Like what
she writes?
... Add *o_Very_Confused to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *o_Very_Confused a private message | | *o_Very_Confused's Ratings | |
| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
|
| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
|
Do I ask him the hard questions or do I wait?
Q. I've been seeing my boyfriend for almost a year. I know he cares for me. I've seen his reactions (concern and almost fear of losing me) when he thinks I'm upset about something. He said he loves me (once)and I believe it. After a recent ...
A. 16 August 2011: I would not ask him how he thinks he shows he cares. I would TELL him what YOU NEED to know he cares... It's hard. and it's a fine line. What do YOU need to know he cares... food, shelter, money, attention???
How do I know my man cares? ... (read in full...)
Do I ask him the hard questions or do I wait?
Q. I've been seeing my boyfriend for almost a year. I know he cares for me. I've seen his reactions (concern and almost fear of losing me) when he thinks I'm upset about something. He said he loves me (once)and I believe it. After a recent ...
A. 15 August 2011: My BF cannot CANNOT say I love you... he once said "I love you too" to me but I had not said "I love you"... I KNOW he loves me. He's told me I'm his number one no matter what.. he SHOWS me he loves me. I've told him I need to hear it now and ... (read in full...)
How can I get him to climax faster?
Q. I love my boyfriend very much and dont want to offend him but he takes a very long time to reach orgasm... can anyone give me advice on making him climaz quicker? thanks ...
A. 15 August 2011: have you told him that you are ready for him to finish?
my bf has incredible control and I have learned that normally I have to tell him I'm ready for him to be done.... then he allows himself to climax... (read in full...)
Why is he asking me this question?
Q. A quick question for everyone. I have a school age daughter who has learning disabilities and needs extra lessons at home. Why would my married male friend ask me if I have to stay with her when she has her lessons? Why would he be interested in...
A. 15 August 2011: it could be a zillion reasons.
next time he asks you ask him back "why do you want to know?" that should get you the answer you need... (read in full...)
Should I get a sex partner for my fiancee?
Q. My bf is no longer attracted to me since weve had children. I gained 70 lbs with the first but nothing with the second. They are 15 months apart and our second was born 3 months ago. I have horrible stretchmarks. Worse than anyone ive ever seen. I ...
A. 15 August 2011: Perhaps it's more because YOU don't feel attractive that he's acting the way he is? 70 pounds is a lot but then so is having 2 babies 15 months apart you have essentially spent the last 2 years pregnant..
He loves you and the children... (read in full...)
How can I deal with this online guy who seems to want nothing but sex?
Q. Okay so I met this guy online through a dating site, he seemed nice but never really spoke about himself much, which always bothered me, then we chatted online with web cam but he wouldn't let me hear his voice at first, later he told me he doesn't ...
A. 15 August 2011: "He makes me feel sorry for him."
of course he does... that's his point.... he figures eventually you will give in to his demands. he's playing you... if you tell him NO and he says sorry but keeps going back to what HE wants he's NOT respecti... (read in full...)
Why does he want a trial marriage if we have already been G/f and B/f for two years already?
Q. I was out to dinner with my boyfriend tonight and I asked him what his reservations are about getting married. He told me that he wanted to live together first because he wanted a trial run to see if we were compatible. I feel after two years he s...
A. 15 August 2011: I agree that it's big red flags that he is not willing to commit a deposit to moving in together and he keeps moving the marriage date farther down the road....... (read in full...)
How can I deal with this online guy who seems to want nothing but sex?
Q. Okay so I met this guy online through a dating site, he seemed nice but never really spoke about himself much, which always bothered me, then we chatted online with web cam but he wouldn't let me hear his voice at first, later he told me he doesn't ...
A. 14 August 2011: you should tell him that you do not and will not discuss sexual things with him and then stick to that so that when he goes back to it (and he will because i'm betting that is all he wants) end the conversation till the next time. he will either... (read in full...)
I really don't want to be with somebody who treats me like this but am shocked and numb!
