| Latest articles: Are you in a controlling relationship?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
3 April 2009: i decided to write this article in view of the amount of people that I know/know of who are in unuqual relationships, that is in particular women who are in unequal relationships. Im not sating that it doesnt happen to men, of course, but often it ...
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What is he really playing at? He says he's working there. I think he has had a baby with another woman
Q. Six month's ago I found a new fb page of my current bf, which said in a relationship with someone else, when I confronted him he denied it and removed the account saying his brother made it. Anyway I kept the girls name and every now and then I g...
A. 14 June 2015: I dont understand. How is he your boyfriend if he lives away and you never see each other??... (read in full...)
Can a married man fall in love with another woman, yet never leave his wife?
Q. Can a married man fall in love with another woman he has been with for 2-3 years but never leave his wife?...
A. 6 June 2015: If you are the same lady from the US in the same age group who has posted about this issue before then I would advise you to leave the man in question. He is not going to leave his wife regardless of his existant/non existant feelings for you and ... (read in full...)
I feel my ex only thinks and cares about his own needs only, advice please!
Q. My ex lives with me for a yr now. He doesnt pay for anything at all including rent. Hes bought a jetski thats been fixed on off and dies again on off. He spent so much money on the jski and none on his 2kids. Hes always telling me that I should ...
A. 6 June 2015: Why are you letting him live there? He isnt even a lodger, at least a lodger would pay rent and utilities! He is taking you for a fool and you are not only allowing it but you are encouraging it. If you need someone to mind the kids, then pay a ... (read in full...)
Pregant and in a love triangle with a guy who lives with his Gf. What can I do to resolve my issues?
Q. i have kids from my previous marriage and the kids live wit dad. im now in a love triangle and pregnant. he lives with his first love about 60 km in the next town. the other lady is awre of my relationship with her partner. he will call her to f...
A. 5 June 2015: Is this kind of relationship the norm where you are from? Are you happy with this arrangement? Would you like a husband who only has you and who isnt cheating on you? Do you think that you dont deserve better? Please think about these important ... (read in full...)
I think it is wrong for a guy to ask for a woman's personal address after one date. I don't know how to handle it. Also he sent me the text at midnight and it woke me up.
Q. Having met a guy via a dating website a couple of months ago and exchanging personal emails (quite lengthy ones) we decided to meet up a few days ago. We live about 2 hours from each other so I was happy to meet half way. I'm really careful about ...
A. 5 June 2015: I would ask him directly why he wants to know. Whatever you do, dont give it to him and dont tell him the name of the area/neighbourhood in the town you live. This may sound overly cautious or whatever, but I have a good reason for this advice.
... (read in full...)
Is my sister's mental illness a reason for me to not have children?
Q. So, I'm at the age (early 30's) where my partner and I are thinking it's probably time we look at starting a family. But we're undecided as to what to do. I've always been a maternal person. I've always been excited about the idea of becoming a mu...
A. 3 June 2015: I really feel for you and your family. Several posters have given you better advice regarding having a family, than what I can offer. However I would suggest that you talk to your parents and see if they would be open to having your sister assessed ... (read in full...)
Do men see ''love'' and ''future'' differently?
Q. Do men have different opinion of “love” and “future”? I have been seeing a guy for almost three years. He is constantly telling me he loves me, but lately if feel there is something not right, that I might not be more than a friend with benefits...
A. 3 June 2015: hi I am glad you have decided on a course of action. Like you said (and I failed to say) it is a good idea not to mention this deadline as this is the only way you will get an accurate view of his intentions or rather the lack of them. You dont ... (read in full...)
Can women realistically start a family past 30?
Q. I suppose the purpose of this question is to hear from women who have started a family after the age of 30. Those of you in the UK might have seen that a top fertility doctor has just said publicly that women who want kids should try before t...
A. 3 June 2015: I read the story you are referring to and I also heard the doctor in question speaking on a news channel last week. I hate to hear these stories in the news because they are just scaremongering people and putting unnecessary pressure on those who ... (read in full...)
Do men see ''love'' and ''future'' differently?
