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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Mum has outstayed her welcome but she has nowhere else to go!
Q. my 79 year old mum has got a fear of living on her own and spending nights on her own. she is fit and well for her age, she does not even look 79, she is not like a frail old lady. when i had my baby and got a house of my own and moved out she mo...
A. 1 September 2011: i think to be honest, your mom is being a bit manipulative of you and your sister. I am sure if you "threw her to the wolves" so to speak she would "man up"... (read in full...)
My family won't approve my American girlfriend, I'm leaving them for her, is this a correct decision?
Q. For the last 22 months, I have been involved in LDR with a beautiful American girl and unfortunately she is blind since birth. I met her there when I was visiting the USA for three months in October 2009. It took her 5 days to accept me as bo...
A. 1 September 2011: BEFORE you marry (which I think is FINE BTW) perhaps you guys can have a face to face day to day relationship for a while..
I went from and LDR (only 2 hours apart) to together pretty much full time and the transition has been interest... (read in full...)
Not sure wheather to move in together as a family or not
Q. hi again you great agony aunts and uncles, i am back again for some advice on what to do, me and my man have been together for over 2 years now, its LDR, and recently we have been having the moving in together talk, but we are unsure what to do, we ...
A. 1 September 2011: siblings fight. it's human nature...even step siblings..
IF you and your partner are sure you are committed and want to be together I would NOT wait till the kids are ready... they will never be ready....
I vote for GO FOR IT...... (read in full...)
Can insecurities prevent a woman from having an orgasm?
Q. Can a girls insecurities about her body (weight, how her vagina looks, birthmarks on her face) inhibit her ability to have an orgasm?...
A. 1 September 2011: it's NOT your responsibility to give her an orgasm. it's hers. I have only ever been with ONE man who could make me orgasm. and then only through oral.
it's sadly perfectly normal for women to not be able to orgasm through sex....... (read in full...)
Mum has outstayed her welcome but she has nowhere else to go!
Q. my 79 year old mum has got a fear of living on her own and spending nights on her own. she is fit and well for her age, she does not even look 79, she is not like a frail old lady. when i had my baby and got a house of my own and moved out she mo...
A. 31 August 2011: do you have assisted living or adult apartments where you are? sounds like she's lonely
maybe find her a day care program so she's not so lonely?... (read in full...)
I want the husband and family. Am I too old now?
Q. I am 27 and my partner of 4 years has just left me for a younger woman. I was meant to get married to him and have a family and no near my 30s I find myself single. Is it too late for me to have the husband and kids? ...
A. 31 August 2011: what Chigirl said...
so not done at 27!... (read in full...)
Am I a tart?
Q. I feel awful about myself at the moment .. can I ask your opinions, honest answers appreciated. I feel like a complete tart ... I met a guy a year ago we had a couple of nights fun (no sex) just stupid really I had recently become single and suppose ...
A. 31 August 2011: so you've been friends with three men who happen to be friends.
no tart that I see.. not even a tartlette...... (read in full...)
He has only made love to me twice in 5 years!
Q. I have been living with my boyfriend for the last 9 years after moving from the UK to Canada to be with him. I love him more than anything, but there is a problem with our relationship in the bedroom department. He has only made love to me twice in ...
A. 31 August 2011: Has he had his testosterone checked?... (read in full...)
I've been talking online with a 30 year old woman who wants to go out with me!
Q. Hello there everyone i could use some advice. Ive been talking online with this woman she is 30 years old. We have been talking for about a month or so and do not live far away from each other. I have talked to her on webcam so i know she is who ...
A. 31 August 2011: I agree.. make her a friend ONLY not a romantic liaison. and only meet her in a public place.
make sure someone in authority knows where you are going and when... and that she knows this
hopefully she needs to mother someone and you will fit... (read in full...)
I've been talking online with a 30 year old woman who wants to go out with me!
Q. Hello there everyone i could use some advice. Ive been talking online with this woman she is 30 years old. We have been talking for about a month or so and do not live far away from each other. I have talked to her on webcam so i know she is who ...
A. 31 August 2011: OK 18 is legal but tell me if you've never met her why do you think you love her?
what do you two like to do that you have in common?
what do you expect from this relationship?
and again what do your parents say about this relationship?... (read in full...)
Can insecurities prevent a woman from having an orgasm?
Q. Can a girls insecurities about her body (weight, how her vagina looks, birthmarks on her face) inhibit her ability to have an orgasm?...
A. 31 August 2011: I would imagine so... but the truth is many if not most women do not orgasm from straight penetration....... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is very talkative, how do I make her change?
Q. Dear dearcupid, My girlfriend is hell of a talkative and she doesn't know when to stop. She eats the brain out of me when gets started. Yeah, I have to admit that between she also makes me laugh with her sharp sense of humour but 80% her talk is ...
