| Latest articles: Are you in a controlling relationship?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
3 April 2009: i decided to write this article in view of the amount of people that I know/know of who are in unuqual relationships, that is in particular women who are in unequal relationships. Im not sating that it doesnt happen to men, of course, but often it ...
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How can I convince her to wait until I'm ready for marriage and children?
Q. Hi aunts and uncles. I'm looking for some impartial advice and my girlfriend uses this site a lot so thought I'd give it a try. We have been together for 5 years, I am 27 and she is 29, and recently she has been putting a lot of pressure on me t...
A. 24 December 2014: I think this is the same person asking the question that Peppe has mentioned. Anyway 5 years is long enough to know what he/she wants, it is time to set a timeframe (a shorter one than another 5 years) or else move on. ... (read in full...)
Would you be jealous of this cheat's wife if you were me?
Q. I'm writing to this site because i'm feeling pretty conflicted. I used to have a physical relationship with someone who was very wrong for me and it destroyed any self esteem i used to have. Most of the time i was miserable when it was going on. ...
A. 24 December 2014: All of these answers you have got are great but So Very Confused has said what I was thinking. You are the lucky one here, you didnt get to have a farce of a marriage with this loser. Surely you see that? And NO dont meet up with him for ANY ... (read in full...)
How can I get a new razor without having to ask my parents?
Q. Hey, this is a bit awkward! I'm in desperate need of some help. I'm a 15 year old guy, and I keep myself clean, grooming, etc. So, I shave. All places, and "down there" (if you catch my drift) is the problem. Well, not the shaving part, but the ra...
A. 24 December 2014: Ive read your updates, whatever you do please stop using the eold razor. It isnt hygienic at all. Like chigirl suggested, take a blade at your friends house if necessary. But give the scissors and comb combination a go first, where you comb the hair ... (read in full...)
How can I get a new razor without having to ask my parents?
Q. Hey, this is a bit awkward! I'm in desperate need of some help. I'm a 15 year old guy, and I keep myself clean, grooming, etc. So, I shave. All places, and "down there" (if you catch my drift) is the problem. Well, not the shaving part, but the ra...
A. 22 December 2014: Is there any supermarket near you? Here they sell razors in the supermarket, the cheap ones will cut you easier. You need to use shaving gel but if you have none then hair conditioner is an excellent alternative.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has had incest fantacies and it only complicates from there
Q. My boyfriend of 1 year has had a past form his teenage years where he writes and fantasizes on online portals, about sex with his mom. I was never aware of this and have recently came across this profile of his. He has used her real name there and I ...
A. 10 December 2014: Get out of there fast. He sounds abnormal and he doesnt respect you to be using your name and photos like that. Worse still he made up a pathetic excuse for doing it. Run.... (read in full...)
I don't want to pay for her martinis and lobster plate.
Q. I have a question on what to do in this situation., We go out once a month with my girlfriends. we usually split the check equally., We noticed long ago that one of the girls when we re out orders in exess. By that I mean: she orders always t...
A. 9 December 2014: It is time to try a simple strategy. When the bill comes, put what your meal has come to and announce "this should cover mine." this puts the onus on her and indeed anyone else, to challenge you otherwise. And.. If they do, all they have to do is ... (read in full...)
Advice please? Fiance's daughters treated me terribly while he was in jail when all I tried to do was help!
Q. I have been with my guy for 5 years. At first it was rather bumpy between he and I but as far as his grown daughters (ages 28, 29 and 30 married with multiple children of their own and all three have previous as well as children with their ...
A. 7 December 2014: Yes, previous poster has got it right. Block the 4 of them, and I hope your boyfriend realises what a gem he has for a girlfriend. Not many women would have stuck by him. Best wishes to you... (read in full...)
Is he an alcoholic, or just a heavy drinker? What steps should I take?
Q. I'm trying to convince my boyfriend of three years to seek help for his drinking issues, but he refuses to accept he has a problem and his family aren't helping when they tell me to back off. His father is a heavy drinker, he always has been ...
