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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Do I display behavior of a sex addict?
Q. I've had 17 partners. I had oral sex with most of them. I had sex with 2 of them. I love watching porn but have stopped. I masturbate like 3-4 times a week (but masturbate 2 times those days) I like the idea of fantasy. I like looking at ...
A. 11 August 2011: I don't think you are a sex addict. I think you like being close and physical. that does not make you an addict...... (read in full...)
Only son is in living with another man in a gay relationship
Q. Hi I have given birth to 3 sons in 22 years. 2 died at birth and my living son is just 17 and has met someone from the internet 'A 21yr old man!' he did not tell me what was going on just that he was moving out. Neither lads work and sponge ...
A. 11 August 2011: your son is trying hard to keep a relationship with you. accept him as best you can where he is and learn to grow and love him.
My brother is gay. He told me when he was 13 and I was 16. He told our mother when he was about 17... we kept this sec... (read in full...)
My Fiance has had many sex partenrs before me, how do I deal with it?
Q. Hello there, I am a 21 year old girl and I am currently in love with a wonderful guy who even asked me for my hand in marriage. He is 23 years old sweet, kind and always make me smile when I am around him. But the thing is... One day he aske...
A. 11 August 2011: oh if only we could go back and change our pasts... but we can't and what makes it worse is when folks we love and trust punish us for our life experience...
isn't that what you are doing here? PUNISHING HIM FOR HAVING LEARNED WHAT HE WANTS bef... (read in full...)
The guy I'm seeing says he just doesn't want to be with anyone. Will he change his mind?
Q. Hi everyone I have been sleeping with my fwb for a few months now I have began to have very strong feelings for him and I'm pretty sure he feels the same as he calls me babe all the time texts me kisses when we meet up its not just for sex he gives ...
A. 11 August 2011: you want more than he does so you will easily read into his actions and behaviors and see what you want...
if he wanted more you would have more...
I started seeing my current BF back in November as a FWB sort of thing (on the side of a ma... (read in full...)
I finally feel happy....so why is my ex contacting me again?
Q. Hi there:) I was just wondering if you guys could clarify something for me. I dumped my ex in April after an extremely difficult 3 year relationship. To cut a long story short: he drank too much, treated me like dirt, took me for granted with his...
A. 11 August 2011:
his motives don't matter. what matters is you continue to ignore him and not feed his emotional attempts to be with you.
... (read in full...)
Every time I have sex with my new boyfriend, I can't help but cry because I still think of my ex...
Q. I've been going out with a classmate of mine for about 2 months now, and we've been sexually active lately. Now, a couple months ago I had a terrible breakup with my ex for 2 years. I've known my ex longer than that because we were originally best ...
A. 11 August 2011: if you are crying during sex you need to stop having sex with this boy. and you need to tell him that you like him but you are not ready for sex... sounds like he cares enough about you that he will understand and if he does not then he's not the ... (read in full...)
What does it mean to be SETTLING
Q. Please tell me if I am settling or am I getting the definitiopn of settling wrong? My boyfriend's drive for a job is not as strong as I am. He was born with a silver spoon in his mouth and was raised spoilt. Everything he does he gonna be pushed ...
A. 10 August 2011: if you feel resentment it will not work. I don't think of it as settling more of compromise...
what things are deal breakers: working? contributing to the household? date night? fidelity? certain sexual acts?
for example: Money is not s... (read in full...)
What can I use other than sex toys for masturbation?
Q. What things can I use to make me orgasm during masturbation. I don't have any sex toys since im too young....
A. 10 August 2011: fingers work just fine.. personally I like a hand held shower massage on the pulse setting...... (read in full...)
Shaving rash driving me crazy but not ready for wax! Help!
Q. Okay so, I've been shaving down there now for about 2 years!bi always exfoliate, I always use plenty of gel, I only do it once a week and use a new blade and afterwards I put aftershave on that keeps the skin cool ! But I still always get a shave ...
A. 10 August 2011: do you shave for yourself or for some boy?
if for a boy stop it.
if for yourself I find that using hair conditioner as a shave lubricant really helps.... some people are just more sensitive to shaving than others btw.... (read in full...)
Is there any explanation for this?
Q. I have this problem after sex, I feel like a constantly need to urinate, I go to the toilet to relieve the feeling and only a small amount of urine passes. So, I have tried to also suppress the feeling because I can't stay on the toilet all day, but ...
A. 10 August 2011: peeing before and after sex is a good thing even if it's only a small amount.
after sex put on a panty liner because URINE is NOT seeping out of your vagina... that is sexual body fluids... no amount of peeing will stop that...... (read in full...)
Is my ex having sex with other men?
Q. is my ex having sex with other men? she still shaves her pubic region everyday i found this out cause we ended up having sex one nite out of the blue so why would she still go through the hassle if shes not having sex with others?...
