A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hey. My question is more of a story and then a question, just so whoever reads this has some background information of how I've ended up in the situation which I'm in now. So hear we go.I am 17 and have been for a while trying to find some new people which I can date, and just be friends with around the city where I live. The websites I use to find new people are safe and are made for people in my age range. At the end of April 2011, I messaged someone who I didn't think I'd get a reply off, but I did. So, we began talking through texting each other, talking on MSN, and also on Facebook. During this time it became clear that we liked each other, and after two months of talking we decided that we'd meet up in the city where he lived which is about an hour's train ride from where I live - few miles away. I skipped school for the day and lied to my parents telling them my lessons were cancelled as I desperately wanted to meet this person who had been such a good friend for the past 2 months of my life. So at end June 2011, I travelled to his area to go and see him. The day went really well and we got on really well. After a great day I returned home to X, and spoke to him on the phone and later on MSN in the evening. Over the past 2 months, he had promised that we would get together in a relationship in September when he moved to X for university, and he reaffirmed this, on the evening of the 27th. Well met up again twice, on the 30th June, and on the 4th July. Both times went really well.Then on Tuesday the 5th July he decided to cut off all communications with me, so I was slightly confused on what was going on. The following day in the evening, he said to me that he wanted 'freedom' and 'nothing serious' and just a friendship. I was devastated. And stupidly I decided to start sending essays and messages on Facebook, text, and MSN about how much I wanted him back, and have what we had - which wasn't a relationship but was the lead up into one. After a week on silence, on the 11th July he decided to offend me on MSN by sending insults, and then delete me as a friend on Facebook, and MSN. I have no idea what suddenly changed between me getting the train at 7pm on the 4th, to him not wanting anything to do with me on the 11th. He even said on the 11th that he had a strong dislike towards me. But to add more to the story on the first day of meeting him, whilst I was in a shop with him in his city centre, I decided to take 3 photos of him without his knowledge as my best friend back in X wanted me to do this. On the the last time I met him, he found these, and said it was alright and finded it funny, and stayed with me like everything was alright until my train I get came in the early evening. He found these photos at in the afternoon. If he was offended why didn't he get up and leave at mid afternoon and allow me to get an earlier train? I start weird doing that, and I really regret doing it. But I can't change the past. On Wednesday, I posted a letter to him which I wrote which explained how sorry I am, and how I love him, plus I said about some of the stuff I said to him in the 2 months of speaking was a lie, and I wished that we could start again in a fresh start. I haven't heard anything yet, and don't think I will, although I am hopeful.I am going to wait a few weeks and then contact him properly on the website which we first met. My question is - What do you all think? Do you think I'll hear from him again? And should I try and contact him again?Some will say, just move on he doesn't want you. I don't want responses like that, but I would appreciate any advice which anyone could give to me. Thank you :)
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male
reader, aaringurl  +, writes (25 July 2011):
Naa... i don't think he really liked you. He was just tasting you're cup of tea, then he got bored, and just put you aside. Being mean and nasty is just his means to send you away. Don't take it seriously or whole-heartedly, just move on. Ask one more time, will you still love me etc. etc, and if he still says No, then go. Leave without saying a single word. Honey, there are a lot more gay guys out there who's more deserving for your love than him. So don't bring your hope down, it's not the end of the world.
A
female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (17 July 2011):
 First, let me say how sorry I am that you had a bad experience with this young man. Your communication of Facebook, text, and MSN went well, and so it was natural for you to hope it might develop into a good friendship.
Ah, but. The "but" is that there is a big difference in chatting by email, MSN, and even phone, when you haven't met in person. You can build your hopes - and then find it completely different when you meet face to face. It all seemed to go very well, and you had a good time.
Now, I know he told you he wanted a relationship when he started university close to where you live. Then suddenly said he didn't want a relationship, but just to be friends, nothing serious. What I cah say about this is that he must have begun to realize that once at uni, he would have lots of classes and studies, be meeting a whole lot of new people, probably going to at least some parties, and socializing - in other words, a different kind of life.
Disappointing for you? Absolutely.
And yes, it was a mistake on your part to let him know how devastated you felt, and saying how much you wanted him back. You overwhelmed him, you know. So after a week of silence on his part, unfortunately he evidently decided that he had to be insulting to get you to back off.
I am aware that you don't want any of us to tell you to move on, but seriously, how do you think you can "make" someone be in a relationship with you when they don't want to? You can't. You really have no choice but to accept his choice - grieve for a while, learn from it, and eventually move on.
I'm sorry, but there it is. That's life. We don't always get what we want - though we might get something even better later on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2011): Sorry to learn you're so devastated about this unfortunate incident. That being said, firstly how do you expect a to get an honest response when you emphasis that " Some will say, just move on he doesn't want you. I don't want responses like that, but I would appreciate any advice which anyone could give to me". The truth isn't always pretty and in this case its no exception. You express the first two months were good then he abruptly quit communicating. He's not worth your time if he cannot give you an explanation of what u suddenly did. It seems he just wasn't that into you, and that's normal. He may have done you a favor by breaking things off, because in your post you say you have to lie to your parents to skip school and go meet him. You may hear from him again, and if you do don't try and rush it. It may have made him uncomfortable when you become so emotional and attached. In closing its always good to have someone know where you're going and who you're going to see, just in case something should happen. In the meantime, take a break and allow the guy to chase u, if he's interested he will. Be safe and I hope u meet someone that can cater to your needs as u can theirs. Take care
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