| Latest articles: Are you in a controlling relationship?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
3 April 2009: i decided to write this article in view of the amount of people that I know/know of who are in unuqual relationships, that is in particular women who are in unequal relationships. Im not sating that it doesnt happen to men, of course, but often it ...
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How could people be so rude about my wedding?
Q. Hi, I don't know if I can post on here but I really need to vent and feel so upset. I got married in October and my husband and I were on a really tight budget, even though we had been saving for 2 years, making sacrifices and working every ext...
A. 16 April 2016: I know this was posted a few days ago but I just read it and felt compelled to reply.
It sounds like you did your absolute best to give your guests a good time on your wedding day and I hope you really enjoyed it. You did things the sensible way,... (read in full...)
Why is he not scared that I'll become pregnant?
Q. There's this guy that i am seeing that i had sex with on the third date, after that it has been once a week(everytime we meet). We have seen eachother for approximately 2-3 months. BUT, there is one thing i dont understand. He always comes inside o...
A. 21 March 2016: Because he is selfish and doesnt particularly care once he gets his fun. Sorry to be blunt but it is what it is. I dont feel you know this guy well enough and that maybe communication isnt what it should be. Please heed the well thought out advice ... (read in full...)
Are my boyfriend's loose boundaries with his gay male friend crossing the line?
Q. Hello, My boyfriend and I have been together for almost three years and we live together. He is from another state and the first time I went home with him about a year and a half ago, I ran into some unexpected and hurtful interactions. ...
A. 16 January 2016: it sounds like he is gay but isnt comfortable with it. Your sexlife is very telling and no this is not normal behaviour for straight men who know gay men. If anything straight men would back off physically in order to avoid giving the wrong signals.... (read in full...)
Why would a married man keep in touch with his mistress while on vacation with his wife?
Q. Why does a married man who is on vacation with his wife keep in constant touch with his mistress while he is away? And tells her he misses her and can't wait to be with her again?...
A. 12 January 2016: to make sure that the mistress will still put out for him when he is back.... (read in full...)
I want a child but my boyfriend doesn't. Should I tell him I'm going off contraception?
Q. So I've been with my partner for 3 years . I have had the implant in my arm for nearly 6 years . It's only meant to last 3 years ? Is there a specific time limit for this contraception? Me and my partner don't use any other form of protecti...
A. 3 December 2015: follow the good advice you have received here and for Gods sake get on some form of contraception NOW. He already doesnt see his first child, why do you think things will be different if you break up?... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to have deal breakers in relationships?
Q. My Boyfriend and I have been together for a year. Recently we talked about deal breakers. Both of us agreed cheating is a deal breaker. Then I told him if he ever took drugs at a party it'd be a deal breaker for me. I did not know he used to do ...
A. 10 November 2015: no it isnt wrong to have deal breakers, these are standards you have to have when dating. If there are no conditions then surely anything goes? Personally I would not find it acceptable to be with someone who does drugs recreationally or otherwise. ... (read in full...)
I'd like my son to connect with his father and grandparents. Would sending a letter to the grandparents be acceptable?
Q. Basically I had a fling several years ago and got pregnant ... we barely knew each other so I can't blame the father for ditching me the moment i said "baby". I let him go. It has been 6 years and I wonder if he regrets his actions. I am harder to f...
A. 8 October 2015: I would write a letter to the father first and if you get no reply then contact the grandparents by letter. Just write it as you have here, how you didnt get to know each other, and since you have moved several times you know that you may not be ... (read in full...)
He made a racist remark. How should I respond? I think reporting him will make things worse for me.
Q. Hi all, I'm a 16 year old female that has just started college and is having some issues. I am on a male dominated course and I know a boy on their from my old school. We got on really well at school but now we're at college he's trying everythi...
A. 30 September 2015: what a scumbag he is. You have nothing to be ashamed of and you have proven just how hardworking and capable you are by being on this course. I would pick some fault of his and come up with something to say next time he even tries to undermine you. ... (read in full...)