A. 31 August 2011: it's her personality. either you learn to live with it or you leave her.
I talk to much it drives my boyfriend nuts. he's learning to deal with it.... (read in full...)
Are there any happy couples out there who don't have oral sex?
Q. I was just wondering if it is possible to have a happy and satisfying relationship without oral sex. So many people on this web site are complaining about their partner who refuses to go down on them. Are there people who are satisfied with their ...
A. 31 August 2011: well I love giving my bf blow jobs but he will not reciprocate. He does not, will not "cannot" perform oral sex. I KNEW this from day one of our relationship and I agreed to this limitation.
He feels bad that he can't/won't/doesn't provide ... (read in full...)
I've been talking online with a 30 year old woman who wants to go out with me!
Q. Hello there everyone i could use some advice. Ive been talking online with this woman she is 30 years old. We have been talking for about a month or so and do not live far away from each other. I have talked to her on webcam so i know she is who ...
A. 31 August 2011: I am 13 years older than my boyfriend... when he was 16 I was 29/30 THERE is no way at that age I would be interested in a boy of 16....
age gaps are fine when folks are older but that's a huge gap at your age and a woman of 30 should N... (read in full...)
My wife fell pregnant by another man, should I forgive her?
Q. Hai people, my wife had a child by another man, i kicked her out but she returned begging to be forgiven she was always sad so i feared she would have a miscarriage so i took her back in despite the pain i was going through. The father of the child ...
A. 31 August 2011: so you love her? if you love her and the only thing that is the issue is that your male ego is bruised... perhaps you and she can work it out.
raise the child as yours (adopt it if you wish)
maybe she would be with the other man if he ... (read in full...)
How do men really feel about wives and girlfriends?
Q. I would like advice from the guys out there please. I see a lot on the internet and t.v. and so forth about when guys all hang out together, such as the ball game or the bar, guys night out. They all bash their wives or gf. They say "being with ...
A. 31 August 2011: I've been married 3 times and of those three men (and the fourth I am currently seriously involved with) only one would have lied to me and he was an addict....
IF you think your husband would LIE to you about how he FEELS about you why do you s... (read in full...)
Is it possible for me to still grow taller at 19?
Q. Is it possible for me to still grow taller at 19? I'm a guy and I just turned 19 on August 3. Here's a brief history: -Dad is about 5'8 Mom is about 5'1 3/4. Brother is 22 and 6'1 1/2. Brother stopped growing around 14-16. My dad's uncle was...
A. 31 August 2011: my 6'4" son grew till he was 22
I"m 5'2' his dad is 5'6"
he has a 5'7" brother...... (read in full...)
How do men really feel about wives and girlfriends?
Q. I would like advice from the guys out there please. I see a lot on the internet and t.v. and so forth about when guys all hang out together, such as the ball game or the bar, guys night out. They all bash their wives or gf. They say "being with ...
A. 30 August 2011: you are kidding right? you are basing REAL life on tv and internet scenarios??? Seriously???
I seriously can't believe that men would marry JUST FOR SEX...
maybe for cooking and cleaning and laundry... but not just for sex...
have y... (read in full...)
Is this cheating?
Q. I was talking online with a man and we were talking about sex. He described something that reminded me how my husband does things. My husband and I were fighting at the time and I hadn't got off for over a month. Is it cheating that I masterbated ...
A. 30 August 2011: well talking to another person about sex without the express knowledge and permission of your partner would be a bit iffy in my book. I believe that cheating is anything you can't won't or don't tell your partner...
that being said masturba... (read in full...)
I know I'm not good enough for him. Should I just let him go?
Q. Hi, I've been seeing this guy for a year and a half. We dated for a month last year in May, then we broke up because he was still in love with his ex and I didn't want to compete with her, so we decided to break up until he got over her. We continue...
A. 30 August 2011: this is not about you not being good enough for him. Of course you are good enough for him.
he's not stuck with you but being LDR is very hard even when as adults with jobs and easy transportation you can be together on a regular basis.
... (read in full...)
How can I show my boyfriend that his violence toward me is wrong?
Q. Dear Cupids, Please help! My boyfriend seems to think there is nothing wrong (technically) with pushing/shoving me and grabbing things out of my hands if he is angry. He also does this motion where he makes a fist and comes at me as though he will ...
A. 30 August 2011: I can see forgiving someone who abused you once in the heat of a fight..
I won't tell you to leave. but what will you do the first time he puts you in the hospital?
why do you think you are only worth an abuser?
... (read in full...)
I don't want to end my 11 year marriage but my wife is not sure. She cheated
Q. i have been married for 11 years to the same women, i have never cheated on her. two months ago our fighting got really bad and i was ask to move out the house. then one night she ask to talk to me, i went over to the house where she told me she ...
