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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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After our 3rd date I gave her a kiss goodnight... Did I come on too strongly?
Q. I've just got back from my 3rd date with a girl I like. We've had 2 highly successful dates and this 3rd one appeared to be no acception. We talked, laughed and had a nice evening, just like the previous two dates. But tonight I wanted to slip in ...
A. 17 July 2011: a simple text or phone call saying "wanted to touch base before I go away on Holiday and say have a great week" sounds appropriate...
then let her be... go on holiday have a great time... see what's up when you get home....... (read in full...)
Would moving in with the in-laws be a recipe for disaster?
Q. Hi there, I'm currently stuck with a dilemna!!!!! I just recently got married (2months) and my father in law came to us and asked if we would maybe consider moving into their home to help take any extra strain on my mother in law, who is very sic...
A. 17 July 2011: agreed that he has to make sure you are comfortable.. is there a compromise you can come up with? move closer to them perhaps?... (read in full...)
My ex is sending me mixed signals and tells me he needs a few years to figure out if he wants to stay married to me!
Q. My husband and I split up because he couldn't handle a stressful situation that we had no control over..he just couldn't step up to the plate and give support when needed. Now the situation is over, it is two months since I moved out and the whole ...
A. 15 July 2011: I agree that you need to take back some control...
I think giving him a time frame to decide if you really want to let him do that is fine but I would say 90 days or so and after that YOU can file for divorce.
It's sad but if he can't support... (read in full...)
A boyfriend who breaks plans and thinks I should be more flexible and "mature" about our separate lives.
Q. My boyfriend has broken plans with me two nights in a row after a show/performance he recently had. Everything was going quite well up til then. I kindly expressed to him some discomfort with him never introducing me as his girlfriend, even though ...
A. 15 July 2011: why be afraid that a man who disrespects you like he is doing is going to break up with you.
he canceled plans to go out on a date with another woman and a friend of his... then he comes and gets into YOUR bed...
oh hell no....
you be... (read in full...)
I found my dad's been surfing porn and maybe using escort services, what should I do now?
Q. I was on my dads computer and I found sexual escort websites...I also found pornography on his cell phone. I am really worried that he is using these escorts and really don't know what to do. I would rather not confront him but its one of those ...
A. 15 July 2011: I'm so sorry but this is really NONE of YOUR business.
PORN is not illegal (unless it's child porn) and there is nothing you can do about it.
Escorts while not appetizing to most of us are for some a fact of life for some people...
... (read in full...)
A boyfriend who breaks plans and thinks I should be more flexible and "mature" about our separate lives.
Q. My boyfriend has broken plans with me two nights in a row after a show/performance he recently had. Everything was going quite well up til then. I kindly expressed to him some discomfort with him never introducing me as his girlfriend, even though ...
A. 15 July 2011: my boyfriend picks fights when we get too close and he gets scared.
I used to just fight back but it didn't work well.. then I figured out what he was doing and I just walked away
I also tell him he's picking fights and to stop it.. being aware... (read in full...)
I don't know why he is ashamed of me and keeps me a secret!
Q. Okay, so I've been in this relationship with one guy for like three months and it's quite okay except for the fact he wants to keep it secret. We both live in a small town and since he's kinda a known person and has many friends and all the people ...
A. 15 July 2011: I'm sorry. It's got to be hurtful and stressful to you to be in this situation.
when my kids were little I was separated from their dad. we no longer loved each other but our primary goal was happy kids so we sucked it up and worked hard to ... (read in full...)
24 and never had an orgasm! Help!
Q. hi everyone sorry to be so personal heres my problem in 24 and i have never had a orgasm my new partners getting very impatient with me it just never seems to happen ive even got a vibrator which doesnt help any tips please...
A. 15 July 2011: so is having the orgasm for YOU or for your PARTNER?
trying too hard will not work..
you have to relax.... and try to do this on your own in private... until you can have an orgasm by yourself you will probably be too nervous to have one with... (read in full...)
I don't know why he is ashamed of me and keeps me a secret!