Q. My boyfriend of 2 years and I are 35. When we dont agree on things I prefer to agree to differ but he gets verbally abusive and swears and calls me a f*ing idiot. I find that so offensive. None of his family swear. He gets angry when he dr...
A. 14 August 2011: OK so list the pros and cons of being with him... My boyfriend has a temper much like your BF and we are talking of going to couples counseling mostly to work on our communication. WE know we love each other we know we are good together but wha... (read in full...)
Why does he want a trial marriage if we have already been G/f and B/f for two years already?
Q. I was out to dinner with my boyfriend tonight and I asked him what his reservations are about getting married. He told me that he wanted to live together first because he wanted a trial run to see if we were compatible. I feel after two years he s...
A. 14 August 2011: when you live together unless you are living exactly the way you will when married (combined finances etc) it's not really a trial. I know a couple that lived together for years as a married couple without the piece of paper they even owned a ... (read in full...)
I love older women .i want to have sex with one but HOW do I interest one?
Q. I'm attracted to older women.. ok so i'm 19 yrs old and i love older women..like i think they are so hot..my friends make fun of me but i tell them the truth ..i just love them like i want to have sex with one..but I don't know how to get one inte...
A. 14 August 2011: cougarlife.com but i gotta ask (as an older woman) WHAT is it about them that you like... it seems rather generic you just want to boink one.... don't care if you actually like her brain or anything. and what age are you defining as old... (read in full...)
I hear my parents arguing about sex and it's grossing me out!
Q. Hello all. This is not really a question regarding myself beyond the fact beyond that the situation is seriously traumatizing me and really, starting to piss me off. My mom went through menopause 5 years ago and apparently, no longer posses...
A. 14 August 2011: Mom needs to go see the GYN and get this fixed. my grandparents were having sex well into their 80s a sex life is healthy at any age... and I agree mom is being a drama queen.... i'm in peri-menopause now (not quite done) and I per... (read in full...)
She's surrounded by men in the workplace -- might she feel some attraction?
Q. My question is this. I've wondered about someone I work with and since I cant read minds dont really know what she thinks. If you are an attractive married woman, working in large open plan office, with many people working, and your job require...
A. 13 August 2011: Work is work and people are people. Boring Attractive men vs boring attractive women vs ugly but interesting people? it's just PEOPLE.
I"m like this woman you speak of however, I talk to everyone, I'm friendly I'm open and I enjoy people? ... (read in full...)
It started well. All of a sudden he just wanted sex and nothing more. How do I get him more interested in me as his Gf?.
Q. hi people what is going on here im so confused and i really need your help i met a man at the beginning of the year called Z we dated for 9 weeks when we met then all of a sudden he just wanted sex and nothing more. he was with someone for years and ...
A. 13 August 2011: my bf never texts me kisses or hugs
he never says he loves me
we currently live 90 miles apart and he sees me every chance he gets...
he does not call me sexy or babe but I know where i stand with him...
my point? this man that you WANT to... (read in full...)
How would I get my husband to admit that he is gay?
Q. How might a woman know for sure if her husband is gay? And, if so, how does she get him to admit it? Anybody know the "tell-tell" signs? And, I love him, but honestly believe he is gay.. maybe he hasn't come to terms with it himself yet. HEL...
A. 13 August 2011: what will happen if he is gay? will you divorce? or will you continue to live together and make a life together? Perhaps he is bisexual?
do you want out of the marriage?
what's your motivation in forcing him to address an issue he is not ... (read in full...)
I missed a payment, I'm in tears I'm so worried.
Q. im very worried as im in an iva which ive been paying 3 years and in july missed a payment because my sisters had extreme cancer and her work stopped her pay so i helped her out. i didnt know what else to do but now the iva place has emailed me ...
A. 13 August 2011: tell them the truth! tell them when you will make it up. do it right away... it will be ok... ... (read in full...)
My married lover destroyed my life!
Q. hi, i am single and had an affair with a married man. I managed to hack his mail ID and found he has chatted and flirted with many young girls. saying 'i love you' and all. he's definitely playing with innocent lives. I know his daughter's mail ID. ...
