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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Does he take me for granted? Am I not a Priority in his life? NO birthday present from him either!!
Q. Hi all, I need a little help trying to decipher my boyfriend's behaviour over the weekend. We have been together for 6 months and are in a long distance relationship. He is sweet and has had a tough year with his dad dying and moving house a...
A. 26 October 2012: I would leave it alone
AND when he contacts you (or attempts it) I'd be too busy.
IF you can't bring yourself to block his number, his email and his facebook, then you set yourself up for knowing when he comes a knocking looking for sex.... (read in full...)
She tells me she's happy so why is she on dating sites?
Q. I have been dating for just over 3 years. For the past 9 months I have been finding bits about her being on dating sites again. I caught her out on one last year and her aggression after being unable to carry on denying it when I asked her, caused a ...
A. 17 October 2012: IF she has such low self-esteem that she has to have the online attentions of others and it bothers you and she knows it and continues to do it and lie about it... she's like my ex husband and no good can come of it.
It's one thing to be online... (read in full...)
Why did he cheat if he loves me?
Q. Hey I've recently broken up with my (ex) boyfriend who has been cheating on me. I can't seem to move on, he is all I ever think about. I've blocked him on Facebook many times but then I unblock him so we can talk. We have tried many many times ...
A. 17 October 2012: actually I think you want to tell him you slept with his bf so he would stop contacting you and do what you know needs to be done which is go No Contact.
DO NOT listen to the words coming out of his mouth.. WORDS mean nothing.. action means ev... (read in full...)
How can I forget this teacher I fell in love with?
Q. I want to share my story I am14 years old and I am a girl , my female teacher she came new at school I first fell like I have a crush but then now i have noticed that I love her , so ofcorse I didn't tell her but unfortunately , she had to go out of ...
A. 17 October 2012: You get on with your life honey... it will pass with time.
walk a different way in school so you don't have to walk past her old office.
get busy with school activities and friends and school work and homework and sports...
don'... (read in full...)
I don't know if I'm still in love with my ex...
Q. I don't know if i'm still in love with my ex... We had 5 yrs LDR and broke it off a little over one year ago. since then, we both started new relationships, but mantained frequent contact. A couple of weeks ago, we both started flirting ov...
A. 17 October 2012: well first of all you must end it with the current boyfriend.
If you seek clarity having a boyfriend while trying to figure out if you want to be with an ex is too difficult and not fair to your boyfriend.
Why are you in frequent contact ... (read in full...)
Is saying he loves me a real indication that he does really love me?
Q. My boyfriend said I love you for the first time over a message on facebook. Since then often sends me messages saying he loves me. He sometimes says it as I am going to leave his house or at the end of a phone call But he never says it randoml...
A. 17 October 2012: my husband NEVER says he loves me.... but he does.
does it mean he doesn't?
IMO words mean NOTHING.... do you think he loves you? do his actions show you that he loves you?... (read in full...)
Why am I never wet during sex?
Q. when having sex i've never been 'wet' and this makes sex VERY difficult and uncomfortable. Is this common or is something wrong here? ...
A. 17 October 2012: it's very common
how much foreplay are you getting?
foreplay is what you need to get wet... and aroused...
... (read in full...)
GF doesn't like her engagement ring, what do I do?
Q. I recently proposed to my girlfriend who said yes. Our wedding is in March and she just finally told me that she doesn't like her ring because people don't know it's an engagement ring when they see it and it won't match her dress and clothes. It's ...
A. 17 October 2012: how about just replacing the center stone with a new white diamond and putting the pink diamond in the vault so that in a few years you can make an anniversary ring out of it for her?... (read in full...)
He's perfect -- except that we can't have kids
Q. Ok - I have a slight issue... lol I really like older men - like REALLY like them. 3 previous relationships have always had a 20 year age gap. Is this normal?? Now I've started seeing a guy who is early 40's and he's everything I am looking...
A. 16 October 2012: I agree with EWO...
vasectomies sometimes can be reversed... but if he does not want any more kids and you want kids... well honey I hate to say this but it's a no brainer... you must leave.
if he wants kids but does not want a reversal ... (read in full...)