Q. Okay, so I've been in this relationship with one guy for like three months and it's quite okay except for the fact he wants to keep it secret. We both live in a small town and since he's kinda a known person and has many friends and all the people ...
A. 15 July 2011: not a good vibe here.
you don't go out.. you guys have sex... talk and watch tv and have sex.. right?
not meeting his friends? keeping you his DIRTY little secret... Sounds like all you are to him is a handy penis holder.
I can see not... (read in full...)
After our 3rd date I gave her a kiss goodnight... Did I come on too strongly?
Q. I've just got back from my 3rd date with a girl I like. We've had 2 highly successful dates and this 3rd one appeared to be no acception. We talked, laughed and had a nice evening, just like the previous two dates. But tonight I wanted to slip in ...
A. 15 July 2011: she is taking it slow.. do not crowd her... give her space...
sounds perfectly lovely and that she likes you..
I would say that texting is a sucky way to have a relationship as texts don't always go through on time or they get lost or forgotte... (read in full...)
How do I make it clear I don't want it to just be a one night stand without it being a massive turn off?
Q. Hi, I'm looking for a bit of advice. Firstly, im not a slag, so please don't accuse me of being one. I admit that I have very low self-estem, and having sex makes me feel better about myself. There's a guy I really like, and I'm planning to have sex ...
A. 15 July 2011: if you sleep with him to make him like you.. he will use you and lower your self-esteem even more.
you will be a one night stand. or you will become his go to girl for getting his rocks off while he looks for a girl he likes and respects and want... (read in full...)
Am I still a virgin? It didnt hurt or bleed!
Q. This is very confusing and sometimes i think am still a virgin. i had sex with my first boyfriend and i did not bleed nor did it hurt. is this normal? i told my friends and they said am either abnormal or my boyfriend's dick was too small or wea...
A. 15 July 2011: i never bled when i lost my virginity and it never hurt either. so yeah normal
and if you have had a penis in your vagina at all you are no longer a virgin...
you were a virgin till your boyfriend put his penis in your vagina. then you were n... (read in full...)
Husband confessed that he dreamt of coming home and finding me on top of another man having sex. I would love it, but not sure if I should do it
Q. I am a 33 year old married woman with 2 kids. Been married now for 13 years. Now, I won't make this long so I will just get to the point. I was a virgin when I got married and never been with another man, ever. My husband once told me that he would ...
A. 15 July 2011: As a very wise Mr Spock once said
". After a time, you may find that having is not so pleasing a thing after all as wanting. It is not logical, but it is often true."
so maybe it's just the talking about it that makes you guys hot... that... (read in full...)
My daughter's father broke up with me but wants to be friends with benefits!
Q. ok here it goes me and my boyfriend of 5 years just broke up a few months ago, he is also the father of my daughter. i figured we just needed a break, but he started acting like its a permanent thing, he stayed at friends houses for awhile, then ...
A. 15 July 2011: he is using you. that's why you feel like he's using you.
if you want to keep him around then all you need to do is give him food and sex and make no demands on him for love, affection, help with the household, the baby or the bills.. just... (read in full...)
Is it possible that someone hacked my phone?
Q. Okay this isn't about relationships but someone please give me a semi explanation for this!! So my friend and I were texting and all of the sudden she Gets a text from me that's says "boobity boo" over and over again like 5 pages of it...so she asks ...
A. 15 July 2011: there are programs for phones that let you spoof a number. you can make it appear that a person is calling themselves...
not sure of the names of these programs but I've seen friends use them.... (read in full...)
What do you think of this tattoo idea?
Q. soo i turned 17 in april.. and lately ive been thinking a lot about wanting a tattoo. the problem is my mother will probably nott let me get one. she wont even let me pierce my tongue but has let me pierce my bellybutton when i was 15. the past ...
A. 14 July 2011: yep your body will change... there is the whole children thing to consider too...... (read in full...)
What do you think of this tattoo idea?
