| Latest articles: Are you in a controlling relationship?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
3 April 2009: i decided to write this article in view of the amount of people that I know/know of who are in unuqual relationships, that is in particular women who are in unequal relationships. Im not sating that it doesnt happen to men, of course, but often it ...
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Should I tell my friend that she may get fired?
Q. I know how crazy this question may sound. Off course I should, right? Only, she’s unable to hear anything bad in general and especially right now. She’s been prolonging her sick leave for over a month (we live in a European country where th...
A. 4 March 2015: ok from your update it sounds as though she should be on medication all the time, she currently cant cope without it at all but obviously there isnt anything you can do about that. You have done all you can do basically. Yes tell her what you plan ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my friend that she may get fired?
Q. I know how crazy this question may sound. Off course I should, right? Only, she’s unable to hear anything bad in general and especially right now. She’s been prolonging her sick leave for over a month (we live in a European country where th...
A. 3 March 2015: it sounds as though your friend really is struggling with depression or a similar issue. The fact that she only takes her medication from time to time will not help this. She needs to take the antidepressants/tranquilisers consistently for a period ... (read in full...)
Can anything really happen if you give up masturbating
Q. I know there's all kinds of mythical things people tell you will happen if you masturbate, but is there anything real that could happen if you don't? I gave it up for Lent and I would love to know....
A. 3 March 2015: no it wont affect you in any way, all these myths were invented mostly in Victorian times to frighten people into "leaving themselves alone". It is harmless and so starting it or stopping it will not produce any side effects.... (read in full...)
My mum is insistent that I move out and get a job.. but I am already doing a beauty course..how do I get her to back off?
Q. I am currently finishing a full time beauty therapy course. I have been looking for jobs, but so far have been unsuccessful. my mum is giving me such a hard time at the moment, phoning me up and calling me a "fucking disgrace" because i havent got a ...
A. 2 March 2015: i would tell her that since she is not contributing to your life she doesnt have a say in how you live it. It sounds like you moved out as soon as you could due to her. She is controlling and you dont need her negativity. There is a way to say ... (read in full...)
My mum is insistent that I move out and get a job.. but I am already doing a beauty course..how do I get her to back off?
Q. I am currently finishing a full time beauty therapy course. I have been looking for jobs, but so far have been unsuccessful. my mum is giving me such a hard time at the moment, phoning me up and calling me a "fucking disgrace" because i havent got a ...
A. 2 March 2015: i would tell her that since she is not contributing to your life she doesnt have a say in how you live it. It sounds like you moved out as soon as you could due to her. She is controlling and you dont need her negativity. There is a way to say ... (read in full...)
Should I let my irresponsible sister move in with me?
Q. Hello, ok after suffering years of abuse, I have decided to move out of the turbulent man's house I have called father for years. The issue is I have enough cash to set my self up...tho am still seeking employment but the things is I have a twin s...
A. 23 February 2015: I would move alone if I were you. This is already hard enough without someone irresponsible with you and you dont want her inviting boys or worst still your "father" over. This is your chance for a new start and you have made it come about all by ... (read in full...)
Pregnant from a one night stand and he has gone back to his ex!
Q. Hi all I need some none judgemental advice!I am 22 and recently had a one night stand with a guy I barely know and stupidly we didn't use protection I am on the pill but recently just switched. Anyway I am now pregnant and petrified and not even ...
A. 9 February 2015: Firstly you should decide what you want to do, whether it is to keep it or not. If you do keep the pregnancy you will be a single mum and will likely have little to no support from the guy. BPAS (British Pregnancy Advisory Service) offer ... (read in full...)
I found out he lied about having a girlfriend, does that mean he isn't serious about her?
Q. Hi Agony people! I met this guy the other day and he seemed nice and chatty. He told me he was a year younger than he actually is too. I asked him on the qt unknownst to him if he had a girlfriend and he sad no. I thought he was geniune and a really ...
A. 4 February 2015: Nope, he is just an opportunistic asshole, some people see nothing wrong in cheating unfortunately.... (read in full...)
Should I agree that it's OK? My Girlfriend wants to wear transparent clothing that will allow her breasts to be seen to others in public.