A. 13 August 2011: I'm sorry but the only person that is destroying your life is you. IF you did not know he was married before you embarked on your affair then he lied and manipulated you but what you do NOW is your choice.
YOU HACKED his account (that's agai... (read in full...)
How do I find out if this beautiful cashier at Target has a boyfriend?
Q. Hi everyone. I posted it yesterday but did not get a single reply. Help me out here please. It is long but it is interesting. Please give me 5 minutes. It is the 6th month in USA. I guess I have done good in the new country. Have a job, doing c...
A. 13 August 2011: stop hating yourself for your race.... this is self hate not what others think.... if you are in very different parts of the store then go for it.
Have fun... best of luck... (read in full...)
In a FWB relationship, fallen in love and I know he doesn't feel the same
Q. ive fallen in love with my fwb but i can,t tell him as i know he doesnt feel the same what do i do i can,t stop seeing him it will hurt to much thank you ...
A. 12 August 2011: and yet staying with him will hurt too...
which will hurt worse?
which will hurt longer?
is there any chance you can tell him?
i thought my FWB did not feel the same about me... turned out he did... and we are together now (it's a rari... (read in full...)
I thought that I wanted my lover and it was right to leave my husband but now the reality is setting I am not so sure.....
Q. Ok this is very difficult and I please ask you not to judge me, as I have seen many people in my situation torn to peices over subjects such as this. I know this is wrong, a mistake, and I am a bad person everything like that. I dont like myself for ...
A. 12 August 2011: I just lost over 130 pounds I was a former 300 pound 5'2" size 26 american girl... super morbidly obese. My marriage did NOT survive my weight loss... I let my husband leave me for a man I was with... He knew about it I was open and honest... now ... (read in full...)
How do I find out if this beautiful cashier at Target has a boyfriend?
Q. Hi everyone. I posted it yesterday but did not get a single reply. Help me out here please. It is long but it is interesting. Please give me 5 minutes. It is the 6th month in USA. I guess I have done good in the new country. Have a job, doing c...
A. 12 August 2011: it's not a good idea to date people you work with...
however if you feel you must you just ask her....... (read in full...)
I don't want my fiance having strippers at his party!
Q. Tomorrow night will be my bachelorette party and my fiance will be having his bachelor party. We are having two separate parties and I would like him to come home that night. He refuses. Our mutual friend who isn't going to his told me that there ...
A. 12 August 2011: It's a bit late to be negotiating this now.
You told him you don't like it and want him to come home and he refused.... what does that say to you?
personally I think showing up and picking him up is too mother like
... (read in full...)
What body type do ladies find attractive?
Q. Everyone will have a different answer, I know, but... what type of body do you girls like in an 18 year old lad? As in skinny, slim and toned, bulky or lots of softness? I'm doing a bit of weight training to get biger and just wondered what people ...
A. 12 August 2011: you do realize that everyone finds something else attractive.
I do not like uber skinny or very muscled guys. Other women want that body builder look... there is no set look that folks like... (read in full...)
Do guys mean it if they say they love you back?
Q. If you tell a guy you love him amd he says back' I love you too' does he mean it? or do some guys just say it for the sake of it? I told my BF this, and he said he loves me to, but I;m not sure how to take it. Do I take it he means it? or else he ...
A. 12 August 2011: listen to his actions then.
my man cannot say I love you to me... when i tell him I love him he says "thank you"
RARELY he will say "I love you" and NEVER at a romantic time... so when he does say it I so appreciate it.
BU... (read in full...)
My boyfriend moved out, but he's still wearing the ring I gave him! What does this mean?
Q. hi i need help me and my boyfriend split up a few days ago and hes moved out i saw him today and he still has his ring on that i gacve him on our first valentines ady basically its a wedding ring, as he got me an engagement ring, plus he still has a ...
A. 12 August 2011: ah yes if you have a child that is different.
but you need to let this go.... really in the span of life what he chooses to wear on his wedding ring finger is his choice if you are not a couple.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend moved out, but he's still wearing the ring I gave him! What does this mean?
