A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:If after a date the guy hasn't contacted you for five days, but you know it went really well and that they liked you. Would it be desperate for the girl to contact them?Because I went on a date with this guy, it went really well just everything about it made it go smoothly. I know he likes me because he made it clear by what he told me, the way he acted, looked at me, kissed me it was all signs of it. But he hasn't messaged me in five days and I'm not sure why, so I was thinking what's the harm in a short message. I don't want to come across eager or needy, because I like him and I don't think it should always be the guy who has to contact the girl. So I figured I can send him a message and if he doesn't reply, or doesn't sound that interested anymore, then at least I know where I stand and can move on right? What do you think? Does it seem needy or desperate... And also, why wouldn't he contact me after it going great and it being apparent that he likes me?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2012): You may have believed it went well but you dont know what he was really thinking. If he was interested he would have wasted no time. Dont waste your time on someone who's not interested. Let it go.
A
female
reader, bardia  +, writes (25 February 2012):
 Just adding my two cents. I wouldn't even waste the half a calorie it would burn to text this guy. As has already been wisely said, in most cases where the guy is seriously interested, HE will pursue you. If (as has also already been said-just reemphasizing it) after FIVE days and in this day of such wonderful modern technology he can't take even two minutes before he goes to bed to text you a "Hey, how's it going?" then he really isn't all that interested. I have someone who came out of the blue recently texting me good morning & goodnight & all sorts of sweet things daily & we've only gone out once. He's made it perfectly clear he's interested. I'm still a novice at this relationship thing, but it really does seem to be true that a guy truly interested will pursue YOU & move heaven & earth for you. Move on to someone new...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2012): Just to add, do you want a guy who will fight for you and sweep you off your feet because he really likes you, or do you want a guy who's lazy and just thinks you're cool and doesn't mind hanging out with you from time to time.
Guy A. will chase and show interest.
Guy B. will turn up when you ask him to because has nothing/no-one better to do.
The smart women let guys prove themselves before they get too involved. The girls I know who chase a lot are perpetual daters that 90% of the time spend months on a guy only to realize he's a lemon. The girls who test guys first get to weed out the losers early and spare themselves the heartache of falling in love with an ass.
It all depends on how you are as a woman. If you're the type that just wants to be dating regardless of the quality of guy and doesn't mind getting hurt then chase. If you're the kind that would rather quality over quantity then be a tester. No point in wasting time on a loser when you could be out there finding a good one.
Neither is wrong really, just whatever will being you the most happiness.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2012): After 5 days I don't think anyone can call you needy or desperate but it all depends on the tone of the message. "Is there something wrong with me, why haven't you called?" That's needy and desperate hehe. "Hey, how's your weekend going? :)" that's pretty nice, friendly casual message.
Don't mistake how he acted on one night as a sign he likes you. Surely you understand the concept of being caught up in the moment especially if there was even a small bit of alcohol involved. Surely you've been on nights out and all over guys only to wake up the next day and think "oh christ, what was I thinking?" Surely you've been on dates that were just really nice and the guy was lovely but afterwards you realized you didn't really like him.
It's been 5 days if he likes you he'll probably message you this weekend and frankly OP the fact he hasn't even sent you a text or made any effort at all to even say hello tells me that he may not be as interested as you think.
Play this casually. Send the above "how's your weekend going?" message and see if he responds.
I know you feel it shouldn't have to be the guy who does all the chasing and that's fine but there is reason behind this kind of thing OP. Most guys are very easy going and will take any girl if she makes it easy for us by doing all the work, even girls we don't really like. It's how girls get hurt the most often OP because they mistake how a guy acts on dates as being the sole source of proof of interest. How are you supposed to know he really likes you if you're the one doing all the work?
Contact him but don't set up any dates, don't ask him out, let him make that move. If he likes you as much as you think he will definitely do that. Seriously even the most shy of guys will ask you to meet up again soon. Just to be sure about this OP, if he says we should meet up again sometime ask him when. If he doesn't give you a concrete answer then I wouldn't hold your breath as it may well just be a platitude.
Frankly we have no idea what's been happening in his life the past five days but how hard is a "hey how are you?" message? If he really liked you that much then he would have been thinking about you and he would have wanted to contact you. He would have at least kept you sweet by sending a simple text message and if he was as interested in you as you sound in him he would have arranged a time and place for your next meeting too.
Don't let him get away with not contacting you, but show only a bit of interest, play it cool and let him prove to you that he does like you.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 February 2012):
 Maybe I'd wait a couple more days then I'd send him ONE short message. One message in a week does not make you look desperate or overeager, just interested ( as you actually are, after all ). So no harm in that, then the ball is in his court.
On the other hand, I must say that, in times when eveybody is always texting everybody and his sister for the most futile reasons, the fact that he has not dropped you even a Hi is a tad strange, so maybe the date went well but it meant more to you than to him. Like, he had a nice date with you, but not so eventful to particularly want to make another one soon. Also, keep in mind that he might be very well be shopping around and dating other girls as well ( and in case you had met him through a dating site, that's a certainty ).
So, contact him if you wish, you won't lose face, but... don't put your hopes too high up.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (25 February 2012):
 You might not be the only girl he's dating.
The "busy excuse" only gets you so far before it becomes overused. It takes a matter of seconds to send a text and a matter of minutes to have a phone conversation. Guys can make time, if they want to.
Personally, I prefer the guy to initiate the first text/call after the first date, it's usually in a 3 day window. 7 days with no contact, they're not as interested as you thought they are.
HOWEVER, if you want to initiate contact then go right ahead..but leave it at one text or call. Anything more and you WILL look desperate/eager/needy.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (25 February 2012):
 Why hasn't he contacted you five days after your date, you ask.
Could be any number of reasons: maybe he's just extremely busy with work or studies; maybe he's not been feeling well; maybe a member of his family was taken ill and he needed to be present for that person. Maybe he really did (and it does sound as if he did) enjoy the time you spent together, only now he wants a little time to think it over and decide whether he wants to see you again.......did he say anything about a second date before you parted company??
You could pick up the phone (I'm not in favor of texting!) to say hi, how are you, sort of thing and ask if he'd like to meet for lunch, or go bowling or whatever and see what he says.
If he's really interested, he'll be happy to hear from you -these days it's perfectly fine for a woman to invite a man she likes.
If you do arrange to go out again, see how it goes, and then just take it slowly and see if there is a third, fourth, date, etc. It takes time to get to know one another and of course dating is a way of trying out how compatible two people are or are not.......good luck!
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