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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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How can I feel better? I'm sad about the breakup after I refused him more than we were doing sexually,
Q. I was in sexual relationship with a guy 6 months back. I'm 16 and he is 23. I agreed for sex because I was depressed after my break-up and I wanted to get over my ex. It was online relation. We used to sex chat. We never did it in real. He want...
A. 16 September 2011: NOT ONLY should you ignore him you should BLOCK HIM on facebook then he can't send friend requests and upset you... (read in full...)
How can I feel better? I'm sad about the breakup after I refused him more than we were doing sexually,
Q. I was in sexual relationship with a guy 6 months back. I'm 16 and he is 23. I agreed for sex because I was depressed after my break-up and I wanted to get over my ex. It was online relation. We used to sex chat. We never did it in real. He want...
A. 13 September 2011: honey we all want hugs.
can you become a big sister to someone who needs support too?
I know it's lonely when you are not busy... maybe find a hobby that keeps you busy???... (read in full...)
How can I feel better? I'm sad about the breakup after I refused him more than we were doing sexually,
Q. I was in sexual relationship with a guy 6 months back. I'm 16 and he is 23. I agreed for sex because I was depressed after my break-up and I wanted to get over my ex. It was online relation. We used to sex chat. We never did it in real. He want...
A. 12 September 2011: you did NOT do wrong to remove him
he does not care for YOU he cares for what YOU will DO FOR HIM... that's not caring for you...
do not agree to sex chat and do not care if he leaves.
i know this hurts... it will pass with time.... (read in full...)
How can I feel better? I'm sad about the breakup after I refused him more than we were doing sexually,
Q. I was in sexual relationship with a guy 6 months back. I'm 16 and he is 23. I agreed for sex because I was depressed after my break-up and I wanted to get over my ex. It was online relation. We used to sex chat. We never did it in real. He want...
A. 12 September 2011: You WILL be happy without him. IGNORE him. he will escalate his behavior and try harder and harder to get you to acknowledge him.. IGNORE HIM
live well...... (read in full...)
I worry the age difference might be too much.
Q. So a couple months ago I met this guy at the gym and we see eachother there a lot and just say hi and eventually he added me on facebook. About 3 weeks ago, we had a conversation and exchanged numbers. Since then we've talked almost everynight on ...
A. 11 September 2011: 17 almost 18? and he's 24... so it's a mere 6 years? which at your age seems huge... as you age it gets smaller and smaller...
my boyfriend is 13 years younger than I am...
stay friends...at least till you are 18 when it's legal to be mor... (read in full...)
Am I too short for him?
Q. Hi, well, I'm 20 and my bf is 28. I'm 5.1 feet and he is 6.1 feet. I wasn't seeing that as a problem until a couple of times at the street some people kinda stare at us. my bf laughed at it but it's really bother me. Do you think I'm too short fo...
A. 11 September 2011: my mom was 5'2" my dad 6'2"
I'm 5'2" my last husband was 6"4"
nope not too short.... (read in full...)
Even though I've had my tubes tied, could I be pregnant???
Q. I'm 44 and had my tubes tied but hadnt had period in 2 months. i also had some slight bleeding after sex, when i wiped it was light in color and only when i wiped it last thru the day and was gone the next day but happend again after the next 2 ...
A. 11 September 2011: time for a visit to the doctor.
if you had your tubes just crimped it's possible they came uncrimped (that's the tied part)
if they were just cut it's possible they grew back
if they were just cauterized well that's better but still..
... (read in full...)
Please help me to accept her past
Q. I’m in my first relationship and have been rocked by a revelation from my girlfriend. I’ve been trying to deal with it myself – for reasons that will become clear I can’t discuss it with friends – but it is driving my insane. I really need some help ...
A. 11 September 2011: if you can't get past it and can't forgive her than I suggest you end it. every time you fight you will throw it in her face and she will be hurt and angry and eventually it will cause her to leave.
young people make mistakes. if you truly lo... (read in full...)
How can I convince my Boyfriend to help me get pregnant even though he does not need to help me bring the baby up?
Q. i need help... hi i am asking your help to convinceing my bf to get me pregnant but its not working. he does not want to have children or get marryed but i would like to some day soon for children and marry later on... he is 27 and i am 19 i k...