Q. hi i need help me and my boyfriend split up a few days ago and hes moved out i saw him today and he still has his ring on that i gacve him on our first valentines ady basically its a wedding ring, as he got me an engagement ring, plus he still has a ...
A. 12 August 2011: if you broke up how do you know all these things... why are you talking to him why are you seeing what's in his car?
do you want to be broken up or are you hoping to get back together...
if it bothers you that much tell him to ice his hand and... (read in full...)
I found a dildo in my boyfriend's dresser and I don't know if he's cheating or using it on himself?
Q. hello everyone:) I'm alone in the dark and don't really know who to ask about this, I'm sort of embarrassed not going to lie.. and very confused! My bf and I have been together for 9 years, we don't live together. Recently well just about a mon...
A. 12 August 2011: ask him. if you are close enough to be having sex you are close enough to ask.
my bf likes anal stimulation and is not gay... many men do... it's not a crime or a kink... it is what it is.... (read in full...)
First-timer wants to play safe
Q. hello i need help im about to have my first anal intercourse with someone who i met online and is 10 years older than me he says hes clean but he told me stories about how he lost his virginity and what he likes to do and by the looks of it he ...
A. 12 August 2011: why do you want to have anal intercourse with a man you do not know who seems dirty? and FISTING? ummm seems a bit extreme at this point.
precum can spread disease
the only way to tell is to have blood work
stay clean wait six months and ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend had sex with a girl when we broke up for only 2 days!
Q. I just found out that my boyfriend went and had sex with a girl once when we broke up for only 2 days. Technically he didn't cheat but it feels like it. He never told me, I had to find out from another person months later. He told me he regretted it ...
A. 12 August 2011: you were broken up he did not cheat on you and owes you no explanation for something he did while you were not a couple.
IF you can't trust him and get past it then as a favor to him let him go...... (read in full...)
I'm attracted to men my own age but older women as well. Why?
Q. What is wrong with me? I think I may be a bisexual, but that's not where the problem ends. I am attracted to men my own age which is fine, however I also find myself attracted to females much older than me and I don't understand why. I am not sure ...
A. 12 August 2011: Nothing is wrong with you... it's just what you prefer
I prefer women my age but younger men GO figure.
... (read in full...)
I want my wife to get her mojo back
Q. I have been married for 21yrs and sex is a touchy subject now. My wife has lost her mojo and I want her to get it back. How can i go about this. I am so depressed and thinking of looking outside the box, but know this will lead to trouble but Im so ...
A. 12 August 2011: has your wife had a physical work up or seen her gyn?
I'm 51 and my sex drive is stronger now than in my 20s that's for sure...
if by mojo you mean no sex... what are you doing to woo her to the bed? romance? cuddling? talking? walks? ... (read in full...)
I told my partner that she smells awful down there and she won't let me go anywhere near her intimately, she is paranoid and her confidence ruined.
Q. I've done a terrible thing. I have been seeing a girl for around a month and been going out with her for about two weeks. We had a shaky start to the relationship but since then things have been going great. We have been enjoying a great sex l...
A. 12 August 2011: Everyone is so quick to scream STD.. please.
Our bodies react to each other. I never had any odor problem with other partners but with my current partner he gets me so worked up I find myself offensive... He has mentioned that this has been a p... (read in full...)
Am I being selfish in expecting him to come away for weekends without his elderly mother?
Q. Hi there I could really use some advice here. I have just turned 40 with 2 grown up children. I was single up until 3 months ago when i met this nice man. To give a bit of his background, 3 years ago he split up with the mother of his child, at th...
A. 12 August 2011: 70 is not that old unless she is ill. my dad is nearly 77 and he plays golf and travels extensively... 70 in this day and age is young...
sounds like an excuse to be emotionally and physically intimate to me. I do not think you are being un... (read in full...)
My inexperienced boyfriend has a small penis. How do I improve our sex life? HELP
Q. Hello, aunts and uncles. Any advice or suggestions is well appreciated. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a few months. We have been becoming increasingly more intimate over the past few weeks. He is 21 and was, until tonight, a virgi...