Q. soo i turned 17 in april.. and lately ive been thinking a lot about wanting a tattoo. the problem is my mother will probably nott let me get one. she wont even let me pierce my tongue but has let me pierce my bellybutton when i was 15. the past ...
A. 14 July 2011: tattooed lady here... voting NO NO NO
not at 18 and not in that location....
I did not get my first tattoo till I was past 40...
can you scale it down and do it smaller say on a shoulder or thigh if you really must have it now? or is the ... (read in full...)
After our 3rd date I gave her a kiss goodnight... Did I come on too strongly?
Q. I've just got back from my 3rd date with a girl I like. We've had 2 highly successful dates and this 3rd one appeared to be no acception. We talked, laughed and had a nice evening, just like the previous two dates. But tonight I wanted to slip in ...
A. 14 July 2011: sounds perfect to me..... (read in full...)
Long distance worry: she ended it but we still talk a lot.
Q. So I met this girl last summer on a cruise, she is from Tennessee and I am from Pennsylvania, we talked for a while afterwords but we both eventually got in relationships with other people, until about this past May when by coincidence we both ...
A. 14 July 2011: LDRs are hard. I'm doing one right now... we are only 2 hours apart by car and right now I am recovering from surgery so we are together 24/7 (and loving it).... but normally we can see each other only on weekends... it stinks and we hope that by ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend said porn stars are hotter than me!
Q. My boyfriend and porn. Ever since my boyfriend got a new job we've had less time for sex. Whenever we see each other we have a lot of sex. I'm not a prude, so with me anything goes (except threesomes). I let him do whatever he wants. I sometimes ...
A. 14 July 2011: dump him.
since you already told us that telling you what you already know is worthless since you know it's your issues... my advice (not that you asked for ANY) is to dump him.
Boyfriends are supposed to make us feel loved and cherished. Does... (read in full...)
What is love?
Q. I have a huge crush on someone and I also thinks he loves me too, but does'nt know how to tell me do you think he loves me the way i do?...
A. 14 July 2011: I often think that once you have it you won't need to ask...
but even at my advanced age I sometimes wonder...... (read in full...)
Would you date a girl with a moustache?
Q. Hi guys. I just want to know what u guys think of girls that have moustaches and if you can date one. Because i have a friend, a girl that has a moustache which makes her so self conscious and insecure about herself. Also what are the best ways to ...
A. 13 July 2011: if her mustache is very heavy (for a woman) she should check with the doctor about a possible hormonal imbalance.
I personally tweeze and wax my facial hair.. that's the best way to remove it in my opinion...
... (read in full...)
Do women reach their sexual peak in their 40s?
Q. Hi, I’m 32 years of age and ever since I was a teenager, I have always liked older women, very very much! Particularly women in their 40’s. During my teenage years I would find myself fantasizing not about girls in my class, but about their moth...
A. 13 July 2011: Sex starts being better for women in their mid 30s.. I'm not sure why but it sure did work for me.. I'm 51 and I am insatiable. my 38 yr old boyfriend can't keep up...
I want more sex
Orgasms are easier and more frequent
the only issue is... (read in full...)
I thought it was normal to masturbate?
Q. so the other day i was playing never have i ever with my friends. we are all 15 and we are like the more popular girls in school. a few have them have had sex and everyone else has been fingered. anyways someone said "never have i ever mastraba...
A. 13 July 2011: Perfectly Normal but I have found that girls tend not to talk about it like boys do...... (read in full...)
Would moving in with the in-laws be a recipe for disaster?
Q. Hi there, I'm currently stuck with a dilemna!!!!! I just recently got married (2months) and my father in law came to us and asked if we would maybe consider moving into their home to help take any extra strain on my mother in law, who is very sic...
A. 13 July 2011: will you have your own space... your own bedroom, your own bathroom your own sitting area? will meals be shared as a family... will you have a set space and time for aloneness?
Do you like your inlaws?
how does their son feel about this?
... (read in full...)
He keeps standing me up and hurting me badly, but now he wants to see me again - should I go?