Q. Do men have different opinion of “love” and “future”? I have been seeing a guy for almost three years. He is constantly telling me he loves me, but lately if feel there is something not right, that I might not be more than a friend with benefits...
A. 3 June 2015: I would say listen to your gut feeling. Often when a person feels like you do, they are right. He is deliberately being vague and elusive in his answers, he knows what he is doing. I am assuming he is somewhere close to your own age, in any case he ... (read in full...)
What am I doing wrong? I am homeless, pregnant and I think the other women in the shelter do not like me
Q. Am a new immigrant. Came to live in the u.s with my sister 3 months ago but she kicked me out onto the street after facing the realities of a pregnant woman..i.e throwing up and bring generally slow and demotivated. She knew I was pregnant bef...
A. 1 June 2015: I reckon they are either jealous, or being petty and spiteful because it helps take their minds off their own depressing selves/situations. They may see you as different and they may have very little in common with you, or feel insecure. In any case ... (read in full...)
Will my compromise work? My boyfriend has become very sexually posessive, and it's starting to bother my husband.
Q. My husband has always allowed me to have sex with other men and this has, up till now, made for a very fun and happy marriage of almost 20 years. I have been with my latest lover for a couple of years now and am very much in love with him (and wi...
A. 26 May 2015: I know that last question was for the other reader but I have to say if you leave your husband for this man, you will not be happy. You clearly enjoy the swingers/cuckold lifestyle and how could you practise this with your boyfriend? I think you ... (read in full...)
Will my compromise work? My boyfriend has become very sexually posessive, and it's starting to bother my husband.
Q. My husband has always allowed me to have sex with other men and this has, up till now, made for a very fun and happy marriage of almost 20 years. I have been with my latest lover for a couple of years now and am very much in love with him (and wi...
A. 26 May 2015: I would ask your husband about it first. He might not be happy with the arrangement since your boyfriend is already struggling with the setup and it will surely cause more trouble when your boyfriend is living with you both full time. Is your ... (read in full...)
Anyone have experience with bondage and the use of needles?
Q. Me and my girlfriend have been together for 2 years and are into bondage and S and M. She mentioned the other day about getting more into the pain factor as she called it. So I asked her would she would be interested in and she had seen some videos ...
A. 25 May 2015: Needles? Seriously? That is gross. No, there must be more "normal" and safe ways to this unusual practise.... (read in full...)
Should I be settling down?
Q. I'm 23 years old and I still like going out and enjoying myself. All my friends are settling down with their boyfriends, moving in together or having children. I just don't feel ready for all of this! I still live at home with my parents although I ...
A. 25 May 2015: Maybe your friends are saying these things to justify the fact that they moved too fast? Once you have kids there is no going back. They know that too, and they cant just go out when they want to now. I am 26 and I feel like this sometimes too, ... (read in full...)
Will my compromise work? My boyfriend has become very sexually posessive, and it's starting to bother my husband.
Q. My husband has always allowed me to have sex with other men and this has, up till now, made for a very fun and happy marriage of almost 20 years. I have been with my latest lover for a couple of years now and am very much in love with him (and wi...
A. 25 May 2015: this is such a weird set up... (read in full...)
Will my compromise work? My boyfriend has become very sexually posessive, and it's starting to bother my husband.
Q. My husband has always allowed me to have sex with other men and this has, up till now, made for a very fun and happy marriage of almost 20 years. I have been with my latest lover for a couple of years now and am very much in love with him (and wi...
A. 23 May 2015: my suggestion is that you remind your boyfriend that he is simply the side piece and not the main. He came into this knowing the arrangement; you are married and your husband is the main man here. He should know his place, in this case you need to ... (read in full...)
Wife of 5 years says her heart was always with someone else
Q. I’m just devastated by the news that I just received, and just wondering if I can get perspective from other men and women. My wife and I have been married for 5 years, together for 7. I accepted her 2 children from her previous marriage with op...
A. 23 May 2015: I am very sorry because you sound like a genuine loving man and you do not deserve this. This woman has used you and she is still using you. Living with you for as long as is convenient to her, saying she will divorce you when she gets back on her ... (read in full...)
Why do I find it harder to trust my married BF even after 2 years together?
