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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Has any one else overcome this? I love him, but I think our relationship is on the rocks!
Q. My relationship is on the rocks right now. :( I'm in a struggle where I sometimes wonder if I want to spend the rest of my life with my bf. I don't know if we can last together, and I don't know if I even truly love him. I feel like I'm startin...
A. 14 October 2012: what sorts of problems are you having issues with...
are they "deal breaker" level issues (flirting, cheating, lying, abusing)
or are they quirky things you just don't fee like dealing with (sloppy vs neat, healthy vs bad habits, musical... (read in full...)
Is he wasting my time and stalling me? His actions so far are unreliable and inconsistent.
Q. Why is he acting funny towards me? I don't know what to think. This guy offered me his phone number when I asked for help with a class. When we spoke he didn't remember me, but a few days later I get a text from him about a place. Some friends ...
A. 14 October 2012: he's not interested and your friends are either delusional or trying to set you up to look foolish... hmmm... why would your friends say he likes you.
unless you really need his help in the class (and I would suggest finding someone else to help ... (read in full...)
I love this guy, and I want it to work. So how do I handle him calling me "fat"(I'm not), and commenting on girls he thinks are hot?
Q. Straight to the story, Been dating this guy for 2 months now. Everything was perfect, he is the sweetest person ever! Just one problem and i don't know if i should feel insecure or not! Or what i should even do, i feel like shit! He is very ov...
A. 14 October 2012: Let me start with the fact that at two months out you should still be in bliss with a new guy. Red flags and complaints after a mere 8-10 WEEKS means that after 8-10 months or longer you will have an even longer list of what's wrong.
Thank... (read in full...)
Am I really in love with this guy or does it sound like a physical attraction? How can I tell the difference betwen like, love and just physical attraction?
Q. Dear Cupid How do we know whether we truely someone or its just physical attraction. I'm with this Guy for 2 years, I love him a lot. I never thought he is really handsome or anything, but its something in him I don't know want, makes me crazy a...
A. 14 October 2012: What do you think LOVE is SUPPOSED to feel like...
for me I always assumed it WAS love... you seem to be doing the opposite.... assuming it's not.
what would happen if you couldn't be with him?
would you stay if your sex life (spec... (read in full...)
Why has this guy cooled off? He said he loved me and still wants to see me.
Q. I'm at a loss. I've been seeing this guy since end of July. He said he loved me after 5 weeks. I was surprised but said it back. For the last month. He hasn't seen me much. Whereas before it was once a week, or once every 4 days. He is busy wit...
A. 14 October 2012: he has time to facebook but not talk to you...
If I was you I would stop wasting any energy on this guy...
sometimes folks can't be adult enough to tell someone they changed their mind...... (read in full...)
Is a four year age difference such a deal breaker? We broke up. I still love her. Will this work?
Q. I am a man 21 doing a Degree and in my second year. I have been dating a gal a four years older than me for four years. But last year we talked about our age difference and asked if I was going to work. After sometime, I felt intimidated ...
A. 13 October 2012: 4 years is barely a difference and the older you get the better.
Women actually live longer than men by about 8 years... they come into their sexual prime later than men... Older women should always have younger men.
since women tend to ma... (read in full...)
Is it too early to do this? Should I allow this boy to come into my tent while we are camping and share my sleeping bag?
Q. I'm 14 (girl) I have been talking to this guy that I met the other day, we have been sending hearts. He's coming camping with me and one of my friends and one of his. He wants to if he can sleep in the swag (sleeping bag) with me, is it to early fo...
A. 13 October 2012: yes dear it's too soon to let him sleep in your sleeping bag.
in fact, i think at your age it's too soon for 4 teenagers to go camping without adult supervision... (read in full...)
Can someone please tell me what 'treating a girl like a Princess' is all about?
Q. what is all the stuff about boyfrinds treating their girlfriends like a princess about Sorry I am clueless about this. How is this done? What do I do? why is it required?...