We've been fighting and he's texting someone late at night. Plus he says we're "on a break'. Should we stay together?
Q. My boyfriend and I are on a break. However we are still living together, it's awkward. We have been fighting a lot, especially in the last few months, and we have only been together for 8 months, living together for 6. Tensions were high and I ...
A. 16 October 2012: This is so not a good situation.
1. MOVE OUT… or get him to move out.
Living together after two short months of dating… wow… not a great idea. You two barely knew each other… and now that you are only together 8 months you are on a BREAK… if ... (read in full...)
He's not interested in providing for me if he passes away. Is he being selfish?
Q. Hi I remarried in May this year, we both have grown up kids,I have 4 he has 2, He owns our house,and is buying another house to rent out, we have no life insurance, and Im worried that if he dies before me, I will have nothing,he always said his...
A. 16 October 2012: providing for you is one thing... providing for your children is a totally different kettle of fish.
If he dies before you, where will you live? how will you pay the bills... is there life insurance for him? as a spouse you should get it first... (read in full...)
And I being selfish wishing to back out of being a bridesmaid? The bride's expectations are too high.
Q. A very rich close friend of mine is getting married in February and has asked me to be one of her bridesmaids. Of course I said yes as I've known her for years but here's the problem, she expects that I will pay for the following: My dress £210, Sh...
A. 16 October 2012: IF you can't afford it you can't afford it.
You told her that you can't afford it and she has to either pony up the money if it's important enough for you or she has to accept that you are an adult and know your financial limitations.
as a ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to stay with a woman, even if you do not see long term potential?
Q. Basically, my GF of 2 years cheated on me with a stranger. She denied cheating and lied to my face until I confronted her with circumstantial evidence that eventually made her confess. Although she denies having sexual intercourse, she...
A. 16 October 2012: OP YOU said : “with her - with no direction towards marriage promised.” To me as a woman knowing how I feel about a man I would INTERPRET this to mean that it’s still got potential…. She MAY interpret “no direction towards marriage promised” as ... (read in full...)
I want to be with my boyfriend, but at the same time I need a partner who can support himself!
Q. Hi everyone. Just wondering if someone can give me their perspective on my situation. I've come across similar situations, yet none quite like mine. Here it goes,... I've been with the same guy for almost 10 years (I was 20, him 21). We've de...
A. 16 October 2012: Hard choices… ten years is a long time… but I can say with my years of experience that a ONE hour distance is very doable.. heck many of us commute around here longer than that daily for work.
He lives with mom
He has in ten years NOT made a... (read in full...)
I finally left him but he is begging for me to go back, did I make the right choice?
Q. hello, am glad i met you guys.coz i have something in my heart i just want to get off my chest. i have known my boyfriend for 2 years now.he has a history of being a drunk but when i met him he had just broke up with his ex becoz he ignores her...
A. 16 October 2012: You made the right choice to leave a man who is not giving you what you need/want.
He is not your problem.
you need to block his email, facebook, phone, twitter etc.. and move on with your life....
you are doing him a favor... if he t... (read in full...)
We are great friends and he wants to be with me but I just don't fancy him, am I being too picky? Or am I right to not want to risk our friendship?
Q. I have this friend - we have been friends for around seven years and I would class him as my BEST male friend. Anyway, we met seven years ago - he was my best friend's bf for around 2 years and they have a child together. I am actually god mother :...
A. 16 October 2012: While it sux that your friend betrayed you… do realize that SHE did not ruin your future by sleeping with your boyfriend HE ruined it. If you want to call a future with a man willing to cheat on you a future….
IF you don’t fancy him, you don’... (read in full...)
Long distance and little effort
Q. I have been seeing this girl for 3 months. Now we are long distance. I suddenly had a job meeting in her city so I took a flight and got suddenly there. Upon leaving I told her I was coming. She said she was busy but she ll try to see me that night, ...
A. 16 October 2012: I think she is not that into you
and you should not put forth any more effort.
when my husband and I were LDR (the first year we were a couple) we took every chance we could to be together... even if it was just my crawling into bed to... (read in full...)
