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How do I respond when friends query me on this? She uses a picture of herself with my BF as her profile picture on social media

Tagged as: Dating, Pregnancy, Social Media, The ex-factor, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (17 February 2017) 11 Answers - (Newest, 15 March 2017)
A female United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Hi Everyone, I could use some advice.

I am currently contemplating getting back into a relationship with my boyfriend of 7 years. We split for 3 years, and he began dating someone else.

They recently had a child together, but are not in a relationship. She has a picture of the two of them on her social media page and he has asked her to take it down, but she refuses.

It is bothering me because we have mutual friends in social media who have begin to ask me about the picture. I love him and he has made it clear that he is in love with me.

How do I respond to friends on social media who wants to know why his daughter's mother has a picture of the two of them as her profile picture on Facebook?

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (15 March 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntThanks for the update, sorry I am only getting around to replying now, how is the situation now? Have you spoke to him about your fears and concerns? You both really need to be able to talk to each other and communicate about anything for this relationship to work. It's clear you are also scared and doubting the relationship so it would be good if you opened up to him.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2017):

Thanks Aunt Honesty for your advice.

The honest answer to whether or not I'm sure I want to be in a relationship with him is I don't know. I can handle him having a co-parenting relationship with his daughter's mother with ease, and I encourage him to have a relationship with his daughter whole heartedly. It's my observation that since his daughter has been born he's became fearful, hopeless, paranoid, sad, and anxious in life, not the guy I fell in love with. It's almost as if he has lost his connection to the higher power, and that is what makes me question whether or not I want to be in a relationship with him.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (22 February 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntHim having a daughter should not embarrass you or you should not feel like you have the control who knows and who doesn't. I am glad he has finally realized his errors in his ways and is standing up for his poor innocent daughter. Thankfully her mother did not fall in to pressure off having an abortion. Are you sure you want to be with this guy when he is still connected to his ex and has a child with her? Are you sure you are able to handle that? I mean you are worrying what friends think and really it shouldn't matter to you.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2017):

Thank you WiseOwlE for your advice.

Yes, I did ask him to ask her to take the picture down, because I am hurt and embarrassed.I did not tell my friends or family that he has a daughter and I didn't want them to find out until we were ready to tell them.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2017):

Thanks Honey Pie for your advice.

I am not sure if she knows they are not dating, but he told me that she asked him to back off when he told her she should have an abortion and that she was going to raise her child alone. He stated that he had no contact with her until she began to befriend his friends and family on Facebook. He states that now he financially supports his daughter and their is no intimate relationship between the two of them.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2017):

Thank you Aunty BimBim for your advice, and when asked about the photo I will tell my friends to redirect their questions to him.

As far as I know the two of them broke up shortly after he learned she was pregnant. He told me that he explained to her that he was not ready to have a child and suggested that she have an abortion, and have a child after he felt ready to be a father. He stated she told him she will raise their daughter alone, and asked him to leave her alone. He told me that he had little contact with her up until the baby was born and after their daughter was born she began to befriend his friends and family. He stated that once his family learned he had a daughter he was embarrassed for now being involved during the pregnancy and began to reach out to her more and now he is offering financial support.

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A female reader, deirdre Ireland +, writes (18 February 2017):

Make sure that they really are broken up and that he isnt lying to you. Been in that situation and you dont want to end up looking foolish. Best wishes.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (18 February 2017):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntI would tell mutual friends to ask HER about the picture. After all, it is HER profile picture, not yours. As far as I am aware, she can use any picture she likes on her profile, so no bar on her using one of herself with the father of her child.

I am puzzled that friends are asking YOU about the picture when you are not even back in a relationship with this guy.

I hope, if you do get back into a relationship with him, you encourage him to have as much contact with his child as possible.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (17 February 2017):

One, he's the father of her child; and therefore has more than just a casual-connection to her.

Two, even if no longer in a relationship; pictures left behind with her are hers to use as she pleases.

Everyone who knows either of you, knows he's no longer in a relationship with her. No matter what false-perceptions those images may misrepresent; the facts speak to the contrary.

If she knows they create controversy and annoy the two of you, your overreaction is giving her exactly what she wants.

To be honest, I don't think he has been as firm about her taking them down as he is leading you to believe. He's caught in the middle of a female-firestorm, and he doesn't want to piss either of you off. It's baby-mama drama; and it's guys like him always caught-up in some nonsense between two females.

They had a child together, and maybe it isn't easy to be tossed aside while he decides to go back to someone else.

In time the pictures will even grow meaningless, if not annoying, to her. Have some empathy, she's hurt. He didn't think to use a condom, did he? He changed her life, and left her to be single-mother. His kid doesn't have a live-in father. So she's holding on to something. Have a heart!

Well, whether she takes the pictures down or not; he's still apart of her life through her daughter. Like it, or not. The pictures are of very little consequence anyway. Why did he ask her to take them down? For you, or being spiteful?

Removing the pictures will not erase the fact he was once with her and they made a kid. The concerns of others about the obsolete Facebook pictures are irrelevant. Why does it even matter?

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (17 February 2017):

Honeypie agony auntIt's Facebook, seriously...

Tell the friend who ASKED you about it, that you DO NOT know why. Maybe because they had a child together. But that SHE (your friend) can ASK the girl or your ex-bf about it. It's NOT like you have ANY control over this woman's Facebook and what pictures she posts. Or have any "special" insights.

Are you sure SHE knows they are no longer dating?

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia + , writes (17 February 2017):

Aunty BimBim agony auntIs it possible your ex hasn't told her yet that they are not in a relationship, I only ask because you do say they were dating and have recently had a child.

I am also wondering what reason he has given to her to take it down, after all she and he have, as already mentioned, just had a child. Exactly when did their relationship end?

When curious mutual friends on social media ask you about his daughter's mother's profile picture you could gently suggest they direct their enquiries to him.

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