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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Do women look too ?
Q. A question that will ignite a debate, we men although may have the most beautiful wife/girlfriend but we keep on looking at other women, we don't get enough! although we may be having the best woman...Are women like us in nature, do they look at men ...
A. 26 July 2011: are you saying that if you see an attractive woman you want to have sex with her is that what you mean by fancy her?
I often say to my friends (or BF even) "can I put him/her on my TO-DO list???" it's a tongue in cheek way of saying I think so... (read in full...)
My boyfriend earns more than me, should he pay for more once we buy a house together?
Q. Hi. I have just had an interesting conversation with my colleague. I am about to buy a house with my bf of 18 months. He has fronted the 10% deposit for the house as he has managed to save really well over the last couple of years whereas I am c**p ...
A. 26 July 2011: "we have only been togther 18 months and whilst buying a house is a massive committment that we are both committed to, in other areas maybe we are holding back slightly and that is ok."
Oh dear.... I have been together less than 9 months with ... (read in full...)
Should I avoid going to his house?
Q. I got invited on a date with this guy and I'm meeting him at his house. He said we could have some fun and I put my foot down, he said he wouldn't try to make me do anything I didn't wanna do. He says he doesn't want anything serious and only a bit ...
A. 26 July 2011: I would not go... always trust your gut feelings.
he's going to try to get you to do stuff
if he asks you again what you will do if he puts your hand on his crotch tell him you will squeeze like you are wringing out a sponge and not stop ti... (read in full...)
Any ideas on what tricks I can do, to teach my new puppy?
Q. I am getting me a Boston Terrier it is a female what kind of things can you teach a puppy? I have had cats so i am not use to having a puppy of my own. so i need some ideas on what to teach my puppy. so if you know of any ideas please let me know ...
A. 26 July 2011: I would suggest puppy kindergarten until age 6 months then take a dog training class which is more to train you to train the dog than train the dog...
dog needs to learn sit, down, (lay down) OFF (4 on the floor) STAY (critical) or wait, C... (read in full...)
I don't like sex, people think thats a bad thing
Q. Hello, I am an 18 year old female and I dont like the thought of sex, at all. I think its repulsive and gross. I am still a virgin and perfectly okay with it. I dont see how its can be enjoyable or pleasurable for anyone. I have not been ...
A. 26 July 2011: will you promise to get back to me about this after you meet someone and fall in love....... (read in full...)
Have you ever left someone even though you loved them deeply, since you just had different beliefs?
Q. I come from a big family. We were very close but I feel a little far from them now. My boyfriend was an only child. There is a birthday at least every 2 months in the family, and especially if it's the kids we like to have a party. There are also...
A. 25 July 2011: he's the disrespectful one..
he's manipulating and playing you
he's asking you to pick him or your family...
the person who asks for a choice.... is the loser...... (read in full...)
I hate my in-laws! What should I do?
Q. OK. This question is for anyone who has in law problems. I can't stand my in laws!!! They have never been really nice people . I'd love it if we never had to see them again! But that's not an option. Despite the problems with them, my hubby won't ...
A. 25 July 2011: are they good to the baby? let your hubby take the baby to see the grandparents and you stay home if you feel that strongly.... (read in full...)
What gives women the right to judge men for having been to prostitutes?
Q. Every time a man complains about a woman's sexual past he gets told he has no right to talk about it. But a lot of women will judge a man if they hear that he has slept with a prostitute. It's hypocrisy. If the past can't be held against one ...
A. 25 July 2011: so we are comparing women who have had FWB relationships and other relationships that THEY DID NOT HAVE TO PAY for
to men PAYING WOMEN to have SEX?
personally I can't see the comparison.
now you can compare women sleeping with ... (read in full...)
Do women look too ?
Q. A question that will ignite a debate, we men although may have the most beautiful wife/girlfriend but we keep on looking at other women, we don't get enough! although we may be having the best woman...Are women like us in nature, do they look at men ...
A. 25 July 2011: I do.
I also window shop and don't buy things...
I'm in a committed relationship NOT DEAD... (read in full...)
Trying to pass off another man's child as my husbands....Is this really such a big deal?
Q. I have been married for 2 months, but pregnant with another man's baby. i dated by husband for 3 years, but he really treated me badly for a while. I fell pregant by him and he "forced", me to abort, which i regreted.I resorted to cheating on him ...
A. 25 July 2011: in the united states many states adhere to the Lord Mansfield rule that says the husband of the mother is the legal father of the baby.
that being said, it's an awfully big lie to live with forever and ever...... (read in full...)
