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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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What to do? My ex has a girlfriend yet he keeps texting me saying 'I miss having sex with you',
Q. So I broke up with my ex nearly 6 months ago after a rocky 3 and a half years! We had been through a lot but it was constand arguing and sex, sometimes I was happy, but then our sex life turned really rubbish, and it was him basically saying '...
A. 3 October 2012: how about you BLOCK his number and block his email and block him on all social media and just move on with your life....
... (read in full...)
Now that myself and the guy I like are single, what can I do to make him want me?
Q. Hi guys. I'm a twenty year old girl and I really like this guy who is in his 30's (so much so that I think I love him). I've always liked older men; it's just who I am. Anyway, I have known this guy for three years now and when we first met we h...
A. 3 October 2012: you said "(we) saw each other for a few months until it turned out he actually had a girlfriend."
sounds like he's interested anyway but my question to you is this:
if he CHEATED on a GIRLFRIEND before... what are you interested in him fo... (read in full...)
Attracted to my fiancee's older brother.
Q. My fiancee and I have been together for almost three years now, and we have a 1 1/2 year old daughter together. I'm about to be 20, and he just turned 19 in August. We're going to get married here in the next month or so. Now, my problem is, I've...
A. 3 October 2012: just because you are having dreams does not mean you are truly attracted to him. we can't control our dreams as much as we think.. it's just our brains working through stuff.
I'm sorry to say this but I would NOT let the deadbeat brother move in ... (read in full...)
How can I get my girlfriend to show anger like a normal person?
Q. My girlfriend never gets mad. She just never gets impatient or annoyed or frazzled or frustrated. It's come to the point when I just want to instigate fights to get a reaction out of her. I push her, and push and push, but she nevers gets angry. W...
A. 3 October 2012: I get it. YOU think she needs to display out of control behavior to prove to you how she feels about you. You guys have different styles.
Do you think that by her NOT displaying emotions (I wish I had that kind of control) she does not care... (read in full...)
Need to tell him I've got feelings for some-one else, but how? What should I say? I feel terrible.
Q. How the hell do you tell a guy you've been on a few dates with that you have feelings for someone else? I've been out with this guy a few times and I do like him so much, but the problem is that this guy who I met much before the one i'm seeing now, ...
A. 3 October 2012: if it's just been a few dates why do you need to give him an explanation....
just let him know how much you like him as a friend and make it clear that you are not interested in him as a boyfriend.
WHY you are not interested as a boyf... (read in full...)
Squirting issues
Q. Ok, so my wife and I have a really healthy sexual relationship. We love trying new things. She has came to like squirting as much as me. We was watching some porn and a girl started cumming and white stuff was oozing out of her. We are trying to ...
A. 3 October 2012: SQUIRTING is not fake. even I have done it once...
SQUIRTING WHITE STUFF is fake.... (read in full...)
20 girls and not one accepted his offer of a date
Q. A sociable guy of age 23-24 for 3-6 months approached upto 20 girls fo date and not even one accep him! What might be the reasons and what is the posible solution? The guy is tall, handsome, sociable and humble. Ur a advice will be of help tan...
A. 3 October 2012: is this guy walking up to girls and asking them out without knowing them before hand... just "hi do you wanna go out?"
or are these 20 friends he's known for a while?
how is this guy asking these girls out?... (read in full...)
Long-term, recently long-distance relationship, but I have a bisexual crush with my teacher!
Q. I'm a girl, I am having a long-term relationship with this awesome guy, and after some years of being together he's recently moved to another country and we're having a long-distance relationship now. I'm not ready to break things off with him, but ...
A. 2 October 2012: you said she is A female teacher at your university and "but I don't really follow class with her "
does this mean that she is not YOUR teacher?
because that means my answer would be different.....
if she is YOUR teacher in YOUR cl... (read in full...)
Because of an open relationship I may lose my gf
Q. a year ago, i asked my gf for an open relationship. i really wanted to experience more sexually from different types of women. We had been together for three years before i asked her, and after five months she told me she would give a try, though s...
A. 2 October 2012: BTDT... My ex husband needed the ego stroke of female attention from multiple females so we became "swingers" that worked for many years since I was not interested in being with men and I was fine with him being with other women.. yes we played ... (read in full...)
Should I break up with b/f who swears he didn't put up a profile on a dating website? I know he did it!
Q. My friend and I were looking at plenty of fish dating site today because we were really bored in work I've never been on there but she said she knew loads of people on there with cringey photos and stuff they'd written about themselves. Well I came ...