A. 11 September 2011: how would you feel if he was posting on here "how do I convince my gf to let me get her pregnant, I want a baby and she does not but once the baby is born she's done and I won't need her in any way shape or form to help me"?
YOU cannot and s... (read in full...)
Am I obsessed about her and controlling?
Q. Hello DearCupid members, Some things to know: * I am a 16 year old male that is madly in love with this really beautiful (well, I think so anyway) woman who is the same age as me. * We have known each other for three years. And I have l...
A. 11 September 2011: I get the whole get into bed and make the "bedtime tuck in phone call" but then you need to say good night hang up the phone and GO TO SLEEP.
IF you have not met her in person then I'm sorry to inform you but you are PLANNING a relationship... (read in full...)
Help!!! What are the pros and cons of having anal sex???
Q. My boyfriend wants me to try anal sex. I am very open to something like this. However I want to know the pros and cons of anal sex? It's a simple and short question, and help would be much appreciated....
A. 10 September 2011: you CAN get pregnant... if the semen drips down into the vaginal canal....
he should wear a condom anyway so he does not get an infection e.coli is nothing to mess with...
PROS in my opinion... your man is very grateful for this.
cons: ... (read in full...)
How can I feel better? I'm sad about the breakup after I refused him more than we were doing sexually,
Q. I was in sexual relationship with a guy 6 months back. I'm 16 and he is 23. I agreed for sex because I was depressed after my break-up and I wanted to get over my ex. It was online relation. We used to sex chat. We never did it in real. He want...
A. 10 September 2011: you made a mistake... forgive yourself... be true to yourself from now on and move on... it was just chat which isn't the most horrible thing in the world and it's not something you should feel you have to share about yourself with new partners... ... (read in full...)
How can I feel better? I'm sad about the breakup after I refused him more than we were doing sexually,
Q. I was in sexual relationship with a guy 6 months back. I'm 16 and he is 23. I agreed for sex because I was depressed after my break-up and I wanted to get over my ex. It was online relation. We used to sex chat. We never did it in real. He want...
A. 10 September 2011: he didn't care for you he wanted sex. he told you basically "I am only using you for sex".... he told you he would leave if you wouldn't sex him... at least he was honest.
block him
move on
and this time find a boy your own age... an age ga... (read in full...)
How do I confront him about the texts I found on his phone?
Q. please can you help me, i checked my partner of 2 years phone and found a lot of girls numbers and some very sexy texts, which he has replied to, i am heartbroken ,how can cofront him when i had to put his pin number in to get in his phone ,i feel ...
A. 10 September 2011: no you have not been wrong to let the texting upset you. he's cheating on you emotionally and lying about it by not telling you... emotional cheating is what killed my last marriage... he cheated on me emotionally and i asked him to stop and he ... (read in full...)
Have I lost my virginity to a cucumber??
Q. I am a 19 yr old girl who has always prided myself on the idea of being a virgin when I got married. I got super horny tonight, though, and used a cucumber. I didnt notice until afterwards that I had bled. Does this mean I have lost my virginity? Or ...
A. 9 September 2011: still a virgin..... did you peel the cucumber before you made the salad?... (read in full...)
B/f went to bathroom then couldn't come back and have sex
Q. I'm asking for some advice on something that I don't understand of a sexual nature. (I'm not very experienced) My boyfriend and I were in bed and then he said hang on he's got to urinate, when he comes back he gets going again and then lost the erec...
A. 9 September 2011: yep it happens now and then... don't make a big deal about it... use the time to kiss and cuddle and know that next time he probably won't drink so much and it won't be a huge problem It's true that men are NOT SUPPOSED to be able to pee with a... (read in full...)
I love 3 older married men and I'm only 18.
Q. Hi, I am an 18 year old girl, and I am single. I met one of my mums friends husband last year and I instantly felt a connection with him. He had just been made redundant so he got a job at where me and my dad worked. He is 31 and probably not the ...
A. 8 September 2011: ok so you like older men... that's fine
find some that aren't married.
maybe you go for the married ones because they are safe?
it's just crushes hon... it can't be love and for you to even have to ask that tells me you are not ready to pur... (read in full...)
My ex has forgotten when my birthday is. Do I have a right to be peeved or am I making a big deal of nothing?
