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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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My boyfriend wants our LDR to be an open relationship...
Q. My boyfriend and I had been dating about three months when our relationship became long distance due to circumstances beyound our control. It's been three months since I had to move, and we've only been able to see each other once since then. ...
A. 16 September 2011: open only for him is not fair.
open for both or neither.
rules go both ways.
LDRS are hard.... (read in full...)
How can I feel better? I'm sad about the breakup after I refused him more than we were doing sexually,
Q. I was in sexual relationship with a guy 6 months back. I'm 16 and he is 23. I agreed for sex because I was depressed after my break-up and I wanted to get over my ex. It was online relation. We used to sex chat. We never did it in real. He want...
A. 16 September 2011: NOT ONLY should you ignore him you should BLOCK HIM on facebook then he can't send friend requests and upset you... (read in full...)
My husband is very particular about how he likes oral, is this normal?
Q. Hello, I have written in before and gotten excellent advice. My last posting was about a week ago about my mom objecting to the way my husband and I treat each other. We have three kids (biological), 8, 5, and 2, and have the adoption of an 1...
A. 13 September 2011: i think that most people find a routine that works and stick with it.... (read in full...)
What would you do if you had a girlfriend, but another woman was very loud about liking you?
Q. I think I want to ask this question to guys out there. Lets say you have a girlfriend of 8 months (not living together), you get along well, haven't really had any big problems, you've met her kids, you go on dates every friday and saturday and ...
A. 13 September 2011: do you even have to think about this?
if you are committed to your gf you tell this hussy of a woman to stop it. and you don't give in to it.
besides if you do and then break up I bet she stalks you.... (read in full...)
We have clicked as soul mates. She's married but doesn't like her spouse. Do I tell her I have feelings for her?
Q. Well it's a hard situation. I work with this amazing girl and we talk all the time and can tell each other anything about anything. We hang out alot outside of work, text each other and can talk for hours. Unfortunately she is married and has been ...
A. 13 September 2011: I left a dying marriage for the man I'm with now. No children involved and my husband was aware of the relationship from the get-go....
it happens... and it can work but she has to be open and honest and above board....
sometimes peo... (read in full...)
Torn between old and new love
Q. My husband wants me back but I have a new boyfriend, my husband was perfect, wirlwind romance, great career, funny, never argued, handsome, took my daughter on like his own then one day I discovered he has been on internet dating sites my world ...
A. 13 September 2011: sounds to me like any time you find someone and are happy your husband wants you back but if you end the relationship to be with the husband he flakes off... honey he's playing games.
no one man is perfect... but a man who plays games and li... (read in full...)
How can I feel better? I'm sad about the breakup after I refused him more than we were doing sexually,
Q. I was in sexual relationship with a guy 6 months back. I'm 16 and he is 23. I agreed for sex because I was depressed after my break-up and I wanted to get over my ex. It was online relation. We used to sex chat. We never did it in real. He want...
A. 13 September 2011: honey we all want hugs.
can you become a big sister to someone who needs support too?
I know it's lonely when you are not busy... maybe find a hobby that keeps you busy???... (read in full...)
How can I make my GF want to have sex with me again?
Q. Ok so I've been together with my GF for 5 1/2 months and everything had been working until she went on vacation, but she's definitely not the type to cheat on me, she came back and was normal in every way except for sex. As soon as I touch her in an ...
A. 13 September 2011: sounds to me like something or someone happened on her vacation...
have you asked her what's up?
... (read in full...)
I am worried about telling a man I had a boob job in case he is repulsed. How do men feel about breast implants?
Q. Hi, I am going to re-send this question as I have only had one answer and the answer that I did get only gave one - very strong - personal bias. Does anyone feel differently about this issue please? If the woman in question was otherwise a perfect ...
A. 13 September 2011: oh goodness... your breasts do NOT define you. AND after he gets to know you he may be just fine with it.
I think you are worrying about NOTHING to be honest but here's my sad tale:
My boyfriend met me AFTER I had lost a huge amount of w... (read in full...)
From start to finish in 4.5 months?
Q. I'll keep this short as possible. If a couple met and dated 4 1/2 months (long distance) then got married and had a kid within a year...what are the chances it wt wil. Work? Please help...thanks...
A. 13 September 2011: I should have read the follow up
NOT a chance in hell.... (read in full...)
From start to finish in 4.5 months?
Q. I'll keep this short as possible. If a couple met and dated 4 1/2 months (long distance) then got married and had a kid within a year...what are the chances it wt wil. Work? Please help...thanks...
A. 13 September 2011: 50/50 just like the rest of the world.
if you are asking and it's your situation I sense that something is already wrong???... (read in full...)
Can you be married and fall in love with another person?