Q. Should I let my girlfriend to go braless in public? Will it be okay to allow her? she wants to wear very short dresses, and dresses that allow her breasts to be seen through the fabric and be transparent and be viewable in public. She says she wan...
A. 30 January 2015: Do you just mean that she wants to wear fitted dressed or something that actually is see through to the point where everything can be seen? In any case let her know your opinion, but if it is simply fitted clothing which shows her shape and ... (read in full...)
I am seriously thinking about putting my 2 year old up for adoption! Advice?
Q. Hi please don't judge me for this : I am seriously thinking about putting my 2 year old up for adoption. I love her but I am not the mother I hoped to be or she deserves. I cry on a daily basis, find myself snapping at her. The burst into tea...
A. 28 January 2015: I think you are suffering from depression, you are definitely NOT an unfit mother. The fact that you love her and you feel like she "deserves" more, shows how much you care about her.
Maybe you are feeling this way because of a lack of support?... (read in full...)
I had considered asking if she would let me masturbate to her but I don't want to come across as a creep. Is there another alternative?
Q. Hi. I am stuck and am open to advice. My cousin and I have been close as "brother-sister" while growing up. She is a few years older then me but we are both in our twenties. I have always had a crush on her but when we were teenagers while ...
A. 28 January 2015: Dont ask her, for all your sakes. You have a girlfriend, and your cousin has made her feelings (or lack of) clear. Arent they enough reasons not to?... (read in full...)
Its a very delicate subject ......
Q. I have a problem with my mother in law who likes to sit on my husbands lap for photos - not every time but just when she feels like it that is what she does. She just gets up off a chair and sits on their lap and this seems 'normal' to them but not ...
A. 24 January 2015: I would be uncomfortable with it too. I grew up in a family that rarely if ever gave hugs let alone sitting in each others laps, so maybe that influences my opinion. I am thinking maybe this is just how the family are, I would advise you to talk ... (read in full...)
I told him no contact and I blocked him, but he got mad. Should I unblock him to send him one last message?
Q. I started No Contact on Sunday so that I could start healing from my ex (of 10 months). Before cutting him off, I sent a one liner email saying "I wish you the best." Then blocked him on Facebook and erased him from my messenger contact list. ...
A. 24 January 2015: Unfortunately you can never be friends with this type of person. He will continue having a hold over you and manipulating you in some way, it just wont work. What kind of friend will he be? He was a non boyfriend. Just block every way he has of ... (read in full...)
I told him no contact and I blocked him, but he got mad. Should I unblock him to send him one last message?
Q. I started No Contact on Sunday so that I could start healing from my ex (of 10 months). Before cutting him off, I sent a one liner email saying "I wish you the best." Then blocked him on Facebook and erased him from my messenger contact list. ...
A. 23 January 2015: This person is manipulative and is the type who would convince you that you are the unreasonable crazy one... If he could. Stay no contact, and block whatever other avenues he has of contacting you. He is insulting by "offering" you FWB and then ... (read in full...)
Marriage woes after 2nd baby
Q. Dear People, I would like some advice on some marriage problems I am facing, which have peaked since having my 2nd baby, 3 weeks ago. I am recovering from a brutal c-section - my second - and still in immense pain. Husbamd is generally a goo...
A. 23 January 2015: Is your husband british or from a totally different culture? It could be helpful to know as some cultures expect women to do everything and have very little understanding of the new mums pain and discomfort or other difficulties. In any case your ... (read in full...)
Is my girlfriend out of line in her comments about mental illness?
Q. I've been with my girlfriend 2 and a half years and honestly some of the things she does and says take the absolute biscuit. Yesterday we were speaking about mental illness, I have confided in her before and gotten the same reaction, in my ...
A. 20 January 2015: She is a bully who seems to think she has a right to control what you do and dictate how you feel/what illness you have. I would ask myself why she is going out with you since she isnt understanding at all? Does she get some kind of enjoyment out of ... (read in full...)
Is it worth trying again or should I just let my head rule my heart?