Should I have a baby with him? He's married
Q. I am a 38 year old lady who has been in an unhappy long distance relationship in another city(away from home) for 7years with no assurance from my man that he will marry me any time soon. At the beginning of this year i met a guy same age as me wh...
A. 26 September 2015: I think you need to think more about what kind of people you get involved with. Of course you shouldnt have a baby with a married man... (read in full...)
Have I done the wrong thing by being direct with my partner regarding his personal hygiene? Should I have never said anything?
Q. I recently approached my partner about sometimes his personal hygiene being not as good as it should be, I had tried to encourage him through being tactful, playful etc for quite some time, and it hit a final straw recently, as it has effected our ...
A. 2 September 2015: I think you did the right thing. Im guessing one of the concerns was regarding dental hygiene since you did mention his health to him, and for someone to not brush their teeth often enough is disgusting. Look at it this way, if he didnt hear it from ... (read in full...)
Any advice for a lonely old man of 79 who likes to masturbate?
Q. Any advise for an elderly man who is lonely and likes to masturbate...
A. 31 August 2015: Nothing wrong with what you are doing. My advice probably isnt going to be what you want but I hope you arent too lonely in general. If you can try to meet people for companionship and friendship it might make you less lonely. Best wishes ... (read in full...)
The children's father is no help at all
Q. Hi im 28 I live alone with my 2 children I am still with the childrens father he has his own flat which he is reluctant to give up I have a 8 year old son who has adhd and a 11 month old daughter my partner is absolutely no help at all I have done ...
A. 26 August 2015: he has kept his own place because he wants to be free, living the life of a single childless man yet comes to your place for family time and no doubt for a hot meal and other home comforts. Set yourself free from this loser, this relationship is ... (read in full...)
Do I get back with my ex? My current g/f is away for six months!
Q. I had a bad break up with my ex 5 years back we were dating 6 years. She had my baby and gave me a choice my new girlfriend or her and the baby. I chose my girlfriend. 5 years have past and now my ex is sending me pics of my child telling me all ...
A. 26 August 2015: I agree with the others. Stop being so selfish and grow up. If you want to cheat on your current girlfriend then stop wasting her time and break up with her, that way she can let herself be open to meeting someone faithful.... (read in full...)
Can a married man have a mistress for 10 years and love her?
Q. Can a married man have a mistress for say 10 years and be in love with her? Otherwise if it was just sex, wouldn't he had dumped her ages ago? ...
A. 26 August 2015: If you are the mistress who keeps writing in with the same age group, then move on already. 10 years is too long to waste on any kind of rubbish.... (read in full...)
Think online date is fake how do I tell him I know
Q. im on a dating site and have been talking to a guy for a while but he keeps making lame excuses as and when to meet. he claimed he was coming bk from a sea side as his holiday was ending last saturday he picked the date but kept saying he was stuck ...
A. 26 August 2015: Just stop wasting your time already. Send him a quick message telling him what you think of him wasting your time then block him. I would be wondering if it is someone who knows you who is pretending to be this person because why do such a thing to ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend of 5 months doesn't shower or brush his teeth and its really getting to me!
Q. Hello! Really hope I can get some help! I met the most amazing man on holiday this year, and everything is fantastic, I love him to bits and he treats me amazingly. The only issue that I have is is complete lack of hygiene. We've been toge...
A. 26 August 2015: I would just tell him directly "you need to brush your teeth" next time they are in a state and the same goes for having a shower. It is disgusting and he should be aware of basic hygiene at his age. You have nothing to be embarrassed about, it is ... (read in full...)
A brazilian wax has left a cut, should I treat it?
Q. Hey guys. I could use a bit of advice. I had my first Brazilian wax yesterday... it was okay, if painful. When I got home and looked underneath I saw some skin had been pulled off with one of the wax strips, leaving a cut about a centimetre long. ...
