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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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What's the best way to ask her dad's permission to date her?
Q. Quick question... Going to ask my hopefully soon to be girlfriends parents for permission to date her. Her mom likes me a lot, and so even though she's not *technically* allowed to date until shes 16 in a few months, considering the circumst...
A. 6 March 2012: Dads NEVER like boys that date their daughters...
glad it is working out.... (read in full...)
We want a baby. How can we when our sex life is kind of difficult?
Q. My fiance and I are trying to conceive a baby. however we are both little over weight and well...he is kind of small down there. I'm not very comfortable being on top, but everytime we have sex, his penis doesnt stay in. We both very much want...
A. 11 July 2011: SMO: super morbidly obese a medical term.... (read in full...)
Why marry someone when it seems sure you'll get a divorce?
Q. I can't trust my fiance. He constantly lies to me, breaks promises, and walks away from arguments and the relationship. We were planning on going through an LDR, but I'm not so sure anymore. Only a week or so ago, we went through a huge falling out, ...
A. 11 July 2011: I am in an LDR.. nearly 9 months now and so far so good BUT we are only 2 hours apart by car and are together more than we are apart AND as soon as we KNEW we were serious we made the plans to close the distance gap and hope by the end of the year ... (read in full...)
I don't know if I should just ask him if he's into me, wait for him to come around or just move on?
Q. So I have been seeing this guy now for just over two months...i know it may still be too early to tell but i have no clue if he is interested in me. We have only seen each other 3 times in 2 months. He texts me all the time but never actually calls. ...
A. 11 July 2011: he's telling you with his behavior how he feels about you. 3 dates in 2 months is not a lot... a man that is in to you wants to see you as often as he can...
if you ask him how he feels, you will put him on the spot and he may say what he think... (read in full...)
I don't wan't to leave my wife, but I have very strong feelings for this other woman. Is it possible to love two women and not hurt anyone?
Q. Hi everyone, I'm new to this site, but appreciate everyone's candor and returns on their experience. I am and have been happily married for 20 years now with my french wife in Paris. I love my wife, we are close and loving and I am proud ...
A. 11 July 2011: I did what RA suggested. I asked my hubby for permission to have an affair... he said yes.. I loved my husband and I liked my AP....
I was open and honest... eventually my perfectly fine but not well suited to me husband had ENOUGH and he left ... (read in full...)
We want a baby. How can we when our sex life is kind of difficult?
Q. My fiance and I are trying to conceive a baby. however we are both little over weight and well...he is kind of small down there. I'm not very comfortable being on top, but everytime we have sex, his penis doesnt stay in. We both very much want...
A. 11 July 2011: here are some websites that can help find workable sexual positions... when I was SMO married to an SMO man we had to be very very creative with sexual positions:
http:... (read in full...)
How can I gain his trust so he can say 'I love you?'. When it's painful to say "I love you" for a guy.
Q. I was hurt by something he said. He was referring to his last "love" who broke his heart and left him shattered. When I told him about how it made me feel he said that wasn't what he meant and that he does love me. It's been 8 months of excl...
A. 11 July 2011: I'd not be too upset.
I have a great boyfriend and he loves me very very much but he can't say it... he skirts around it.
I did tell him I loved him long before he told me he loved me and it wasn't an issue. he told me "I can't say I love... (read in full...)
My GF wants me to remove a tattoo from my chest which spells my late sister's name, because my ex had the same name, and my GF doesn't want to be reminded of my ex!
Q. My twin sister died a few years ago in a car accident. I was really affected by her death. She wasn't just my sister but my best friend. I got a tattoo of her name on my chest so that she'll always be next to my heart. I have been seeing a...
A. 11 July 2011: they don't even spell their name the same way? The GF is out of line. I'm sorry ... she's not being reasonable at all...... (read in full...)
How can I stop them calling me this nickname?
Q. Hello - can anyone help with this please? It may seem so stupid but..two of my boyfriend's female friends (who he has known for over 10 years and they are married to his best friends) have started calling me a nickname. It isn't a nasty one, just ...
