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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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I don't want to like big women anymore!
Q. Okay people, I have a serious problem, I like bigger girls, like huge girls, and even making them gain weight for my pleasure, for some reason I find them highly attractive, but I don't like this attraction, I am also afraid my family would ridicule ...
A. 21 July 2011: I'm sorry but that's a lousy reason to go against what you like...
if you were gay and your family didn't like that what would you do?
eventually you will not be under your family's control.
be true to yourself.... (read in full...)
I left my husband for him, but he is still living with his wife,,, What should I do now?
Q. Ive been married for 11 years and it hasn't been a perfect marriage by no means. He has been abusive and neglected me. He always did things with his friends and never with me and it got very lonely. I meet a man at work and felt an instant ...
A. 7 July 2011: I left my husband for another man and it had NOTHING TO do with sex.... in fact, sex with my husband was better than sex with my current partner on some levels...
relationships are not all about sex... it's part of a relationship but not the reas... (read in full...)
I left my husband for him, but he is still living with his wife,,, What should I do now?
Q. Ive been married for 11 years and it hasn't been a perfect marriage by no means. He has been abusive and neglected me. He always did things with his friends and never with me and it got very lonely. I meet a man at work and felt an instant ...
A. 6 July 2011: I agree with everyone else.. sadly for you he's not going to leave his wife. IF was has he would have already.
You need to get on with your divorce and your life and meeting someone who is actually available to you on on levels that you can... (read in full...)
Oral sex tips?
Q. help can anyone give me some oral sex tips i never get my husband to ejaculate during oral sex help anyone...
A. 6 July 2011: Best thing to do is ask your husband... every man likes it differently.... and even that changes from incident to incident...
sometimes he wants it deep
sometimes he likes my hands and mouth
sometimes he wants anal play...
while you hav... (read in full...)
I'm dating a guy for the first time, and I have no idea what to do or how to act!
Q. I just got my first boyfriend and i dont know wat to say arond him also i dont know if i ask him to go to the movies or will he ask me please help me...
A. 6 July 2011: how did you get him to be your boyfriend?
you need to be yourself...
for me I'm old fashioned and I believe that the boy should ask the girl... but then the rule is that the person that asks is the person that pays....
... (read in full...)
Do I really want to spend my life with a liar?
Q. Hi Everyone, I have a bit of a problem, my boyfriend - I love him dearly - keeps on lying to me!! Not about anything major like being unfaithful etc etc (that I know of!!) but he lies about silly things that there is no need to lie about. ...
A. 6 July 2011: My soon to be ex husband is a chronic liar. It was part of the reason (a large part) our marriage ended. Once they lie about stupid stuff they lie about bigger stuff... and then you find that you are not trusting them...
you question the trut... (read in full...)
Does it bother you if you are aware that your husband is seeing another woman for sex, but he will stay in your marriage and take all other responsibilities?
Q. If you are the wife... By reading so many questions /dramas caused by husbands' cheating (on wivies' side and the other women's side), it seems that most husbands cheat for 'sex'. If the sexual ife is not as good as it used to be (e.g., you...
A. 6 July 2011: ah I see now... you think women stay because they HAVE to... that they have no choice...
that they look the other way to continue to live the life that they have become accustomed to.
I don't agree. I am the primary bread winner. My soo... (read in full...)
Not ready to be a mom but also won't consider abortion! My boyfriend is an alcoholic and my family is extremely religious. Help!
Q. ok so if you have been keeping up with my other questions you will know the whole story but if not i will make it a 'long story cut short' ok so i am in a lets just say 'rocky' relationship and i have now wound up pregnant. i have just turned 19 s...
A. 6 July 2011: i think adoption is the best idea too.... (read in full...)
Can you fall in love with someone you've never met?
Q. As the title says, do you think you can fall in love with someone you've never met? Or have you?...
A. 5 July 2011: I do not think you can. I think that it can be a good foundation for meeting someone who you do fall in love with.
I would not discount the strong feelings you have... But be aware that what comes across the computer screen will be differen... (read in full...)
Is my bf being overprotective or just very caring? And should I stay with him even though my family & friends hate him?
Q. My relationship with my boyfriend has been great. He is such a great guy and he is my first love. We have recently moved in together but since the move he has started becoming weird like becoming over protective and making excuses for me to stop in ...