Q. Is it possible to fall in love with someone else when you are married?...
A. 13 September 2011: A moral man who is not leaving his family is really a good thing...
I am sorry you are in love with a man you can't have. I am sorry your no longer in love with your husband.
do you need to figure out a way to leave your marriage?... (read in full...)
I despise my married lover...he's a liar...so how do I get out of this one?
Q. How am I going to be able to last the next 7 weeks with my boyfriend when he makes my skin crawl? He is married and I've been seeing him for a couple of years. Earlier this year we booked a holiday for november but I'm having serious second t...
A. 13 September 2011: chalk up the money lost to lessons learned and move forward... seriously I'm sorry for the loss of money but yoru sanity is worth way more than this.... (read in full...)
Morality Issue? To tell my partner, or not, that I received an unwanted, and rejected, advance on line?
Q. Here's a question for everyone, just curious: Let's say you get a personal message from an online community member (like you're on a forum with hobbies you enjoy, or whatever, not Facebook.) This message is from a person of the opposite sex and...
A. 13 September 2011: have you told your husband how you feel? what does he say? personally I'd get a kick out of it since after all he's YOUR man not theirs.. and it strokes his ego I'm sure and that's probably good for you.
He's not hiding it from you that's a... (read in full...)
If a girl lets you do things for her, does it mean she likes you?
Q. I met this girl and she asks me to drive her places, and I helped her move. I also help her out by giving her advice. My best bud says if a girl is always looking to you to help her with stuff it means she likes you. I am not sure though. I really ...
A. 13 September 2011: maybe she does
maybe she doesn't
like you the way you like her...
but the truth is that if she's asking for help and letting you help she may just need the help.
IF you want more you need to move on it now... call her and ask her for ... (read in full...)
We are dating and I want to know, where we stand...how can I ask him? Help!
Q. I've been going on regular dates with a guy for about 3 months, we know each other through friends for over a year. We are at like 10 dates or so by now. Usually on a weekly basis. He puts lots of thought into them, and almost always insists on ...
A. 13 September 2011: I am the man in my relationship. My bf is totally the woman. I said I love you first. I proposed to him (cause he said he wanted me to). I'm older.
Put your heart on the line and take a chance. Yes men love the chase for the most part but... (read in full...)
I despise my married lover...he's a liar...so how do I get out of this one?
Q. How am I going to be able to last the next 7 weeks with my boyfriend when he makes my skin crawl? He is married and I've been seeing him for a couple of years. Earlier this year we booked a holiday for november but I'm having serious second t...
A. 12 September 2011: why do you have to be with him?
just don't go.... (read in full...)
He won't see our child if we aren't together
Q. Hi me and my ex/ babydad got into a really bad argument in july and he won't see our kid its going on 3 months. We dated awhile the relationship ended because of (jealousy) and he won't see our child if we're not together what do I do?? How do I go ...
A. 12 September 2011: Emotional blackmail is ugly.
Is he paying his child support? IF NOT get a lawyer and take him to court for the child support. He does not have to see the child to support him/her... (read in full...)
Why is my son reacting this way to her absence?
Q. I am a 35 year old widowed father of a 7 year old son. His mother died a few years ago from drugs. I own my own business, which has been doing well, but is time consuming. So, I had hired a nanny to help care for my son. I began dating a w...
A. 12 September 2011: because he likes the rules and is afraid if she leaves she takes the rules with her...... (read in full...)
I want my boyfriend to hit me.. Is this normal?
Q. For some reason, I have a strong desire to be in an abusive relationship with a guy. I want to be hit, thrown to the ground, or pushed into a wall. I'm not sure if this is normal or not though. My boyfriend seems like the kind of guy who may do ...
A. 12 September 2011: I get the BDSM qualities of the relationship you are looking for.. but they need to be a well planned well mapped out part of your life... not random violence
I suggest you find a therapist to help you figure out if you are actually a submissi... (read in full...)
How can I feel better? I'm sad about the breakup after I refused him more than we were doing sexually,
Q. I was in sexual relationship with a guy 6 months back. I'm 16 and he is 23. I agreed for sex because I was depressed after my break-up and I wanted to get over my ex. It was online relation. We used to sex chat. We never did it in real. He want...
A. 12 September 2011: you did NOT do wrong to remove him
he does not care for YOU he cares for what YOU will DO FOR HIM... that's not caring for you...
do not agree to sex chat and do not care if he leaves.
i know this hurts... it will pass with time.... (read in full...)
My g/f doesn't have good legs and I'm not sexually attracted to her!
Q. I've been dating my girlfriend for 5 years. Unfortunately, try as I might, I haven't found her sexually attractive for some time. We have marriage plans, and I'm sure she would be a good life partner, mother, etc., but I don't know if this can work ...