I took the coat to her, so surely she should be the one to travel to return it to me?
Q. I am hoping you could give me some objectivity here. You see my gf and I broke up a few months ago. It was an ugly break up. A lot of wounds. Still, there is anger and resentment on both sides. Now, while we were dating I lent her an expensive coa...
A. 25 July 2011: if you want the coat, then be GRATEFUL she is offering to meet you halfway!... (read in full...)
My boyfriend earns more than me, should he pay for more once we buy a house together?
Q. Hi. I have just had an interesting conversation with my colleague. I am about to buy a house with my bf of 18 months. He has fronted the 10% deposit for the house as he has managed to save really well over the last couple of years whereas I am c**p ...
A. 25 July 2011: You have an interesting question... should you pay 50% or should you pay a percentage relative to your salary? I'm going to tell you that I make about 23k more than my boyfriend but since he is putting the down payment on a house we are going to ... (read in full...)
Is sexy an attitude or a physique? Can fat women be found desirable and sexy?
Q. I have a question for the guys: Can a fat girl be sexy and desirable? Being overweight, I have always seemed to have a hard time finding a partner that was attracted to me in a healthy way. What I mean is that it seems guys tend to fall in the e...
A. 25 July 2011: ATTITUDE totally! At 300 pounds and a size 26 I thought I was all that and a bag of chips and therefore I was... I had all the men I wanted and a loving husband. I lost a lot of weight and was thin but had terrible saggy skin and felt ugl... (read in full...)
He's a virgin and I'm not
Q. Hello all! Hope you are doing well. Got a bit of a connundrum to deal with today and any help is appreciated. What does one do when they are more sexually experienced than their partner? My boyfriend is a virgin. I am not. We haven't had a se...
A. 25 July 2011: I can relate to your concerns as I was not a virgin for several of my early partners... and yet it never bothered me or concerned me. I did not think less of myself for enjoying my sexuality. OF course it was the mid 70s when there was no AID... (read in full...)
He wants to have sex with me, but not have to look at me or kiss me, what is his deal?
Q. Dear all, he wants to have sex with me but he does not want to kiss me! I fell ?in love with a guy I met for a month in a hall i was staying for a short visit. He is 29 and I am 30 years old. He initiated the friendship; he used to come and watch TV ...
A. 24 July 2011: Personally the only men that want to have sex with me but don't kiss me are men that don't love me...
kissing is the most intimate thing you can do... ... (read in full...)
Should I show my boobs to my online boyfriend?
Q. hi i am of 18old .i have a small doubt can i be romantic with my boyfriend? when we generally talk each other in video chat,at that time he asked me to show my boobs(chest without bra and anthing like that) i want to know can i show him what he h...
A. 24 July 2011: No you may not.
you should not
NO! not a good idea... ... (read in full...)
Why can't a man take me further than my bed?
Q. Just because I have huge boobs, a small waist and so I have been told a pretty face, can't a man take me further than my bed????I want a partner not just sex.What is their problem or is it mine????...
A. 24 July 2011: YOUR problem. You are allowing them to take you only to bed...
Demand better to receive better...... (read in full...)
Does saying "I love you" lose it's meaning if you say it a lot?
Q. Hey, does saying "i love you" lose it's meaning if you say it too much? I'm asking 'cos i've been with my bf for 10 months. He told me he loved me after about 6 weeks. For me, it felt too soon, but by 3 months, I felt I really did love him and told ...
A. 23 July 2011: while it does not lose it's meaning... if you hear it all the time you may take it for granted.
I am with a man now who rarely says it... when he does it means so much more to me than it has in any other relationship.... (read in full...)
How can I feel sexy again? The guy I was seeing doesn't seem interested anymore.
Q. Hi... Lately I've felt tired all the time, and I feel really sensitive about my body. I feel fat. I feel as though the man I was seeing has lost interest in me because I'm not sexy anymore. He rarely texts me unless he wants a favour. And when...
A. 22 July 2011: "Lately I've felt tired all the time, and I feel really sensitive about my body." have you had a medical work up? could you be depressed? if the boy you like and consider your boyfriend is dissing you and only calling for favors then he's... (read in full...)
Movement in my stomach, What could be causing this?
Q. Okay I am VERY sure I am not pregnant. About 11-12 weeks ago I had sex. Anal none the less. It was 3 days after i started a new pack of the pill (which i have been on for over a year now) Off and on I feel movement in my stomach...I am n...
