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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Is giving a blow job to another guy cheating? My Bf is getting all worked up about what I did.
Q. This is just a quick one so you guys can help see my bf that he is over reacting. We've been going out for just over 1 year and we are very much in love. at the start of the relationship we did everything that we could possibly do both socially an...
A. 22 October 2012: So him going down on another woman is just oral sex and is ok in your book?
IF so, then you guys have an open relationship with some rules..(for example Oral is ok but no kissing and no intercourse)….
If it works for you GREAT.
... (read in full...)
I'm worried about making noise during sex
Q. Now that Ive got used to a condom since 1st time sex I'm finding intercourse with my boyfriend more and more enjoyable.I think I'm now ready to go a bit vocal with the pleasure but I'm young and a bit nervous about starting.It's so quiet in the ...
A. 21 October 2012: are you thinking about this? planning noise?
what i have found is that for some folks noise is involuntary... for others they are silent..
I seriously doubt if you are enjoying yourself and let your self go that you will have much control.
... (read in full...)
I cheated on my LDR boyfriend. Do I tell him or just end things?
Q. I cheated on my long distance boyfriend. I got so lonely waiting around for him to return home. The relationship more or less is dead. Do I tell him or do I just break up? I feel so guilty. ...
A. 21 October 2012: Don't tell him... there is no need...
just break up with him... it's over and done anyway as you have said.. why drag it out?... (read in full...)
Are long distance relationships/friendships really THAT bad?
Q. For the record, I AM not in a LDR. I'm asking this because I constantly see people bashing long distance relations. Or when somebody says that they have a friend online, people immediately think the worst. I have been in LDRs when I was in 6th to 9...
A. 21 October 2012: I am very active with many online FRIENDS... I have no issue with very long term long distance online FRIENDS....
I also have NO issue with folks who meet in real life and do not live in the same area deciding to try an LDR... I did that. We ma... (read in full...)
Is what I do a fetish? Or am I am exhibitionist? My wife says people stare at me in public when I do this
Q. Am I wierd, I dont like to wear underware sometimes and when I go camando in shorts my package sometimes is noticeable. My wife says people keep staring but I dont see them I think she is just worried my junk will spill out at the wrong time. I ...
A. 21 October 2012: if you like the breeze... then why not wear a utilikilt all the time... then you would feel the breeze just fine.. and NOT expose yourself.
to be honest, I have no problem with men going commando. TBH, my husband does it all the time but his... (read in full...)
How can I move past the size issue of my 4 inch penis? What might help me?
Q. Sigh* so lately I have been stressing out about what most guys stress out on. My penis size. I am about 4 inches long only and as for girth I'm not really sure but I know it is not that big either. It's been bothering me because everybody makes fun ...
A. 20 October 2012: These girls have no clue what they are talking about to be honest...
women don't even really get what sex is all about till they are 35 or so.. but I've only ever met women over that age who understand that... I didn't at 16 I thought sex was ... (read in full...)
I need help dealing with very dry, coarse, curly, frizzy hair that is FRIED!
Q. Hi. This isn't a sex/relationship question, but I guess you could say it's a self esteem one. I have very dry/coarse/curly/frizzy hair that is FRIED! I will be getting regular trims from now on, but I desperately need tips as to what I can do it...
A. 20 October 2012: Best advice... stop the heat... that's killing your hair...
I know you like it straight... I have curly hair that I wear straight.. BEST advice is to save your money and get a professional Keratin treatment.
they make a 6 week one that you can... (read in full...)
Is giving a blow job to another guy cheating? My Bf is getting all worked up about what I did.
Q. This is just a quick one so you guys can help see my bf that he is over reacting. We've been going out for just over 1 year and we are very much in love. at the start of the relationship we did everything that we could possibly do both socially an...
A. 20 October 2012: OP you really need to work on what you define as a relationship. In my relationships ANYTHING you can't won't or don't tell your partner is cheating... IF you and your bf had an agreement to be monogamous and you gave another random guy a bl... (read in full...)
Upset that my crush used me, and now we're moving next door to him! How can I deal with this?
Q. I have fantasised about something for a while and it's coming true. My fantasy is that I would move next to my crush of three years. I'm an only child living with my mum and dad in a two bedroom house. My mum is pregnant and we have to move into a b...