A. 12 August 2011: give it time.. he was nervous and it will improve. I prefer a slightly smaller guy because he can thrust harder and deeper and not "hit bottom"... (read in full...)
Will my penis still grow at 19?
Q. This is a pretty embarrassing question but can my penis still grow at 19? I just turned 19 and my penis is exactly 5 inches. I know that is somewhat average, but it just feels really small to me. I've read a lot of studies and statistics and MOST ...
A. 11 August 2011: My BF has an "average" penis.. I've been with larger men but never smaller men... and to be honest his is PERFECT.. It never "hits bottom" and hurts me... it never is so wide that I need too much lube....
why does everyone think bigger... (read in full...)
My boyfriend moved out, but he's still wearing the ring I gave him! What does this mean?
Q. hi i need help me and my boyfriend split up a few days ago and hes moved out i saw him today and he still has his ring on that i gacve him on our first valentines ady basically its a wedding ring, as he got me an engagement ring, plus he still has a ...
A. 11 August 2011: maybe he just likes the ring?... (read in full...)
Can an 18 year old student consent to sex with a professor in Canada?
Q. What are the age of consent laws in Ontario, Canada regarding having sex with someone in a position of authority? Can an 18 year old student consent to sex with a 27 year old professor?...
A. 11 August 2011: IF 18 is the legal age (as it is here for sexual consent here in the states) then LEGALLY it's ok.
It's the moral implications of someone in a position of power having sex with someone they can control.
IF the 18 yr old and the professor (s... (read in full...)
Not where I want to be in life. Should I wait to date?
Q. Hi, There is much wisdom here, so I was wondering if I could get some feedback on my situation. I am not where I want to be in life. I do not make enough money, and am not sure about my career. Because of this situation, for years I have held...
A. 11 August 2011: IF we wait to do things till things are perfect very few things would ever get done...
If I had waited to have babies till life was perfect, I'd be childless... If I had waited for life to be perfect I would not have gotten the job I started ... (read in full...)
Could I only be considered beautiful if I were white?
Q. Is white beauty the 'ideal'? I'm brown skinned, black haired asian female and I'm getting a bit disillusioned about being brown. Blonde hair, thin lips, blue eyes and all that is meant to be the 'ideal' of beauty and quite frankly without gouging ...
A. 11 August 2011: my BF prefers darker skinned Asian women as his ideal...so for him you are more beautiful than I am... ... (read in full...)
Can I get some sort of camera to watch my ex with our baby?
Q. ok before i ask for help i want to make it very clear i am not a nutter pretty much me and my bf are not together any more and we have a newborn baby now he want's to take the baby but i don't want him to have it in saying that i don't want to be a ...
A. 11 August 2011: if you don't trust him to see the baby alone what are your reasons?
IF you have valid reasons (he's an alcoholic or drug addict or has prior situations of child endangerment) perhaps you can have the courts intervene...... (read in full...)
Insecure about his definition of cheating.....
Q. I'm very interested to know from men how they perceive this man's logic, but also to hear in general from anybody his/her thoughts on this. The other day I spoke with my one year bf and he told me about his ex's. I asked him if he was cheating...
A. 11 August 2011: Sorry I disagree with his definition. I define cheating as ANYTHING you can't won't or DON'T tell your partner...
secrets are what kill relationships....
granted I would be inclined to accept a NSA sexual contact with someone way faster t... (read in full...)
Do I display behavior of a sex addict?
Q. I've had 17 partners. I had oral sex with most of them. I had sex with 2 of them. I love watching porn but have stopped. I masturbate like 3-4 times a week (but masturbate 2 times those days) I like the idea of fantasy. I like looking at ...
A. 11 August 2011: I don't think you are a sex addict. I think you like being close and physical. that does not make you an addict...... (read in full...)
| *o_Very_Confused's friends
These are mutual friends, so *o_Very_Confused has
added them and they have added *o_Very_Confused!
|