A. 2 October 2012: YOU ARE NOT STUPID....
love makes us do things we don't normally do and accept things we other wise would not accept...
please remain strong
please take care of yourself and don't cave into his bullying techniques.... (read in full...)
The school books I need cost more than my allowance
Q. Hey everyone, This is not a relationship question, I just want to know if this is right. Ok my dad passed away like 6 months ago, and I don't have no parents with me, I live with a guardian. I receive social security every month, i get $400 a mon...
A. 2 October 2012: Cindy you are correct BUT because the OP posted about the 35k when she turns 18, I'm sensing that
a. the guardian is not doing this out of love but necessity and feels the income from the SSA Survivors benefits are her salary. THEY ARE NOT... (read in full...)
What are recommended lubes people have used. And What works best for the painful morning after stomach aches and muscle cramps?
Q. I'm newly wed of 2 months now and so I've been exploring many new things lately as new couples do. I was wondering what the best lube is that feels warm and maybe adds to your sensitivity? One other question... What works best for the painful ...
A. 2 October 2012: I agree with Candid Cally. you need to go see the gyn for an exam and be honest with him/her about the pain after intercourse... no wonder you need lube.... (read in full...)
She masturbates in a less usual way, crossing her legs. Which is better? Her way or sex with a partner?
Q. Hey all I appreciate any advice. I have been with my gf for 10 months I'm 21. So this is why I'm posting: Basically she masturbates using the method of crossing her leg and squeezing. She never masturbates with fingers. When I ask what she prefe...
A. 2 October 2012: which is better steak or pecan pie?
you are asking which is better masturbation or sex...
well it will depend on the goal...
if the goal is to be intimate with a partner then sex is better.
if the goal is an intense release brought... (read in full...)
Should I break up with b/f who swears he didn't put up a profile on a dating website? I know he did it!
Q. My friend and I were looking at plenty of fish dating site today because we were really bored in work I've never been on there but she said she knew loads of people on there with cringey photos and stuff they'd written about themselves. Well I came ...
A. 2 October 2012: why do you even have to ask?
or are you asking because you are hoping some guy will post how correct your idiot BF is..
he's busted.
he was looking
he got caught and now he's trying to turn it around
you will NEVER trust him
it's ... (read in full...)
His ex has nothing to lose and won't go away
Q. What do I do about a completely insane psychopathic ex girlfriend of my boyfriend? She is the type they make movies about. She is worse. He warned me when we first started dating of everything she would do and he was right. It seems like no ...
A. 2 October 2012: unless YOU are in danger then there is not much you can do.
she is your boyfriend's problem and if he does not want to deal with her then you have to do the same.
IF he allows her to have access to him, his life, his friends etc.. then in so... (read in full...)
Should I treat the anniversary of the day his brother died the same as any other day? Or should I try to do something special for him?
Q. this week marks the anniversary of my boyfriend's little brother's death. which happen a few years ago. We've talked about it very few times during the last year we've been together. he doesn't mention his brother much either. he didn't tell me ...
A. 2 October 2012: As folks who are living and surviving... we take joy in our memories and we remember them fondly. Since you did not know his brother there is not much you can remember...
the fact that he's with you probably is a comfort and enough to bring a s... (read in full...)
Pushy jerk won't take no for an answer
Q. So, i'm in college, a junior, and a guy recently let me know that he was interested in me. i, on the other hand, am not. i don't like him very much, as a person and also physically. he's very arrogant and obnoxious and comes off very pretenti...
A. 2 October 2012: I don't care for muscles either... i like a bit of smoosh on my guy...
but what's NOT appealing to you truly is this guys personality.. he's arrogant and obnoxious and full of himself.
You should continue to IGNORE the other guy... and if ... (read in full...)
The school books I need cost more than my allowance
Q. Hey everyone, This is not a relationship question, I just want to know if this is right. Ok my dad passed away like 6 months ago, and I don't have no parents with me, I live with a guardian. I receive social security every month, i get $400 a mon...
A. 2 October 2012: 25 dollars a week is not enough money to live...
she does not want you to get a job because depending on what you earn the SS benefits will be reduced.
YOU ask the guardian
and you tell her that the money she gets for you from SSA is FOR ... (read in full...)
One..two..I don't know what to do!
Q. I have been with my bf for almost 3 years. He is a wonderful person who treats me really well and I have been happy. But the other night I was out with friends and I met another guy out. There was some serious chemistry and I ended up kissing him. I ...
