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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Who do I pick? Ducky, Arby or Dorky??
Q. Help me pleased I don't know what to do! Okay so I have a few diferent guys asking me out and I got no Idea who to pick. 1 guy is my ex BF (call him Ducky) Him and I were dating for like a week then I had to break up with him cuz of drama in my l...
A. 23 September 2011: so explain to this old lady why if you are so conflicted on who to date you have to make a choice....... (read in full...)
2 weeks after argument b/f still hasn't contacted me!
Q. I and my boyfriend started the relationship bout 6months ago. Its been the best feeling ever. I love him so much aand he says he loves me too. He says my attitude stinkks whereas, he's is worse. Everytime he does something wrong and I react, he'll ...
A. 23 September 2011: What's going on is that you are getting out of an abusive relationship.
make a list for yourself
one column all the PROS of staying with this man.
the next column all the CONS of staying with this man
make your choice based on tha... (read in full...)
Should I break up with my boyfriend for being jealous?
Q. Hi I was for a week on vacation with a girlfriend to Italy. First days my boyfriend texted me said he missed me and asked me how I was doing. When I said that I met French and Polish guys and was going out with them that night he starting asking me ...
A. 23 September 2011: makes sense to me... you told him what you told him to test his love.
these things always backfire on us..
yeah it feels crummy when he does to you what you did to him doesn't it?
he's jealous because of what you told him.
should you... (read in full...)
How do I deal with this irritating man child whom I had been dating?
Q. I'm really mad. I was seeing this 40 year old man child for 5 months. He tells me he really likes me, sees us together but needed time to get himself together after a break up. He wasn't married or engaged to this woman. This guy would only call ...
A. 23 September 2011: no need to put him in his place. He's made it clear by his lack of contact where you stand in his life.
just ignore him and move on....... (read in full...)
Car or bed?
Q. My boyfriend and I are planning to have sex for the first time this weekend. We have two options, either in the back seat of my car or in my room while my sister is home. Which do you think would be a little better?...
A. 23 September 2011: I agree with CindyCares.
I do not have an issue at all with premarital sex, older teenage sex or multiple partners (both in a group or in succession)
WHAT I have a problem with here is that your OPTIONS indicate that the timing is just n... (read in full...)
Why would he suddenly make his facebook photos public?
Q. A guy removed me as a friend from his facebook list because he wanted no regrets and didn't want me to know about his actions. I got a really amazing makeover in the upcoming year. I know I shouldn't be searching him but ... I did. Anyway, he has e...
A. 23 September 2011: nope. you are but a fond memory to him... move along nothing to see here...... (read in full...)
G/f complained about my penis. Is she cheating?
Q. my girlfriend recently started complaining of my penis size. Could this be the sign she is cheating on me? ...
A. 23 September 2011: what is her complaint? too big? too small? too soft?
it's rude to complain about something that you have no control over.
... (read in full...)
Flirting with me while all the time having a girlfriend!
Q. I can not get this man out of my head! I met this man at a fitness class, we got on great had lots of chemistry, and would always chat for hours. He always singled me out in this class and would smile all the time at me. He then asked me to go to ...
A. 23 September 2011: You are friends... he never made a pass at you or tried to be romantic... he was just a friend.. nothing more...
You are reading into this as attention in a more romantic sense... at least that's my take on why ask this question...
after a... (read in full...)
18 year old with crush on 14 year old?
Q. hi guys i am 18 and i have a developing crush on a 14 year old girl and i just wanted to get peoples views on this is it weird to you or doesn't it matter to you? ...
A. 23 September 2011: well to be honest if the 14 yr old was my daughter you'd not be allowed around her at this point. there is too much of a difference between 18 and 14....
and here in the united states it's illegal for an 18 yr old to date a 14 yr old.
While t... (read in full...)
The reality of an open relationship is not so good
Q. Hello - My husband and I have been married for 8 years. We have talked about an open relationship and I thought this was a good idea. I had sex with another man a couple of months ago. It was only one time and it truly was just sex. It was ...
A. 23 September 2011: my marriage was open. OPEN killed my marriage. I had it open because my husband had no self-esteem and needed the attention of other women.
When I found a man, my husband could not bear it. My being with someone else killed him but every ti... (read in full...)
I cheated on him, now he wants me to pay
Q. Hey! So, cheated on my bf and I know it was bad and all. So, please, please, please, no judgment. Trying to win him back. He says he loves me, but his trust is gone. Then he came over to my place tonite and tried real hard to have sex.I refused cos ...
A. 23 September 2011: I agree that he's not wanting to win you back he wants to abuse you and make you feel bad. It's a no win situation for you.... (read in full...)
How many men still find their wife attractive as she ages?