A. 5 July 2011: HE told you that you HAVE to quit college?
what happens if you say NO I won't quit?
and if you won't tell him no you won't quit and you will do what he wants why is that?
what do you think love is?
it's not controlling or limitin... (read in full...)
Am I smothering him too much with my words of love?
Q. Ok, so I know this is a little long and I suppose Im looking for opinions rather than answers. My boyfriend and I met on the internet and have fallen in love very quickly, however he is a very busy man, works many hours, evening and weekends etc. He ...
A. 5 July 2011: you sound a lot like my bf and me...
I'm the wanna text email and talk all day partner... he's the give me space partner...
I have learned that him not talking to me all day is not the same as him not thinking about me... Once I felt more... (read in full...)
Boyfriend won't stop flirting with random women online. Am I overreacting?
Q. I'm in a long distance relationship and my boyfriend and I mostly keep in touch by email. I'm not on Facebook or Myspace, but my boyfriend is, and when I've looked at his pages on those sites it seems he is always finding random chicks neither of us ...
A. 5 July 2011: if it bothers you then you are not making a big deal of it.
it's hard in an LDR
it's hard when you are so young... at your age I would be upset too.. now that I'm old and gray so to speak I have a very different outlook on it...
what would ... (read in full...)
Teenage age differences, what's the big deal? Were me and my friends wrong back then?
Q. Hi, I was brought up in Australia and many years ago when I was a young fella, I had a quite a large and great social group of friends. The ages of these people was anywhere from 15/16 to 22/23, and probably as many girls as guys. Now there were of ...
A. 5 July 2011: when my newly 18 yr old daughter came home with her new boyfriend he was 21... I was hesitant... she had JUST turned 18... we relented... by the time we found out that he was nearly 22 they were involved... there were issues... he was old enough to ... (read in full...)
Do you think he never cared?
Q. My boyfriend and i been arguing a lot lately, he said he wanted a break and i said no, i don't believe in being an option. i said it was over n i wish him the best. we both hung up after. he hasn't called or text me since. its been two days. we ...
A. 5 July 2011: Yep you broke up with him, you need to be the one to try to fix it...
3 hours apart by car is not a horrible distance but it's a pain....
you want him to beg you to come back... why do you need him to show you how he feels? why is that?
... (read in full...)
B/f says if he has sex too often he becomes emotionally attached
Q. im having a proplem with my bf of a year. i know he loves me but to me we dont have sex often enough. sometimes i can tell he wants me bad but he holds himself back and i dont know y. i am sought of afraid to start something im afraid hell reject me ...
A. 5 July 2011: I was going to answer but YOUWISH beat me to it. very wise answer.... (read in full...)
He only tells people that I'm just his friend, never his GirlFriend. Is he playing me?
Q. How can i tell if he's cheating on me, he doesn't want people to know we're dating, and when he's with me and he's on the phone, he says oh that's jus my "friend" he never calls me his GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!!!!! What do i do, i need help plz...i want...
A. 5 July 2011: well i don't think it sounds so good...
he keeps you a secret.... he refers to you as friend...
have you asked him why this is?
ask him....
but the truth is he's probably not as into you as you are to him.... (read in full...)
Could the antibiotics have an effect on previously taken pills, or does it really only affect the pills I take afterwards?
Q. Hello agony aunts and uncles out there, So I slept with my partner without using a condom, because I'm on the pill. (We were both just recently checked on STD and such in order to be able to do so..) That was the 1st/2nd July (night/morning)...
A. 5 July 2011: nope the pills you took already are digested. but yes be very careful for the rest of this month...... (read in full...)
What do I do? I am head over heels in love with him. But he dumped me as I cannot have more children
Q. what do i do when i am head over heels with someone and after two months of getting somewhere with me he dumps me because i cannot have any more children? Would this be a deal breaker for some men? How do I handle this?...
A. 5 July 2011: I had a man end it with me because he wanted his own kids and no longer could have children.... I understood.
now i am with a young man who does not want children.... he would not even date women that wanted children....
Sad as it is no... (read in full...)
I'm feeling emotional. Last week I had a miscarriage. So why is he not supporting me and still watching porn?
Q. Hi, I need some advice on how to stop feeling angry with my bf and to understand his actions. We've been together 9 months, and a few weeks ago, we found out we had an unplanned pregnancy of 7 weeks. We spent a lot of time trying to decide whether ...
