A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Here is the thing. I met a girl who was interested in me before. She broke up with an a**hole who treats her like ****, but got her pregnant. Everything was great at first; I told her how I felt about her, she said she was in love with me too. I even told her I wanted to help raise her child as if it were my own by adoption, ect... Well, two weeks after that, she tells me she woke up and realized everything hit her at once and now she's not ready to be in a relationship and wants to take on the responsability herself to prove she can do it. This all changed from where she wanted me to where she is not interested anymore. I promised her I wouldn't leave her or hurt her, but her actions are showing more than pregnancy hormones. She won't call me or text me at all like she did a couple weeks ago and says she is busy. We work together also. She wouldn't even come up to talk to me. I don't want to lose her, but don't want to be with her if she is showing she doesn't want to be with me. What should I do? I mean she says she loves me to death and we can still be together, but she isn't showing it anymore. People at work and her friends think this isn't the case, but I am thinking she is taking the cowards way out and wanting to break up with me without actually saying it, but I don't know. People at work are asking me about her and the baby and I don't know what to really say! I told her this and said if she wanted me that she needs to trust me, but if not, then she needs to let me go bc I don't want to waste her time. All she said was ok. What do I do? Maybe women just want to be with men who beat the sh*t out of them, use them, verbally abuse them, and treats them like sh*t. WTF do I do?
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female
reader, crummyscreenname  +, writes (2 February 2011):
You sound like a good man. She's probably upset and confused. Give her space. Back out of the relationship. Be her friend- she probalby neds that more than anything. Thank you for reaffirming that there are good men out there.
A
male
reader, jacktheripperr +, writes (2 February 2011):
no that's not the case. She just got out of an abusive relationship and next thing you she got pregnant by her ex. She is going through a lot right now. You should understand maybe she isn't ready for a relationship. I do admire you for willing to stick around to care for the new coming baby. Plus there will be a lot of mood swings she will be going through. Just give it time don't be persistent. Just txt her one last time saying if she needs anything your one call away. Wait for her to call/txt you. Woman know what they want. Your a good guy just don't be clingy.
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A
female
reader, golddigger99 +, writes (2 February 2011):
 I have a cousin who was in an abusive relationship, broke it off, and ended up back with him against her families wishes (he tried to kill her twice and didn't end up in prison because she wasn't willing to testify). Unfortunately, it's a cycle that is doomed to repeat itself.
All I can say is that if she isn't willing to be in a relationship now, then I wouldn't push her any further. Pregnancy should be a wonderful time in a woman's life, but it really sounds like she's under a lot of pressure. The last thing she needs right now is more stress.
Try supporting her as a friend, until you know what the real deal is, because she's the only one who can tell you what's going on.
Best of Luck!
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (2 February 2011):
 I am sorry to hear what you are going through and your desire to stand by her even to the extent of wishing to help raise the baby, is admirable.
Right now, she has an awful lot on her plate. She may not know quite how she wants to proceed and is trying to sort it all out for herself.
I do think, however, that if she told you she's not ready to be in a relationship, then you should believe her and take her at her word. That is not to say that you can't continue to be a good friend, and to offer whatever assistance and emotional support you can, particularly if she asks for it - and she might well do just that.
Good luck!
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