A. 10 August 2011: 1. it's none of your business
2. perhaps she shaves for herself NOT FOR ANY MAN... (read in full...)
He wants visitation but does not want to pay back child support.Does the father pay in these circumstances?
Q. My ex found out that a child I had a year ago may be his. He had a paternity test and my son is his. However, he knew I was pregnant with his kid but I told him I had a miscarriage early on. He saw me a month before I was due and asked about my bell...
A. 10 August 2011: Where I live visitation and child support payments are NOT tied together so that a parent who is in arrears of CS still has the right to see their child.
I suggest contacting a lawyer as well. IF you are concerned about the safety of the child du... (read in full...)
My wife kisses and sucks her high heels??
Q. My wife is so crazy for her shoes and high heels that she kisses her shoes and sucks her heels when we have sex. Although I too find high heeled shoes sexy isn't this going a bit too overboard? Is it normal for women to do that?...
A. 10 August 2011: sounds like fetish play to me... normal for her... NOT for me...
I did see a guy lick a singer's high heels once at a Divynal's concert once... (read in full...)
Is it okay to not talk on the phone?
Q. Are there any couples out there who never have conversations on the phone and are okay with it? My boyfriend and I have been dating almost a year and we've only had one conversation on the phone. The other times we've talked on the phone were j...
A. 10 August 2011: when we are together we don't talk on the phone... it's only when we are apart more than a day or so... ... (read in full...)
Can being diabetic make a man impotent?
Q. Is it true that a diabetic is impotent. My husband is getting insulin injections aside from oral medications. Is it true he cannt have an erection? He also has problem with prostate. Is it true that this could block the coming out of his semen. ...
A. 10 August 2011: Yes it's very true that diabetic men can and often do have erection problems.... (read in full...)
Why would my rectum be bleeding after using the bathroom?
Q. Dear cupid, my stomach has been hurting all day today and im sure its because of all the junk food i have been eating. Almost every hour im eating something new. Thats because im not eating food so little snacks like chips and ice cream bars do not ...
A. 10 August 2011: a tear or a hemorrhoid... nothing critical...
you need to eat better.. you need fiber and FLUIDS, fruits, veggies, good fats, protein....
if the blood was bright red it's really not that uncommon... (read in full...)
Do women mind if guys feel their breasts during sex?
Q. Once I was with a prostitute and she seemed to feel uncomfortable because I touched her breasts. I don't know if all women are like this or if I had done something wrong. I understand that you shouldn't do anything to make someone feel uncomfortable ...
A. 10 August 2011: depends on the woman...
I don't mind... but it's not a deal breaker if my man does not either... I have one friend who just hugging her gets her aroused so NOT touching them is a deal breaker for her..... (read in full...)
He won't marry me. Should I issue an ultimatum?
Q. Okay, I made a mistake by moving in with my boyfriend, but the damage is done and if anyone can help me, I would appreciate it. Basically, I want to get married and he does not. I have been with him for four years, and have lived with him for thr...
A. 10 August 2011: It will not work. IF you want marriage and he does not and it's a deal breaker for you then you will have to end the relationship....... (read in full...)
We've rushed into engagement - now his friends are telling me he's a player!
Q. Hi people. I've got this problem with this guy that I think we rushed too fast and he's that kind of guy who flirts a lot with girls and he's almost got more girl friends than male friends. Basically we're engaged after just three months ...
A. 10 August 2011: Hugs to you because you are making a very very hard decision.
please do not be afraid to walk away and take care of yourself as needed.... (read in full...)
Is it legal for a 24 year old to date a 17 year old?
Q. Hi to all I've just found out that a friend of mine (24 years old male) is dating a (17 year old female) and just would like know is this legal or illegal and is this right or wrong as i really dont know myself what to say to them both....
A. 9 August 2011: why is this morally wrong???... (read in full...)
We've rushed into engagement - now his friends are telling me he's a player!
Q. Hi people. I've got this problem with this guy that I think we rushed too fast and he's that kind of guy who flirts a lot with girls and he's almost got more girl friends than male friends. Basically we're engaged after just three months ...
A. 9 August 2011: IF you don't trust him now and you are not having more good than bad times then you need to rethink this...
I can promise you if you go through with this marriage one day you will divorce him... you deserve a man you trust....... (read in full...)
I took time off to celebrate his birthday, but he won't do the same for me
Q. I have been seeing this wonderful man for almost a year now. For the first time, he has somewhat hurt my feelings, and as a stupid girl, I played the "it's no biggie" card. We are in a long distance relationship. We are able to see each other a ...
A. 9 August 2011: if you took off for him without him asking you can't expect him to do the same. I take off way more time from work to make my LDR work than my BF does. But i have the ability to do it.. a more secure job more leave, more flexibility..
there... (read in full...)