A. 5 July 2011: I am so sorry for your loss.
everyone grieves differently. you are much more hormonal than usual right now... that is going to affect how you grieve...
you need to talk to your bf and let him know how upset you are and why... but you also ne... (read in full...)
He says he's not ready for a relationship - is this just an excuse? Should I wait for him?
Q. hi everyone i was just wondering what to do about this situation. i met a man at the beggining of the year, i really like him he has been very hurt before and says he,s not ready for another relationship yet. should i wait for him until he is ready ...
A. 5 July 2011: I agree with CindyCares.
do not wait for him...
any time someone gives you a 'generic' excuse for why they can't be in a relationship they are leaving off the "with you" part. it's to be kind.
do not wait....... (read in full...)
Teenage age differences, what's the big deal? Were me and my friends wrong back then?
Q. Hi, I was brought up in Australia and many years ago when I was a young fella, I had a quite a large and great social group of friends. The ages of these people was anywhere from 15/16 to 22/23, and probably as many girls as guys. Now there were of ...
A. 5 July 2011: "Guys using status items to lure teenage girls in? hmmm I’m not sure about this one either KC. Guys who finally earn enough money to acquire these ‘status’ items are often much older and are hardly desirable to teenage girls."
REALLY? you clea... (read in full...)
Am I being neglected or am I being too clingy?
Q. Hi, i have an amazing boyfriend. he is also my first boyfriend; we been together for 5 months and everything is going wonderfully, however due to his uni course, he has to spend one month on a site doing archaeological digging. Hes busy from 9 u...
A. 5 July 2011: I get it.
I'd be not happy to have an entire month where I can not see my man... we live 2 hours apart but see each other every weekend...
it's ONLY a MONTH... ONE day at a time... he'll be back... write long private letters to him... th... (read in full...)
Teenage age differences, what's the big deal? Were me and my friends wrong back then?
Q. Hi, I was brought up in Australia and many years ago when I was a young fella, I had a quite a large and great social group of friends. The ages of these people was anywhere from 15/16 to 22/23, and probably as many girls as guys. Now there were of ...
A. 5 July 2011: I would NOT be happy if my 18 yr old was dating a 55 year old. I admit that.
I would not blow a fit if my 18 yr old brought home a 25 year old although I can't for the life of me imagine why a grown man who is mature and responsible would wa... (read in full...)
Does it bother you if you are aware that your husband is seeing another woman for sex, but he will stay in your marriage and take all other responsibilities?
Q. If you are the wife... By reading so many questions /dramas caused by husbands' cheating (on wivies' side and the other women's side), it seems that most husbands cheat for 'sex'. If the sexual ife is not as good as it used to be (e.g., you...
A. 5 July 2011: if you are asking if you should tell your friend.
my vote is NO... NOT your business.... she may know... she may not want to know... not your place to make that choice for her.... (read in full...)
I don't want to like big women anymore!
Q. Okay people, I have a serious problem, I like bigger girls, like huge girls, and even making them gain weight for my pleasure, for some reason I find them highly attractive, but I don't like this attraction, I am also afraid my family would ridicule ...
A. 5 July 2011: you really can't change nature...what you are attracted to is what you are attracted to....... (read in full...)
4 year LDR and I'm doing all the chasing!
Q. I am in a long distance relationship for four years now and in the beginning we sent eachother messages and I called everyday. Now I found an instant message system that is cheaper to communicate with and he keeps saying he will do it but hasnt. ...
A. 5 July 2011: 4 years is a long time for an LDR to continue and not be resolved. how often do you see each other?
how were things the last time you were together?
if you have never met, then I'm pretty sure he's losing interest and it's time for you to... (read in full...)
My new boyfriend is 6 years younger than me.....his mum is only 10 years older than me......is this morally wrong?
Q. Ive fallen head over heels for a guy who is 6 years younger than me. Ive just turned 28 and he is 21 almost 22. We are both crazy about each other. I am worried that this is morrally wrong. His mum is only 10 years older than me. And she wants to ...
A. 4 July 2011: I surely hope there's nothing wrong with it. I'm 13 1/4 years older than my boyfriend and only 3 years older than his mom....
6 years is nothing! enjoy!... (read in full...)
Does deleted message from my wife phone mean anything?
Q. A year ago there was this guy whom my wife befriended. She said he told he he love her but she declined his broposal. I told her to cut her cuntact with him to help him to deal with it and she agreed. But they kept texting since then. Yesterday ...