A. 7 December 2014: I suggest moving out until things get better. You will be paying his bills and basically financing him sooner or later if you arent doing it already. Unfortunately heavy drinking and acceptance of it does run in families, I know a few people who ... (read in full...)
Time to open the marriage?
Q. Here's our situation: not having sex. I am about 50 lbs overweight. I have been working on losing it but it's going very slowly (I have lost 20 so far). My husband has told me I'm unattractive--yet he still wants sex with me and says he still ...
A. 7 December 2014: I think you should tell him that he has a free pass to find someone else to abuse and to treat like trash. He is abusing you whether you see it or not. Putting down your wife, telling her she is unattractive, criticising her and her interests and ... (read in full...)
He's missed his chance, but I'd like to let him down gently, how do I word it?
Q. theres a guy i went on a date with hes very shy and so am i, he said he is thinking about us starting a relationship but hes taking too long (2 month) and ive now met someone else who knows what he wants how do i break it to the other guy hes ...
A. 7 December 2014: I will say nothing at all unless/until he actually comes out and asks you to be his girlfriend. I say this because he has not been straightforward with you, if he wanted to be open with you then he would have done that instead of letting you hang ... (read in full...)
How can I make this a success?
Q. Quick story short: I moved to another country in northern Europe to study and live with my boyfriend. It's been a rough start and hard adjusting and settling in. I am in a program with few other students who are also foreigners (or at least ...
A. 28 November 2014: Make things as simple and stress free as possible. Have everything in well in advance, and keep it simple (food drinks etc). The less you have to worry about the less you will tend to worry and of course this means less things can go wrong. Stick ... (read in full...)
His ex deliberately messed with our vacation plans
Q. Right now my partners ex girlfriend is causing a massive family row that for whatever reason she is blaming completely on me, and I don't know how to respond or what to do and I hope someone can offer some advice. So next summer we are planning ...
A. 26 November 2014: Why doesnt she pay the extra £300 since she wants to change the dates? It seems pretty fair that way, to me...... (read in full...)
I feel like I'm in limbo since he doesn't think I'm ready for marriage
Q. Boyfriend wants to get married in the future. But he's a big believer in being happy in yourself. He thinks that I believe that getting married will make me happy. But he says that getting married won't change anything and that I have to be happy ...
A. 26 November 2014: As usual I agree with chigirls answer. It sounds to me, like he is making excuses for not going ahead and getting married. I think the problem lies in himself, not how "happy or unhappy" you are. ... (read in full...)
Still trying at 38! Never been in a relationship
Q. I am a 38 year old British male, I was wondering if anybody has any advice that works, I have never been in a relationship with a woman in my entire life. I have tried 12 different dating sites wasting thousands of pounds, I have been to speed ...
A. 24 November 2014: Relationships are for everyone regardless of height and looks/perceived looks. Would improving your confidence help? There is someone out there for everyone. Take care ... (read in full...)
Still trying at 38! Never been in a relationship
Q. I am a 38 year old British male, I was wondering if anybody has any advice that works, I have never been in a relationship with a woman in my entire life. I have tried 12 different dating sites wasting thousands of pounds, I have been to speed ...
A. 24 November 2014: I am sorry that you are in this predicament. I am 25 and have similar difficulties and despite reading relationship advice often, my situation doesnt change. I seem to meet the wrong people and I have done various self inprovement techniques in an ... (read in full...)
Cheated on and now stalked
Q. I broke up with my on/off bf of 5 yrs in mid sept. He was acting weird so I let him go. I found out in Oct he cheated on my with at least 2 girls this summer. We still were hanging out and he wanted to get back together but after finding this out ...
A. 20 November 2014: Thanks for keeping us updated, yes eyes wide open is right: the more people who know about it, the more people who will see him if he ever comes near you. Just remember that you have done nothing to incur this on you, he clearly is controlling and ... (read in full...)