Why cant I orgasm when having sex? Is there something wrong with me?
Q. why is easy for me to have orgasm using fingering or by myself than make sex to a man...why i never comeout or have orgasm is man used me by his penis..is there something wrong to my body?pls let me know why?thanks...
A. 16 October 2012: there is nothing wrong with you.
most women do not orgasm from penetrative sex... teach your man to finger you the way you do to bring yourself to orgasm.
... (read in full...)
Is it possible to get back the person I love? How do I show I have changed? I promised to change in the past and I failed to do so.
Q. I am still in love with my ex boyfriend and I really want us back together. we been together for almost two years and we broke up three weeks ago. He is suddenly so distant with me and ignores me. I know the reason is because we always argue ab...
A. 16 October 2012: I’m sorry you miss him and are hurting… I can tell you that you can’t change your fundamental personality traits and you are who you are…
If you don’t talk to him or if you do it does not matter, if he wants to move on he’s going to move on…... (read in full...)
GF doesn't like her engagement ring, what do I do?
Q. I recently proposed to my girlfriend who said yes. Our wedding is in March and she just finally told me that she doesn't like her ring because people don't know it's an engagement ring when they see it and it won't match her dress and clothes. It's ...
A. 16 October 2012: I started to answer this last night but I hate being the first answer… and guess what I’m glad I waited… because I have a totally different view point…
She is young and foolish and does not understand what an engagement ring signifies… or that ... (read in full...)
Two teens madly in love. Do I stay or go? Or should I move on and try again when he grows up?
Q. So my boyfriend and I had been together for a year before suggesting that we take a break from the frustration of not seeing each other and fighting about it all the time. I was upset but found out that he just wanted me to be happy with someone....
A. 16 October 2012: You go. this is why:
1. you are young and what we want when we are young is not what we want/need when we are older.
2. you don't trust him
3. a break from a relationship is never just "a break" it's the start of a full blown break up
... (read in full...)
My friend's boyfriend is coming onto me, how can I make him stop?
Q. I have a problem. My best friend has been with her boyfriend for 10 months. We both have known him for the same time. He doesn't act like he likes her. You can say he is "lovey-dovey" with her. But he is with me. He hugs me. A few times he has ...
A. 15 October 2012: you say he is good to her
are you sure he's just not friendly....... (read in full...)
I think I need a break from boyfriend but he doesn't want this and I don't want to hurt him
Q. Hi, I have been going out with my boyfriend for almost 7 years, everything was perfect up until about a year ago, I have mentioned to him how I feel, when im around him I adore the ground he walks on and never want to leave him but when im home I ...
A. 15 October 2012: if you have been with him for 7 years... I'm hoping and praying you are 21... that still means you have been together since you were 14/15... so very young....
what happens if you don't go to his place on a weekend? does he come to you? why no... (read in full...)
He made a big fuss pretending to not know this woman when she only said 'hi' to him, is he hiding something?
Q. I'm not sure if my husband is hiding something from me. The other night we went to dinner and after went window shopping. A female said hi to him. I immediately said who was that. His first response was I dont know. So I said to him well think ...
A. 15 October 2012: yeah I too wonder why are you so concerned? what else is going on to be suspicious about?
I often forget folks names and faces... or both...
if a guy said hi to me and I didn't remember I'd say "i don't know" and if my hubby pushed me I... (read in full...)
Can a relationship work between 2 people like this? me - never used drugs. him - clean now, but used to use every drug imaginable!
Q. I need some input from people who have understanding of drug addicts. I'm in a relationship with a man my age who used to be a drug addict. He started in his teen until his mid 20s and has done pot, acid, cocaine, ecstasy but heroin was his bigg...
A. 15 October 2012: of course it can work...
if he's clean now and working his program it doesn't matter that you were not an addict in the past... in fact it's probably better...
I know that YouWish is alluding to the use of pot as a gateway drug but I don... (read in full...)
She is half my age and up the duff!
Q. OMG!! my husband of 21 years wants a divorce after getting his co-worker who is half his age pregnant. he says he loves me but he is in love with her and wants to marry her, and is excited about the baby. we had no children together but i had 2 from ...