Q. I've been with a married man for 2 years. Been here before. I find that after this long, it is harder for me to TRUST him. Can anyone enlighten me as to WHY I am having a harder time after this long trusting him? I actually found that...
A. 17 May 2015: you find it harder and harder to trust him as time goes on because you see what he is capable of. The cheating, the lying, the double life. You are the mistress, not the girlfriend. He cannot be your boyfriend while someone elses husband at the same ... (read in full...)
I'm tired of being his dirty little secret!
Q. Dear cupid me and my boyfriend have been dating for 2 years now and I still have not meet his family or his 10 year old son his wife passed away 6 months before we started dating everytime I ask him to meet his son he just tells me that he doesn't ...
A. 17 May 2015: Trust me, the chances are he has someone else. His behaviour is typical of a married man who is cheating on his wife. Communicate, get to the root of it and if you cant then PLEASE for your own sake move on. You will regret wasting your time one ... (read in full...)
I'm tired of being his dirty little secret!
Q. Dear cupid me and my boyfriend have been dating for 2 years now and I still have not meet his family or his 10 year old son his wife passed away 6 months before we started dating everytime I ask him to meet his son he just tells me that he doesn't ...
A. 14 May 2015: I reckon he may not be single in the sense that he may have another (official) girlfriend or partner. The fact that he has a specific day to come over says to me that he is living with a woman at the very least, and he probably makes some excuse to ... (read in full...)
How do you act when you your boyfriend and his ex will all be at a function?
Q. In a situation where you have to spend a reasonable amount of time at a function where both your partner and his ex are present, how do you handle it? Do you act like the ex is a stranger and only talk to them if they talk to you? Do you seek them ...
A. 13 May 2015: i wouldnt seek them out ever, just act as if they arent there. Believe me that is the best way. They might think you still have feelings for him still if you start talking to them. Just totally ignore them and pretend you havent seen them... (read in full...)
I now try to avoid her. Would it be wrong to ignore my co-worker when she says 'hi' to me at work?
Q. One of my co worker pointed out that I had put on weight in front of other 2 co workers that she works with on her overnight shifts. Then she was like ``Canadians don't want to be told ``with smile on her face. Then she had the nerve to ask me if I ...
A. 10 May 2015: you dont owe her anything, so if you dont wish to speak to her then dont.... Unless it is absolutely necessary (something work related). Apart from that ignore her existance. She knew what she was doing, she deliberately tried to embarrass you and ... (read in full...)
I am addicted to visiting prostitutes and it is taking over my life. How can I get over this addiction?
Q. I got used to using prostitutes about some 3 yrs ago and I'm so addicted to it. sometimes I visit brothels 3 times a week. I just finished my higher education going back to school so I could get my degree but ever since I got addicted to it. I just...
A. 4 May 2015: you go because they make you feel wanted and you keep going back because you feel empty afterwards. It is a vicious circle because feeling bad after a visit is making you go back so that you feel better, even if it is only for a short time. You ... (read in full...)
The smell of smokers is a turn-off for me. Was it wrong of me to reject her? What else could I do?
Q. I am a guy who doesn't seem to have problems attracting girls. I can't stand girls when they are drunk or smokers, also both because of the smell. The drunk ones are not an issue, as I tell them that when we meet, she should refrain from drinkin...
A. 4 May 2015: having grown up around a father who chain smoked, I hate the smell of cigarettes smoke and especially when it is on clothes, hair, breath and so on. In addition I am asthmatic and even a small amount of smoke irritates my chest. I avoid it as much ... (read in full...)
How can I get my 17 year old girlfriend to quit using drugs? How can I convince her that she shouldn't need multiple partners? People tell me to break up with her.
Q. Hello DC! I'm in a bit of a pickle right now with my girlfriend... My current girlfriend and I (let's call her A) have been dating off and on for about three months. I wish I could be consistent, but I caught her cheating with several boys the...
A. 4 May 2015: despite the age gap you are more mature than her and you need to let her go if possible. You are concerned about her drug use, could you possibly tell a family member (hers) or someone at school, they might be able to guide her? ... (read in full...)