A. 4 July 2011: NOT over-reacting.
IF you wish her not to be friends with this man, you must tell her so.
If she's deleting things but not all things perhaps she feels that she's being open and honest about her friendship with this man...
I was being h... (read in full...)
Am I being neglected or am I being too clingy?
Q. Hi, i have an amazing boyfriend. he is also my first boyfriend; we been together for 5 months and everything is going wonderfully, however due to his uni course, he has to spend one month on a site doing archaeological digging. Hes busy from 9 u...
A. 4 July 2011: he calls every day? let him go have his fun...... (read in full...)
I don't know if I could survive an LDR...should I just dump him although it would break my heart??
Q. From what I understand MOST LDRs don't work out in the end. I understand there are some, and it all depends on the relationship, and the circumstances, but for the most part, I don't have faith I could survive one. The problem is I'm just entering...
A. 4 July 2011: well sadly it will probably never change that you want to go out and he does not.... ... (read in full...)
Boyfriends says he'll come over and then never calls and never shows up!
Q. Hi everyone, My boyfriend told me that he'll be coming over my home at around 10.00 am yesterday because we were planning to hang out together the whole day but he didn't.When I called him up yesterday morning around 9.30 am to confirm our plan...
A. 4 July 2011: such behavior is unacceptable.
if he cannot treat you with common respect and courtesy he is not boyfriend material.
once might be forgivable. twice is not acceptable.... (read in full...)
He thinks a relationship will distract him....should I let it go?
Q. Dear Cupid, I'm confused. There's this guy who I have known since high school. He apparently liked me back then, even though I had a boyfriend and I hardly noticed him. Fast forward four years...I ran into him through a mutual friend's party th...
A. 4 July 2011: personally he is saying he doesn't have the time to devote to you.... whether that's the truth or the truth as he sees it to come up with a reason for not having a full fledged relationship with you does not matter...it's what he's saying and it's ... (read in full...)
Does it bother you if you are aware that your husband is seeing another woman for sex, but he will stay in your marriage and take all other responsibilities?
Q. If you are the wife... By reading so many questions /dramas caused by husbands' cheating (on wivies' side and the other women's side), it seems that most husbands cheat for 'sex'. If the sexual ife is not as good as it used to be (e.g., you...
A. 4 July 2011: Every marriage will have it's own definition of open.
usually it means that each spouse can take other sexual partners without repercussions as long as the guidelines within the marriage are followed.
I have one couple I am friends with the... (read in full...)
Teenage age differences, what's the big deal? Were me and my friends wrong back then?
Q. Hi, I was brought up in Australia and many years ago when I was a young fella, I had a quite a large and great social group of friends. The ages of these people was anywhere from 15/16 to 22/23, and probably as many girls as guys. Now there were of ...
A. 4 July 2011: no problem with 16-18
no problem with 17-18
big problem with 17-22 because here where I live that's ILLEGAL.
in the united states age of consent is trumped by adult contact (age 18 or older) with Minor contact (under age 18 even with age... (read in full...)
I am very depressed over the way my calves look! Can ANYTHING be done with them?
Q. Even though this isn't a relationship question, please, please help me. This is bothering me so much that I am literally almost in tears as I write this. I hate my legs, so much that I have become depressed. I am cursed with the most freakishly ...
A. 4 July 2011: "I would like to have a boyfriend but I don't think anyone would ever be interested in me sexually. I feel like people want a partner they're sexually attracted to and if I were to get a boyfriend, I wouldn't be able to feel secure, knowing that ... (read in full...)
Why can some people not compliment others?
Q. Why are some people unable to compliment others? I have a co-worker who is also female and she never offers me a compliment no matter how good I look on a particular day. However I compliment her a lot. What may be the reason for this?...
A. 4 July 2011: I totally agree with Eyeswideopen... why is this particular co-worker's opinion so important to you?
some folks compliment some do not. and it's not always appropriate at work to comment on personal appearance as it may be misconstrued by some.... (read in full...)
I don't like my fiance telling me how to do things!
Q. do i give too much attitude, is it wrong that if i offer to help doing something i dont like my boyfriend going to micro manage me and when he does i get annoyed feel like he thinks im incapable, he says he is just trying to help but than when he ...
A. 4 July 2011: personally I think it's something that will only annoy you more and more.
My first husband micro managed. it's still to this day one of the reasons I divorced him.