Q. I hear a lot about men desiring younger women, and of wives being heart broken over their husbands leaving them for a younger woman. So i'm curious, how many men still find their wife attractive as she ages? and after kids? do you still desire her...
A. 22 September 2011: I'm 51 and I look it. my boyfriend thinks I'm beautiful and hot he's 38... go figure.
... (read in full...)
Who do I pick? Ducky, Arby or Dorky??
Q. Help me pleased I don't know what to do! Okay so I have a few diferent guys asking me out and I got no Idea who to pick. 1 guy is my ex BF (call him Ducky) Him and I were dating for like a week then I had to break up with him cuz of drama in my l...
A. 22 September 2011: How is dating more than one person cheating?
are you telling them you are only dating them?
there's DATING
there's going steady
there's getting pinned
there's engaged
there's getting married
umm only if you are GOING steady or gre... (read in full...)
Who do I pick? Ducky, Arby or Dorky??
Q. Help me pleased I don't know what to do! Okay so I have a few diferent guys asking me out and I got no Idea who to pick. 1 guy is my ex BF (call him Ducky) Him and I were dating for like a week then I had to break up with him cuz of drama in my l...
A. 22 September 2011: I agree there is no rule that says you can only DATE one. it's better to be unattached if you can't make up your mind.... (read in full...)
On off boyfriend of 4 years doesn't want to date but wants to borrow money!
Q. Hi Cupid, I've been dating this Scorpio Guy on and off for about 4 years. Now he had broke up with me and told me that we were not compatible but wants to borrow money and he says he's in love with me. I'm so confused what kind of game is he playing ...
A. 22 September 2011: it's use and abuse. he wants money. JUST SAY NO.
what he says is not what he does.. .and what he does is what you need to listen to.... (read in full...)
Burning sensation when I pee. Any Idea what this is all about?
Q. Okay. Since yesterday morning I've been feeling this weird burning orgasmic feeling when I'm finished peeing. Its like a huge burning orgasm that dies out. I don't what the fck it is but it hurts and I don't like it. and now every 2 hours or ...
A. 22 September 2011: I often get UTI's from sex... at least I did at a younger age... now it seems to feel like one but it tends to go away after a day or two... but:
I shower no baths
I pee before and after sex
I wipe front to back
I drink a lot.
I KNOW ... (read in full...)
Will marrying someone who cares about me help me forget my 31 year old married lover ?
Q. well i am in love with a man whose 31 years old while i am early 20s, sadly hes married and has a child.so i want to get rid of him but cant.so i am thinking of getting married to someone.at least i will have a husband and a home with whom i ll sha...
A. 22 September 2011: marrying someone who cares about you but you are using to forget about the man you really care about does not seem like a good plan...
it's not fair to the man you marry or to yourself.
... (read in full...)
My 6 months old baby from another relationship is upsetting my new partner. How can I make this better?
Q. So, I know this duels as a parenting question, but since the point of interest is my relationship I figure I should ask it here. Some Background: I am married and have a child from a previous relationship. I'll spare you the gruesome details, and ...
A. 21 September 2011: 6 months old is a notoriously clingy time for babies as they develop their own personalities... give him time
if he's waking during the night he may be teething or getting ready for a growth spurt.
It's hard to leave a nursing baby wit... (read in full...)
Broke off our engagement ...did I do the right thing?
Q. Just found out that my bf of four years didn't marry his ex gf because her divorce hadn't come through. He claims this is not the case and it was because they weren't the right match but turns out she was separated from her ex but still married to ...
A. 21 September 2011: you broke off your engagment to a man you love who loves you because he did not marry someone else?
trust me honey if he wanted to marry her he'd be married to her... he would have waited.
my boyfriend is waiting on baited breath for my di... (read in full...)
I texted lover to end end affair! Why doesn't he try to get me back!
Q. A few days I ago I posted about how I'd ended my affair. I'm thankful for the responses that I got but I text him to end it (so I couldn't get drawn in again) But he hasn't replied. Why isn't he fighting for me? I really thought he cared about m...
A. 21 September 2011: "I just want him to get in touch with me so that I can ignore him"
yeah read that and tell me if is sounds stupid...
you texted him so you couldn't get drawn in again and yet here you are waiting on baited breath for him to respond..... ... (read in full...)
I'm really in love with my husband but I want to leave!
Q. I am in my early 20s. I have been married for 2 years and a couple months now. My husband is in his 30s. He's a great man, but until now not a good husband. Our marriage before a couple of months ago was extremely hard on me. More than twice a week ...
A. 21 September 2011: YOU cannot blame HIM for how broken you are.
sorry you have to own your own issues.
He's sober and clean for two months... that's GREAT tell him some STRANGER is very proud of him.... it's hard to do.