A. 22 August 2015: That sounds very painful. I have no experience of this but the tea tree oil as the previous poster has suggested, would help and plenty of vaseline. Dont put any soap near the area, clean it with cotton wool soaked in cool boiled water if necessary. ... (read in full...)
My father left everything to my stepmother! How do I cope?
Q. My father passed away in early August. I am devastated because we were very close. I am also very upset about how his will turned out for my sister and I. My father was quite wealthy and literally everything went to his wife, a woman he was onl...
A. 18 August 2015: I agree with what Ciar said. It sounds very strange that your dad went against what he said to you seeing as you were very close and clearly did get on well. I am sorry for your loss. I lost my dad 5 years ago this month but I cant imagine how much ... (read in full...)
Should I find some new friends who are like us and don't have children?
Q. I want to start by saying that I hope what I'm about to write doesn't appear selfish as its really not my intention. I have 3 really close friends and we have all know each other since school (give or take 12 years). We are all married and 2 ...
A. 18 August 2015: I think you need to find some people, even casual acquaintances, who you can hang out with and go places with without listening to talk about kids. I worry that I will be in this situation soon as quite a few friends/acquaintances of mine have kids ... (read in full...)
This pregnancy couldn't have happened at a worse time! I need advice!
Q. Hi im looking for some advice, I don't want any hateful comments as this is hard enough. I have two children 5 and 3, im no longer with their dad and have been with my boyfriend for nearly a year. He is perfect, he adores my children and we ...
A. 18 August 2015: Pregnancy counselling would be a great idea to help you decide on what you want to do with someone non judgemental who can see the situation from a non biased point of view. Google BPAS for more information or ask your GP. Good luck x... (read in full...)
Half of me is says me is saying keep the baby and concentrate on new partner and new family and the other half is saying to terminate the pregnancy as I still love my ex!
Q. Ive just found out im 5 weeks pregnant. Ive only been with my partner a couple of months. My ex who i was with for 3 years finished with me in March this year and went straight out with someone else. I was so heartbroken by this that I jumped ...
A. 18 August 2015: whatever you do with the pregnancy, forget about the idea of getting back with your ex. As you said he caused you a lot of pain at the end of the relationship, and if he couldnt treat you right first time round why would he do it a second time? If ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is going to a wedding where his ex will be there, I'm not going but not feeling good about the situation
Q. My boyfriend has been invited to a wedding without me and his ex will be there. I've fallen out with him about his ex many times because I've found out that he's gone to see her behind my back and lied about it, repeatedly. When I found out that...
A. 13 August 2015: I agree with Rebecca C here; why would he lie about having contact with his ex if nothing was going on between them? I believe that he has been having sex with her and if he has stopped all contact with her now, how does he know for certain that she ... (read in full...)
Should I distance myself from my mom and younger sister?
Q. Should I distance myself from my mom and younger sister? My mom is an alcoholic who has spoiled my sister since birth and basically let her do whatever she wants. She is 22 and has a 1 year old daughter who my Mom is basically raising while she runs ...
A. 6 August 2015: I have been curious about your predicament so I came back to see if you got any other answers.... Tisha is right. I would actually start asking them for money since it has all been one sided so far and you clearly genuinely need YOUR money back. ... (read in full...)
Should our second date be dinner at his place?
Q. A few days ago I had a great first date with a guy I met online. We talked for hours then he invited me to his place to hang out a little more. Once we got there of course we ended up making out, but I didn't let things go any further (I had my ...
A. 6 August 2015: I would not go to his place for dinner or otherwise unless you are comfortable with having casual sex with him. ... (read in full...)
Who should pay in these situations?
Q. Hello everyone, I would like to know who should pay in the following situations: 1. My BF's friend, whom I am not friends with, invites us to a lavish wedding. BF and other friends attending the wedding agreed to pay $100 USD per person. Shou...