A. 22 July 2011: probably gas... i get that sometimes and I laugh about the fact that it really does feel like it did when the baby kicked... but even at 11-12 weeks out a first time mom probably won't realize it's the baby at first.... (read in full...)
At the end of his trip he stopped contacting me and it has carried on now he is back! Should I start snooping to find out what is going on? Or wait for him to tell me?
Q. I want opinions, if you went away on a trip and your bf talked to you everyday during the trip and before the trip you either saw your bf or talked to him everyday. Then a couple of days before your trip ended he stopped calling texted very little. ...
A. 22 July 2011: I would ask him what's going on. Do not snoop. If his answer does not satisfy you... then hold off on the engagement.. It may be nothing or maybe he met someone else... he may not tell you if he did and if he does not have a plausible answer as ... (read in full...)
I'm not fully aroused during intercourse, is there something wrong with me?
Q. HELP! I'm getting really close to a fantastic girl, we really like eachother but there's a problem.... I'm not confident... I've been sexually active for a while now but have Only had full sexual intercourse twice with 2 different girls......
A. 22 July 2011: "Yes during masturbation I am always totally erect. Just never with a girl."
two thoughts
1. could you be gay?
2. perhaps you don't like these girls enough to fully commit to them
and again... maybe it's just that you are NOT... (read in full...)
Not sure about my LD relationship anymore! there is another guy!
Q. Well, this is kind of complicated.. and I could use some advice please.. I haven't told anyone about how I'm feeling and I think I just need to tell someone and get some help. Basically, I met a guy on the internet in February we started going ou...
A. 22 July 2011: if you are even interested in someone else you need to consider that the LDR is not going to work.
LDRs are hard even in the best of circumstances (mine for example where we have the ability to see each other regularly and have planned an end date... (read in full...)
I'm not fully aroused during intercourse, is there something wrong with me?
Q. HELP! I'm getting really close to a fantastic girl, we really like eachother but there's a problem.... I'm not confident... I've been sexually active for a while now but have Only had full sexual intercourse twice with 2 different girls......
A. 22 July 2011: I was sexually active at your age so I won't do the POT.KETTLE.BLACK. thing to you....
perhaps the fact that you can't become fully aroused or enjoy the act means you aren't ready for this activity yet??
I know that what I thought was GREAT ... (read in full...)
3 questions about lingerie...
Q. Sooooo today I went shopping with my best female friend. She convinced me to buy some lingerie, it's a corset like thing, red with black lace, very sexy. It wasn't for a guy or anything, I am single, but it was just for me, ya know? I didn't have ...
A. 22 July 2011: do you have an open enough relationship with mum to show her? My daughter showed me hers... and the vibrator she got a friend over 18 to buy for her... I was not shocked or horrified.
when you can afford the knickers go get them I always lik... (read in full...)
What is the average amount of sex to have per week?
Q. Hi Guys, What is an average amount of sex to have per week? My boyfriend and I have lived together for a year and have sex once every 1-1.5 weeks. I feel like this isn't enough but maybe I'm the one with high hopes and will always be disapp...
A. 22 July 2011: neither of you are wrong in how you feel about how often you want sex but his "i'm lazy get over it" sucks.
when you were dating you had sex every other day when you saw each other because you needed to maximize the time you had together... (read in full...)
Is it too much to expect the man who wants to marry me to treat me to a gift once-in-a-while?
Q. I’m trying to figure something out concerning my relationship with my boyfriend of two years. We don’t live in the same town and see each other at weekends. We get along well, he does housework, he cooks, he calls me in his lunch hour just to say h...
A. 22 July 2011: Your BF sounds like my first husband. No gifts ever. not even a card on my birthday or mother's day. It got worse after we married and I stayed home to raise our children and had no income. He would not give me money for anything. He told me "you ... (read in full...)
He disappeared after our second date...and I miss him so much I cry myself to sleep!
Q. I dated someone twice. Then, he disappeared - he didn't make contact with me after the second date. I haven't seen / heard from him for 2 weeks now. I'm disappointed and confused. I'm too embarrassed to call him because the last time we met (2nd...
A. 22 July 2011: oh dear... women feel so close after sex.. and he probably just used you for a booty call.
IF he calls you back DO NOT sleep with him... see if he keeps coming around... I fear it was a use and abuse kind of thing.. hit and run... not even FWB... (read in full...)
Should I break up with b/f? He says he cares about others but doesn't know how to show it
Q. Dear Cupid, I really need help to decide if I should break off with my LDR BF. We've been together for 3 months and it has been long distance 2 months ago. When I'm with him, everything is fine, except that he's quite self-centered. He tal...