A. 2 October 2012: at the young age of 18-21 you really are not sure what you want.
to be honest no matter how much chemistry I have with other people I never get the urge to kiss anyone but my fiance.
even when I was a swinger in my last marriage, kissin... (read in full...)
Does he want more? Sometimes I feel like this man doesn't have any plan to setle down
Q. I'm in a long distance relationship for almost 5 yrs. now. But sometimes I feel like this man doesn't have any plan to setle down. I really don't know where I stand.I know he loves me but I'm begining to think that this is all he wants; and nothing ...
A. 2 October 2012: after 5 years at your age he doesn't have any plans to settle down.
there is no excuse for ADULTS who are LDR to not make it local after 2 years...
To be honest this is all he wants.
I started an LDR with a guy in December 2010... we w... (read in full...)
What would you do in my place? He was my FWB but then he cheated on me. But then we had words and everything went downhill from then.
Q. There is something that happened some 5 months ago between a guy and me. We were very good and close friends, so close we ended up being FWB. It was very wrong I know and it turned out bad, as such, since I fell in love with him. While we were ...
A. 2 October 2012: I would do nothing..
It's over and done
an FWB can't CHEAT ON YOU btw.. that's the whole point.
YOU like this guy way more than he likes you.. that gives him the power.
walk away... hold your head high and live well...
... (read in full...)
He suggested this game, but I don't know what will work. How am I supposed to convince my boyfriend to have sex?!
Q. my boyfriend wants me to convince him to have sex to see how convincing I can be. He wants it to be a game. I know he does, because he told me he wants to see if i can convince him to as well. I need help I've tried different things, but no luck....
A. 2 October 2012: I once at a very young age have a boy tell me that the way to make any man horny was to stroke his back just above his butt crack...
of course as an adult now I know that it was what worked FOR HIM....
every man is different.
why is ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has suggested I get a sex toy for when he is away. But I'm not sure. Are there any that are better than most that you would recommend?
Q. I have quite a high sex drive, and my boyfriend has suggested that I think about buying a toy for when I'm 'in the mood' but he isn't around. I've never used toys before and although I've thought about it, I'm a bit hesitant. Sure it'd be nice to ...
A. 2 October 2012: Ah ok if he was just being helpful and you are receptive then go for it.. but again... do you bring yourself to orgasm now when he's not around?
first thing I would do is see if you can do it with your fingers..... I think vibrators do tend to ... (read in full...)
I cheated and I think I like the new guy more. I am so confused about which man to choose. How do l choose?
Q. Heya, been with my boyfriend for five years. He's 25 years old and l am 22 years old. We didn't stay together. He's so irresponsible, he drinks a lot. He says he loves me, but he has cheated on me a couple of times, and he always swore never to do ...
A. 2 October 2012: I would end the relationship with the OLD boyfriend
the one you fight with
the one who has cheated on you a couple of times
the one who lied to you and said he would never do it again and did anyway...
the one that drinks
as for a three ye... (read in full...)
What are recommended lubes people have used. And What works best for the painful morning after stomach aches and muscle cramps?
Q. I'm newly wed of 2 months now and so I've been exploring many new things lately as new couples do. I was wondering what the best lube is that feels warm and maybe adds to your sensitivity? One other question... What works best for the painful ...
A. 2 October 2012: KY makes lots of interesting lubes including a warming lube... I never liked them.
they also make a stimulating gel that is not a lube but is to be rubbed on the clitoris... also no big thrills here...
at your age are you experiencing muc... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has suggested I get a sex toy for when he is away. But I'm not sure. Are there any that are better than most that you would recommend?
Q. I have quite a high sex drive, and my boyfriend has suggested that I think about buying a toy for when I'm 'in the mood' but he isn't around. I've never used toys before and although I've thought about it, I'm a bit hesitant. Sure it'd be nice to ...
A. 2 October 2012: In order of how I prefer my orgasms:
oral
shower massage
fingers
pocket rocket vibrator (a bit bigger than a lipstick takes one AA battery less than 30 dollars around here)
I do not like or need penetration so I don't care about that...
... (read in full...)
In am in love with this girl. How can I win her heart? She has cheated on me so many times
Q. Hi My Name is E,so there is this girl. She's Beautiful and we met right after the day of my birthday and we got together. We was in an on and off relationship. So anyways we got back together and we stayed together but then we broke up. i wanted to...
