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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Why has she gone cold all of a sudden?
Q. I have been seeing this girl on and off since August, she is 27, and in 34. We hit it off straight away and get along really well. We started off casual dating, going to the cinema, meals out, walks ect. We both work full time, and both have quite ...
A. 9 October 2012: Do you WANT to see her? why are you playing games with her if you want to see her or get to know her?... (read in full...)
Why would my ex watch me as I walked away?
Q. what does it mean your ex watched you walk away? yesterday i seen my ex and his wife at the store my best friend that he was watching me. she said he watched me until i got in the store and then he looked away. i haven't talked to him in 8 days we ...
A. 9 October 2012: it doesn't mean anything.
he watched big deal.
he's the father of your child. adults wish the people they had relationships with well.... but he's married and he's an ex...
he watched maybe he was telling his wife things about you.. ... (read in full...)
How do I get my prude girlfriend to do sexual things with me?!
Q. How do I get my prude girlfriend to do shit with me?! We have been dating for a few weeks and we have only made out. I try to feel her up and she just stops me. how can i seduce/persuade her to let me finger her or give me dome!? ...
A. 8 October 2012: you should dump her because she won't put out for you....
(do the girl a favor and leave her... she's not the girl for you go find some slutty girl to put out for you)
why in the world at 16/17 (and btw how old is she?) would you expect a g... (read in full...)
My LDR of 4 years wants to break up when we are set to move in within a month! Help me!
Q. We've been in a long distance relationship for 4 and half years now , and in 1 month I could finally move in with her and we could start our lifes together , even yesterday we were planning what car we should get etc. (she is Norwegian I am ...
A. 8 October 2012: you must be in such pain... 4 1/2 years of LDR is hard and I would be crazy.... we barely made it a year.
if she is the same age as you then you two have been together through the formative teen years and as long as it was online and only seeing e... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has had sex with 100 girls. Am I just the next one in line?
Q. My boyfriend confessed to having nearly 100 past sexual partners. I'm still a virgin, which makes it a shocker for me. He told me that before he turned 21 (his bday is next month) he wanted to go above 100, but said he would stop at me. He wanted me ...
A. 8 October 2012: I was very promiscuous in my teens and then as a swinger with my ex husband. I have had over 100 partners myself both men and women... but I'm 52 and I had less than 10 when I married at age 21 (it was a very sexual open time no HIV OR AIDS and ... (read in full...)
How should I go about telling him how I feel without being pushy about it?
Q. This is a long distance situation.We have known each other for almost a year and we went on a date about a month ago. In the beginning when we met, I was vocal about wanting to talk to him on the phone and he said he'd call but it never happened. ...
A. 8 October 2012: some men hate talking on the phone.... it's just that simple
but you can tell him.. I need phone calls. I did that when I was dating my LDR husband... I NEEDED daily phone calls. he was not a texter so it wasn't like I was getting texts.. ... (read in full...)
We've went on dates I really like him but he told a woman on facebook he loved her after she said it to him!
Q. There's a guy I went on a few dates with and I like him very much. I feel like we are a good match and he does indeed seem into me, only thing is our distance is definitely a challenge. We are friends on Facebook and for some reason, ALL of his ...
A. 8 October 2012: the reason all his activity shows up on facebook is because you marked him as a close friend and you requested his updates... change that and you won't see them
if you don't know who she is and you are dating him... ASK HIM... "hey who is that gir... (read in full...)
Why has she gone cold all of a sudden?
Q. I have been seeing this girl on and off since August, she is 27, and in 34. We hit it off straight away and get along really well. We started off casual dating, going to the cinema, meals out, walks ect. We both work full time, and both have quite ...
A. 8 October 2012: i think she is concerned that she was always the one to contact you so she's backing off.
it' probably kills her to wait to hear from you...
if she always responds right away she probably watches the phone waiting for your texts. (which ... (read in full...)
How do I tell family I can't afford to go for the holidays when I am taking a vacation later?
Q. My brother keeps inviting me every year to their house for the upcoming holidays. They live in another state. Plane tickets are around $500.00 round trip. Checked greyhound buses which is a lot cheaper but I would have to stay a lot longer than I ...