A. 15 October 2012: you are not stupid.
I'm sorry he lied
I'm sorry he cheated.
YOU did not do anything wrong...
you will get over this betrayal and pain.
do you really want to fight for him? what are you fighting for? a man who lies? a man who cheats?... (read in full...)
Realistically, what do 20 something year old girls think of men with long hair?
Q. I've always been really self-conscious about my appearance, namely because I have pale-skin, red hair, freckles, and glasses, while the rest of my family all has dark Native-American hair, eyes, and skin. As such, I was always picked-on for being ...
A. 15 October 2012: i like long hair on guys with the following rules:
NO balding... he must have a full head of hair.. nothing as ulgy as a skullet...
it must be CLEAN at all times..washed and dried daily if necessary.
it must be TRIMMED and well kept at... (read in full...)
Do I dump him over the attention he's giving his 'back-up women?" I no longer trust him.
Q. My boyfriend is around 10 years older than me and is in a rush to get married because he feels that he is of that age and his family and culture expects that of him. We're of the same culture and I definitely understand that about him but I just c...
A. 15 October 2012: why do you still care about him
he's cheating on you
he lied to you
he continues to lie to you
he's pressuring you to do things you don't want (i.e. marry)
sorry but men in love don't need "backup girls"
I vote for dump him ... (read in full...)
Even though he is planning to marry me, why do I feel like I am second best? Does the mother of his child have more claim to him?
Q. I have been in a relationship for 2 years with a guy we are so good together. he has a child froma past relationship, he loves her so much, that i fear he might have to choose her/(and of courss the mother) over me.,when it gets to the point, wh...
A. 15 October 2012: choosing a child over someone (if such a thing happens) does not mean "of course the mother)
I have two sons from a prior relationship...their dad is a good man but he's my ex for a reason and choosing my sons never meant choosing their dad.
... (read in full...)
The sex is so unsatisfying for me. What are my options? My husband has ED and has been the doctor, but then forgets his medication for ED
Q. I don't know where to go. My husband and I were raised in very conservative religious homes and had no sexual experience prior to marriage (at 18 and 19). He has an ongoing problem with premature ejaculation (I think his record is 10 seconds)...
A. 15 October 2012: Well you have several options
1. you learn to accept that this is the way it is... bring yourself to orgasm without him and then get what you can from him.
2. take a lover on the side (with permission of your spouse so you're not cheating)... (read in full...)
Drinking: How much is too much?
Q. I know this is not a relationship question, but i dont know where else to ask and i have posted stuff on here before and i like the amount of help i have received so i would like to try to get some help. This is about my life and drinking. I am c...
A. 15 October 2012: IF you are asking then it's too much.
even if you just drink one day a week, drinking to excess (and you are drinking more than double what you need to "catch a buzz") and drinking beyond control are signs of addiction.
I have no problem havi... (read in full...)
Family Guest arriving soon. Is it okay to put a rubber(?) mattress cover on the double bed where they will be sleeping alone?
Q. Okay, this is an odd question and probably doesn't belong here, but... We have some guests coming soon. One of them is a bit mentally challenged. The last time we saw this person, they smelled terribly of urine. Is it okay to put a rubber(?) ...
A. 15 October 2012: I would cover the entire mattress in waterproof covering... you can buy zipper mattresses that way.. I'd also put an absorbent pad over the plastic covering...
they may not wet the bed.... or they may wear adult diapers...
it might just be th... (read in full...)
How to understand your man !!
Q. Why is it, that it seems men just dont get women. Dont get me wrong both sexes can be just as bad as each other but however men seem so thoughtless. I for instance will make sure that my man is looked after has what he needs and i never have him ...
A. 14 October 2012: There is a great book that speaks to what jannipeg is talking about ... "The Five Languages of Love" It's a must for all couples...
for example My language of love is words whereas my husband's is acts of service... so he does things f... (read in full...)
Will I be short forever? I'm 18 now.
Q. As a child I was always taller than normal. As a baby I was born taller than average. I was almost 2 feet long when i was born. At age 8,i was 5'3. But at age 12,I stopped growing and,I've been the same height ever since (5'7). At age 18,is...