A. 22 July 2011: my LDR boyfriend does not have Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) but he has poor social skills so we talk about it when something happens.
I am sorry you were in the hospital.
text messages are a hard way to communicate...
when he said "I don'... (read in full...)
I don't want to like big women anymore!
Q. Okay people, I have a serious problem, I like bigger girls, like huge girls, and even making them gain weight for my pleasure, for some reason I find them highly attractive, but I don't like this attraction, I am also afraid my family would ridicule ...
A. 21 July 2011: I'm sorry but that's a lousy reason to go against what you like...
if you were gay and your family didn't like that what would you do?
eventually you will not be under your family's control.
be true to yourself.... (read in full...)
We want to have sex but she is too dry! Help!
Q. I love my girl soo much which is tha same case with her.. Bt the problem is she is a "virgin".. Every time we try having sex she gets dry and it becomes difficult for me.. Help help? Or should i use a condom for lubrication??...
A. 20 July 2011: sounds like she's scared or you are too rough or too large
again LUBE is your friend..... (read in full...)
I feel like I am a bad partner because I lack a sex drive!
Q. my last question was about shemale porn and my husband, and I had wonderful replies so I am back. my new issue is my lack in the bedroom. I got that one of the reasons that he watched (or is still watching, I don't know anymore) the shemale porn was ...
A. 20 July 2011: discuss changing BCP with your doctor and explain why... it's not anything to be ashamed of.
maybe watching porn with him will make a difference too....
... (read in full...)
We want to have sex but she is too dry! Help!
Q. I love my girl soo much which is tha same case with her.. Bt the problem is she is a "virgin".. Every time we try having sex she gets dry and it becomes difficult for me.. Help help? Or should i use a condom for lubrication??...
A. 19 July 2011: you need LUBE for lubrication...
you need CONDOMS for safety.... always...until you are in a committed monogamous relationship and you have both had STD testing...
are you "prepping" her for sex with lots of foreplay?... (read in full...)
Husband says he didn't buy extras at a strip club, but he spent a lot of money.
Q. My husband went to a strip club (more than once) and spent alot of money. He says he had beers and a few dances, but no extras. I'm having a hard time believing his story, but don't want to end our 38 years of marriage, if he is telling the truth. ...
A. 19 July 2011: who knows my ex hubby and I used to drop HUNDREDS in the club without extras... tips at a dollar a tip can run up...... (read in full...)
If we are just "friends", why did she get all dressed up to go out with me?
Q. Dear Agony Aunts, I know this girl and I like her, but she said she just wants to be friends. I was heartbroken at first but then said to myself, I like her enough so why not just be friends. So we made an arrangement last week to see a movie...
A. 18 July 2011: Maybe she dressed for herself?
I Know that i tend to dress up... for example I'm on sick leave from work and today i had errands to run... hair done, contacts in, make up on in a cute summer dress with low heels... work suitable.. whereas ... (read in full...)
Does being bisexual exist in some people?
Q. Where can I start. Growing up I kinda found guys more attractive and going through puberty I liked looking at gay porn. I never looked a sexually things with women involved. There were times when i liked girls also. But I never been just fully ...
A. 17 July 2011: I am bisexual. I lean towards men more than women as partners but I am easily sexual with both. I do truly believe you can be bisexual or pansexual even... My boyfriend is more pansexual than not...
IF you like another male go for it... If... (read in full...)
I want to break up with this lying cheat, but what do I tell him?
Q. I've found out that my boyfriend is a lying cheat. However, I found this out by looking through his phone and now I don't know how to confront him because I don't want to reveal that I went behind his back!! What do I do?? Should I just tell him ...
A. 17 July 2011: you are giving us mixed messages. either you want to end it or you want to confront him and work it out.
if you want to end it you have gotten great advice already.
I truly like the "i need to end this because I don't trust you and I do not... (read in full...)
Please someone explain to me how I can let go, stop texting him and respect myself more?
Q. I am driving myself insane over my LDR on/off? thing. Basically, I met a guy from the army six months ago and fell for him. We decided to start a LDR. Last week he was on leave and came to stay with me for a few days. During this time I realised ...
A. 17 July 2011: sounds like you are mourning what 'could have been'
the loss of a pretend relationship... LDRs where you don't really know each other are good for that.. a relationship without having to deal with a man...
... (read in full...)
I've lost all my confidence in my oral skills!
