitting up we do still love each other what do you suggest i can do to prove im serious as we ...
A. 6 January 2011: You say you've had a very rocky 15 years together, have split up; had "trial separations" and (presumably broken) promises to do better, yet you "desperately" want to get back together. Nor do you want marriage.
Given all this why on earth DO... (read in full...)
How can I prove that I am serious about this relationship?
Q. hi all, after a very rocky 15 years together and after all our promises to try and do the right thing by each other, after trial seperations and actually splitting up we do still love each other what do you suggest i can do to prove im serious as we ...
A. 6 January 2011: You say you've had a very rocky 15 years together, have split up; had "trial separations" and (presumably broken) promises to do better, yet you "desperately" want to get back together. Nor do you want marriage.
Given all this why on earth DO... (read in full...)
Ladies, how do I make it known that I want sex with this woman?
Q. At a dude ranch last summer I met a attractive woman. We had fun during the time at the dude ranch. At the ranch we did a lot of things together. Before leaving the ranch we even had sex. We had a good time in bed. Since going we have stayed in ...
A. 6 January 2011: I agree with Odds. You might also want to get her some really nice flowers.
One thought: she may well (probably is) looking forward to having you in her bed again, but how do you know she might not want something more?? If she does drop a h... (read in full...)
Tell me about a time you used humour to defuse an embarrassing situation
Q. I just wonder how many aunts and uncles on Dear Cupid have, at some time or another said something to another person - friend, family member, significant other - that you THOUGHT would please them, BUT went over like a lead balloon?! In other ...
A. 4 January 2011: Oh wow! Just as well she didn't hear you - but one of your other friends thought it funny (it was!)
Anyone else got a story? Don't be shy!... (read in full...)
He wanted to go further but we didn't and now things have cooled off
Q. I like this guy hes 17 and im 15 he kissed me the other day and wanted to go further but i didnt and we talked about tht but he was glad we didnt go further cuz we barley know each other. but ever since then things have seemed kind of off. I talked ...
A. 3 January 2011: Hey there! Slow down and take it easy! The holidays are only JUST coming to an end and everyone is busy then with family and friends.
You say you exchanged texts every day and then in the next breath you're staying you "barely text". I guess ov... (read in full...)
Help! He's sending me mixed signals...
Q. I am so confused , the guy i like is sending mixed signals.. like we kissed and i felt a spark and i know he felt it too because the kiss lasted forever and then he said he loved me but like he tells all his guy friends and anyone who asks he likes ...
A. 3 January 2011: I don't think you should place too much stock in his kissing you if he tells everyone how much he likes some other girl.
See if he starts to phone you and invite you out on dates (if he does, take things nice and slow......telling you he loves yo... (read in full...)
Why doesn't he respond? Is he flirting?
Q. this man that i see everyday flirts with me and touches me in friendly gesture. he said we needed to talk soon about me liking him. he watches me and sometimes walk back and fourth to his office when he knows im in the hallway and he make sure he ...
A. 2 January 2011: He may have been (sounds like it) flattered by your attention and the email you sent about how you think he's sexy and all, BUT it seems to me that to send that to someone you basically don't know (do you even know if he's married or in a ... (read in full...)
He just got a new girlfriend--how do I get him back?
Q. Hi everyone. my ex broke up with me 2 months ago after 2 years together i was devastated.So last night i was at a party in my friends boyfriends house and he was there.I saw him with a girl all night long and they were talking and laughing.At about ...
A. 2 January 2011: I'm very sorry, and I know you feel hurt, but unfortunately, he IS your ex bf. You're both still very young and were fortunate to be together two years. A lot of friendships don't last that long in the young teen years.
Now he has another ... (read in full...)
Will she think I'm only rekindling the relationship because I'm ill?
Q. To make a long story short, years ago I had an affair with a woman I fell passionately in love with, and it lasted over 5 years. My wife found out about the affair, and of course the usual problems were a part of this situation, however I did no...
A. 2 January 2011: I think if you want to take up with the lady once more, you should. Does your health allow you to go out on dates with her, or are your activities quite restricted?