A. 8 October 2012: You tell your brother just what you said "I would love to see you but funds are tight and I can't afford it"
end of conversation.
what you choose to do with YOUR money is your choice.
you choose to spend it on a vacation with your curre... (read in full...)
Why am I worried about my boyfriend going off with a younger woman all of a sudden?
Q. I'm 45 and he's 39 we've been together for three years I never have been insecure about my age before but recently I'm starting to have doubts about him with younger women, why?...
A. 8 October 2012: What has changed in the relationship recently?
something had to have changed to have caused you to start having doubts..
something you did?
something he did?
something he said?
something some stupid person outside of your relatioshi... (read in full...)
I am a nice person so why is my company not preferred?
Q. I'm living in a house for college with a woman and her daughter. there is two more students here a boy and a girl but i feel that the daughter prefers the other female student's company than mine. I'm easy to talk to and genuinly nice and not a ...
A. 8 October 2012: Ok I'm also not sure what's going on... you said:
" i feel that the daughter prefers the other female student's company than mine."
and this is a problem? why is this a problem? does the daughter need to like you best for a reason?
t... (read in full...)
I was given an ultimatum by 2 men. Which do I choose?
Q. I am in love with two men at the same time. Yes, it IS possible. I have been putting myself under great stress because I've been unable to choose which one I ought to stay with and whom I should let go. I am very compatible with one man and we h...
A. 8 October 2012: Do not be with someone because you feel sorry for them.
IF you can't decide then you decide NEITHER...
because the truth is that when the right one comes along it's a no brainer... in other words you will know... you won't have to ask..
the ... (read in full...)
Should I move in with him when he's been on dating sites plus I'd be living in his ex wife's home?
Q. Hi looking for advice here so it may help me make my mind up before I take the plunge...My partner of over two years has asked me to move in with him.Everything is fine apart from two things is one that I would be moving into the house where him and ...
A. 8 October 2012: let me address the spam first.
If you are talking about mail from the site itself like "we found matches for you" or other stuff to try to get him to come to the site, then he never asked them to stop sending the mail and they will continu... (read in full...)
If I'm attracted to cross dressers does this mean I am gay?
Q. I find myself tempted by 'shemales' i dont find men attacrtive but crossdressers and shemale i fantasize about, could this mean im gay? i mean what i'm after if a woman with a penis, surely that means i like penis? i'm scared because i dont want to ...
A. 8 October 2012: nope it does not mean you are gay...
btw you may not WANT to be gay but it may be what you are...
but MOST cross dressers are heterosexual men..
do you find women attractive sexually?... (read in full...)
Does lack of sex has something to do with me being so strong?
Q. I haven't been sexually active in ten years I am still a young woman. I was wondering if not having sex could that be the reason I feel like superwoman? I have so much strength I can lift heavy things that most women would need help with. To...
A. 8 October 2012: I seriously doubt that your abstaining from sexual relations is the reason behind your strength.
Before my back was bad I was able to lift any heavy things and was bench pressing a decent amount of weight.
a box with ten reams of paper was NOT... (read in full...)
I don't like her past and think she lies to spare my feelings
Q. help me, am a guy and am having a really hard time with my gf past she recently confessed she has been with 20 man from the time she was 20 to 26 and its really bothering me i feel so desperate and bothered by the fact has given herself to all these ...
A. 8 October 2012: Here is my take on it as an openly sexual woman...
1. she was honest with you about her past that means to me that she has nothing to hide
2. she did not need to be graphic but she was (I used to do that when I was younger before i knew it... (read in full...)
My LDR has just told me he has met someone new and intends to marry her. Why am I so emotional over this change?
Q. My long distance boy friend has confirmed to me today that he has a new woman in his life and he may marry her. Why am I so sad and crying? Please help me. I am an adult and should know better than getting emotional. he wants me to write to h...
A. 4 October 2012: why wouldn't you be emotional..
your supposed boyfriend just told you that
a. he's not been faithful and was seeing you and someone else at the same time and didn't tell you
b. he CONFIRMED this so does this mean you had a suspicion and... (read in full...)