Q. My ex and me were together for just under six months. It's been several months now since we broke up. We've tried to be friends since then but it has been difficult for me because she ended it and then got a new boyfriend soon after. Anyway, t...
A. 8 September 2011: I vote for making a big deal over nothing.
I have had 3 husbands... I can't remember the first two's birthdays. seriously.. the first one it's in late november sometime.. the second.. no recollection at all.. the third... well I do remember... (read in full...)
My wife thinks I have a small penis!
Q. I have a troubling issue in my marriage. To get right to the point, it has to do with penis size and my wife's perception. I am about 5.75 by 5 around and I always thought fairly average. When my wife and I talk it is clear that she thinks ...
A. 8 September 2011: sounds to me like she is TRYING to hurt you... the issue is WHY?
Personally as a small-in-stature woman I can say that you would be damn PERFECT for me. too big hurts.. and I much don't care for penetration anyway...
I love my partn... (read in full...)
How do I confront him about the texts I found on his phone?
Q. please can you help me, i checked my partner of 2 years phone and found a lot of girls numbers and some very sexy texts, which he has replied to, i am heartbroken ,how can cofront him when i had to put his pin number in to get in his phone ,i feel ...
A. 8 September 2011: why do YOU feel guilty (granted spying is a bad thing) why is this YOUR fault.
I would never think to check my current partner's phone he gives me no reason to think he's cheating. My last husband.. you bet I checked.. he was a liar and a cheat ... (read in full...)
Ever since he's gone long distance he doesn't make the effort to communicate.
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for a few months at university and over the summer we've had to go long distance. At first it was all fine but lately it's been a problem of communication and I keep on feeling as though he doesn't make enough ...
A. 7 September 2011: if he's not making the effort then he's not as interested as you want him to be.
Men who are in love would move mountains for the woman they are in love with.... (read in full...)
He says he can't do long distance but then says he will wait for me. What?
Q. This is going to be kind of long, but I'll try to keep it as short as possible: I have been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half. I just moved away to finish school (only 3 hours away from him). He told me from the beginning that he has trie...
A. 7 September 2011: LDRs are hard... even when you have time and money and can see each other often...
I think that being friends but not romantic partners over the next two years might be the way to go...... (read in full...)
I need help to decide between two men
Q. I need help to decide between two men. I created a pickle for myself and I am having a hard time finding the right way out of it. Background: I have dated a guy for five years. I am currently 26, he is currently 30 years old. It has been five ye...
A. 7 September 2011: Well while I agree with Danielepew about not making a choice (since you will not need to MAKE a choice when you already know)... I will just say that IF the only reason you are not going to be with someone is due to a difference in ages I say go for ... (read in full...)
My husband won't have sex until I dress up like a man??
Q. I'm 32, and my husband's 36, and I work in website design/corporate sites on a freelance basis, my husband's a chef at a local restaurant/Indian place. Over the past 3-4 weeks or so, he's been begging me to dress up differently when having sex. ...
A. 7 September 2011: if it was me I'd offer to TRY it once and see how it felt for me... if it felt ok I'd keep it up.
My BF likes to dress... he makes a pretty girl.... I don't care one way or the other if he does it or not but it is not a reflection on how he feels... (read in full...)
He wants to have sex but I think I'm too young, what should I do?
Q. Ok. So I know your going to complain about my age. :/ so please don't. See I have been dating this guy for 2 years from today. He is amazing and is always making me feel special about myself. He says that the love he has for me is uncomparable ...
A. 7 September 2011: if you don't feel ready (and it's good you should not feel ready at 13) you say NO
IF he does not respect that, he does not respect you and he is not a good boyfriend for you.
NO MAN who loves a woman forces her to do something she does n... (read in full...)
He gets mad when I don't want sex!
Q. Hey guys, i'm 15 and basically i've been with my 16 year old boyfriend for 3 and a half months now, and we started having sex 2 months into our relationship. since then we've had it 37 times. I don't know if its right but I feel completely taken for ...
A. 7 September 2011: honey he's no boyfriend... he's mistreating you
he's rude and crude and wrong.
I'm sorry. if he forces you it's rape. ... (read in full...)
Is this a scam?