A. 11 July 2011: So you mentioned it to your boyfriend but not to the two women that do this? How do you expect them to stop doing something they don't know you don't like?
And when they introduce you as Jo-Jo do you say to the other person "hi I prefer Samantha... (read in full...)
What do women think of past FWBs'? Does he fade from memory? Do you just fondly remember the great sex once in a while? Do you ever miss it?
Q. I'm curious what women think of men in their past who they had FWB relationships and how it compares to loves in their life. I've read here many times how women almost always prefer a loving relationship to just a sexual one, but when you finally ...
A. 11 July 2011: oh and to add to this...
I've been married 3 times and I am with a new man now (together almost 9 months) and he is the love of my life... I never compare him to old lovers/husbands.. He is my life now... my love my partner... he may not be t... (read in full...)
What do women think of past FWBs'? Does he fade from memory? Do you just fondly remember the great sex once in a while? Do you ever miss it?
Q. I'm curious what women think of men in their past who they had FWB relationships and how it compares to loves in their life. I've read here many times how women almost always prefer a loving relationship to just a sexual one, but when you finally ...
A. 11 July 2011: I think rarely to never of my former FWB... they are but a blip on my radar... I had one serious one and he was a former bf that just morphed into FWB... ... (read in full...)
Do relationships ever come out of FWB relationships?
Q. hi all do relationships ever come out of fuck buddys just wondering as me and this man are having sex and im really starting to fall for him i don,t want to tell him cos i don,t want to scare him off thanks everyone...
A. 10 July 2011: usually no nothing happens. if you are falling for him you either have to tell him or end it...
... (read in full...)
Does he like me even though we have a long distance relationship?
Q. Last year I spent my sophomore year at a boarding school in massachusetts where I met this guy who was then a senior. We took the same fitness class where he would always show some sort of interest in me, especially when most of my friends caught ...
A. 10 July 2011: if all you do is messaging like that then all it is is a flirtation. ... (read in full...)
I don't wan't to leave my wife, but I have very strong feelings for this other woman. Is it possible to love two women and not hurt anyone?
Q. Hi everyone, I'm new to this site, but appreciate everyone's candor and returns on their experience. I am and have been happily married for 20 years now with my french wife in Paris. I love my wife, we are close and loving and I am proud ...
A. 9 July 2011: The only way I would condone you having two women at the same time is if both of them know of the other and both consent to you having the relationships.
In other words.. NO LIES... no cheating...
... (read in full...)
I'm 15, and this 21 year old guy who has a GF in a long distance relationship, wants to have sex with me
Q. I am 15, and the man I am having issues with is almost 21. First off, he has a girlfriend. He is having a long distance relationship with her and he is a bit 'deprived', as some might call it. We started talking about 3 months ago and he always t...
A. 9 July 2011: please don't. it's not a good idea.
1. it will hurt you in the long run... make you sad
2. it will hurt his LD GF and that's not really your concern but there is a girl code... I could not hurt someone like that even if i didn't kno... (read in full...)
How do I help my bf through his divorce from his former wife?
Q. I am in a relationship and my boyfriend is still married. He is separated for over a year and going through with his divorce. I just need to know what I can do to help him with all this and should I be at all. We together as a team at everything we ...
A. 9 July 2011: I agree you can't help him. He has to do this himself. ... (read in full...)
Does it make me out of the ordinary that I prefer guys with a solid build? Even a touch chubby?
Q. Hi again my loves :) I was just wondering, if it's at all odd that I am attracted to chubby lads? Every one I know, apart from one creeper who makes it an embarrassment, likes fit, slim people. Me? I personally like chubby guys. Not like huge, bu...
A. 9 July 2011: I've always fancied "thick" men... guys with a bit of a belly... I like men with meat on their bones... I don't think that having a preference is weird at all.... (read in full...)
I love her but I keep catching her in lies, and she insists she's telling the truth even when lying right to my face!