My parents seemed cold towards meeting my black girlfriend, then later mom called and said she wanted bi-racial babies. What do I say?
Q. I'm a senior in college and over the summer I brought my gf home to meet my folks. We had been dating for a year and wanted to wait before meeting each other's families. So the first half of the holiday we went to her parents' in another state---it ...
A. 4 October 2012: while your parents reacted badly, I think that the biggest problem was you did not "warn them in advance" that your gf was of a different race. I think that the first visit would have gone better had you done that. I know you don't see the ... (read in full...)
Should we wait until we have sex for the first time to try anything or should we find out our likes/dislikes now?
Q. I'm 17 and have been with my boyfriend for 2 years. Our school did a sex ed talk with our form yesterday and we answered loads of questions and talked about stuff as a class. I found it really interesting. I discovered lots of things about my ...
A. 4 October 2012: are you doing this right? if you both felt comfortable then YES you are doing it right.
BTW what would your BF do if you wanted an abortion?
are you on birth control yet? you should be especially if you are getting sexual now and p... (read in full...)
I am so in love with her. But my friend's actions with her, prior to us being a couple, make me feel bad. How do I learn from this? Stay? Or breakup?
Q. I'm in my first relationship with a girl i am madly in love with and have been dating her for nearly a year. she was the first and only person i've kissed or done anything with physically and are relationship is really really good and we have been...
A. 4 October 2012: to the male annonymous poster who made the blanket statement:
"BTW So_very_Confused: When a woman chooses one guy from a group of guys to sexually mess around with first, he was her first choice. People do not meet a group of potential partners... (read in full...)
How can I change my boyfriend's mind about my dogs and convince him they aren't vicious? He wants me to get rid of them!
Q. Help me please! My boyfriend wants me to get rid of my dogs! My dad is a police dog trainer, and ever since i was a kid i've been used to having big dogs. I live on my own and i have two grown rottweilers and just adopted a pitbull puppy. I have ...
A. 4 October 2012: I love newfoundlands so I get your big dog thing. Rotties are darling and my half pit bull was the goofiest thing ever.
big dogs get a bad rap...
you can't change his feelings about your pups I'm afraid.
my fiance is terrified of dogs... ... (read in full...)
We broke up and I said things I didn't mean but why did he treat me the way that he did?
Q. Hello, I have broken up with my boyfriend for just over 2 months now. He was 47 and lived with his mother and the relationship was on and off for about 8 months. All together we got back together 4 times, but on this occassion he does not want to ...
A. 3 October 2012: You were together for 8 months and broke up and got back together 4 times? That’s not a very stable relationship.
Why would you ask him why you are with a guy who is not a nice person that your friends don’t like? That’s childish passive ... (read in full...)
I stripped down to my boxers on a webcam. Now I'm afraid I'm on a porn site!
Q. Hello, Please help me, I can't get this out of my mind. I guess I did something very stupid. About a year ago I went to a chatbox and chatted with a girl. We continued on msn-messenger and then she asked me if I wanted to use the webcam. I agreed...
A. 3 October 2012: I think you are making a mountain out of a molehill
haven't you seen the ads for underwear... men in tight boxer briefs...
it's over a year ago... it's not anywhere yet.
I think you can relax.... (read in full...)
We are supposed to be moving in together soon but I'm worried that I may be setting myself up for a big fall!
Q. Hey All Ive been with my partner for 4 years now, its been a LDR and tough because neither of us were willing to give up good jobs in todays jobs market. I finally managed to get a contract change (different hours), allowing us both to move...
A. 3 October 2012: sounds to me like she got cold feet and then realized it was a mistake...
have you asked her why she panicked like she did?... (read in full...)
How do I tell this man that is bi-polar that I don't want a relationship with him?
Q. The guy I am seeing has bi-polar stage 6 and has Schizophrenia. He claims he is in a mexican gang as well, but he is as white as can be. He calls me his wife and is trying to get me pg. how do I tell him that I don't want a relationship with him? ...
A. 3 October 2012: well considering that I was taught that schizophrenia cannot co-exist with any other mental illness... I'm going to just comment on the other things...
do you live with him?
why can't you just block him and not see him?... (read in full...)