Am I being paranoid? Or does my 55 year old Girlfriend have too many traits and behaviors of a chronic cheater?
Q. I'm 44 male and left my wife for a 55 year old hot lady. I've been married since 18 and rarely cheated, whereas she's been married 3 times and has 4 kids from 3 different men. She's cheated on all of them, been promiscuous, often having sex same ...
A. 4 May 2015: i think the most important part of this isnt about whether she is faithful or not, it is about the fact that you deserve better.... (read in full...)
I don't want people to ''find'' me and ''add'' me. Why are Social Networks so important to everyone? Can I decline gracefully at work?
Q. Why is everyone so obsessed with social media and networks. I've just started a new job and genuinely the first thing this girl said was do you have Facebook? I find it ridiculous that I should have to be 'friends' with people I don't want as ...
A. 3 May 2015: if you cant find the setting to change who can find you, just make it so that only friends of friends can add you. When i get nuisance friends requests, either from strangers or a-holes who I dont want to accept, I just leave them there without ... (read in full...)
I don't want people to ''find'' me and ''add'' me. Why are Social Networks so important to everyone? Can I decline gracefully at work?
Q. Why is everyone so obsessed with social media and networks. I've just started a new job and genuinely the first thing this girl said was do you have Facebook? I find it ridiculous that I should have to be 'friends' with people I don't want as ...
A. 2 May 2015: the first answer is spot on. Tell them yes but you never log in, change all your privacy settings. Make it so that people cant find you by searching your name, only friends of friends can add you, only friends/friends of friends can message you. ... (read in full...)
Should just leave it or ask my mother why she felt the need to say such a thing?
Q. I had my first child when I was 17 with my now ex boyfriend. Due to ill health my mother spent a lot of time looking after my child as I have epilepsy and found it hard to handle both at the time. As my mother couldn't take my epilepsy away bu...
A. 30 April 2015: I think you feel a bit guilty about your mum having to step in to help with the first baby and that is why you are sensitive to what she is saying. Clearly you are a good mum since you made sure you got settled with a good man and stepfather before ... (read in full...)
Will guys still want to date me, if I tell them I'll only go as far as oral sex?
Q. No, I'm not doing it for the sake of virginity, but to avoid pregnancy!!! I've heard so many horror stories from people, panicking for weeks because they were terrified that they or their partner was pregnant...I don't want to ever be in that kind ...
A. 24 April 2015: think about only having sex when in a relationship and then, using the contraceptive pill and condoms. Used correctly both will protect you properly... (read in full...)
Do you think I should stick with a guy who feels safe or give the new guy more of a chance?
Q. I feel very conflicted with my current situation and would love advice from anyone. I'm leaving in a few days to spend a week with my ex who lives in another state. Our relationship started when he lived near me and then he moved for a job. The d...
A. 24 April 2015: i would say give the new guy a chance. Exes are exes for a good reason and you have a better chance with the new guy who is eager and clearly likes you... (read in full...)
I"m on the pill but yet boyfriend is paranoid I'll get pregnant. How do I get him to relax?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half, and the first couple times we were intimate, I was not on birth control, and he refused to wear a condom. He told me to trust him, reassured me that I would not get pregnant, and promised ...
A. 10 April 2015: he sounds stupid. He wont pull out yet he thought that was more effective than you taking the pill, since he didnt worry then but now he does. Tell him to wear a condom or quit complaining.... (read in full...)
I'm 37 weeks pregnant and my Bf wants a threesome, He's already messaging the intended girl. Am I being paranoid? Or is this a red flag?.
Q. So my boyfriend of 7 years has asked for sex with another woman, I kind of understand, we are both our firsts and only. We found a woman about our age for a threesome. I am 37 weeks pregnant with our 3rd and she is fit, slender, and has more ...
A. 3 April 2015: i dont think you understand exactly what is wrong with all this. NONE of it is acceptable. The threesome, other woman, messaging, none of it. Shouldnt he and you be concentrating on your kids and the one to come? Why are you going along with his ... (read in full...)
Will a married man ever replace his long term mistress with the next best thing?
