A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I began a long distance relationship about 7 months ago. We would text each other from the moment we woke up until we would call each other to say goodnight. Distance eventually got the best of us and we broke up. We hadn't spoke since. A mutual friend called to tell me how bad he was doing. Heavy drinking, hitting on every woman he sees, wrecking his car, ect. I felt fine at first, but I eventually broke down and texted him. I asked him how he was doing and we had a great conversation. His last text to me said, "I am going to go on to bed but it has been great catching up with you. I hope to talk to you again soon." Is that a good thing he said that or was he just saying it to maybe end the conversation on a good note? I would love to keep in touch with him but I don't want to be the only one trying to keep in touch. I'm not sure how to take the last text he sent me.
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broke up, long distance, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (29 May 2011):
 Yes, he may very well have been trying to be nice.
I do think, though, that considering you two are no longer dating, its better NOT to be in touch too often. I mean, you last texted on Monday. That's just a few days ago.
You need to move on with your life, and he needs to do the same.......it would be more realistic to expect to be in touch maybe once or twice a month, now, or on a special occasion (Christmas, Hanukkah, birthday, etc.) Otherwise it could seem as if you're "dating" while not actually in a dating relationship in reality......hope that makes sense.
Good luck.
A
male
reader, spinnaker +, writes (28 May 2011):
 Him being nice very well may have been the case. You could send him one more text and see whats going on - no harm in that just to clear your head. If no response - well, you probably would get the idea.
It is a shame that people still do the tired cold shoulder game with others. In any other circumstance besides dating that is emotional abuse.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo we have not talked since the first text on Monday. I felt that since I made the first text since the break up I didn't want to seem pushy or anything. Didn't want to force anything. And since he left the conversation with an open invite to talk again I figured I'd hear from him by now. I am guessing it was just him being nice.
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A
male
reader, spinnaker +, writes (28 May 2011):
did you reply back with anything since?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe had broken up once before during our relationship. He didn't care at all when we did but I had taken it pretty hard. Also, my friend was just telling me about it because she was friends with him and no longer wants anything to do with him. The text was four days ago and he hasn't tried to contact me and I haven't tried again either. But I had hoped the "hope to talk to you soon" part meant he wanted to at least try and be friends or keep contact.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2011): Was the mutual friend calling you for a real reason, or is it likely that your ex boyfriend put him up to it, to gauge your response and see if you were interested in resuming contact? It sounds like he has had a rough time getting over you.
Just from what you've written here, I see no reason why you shouldn't take his words at face value. It seems that he has missed you and probably wants you back in his life. If the distance was an obstacle in the past, then you have to stop and consider whether it's worth a second try. Maybe if things get serious, one of you can move closer to the other. Personally, I don't understand why people let distance get in the way of a relationship. If you two are right for each other, then make it happen, or at least give it a try.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (27 May 2011):
It's hard to really tell, you know.
No doubt he WAS glad to be able to get caught up; on the other hand you both know it wouldn't work out because of the distance. No point in getting involved all over again, or in getting your hopes up. While you care that's he is not doing well (and that's putting it mildly) it really is up to him to begin taking responsibility and getting his life back on track......
I would just leave it at that: on a good note. Perhaps you could send a nice card with a brief letter on his birthday or at Christmas, but I wouldn't do any more than that were I in your shoes.
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A
male
reader, spinnaker +, writes (27 May 2011):
Firstly his welfare is not your responsibility. Some poeple use the sympathy card to maintain control of others around them
Sure he may have taken your break up pretty hard but you are only responsible for what you can do.
I would take the text at face value.
Also if this guy falls into a self destructive state each time something bad or at least mildly inconvenient occurs in his life, that should speak volumes of the type of person he is and should speak volumes as to why you should avoid him.
These are just some things to think about based upon what I am reading from you rmessage.
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