Am I asking for too much or what??
Q. We turned a year last sunday and I only received one phone call and he was too tires to talk anyways... Here is the story: We met through a mutual friend a year ago. Although it was long distance, he seemed like a good guy so I gave it a chanc...
A. 9 August 2011: are you willing to take on the financial burden??? you will have to if you want to be with him... trust me on this one... my finances are mess due to my past partner but my current partner is helping me to fix it up... he was willing to take on my ... (read in full...)
I've found the truest of true love with him.What can I do to not lose him?
Q. my boyfriend of 10 months just got back from college orientation, a few weeks ago and he's been texting a girl he met there nonstop. Every day and every night since he's been back. They both have a lot in common, and when I say a lot I mean A LOT ...
A. 9 August 2011: I know this hurts but often when high school loves go off to college life changes... he's at least being honest with you now...
YOU will get past this... I promise.... (read in full...)
Is it okay for me to let my boyfriend touch my boobs?
Q. 16 yrs of age. My bf and I are dating for almost 2 yrs. We are in a long distance relationship. We opened a topic via texting about anything no malice no green mindedness,we talked about our pleasures. We're both virgins, and he ended up with a ...
A. 9 August 2011: if you have to ask the answer is no...
at your age LDRs are too hard
have you met? if not... don't fret on this...... (read in full...)
I'm 28 and she is 18, can we overcome the age gap?
Q. This is very weird for me to talk about because I know this is not commonly accepted (especially since I would not normally accept this). I am 28, just moved to the states, and I have become involved with an 18 year old. I have never dated someone ...
A. 9 August 2011: while 10 years is not a HUGE gap.... it's a big gap at 18. Yes it can be worked out but it is really hard at 18 to know what you want. What i wanted at 21 was not what I wanted at 30 and that did not bode well for a marriage then...
FWIW ... (read in full...)
Why doesn't my older boyfriend help with the bills?
Q. I am 26, and am/was dating a 43 year old. I normally tend to date guys younger than me or my same age, but figured I'd try something different this time. Anyways, he has basically been living with me the past 2 months and has never offered anything ...
A. 9 August 2011: this is not about his age. this is about his character which sucks. time to move on in my opinion... (read in full...)
Is it legal for a 24 year old to date a 17 year old?
Q. Hi to all I've just found out that a friend of mine (24 years old male) is dating a (17 year old female) and just would like know is this legal or illegal and is this right or wrong as i really dont know myself what to say to them both....
A. 9 August 2011: In the United States this might be a problem until the 17 yr old is 18 and the 24 yr old is 25 then it's perfectly fine..... (read in full...)
Why does someone cheat when they have what they want at home?
Q. Before I continue with my question, I just want to clarify that I do know all about the saying "Wanting your cake and eat it too" BUT for the life of me I can't fully understanad why either a man/woman would decide to live with either their BF/GF ...
A. 9 August 2011: no i am not saying cheating is permitted; and I did NOT cheat. I was open and honest from the beginning... I asked my spouse to go to counseling he refused. My spouse knew this friend and was well aware of my friendship with him from all angles ... (read in full...)
Are girls jealous that I hook up with guys that they can't get with?
Q. im single and when i get drunk i like to have fun every now and then ive hooked up with a few guys that i know and like from school. are these girls jealous of me for hooking up with a few guys from school that they couldnt get with?...
A. 9 August 2011: not sure what you mean by "hooking up" but I doubt these girls are jealous...they probably pity you and think you are easy and slutty and trashy... ... (read in full...)
Why does someone cheat when they have what they want at home?
Q. Before I continue with my question, I just want to clarify that I do know all about the saying "Wanting your cake and eat it too" BUT for the life of me I can't fully understanad why either a man/woman would decide to live with either their BF/GF ...
A. 9 August 2011: i was in a happy marriage. we did not fight we made love often we were having a nice life.... I thought i had everything i wanted. I met a man who struck a chord in my brain.... it was NOT about sex it was about talking... and laughing and ... (read in full...)
I have no bf and I don't want to masturbate...but I want sex so badly! What should I do??
Q. Dear Cupid, I want to have sex, I want it really bad! But I have no BF, I don't want to masturbate and I don't want to watch porn. I mean, I want to make love with someone but I have failed to get a BF. Hey, I am female 30 yrs, professional and ...
A. 30 July 2011: I'm going to assume that the desire is for closeness and affection which you CANNOT get through masturbation...
are you on any dating sites?
do you have hobbies that you can attend groups of? (btw board gaming is a great way to meet me... (read in full...)
Is he to young?