A. 19 October 2012: all your mom has to do is refuse his help...
tell her I really don't want his help.
you really won't see him unless you really want to all that often...
i live in a townhouse and go weeks without seeing my neighbors.... (read in full...)
Should I offer myself to this guy for two months before I move abroad? I don't want to look like an idiot'
Q. Dear Cupid, I want to make a deal with this guy but I am not sure if it is normal to do so or how to get by doing the deal without looking like an idiot or making a fool out of my self. I am moving out of the country end of this year as I ju...
A. 19 October 2012: what do you mean by ownership..
do you mean you want FWB/NSA sex for two months..
if that's the case then sure why not
problem is one of you may start to care for the other (usually the woman) and then when you move it would be t... (read in full...)
What if you never meet the right person?
Q. It's struck me. What if you never meet the right person. We all dream of meeting someone we love, who we're attracted to and and who makes us happy but what if that just doesn't happen. What if we never meet the right person? What if we meet...
A. 19 October 2012: I just married "Mr Right" for the fourth time.
I don't buy the whole "right person" thing...
My husband married me as his FIRST wife so I guess i'm his first right person. He's 39... he never believed in marriage till he met me... go figu... (read in full...)
Is she protecting my feelings or is she using me?
Q. So I've known a girl for a few years now and when I tried to let her know I had a crush on her she told me she thought I was just a friend. We have hung out, just the two of us since then. I also picked her up from work early when she was sick. Then ...
A. 19 October 2012: she's not into you that's what it is.
to be honest she's made it clear that "don't call me I'll call you" is on the table for you...
she does NOT view you as boyfriend material or even close friend material... clearly you are an acquainta... (read in full...)
Why is it that I seem to be the only one wanting this to work??. What should I do? My guy friend is disinterested
Q. So... Today... Has been a pretty bad day. To start off the day...i almost lost my guy friend. He decided it was ok to talk to his ex gf. I done told him I don't care who he talks to but he insists tht he didn't want me to have any guy friends....
A. 19 October 2012: Ok OP I can see you aren’t really looking for help just validation that taking emotional abuse is ok.
You say love at first sight is not a fantasy… look at your dad and his NEW girlfriend.. how long have they been together?
I’m glad Ryan ha... (read in full...)
We're hopelessly incompatible. So how do I prepare myself for the break-up?
Q. I deeply and truly love this guy and we've been in a committed relationship for the past two years. However, I have realised (he realises it too, but won't admit it) that we're hopelessly incompatible. We make each other miserable but we still st...
A. 19 October 2012: OP , how brave to know that you need to end it and yet how hard. It’s hard to end it when you care about someone but know it’s wrong… as for the anonymous male poster who thinks you should do the submit thing… I agree with you
There is no way t... (read in full...)
My wife actively discourages me forming any friendships of my own. How do I find the courage to stand up to her?
Q. My wife won't let me have any friends of my own. We've been married for about two years now, and I've always accepted that. I messed up and cheated on her early in our relationship, but she decided to keep me around, and we got married and moved on. ...
A. 19 October 2012: A good counselor will help her explore why she feels the way she does… doing it as a couple will help you see her train of thought and help her work it through as well… It’s not about doing things to earn her trust… a counselor can say “well ... (read in full...)
He's a good guy but soooo boring!
Q. I ve met this really nice guy, who I date now for 6 months. He is everything any woman can wish for: handsome, has a good job, good natured, we managed not to have a single fight, gentleman. But, I can't believe I m actually saying it, he i...
A. 19 October 2012: He sounds PERFECT for me... but clearly he's not for you...
If you are bored you will not be happy in the long run...
... (read in full...)
How can marriage be so special if people just move on and pretty much forget the past?
Q. OK, this is a little deep but I know some will understand where I'm coming from. My wife and I have been happily married for 14 years, but she said a couple things that have always stuck with me. She casually said one day " well if we hadn't married ...
A. 19 October 2012: I am married recently yet again. I'm his first wife. He is my FOURTH husband. He's more special to me than anyone now in my life.
My first husband.. well he's the father of my two sons. I will always have special feelings for him but it just ... (read in full...)