Q. I have an appointment with a Casting Agency, which i applied to to become a Supporting Artist/Extra, but they told me that i have to pay £40 to have some photos taken !. Do you think this is a scam, and should i not bother going to them ?. I have ...
A. 7 September 2011: never pay for this....... (read in full...)
How do I stop being so dependent on him?
Q. We pretty much had been in a relationship for about a month before we both went off to college two weeks ago. There is a two hour travel distance between the two colleges, so technically we're long distance. My biggest worry with him is hell dump ...
A. 7 September 2011: YOU have yourself on a leash.. he does not...
IF you don't contact him he will not contact you I am sure... it's not a relationship now, it's you holding on to a dream.
HE is not the man you need or want him to be... that's clear in his beh... (read in full...)
Is he having sex with her to get her money?
Q. am a girl of 25 years and have dated my guy for almost 5yrs now and it looks as if am not having money now aday so he's chasing a girl that has money....but i ask him about it and he said..his trying to get that girl's money for as to get marry..so ...
A. 7 September 2011: so this boy of yours who professes to love you is willing to sleep with another woman for money? either it's prostitution on his part or he's conning her. OR WORSE, he's conning you.
in any way his morals are suspect...
my advice.... leave... (read in full...)
How do I confront him about the texts I found on his phone?
Q. please can you help me, i checked my partner of 2 years phone and found a lot of girls numbers and some very sexy texts, which he has replied to, i am heartbroken ,how can cofront him when i had to put his pin number in to get in his phone ,i feel ...
A. 7 September 2011: you had to have had a reason for looking...what made you feel the need to check his phone?
if you believe him to be cheating (even emotionally) what do you expect him to do about it when confronted with it?
what outcome do you want?
do yo... (read in full...)
Why is my mom so upset about the way my husband and I treat each other?
Q. Hello, I am a 31 year old married woman. You have given me great advice in the past. Here is my problem: This is a little long with background. My father and my husband get along great. My dad usually calls him, son, when he talks to him; ...
A. 6 September 2011: OH and of course so many folks do NOT get the concept of "dominate from the bottom"
In many relationships the true person in charge is the submissive one...... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is already engaged to someone
Q. I am dating this other guy,well he is 12 years older than me, he is great...he treats me well, and we started dating in January this year but the sad thing is he has a fiancée and they are living together, should i go on with this relationship?...
A. 6 September 2011: no you must end it.
he is with someone else and just using you... (read in full...)
Husband doesn't love me but doesn't want divorce because he wants the property
Q. My husband does not love me. He is searching young girls for long term relationship keeping our marriage as it. He loves my education, property, and background, not me. He always harass me in front of his family and close friends. When I asked for ...
A. 6 September 2011: if it was me I'd leave. IF you can go then do so.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is marrying another girl, which is now making me stressed!
Q. My boyfriend is married with some other girl. She doesn't keep him happy in any way. She is arrogant and doesn't respect him. He himself tells me all this. He is 15 years elder than me. We had three years intense relationship. I suggested him to get ...
A. 6 September 2011: just because he is 36 does not make him mature.
threating to hurt himself to blackmail you into staying with him is manipulative and immature.
he has an illness... it's mental so you can't really see it but he can hurt you so stay away.... (read in full...)
Why does my BF have my name listed as "Christopher" on his phone? Could he be cheating on me?
Q. I just discovered that my boyfriend has me listed in his phone by a male name - Christopher, when clearly that is not my name. My name doesn't even start with the letter C. This is sooooooo very strange, and I was not happy about this. I asked ...
A. 6 September 2011: yep, he's hiding something.... ... (read in full...)
Why is my mom so upset about the way my husband and I treat each other?
Q. Hello, I am a 31 year old married woman. You have given me great advice in the past. Here is my problem: This is a little long with background. My father and my husband get along great. My dad usually calls him, son, when he talks to him; ...
A. 6 September 2011: I think it sounds like a perfect marriage. He loves you, you love him, you both respect each other... what your mum or dad thinks is not anyone's business.
You are not in danger you are not being abused if anything you probably have way more... (read in full...)
Second chance? promises? what are the chances the relationship will last this time?
Q. If a couple who have been together only a yr. or so have a lot of issues throughout their relationship end up breaking up and then 2 mths. later decide to reunite without really working through these issues, can this relationship survive the second ...