A. 13 October 2012: Depends on how SHE defines princess.
I am the queen of our home... that means:
I want to be respected
I want to be treated with affection and admiration but not told lies
I want to be important in his life... not his be all to end all bu... (read in full...)
Wife is in crisis and how do I move on w/o losing the kids?
Q. How do I move on? My W has been in Midlifecrisis for 2 yrs now (though my counselor says its bipolar) and I dont know whats next?I do still love her, but I cant tolerate the verbal abuse any longer. She frequently says how she hates me, and blames ...
A. 13 October 2012: she definitely needs medications..if wellbutrin did not work there are many others. jumping out of a window is suicidal tendencies... and she strongly needs help.
if you tell her you are taking the kids and leaving maybe she will get the help... (read in full...)
Why has this guy cooled off? He said he loved me and still wants to see me.
Q. I'm at a loss. I've been seeing this guy since end of July. He said he loved me after 5 weeks. I was surprised but said it back. For the last month. He hasn't seen me much. Whereas before it was once a week, or once every 4 days. He is busy wit...
A. 12 October 2012: I agree. IF a man wants to see you he will move heaven and earth do do so...
does not matter where he works
where he lives
or any other obstacle...... (read in full...)
Is my ex trying to tell me he is gay but won't come right out and say it?
Q. This morning I received a text from my ex of a man giving another guy a blowjob and for one split second my mind went blank. I am saying to myself I have kids by this man and he turns around and sends me this picture of two men in a sexual act. I ...
A. 12 October 2012: It's possible he sent it to you in error.
just because a man looks at gay porn does not make him gay.
if you would still love him
if he's your ex
if it does not matter if he is gay or not why do you care?... (read in full...)
He changed his status to "In a Relationship" on Facebook. Does this mean I should move on now?
Q. Hi everyone. I am interested in some opinions on this subject. How much credibility should we give to what friends post on Facebook? For example, if your friend updates his status from "Single" to "In a Relationship" does this really...
A. 12 October 2012: he is a friend with a GF what made you think you had a chance to begin with?
do you really want a man who cheats on a gf to be your boyfriend?
IF i found out my guy was listed on facebook as single and was talking that he was talking so mu... (read in full...)
If my ex still likes me, what should I do? He has a long distance girlfriend....
Q. my ex, "justin" started dating a new girl in july, they're long distance right now because she goes to school in another state. he talks to me every night from like 9 until 3 or 4 every morning. this week we've skyped twice. i recently broke up with ...
A. 12 October 2012: he has a girlfriend
he's an EX
you are on the rebound
you are not getting enough rest if you are staying up all night talking...
you are not a couple
and you are holding on to false hopes...
if he cheats on his gf with you who's to ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend really hurts me during sex
Q. My boyfriend hurts me when we have sex. I'm a small built girl and quite skinny and he's a whole lot heavier than me. He lies down ontop of me and puts all his weight on me. He grinds his chest into my boobs and literally drags my nipples down my ...
A. 12 October 2012: he won't stop because he does not care about you...
all he sees you as is a vessel to insert his penis into.
if you want to continue to see him, then you will have to be very VERY proactive and treat him like the animal that he is behavi... (read in full...)
She told me to my face she doesn't love me! Is she being serious?
Q. I am in love with a girl but she boldly told me to my face that she does'nt love me. How do i know if she is serious? And what should i do if she is serious or not?...
A. 12 October 2012: why would you think she's not serious.
if you are in love with her but she does not love you then you can't make her love you and you should cut your losses and move on...
... (read in full...)
Why has this guy cooled off? He said he loved me and still wants to see me.
Q. I'm at a loss. I've been seeing this guy since end of July. He said he loved me after 5 weeks. I was surprised but said it back. For the last month. He hasn't seen me much. Whereas before it was once a week, or once every 4 days. He is busy wit...
A. 12 October 2012: I have read that men tend to come on like gangbusters (and saying I love you after 5 weeks is just that) but then when reality hits they "crash and burn" so to speak.
He's rethinking this and he's backing off because he moved too fast... ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to want a proper blow-job from my girlfriend?