Q. I am here to ask a question to everyone but WITHOUT JUDGMENT or PREACHING. I know affair posts get everyone very worked up. But I am not here to be crucified. Just to get help. I want to know what you think the answer is. It will help me immensel...
A. 3 April 2015: yes he can and will replace his mistress as he feels like it, after all his mistress is disposeable and such a man doesnt have morals. I would suggest you stop wasting these precious years of your life on such a non runner and get online or out ... (read in full...)
How to overcome the sudden void left behind through my decision to have my very loved sick cat euthanized?
Q. Hi, I know this is not a relationship question or even a question but right now my world is just in ruins. I have decided to euthanize my baby cat. He was very sick and I did not have the money to make him better. I feel so guilty. I stayed with...
A. 26 March 2015: im very sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved cat. I am a cat lover and have 3 cats, I can only imagine how you feel right now. As the other posters have said, you did the right thing and you did it out of love because you saved your cat more ... (read in full...)
My partner puts his ex and a child that isn't his before our family and I'm feeling resentful about it!
Q. I'd like some advice on how to stop feeling so negative towards a child. I know im a horrible person for feeling this way, honestly you have no idea how low I'm feeling so I'm not looking for insults or negative comments regarding this, I'm coming ...
A. 21 March 2015: hi, I think I remember you writing in about this when your baby was first born. Sorry to see that the problem is ongoing and personally I can totally see why you are upset. Firstly, is your partner definitely not this girls father? Secondly are ... (read in full...)
How do I manage their conflicting expectations?
Q. I have been married for a year and I am still in school. My mother is still paying for my tuition and not my husband. My mother does not want me to get pregnant because she wants me to graduate then work to build my future so I can be comfortable. ...
A. 19 March 2015: your husband can help decide these things when he is able to pay for all your needs including your tuition. Your mom is paying for this so that you can have a more stable future, do not pass up this chance. You have loads of time to have a baby... (read in full...)
When can a lady have sex so that she doesn't get pregnant?
Q. Hello, three days ago, i had sex with mt Gf. after sex she feel pain in stomach and smell coming from urine and discharge flow from vagina and also condom was not used.after she also used unwanted 72(i pill),we both did sex before 3-4 times. due t...
A. 19 March 2015: it is good that you have come online to educate yourself about this. please find some information about contraception, so that you know better how to prevent pregnancy. Tisha has given you an excellent link to finding reliable information. Your ... (read in full...)
I feel so guilty ... but was I manipuated?
Q. hi guys, I am in desperate need of some advice. I just broke up with boyfriend of a year and a half last week. It was long distance with both of us making an effort to see each other when we could. I have a 7 years old daughter from a previous ...
A. 9 March 2015: it sounds like he is manipulative as he is blaming you for "giving him reasons to criticise you" but it is him who has the problem here, not you so dont blame yourself for a minute. Well done on getting the help you need with the anxiety, I know ... (read in full...)
I feellike I am his Mum, not his girlfriend!
Q. My boyfriend has always been trouble, but I kind of liked it in the beginning. I guess I have grown up where as he hasn't. I like staying in on a weekend or having friends over for dinner but he says I'm boring if I do that and not to expect him to ...
A. 7 March 2015: i agree with the others, you have to leave him for your own good. You have done nothing wrong here and you will be doing nothing wrong by leaving him. You will end up in more debt and you will find it harder to leave if you wait much longer. He ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my friend that she may get fired?
Q. I know how crazy this question may sound. Off course I should, right? Only, she’s unable to hear anything bad in general and especially right now. She’s been prolonging her sick leave for over a month (we live in a European country where th...
A. 4 March 2015: ok from your update it sounds as though she should be on medication all the time, she currently cant cope without it at all but obviously there isnt anything you can do about that. You have done all you can do basically. Yes tell her what you plan ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my friend that she may get fired?
Q. I know how crazy this question may sound. Off course I should, right? Only, she’s unable to hear anything bad in general and especially right now. She’s been prolonging her sick leave for over a month (we live in a European country where th...
A. 3 March 2015: it sounds as though your friend really is struggling with depression or a similar issue. The fact that she only takes her medication from time to time will not help this. She needs to take the antidepressants/tranquilisers consistently for a period ... (read in full...)
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