I love an addict. IT's VERY HARD.... (read in full...)
I"m not sure if the pregnancy test was positive or negative?
Q. I took a pregnancy test the other day. I'm not sure I waited long enough or what. I waited at least 3 minutes before I had to leave, but im still nervous about the results. It had two windows, in one window, there was a verticle line, and in the...
A. 21 September 2011: maybe
what does the box say?... (read in full...)
He'd rather believe the rumours than me
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together.for 7 months Now and people always make up rumors about me And tell him lies, and no matter what I say or do He believes them not me. And this time someone told him I cheated on him and he refuses to belive ...
A. 21 September 2011: if he chooses to believe others over you then he should date those he believes.... (read in full...)
Help me to figure him out
Q. I know women are supposed to be the confusing ones, the ones that dont know what they want, and are hard to read. But this man, i just cant figure out. what exactly does he want from me? ok lets call him Chuck* I started talking to chuck, ab...
A. 21 September 2011: FWB baby...
sex and fun and games nothing more nothing less
nothing cryptic about it.
if you find yourself falling for this "gem" guard your heart.... (read in full...)
Where do I hide the condoms?
Q. My friends bought me some condoms (I have a new boyfriend- he's gorgeous and very sexy- they were joking around), but I want to hang onto them just in case anything does happen- better safe than sorry! Does anyone have any ideas as to where in my ro...
A. 21 September 2011: I agree with chi girl
night table drawer so they are accessible when you need them
and if mommy finds them just tell he what you told us I'm mature and legal.... (read in full...)
My mother can't afford the wedding, my b/f's family can but won't help!
Q. Me and my fiance are planning our wedding. I've always wanted to get married in a cathedral, and have a ball-gown style dress, and of course marry the man of my dreams. Unfortunately...my mom who would be fronting the bill, can't afford how much the ...
A. 21 September 2011: I've been married three times
1. big wedding lots of folks. marriage ended after 7 years
2. court house wedding... marriage ended a few years later
3. big wedding (the groom's first) marriage ended after 6 years
WEDDINGS do NOT make the ... (read in full...)
Car or bed?
Q. My boyfriend and I are planning to have sex for the first time this weekend. We have two options, either in the back seat of my car or in my room while my sister is home. Which do you think would be a little better?...
A. 21 September 2011: neither.... personally
a car does not give you a lot of room and it's not a good place in general..
and a bed while your little sister is home and my over hear you... also not good.
why is this weekend the critical time to do this?... (read in full...)
I'm insecure about my looks, Does he lie to me to make me feel better, because I don't look like a porn star?
Q. I know, I know, another porn question. I need advice especially from females who "get it". I guess I have quite a degree of insecurity. The thing is, I know my boyfriend loves me. I know he lies to make me feel better, because he swears and insists ...
A. 21 September 2011: Porn stars don't look like porn stars in real life... i swear you probably shop with some....
and he does think you are beautiful and smart and perfect for HIM.
my boyfriend when we met and started our then "affair" told me I was NOT his t... (read in full...)
My boyfriend proposed...but went looking for a second-hand ring!
Q. So my boyfriend proposed to me the other day. All was going well until he started searching for an engagement ring. We were talking on the phone and he said "Here's one I think you'll like" and sent me a picture of the ugliest ring I'd ever seen. ...
A. 21 September 2011: So very glad I read the posts before I answered.
I happen to agree with EVERYONE.
Chigirl and Cindy especially (as usual)
maybe the fact that the OP is willing to break up over this means she's looking for an out???... (read in full...)
Should I tell him exactly what I think? Or just completely ignore him! Hes hurt me so much! Please help!
Q. Im after some good honest opinions as im going out of my mind with frustration. I was seeing this guy for 9 months but he treats me like crap. No matter what he does though i still wanna be with him. Im in love with him. He always blows hot and cold ...
A. 21 September 2011: ok you love a man that treats you like crap.
you say you love this man... give me a list of WHY you love this man AS HE IS NOW not as he was not as you want him to be.... but CURRENTLY why do you love him?
if you need closure (something I get... (read in full...)
What's wrong with my husband? Is he insecure?
Q. my husband used to rebuke girls(when he was 24-26) who would reject him or didnt consider him as gods gift to women,calling them the C word or sexually abusing some girl whom he fancied and she didnt return the gesture.then he would hit on gir...
A. 21 September 2011: does he love you?
what do you think?
and do not base it on what he says... base it on how he acts. is the man capable of loving someone?
my bf loves me... he rarely says it but boy he shows it... I base knowing he loves me on how h... (read in full...)
What are the after affects of anal sex?
Q. What are the after affects of having anal sex? My boyfriend wants to do it but I'm scared because I hear that you have discharge from the anus afterwards. What are the good things about anal and what are the bad? Please help me out!?...