IF when he tries to help he makes you feel incompetent, small, stupid et... (read in full...)
Was I rude and demanding to my boyfriend?
Q. Hi I had a huge fight yesterday with my fiance of 5 years because he said i embarass him because i told him to put something away in front of a group of people instead of asking him, do i have to ask him to do things? i thought if your in a ...
A. 4 July 2011: I would never make a statement to someone that said "we need this done" and expect them to do it.
IF i want someone to do something whether it be my bf, husband, bff, child or parent I am going to ask them "could you" "would you" "can you... (read in full...)
Does it bother you if you are aware that your husband is seeing another woman for sex, but he will stay in your marriage and take all other responsibilities?
Q. If you are the wife... By reading so many questions /dramas caused by husbands' cheating (on wivies' side and the other women's side), it seems that most husbands cheat for 'sex'. If the sexual ife is not as good as it used to be (e.g., you...
A. 4 July 2011: Well at 51 I take exception to the notion that sex is not important to me... It's very important to me... i have a higher drive than my partner who is only 38 and want sex more than he does..
I come from an open marriage where I did not care who... (read in full...)
How do I end a 7 month relationship?
Q. How do I ditch my boyfriend? We've been together 7 months, but he's recently started acting different and I think there is another girl but dont want to jump to conlcusions. He hasnt been acting like a boyfriend, he never has time for me, he's alw...
A. 4 July 2011: does he call you?
does he text you?
does he come to see you?
or are you always the one calling, texting and setting plans?
if you are doing all the work then all you need to do is stop calling him... and when he finally calls you need t... (read in full...)
I don't know how to end a relationship with no valid reason to end it
Q. I have been with a girl for a few months, and it feels like I have been almost pressured into being with her. It's only been about 2 months, but I am already finding myself craving time alone without her there. She hasn't done anything wrong, but ...
A. 4 July 2011: tell her exactly what you told us:
"it's not you"
"you are lovely"
"I don't want to hurt you"
"it's just not working out for me on several levels"
do not give her the "we can just be friends" speech... ugh that just makes it wor... (read in full...)
My boyfriend HATES affection.Should I seriously reconsider this relationship?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years....he hates affection. I on the other hand am very, very affectionate. We are both in our early 30's and there have been talks about getting married in the future but I'm not sure that I can marry ...
A. 4 July 2011: I'd leave. seriously.
affection is a basic human need. not even sex. affection.
I don't want a man that hangs on me all the time but I want a man who at night comes home and wants to cuddle on the couch... foreplay is more important t... (read in full...)
Do you think we could get married someday?
Q. so what if im only 15...i have been dating this guy for over a year ALMOST 2 years. he is my third boyfriend. i love him so much. none of my other boyfriend were like him. he is original. he loves me. he proved it to me so many times. we're not like ...
A. 4 July 2011: more than likely NO but never say never
while I only lasted 2 1/2 years with my high school boyfriend (and folks thought we were going to get married) it did not work out...
my grandparents met in the orphanage at ages 10 and 12 they married ... (read in full...)
I don't know if I could survive an LDR...should I just dump him although it would break my heart??
Q. From what I understand MOST LDRs don't work out in the end. I understand there are some, and it all depends on the relationship, and the circumstances, but for the most part, I don't have faith I could survive one. The problem is I'm just entering...
A. 3 July 2011: i'm not sure that LDR Is your biggest problem. Is your fiance older than you? IF not you may not be a different phases of life, you may have incompatible styles. You may like to go out and party and be out... that will not change. He may ... (read in full...)
I don't want to like big women anymore!
Q. Okay people, I have a serious problem, I like bigger girls, like huge girls, and even making them gain weight for my pleasure, for some reason I find them highly attractive, but I don't like this attraction, I am also afraid my family would ridicule ...
A. 29 June 2011: I am a former BBW I was a size 26/28 and I Had men after me all the time.
IF you prefer big girls then revel in it and enjoy it. There is nothing wrong with you having a preference...
it's like saying "I'm gay and I don't want to be"
... (read in full...)
My boyfriend HATES affection.Should I seriously reconsider this relationship?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years....he hates affection. I on the other hand am very, very affectionate. We are both in our early 30's and there have been talks about getting married in the future but I'm not sure that I can marry ...
A. 11 May 2011: two years and no affection?
it's a no brainer for me.
I would so be gone...... (read in full...)
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