Just let her know you like her and want to see more of her. Hopefully, she'll f... (read in full...)
It's like he wants to be close, and then he doesn't!
Q. I am so lost. I have been dating this guy for about two months, and everything was going great at first up until about two weeks ago-right around Christmas, and now New Year's it's over before it even began. We were never exclusive yet, and last ...
A. 2 January 2011: Well, it does sound as if he's very confused, doesn't it?
You have only been dating a couple of months, so are still getting to know one another and discovering whether or not you're really compatible.
I would scale back and just be friends ... (read in full...)
How do I react when I run into him again! I've been into him for 2 years now!
Q. So I started talking to this guy 2 years ago, on msn, through a friend. Then a month later we just stopped because he got into trouble with my bf.He had a gf but didn't count it as a closed relationship. Then, a year later when I was single, he was ...
A. 1 January 2011: Just be very casual when you run into next time. Say "hi" and then keep on going. Don't engage him in any more than that.
You see, there is so much messing around and uncertainty on his part. Do you really want/need all that?
I'd try to fo... (read in full...)
Is it a good idea to have break up sex?
Q. My girlfriend broke up with me three weeks ago, at the beginning of December. We had been dating for 14 months. I fully understood her decision to break up with me, as I had struggled to get over a previous ex, which caused my girlfriend to fall out ...
A. 1 January 2011: It really would be a very bad idea to have sex with her.
She is seeing another, and you have met someone you're starting to be interested in.
If you want to try to work things out with your ex, you need to meet and talk and see if you can resol... (read in full...)
First time he hasn't been in touch! Is it because of his son?
Q. I have been seeing this guy for the past few weeks. He is separated and shares a son with his ex part-time. Unfortunatly over the holidays he did not get to see his son and was pretty upset (understandably). During this time he was texting me a few ...
A. 31 December 2010: I completely agree with Birdynumnums.
Christmas and New Year IS a busy family time. Your friend needs to be able to enjoy the few days he has with his son.
PLEASE accept that, as he has told you, his son is his first priority. That is how it ... (read in full...)
Fight or flight - is it even worth it
Q. So I've been dating this guy for four months, passionate, loving, attentive and productive relationship. The problem, I was the "other women" - wait, let me explain. He isnt married to her, never has been, they have a baby together, a son (now 7 ...
A. 31 December 2010: Should you quit while you're still ahead? Yes, you most certainly should.
He may "love" you - at any rate he likes you and has feelings for you, but he's pretty definitely committed to making a go of it with the mother of his baby, even if only ... (read in full...)
The longer we are apart the harder it will be to get back together!
Q. My girlfriend and I split up after almost 2 years. We've split up before, but this time seems different. Basically, I left her alone for almost 3 weeks the first time before I tried again, and left for a week this time. But she has abandonment ...
A. 30 December 2010: I am really sorry to hear about your dilemma.
Its unfortunate that she started seeing someone else right after your most recent breakup. It certainly is unreasonable of her to want to see others, yet be upset if you do. What's sauce for the goos... (read in full...)
Do You Think It Was Okay For Him To Call Me Fat?
Q. So, I have this friend, or i thought he was my friend, and he's athletic, and he thinks he's perfect. We were talking and joking around like we always do, and then out of nowhere he goes all serious on me and tells me (in his exact words) "You know ...
A. 29 December 2010: Okay for him to say that? NO, absolutely not! He was rude, thoughtless, and when you pointed out to him that his comment was hurtful, he showed his true character by saying he didn't care!
If your doctor told you you're not overweight, and in f... (read in full...)
Did I lose a good guy by vacillating? And can I trust the other guy?
Q. Been dating again - Guy one: European guy Was perfect until we fell out with each other over a derogatory word. Guy two: US guy 2 wants to fly me into Florida and has bought me a flight - now am battling what to do. Been getting to know guy two ...
A. 29 December 2010: DO NOT, repeat, do not, get involved with the second man!
That he wants to move in and live with you when he and you really don't know one another (have you actually met, and if so how often?) is a bad sign. As is his flirting with your female f... (read in full...)