A. 2 October 2012: she's nothing but heartbreak for you sweetie...
she does not care about you the way you care about her or the way you want her to care about you.
I think it's best if you move on... the best thing for you for that is to go no contact... it hu... (read in full...)
Do people in work places always take sides like this? The woman who was disciplined (and unjustly) has been sacked and I don't think it's fair.
Q. Hello Aunts,this is a work relationship question. Recently two women where I work had a fall out, not major at all, but one reported the other to our manager. When the other came into work she got disciplined and she walked out as she didnt want t...
A. 2 October 2012: It's office politics.
sometimes I have to remove folks from our network because they've been "escorted from the building"... they may even be friends of mine. I do not take sides.. even when asking to contribute information I collect that is used ... (read in full...)
Should I treat the anniversary of the day his brother died the same as any other day? Or should I try to do something special for him?
Q. this week marks the anniversary of my boyfriend's little brother's death. which happen a few years ago. We've talked about it very few times during the last year we've been together. he doesn't mention his brother much either. he didn't tell me ...
A. 2 October 2012: In Judaism, we commemorate the anniversary of the person's death by lighting a candle that burns for 24 hours... it's not a tradition but rather a religious 'rule' as it were.
My girlfriend's mom was killed in the 9/11 attack... all I did for her ... (read in full...)
Old fashioned b/f is not attached to his phone and is unreachable a good portion of the time!
Q. Hello, I am in a relationship with a wonderful man and everything is in fact quite great between us. We have good communication and I have no doubt in his love for me. Sometimes, however, he is really unreachable. He is a full-time p...
A. 2 October 2012: OP thank you for the follow up. I am very glad you were able to talk to him and have some resolution to the issue.
I second Honeypie’s recommendation of the book the 5 Languages of love.. it helped me understand what my partner defines as love ... (read in full...)
I messaged him on social media. I'm sure it's him, but he has not replied. Why would he ignore me?
Q. I'm just approaching 50,i've just seen a guy i knew over 32 years ago on a well known social networking site,i know its him,from the things he has said in a group on there,he's changed his surname though. I contacted him but he wont acknowle...
A. 1 October 2012: ok the only men i know who change their surname are married.
my fiance is changing his on saturday.... I work with a guy who takes his wife's last name.
why did he change his surname?... (read in full...)
Why does my married ex give me his schedule and tells me to call him?
Q. My ex who now is married, talks to me often. My question is why does he not call me but says it's alright to call him??? He gives me his schedule so i know when to call. Why doesn't he just call me?? i have a bf and it's just nice to talk to an old ...
A. 1 October 2012: I'm sorry but he's using you.
I'd stop calling.
when his wife finds out you will be the bad guy trust me.
in addition, I do not subscribe to the whole "be friends with an ex" concept. If you are that good of friends why aren't you his w... (read in full...)
Why is my married ex calling me on the phone?
Q. My ex, who is now married, is flirting with me on the phone. I'm a little baffled because he dumped me after many years of living together and then married very quickly. My question is: is he trying to get me back or does he just realize he's made a ...
A. 1 October 2012: asked: "I don't think flirting with an ex constitutes cheating. do you????"
I"m a huge flirt but I do think in this case if it's enough that she has to ask what he's up to and its on the phone and it's chronic or regular and it's not necessa... (read in full...)
I texted him how I felt, and he never responded.
Q. A guy that I like and went on a date with texts me good morning and have a nice day often in the morning. And he always seems to do it right as I open my eyes and wake up. Well when he texted me to have a good day this morning, I just told him how I ...
A. 1 October 2012: I think it was very nice of you to say that and not bad at all.
Texting however is a lousy way to have a relationship and responding back and forth gets tiresome. My fiance hates to text... so he rarely does...
just because he didn't re... (read in full...)
I love her so much that I'm scared to death to lose her
Q. i've been dating my gf for two years now, and so far everything's been pretty great. really great. it seems to me like she is my first true relationship. i just entered my 30s and i feel like before that i was just drifting through the dating world ...
A. 1 October 2012: I think Chigirl is correct you are ready for the next step.
... (read in full...)
Could he care about our baby? Or is he just using me when he needs something?
Q. Hello My name is Sexy C, I need some help I have been with this guy for about 17 years off and on. When he goes to jail im there for him when he comes home I might see him but he will go be other places and then when he needs something Im the...
A. 1 October 2012: he's just using you... I don't think he cares about you or the baby.
he told you to get rid of the baby that he has enough kids...
I'd get a DNA test, take him to court and get court ordered child support....... (read in full...)