Could it be that working with so many women (aged 30 to 50s) that is causing me daily angst? Should I change jobs?
Q. alright im a young male and i just got a job with 40 "mothers." All but one of them in there late 30's to early 50's. I've noticed that lately i have been worse. When i had just hit puberty I was horny all the time to where masturbation didn't d...
A. 19 October 2012: I don't think it's your job or co-workers either..
it's a function of your age and lack of gf....
it's natural to feel horny all the time at your age...
... (read in full...)
I've been branded as a "person of suspicion" and have been banned from seeing my husband at his work. Is his boss crazy?!
Q. As if my life was not weird enough my boyfriends boss is singling me out for harassment. He is a teacher at a local school. She is the principal. I am not at all sure how to deal with this. I noticed about 2 years ago when she started working ...
A. 18 October 2012: I would work my way up the school board chain... first whomever she reports to, then if you don't get satisfaction go from there.
I would NOT mention your bf in this....
I am betting the principal is irrationally jealous of you and this is ... (read in full...)
Why is it that I seem to be the only one wanting this to work??. What should I do? My guy friend is disinterested
Q. So... Today... Has been a pretty bad day. To start off the day...i almost lost my guy friend. He decided it was ok to talk to his ex gf. I done told him I don't care who he talks to but he insists tht he didn't want me to have any guy friends....
A. 18 October 2012: You have known him two months and are having problems already? RED FLAG ONE
You say that you would kill yourself if you stop loving him? that the statement alone is a serious red flag and that I’m going to strongly recommend therapy for you. To... (read in full...)
How do I turn out a guy who's not asking me out directly?
Q. Hi everyone, How do I turn down a guy who's not asking me out directly to a date? We used to be colleagues, and now I'm going to school again. The guy friended me on Facebook, we exchanged a couple of messages, and now he says that he wants to...
A. 18 October 2012: well what you can do is tell him that while the class is there you may not have any time after to talk to him or visit with him as you have other things going on..
stop assuming he wants you.. maybe he feels the same way about you that you fee... (read in full...)
If a man likes you, he would surely talk?or am I eye candy.
Q. Hey all, I basically would love some opinion's. Very short and sweet, I am 22, gentlemen in question i assume early-mid 30's. The situation: I drop my brother to school and theres a dad who has two young boys, he's very cute as he holds both boys ...
A. 18 October 2012: AT 22 and short he probably is thinking.. what a sweet nice TEENAGE older sister.... seriously honey at 22 years young you may think you look mature but I'm betting you still look like a child to him...
do you really think that a single dad w... (read in full...)
Why is it that I seem to be the only one wanting this to work??. What should I do? My guy friend is disinterested
Q. So... Today... Has been a pretty bad day. To start off the day...i almost lost my guy friend. He decided it was ok to talk to his ex gf. I done told him I don't care who he talks to but he insists tht he didn't want me to have any guy friends....
A. 18 October 2012: because he's got it easy
he can do what he wants but you can't.
why do you want this to work?
rules have to go both ways...
he can't have friends if you can't (and that's not healthy)
... (read in full...)
My wife actively discourages me forming any friendships of my own. How do I find the courage to stand up to her?
Q. My wife won't let me have any friends of my own. We've been married for about two years now, and I've always accepted that. I messed up and cheated on her early in our relationship, but she decided to keep me around, and we got married and moved on. ...
A. 18 October 2012: "my wife won't let me"
what does she do to you when you do it?
how can she "not let you"
do you go to work without her? but then she "makes you" come right home.
go out for a drink with some buddies from work after work.
... (read in full...)
Is it Good if she refers to me as her "younger brother" ? Does that mean that I'm not likely to be more to her?
Q. Hello there everyone :D it has been 2 years since i posted here, and i must say i got some realy good advice back then. so im in need of help once more it seems.... ok so long story short, 4 year ago i met a girl, had a crush, we were besti...
A. 18 October 2012: you are a "younger brother" honey that's friendship... not romance..
are your chances good to date her... not really.... (read in full...)
I have self esteem issues over this. How do I learn to cope with my fiance staring at women?
Q. We attended a job luncheon together and the field is dominated by women. Of course there was a blonde woman sitting not too far from us in a beautiful gray suit dress with her legs crossed and her chair was angled out from the table to hear the...