I'm in love with my boss and I know its wrong
Q. good day everyone im in love with my boss i spent more time with him than my bf we do stay together but im more by my mom than by him i dn't know what to do plz help im madly in love with my boss and he with me i know its not right what im do...
A. 29 December 2010: It would only be wrong if your boss is married, or in a committed relationship with someone. Is he?
Otherwise, it could make for awkardness at work and with your colleagues, especially if it doesn't work out........
If your boss is married,... (read in full...)
Should we go back to a committed relationship?
Q. I'm now in an open long-distance relationship with this guy. We used to be in a close distance committed relationship for 7 months but after he moved to Asia for a new job, he admitted that he felt too hard to stay committed as he felt like a kid in ...
A. 29 December 2010: I really don't think you should try to get back into a committed relationship with him at this time. Look: when he went to Asia didn't he tell you he couldn't be committed to you because it was too difficult with all those attractive women... (read in full...)
Does he truly love me or just like me?
Q. i'm 17 yr old girl and i'm in love with a guy truly and deeply from 2 yrs ago. We were friends for 1 yr ago. Altogether i've know him from 3 yrs ago. i want this relationship to develop into marriage. The only problem betwen us is that he doesn't ...
A. 27 December 2010: If you are both long-distance, that makes it more difficult to have a relationship.
Let me ask you: how do you communicate? Do you talk on the phone, send emails, texts, use Skype? If so, how often?
You could encourage him by saying you'd ... (read in full...)
I'm not sure if my married male friend still fancies me?
Q. I'm not sure what to do about my male friend.He used to fancy me, even though he is married, but i'm not sure if he still does. I saw him yesterday, but we hadn't seen each other for three months before that, and he got back intouch with me last ...
A. 24 December 2010: Look: you phoned him three times and got no response. Whether he's upset with you or not, is of no consequence. He's married. You're wasting time and too much energy on this one while you would do better to spend a little effort in finding a ... (read in full...)
Flriting online but I can't be sure of his intentions, how do I proceed?
Q. Right so, I feel I'm getting too old for things like this now but I'm curious. do you guys think this boy likes me? Normally I'd just think he did but I've been hurt too many times to take the risk. we met at a university event, he added me on faceb...
A. 24 December 2010: Right offhand, I'd say he probably does like you - otherwise why would he talk to you on facebook as often as he does? Oh yes, and flirt?
I don't see anything wrong with letting him know you'd like to have a phone conversation with him. Just say... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to know her past in details so that I can forget them?
Q. I'm a 28 years old man and my wife is of the same age. Well, she is from a different country and we met each other when i had been to her country for some work. Well it wasnt love at first sight but we eventually fell for each other. At that time i ...
A. 24 December 2010: What ever do you want to hear all the gory details of your wife's past for? What good will it do you? Or her, for that matter?
You say she already told you everything shortly after you got married, but doesn't want to discuss them now. Can't sa... (read in full...)
I'm not sure if my married male friend still fancies me?
Q. I'm not sure what to do about my male friend.He used to fancy me, even though he is married, but i'm not sure if he still does. I saw him yesterday, but we hadn't seen each other for three months before that, and he got back intouch with me last ...
A. 24 December 2010: Your male married friend USED to fancy you? Your relative has had a go at him for fancying you? Good for him!!
You haven't done anything wrong Not much you haven't!
Sorry to be so blunt, but this man is MARRIED. He goes out with you whi... (read in full...)
Should I tell my husband I still don't think this will work and try and figure things out with my friend?
Q. I could ramble on about a introduction about my life, just like everyone's life... there is always drama. You cannot prevent it. Unless you just are immaculately great at keeping out of trouble. Here is a half India half English girl by blood. 2...
A. 23 December 2010: You may have married your husband without really knowing clearly just what you were getting into, while still friendly with this other man.......
However, that may be, you have now to make a choice: think about your life with your husband.... (read in full...)
Complicated relationship
Q. I have (in my opinion) a very complicated situation. I really like this girl who lives in a completely different continent than I do. I met her in my old school, and shes nearly a year older than me. We didn't talk much to eachother since we were in ...
A. 23 December 2010: The sad truth is that if she doesn't want to communicate with you, there's nothing you can do about it. Disappointing, yes.