How do I handle this? He only comes around when he wants sex!
Q. I am a heavy set woman that is very attractive and has had no problems finding ppl. But this one guy that I have been with only calls or comes around when he wants sex. How can I know if hes ashamed of me? Ive asked him over and over is he ashamed ...
A. 1 October 2012: it's easy.. .stop seeing him.
he only comes around for sex... next time he asks for sex say no....... (read in full...)
Should I send the evidence of his cheating to his wife? I wasted a year of my life with him and want revenge....
Q. I met a guy on a dating site who told me he was seperated, he told me he loved me after 2 weeks, he then told me he was still with the wife and begged me not to finsh it with him, he left her the week after, we had been seeing each other for over a ...
A. 1 October 2012: Sadly for you no matter how you justify it, it's NOT YOUR PLACE to tell her.
sorry. I still vote no.... (read in full...)
Have you ever experienced such a terrible loss? If so, how did you survive?
Q. Hi! I lost my beloved mom 1.5 years ago and I still miss her like crazy. I have an estranged father and a loving fiancé with a loving family. I've been through therapy for a while and found it very helpful, the shrink herself said I was good to go ...
A. 1 October 2012: Ah but you do have remorse that you never really got to say goodbye ON YOUR TERMS so you’re ANGRY with your mom for not telling you the truth and giving you time to process it. And guess what, it’s OK to be angry with her for not treating you like ... (read in full...)
He isn't ready for a relationship, but I really like him!
Q. I need help or advice .There's this guy in my English class that i really like .he already knows that i like him and he told me that he just wasn't ready for a relationship just yet due to past ones ,and that he just wanted to be friends. we are ...
A. 1 October 2012: when a guy (of ANY age) says to you "I'm not ready for a relationship" Nine times out of ten he's left off the last part which is "with YOU"
you can't make him love you or want you.
I'd let it go as best you can and open yourself up to o... (read in full...)
Why is my married ex calling me on the phone?
Q. My ex, who is now married, is flirting with me on the phone. I'm a little baffled because he dumped me after many years of living together and then married very quickly. My question is: is he trying to get me back or does he just realize he's made a ...
A. 1 October 2012: it does not matter why he is doing it...
the question is WHY are YOU allowing it?
he's your EX and he's MARRIED
who cares if he thinks he made a mistake and wants you back
who cares why he is doing it... will it make a difference to y... (read in full...)
Old fashioned b/f is not attached to his phone and is unreachable a good portion of the time!
Q. Hello, I am in a relationship with a wonderful man and everything is in fact quite great between us. We have good communication and I have no doubt in his love for me. Sometimes, however, he is really unreachable. He is a full-time p...
A. 1 October 2012: I too remember the days of no internet, no cell phone and no email. House phones only or snail mail and folks survived and flourished and thrived and made families and babies and marriages…. So that alone is not a bad mark but Cindy as usual ... (read in full...)
Have you ever experienced such a terrible loss? If so, how did you survive?
Q. Hi! I lost my beloved mom 1.5 years ago and I still miss her like crazy. I have an estranged father and a loving fiancé with a loving family. I've been through therapy for a while and found it very helpful, the shrink herself said I was good to go ...
A. 1 October 2012: My mom died when I was 35. She had cancer. I was with her for the last few weeks 24/7 and cared for her. She begged me to end her life…. Over and over… sometimes for hours on end. it was very traumatic. She was being very selfish then and I had ... (read in full...)
Should I send the evidence of his cheating to his wife? I wasted a year of my life with him and want revenge....
Q. I met a guy on a dating site who told me he was seperated, he told me he loved me after 2 weeks, he then told me he was still with the wife and begged me not to finsh it with him, he left her the week after, we had been seeing each other for over a ...
A. 1 October 2012: Revenge is not going to heal your heart.
Revenge may or may not punish him...
she may know and look the other way
it may just make her sadder that she's already being a doormat to this idiot.
IF your goal is to let her know you have to c... (read in full...)
Squirting issues
Q. Ok, so my wife and I have a really healthy sexual relationship. We love trying new things. She has came to like squirting as much as me. We was watching some porn and a girl started cumming and white stuff was oozing out of her. We are trying to ...
A. 30 September 2012: ya gotta put white stuff in her to get white stuff to ooze out...
I suggest whipped cream....
(not really that's like setting her up for a yeast infection where she will ooze white stuff but she will burn and itch and be really angry with yo... (read in full...)
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