A. 12 September 2011: so what's changed in the recent past that all of a sudden legs that were acceptable 5 years ago are no longer acceptable?
if you dated a girl with nice legs it would not fix the problems.. you would have a girl with nice legs but she might ha... (read in full...)
Has anyone worried about having an unattractive child?
Q. so this isnt a bf/gf type question but i do need a bit of advice. Has anyone ever been worried about having an unattractive child? It may seem selfish....but i cant believe im the only one who has ever worried. Help please?...
A. 12 September 2011: never worried about the attractiveness of my children. both are attractive.
one is also disabled. i never worried about that either... but I still got it.... (read in full...)
I am seriously broke right now because of him
Q. Dear CUPID!! I'm 23 my boyfriends 35. He recently got fired from his job and has been asking me for money. I recently lent him 2 hundred bucks to attend a football game. I am seriously broke right now because of him. I know he lost his job and I do ...
A. 12 September 2011: 200 bucks to go to a football game is very different than 200 bucks to pay rent or utilities or buy food....
is he getting unemployment? does he have a plan to pay you back?... (read in full...)
How do you really feel about skinny jeans?
Q. I know this isn't a deep question, but how do you all feel about skinny jeans/tight pants on women? For most of my life I've worn pants that fit or were a little loose. They aren't falling off my butt or anything and I go and do visit tailors ...
A. 12 September 2011: I have a pair and I'm 51! No Camel toe... ugh... and they don't leave marks on me when I wear them so they aren't too tight... the spandex makes them fit nicely
I like them with boots.... (read in full...)
Can masturbation cause health issues?
Q. Hi everyone my question is short. If you masterbate years and years, is there any disease you may catch or effects to body or genitals? My back aches hard. I dont no whether its my bed not comfortable when i sleep or its because of me masturbating. ...
A. 12 September 2011: you probably need a new bed.
you cannot catch a disease from masturbating. do not insert anything into your anus or urethra (the hole at the tip of the penis) wash your hands before and after and you should be fine...... (read in full...)
I care so deeply for this girl, I don't want her to slip up and kill herself
Q. Well it looks like I've found myself between a rock and a really hard place.. We've been together for 2 months, everthing's been going great. I know who she really is, she's sweet and cute and I guess a little on the shy side, I accept all of wh...
A. 12 September 2011: you guys are so young...
you really need to talk to an adult and get her some help.
Weed will not kill you... most doctors don't even bat an eye when told about it... (BTW you should always tell your doctor when doing drugs even illegal o... (read in full...)
Husband on websites saying he's single!
Q. my husband as been going on dating sites saying hes single, phoning and texting women why...
A. 12 September 2011: because he's looking for a little something-something on the side...
did you ASK HIM?
he probably wants the excitement of the flirtation at best and a full blown affair at worst...
he's lying to them and to you I'm sure.... (read in full...)
Husband Doesn't Give Me Access to Any Money
Q. I am a stay-home mother to a two year old daughter and a one month old son. Before our first child was born I worked full time but my husband and I felt it was important for one of us to be around while our kids are little. He makes more money than ...
A. 12 September 2011: Sounds so much like my first marriage. My mother used to give me money so I would have cash.
have you asked him to show you the budget?
do you know where all the money is going?
do you have a say in what is spent at all?... (read in full...)
Husband has been acting really shady lately
Q. I need some advice... My husband has been acting real shady lately... He'll be on his phone in another room, and then jumps when I walk in the door. He carries his phone into the bathroom with him, won't go anywhere, even in the house, without his ...
A. 12 September 2011: i do not think you are over reacting. I think there is something going on with someone... whether it's physical or emotional does not matter.. it's a betrayal.
... (read in full...)
Sex life going downhill and don't know what to do about it!
Q. I'm in need of some serious help/advice. I need to know how I can spice things up in the bedroom with my husband. Lately our sex life has gone down hill, he can't last like he used to and half the time he doesn't even seem interested anymore. For ...
A. 12 September 2011: Well first of all you need to TALK TO HIM and ask him what's changed....... (read in full...)
Can you be married and fall in love with another person?
Q. Is it possible to fall in love with someone else when you are married?...
A. 12 September 2011: yeah it is.... it's not pretty for the marriage and it shows that there are some serious flaws in the marriage or in the people within the marriage.
and it's NOT cool to act on it without being HONEST about it.... (read in full...)
Am I right to be angry at my parents' relationship with my ex?
Q. I split with my ex of 9 years 16 months ago. It was, as far as it can be, amicable and fortunately there were no other people involved, nor did we have kids. My ex bought me out of our house and I have my own flat and she has, just last week, sold ...
A. 12 September 2011: I don't think you have a right to be pissed.
My father has a relationship with my ex husband and his wife (we share grown children together so that's why)
I have a relationship iwth my soon to be ex husband's parents... I still call his mother ... (read in full...)