She most likely is ignoring you because while she is only a year older, both of you - even if you're only 14 - are stil... (read in full...)
In love with my friend so she said we can't speak to each other any more
Q. Okay, so I'm pretty sure many people have been in this situation at some point. I've been in love with my best friend for the past 4 years. I'm an 18 year old guy and she is literally the girl equivalent to me. Our humour, our everything is ...
A. 22 December 2010: I can only say a loud "A-MEN"!! to what Dirtball has told you.
His advice is top notch.......good luck!... (read in full...)
He has a wife and a baby that I never knew about, and now he wants us to start trying for a child!
Q. Hi, I was in a relationship two years ago of which one day i received a call from a lady posing to be my boyfriend wife, i was shocked but when i confronted my boyfriend he said it was all a lie then a 8months ago i received a sms from my boyfrien...
A. 21 December 2010: You have good reason not to trust him. He is MARRIED and is completely out of order in even thinking about "making a baby" - or having sex, with ANYONE other than his wife.
He lied to you when a woman who says she is his wife (and she probably... (read in full...)
He's married, but I want him back. What should I do?
Q. i had been in affair with married man for 7 months. i knew having sex with married man is no good. but he was a good looking 47 years man and he has a nice body. first, he drove me home after work and he was saying he had cheated his wife befo...
A. 20 December 2010: If you're lucky, you'll never hear from him ever again.
He's despicable and you allowed him to take advantage of you. Whether the sex was "great" or not, is of no significance whatsoever. None. The fact is, he cheated (betrayed) his wife and... (read in full...)
She is married but said she wants to marry me and have children with me, but now she has told me she needs some time! Why the change of mind so suddenly?
Q. Hi everyone, please help me clear out my thought. I'm apologize for it kind of long. here is my situation. 7 years ago, me and this girl were really good friend, always hangout together and shared all our up and down with each other. we both have ...
A. 20 December 2010: You're missing one (not so) minor little detail. She's MARRIED.
She tells you she's TRYING to get a divorce. Well, guess what? "trying" doesn't count, not until the divorce papers have gone through and it is final.
The other reason I can thi... (read in full...)
Does he just like the chase?
Q. I've been talking to this guy online for a while now. He claims he is interested and he cares about me, but lately he has been busy. So, we haven't had the opportunity to talk much. We usually send each other messages on facebook but lately he hasnt ...
A. 20 December 2010: Well, let's see now:
He was in touch with you I guess fairly frequently to begin with, online. Then got busy and claimed he didn't have time to respond - even while on Facebook. So you asked him about it, he apologized and said he is still in... (read in full...)
He's out of my league!
Q. So I started talking to this guy a few months ago. I never thought he could like me because i just feel he's out of my league, but he's shy and he's hot but doesn't know it if you know what i mean. Our conversations have included: -Aski...
A. 19 December 2010: It strikes me this man is being pretty slippery (elusive) when you told him how you felt about him, and noncommittal in subsequent conversations.
He might be shy, BUT if he really wanted to get to know you better, don't you think he would have ask... (read in full...)
He started something with me on Facebook and didn't finish it?
Q. Hi - I am a married woman but our marriage is struggling. I had a situation over the summer whereby I was speaking frequently with another married man on facebook. I vaguely knew him from the school where our kids go to. I had seen him staring at me ...
A. 19 December 2010: First, I doubt very much if he'll feel any pain because you unfriended him on Facebook. So don't worry about it.
Second, have you considered that he suddenly realized that you being married and him being married as well, he thought it a very bad... (read in full...)
I want to get past him stripping for women online and for cheating on me 4 times,
Q. okay so i was with my boyfriend for 2 years, since january 2009, although in july we had a bit of a fallout for about 2 weeks. we got back together unofficially, although i was telling my friends, and then i found out about 2 weeks ago, that since ...
A. 19 December 2010: Oh lawd. He's cheated on you and shown not a scrap of respect or consideration for you all over the place and you're telling us you feel as if you could die without him, still in love with him and only want to be with him.
Now, PLEASE, with all... (read in full...)
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