A. 6 August 2015: you have got some great answers here. In short, your boyfriend is totally out of order. Best wishes.... (read in full...)
Will her ex know it's her despite a fake profile and different contact details? Should she do it?
Q. Has anyone ever used another phone or fake profile to contact an ex to get a message to them? My friend is in a bad way because of the way her ex treated her - firstly two timing her and then dumping her and cutting off all contact. He has been a j...
A. 6 August 2015: he isnt worth it. If it really helps you move on tell him what you think of him by message, and forget about him once you get that closure. And no dont even think about wasting your time on him again.... (read in full...)
Should I call it a day? I forgave him the affair but now he seems to be hiding things!
Q. I've asked for advice on numerous occasions regarding my partner, now of 10 years and a lot of you told me then to get rid of him as long ago as 5 years but Ihave always thought things would change. However, I then found that he has cheated on me ...
A. 6 August 2015: Ive been in the same situation before regarding the phone and him getting agitated and going literally crazy. I dont know what age group you are, but my advice is the same regardless. Get out of there now, you will never regret leaving a ... (read in full...)
Should the man pay on dates?
Q. I have been on several dates with a man that I like a lot. On the first date, the waitress gave him the check and he paid. I thanked him and we made plans to meet again. Our second date was lunch and skeet shooting. After lunch he said "I'll g...
A. 4 August 2015: I agree with the poster WithYou. If he asks (it was his idea) then he should pay, when you are a proper couple then you can pitch in. ... (read in full...)
Should I distance myself from my mom and younger sister?
Q. Should I distance myself from my mom and younger sister? My mom is an alcoholic who has spoiled my sister since birth and basically let her do whatever she wants. She is 22 and has a 1 year old daughter who my Mom is basically raising while she runs ...
A. 4 August 2015: stop giving them money. You yourself dont have $2000 lying around to spare and she is clearly begging you for money so she can continue to save her own money. As for your mom, unless and until she decides to quit drinking then there isnt much you ... (read in full...)
I should have listened to my mum's warning about this man
Q. I have let my Mum down by my actions the past while. I met a older man at work, he was always helping me and being friendly. The man has a wife so I always thought he seen me as just work-mate. After working there a while I had saved up enough ...
A. 26 July 2015: The previous posters have given great advice. What a nasty piece of work this man is. You couldnt have knows what his true intentions were. You need to tell him in no uncertain terms that if he is to harrass you or contact you in any way again, ... (read in full...)
My Mum has issues with me dating an older lady!
Q. Mum has issues me dating older lady. She's turning 36 and I am 32. She has a daughter about 10 years old. The relationship has been good. We have dated two years and my mum is totally against it. She feels she is way older and much too mature for ...
A. 26 July 2015: Hi, maybe your mum doesnt approve of the lady because she has a daughter already? Maybe she wants you to have a number of kids and she feels that this lady doesnt have much time left? In any case, if the lady is a respectable person there is no ... (read in full...)
I have self confidence issues. Why wouldn't my boyfriend defend me when nasty remarks were said?
Q. I have almost zero confidence when it comes to my body. I'm a size 16, and due to being bullied as a child due to my weight I have never had any confidence with guys. I have had boyfriends in the past, but I had been single for nearly two years...
A. 22 July 2015: I am sorry that you are in this situation. To be honest, he didnt defend you because he is immature and didnt have the guts to say something in your defense. I am questioning his intentions towards you since he never introduced you as his ... (read in full...)
Too many questions from over-sheltered teen
Q. I guess there's a lot to this question, but I'm beginning to think there's something wrong with me. Background: I'm 15 and I'm being raised by my super-Catholic (like, Traditional Pre-Vatican II Catholic, Latin-Mass-attending) Nana El and Pawp...