Q. Sorry for the length of this one. Im in love with a girl I have been friends for 5yrs and lovers for 5 months. We were co-workers/friends about 5yrs ago, parted ways, kept in tough and now in love and happy for the most part. Only problem are the ...
A. 8 July 2011: THE LIES will never stop. marriage will not fix the cheating. or the need for her to have all the attention from members of the opposite sex...
I think personally she's using the guys online and you.
I'd walk away and salvage my dignity a... (read in full...)
Is it because I'm a virgin?
Q. Hey, so im 16 and im dating my brothers friend who is 23. We are very close and have no secrets. He wants to marry me and have me live with him once I turn 18. He has this issue down south and he gets an extremely unbearable pain if he doesnt have ...
A. 8 July 2011: oh sweetie.. go to that appointment and don't let him fool you...
get the name of the doctor and his specialty and what his credentials are....
this boy (because even at 23 he's acting like a CHILD) is playing on your feelings for him... (read in full...)
He talks to me the exact same way he talks to other girls. I thought I was special. What do I do?
Q. Well im talking to this guy that i met on a chat, and well hes sweet and we get along pretty well. He told me he likes me alot and i do too but he hasnt really asked me to be his girlfriend. But he talks to so many other girls too. I dont ...
A. 7 July 2011: He's just talking to you making friends like he is with everyone else... It's just online fun and games...
please don't take it too seriously.... (read in full...)
Is there any point to dating and relationships if you are infertile?
Q. My partners ex, was fertile and had children for my partner. I am infertile and cannot have any children. My partner seems okay with this, but his mother told me that I should do the right thing and leave him, so he can have a family and be happy ...
A. 7 July 2011: your partner's mum is wrong wrong wrong.... if your partner is happy with you and you are happy then his mum can stick it.
i'm in a relationship now with a man who has no children and wants no children... why are we together? common interest... (read in full...)
I'm worried people aren't seeing the real her...she even wears colour contacts! What do you think?
Q. My best friend wears coloured contacts that make her dark brown eyes, hazel. She said she wears them because they make her feel sexy, mysterious and more attractive. Which i agree, when she wears them even i'm intimidated by how hott she looks! She ...
A. 7 July 2011: I see no problem with it. I would wear colored contacts if I wore two (I only wear in one eye)
it's like her dying her hair... it makes her feel better.
I don't see a big problem with this at all. ... (read in full...)
Feel worthless over Boyfriends cruel comment.
Q. My boyfriend said to me while drunk tonight "you cant even have children what good are you??" Now I am in tears, it hurt me so bad. I feel like giving up now. He made me feel more worthless then I already do...
A. 7 July 2011: what a cruel thing to say... interestingly enough it could be his fault you have not conceived... I would love the Karma in that...
BTW having babies is NOT what makes you worthwhile... ... (read in full...)
Is this normal with a serious crush?
Q. I have just met a guy I really like and am starting to date. I have all the symptoms of a serious crush - butterflies, nervous excitement, restless.. However, I've noticed something strange. Over the past few days I haven't eaten nearly as much as ...
A. 7 July 2011: yeah when i am very very upset or very very nervous I don't eat... I call it the pain and suffering diet...... (read in full...)
What's the best way to ask her dad's permission to date her?
Q. Quick question... Going to ask my hopefully soon to be girlfriends parents for permission to date her. Her mom likes me a lot, and so even though she's not *technically* allowed to date until shes 16 in a few months, considering the circumst...
A. 7 July 2011: I agree that you should follow the parents rules.
I also would not be thrilled with 18 wanting to date 15
bide your time... continue to be her friend as best as you can.. ask her parents if you can spend time with her IN THEIR COMPANY...... (read in full...)
Ex of 3 years ago wrote me and apologized. Now what?
Q. I was so happy when the guy that broke up with me almost 3 years ago, finally kept in touch with me again. My heart was so pounding and I can't believe my eyes when I read his long email to me yesterday. He said that he was sorry for his attitude, ...