Q. I've been with my girlfriend for 3 years, she's the only girl I've ever been with and I love her, everything is perfect but there is one thing she won't do for me. She won't finish me off with a blow-job ever. I'm not even asking her to swallow ...
A. 12 October 2012: You have been with this woman for three years… sparing her feelings is not the key. COMMUNICATION is the key.
Saying “I’m going to tell her straight not to do it any more” when you know that’s not what you want is much like taking your toys and... (read in full...)
Wife is in crisis and how do I move on w/o losing the kids?
Q. How do I move on? My W has been in Midlifecrisis for 2 yrs now (though my counselor says its bipolar) and I dont know whats next?I do still love her, but I cant tolerate the verbal abuse any longer. She frequently says how she hates me, and blames ...
A. 12 October 2012: I agree with the counselor that your wife is mentally ill not having a midlife crisis...
by saying she is having a midlife crisis you do realize you are enabling her to be ill and therefore that makes you co-dependent...
your kids are old... (read in full...)
How can I put myself out there to find myself a lovely and really great wife ??
Q. Hopefully this isn't too small of a matter to bother you with but regadless if it is well or poorly placed, I have confidence that I could get a relationship started fairly quickly if I could find my girlfriend and hopefully wife but I'm not ...
A. 12 October 2012: the best place to meet people who you are compatabile with is at places you do things you like doing.
cooking classes
yoga classes
whatever you are interested in, make it so... go to classes... do not go specifically to meet someone... (read in full...)
How do I apologise to him and his Gf? What can I do to keep him in my life as just a friend?
Q. i have a best friend who did a lot for me more than anyone has ever done for me. i lived with him for 7 years and have known him since i was 14. He was the only person who was always there for me through thick and thin and supported me in all of l...
A. 12 October 2012: I can't find it but I think you posted about this already... if' I'm wrong forgive me...
there is no way to fix this.
and there is no way IMO for ex's (and clearly he's an ex he's your first love and the last two years of the relationshi... (read in full...)
My guy's mother hates me. How can I get her to accept me and her grandson?
Q. I met my bf three years ago just before he left to go over seas with the army. We didnt "offically" start dating until he came home because he didnt think it was fair to ask me to wait for him, We wrote each other almost daily and I waited for...
A. 12 October 2012: Personally I understand a lot of this...
she's toxic.
just because she's his biological parent does not make her a good parent.
he has cut her out of his life with good reason. Accept this and move on... are there siblings of his or a f... (read in full...)
Is it too late ? How do I apologise sincerely and convincely? I know I messed up and ruined our trip gether.
Q. i was seeing a very nice guy soon after ending a long term relationship of 13 years. Unfortunately it only lasted a few months because I was not ready for a relationship so soon and he was hurt by me. we planned a trip together and right before...
A. 12 October 2012: A note with a housewarming gift and a huge apology would be nice.
IF he paid for your part of the trip I would also reimburse him for his expense to let him know how sincere you are.
... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to want a proper blow-job from my girlfriend?
Q. I've been with my girlfriend for 3 years, she's the only girl I've ever been with and I love her, everything is perfect but there is one thing she won't do for me. She won't finish me off with a blow-job ever. I'm not even asking her to swallow ...
A. 12 October 2012: IF YOU KNOW she does not like it why do you let her do it?
IF YOU KNOW she does not like it then WHY do you keep hoping you will get a “proper” blow job.
Would you want her to eat something she did not like to eat? Would you let her eat some... (read in full...)
Found a 'sext' on my wife's phone
Q. My wife and I have a wonderful relationship...but I do work a lot and she wishes she had more attention. Anyway a friend of mine recently friend requested her on facebook and I guess began chatting with her. I came home the other night and wa...
A. 12 October 2012: I love Honeypie's idea.
since you know it's your friend, make sure you tell her that too.... (read in full...)