I can't get over wasting my younger years!
Q. I seem to have given up hope on life for a while now, as in goals. Ambition and actually thinking I have a future. But I don't want to feel like this any more. I know little changes can make a difference ie going the gym, eating healthy a...
A. 12 November 2014: Hi, I have read this with interest as I have these thoughts a lot and I seem to be getting them more and more in the past year or 2. I am not much younger than you, my situation is slightly different. I have had depression for a few years now, ... (read in full...)
Who do I leave my money to?
Q. I'm going to make a will.I'm quite comfortable financially, with a property paid for and money in the bank.I'm only 55, but you never know... Thing is, my only son (from a divorce) is 27 and has basically never worked. He occasionally works as a DJ ...
A. 12 November 2014: You can always leave some to a charity, there are so many good causes out there. The people or animals who benefit from it would certainly be grateful. And it is amazing to be able to help lives/abused animals from beyond the grave. Please consider ... (read in full...)
Marriage isn't turning out like the fairytale and I'm so unhappy and unsure what to do!
Q. Looking for some advice.... I got married in May to my partner who I have been with for the past 5 years. Before we got married we did have some issues due to my insecurities and also what I feel to be a lack of care on his side. The las...
A. 9 November 2014: I would talk to him, then ask him if he would be willing to go to marriage counselling. Relate are free in the UK and you can google them for more details. Definitely give this another try before you throw in the towel, try communicating exactly how ... (read in full...)
Why did he rent a room instead of taking me to his place?
Q. turkish men i was in turkey in july this year and met a really nice gye who told me i was beutiful and asked me what i was doing tommorw the next day after he met me in his shop i said nothing so he asked could i come meet him for lunch i sai...
A. 9 November 2014: He is married and his family dont mind because they hope he can get a visa from you. ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend was holding ex and kissing her on the face. Did he cheat?
Q. I have been with my bf for about a month. He is my coworker and he left his live in gf of over a year to be with me. I found out that he talks with her either by text or call everyday still. And he still see's her once or twice a week. Works on her ...
A. 8 November 2014: Just dump him.... (read in full...)
Should I send my husband money? I think his family takes advantage of us!
Q. 3 years ago My husband sent alot of money to his family in a muslim country. His family said they were investing this money into a company where it would make profit. Some of this money was also mine. Now a month ago he has gone to see his famil...
A. 8 November 2014: Dont send it. Why should you go without, yet again? He says he feels shame to ask, well that is tough because he needs to ask. And sorry to say but I think they are taking advantage of you, people living in poor countries tend to think that there is ... (read in full...)
Am I overreacting? Should I only expect him to share his plans with me after we move in?
Q. I have been going out with my boyfriend for 5.5 years, and he recently asked me to move in with him. The problem is, often I don't have a clue where he is and I don't know if that will continue if I live with him. For example, I might try to cal...
A. 7 November 2014: I couldnt agree more with chigirl. He keeps it this way because thats how he wants the relationship to stay.. And you know something? That is how it will always be with him. Men like that will never change, they see this as normal and they want ... (read in full...)
Does he truly love me or am I being taken for a mug?
Q. I have been with my partner for two years he moved into my place about 2 months of us being together, I told him it wasn't a good idea because it was too soon. He pretty much begged me and told me that everything would be perfect such as sharing ...
A. 7 November 2014: Some people do not respect others feelings and they will say whatever it takes to get them the desired outcome for them. You did nothing wrong, you realised that this was not good enough, and that you deserve better. Best wishes x... (read in full...)
Are these red flags? I'm nervous because of my past abusive relationship
Q. Hello! I was previously in an abusive relationship, that ended around 4 years ago. I am now in a new relationship, and we've been together for 3 months. Because of my past abusive relationship I am now very cautious of "red flags", and I find some ...