Q. His someone i love so much. however he never has time for me. when i try seeing him, he always says his busy. sometimes we plan to meet, and when he stands me up. i feel hurt and end up being depressed for a week however now he wants to see me. ...
A. 12 July 2011: I would not go. I think he mistreats you and asks to see you only when it suits him.... (read in full...)
When do I tell my boyfriend that his decision to not have any more children is a deal breaker for me? I want to end things
Q. My boyfriend and I were due to get engaged. We’d talked through the important matters, one of which was that we would have only one child together as he already has two from a past relationship. (I don’t have any) Then he called last week and as...
A. 12 July 2011: there is never a right time to wait to tell someone something this important... you must tell him as soon as possible.
I'm so sorry for you having to make this choice and take this action... it has to be hard.... (read in full...)
What do my b/f's comments during sex mean?
Q. Hi all. Your insights plz?I have been with my bf for about four months,and during sex he often tells me not to give myself to any other man,and not to give my private part to any other man. Why does he say this? Is he possesive? How should I take ...
A. 12 July 2011: sounds to me like he does not want to share you... so you need to find out if he means this to be an exclusive relationship or he's just being jealous and possessive.... (read in full...)
Should I start faking orgasms?
Q. I just split up with my boyfriend of two years, and I'm excited to get into the world of promiscuous sex. (That sounds terrible, but I never really experienced that world, I just jumped straight into a serious relationship.) But, I've only ever had ...
A. 12 July 2011: don't fake it.
why would someone your not in a relationship even care if yo cum or not anyway?... (read in full...)
Should I end the cute flirting when I know we'll be going separate ways soon?
Q. I really like a guy and I know neither one of us are going to act on our feelings because summer is going to come to an end and we're going to have to go our separate ways to different colleges in different states soon. It is really hard though ...
A. 12 July 2011: why not flirt for the summer?
why not spend time together and have fun... why must it be black and white.... ... (read in full...)
I cant seem to cum when I have sex! Help!
Q. ive got a f**k buddy and things are great.. i go over to hers when ever i want and we have a great sex. but the problem is i cant seem to cum when i have sex. but when i masterbate i cum just fine but we have sex for hours literally we both are so s...
A. 12 July 2011: maybe you are one of those men that needs to have an emotional connection to their partner in order to enjoy sex?
... (read in full...)
Would you tell the wife of your married lover that he lied to you?
Q. Will you tell the wife if you found 'your' man is actually married but lied to you? ...
A. 12 July 2011: no. not your place to tell... it's your place to walk away from him.... the liar will get hit by the karma bus eventually.... (read in full...)
Should I tell my boyfriend about my abusive ex?
Q. my last relationship didnt go so well (me ex hit me a lot.) an i want to tell my new partner about it but im not sure if i should and i dont know how to tell him... :S any ideas? ...
A. 12 July 2011: Yes you should tell him... it may color how you react to the new bf and he has a right to know it's not him but your "baggage" causing any issues.
... (read in full...)
Do all guys keep their relationship status private?
Q. Hi there, i havent got a facebook account but i am thinking of joining soon. I want to add my boyfriend on relationship status and I know my boyfriends answer to it already 'im private'...but if u were private why open a facebook account and put up ...
A. 12 July 2011: most of the men I know on facebook list their relationships.
in fact, that's how I knew my marriage was over, my husband changed is relationship status.. that's how I knew my son broke up with his gf he changed his relationship status.
on the ... (read in full...)
BF is married and lied to me about being separated from his wife, having sex with her and having another kid that I didnt know of. Does he deserve another chance?
Q. Five months ago I met this guy who seemed like a good guy and was fun to hang around. From the first moment we met he admitted to me that he had a son who was in the first grade, and showed me pictures like any proud father. Even though I myself ...
A. 12 July 2011: will you ever be able to trust him?
you didn't trust him BEFORE you knew he lied (hence your breaking into his phone) and now you have proof that he's a cheater and a liar?
will you ever trust him fully? or will you always wonder if he'... (read in full...)
Why do I have feelings for much older men?