A. 14 October 2012: my son was 18 and 6 ft even when he went to college.. he was done at age 23 and nearly 6'4"
boys tend to grow till they are around 21... (read in full...)
Is it a sin to masturbate?
Q. So, i'm 16 years old and i'm basically wondering if you think msterbating is a sin or a bad thing. Even though i don't go to church i still want to be a really good person and not do anything that's considered a sin. Whenever i look this question ...
A. 14 October 2012: I don't think it's a sin at all.
I always say "If God didn't want us to masturbate he would have made our arms shorter"... (read in full...)
Divorced partner has asked me to move into ex marital home but its full of reminders of his ex wife. What should I do?
Q. Dear Cupid, I'm middle aged and have been dating a man for over two years. I have my own house, which is paid for. He also has a house that after his divorce he bought with a girlfriend. I recently found out, that when he was married they wer...
A. 14 October 2012: do not sell your house.
FWIW I don't want to sell mine but my husband insists since I have lived here with other husbands before him.... we have redone the house but we still will be moving...
I do not think your request is unreasonable..... (read in full...)
He phones me then hangs up. What do you think? Do you think he's playing a game to see how much I care?
Q. Hello, My boyfriend broke up with me this past May. He is a Marine stationed across the country from where I'm attending college. Since January he had been begging me to give up my senior year in college, move to his base and marry him. I o...
A. 14 October 2012: yes block his number and move on honey...
he's playing games... ... (read in full...)
Man's point of view: Do men flirt with girls they aren't into?
Q. I NEED HELP! I have had a huge crush on one of my coworkers for years, he is also one of my best guy friends (we are both in our late 20s) he is a bit of a flirt with some of the girls we work (less hands-on than he is with me and just little ...
A. 14 October 2012: do you have a shot at what? getting laid? sure..... he'll probably have FWB sex with you and I can promise that will wreck the friendship...
do you have a shot at a REAL romantic boyfriend girlfriend relationship with him... probably not. ... (read in full...)
He's a widower in his 50s. Is there a chance for us? Should I be more patient with him?
Q. I currently like a guy, (in his 50s...), we do enjoy spending time together whenever I'm visiting his city, and he writes pretty much every day, or whenever I reply him. We're not officially anything, just 2 good friends. We sometimes flirt through ...
A. 14 October 2012: How long have you two been friends like this?
because if it's been more than 3 or 4 months he's not interested in more....
Has he done grief counseling? therapy for the loss of his wife? does he have children with her?
you may ha... (read in full...)
Does he take me for granted? Am I not a Priority in his life? NO birthday present from him either!!
Q. Hi all, I need a little help trying to decipher my boyfriend's behaviour over the weekend. We have been together for 6 months and are in a long distance relationship. He is sweet and has had a tough year with his dad dying and moving house a...
A. 14 October 2012: you are in love with what you want him to be and what you want the relationship to be.
while he has had a lot going on he's also making it clear you are not important enough to nurture the relationship. It may be due to depression in which ca... (read in full...)
I love him, but is there something wrong in his head? Do I need to speak to a Doctor about him?
Q. I really need some help and advice about my boyfriend, we've been dating on and off for four years now and I'm not even eighteen yet. I love him ever so much and I couldn't live with out him! but over the past two years things have been really c...
A. 14 October 2012: where are your parents... why aren't you with your parents why are you sleeping nightly with this boy...
he needs to see a professional this is too much for you to handle.
where are his parents... how old is he?... (read in full...)
Has any one else overcome this? I love him, but I think our relationship is on the rocks!
Q. My relationship is on the rocks right now. :( I'm in a struggle where I sometimes wonder if I want to spend the rest of my life with my bf. I don't know if we can last together, and I don't know if I even truly love him. I feel like I'm startin...
A. 14 October 2012: what sorts of problems are you having issues with...
are they "deal breaker" level issues (flirting, cheating, lying, abusing)
or are they quirky things you just don't fee like dealing with (sloppy vs neat, healthy vs bad habits, musical... (read in full...)
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