A. 7 July 2011: listen to him. do not trust him.
he may be making amends as part of a program...
... (read in full...)
B/f going away for 13 weeks. How can we keep our bond strong?
Q. My guy will be gone for thirteen weeks on a job trip. It's a big opportunity and I'm proud of him :) I know I'll miss him though and I have my fears. I fear he'll fall for someone there and maybe forget me. I don't know what to think, we've been ...
A. 7 July 2011: it's about 3 months... and it sucks BUT it can be great for you when it's over...
1. you have to trust him... let him go do not expect him to be in your face all day calling texting or skyping... save that for maybe a good morning wake up call ... (read in full...)
Is this pain from trying to get a finger in normal?
Q. right i'm 19 and still a virgin i have never been fingured ... i have been with this boy for almost a year now and i want to have sex with him so badly but i have tried to fingure my self but carnt as it gives me BAD pain it makes me feel like i ...
A. 7 July 2011: the doctor will not laugh. or make fun of you
time for a gyn exam and total honesty
... (read in full...)
I'm never going to find a guy! Is it my size or what?
Q. Hey so I need help. I'm starting to think that I will never find a guy. I'm a plus size model (fiercely real) and have had guys tell me im gorgeous but never want to be in a relationship with me. Is it my size or what? Its kinda lowering my ...
A. 7 July 2011: If you are a plus size model you are well proportioned and no more than size 18 or so... that's not all that big dear. I used to be a size 24/26 and know of what I speak.
You are also probably tall and carry it well....
I'm a former S... (read in full...)
The difference between a crush and a boyfriend?
Q. What's the difference between crush and boyfriend ??...
A. 7 July 2011: a crush is unrequited. you crush from afar, you interact with a boyfriend.
... (read in full...)
What are the chances of the baby not being my boyfriend's?
Q. My boyfriend and myself broke up around the 12 of may, in that time i slept with someone else, however my boyfriend and i were still on and off, got my periods on the 29th of may and it hurt more than usual and lots of lining? came out. Since then ...
A. 7 July 2011: you had a period may 29th right?
count about two weeks that means June 12th or so...
when was the last time you slept with the other man?
that has huge bearing on my answer.
... (read in full...)
Is it because I'm a virgin?
Q. Hey, so im 16 and im dating my brothers friend who is 23. We are very close and have no secrets. He wants to marry me and have me live with him once I turn 18. He has this issue down south and he gets an extremely unbearable pain if he doesnt have ...
A. 7 July 2011: ROFL! what a crock of dog poo.
I'm sorry hon men do not get pain that needs to have sex to be relieved. he can jerk off. NOT a problem.
he is handing you a line.... (read in full...)
Am I overreacting? Or should our anniversary mean more?
Q. It's our 2 year anniversary today and I must say, im disappointed with my bfs efforts. He knows I'm the romantic type and our first anniversary was so romantic, he took me to dinner, brought me two bracelets (one engraved) and we got matching ...
A. 7 July 2011: he made an effort. he made a collage, he purchased food so you could share an activity, you spent time together, he acknowledged the anni.... i think you are overreacting. he is probably a bit worried about funds... and trying to be frugal. ... (read in full...)
My fiance is demanding I have a DNA test, even though I only cheated once back in 2010!
Q. Dear cupid, Me and my fiance are expecting our 1st baby. He wants a DNA test, just because I messed around just 1 time and that was last year (2010)! IT'S A NEW YEAR! I mean, he's actually "insisting" that i get a DNA test... I just got pregnant...
A. 7 July 2011: makes sense to me as a woman who's husband lied and cheated. I will NEVER trust him again.
once betrayed trust is almost impossible to re-earn...
while there is no chance that it's someone else's baby it's still going to nag at him....
... (read in full...)
I left my husband for him, but he is still living with his wife,,, What should I do now?
Q. Ive been married for 11 years and it hasn't been a perfect marriage by no means. He has been abusive and neglected me. He always did things with his friends and never with me and it got very lonely. I meet a man at work and felt an instant ...