Q. I'm a 22 year old female and I like a guy who's 19 he likes me too. Is 19 too young?...
A. 30 July 2011: legally no
the rest only you can answer
FWIW when I was 22 my current boyfriend was 9....
after a certain point age is but a number...... (read in full...)
Uncomfortable with my chest size...how should I deal with this? How should I react when I get sleazy comments?
Q. So in a nutshell, I have large boobs. I am 25, probably D cup size, and only 5'1" and 130 lbs; I don't know my cup size for sure because it's been so long since I got measured. And the reason it's been so long is because going to Victoria's Secret ...
A. 30 July 2011: forget VS and go to a good shop that specializes in ladies undergarments (often they sell specialty bras for women who have had cancer and mastectomies)
get measured and fitted properly for a good MINIMIZER bra.
will make a huge difference in... (read in full...)
Guys: Would you ever approach an average looking girl?
Q. I am wondering if there is anything that an average looking girl could do to grab a guys attention? Is there a (non-slutty) way she could dress? A specific perfume? Any behavior? Something she could say? Have you ever developed an attraction fo...
A. 29 July 2011: ummm MOST of the world is average... that's how we get an average after all..
honestly if attraction is all about looks that's pretty shallow.. granted it the FIRST thing most folks notice BUT then they still have to get to know the other pe... (read in full...)
Any "happy ending" love stories?
Q. There are too many "my horrible love life is slowly killing me" posts. Anybody have any happy ending, true love, stories? Thanks! :)...
A. 29 July 2011: ONCE upon a time there was a 10 yr old girl and a 12 year old boy and they met in the orphanage... 20 years later this boy married the girl and they lived happily ever after for 67 years in a double bed. One morning she awoke (they were in their ... (read in full...)
Is it ok for 17 y/o to date a 15 /yo??
Q. Is it ok for a 17 year old (like me ) to date a guy whos almost 15?......
A. 28 July 2011: I don't see too much of a problem as long as the parents are ok with it...
is the concern the age gap in general or that the girl is older than the boy?... (read in full...)
Is getting a nose job a good idea?
Q. I know this is a relationship website, but i really really need some advice as to what to do and how to deal with what people will think. I know i shouldn't care about others opinions but i really can't help it!! Basically, since i was about 11 i...
A. 26 July 2011: if you want it and it will make you feel better emotionally and mentally then I think you should go for it. I am currently recovering from reconstructive plastic surgery (the worst pain I've ever experienced btw) and it cost a great deal of money ... (read in full...)
Do I tell my guy friend that his girlfriend is a complete tramp and people are laughing at him behind his back because he is dating her?
Q. I have a male friend who has been dating this woman for about the last 6 months seriously. He and I had a past, but now we really are just friends and it is cool. He has always been hesitant about relationships since he was burned by who he thought ...
A. 26 July 2011: "heard it from a friend, who heard it from a friend, who heard it from another...."
I really think it's not your place to talk to HIM about this but maybe you and her could go out as friends for coffee and talk about it???? without being accusa... (read in full...)
Do women look too ?
Q. A question that will ignite a debate, we men although may have the most beautiful wife/girlfriend but we keep on looking at other women, we don't get enough! although we may be having the best woman...Are women like us in nature, do they look at men ...
A. 26 July 2011: are you saying that if you see an attractive woman you want to have sex with her is that what you mean by fancy her?
I often say to my friends (or BF even) "can I put him/her on my TO-DO list???" it's a tongue in cheek way of saying I think so... (read in full...)
My boyfriend earns more than me, should he pay for more once we buy a house together?
Q. Hi. I have just had an interesting conversation with my colleague. I am about to buy a house with my bf of 18 months. He has fronted the 10% deposit for the house as he has managed to save really well over the last couple of years whereas I am c**p ...
A. 26 July 2011: "we have only been togther 18 months and whilst buying a house is a massive committment that we are both committed to, in other areas maybe we are holding back slightly and that is ok."
Oh dear.... I have been together less than 9 months with ... (read in full...)
Do women look too ?
Q. A question that will ignite a debate, we men although may have the most beautiful wife/girlfriend but we keep on looking at other women, we don't get enough! although we may be having the best woman...Are women like us in nature, do they look at men ...
A. 25 July 2011: I do.
I also window shop and don't buy things...
I'm in a committed relationship NOT DEAD... (read in full...)
My boyfriend earns more than me, should he pay for more once we buy a house together?
Q. Hi. I have just had an interesting conversation with my colleague. I am about to buy a house with my bf of 18 months. He has fronted the 10% deposit for the house as he has managed to save really well over the last couple of years whereas I am c**p ...
A. 25 July 2011: You have an interesting question... should you pay 50% or should you pay a percentage relative to your salary? I'm going to tell you that I make about 23k more than my boyfriend but since he is putting the down payment on a house we are going to ... (read in full...)
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