A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,Lately, I've been feeling unimportant. I mean, like i don't even matter, to him anymore. Like my fiance has no interest in me anymore! When we first started going out, he was all lovey dovey with me and now, I'm the one who always initiates us kissing, holding hands,etc! At first, it's like he wouldn't say or do anything at all that would offend me. And now, its like lately, for the past 2+ years, he will say something mean to me... and wont even think twice about it! I feel like we're roomates, and not lovers! Just last week, he came out of his own mouth, and told me he felt like I wasnt interested in him no more... that he felt like i was being distant! And thats not it! He's the one not showing me the attention he used to. And when he told me this, he said he was gonna start paying me more attention... but all he ever does, when he gets in from work, he comes straight to this computer. He works on his music, checks his facebook, email, LOOKS AT PORN EVERY SINGLE NIGHT (RIDICULOUSLY)! How am I supposed to feel? When he's on this computer, he rarely says anything to me. And with that said, i just go to bed early, and he has the nerve to wonder why I go to bed so early, and I say, "Im bored"! Do you think he gets off when I tell him that?! Nope! He doesnt!Should I be concerned?
View related questions:
facebook, fiance, kissing, porn Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, Mrs. Denise! i will follow your advice!
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (28 July 2011):
 It's fairly normal that after a while the heady, stars-in-your-eyes does die down and hopefully, infatuation gives way to a steady, mutually loving, considerate enjoyment and appreciation of one another, with both of you working to resolve the inevitable disagreements that come up in any relationship - and yes, there should be some romance still going on.
Maybe the two of you have settled down into a routine. What sorts of interests (hobbies, things you both like to do together? Do you belong to any book clubs, hiking groups, bowling, anything like that? Do you sometimes have an evening out with your friends - see a movie, have lunch, go shopping? Does he have time with his buddies once a week or so? It's important to still have lives of your own, as well as what you have in common. Otherwise, life can become a little "stale."
I think he must be feeling some dissatisfaction to say that he thinks you're not interested in him any more. So now there's anger and resentment between the two of you.
One suggestion I can offer is this: that you make an appointment, as it were, to sit down together and discuss what you both want from your relationship and what your hopes/dreams/expectations are for the future.
Whatever it is - money issues, sex, the date of your marriage, and whether or not to have children, your careers and work schedules, should be on the table.
As I said, treat it like an appointment. Let him know you want to have a talk and both agree when it's to take place (i.e., not "we have to talk NOW" when he and you are just home from your workday, but more along the lines of "I'd like us to talk about some things. Would tomorrow or the day after be a good time for you?"
Then when you do sit down, take it in turns to lay out what your concerns are. One of you goes first, and the other listens. It's important that you (neither of you) accuses or blames the other or goes charging into what you have to say like an angry bull. Displays of contempt, eye-rolling, mean-spirited comments are OUT.
No, courtesy and consideration should be your watchword. Try to see and hear what is being said from the point of view of the one saying it. If a comment is unclear then ask him to explain it. Tell him you don't quite understand what he just said.
I really do hope this helps!
...............................
|