A. 7 November 2014: I have read your update, it is definitely time to get him out of your life. I doubt he learned anything by reading our responses, people like him rarely change. You deserve better! You can do better!... (read in full...)
Cheated on and now stalked
Q. I broke up with my on/off bf of 5 yrs in mid sept. He was acting weird so I let him go. I found out in Oct he cheated on my with at least 2 girls this summer. We still were hanging out and he wanted to get back together but after finding this out ...
A. 7 November 2014: I have read your question and your update, he sounds really unstable and also dangerous. Do go to court, tell them everything and keep a written log of every single thing so that you can hand that to the judge as evidence. No one wants to go through ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants me to take a polygraph?!
Q. Okay so I've been seeing this guy for 10 months, before him I went through a really rough yime after I went through a bad break up with my long term bf, where he cheated. After I did not deal with it well I had dated people and had ended sleeping...
A. 6 November 2014: It doesnt matter what you did in the past. He has no right to ask you this. Everyone had made mistakes of some kind at some point, but it is a persons own business. Whatever happened, happened before he ever came on the scene and he knows this. ... (read in full...)
I've got the hots for my flatmates who might be gay too
Q. I'm m a 20 year old male currently sharing a house with two other guys. we're all in college. So I am gay but the guys don't know about this as I have only ever told a few people. One the guys is HOT and the other is also quite attractive, I often ...
A. 5 November 2014: Just because they are gay/bisexual and fancy each other, doesnt mean they necessarily want a third party. I dont mean this in an offensive way. They might be embarrassed, one or both might have a girlfriend or they might want to keep this a secret ... (read in full...)
Should I support my husband in reviving a friendship with his ex?
Q. Married a year and this is both our second marriages. I don't have a relationship with my ex other than child related conversations over the phone. My husbands ex is one of his oldest friends. During our courtship she was rude,intrusive and very ...
A. 5 November 2014: I'd say let sleeping dogs lie. If your husband could do with making new friends, why not suggest he join a class or take up a hobby? Or ecen you could both do it together? It would be good for your relationship and you could have new experiences ... (read in full...)
I didn't tell my b/f about my past and he found out from someone else. Now he wants me out of his life!
Q. I wanted to tell my new boyfriend about my past but did not know if i should tell him or that he would not want to know about my past or when was the best time to tell him and had thought about telling him as i know a guy that works for him that ...
A. 4 November 2014: Even if you did date a married guy in the past, that is where it is: in the past. This man is way too judgemental and it says a lot about his so called morality, that he blindy believes some rumours without as much as asking you about it.
My ad... (read in full...)
Are these red flags? I'm nervous because of my past abusive relationship
Q. Hello! I was previously in an abusive relationship, that ended around 4 years ago. I am now in a new relationship, and we've been together for 3 months. Because of my past abusive relationship I am now very cautious of "red flags", and I find some ...
A. 4 November 2014: Good God, your ex sounds just like one of mine! Cruel and nasty. Anyhow, I will say that this guys responses are well out of order, and overboard. Starting over is not easy but you would be well advised to get rid, I can see this turning nastier in ... (read in full...)
Are these red flags? I'm nervous because of my past abusive relationship
Q. Hello! I was previously in an abusive relationship, that ended around 4 years ago. I am now in a new relationship, and we've been together for 3 months. Because of my past abusive relationship I am now very cautious of "red flags", and I find some ...
A. 3 November 2014: He sounds impatient and bad tempered to be honest ... (read in full...)
He wants to live with us and I don't want him to think it's a free ride
Q. Hello Aunts and Uncles. I guess I need some advice from strangers purely because everyone who knows me or my boyfriend seem to be giving their opinion based on how things were between us before. We have a four year old son, and he wasn't plan...
A. 2 November 2014: I wrote a lengthy response to your question but for some reason it was not added, dont know why. Anyhow to summarise what I wrote, he needs to grow up and you deserve better. It is not on for him to be discarding his dirty at yours and to expect to ... (read in full...)