Q. I'm really confused right and now and need some advice please! So background : I was with my ex for 5 months when he asked me to move in with him. I know it was too soon but I was stupid and said yes. We lived together happily for over a year...
A. 19 January 2015: Personally I wouldnt get back with him without a definitive reason why he wanted you to break up. Unless he is ridiculously immature, he had to have a reason for suggesting this in the first place. Im not saying you did anything wrong, I just mean ... (read in full...)
I am sure my Mom was just a bit tipsy but this creeped me out!
Q. Hi, I m a 23 year old guy. Yesterday I asked my friend Jeremy (also 23) to sleep over my house for the whole weekend. Around 10 my mom and her best friend were sitting at the kitchen counter drinking some wine when Jeremy came over. This was the ...
A. 18 January 2015: It was just drunken banter, dont worry about it unless your mom is some kind of man eating cougar... (read in full...)
Should I sever all ties, or stay with my pregnant girl friend?
Q. Hey all, I just wanted to get some opinions... i have been with my current girlfriend now for 7 months, I know its not long but it was amazing in the beginning and i felt like i loved her more than anyone before. She had to move back to her coun...
A. 18 January 2015: Surely you can see that you are not thinking in the same way as her. You say you have a good job now, yet she doesnt sound like she is thinking of her future at all. She is planning on selling drugs to make money, do you really think this person is ... (read in full...)
Should I sever all ties, or stay with my pregnant girl friend?
Q. Hey all, I just wanted to get some opinions... i have been with my current girlfriend now for 7 months, I know its not long but it was amazing in the beginning and i felt like i loved her more than anyone before. She had to move back to her coun...
A. 16 January 2015: When did she have the abortion? It must have been very recently. Midnight Shadow and Honeypie are right, this relationship and the drug use is not healthy. Outside of this relationship, do you have family or (drug free) friends? I say drug free as... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't want his expensive birthday gift, and I can't get my money back!
Q. I got my boyfriend an pretty expensive bday gift. I got us a cabin as a weekday getaway. I planned everything including food and transportation. I wanted to surprise him and he doesn't want to go. He says he'll be hungover and he wants to go out ...
A. 16 January 2015: The other 2 posters have got it in one. Dont even think about wasting this treat! Find someone to go with and enjoy it. There is no point in letting it go to waste, you will only be sitting at home miserable if you dont use it. Plus it will be a fun ... (read in full...)
Should I call his bluff and leave?
Q. So, when I met my partner (stanley) he worked as a builder for a bloke (trevor)for £100 cash a week (if he was lucky). I persuaded him to go out and get a full time job so we could move out together and everything was lovely, we were both so happy. ...
A. 16 January 2015: I agree with the previous poster, this situation is not workable right now and you need and deserve to know that at the end of each week there is enough to provide for you and your baby. You will also be financially better off living on your own ... (read in full...)
Should I sever all ties, or stay with my pregnant girl friend?
Q. Hey all, I just wanted to get some opinions... i have been with my current girlfriend now for 7 months, I know its not long but it was amazing in the beginning and i felt like i loved her more than anyone before. She had to move back to her coun...
A. 16 January 2015: Thanks for clarifying things. It sounds like the best thing she can do is get an abortion and also visit a doctor about her mental health, the drugs are affecting the depression and the depression is probably encouraging her to turn to drugs. It is ... (read in full...)
Should I sever all ties, or stay with my pregnant girl friend?
Q. Hey all, I just wanted to get some opinions... i have been with my current girlfriend now for 7 months, I know its not long but it was amazing in the beginning and i felt like i loved her more than anyone before. She had to move back to her coun...
A. 16 January 2015: Like the 2 previous posters, I think this pregnancy issue is the main one right now. Is it yours? From the way you say it, it is unclear whether you got her pregnant or someone else, if you can clarify this so that we can give better advice. Why is ... (read in full...)
Nine year affair and the woman I love decides to have another child with her husband.
Q. I am a married man with 2 kids who fell in love with a married woman 9 years ago. She was in a "loveless" marriage with 1 child and I was getting bored in mine. She recently "broke" it off with me without any explanation a few months ago and would't ...