A. 30 August 2011: "she thinks she is gay"
well if she is a lesbian then there is not a lot that can be done to change that... if she is bisexual that's a different kettle of fish
I guess the first thing she has to do is figure out her sexuality and before... (read in full...)
Is it wrong for me to ask her not to speak to her ex at all?
Q. I have been seeing a girl who I have strong feelings for, for a little over a month. I realized her ex was a common friends of ours on Facebook (we all go to the same university) and she told me they had been on and off for a few years and after he ...
A. 30 August 2011: AT this point I think it would NOT be a wise move for you to ask her to stop altogether... it sounds to me like she is setting decent boundaries with him and being honest with you.
She just doesn't want to feel awkward when you all run in to each ... (read in full...)
I am dating an older woman,what issues could come up due to the age gap?
Q. I'm 25 and my girlfriend is 37. Why is it that I get criticism over the age gap from people who I see? I was in a local pizza takeaway joint when the guy behind the counter said "here's the pizza for you and your mum!" I've also had criticism...
A. 29 August 2011: I'm 51 and look every bit my age and then some. My boyfriend/fiance is 38 and looks 25... the biggest issue is we like different music... and he doesn't know cultural references that I do.. other than that it's PERFECT..
if it works for yo... (read in full...)
This guy doesn't like the way I dress and makes me feel weird. Should I date him?
Q. I have been dating a guy I met in a Bar, just for four or five times, he seems polite and hasn't asked me for getting off or sex, though he behaves weird and avoids contact like me touching his arm or thinks like that when we are close. He has told ...
A. 29 August 2011: if he makes you feel weird then he's not right for you. is he a boy or a man?
I have changed how I dress and my hair style since I started with my bf.. but although he told me what HE liked he never told me I had to change for him...I did it b... (read in full...)
Would starting smoking affect the fact I'm taking birth control?
Q. Dear cupid...im 17 yrs old and i've been on birth control for about 6 to 7 months. I never smoked anything before but i've been tempted to lately since im always surrounded by people who do that. So i was wondering if i do smoke a cigarrette, how ...
A. 27 August 2011: it won't affect your BC pills but it will be a much more dangerous time for you to continue on the pills. Blood Clots and strokes are more common in women who smoke and take BCP... (read in full...)
Is it wrong for a virgin guy to want to marry a virgin girl?
Q. dear cupid, is it wrong for a virgin guy to want to marry a virgin woman with great personality,respect,trust and love? It seems when i mention this to women they think am crazy or i have insecurities....
A. 27 August 2011: "Kinda like how most women "prefer" to date tall men, why cant i also do the same? Many here have said that you cant help who you fall in love with, its what most of you are saying is that virgins are unlovable."
1. not most women. I am 5'2" m... (read in full...)
Is my ex making a mistake by getting married to someone else?
Q. me and my ex were friends before we started dating.he broke up with his girlfriend cuz they didnt get along.we dated soon after and i got prego.too much stress happened and i left him.he decided i could stay gone and got back with her.we r finally ...
A. 26 August 2011: sadly while he is your child's father he is NOT YOUR PARTNER and you have no say in his life except as to how it affects your child. IF he wanted to be with YOU he would.
what other people think is not anyone's concern...the only concern is w... (read in full...)
Is it wrong for a virgin guy to want to marry a virgin girl?
Q. dear cupid, is it wrong for a virgin guy to want to marry a virgin woman with great personality,respect,trust and love? It seems when i mention this to women they think am crazy or i have insecurities....
A. 26 August 2011: it's not right or wrong... it's just how you feel. feelings are never wrong they just are.. but like Marieclaire said it's WRONG to judge others for their feelings...
however at your age, is it feasible to think you will have success finding ... (read in full...)
Does he love me? Need to know. Will he leave his wife?
Q. I am sleeping with a married man who I have history with. He has other women in other towns as well. He says his wife doesn't sleep with him and treats him bad. He says he wants to leave her but he says she is crazy and probably would do something ...
A. 26 August 2011: he likes you enough to call you for sex... will he ever leave his wife... maybe... will he leave his wife for YOU probably not or he would have done so already..
I was married when I met someone and not unhappily. I started a sanctioned (by my h... (read in full...)
Can 14 negative pregnancy tests be wrong?
Q. Can 14 negative pregnancy urine tests be wrong. I just want to know if it's possible to get 14 consecutive tests wrong and nothing else. I'd appreciate some feedback, thank you....
A. 26 August 2011: what person12345 said.
now 14 over say a 7 or 14 day period.. not wrong.
14 seems excessive
why do you think you are pregnant? (I ask because I am amazed at what young women panic about)
did you have unprotected intercourse where h... (read in full...)
I don't want to keep it a secret that I'm bi, but will men be ok with me if they know?