A. 17 July 2015: i enjoyed reading your post as it sounds like your grandparents are really trying to bring you up properly and they are doing their best for you. They love you so much and they want you to be safe and happy. Also much of your post sounds familiar to ... (read in full...)
My fiance's ex accused him of bodily harm and he was arrested. We are to get married in 5 weeks and now I'm scared!
Q. Please help because I am a little scared. I am due to be getting married in 5 weeks to a lovely lovely man who has 2 wonderful children who I adore. We have been together for 4 years and so so happy. However, after going through court to get...
A. 17 July 2015: If he is under suspicion (as in not in police custody) I would say carry on with the wedding as long as you both want to. It sounds like she is trying to ruin the wedding for you both, the timing is a coincidence in that sense. Good luck and I wish ... (read in full...)
My girlfriends brother asked me some inappropriate questions about mine and her sex life. Should I be concerned?
Q. I met an Asian girl from Singapore a few years ago and she has been my girlfriend for three years now, about six weeks ago I met her family for the first time. The first time I was alone with my girlfriend's brother he started to ask me some ver...
A. 16 July 2015: How strange! I would wonder if he has had very limited contact with peers his own age or else he may have never had sexual experiences in general. Maybe he is a bit immature for his age?
He may have looked at something on the internet and got ... (read in full...)
Partner says relationship with my son is not normal?
Q. Opinions please... My son is ten and it's been me and him on our own since he was a baby. He is very much a mummies boy and we have a great relationship. I have been in a relationship with an older man for several years on and off. He doe...
A. 9 July 2015: I think your boyfriend is absolutely wrong and possibly a bit jealous. Your son is only 10, he will become less inclined to kiss you on the mouth in a couple of years time which will be natural as he becomes a teenager but for now he is a child and ... (read in full...)
He wants sex but I'm not allowed until I'm married, what should I do?
Q. My boyfriend want to have sex.butI am a Christian and I am not allowed to have sex till I am married what should I do...
A. 5 July 2015: Dont have sex with him just because he wants it and doesnt respect your beliefs. Trust me, you would regret it in the long run.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has been texting a girl asking her to be his mistress. She refused him. What should I do about my BF?
Q. My boyfriend admitted to me that he asked this girl best friend if she would have sex with him and she said that she would. However, she says she respects our relationship so she won't sleep with him. Yet he keeps texting her that she's irresi...
A. 5 July 2015: he is an idiot as a mistress is the side piece of a married man, not an unmarried man in a relationship. In any case, it is irrelevant, what is relevant is the fact that he wants to cheat on you. Get rid of him, this situation never ends well and ... (read in full...)
Is this bullying? Jealousy?
Q. I work with an older woman and she is quite an honest person. But there is honesty , and then there is going too far. I don't understand what her issue can be with me. She's always criticising my hair. ( I have a few split ends, a lot of people d...
A. 19 June 2015: tell her shortly and sharply that if you wanted her opinion you would ask for it. There is no reason why she should be saying all this to you and she is clearly very jealous of you. Wear your makeup how you want it, and your hair etc and dont worry ... (read in full...)
Going to University in September. Will people think I'm strange if I'm wary of random hook-ups and the club scene?
Q. I will be going to University in September but I am really worried about the whole club scene. I am a pretty girl but I don't want people to come up to me and expect certain things. I will never have sex with anyone randomly and I have to be in a ...
A. 15 June 2015: no people will not think you are strange at all. Not everyone hooks up with random people in college, many dont in fact. You dont have to do anything that you dont want to do, and dont ever let anyone pressure you regarding sex, drugs, alcohol etc. ... (read in full...)
What is he really playing at? He says he's working there. I think he has had a baby with another woman
Q. Six month's ago I found a new fb page of my current bf, which said in a relationship with someone else, when I confronted him he denied it and removed the account saying his brother made it. Anyway I kept the girls name and every now and then I g...
A. 14 June 2015: I dont understand. How is he your boyfriend if he lives away and you never see each other??... (read in full...)
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