A. 14 January 2015: As much as I feel for your spouses, I have to ask the obvious. Is there any possibility that this baby could be yours? I would be looking very closely at the timeline of events for this possibility. It could be the reason why she has suddenly ... (read in full...)
Stay renting where I am? Or move in with him? Do I pay him rent when he's the one buying the apartment?
Q. My boyfriend plans to buy an apartment, and asked me if I would like to move in with him when he's bought one. I have suggested we rent together instead, but he's very keen on buying his own place and not rent. He can not afford a big place, so it ...
A. 13 January 2015: I would be suspicious in light of his recent proposal. Why did he change his mind so fast? He clearly is just looking for a way for you to help buy him out, this is simply another way for him to achieve his goal. DO NOT buy a place with someone ... (read in full...)
I feel like my father's verbal punching bag. So how can I get through this? Still saving to leave home.
Q. I'm 20 and I'm stuck in a situation where I've been emotionally abused by my dad for a few years now, even though it's not that he wants me out of the house, he just uses me as a verbal punching bag every other day. It just comes naturally to him...
A. 13 January 2015: It sounds as though maybe you had depression or a similar illness though if Im wrong then forgive me. Some people seem to think that if something isnt physical, then it is imagined or faked and this is ignorant not to mention very inaccurate. Your... (read in full...)
Stay renting where I am? Or move in with him? Do I pay him rent when he's the one buying the apartment?
Q. My boyfriend plans to buy an apartment, and asked me if I would like to move in with him when he's bought one. I have suggested we rent together instead, but he's very keen on buying his own place and not rent. He can not afford a big place, so it ...
A. 13 January 2015: I agree with the others, DO NOT move in with him even if he tries to bargain with you. His offer is insulting, basically you are an unofficial co signer on HIS property with none of the benefits yet all of the disadvantages. He is making it look ... (read in full...)
I don't think my teacher likes me
Q. Back in September, I began a beauty course at a community college. I do enjoy it, but it has become apparant that the teacher dislikes me. I thought perhaps I was being over sensitive, but my classmates have noticed the way she speaks to me with ...
A. 10 January 2015: I would ask her outright, at a time when there is no one else in earshot. Put her on the spot in the same way she has done to you. I had this situation in an exercise class before and I left it, despite loving the class. The tutor made fun of me in ... (read in full...)
My husband is deleting texts from his ex-wife. How can I handle this?
Q. My husband deletes texts and calls from his ex wife, even after we've had discussions about doing this, and he said he wouldn't do it anymore. Also, I've seen texts where she sends him x's and o's. At one point I even texted her myself to ask her ...
A. 7 January 2015: I would be more interested in what he was sending to her, and what else might be happening behind your back. Why are they communicating in the first place anyway? If they have kids together, Im assuming the kids are old enough to have their own ... (read in full...)
How do I tell my dad I am pregnant?
Q. This isn't a relationship question but I was hoping someone might be able to give me some advice. I'm 17 yrs. old and a senior in High school. Over the weekend I found out I was pregnant. I live with my father, my parents divorce was I was 9 and ...
A. 6 January 2015: I just see that you are in canada not the US, maybe there is some centre that can offer you non judgemental counselling or other help regarding your options. I wish you luck whatever you decide, do update us on how it goes ... (read in full...)
How do I tell my dad I am pregnant?
Q. This isn't a relationship question but I was hoping someone might be able to give me some advice. I'm 17 yrs. old and a senior in High school. Over the weekend I found out I was pregnant. I live with my father, my parents divorce was I was 9 and ...
A. 6 January 2015: Hi, sorry for your predicament. I cant imagine how you must be feeling about such a huge issue at only 17.
You have got some great detailed answers here, I have to say please think carefully about your options. Dont assume that you and your boy... (read in full...)
Would you be with someone who wouldn't have sex unless you used a condom?
Q. Hi everyone. A question for both, men and women: how would you feel if someone you want to be intimate with won't do so unless you use a condom? Boyfriend or girlfriend relationship type. Also, if you get asked to be tested for STDS, do you do it? ...