I'm gay and my boyfriend wants to have sex but I'm scared that he will hurt me
Q. Ok s first of all im gay. My boyfriend of a month really wants to have sex. But im scared to because im the bottom and his penis is very large and hes really rough whenever we have fooled around before. What should i do because i honestly think i ...
A. 12 October 2012: 1. you are too young truly to be thinking of sex
2. IF YOU ARE SCARED YOU ARE NOT READY no matter how old you are
3. he does not sound very loving and kind so I'm not sure why he's a good boyfriend
4. ONE month at your age is not a long t... (read in full...)
Would you date someone who you knew was going to move to another country?
Q. Would you date someone if you knew he/she was leaving the country within the year and there could never be anything serious? I am coming out of a relationship and I want something very casual, but I will be moving away within the year. I feel bad...
A. 12 October 2012: Well are you looking for actual casual DATING or are you looking for FWB/casual sex?
because I would think that by the time you get to a third casual date you will have talked about such things as jobs, school, some light plans... it would pr... (read in full...)
Why do people talk badly about their ex?
Q. Why people actually talks bad thngs against thie ex-lover?...
A. 12 October 2012: Not all people do.
Those that do would fall into two groups
those that talk bad about them by either telling lies or just trying to generally "trash talk" them because they are angry and/or hurt by the ex--these are usually the ones that we... (read in full...)
Partner only wants hand jobs and anal sex. I'm confused!
Q. My partner only seems to want handjobs (about 3 times a week) and no penetrative sex. On the other hand all he talks about wanting is anal sex. Im confused what to think. Anal sex is not for me and no matter how many times i say so he continues to ...
A. 11 October 2012: I'd think you guys are not well matched sexually.
It has to be very annoying to constantly be badgered about anal sex even after you say NO over and over.
what is your question for us?... (read in full...)
It's our old home where we used to live together. What message is he sending me: he has clearly been visiting the place for sex with a new girl. Why leave evidence?
Q. I split up with my boyfriend and he's been begging me back for months I recently started communicating with him again as I wanted to try and have a friendship and he agrees he wanted the same . We both have keys to our home which we shared and he...
A. 11 October 2012: why does he have a key to the home... you two have broken up correct?
are you both living in the same house? if so one of you has to move.. if he does not live there with you CHANGE the LOCKS...
problem solved.
Are you are hoping we wi... (read in full...)
Fallen for the wrong type of woman
Q. I am old. Almost 35 and separated 6 months ago with a kid, in what was a loveless relation since years and maybe never. Anyway it did not work because I chosed for me a wrong kind of partner. A woman which was very self centered and not so much fam...
A. 11 October 2012: I have never been one to hide my feelings... so I'd come right out and discuss it after 3 months I think it's enough time.... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to want a proper blow-job from my girlfriend?
Q. I've been with my girlfriend for 3 years, she's the only girl I've ever been with and I love her, everything is perfect but there is one thing she won't do for me. She won't finish me off with a blow-job ever. I'm not even asking her to swallow ...
A. 11 October 2012: Have you asked her why if she likes doing it she is always asking if she can stop. Have you TOLD HER YOU WANT MORE? When she stops and asks can we have sex now do you say YES… next time say NO I WANT A PROPER BLOW JOB… and tell me what ... (read in full...)
Would you date someone who you knew was going to move to another country?
Q. Would you date someone if you knew he/she was leaving the country within the year and there could never be anything serious? I am coming out of a relationship and I want something very casual, but I will be moving away within the year. I feel bad...
A. 11 October 2012: as long as you are totally honest about the fact that even if they whine and cry and beg you to continue the relationship as an LDR you will turn your back and walk away from them, then go for it.
honesty is the only issue for me.
of course m... (read in full...)
What was my ex thinking when he wrote this message?
Q. Some background information about me: I'm 22. My ex-boyfriend broke up with me more than a year ago (yes, it's been a long time). There's a 17 year age difference between us and we were together for about 4 and a half years. We were happy toget...