He's broke. I'd like us to live together. But financially I'd have to carry him. Is living with him going to end in tears?
Q. I'm 35 and my boyfriend 33. We've been together 3 years but don't live together. He lives with his parents. I want us to live together but the problem is that he's broke and just finally got a steady job 3 months ago where he makes 3 times less than...
A. 2 November 2014: Please read HoneyPies advice as many times as necessary, this huge money issue is not about love. It is about practicalities and about your future... (read in full...)
Does he truly love me or am I being taken for a mug?
Q. I have been with my partner for two years he moved into my place about 2 months of us being together, I told him it wasn't a good idea because it was too soon. He pretty much begged me and told me that everything would be perfect such as sharing ...
A. 1 November 2014: He wants to move back in because he had a free ride last time, he had a loving partner (despite hid whining about you not giving 100% attention) and he had everything done for him. He is immature and needy, and why is he behaving like a child by ... (read in full...)
Am I asking too much from him --- drinking and sexual abuse
Q. Sorry this is so long. I hope someone takes the time to read it. I've been recently dealing with some guilt involving my relationship with my fiance. We have an awesome relationship first of all. I know we are meant to be together and we talk abo...
A. 31 October 2014: Hi, firstly Im sorry to hear that you were sexually abused, it is traumatic regardless of when it happened and as you know, it only takes once for it to have an impace on the victims life. Regarding his drinking, you are right, it is excessive and... (read in full...)
Can you help calculate the maths to perhaps arrive at which guy is the likely father?
Q. This is kind of embarrassing but i just want an opinion im fairly sure i know the answer would like some opinions though. I am 6 mths pregnant. at the time of falling pregnant i slept with 2 guys. im fairly sure i know who the dad is but was w...
A. 27 October 2014: I wont judge you because lets face it, many people have slept with 2 different people a couple of weeks apart at some point in their life. It can happen for many reasons, maybe they split up with one partner and slept with the second as a ... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant and not happy with the demands my boyfriend is making of me
Q. I am pregnant and due feb. I havent been with the dad for long.. the baby was defo a surprise. Heres my problems - I have moved in with my new partner just a mth ago.. he wont let me bring my cat which ive had for 9 yrs he wont let me ...
A. 20 October 2014: This guy sounds crazy. Why would you give up a pet for an a****le who you only know a few months, who isnt treating you right? Get out of there fast, collect your cat and please move in with family or alone. He sounds like he has issues and you will ... (read in full...)
I'm in a new relationship. But how do I stop being so untrusting anxious that he'll leave me?
Q. I had been in this new relationship for about two months. We first were just working on a construction job together but it gradually turned into us living together in the house we are working on and him working for me. I have 4 children that don...
A. 15 October 2014: This isnt your issue here. You have 4 kids that you dont have custody of and you are pregnant with a 5th whose father may not even be in the country by the time you give birth. Concentrate on these important things, this guy already has a pregnant ... (read in full...)
Am I too shy? Am I not forward enough? What am I doing wrong?
Q. I feel a bit pathetic writing to an agony aunt site but i feel like nobody understands how i'm feeling. I've been single for 5 years now and i feel like i'll never have another relationship. The last guy i was involved with ended in disaster. I f...
A. 10 October 2014: You have got good answers already, to be honest you just havent met the right man yet (neither have I!) and you dederve better than what you have encountered so far. Dont ever change who you are, you would feel much worse if you had slept with them. ... (read in full...)
Is it really my call to pull my alcoholic boyfriend out of rehab?
Q. I need some help and guidance here because I don't know what i am doing or if im doing the right thing anymore. Right ---- so my boyfriend of six months has entered a rehab program for alcohol addiction and due to problems inside there (some guy ...
A. 7 October 2014: You shouldn't have bailed him out before and you shouldn't have now. Sorry, but he is incapable of having a relationship until HE sorts himself out. I know you mean well but he is in the best place for now and he could be just saying all this in ... (read in full...)
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