A. 2 January 2015: I think it is a good idea, the person isnt necessarily being insulting they just want to make sure that neither of you have caught anything from previous encounters. Some STIs have no symptoms such as chlamydia. Going to be tested together is also a ... (read in full...)
Is my former FWB guy genuine about wanting to be friends?
Q. I'd like some advice because I'm so confused. I used to be sort of fwb (hate that saying) with someone, which I regret now. He's now married but we still talk. He told me he wants to be friends but he's changed constantly flirting and whe...
A. 2 January 2015: You have a good response so far I see. I think you know already, this guy is looking to continue the fun and he doesnt respect his wife or you. Calling you "babe"? Trying to kiss you? He is making his motives clear ... (read in full...)
Is my ex capable of being helped before we try to rekindling our relationship?
Q. Dear cupid,I wrote you the other day about rekindling a relationship with my ex but I truly change my mind there is no kind of change in this man he is truly history but he constantly calls me telling me he loves me but his still has his bad habits ...
A. 2 January 2015: Leave him be, he has to want to change and he has to change himself. That means he doesnt take help from you, he goes about finding the resources necessary to do what he needs to do. He is an adult, he can figure this out himself if he want to do ... (read in full...)
I think my husband is financially abusing me, please advise
Q. I think my husband is financially abusing me, he is in a different country at the moment staying with his family. He has told me he has not got my savings back which he gave to a family member to invest in some company. I told him not to send the...
A. 29 December 2014: Hi, you asked a question related to this on here before, you should have heeded the advice you got that time as it would have saved you from sending more of YOUR money. I do feel for you, it sounds like you have been completely robbed and if he ... (read in full...)
I've been asked to use my wedding as a fundraiser
Q. I currently am living in an apartment that a program helps with a portion of our rent. My fiance and I are wanting to get married and have recently been told the program that helps us with rent wants us to have our ceremony at the house they use ...
A. 28 December 2014: I totally agree with the other answers here. You wouldnt raise money at your wedding for your rent so this is a crass suggestion of theirs and I would be appalled at the idea if I were in your position. Mavericks idea, "im sorry we have already made ... (read in full...)
I'm married, and transferred branches to stay away from a coworker I fell for, but he transferred too
Q. A co-worker and I had great chemistry and flirted constantly. We are both married. Nothing ever happened but I found myself constantly thinking about him and began to fall for him. Out of respect for my husband I have transfered to another office ...
A. 28 December 2014: Ok the first posters advice was harsh in my opinion, you transferred because you want to keep your marriage together and you didnt have an affair. Im afraid you can only put a stop to him by resetting the boundaries as workmates and nothing else. ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend says my the relationship between me and my son is unhealthy!
Q. My son 21 and we have a great mother and son relation but my girlfriend always finding fault in our relationship. Because my son tells me I'm his number one woman in his life and he's the only child i have and we can talk about everything, my ...
A. 27 December 2014: I agree with the answer from anonymous male, there seems to be nothing unhealthy about your relationship with your son. Why shouldnt you be close to him?? Hes your son after all! It sounds like your girlfriend is jealous of your closeness, it is ... (read in full...)
I need some reassurance before I make a doctor's appointment
Q. Hi. I am a 24 year old female and I'm currently in a relationship with my ex-boyfriend. We started going out in March this year and everything was perfect( I thought). And we broke up 4 months later cause he didn't trust me. We got together in mid- ...
A. 25 December 2014: What the hell are you thinking?? 40 % of adults in south africa, where you are, are HIV+ and you are messing about with someone who you know has this incurable disease. What are you doing? STAY AWAY from him and please educate yourself about HIV... (read in full...)
How can I convince her to wait until I'm ready for marriage and children?
Q. Hi aunts and uncles. I'm looking for some impartial advice and my girlfriend uses this site a lot so thought I'd give it a try. We have been together for 5 years, I am 27 and she is 29, and recently she has been putting a lot of pressure on me t...
A. 24 December 2014: I think this is the same person asking the question that Peppe has mentioned. Anyway 5 years is long enough to know what he/she wants, it is time to set a timeframe (a shorter one than another 5 years) or else move on. ... (read in full...)
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