A. 18 October 2012: Not all men stare. they may LOOK but it's not obvious and upsetting....
IF your guy is one that stares and it is obvious that he's staring at other women and you have told him it bothers you and yet he can't stop... then you may have to brea... (read in full...)
Does 'taking a break' mean she's broken up with me? Devastated. She is the girl for me. Help!
Q. I'm in a crisis state with my girlfriend (hopefully not soon-to-be-ex) our relationship was largely great. we had our issues, but whenever we fought we always worked through them in the end and would kiss and make up. last week we got into a h...
A. 18 October 2012: Couple of red flags here…
1. A trivial fight should not be enough to cause a break up.. if it did there are underlying issues that are not being addressed
2. Having a third party involved in your relationship that is not a professional... (read in full...)
Married six weeks and now he has left me to live in another country? What can I do? No warning. No idea why.
Q. I've just got married, and been married for 6 weeks now. We haven't even had our honeymoon yet, it's been busy with work etc. Our wedding was lovely - cost about $25,000 - at HIS request, not mine, so I can't really be called a bridezilla for t...
A. 18 October 2012: Which country is he a citizen of?
does he have any history of mental illness?
if you know the bedsit he's in can you call it?
what about his cell phone can you call it?
if he's not responding to you, if he just up and abandoned you ... (read in full...)
Seems he might like to still see me for sex. But how should I handle his offer?
Q. I met a man on an on-line dating site. He kept asking me out finally I met him at a coffee shop well we hit it off I don't recall all that he was saying I just knew I enjoyed his company for hours of sitting and talking. It was strange how ...
A. 18 October 2012: IF you are happy being his masturbatory tool then go for it.
you mean nothing to him but sexual release. and if you are ok with that then go for it but I sense that you want more...... (read in full...)
Is he still a player? My new Boyfriend has promised he has stopped sending sexual emails to a woman.
Q. I started dating a 50 yr old man four months ago. We hit it off quickly. He was telling me he loved and adored me within two weeks. He has no children and never married. I recently read emails he had been sending the first two months we were dat...
A. 18 October 2012: My EX husband is a player. He never stopped playing. He said he loved me early on. He was good to me. he took me home to meet mom and dad and his young daughter early on… HE NEVER gave up the ego stroking from other women… and he needed it so ... (read in full...)
I want to save my marriage.My husband has PTSI and TBI and is so angry and mean. He's kicked me out. How can I get him back?
Q. my husband moved out of where we were staying while we were seperated, because he kicked me out. Then he left some of my stuff there and had to go get it.. He wrote me in a text that its over and he filed for divorce.. Now he changed his emai...
A. 17 October 2012: Did he have PTSD and TBI before you married/got together...
if these things are new, then you may not be able to save the marriage.
does he go for help? see a doctor, get therapy, medication?
if not will he?
it still may not hel... (read in full...)
How can I get my family and friends to accept my 25 year old pregnant Gf / future wife and all understand all that she means to me?
Q. my family and friends will not accept that my 25 year old girlfriend soon to be wife is in love with me and wants to be with me. they call her horrible insulting names. yea i cheated on my wife of many many years, and left her for this girl. i...
A. 17 October 2012: I get their point of view and i have some concerns for you..
1. You cheated on your ex-wife with your soon to be wife… are you divorced yet from the ex? IF not, legally you are still cheating… and clearly she made the choice to be involved... (read in full...)
My ex really loved me. WIll we ever get together again?
Q. I am still madly in love with my ex . He broke up with me because he said he was getting sick of my moods . It was unexpected because he really loved me and I was confused . A few weeks later my best friend started hanging out with him and I started ...
A. 17 October 2012: I don't see my next door neighbors every day for goodness sake.
you Say you are hearing from people that he’s rolling his eyes or saying rude things… sounds to me like he is making it clear he’s over you…
Now as for why you STILL love him… ... (read in full...)
How can I get over someone I still love? And did I make a terrible mistake?
Q. Hi all Ive been with my partner for four years now- its been a distance relationship..seeing each other weekends only and it has not always an easy thing. But we have had amazing times. Neither of us were willing to give up good jobs that w...
