A
female
age
30-35,
*delka
writes:I feel like I ruined my chances for the come back of my ex yesterday. He broke up with me 1 month ago after 3 years because I hurt him with expressing doubts about my feelings and lack of commitment. After the brake up I thought being honest about my feelings is the right thing to do. I expressed how much I love him in every way, I even drove 300 km just to talk to him for an hour (it's been a long distance relationship). The problem is that each time I start to talk about my feelings in an open way he gets distant. Bagging him to give me another chance helped nothing. It was so much better after I limited the contact for a few days. He started initiating contact and we even had some friendly and a bit flirty chats. Yesterday it was me who wrote first. We started to talk about holiday plans and he told he is considering a trip to Spain. I joked that I’m surprised as he never liked Spain. He answered in a rude way that it was my fault cause my ex was from Spain (he always blamed me about keeping contact with him). He also wrote “That kind of prejudices happen when a girl you love treats you like a sh*t for over 2 years”. I started to deny, I wrote him I know my mistakes but I wasn’t constantly a bad girlfriend and I know I can change. He answered he doesn’t believe I could change and he will never experience if I changed....All the evening I could think about nothing else than the fact he won’t ever come back. I called him to say I didn’t mean to force him and let just give ourselves time. He picked up being very distant and cold and said he can’t talk as he is entering the cinema auditorium. I started asking if he went to the cinema with his siter or with a friend - he just kept answering “no”. I asked if he is being on a date - he said “no” and finished the conversation. I know I shouldn’t ask, he probably got annoyed. Few minutes later he texted me “I don’t want to and don’t have to inform you who am I going out with but this time I will write you it’s not a date”.I don’t know how could I commit that many mistake one day =( It was because of the feeling of rejection again. For the last few days I was so happy he chases me a bit, I thought he misses me or even want to come back. When he wrote me again he won’t ever come back I found myself at the point I was 1 month ago. What should I do now? Please, help me.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (23 July 2011):
 Well, look: You broke up with him after dating for three years because of your doubts and feelings about lack of commitment.
If you had doubts, there was obviously good reason for them or you wouldn't have ended it, now would you?
If when you try to express your feelings and thoughts to him openly and honestly and he grows distant in response, that's a very bad sign. After all, he ought to know how he feels about you and what the prospects are for a long-term relationship, don't you think?
I know he initiated contact after you left him alone for a while. Even so, it doesn't sound as if he has much invested in you at all, sorry to say.
He has told you flat-out now that he is not going to resume things with you. At this point, it really is not going to make any difference what you say, do, or don't do.
It is over. Ended.
You have to accept that - you don't have to LIKE it, but you do have to face the fact that he is and will remain, your ex-boyfriend. Some friendships are not meant to last forever. That's just the way life is sometimes.
You have the choice and opportunity now to go on with your life and enjoy it. You may eventually, after a few months, meet someone else who will, in time, want to really commit to you and with whom you'll be more compatible.
In the meantime, think about YOU: What do you want to do with your life? When you can answer that, you'll be able to take steps to start bringing your goals about......
Good luck!
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