A. 11 October 2012: Questions:
“what was he thinking” he was thinking to be polite in asking you to leave him alone
Now:
1. Whether he is attached or not has NO BEARING on the fact that HE DOES NOT WISH YOU TO CONTACT HIM.
2. He sent the message after he wo... (read in full...)
Would you date someone who you knew was going to move to another country?
Q. Would you date someone if you knew he/she was leaving the country within the year and there could never be anything serious? I am coming out of a relationship and I want something very casual, but I will be moving away within the year. I feel bad...
A. 11 October 2012: as long as you are upfront about the fact that you are leaving and WILL NOT do the LDR thing... you can try to find someone willing to take the risk....
what happens if it gets serious and you move and they want to go with you? will you den... (read in full...)
Does this girl fancy me now that she's single?
Q. I have been friends with this girls for nearly 10 years and she's starting to act differently. She recently broke up with her boyfriend after he cheated on her. Ever since that happened she seems to be getting closer to me. She is always asking me ...
A. 11 October 2012: there's always a chance but if she recently broke up with the boyfriend she needs to heal... do you want to be her rebound guy?
you guys have been friends for most of your lives... she may think of you as a brother...
the only way to know for... (read in full...)
Should I quit work and return to Uni? In a LTR which may be affected by the decision.
Q. This isn't really a relationship problem but I would be very grateful for any advice offered. Basically I suspended my uni studies last year due to personal problems and I'm torn between going back or not. I'm worried if I do go back the same thing ...
A. 11 October 2012: can you go back part time?
that's what I did after I dropped out in 1981 I went back in 1990... it took me TWENTY-THREE YEARS total to get my degree but I did it... part time at night...... (read in full...)
Should I let the age difference bother me?
Q. I met a beautiful person and I'm so afraid to let myself go and fall harder for him. i guess im so worried about our age difference, I am 39 but get told that i look 25-28 and he is 23. We been sort of dating and talking for seven months, he ...
A. 11 October 2012: oh dear... it's not a bad gap in general.. sadly it's a lousy gap given that he is 23 and you are 39...
and he wants kids..
his YOUTH and the fact that he wants kids is my ONLY concern.
that being said... here I go with my story (which i... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to want a proper blow-job from my girlfriend?
Q. I've been with my girlfriend for 3 years, she's the only girl I've ever been with and I love her, everything is perfect but there is one thing she won't do for me. She won't finish me off with a blow-job ever. I'm not even asking her to swallow ...
A. 11 October 2012: What magical thing do you think will happen if she finishes you off with a blow job?
I’m going to tell you something right now based just on what you are saying… she’s giving you “a bit of sucking for a minute or two” only because you want it. I am... (read in full...)
In an unhappy marriage and feel very sad and trapped. Please help.
Q. Help. My husband never allows me to get angry and express my self. He will threaten me with divorce and tells me i am inconveniencing him by causing problems. I bottle up my feelings for fear of his harsh words. I am always sacrificing for him and ...
A. 11 October 2012: call his bluff.
when you get mad and he says he will divorce you say
"that's fine at least then i can be true to myself"
if you stay with an emotionally abusive man (and that's what he is doing is emotionally abusing you) you are tea... (read in full...)
Fallen for the wrong type of woman
Q. I am old. Almost 35 and separated 6 months ago with a kid, in what was a loveless relation since years and maybe never. Anyway it did not work because I chosed for me a wrong kind of partner. A woman which was very self centered and not so much fam...
A. 11 October 2012: 35 is NOT old. stop that.
IF you are currently seeking a stable long term permanent relationship and the woman you are seeing is not seeking that then yes you should not waste her time or your time...
BUT that being said I am as Cind... (read in full...)
I really like this girl but hardly ever see her. Should I continue when I feel this disappointed?
Q. I have started seeing this girl and its been going on for about a month. When we're together its really nice but thats the problem. She never wants to see me. shes always too busy going to parties which i never get invited to. We arranged to meet...
A. 11 October 2012: she never wants to see you?
she goes to parties that you are not invited to and does not ask if she can bring you?
I'd walk away. she's not that into you.... (read in full...)
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