Q. I am 18 years old and bisexual, even if not completely 50 / 50. A few people know, and the truth is bound to have spread a little. I don't want to be attention seeking and make a big deal of it, but then again, hate hiding it. Will male friends and ...
A. 25 August 2011: I'm bi and I've never found a problem with it.. most men find it kind of cool... but then they think they can have a threesome more easily.... (read in full...)
Wife doesn't want to leave me, but isn't 'in love' anymore. She's happier with her FWB.
Q. I'm a married man, and my wife has just said that she still loves me but is not in love with me. She says I'm a great father and husband and she doesn't want to hurt me. Then, she explained, she has a friend which has gotten into the "with benefi...
A. 25 August 2011: Have not read any other replies yet.. This is how my marriage ended. I loved my husband. I THOUGHT I was in love with him. I thought we were happy. Married only 6 years and no kids... I met a man who stirred my brain... I was open and honest ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is annoyed that I won't wear what he is telling me to
Q. I'm 22 and my boyfriend is 26. For the past week or so he's been asking me to wear a bikini and halfshirt 24-7 and is getting angry that I won't do it. I told him no, it's inappropriate, but he thinks it'll be good for our relationship and it'...
A. 24 August 2011: I dress for my man but it's my choice and when I am just around the house I wear what I want. He is allowed to pick my clothing when we go out for dates... I do limit him and will not wear things that are age inappropriate or too revealing... but ... (read in full...)
Am I the only woman not threated by porn?
Q. I just read an article about porn here on DC so it made me interested to post a question. Am I the only woman who is not threatened by porn? I mean, I read a lot of questions here about it, of ladies breaking up with their boyfriends and w...
A. 24 August 2011: I watch it with my man I'm not bothered by it at all. I'm not bothered by him looking at other women either... he loves me.. I'm the one in his bed not them.... (read in full...)
Can I believe him even though these sites tell a different story?
Q. Really upset, i thought id found the man of my dreams now ive discovered him on fu##book and various other dating sites which were logged onto 2 weeks ago, the thing is we have been here before and he told me they were old sites which he couldn't ...
A. 24 August 2011: trust your gut. he's lying. ONE of the things that killed my last marriage was lack of trust. he was a liar. about stupid stuff but I could never trust him for anything....
trust is critical.
... (read in full...)
Can I date several men at the same time?
Q. need help from females After several years with the same man it appears the relationship is not going to move forward in any way. Id like to know if its is normal for a woman to date several guys at one time and how do I go about doing this. ...
A. 24 August 2011: yes you can but you must be honest and you must be safe... so if you sleep with them you need to use condoms and birth control and you need to be honest with them about it...
as for the current bf, you should tell him you want to see others a... (read in full...)
He said I'm loose down there and now I'm really worried!
Q. Hey please help me... Ive recently lost my viginity (on holiday with my bf this week) and he is larger than normal. At first he said i was loose however i explained that i have been very experiemental in my past. however after 3 days of sex he...
A. 23 August 2011: he sounds like an idiot... he's trying to sound like he knows what he speaks of but he just sounds like a fool
I'm 51. I've had two kids and multiple partners some VERY large.. my BF is on the small side of average and sometimes he complains I'... (read in full...)
My boyfriend complains when I eat his food!!!
Q. Hi. Me and my bf have been togther almost 2 years and we are about to buy a house togther. He is fronting all of the deposit and paying for most of the fees (around £20,000). However, sometimes when I go round to see him and want to eat his food...
A. 23 August 2011: he's buying you both a house and you're complaining that you have to bring food to eat? What are you fiscally contributing to the relationship?... (read in full...)
Do normal women find doggy style demeaning?
Q. The doggy style position makes me feel like I am losing my feminity and also lack of contact/caressing with my lover during sex. Is it normal for women to feel like this or is it just me?...
A. 23 August 2011: What RedAthena said!
As long as it's NOT the ONLY position we use I'm fine with it... because I do like how it feels... I don't like not being able to see my partner but a mirror solves that problem..... ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend says I'm not loud enough during sex
Q. My boyfriend and I have really good sex but he still asks me if I'm enjoying it. I know it's good that he wants to make sure I feel good but it's his reasoning that gets me. He says he's not sure because I'm not loud enough. I moan like the whole ...
A. 23 August 2011: he's watching too much porn.
you need to be true to yourself and tell him "if you don't like the way I make love you can leave me and find someone that fits your needs better"
... (read in full...)
He said I'm loose down there and now I'm really worried!
Q. Hey please help me... Ive recently lost my viginity (on holiday with my bf this week) and he is larger than normal. At first he said i was loose however i explained that i have been very experiemental in my past. however after 3 days of sex he...
A. 23 August 2011: he's full of crap!... (read in full...)
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