Guys, if you're not interested in a girl, would you still talk to her every day online for long hours?
Q. Hey,guys,if you're not interested in a girl on a romantic level,would you take the initiative to talk to her EVERY DAY for long hours(6-7 hours) on facebook chat or msn or even hang out with her one-on-one? If you're not interested in her,would you ...
A. 3 October 2012: how do you know he's single?
do you see him in real life?... (read in full...)
My husband contributes and so does my Mom. Is my boyfriend contributing enough to live most of the time in my home?
Q. I've been separated from my husband for over 2 years. I have a boyfriend and we have been dating for 2 years. I live in a house with my three sons and my Mother. My ex husband presently pays $3500 per month for the mortgage and taxes He also gi...
A. 3 October 2012: I think the person who has it made is you...
when i split with my first husband I got a bit of alimony as I was a stay at home mom when married. He paid it until I found a job (and I HAVE a DISABLED CHILD too)...
I also got a decent am... (read in full...)
How do I deal with this? My Bf is constantly implying how much better things would be when we go all the way
Q. hello everybody. i'm in a great relationship for about eight months now - thing is, i'm a virgin, and my boyfriend, who is older and more experienced is not exactly sensitive about it. i mean, he doesn't do anything i'm uncomfortable with, but he's...
A. 3 October 2012: You do know that it’s NOT a great relationship if he’s pressuring you to have sex….
You ask for accommodations from him (change the speed, the tempo, the direction or the position) and all he can think about is himself… tell me again how great th... (read in full...)
What is right? My wife is saying she has no problem if one of our unmarried daughters chooses to have sex in our home with a Bf. The thought bothers me.
Q. I have kids. In particular, I have daughters. And in particular I have a daughter who is 19. She took a year off after high school and travelled the world. Now she's back home and is trying her hand at university. OK, so she's "of age", so if ...
A. 3 October 2012: Well when I lived at my parents home after age 18 I still could not have my boyfriend sleep in my bed with permission. My mothers comment was priceless:
“I’m going to bed now, I don’t care what goes on when I’m asleep but when I wake up everybod... (read in full...)
Is it because she has already done it all? She's been wild sexually in the past with others. Now she is happy with if fortnightly.
Q. I have a question and I was hoping I could get some insight from the females on here. I will try to keep it short, but I feel I have to give a little background so you guys know the full story. Both my girlfriend and I are pretty close to getting...
A. 3 October 2012: well I didn't come into my own sexually till I was 35.
I was a lot like your GF pretty free and easy in the 70s....as a teen...
now in my 50s I want it more than my partner..
but my partner wants kisses and cuddles and affection daily so t... (read in full...)
Is a 6-7 year age gap really that big of a deal in dating?
Q. I've recently started dating this girl. She's really nice, I get along with her really well. But there's a slight age difference. I'm 22 (23 soon), she's recently turned 30. I've only told a few of my friends about her (we've only been on a ...
A. 3 October 2012: Well when my fiancé was 22 I was 35. Of course what he wanted at 22 was not what he wants now at 39… so we never would have worked out then..
Now I am 52 and I LOOK every inch of 52 and my fiance is 39 and looks about 25....
With respect ... (read in full...)
I am so in love with her. But my friend's actions with her, prior to us being a couple, make me feel bad. How do I learn from this? Stay? Or breakup?
Q. I'm in my first relationship with a girl i am madly in love with and have been dating her for nearly a year. she was the first and only person i've kissed or done anything with physically and are relationship is really really good and we have been...
A. 3 October 2012: Ok so if you understand her actions, don’t think she did anything wrong, and don’t blame them… then I’m not sure how to help you work this through because I’m not sure truly what the issue is. (I’m being dense sorry)
You said you heard her get ... (read in full...)
This guy calls me a lesbian. He says he does it for a joke. What should I do?
Q. I have this friend who likes to joke around and call me a lesbian. I have asked a numbers of times not to call me a lesbian and he keeps saying, "oh lighten up i am only Joking". I have told him please stop it. he always says "I am Joking". Ye...