We are dating and I want to know, where we stand...how can I ask him? Help!
Q. I've been going on regular dates with a guy for about 3 months, we know each other through friends for over a year. We are at like 10 dates or so by now. Usually on a weekly basis. He puts lots of thought into them, and almost always insists on ...
A. 12 September 2011: the only way to know is to ask
to not tell him how you feel is to play games. don't do that.... (read in full...)
Confusion over two guys in my life! Help!
Q. I still have feeling for my ex,and he just proposed to me. But right now I'm in another relationship,though i don't trust my present bf that much,but i also love him. Am so confused right now...
A. 12 September 2011: if you can't choose between two men you aren't ready to make a choice...
and in my opinion TRUST is the most critical part of a relationship... if you can't TRUST someone how do you make a life with them always worrying about the lies, or the... (read in full...)
My LDR boyfriend is always too busy with work to have time for me
Q. nice to meet u everyone. i am a japanese and my boyfriend is foreigner. i have some problem now...give me some advice. but i have to say first, sorry if my english is wrong. well we've been long distance relationship in 2 years. recently my boyfrien...
A. 12 September 2011: 2 years LDR... and he's BUSY and you are always the one rowing the boat (meaning you are the one that says I LOVE YOU and you are the one that makes contact first)....
he's not as in to you as you are into him....
... (read in full...)
Would u have sex with someone if they promised a job?
Q. would u have sex with someone if they promised you a job or if theyd support you but you were a virgin...
A. 12 September 2011: no.... (read in full...)
Can this LD relationship work?
Q. I have fallen for a girl in another city, about 100 miles away, we both drive so I guess its not to much of a issue, the real issues are I work 60 hours a week, she has a ex bf who is always in the picture, she has a 2 yr old. she is 4 years ...
A. 12 September 2011: 100 miles? totally doable. we are just now "closing the gap" and my bf is moving down to be with me.... our 100 mile commute every weekend was totally worth it.... we will be together a year the beginning of November.
LDRs work as long as ... (read in full...)
How can I feel better? I'm sad about the breakup after I refused him more than we were doing sexually,
Q. I was in sexual relationship with a guy 6 months back. I'm 16 and he is 23. I agreed for sex because I was depressed after my break-up and I wanted to get over my ex. It was online relation. We used to sex chat. We never did it in real. He want...
A. 12 September 2011: You WILL be happy without him. IGNORE him. he will escalate his behavior and try harder and harder to get you to acknowledge him.. IGNORE HIM
live well...... (read in full...)
Could someone please explain men's choice of porn? Is who they watch the 'look' that really truly turns them on?
Q. So, I really want to understand how a man chooses what porn to watch... my bf watches videos featuring MILFs and latina women, but I am a young (same age as him), Swedish (same nationality as him) girl! Does it mean he prefers older and Latina ...
A. 11 September 2011: my bf prefers young Asian women in his porn... I am 13 years older than him and not Asian. He also prefers light eyes and i have dark brown eyes...
just because they have a fantasy type does not mean they don't desire the woman that's actua... (read in full...)
I worry the age difference might be too much.
Q. So a couple months ago I met this guy at the gym and we see eachother there a lot and just say hi and eventually he added me on facebook. About 3 weeks ago, we had a conversation and exchanged numbers. Since then we've talked almost everynight on ...
A. 11 September 2011: 17 almost 18? and he's 24... so it's a mere 6 years? which at your age seems huge... as you age it gets smaller and smaller...
my boyfriend is 13 years younger than I am...
stay friends...at least till you are 18 when it's legal to be mor... (read in full...)
How can I feel better? I'm sad about the breakup after I refused him more than we were doing sexually,
Q. I was in sexual relationship with a guy 6 months back. I'm 16 and he is 23. I agreed for sex because I was depressed after my break-up and I wanted to get over my ex. It was online relation. We used to sex chat. We never did it in real. He want...
A. 10 September 2011: you made a mistake... forgive yourself... be true to yourself from now on and move on... it was just chat which isn't the most horrible thing in the world and it's not something you should feel you have to share about yourself with new partners... ... (read in full...)
How can I feel better? I'm sad about the breakup after I refused him more than we were doing sexually,
Q. I was in sexual relationship with a guy 6 months back. I'm 16 and he is 23. I agreed for sex because I was depressed after my break-up and I wanted to get over my ex. It was online relation. We used to sex chat. We never did it in real. He want...
A. 10 September 2011: he didn't care for you he wanted sex. he told you basically "I am only using you for sex".... he told you he would leave if you wouldn't sex him... at least he was honest.
block him
move on
and this time find a boy your own age... an age ga... (read in full...)
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