A. 17 October 2012: Let me tell you my two LDR stories.
Mine first.. met a man we lived about 100 miles apart… once we got serious I would drive up after work for the weekend…sometimes taking all of Friday or half a day… On Monday mornings I would get up and c... (read in full...)
I want alone time with him. He has lots of friends and wants to spend maximum time with them. How is this likely to affect us?
Q. hi i just met a new man and we started to date he wants to be with me and i want to be with him. Problem is he has alot of friends and go out every weekend plus works long hours all week. he wants me to go out with his friends as well but i cant alw...
A. 17 October 2012: have you ASKED him where you fit with him?
if he's asking you to go out with his couple friends... that's a good thing... do you two get ANY alone time?
if not you could ask him why...
how long have you been dating?... (read in full...)
Is he still a player? My new Boyfriend has promised he has stopped sending sexual emails to a woman.
Q. I started dating a 50 yr old man four months ago. We hit it off quickly. He was telling me he loved and adored me within two weeks. He has no children and never married. I recently read emails he had been sending the first two months we were dat...
A. 17 October 2012: “he was telling me he loved and adored me within two weeks”
RED FLAG! That is way too soon for a man to know… (or a women)…
Saying you were his girlfriend while contacting other women for phone sex and sexy talk and wanting to meet them is
... (read in full...)
Women: would balding make you reconsider dating a guy?
Q. How much of a difference does balding make when you consider dating a guy? Does it make him a lot less attractive to you? I've never really asked, but I've been wondering about this a lot lately. I'm 22, and in the last year I've had thinning (on...
A. 17 October 2012: Men bald because they have too much testosterone... if only guys would accept that... and the fact that bald is sexy...
my sons are both balding... one is 28 and one is 26 and it's inherited from the mom's side so yeah... I have guilt for th... (read in full...)
Boyfriend is cold and emotionless. Will he change?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for over five years and I feel so lonely in his presence. He says he's the kind of guy who hates showing his feelings and I want to feel loved and special. He neither show any concern through actions or words. I ...
A. 17 October 2012: Why in the world have you stayed with a cold emotionless man who does not meet your needs for so long?
IF he loved you, you would know it. My husband is not very vocal about his feelings…but I KNOW he loves me…I am the priority in his life…
BTW... (read in full...)
My ex really loved me. WIll we ever get together again?
Q. I am still madly in love with my ex . He broke up with me because he said he was getting sick of my moods . It was unexpected because he really loved me and I was confused . A few weeks later my best friend started hanging out with him and I started ...
A. 17 October 2012: How can someone be rude to you behind your back?
Why are you in love with a guy that’s rude to you behind your back?
Why are you in love with a guy that didn’t even let your seat cool beside him when he ended it with you before he took up with you... (read in full...)
Do we go ahead and get engaged and married after four years of an on off relationship or do we go our separate ways?!
Q. Do we go ahead and get engaged and married after four years of an on off relationship or do we go our separate ways?! Hi, I ve posted on this website before and I ve found the answere really helpful so I am hoping for some advice please. Basically...
A. 17 October 2012: 4 years on and off... and you are on the fence.. my vote is NO
I've been married a few times... and each time I knew in my heart it was the right thing to do...
if you have to ask it's not the right thing to do.
In fact, if you are old... (read in full...)
Is this what married life is like?
Q. I can't meet my wife's expectations. She has the money for a house deposit. She is Chinese and her parents are very poor and asked her to provide the house for them. She has the money to do that but wants to spend it on house for us instead and ...
A. 17 October 2012: Buying a home should be a joint decision and is one of the most stressful times in a couples life… it can be joyous but I find it stressful… and I’ve done it a few times…
ONE of the partners has to start somewhere… but then being flexible... (read in full...)
She tells me she's happy so why is she on dating sites?
Q. I have been dating for just over 3 years. For the past 9 months I have been finding bits about her being on dating sites again. I caught her out on one last year and her aggression after being unable to carry on denying it when I asked her, caused a ...
A. 17 October 2012: IF she has such low self-esteem that she has to have the online attentions of others and it bothers you and she knows it and continues to do it and lie about it... she's like my ex husband and no good can come of it.
It's one thing to be online... (read in full...)
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