Q. My bf says he finds oral relaxing rather than a turn on. He enjoys it, but his erection soon goes floppy once I start sucking him off. My ex's have told me I am very good at oral so I don't feel it's entirely my fault. Regardless, it makes me feel ...
A. 17 July 2011: have you asked him what he likes and how you could improve?
every man likes it a bit differently. you have to see what he likes..
I know I watch my man's face, and listen to his vocalizations and those usually coincide with his erection get... (read in full...)
After our 3rd date I gave her a kiss goodnight... Did I come on too strongly?
Q. I've just got back from my 3rd date with a girl I like. We've had 2 highly successful dates and this 3rd one appeared to be no acception. We talked, laughed and had a nice evening, just like the previous two dates. But tonight I wanted to slip in ...
A. 17 July 2011: a simple text or phone call saying "wanted to touch base before I go away on Holiday and say have a great week" sounds appropriate...
then let her be... go on holiday have a great time... see what's up when you get home....... (read in full...)
Would moving in with the in-laws be a recipe for disaster?
Q. Hi there, I'm currently stuck with a dilemna!!!!! I just recently got married (2months) and my father in law came to us and asked if we would maybe consider moving into their home to help take any extra strain on my mother in law, who is very sic...
A. 17 July 2011: agreed that he has to make sure you are comfortable.. is there a compromise you can come up with? move closer to them perhaps?... (read in full...)
My ex is sending me mixed signals and tells me he needs a few years to figure out if he wants to stay married to me!
Q. My husband and I split up because he couldn't handle a stressful situation that we had no control over..he just couldn't step up to the plate and give support when needed. Now the situation is over, it is two months since I moved out and the whole ...
A. 15 July 2011: I agree that you need to take back some control...
I think giving him a time frame to decide if you really want to let him do that is fine but I would say 90 days or so and after that YOU can file for divorce.
It's sad but if he can't support... (read in full...)
After our 3rd date I gave her a kiss goodnight... Did I come on too strongly?
Q. I've just got back from my 3rd date with a girl I like. We've had 2 highly successful dates and this 3rd one appeared to be no acception. We talked, laughed and had a nice evening, just like the previous two dates. But tonight I wanted to slip in ...
A. 15 July 2011: she is taking it slow.. do not crowd her... give her space...
sounds perfectly lovely and that she likes you..
I would say that texting is a sucky way to have a relationship as texts don't always go through on time or they get lost or forgotte... (read in full...)
After our 3rd date I gave her a kiss goodnight... Did I come on too strongly?
Q. I've just got back from my 3rd date with a girl I like. We've had 2 highly successful dates and this 3rd one appeared to be no acception. We talked, laughed and had a nice evening, just like the previous two dates. But tonight I wanted to slip in ...
A. 14 July 2011: sounds perfect to me..... (read in full...)
Would moving in with the in-laws be a recipe for disaster?
Q. Hi there, I'm currently stuck with a dilemna!!!!! I just recently got married (2months) and my father in law came to us and asked if we would maybe consider moving into their home to help take any extra strain on my mother in law, who is very sic...
A. 13 July 2011: will you have your own space... your own bedroom, your own bathroom your own sitting area? will meals be shared as a family... will you have a set space and time for aloneness?
Do you like your inlaws?
how does their son feel about this?
... (read in full...)
I don't want to like big women anymore!
Q. Okay people, I have a serious problem, I like bigger girls, like huge girls, and even making them gain weight for my pleasure, for some reason I find them highly attractive, but I don't like this attraction, I am also afraid my family would ridicule ...
A. 5 July 2011: you really can't change nature...what you are attracted to is what you are attracted to....... (read in full...)
I feel like I am a bad partner because I lack a sex drive!
Q. my last question was about shemale porn and my husband, and I had wonderful replies so I am back. my new issue is my lack in the bedroom. I got that one of the reasons that he watched (or is still watching, I don't know anymore) the shemale porn was ...
A. 1 July 2011: have you always had a lower drive or is this a new issue?... (read in full...)
I don't want to like big women anymore!
Q. Okay people, I have a serious problem, I like bigger girls, like huge girls, and even making them gain weight for my pleasure, for some reason I find them highly attractive, but I don't like this attraction, I am also afraid my family would ridicule ...
A. 29 June 2011: I am a former BBW I was a size 26/28 and I Had men after me all the time.
IF you prefer big girls then revel in it and enjoy it. There is nothing wrong with you having a preference...
it's like saying "I'm gay and I don't want to be"
... (read in full...)
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