Q. hello i'm 15(almost 16 thank you very much) and partly normal but overall typical well except for the fact of liking men 15 to 20 years older than me. yeah it's great to fantasize about these gorgeous men but i hate thinking of what i can't have. ...
A. 12 July 2011: In two years you will be 18 and then you can date any single older man you want...
right now please limit it to crushes and fantasy for several reasons..
1. you are under age and your over 18 partner can ruin their life if they becom... (read in full...)
Husband confessed that he dreamt of coming home and finding me on top of another man having sex. I would love it, but not sure if I should do it
Q. I am a 33 year old married woman with 2 kids. Been married now for 13 years. Now, I won't make this long so I will just get to the point. I was a virgin when I got married and never been with another man, ever. My husband once told me that he would ...
A. 12 July 2011: former swinger here...
I am very open sexually and always have been.
I am one of those women that found it exciting to watch my partner with another woman... and my then husband liked watching me too...
then I got a boyfriend... and m... (read in full...)
Should I meet him? Long distance relationship advice needed
Q. I have met online a guy 8 months ago. He lives in Northern Europe, me in the South (distance 2200 km). Nothing serious at first, just flirting, sharing music and photos of each other. Age difference about 20. He owns a big garden and, as I live in a ...
A. 11 July 2011: I would not spend money to go visit him. I do not think he's serious about anything with you...... (read in full...)
Ex wants me to help her with repairs around her house, and is furious because I said I would charge her for it! Does that make me a jerk?
Q. I dated a girl for a while. In that time, I did a lot of things for her. One thing I did was help around her house. I am very handy and once worked for a plumber. I mowed the lawn and did repairs. We broke up two month ago. It was a bad breakup....
A. 11 July 2011: I agree you are being more than fair. and she's being a jerk.... (read in full...)
We want a baby. How can we when our sex life is kind of difficult?
Q. My fiance and I are trying to conceive a baby. however we are both little over weight and well...he is kind of small down there. I'm not very comfortable being on top, but everytime we have sex, his penis doesnt stay in. We both very much want...
A. 11 July 2011: SMO: super morbidly obese a medical term.... (read in full...)
Wouldn't it be lovely if an STD/STI protocol operated? How does one confirm if a new partner does not have an STD or a STI?
Q. So,I just got out a long term relationship. So long that we were both virgins before we met and never had to worry about stds/stis. My question is, when I'm ready to get back into the dating world, how does sex work, in terms of, do most couples get ...
A. 11 July 2011: I just told my boyfriend that I would like him to have STD testing and that I have it done every six months.
he had his done with his doctor and I had mine done with mine... no big deal...
and condoms are in use till the blood work is clear fo... (read in full...)
How to perform Anal on him ?
Q. Me and my man have been dating for 12 months now. its a great relationship and we have expressed many sexual desires. for example, we are both bi curious. however he told me something which shocked me. he told me a couple of months back that he ...
A. 11 July 2011: yeah it's normal for him and many other men... some like anal play some do not...
start with fingers.. well lubed.. trimmed nails.
work your way up to things like anal probes and butt plugs...
use lots of lube... go slow...
... (read in full...)
Why marry someone when it seems sure you'll get a divorce?
Q. I can't trust my fiance. He constantly lies to me, breaks promises, and walks away from arguments and the relationship. We were planning on going through an LDR, but I'm not so sure anymore. Only a week or so ago, we went through a huge falling out, ...
A. 11 July 2011: I am in an LDR.. nearly 9 months now and so far so good BUT we are only 2 hours apart by car and are together more than we are apart AND as soon as we KNEW we were serious we made the plans to close the distance gap and hope by the end of the year ... (read in full...)
We want a baby. How can we when our sex life is kind of difficult?
Q. My fiance and I are trying to conceive a baby. however we are both little over weight and well...he is kind of small down there. I'm not very comfortable being on top, but everytime we have sex, his penis doesnt stay in. We both very much want...
A. 11 July 2011: here are some websites that can help find workable sexual positions... when I was SMO married to an SMO man we had to be very very creative with sexual positions:
http:... (read in full...)
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