A. 7 July 2011: I left my husband for another man and it had NOTHING TO do with sex.... in fact, sex with my husband was better than sex with my current partner on some levels...
relationships are not all about sex... it's part of a relationship but not the reas... (read in full...)
How do I trust my LDR guy when I have caught him in so many lies?
Q. Hello everyone... I want to know your opinions on this: Im in a long distance relationship with my bf, but I do not trust him completely. the reaons being is that he has lied to me before about small stuff, like meeting up with a friend (who is a...
A. 6 July 2011: I am in an LDR... you have to trust. IF YOU DON"T trust you can't do this.
you say you don't trust him and you don't take the commitment seriously... so then why take his ring?... (read in full...)
Long distance relationship? Or just a friend?
Q. well to start off . i am a 13 year old girl going on 14 , who has a tumblr and i met the guy im currently talking to down there . so .. we drew closer and closer . and now according to him we're *officially* "talking , talking" he is 16 going on ...
A. 6 July 2011: Sweetie,
there is very little chance that you guys will be able to meet for a few years at least...
my suggestion is that you consider him a FRIEND only... until after you meet him.
Long distance relationships are really really hard. Ev... (read in full...)
My virgin husband is making me get an std test before he will marry me...
Q. My fiance is making me get an STD test before he marries me. He is a virgin and I'm not. I have been with 2 guys before him. He told me he just wants to be sure I am clean before he marries me because he does not want to catch an std. He is ...
A. 6 July 2011: get tested.
when my current bf and I got together we both got tested and we will be tested again in 6 months to make sure all is clear...
it's no big deal to get tested but to be honest refusing to be tested is a big red flag to me....... (read in full...)
Parents, do you think a 19 year old female should have a curfew??
Q. Several months ago my family "adopted" a 19 year old girl who was in need of some help and guidance to get her life back on track and graduate high school. Things are going really well, except for one thing. We dissagree on what time she should ...
A. 6 July 2011: My rule always was "you live in my house you follow my rules"
if coming in between 3-5 wakes you that's disrespectful
I think that a 2 am curfew out of courtesy is very considerate....
if she can't follow those rules, perhaps she ... (read in full...)
Would you date him?
Q. would you date a guy that over all is a very nice guy just a few issues, he has a nice body but he isn't the most attractive person in the face, he can not get an erection because he has diabetes, seems to adore me and has a great personality. i am ...
A. 6 July 2011: if he is smart and funny and kind and he cuddles and loves me and nurtures me in other ways... yeah i would
but then I"m not overly impressed with penetrative sex...... (read in full...)
Sex with a high class prostitute
Q. Is that less reprehensible? It is interesting to see how people judge prostitutes very harshly and yet someone who has lots of casual sex, one night stands and has a very high number is not considered trashy, just living their life. I guess wh...
A. 6 July 2011: I think anyone paying for sex is sad whether they pay a cheap call girl or a high class one... it just makes me sad to think that folks have to pay for someone to pretend to love them.
in addition except for Nevada, prostitution expensive or... (read in full...)
He asked me to marry him....do you really think he could've changed?
Q. So my boyfriend and I( 15 and 17) have been on and off for about 6 months. I never thought me and him could be together when i first saw him because he's all like handsome with blue eyes, and a super athletic body; he plays football and runs ...
A. 6 July 2011: I think he's being manipulative. I think he's saying what he wants you to hear and I think you are way too young to even think about getting married.
... (read in full...)
I left my husband for him, but he is still living with his wife,,, What should I do now?
Q. Ive been married for 11 years and it hasn't been a perfect marriage by no means. He has been abusive and neglected me. He always did things with his friends and never with me and it got very lonely. I meet a man at work and felt an instant ...
A. 6 July 2011: I agree with everyone else.. sadly for you he's not going to leave his wife. IF was has he would have already.
You need to get on with your divorce and your life and meeting someone who is actually available to you on on levels that you can... (read in full...)
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