A. 20 September 2011: there should be no discharge if you use a condom and you should use a condom
be well lubed
be relaxed (if you are not relaxed and not wanting this it will NOT work)
if it HURTS stop. it might feel odd.. but it should not hurt.
if y... (read in full...)
He forgot my birthday and I am going to forget his. Am I doing the right thing?
Q. I've been this guy for about 4yrs. The past year has been nonstop fighting between us because he's constantly screwing up but for some reason, I always stay. I'm not even sure if I love him anymore, and most of the time, I absolutely can't stand him ...
A. 20 September 2011: sounds like this relationship is over.... time to walk away
he's going away with his friends
you hold grudges and aren't even sure how you feel.
you probably stay together because it's the path of least resistance.
just wa... (read in full...)
I'm 24 and he's 20...can this work?
Q. I recently met a guy at the bar that I started dating. The thing is he's 20 and I'm 24... He says it doesn't bother him at all, is this normal? We get along great but it makes me wonder what his motives are... Any insight from you guys out there? ...
A. 20 September 2011: sure can work... age is a number (after a certain point of course)
I will tell you that when I was 24 my boyfriend was 11; of course I didn't know him then...... (read in full...)
I think he should have told me at the beginning that he had bad credit and had been blacklisted!
Q. I started dating a man I met via internet 2 years ago. All seemed fine to start with. He told me once he has no credit cards because he doesn’t want any. Fair enough. He rented his flat, didn’t own property or have a mortgage. He bought a new ...
A. 20 September 2011: you are not wrong.
being honest in a relationship about EVERYTHING is critical.
you could have made the choice to be with him depsite his credit issues.... he took that choice away from you with his lies of omission.... (read in full...)
What's wrong with my husband? Is he insecure?
Q. my husband used to rebuke girls(when he was 24-26) who would reject him or didnt consider him as gods gift to women,calling them the C word or sexually abusing some girl whom he fancied and she didnt return the gesture.then he would hit on gir...
A. 20 September 2011: his abuse of women is not insecurity.
I think that men that generally are abusive to women do not like or respect women in general. this is a personality trait and not insecurity.... (read in full...)
Would a very very jealous boyfriend go so far as to try and make you fall out with your friends?
Q. Hi please could somebody give me some advice? Would a very very jealous boyfriend go so far as to try and make you fall out with your friends. what i mean is that my boyfriend who is extremeley jealous of anyone i speak to has told me that my sons ...
A. 20 September 2011: remember that Jealousy is NOT an emotion rooted or based in LOVE.
Jealousy is an emotion rooted and based in INSECURITY.
Personally for me a deal breaker should be when a man tries to control who you are and are not friends with.... (read in full...)
Why is my lesbian partner lying to me when she goes to meet a "friend"?
Q. Why is my lesbain partner lying to me when she goes to meet a friend? This friend happens to be an ex of hers, but holy batman, she tells her everything that goes on in her life and when I ask her what she did on her day off, she says "nothing" ...
A. 20 September 2011: she is lying to you because she is afraid of your response.
would you care if she is friends with her ex?
if not then you need to confront her and ask her why she is lyng and tell her you know what's going on.
you put "friend" in quotes ... (read in full...)
He says he's only staying until their child goes off to university
Q. The man I love has married his cousin. He says he is only staying with her until their child leaves home for university. Once she has left home he says we can then start to make plans for our future and tell our respective partners, with the ...
A. 20 September 2011: If a person wants out of a marriage nothing can make them stay... no one stays for the sake of the children if there is someone else for them to go to...
... (read in full...)
Am I obliged to tell his wife the details about the sex we had?
Q. A few months back I slept with my married boss twice. We got on great in work and in general, one thing led to another and we ended up sleeping together. Things were awkward and a mishap in communication led to a second 'mistake'. We agreed it would ...
A. 20 September 2011: I would refer her back to her husband. Just tell her that she needs to ask HIM all of her questions.... (read in full...)
How can I stop these affecting me and most of all how can I beat him at his own games without speaking to him directly?
Q. An ex bf of mine who is a real nasty piece of work has recently taken to playing small mind games while I'm at college. It's nothing massive but just small things. He's taken to deliberately walking past me and is constantly in and around places I ...
A. 19 September 2011: dang tisha beat me to my suggestion... Sunglasses
and file a notice with the police to tell them that you are being stalked...... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants our LDR to be an open relationship...
Q. My boyfriend and I had been dating about three months when our relationship became long distance due to circumstances beyound our control. It's been three months since I had to move, and we've only been able to see each other once since then. ...
A. 16 September 2011: open only for him is not fair.
open for both or neither.
rules go both ways.
LDRS are hard.... (read in full...)
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