A. 3 October 2012: You do realize this guy is NOT a friend. A FRIEND would respect your wishes.
To be honest you sound about 16. Just cut the jerk off. Block him on facebook and don’t take his calls or texts.
... (read in full...)
Is he using me? We never date, just have sex in the woods!
Q. Iv been seeing this guy for 2 months now and we meet up once a week, he seems nice but he never takes me out on a proper date. We only meet up for sex or heavy petting. He doesn't book a room up, we do it in the woods, Im feeling a bit used. He does ...
A. 3 October 2012: you have to ASK
you only meet and have sex IN THE WOODS???
OF course he's using you for sex
see what happens when you suddenly get a very heavy period that lasts for 6 weeks and can't have sex... or give blow jobs...
... (read in full...)
My younger girlfriend suddenly left me and I cant get over it. What do I do?
Q. She is 27 and I am 44. We met at work and were together 5 years through good and tough times. Just as it seems everything is finally settling down, as we can finally move on together,she dumps me saying its not working, a week before she moves into ...
A. 3 October 2012: There is nothing there. 5 years is a long time, the fact that she never let you meet family or friends is concerning… perhaps she was never as into you as you are into her.
“it’s been 8 months now and I’m still not over it” well that’s b... (read in full...)
Is it over with this guy? He has lots of reasons he says he is busy. Is this his way of ending the relationship?
Q. Hello, i met this guy about 4 months ago. everything was going well. Until his mom died. After that he is in charge of all the affairs related, at the same time he is going to be retired soon and he is an executive and has a lot to do at work, and...
A. 3 October 2012: you have no relationship with this guy
IF he contacts you, it might be for sex...
A man that is into a woman and wants to be with her is NEVER too busy... this I have learned...
... (read in full...)
My B/f and I decided to take a break but I'm having a hard time dealing with it
Q. Hi guys , so my boyfriend and I have a really good relationship. But the thing is lately we've been busy and weve had alot of our own problems to deal with. We decided to take a break cause it didn't seem the right time to be in a relationship, I ...
A. 3 October 2012: either you are a couple or you are not.
you will have to learn that life gets busy. relationships cannot be put on hold because life is busy.. they take a back seat to things (like children, weddings, house renovations, job hunting and in your ... (read in full...)
I am so in love with her. But my friend's actions with her, prior to us being a couple, make me feel bad. How do I learn from this? Stay? Or breakup?
Q. I'm in my first relationship with a girl i am madly in love with and have been dating her for nearly a year. she was the first and only person i've kissed or done anything with physically and are relationship is really really good and we have been...
A. 3 October 2012: why does what SHE did with someone else BEFORE she was your GF make YOU feel emasculated?
personally if it bothers you that much I think you should consider either getting therapy to work it through and fix it as it's a problem on your end
... (read in full...)
He's really cute, BUT : 'does he like me?'
Q. I was at a party (we are in our twenties) for our students on the Dean's List. Anyway there was a really cute guy there and we talked on and off through the party and at one point I looked at him across the room and and we made eye contact (this ...
A. 3 October 2012: sounds like he does... (read in full...)
How can this be resolved? I have a feeling that my Bf does not want to tell his family that he has a daughter almost 3 years old.
Q. Hi, I'm 18, and I have a daughter who turns 3 in December Basically, I fell pregnant and I didn't find out until i was 14 weeks pregnant, I'm still with the childs father but here's the tricky part, 2 weeks before I found out I was pregnant, my...
A. 3 October 2012: He has to tell them. It does not sound to me like you two have a shot at making this work permanently and his PARENTS have a right to know about their GRANDCHILD. THEY have missed the FIRST THREE YEARS OF their GRANDCHILD'S LIFE.
As a potentia... (read in full...)
What to do? My ex has a girlfriend yet he keeps texting me saying 'I miss having sex with you',
Q. So I broke up with my ex nearly 6 months ago after a rocky 3 and a half years! We had been through a lot but it was constand arguing and sex, sometimes I was happy, but then our sex life turned really rubbish, and it was him basically saying '...
A. 3 October 2012: how about you BLOCK his number and block his email and block him on all social media and just move on with your life....
... (read in full...)
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