A. 6 September 2011: if the issues are not resolved they will resurface... if they were the reason for the break-up they will still be there. IGNORING the elephant in the living room does not make it go away..
for us we had a huge huge HUGE blow up (less than a... (read in full...)
He waited 23 years to express his disappointment. How many people out there did not have sex on their first wedding night?
Q. How many people did not have sex on their wedding night and waited until the honeymoon?? Husband was upset that we did not have sex on wedding night. We did have sex as soon as we arrived at the hotel on the honeymoon. when i tried to explain...
A. 6 September 2011: I did not at the first wedding or the third....
it's highly over rated wedding night sex.
... (read in full...)
Should I have invited him back to my cabin??
Q. Having just returned from a cruise and had a lovely time-towards the end I became friendly with a nice man slightly older than myself (although he was friendly and chatted to everyone) however we had lunch together several times and coffee one ...
A. 3 September 2011: IF he fancies you he will contact you. Had you invited him back he might have just had his way with you and be done with it. Giving your body to a man does not promise that he will continue to contact you. Personally I think you did the right th... (read in full...)
Should I be scared of having sex for the first time?
Q. Ok so, im 17 and, this is the first time im gonna be having sex and im a little scared , i mean i dont know if i should be, should i be scared of the frist time ???...
A. 2 September 2011: my feeling on this is if you are scared you are not ready.... (read in full...)
My fiancee spends no time with me.....
Q. iv been with my fiance for 7 years and been living togather in my perents basment for 2 years, she got sick 4 months ago and went to the hospital for 1 week then she went to her sisters house after the hospital just to feel better and come back ...
A. 2 September 2011: Stop chasing after her. Let her go... she may realize she does love you and want to be with you but right now you are not giving her the space to miss you...... (read in full...)
My GF has the sex drive of a man-is this normal?
Q. Dear Cupid, I have found the perfect woman, but that's the problem - she's too perfect. She doesn't care that I've just been made redundant, orgasms through penetration alone when we have sex, genuinely finds me physically attractive and explai...
A. 2 September 2011: There is NOTHING wrong with your woman. What's wrong is that your views of women are rather skewed..
in my world at least:
women who like women like sex
women who like men like sex
women who like both like sex
in fact, most of us hav... (read in full...)
She checked out the waiter and now I'm wondering if I should be worried?
Q. I have a fiance that i am mad about, but i got a bad impression a few days ago that has been driving me crazy. We were at a bar having drinks, when a decently fit waiter showed up to serve us, and could see that she was impressed by his appearance ...
A. 1 September 2011: I want a new car I'm not getting one. I want new shoes I'm not getting new shoes..
just because she lusted after someone else does not mean she does not want you.
my fiance wants to know if you guys went home and had hot sex.. cause when we go... (read in full...)
Am I being immature for being annoyed by finding a male friend of hers asleep on her sofa?
Q. I am a 51 year old male that have been seeing a gal for a few months. I am not really the jealous type. I work graveyard shift and had been pretty much staying with my girlfriend every day. I came home for lunch at two a.m. to find a male friend of ...
A. 1 September 2011: I would have let my partner know I was having a friend over that's just courtesy.
Would you have been upset if it was a female friend?
what if she had told you the male friend was coming over?
it could have been worse they could have ... (read in full...)
Mum has outstayed her welcome but she has nowhere else to go!
Q. my 79 year old mum has got a fear of living on her own and spending nights on her own. she is fit and well for her age, she does not even look 79, she is not like a frail old lady. when i had my baby and got a house of my own and moved out she mo...
A. 1 September 2011: i think to be honest, your mom is being a bit manipulative of you and your sister. I am sure if you "threw her to the wolves" so to speak she would "man up"... (read in full...)
Mum has outstayed her welcome but she has nowhere else to go!
Q. my 79 year old mum has got a fear of living on her own and spending nights on her own. she is fit and well for her age, she does not even look 79, she is not like a frail old lady. when i had my baby and got a house of my own and moved out she mo...
A. 31 August 2011: do you have assisted living or adult apartments where you are? sounds like she's lonely
maybe find her a day care program so she's not so lonely?... (read in full...)
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