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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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What can I do to remember important things?
Q. I am nineteen. I always forget important things from my family, friends, college and I hurt some people by forgetting about something I said I would do for them or similar. I am not trying to forget things or ignore people; it just happens but then ...
A. 28 September 2012: I use a program called Cozi... at cozi.com it's free online for the version with ads.... i have my appointments and to do lists and shopping lists etc... it has a journal area that I use for notes...
every sunday we get an email for the househol... (read in full...)
I think I've found the one. What should I do next?
Q. I think i have finally found my soulmate. I do a class at my gym, been doing it for about a year now. Our instructor arranged a fitness holiday in july to Turkey. On the holiday i got really friendly with girl from our class and we really hit it o...
A. 27 September 2012: well I suck at this but, I'll tell you what I would do...
you like her A LOT
she likes you A LOT
you both have clearly talked about being afraid to get hurt again.... (a good thing)
do NOT label it.... heck my father is with his partn... (read in full...)
Do these kind of men ever change???
Q. for about 6 months now, this married man and i have been fooled around. i have developed a lot of feeling for him. he lives away from me, so i only get to see him once or twice a month. recently ive learned that there are several other women hes ...
A. 27 September 2012: he's married
he's cheating on his wife and lying to her
he's lying to you
he's probably lying to those other women too.
do they change... I doubt it... he sounds like a user and a player... and I feel really sorry for his wife.
my advice... (read in full...)
Things have gone downhill with my boyfriend since I had a termination...
Q. Hey everyone I have been dating my boyfriend for 8 years now, our relationship is the best thing in my life. About 3 months ago I got pregnant but I wasn't ready to have a child cuz I'm working and so is my boyfriend and I just wasn't ready to ...
A. 27 September 2012: He lost a child too. are you being sympathetic to his pain and loss? Are you supporting him through this trauma like you expect him to support you?
You had every right to have an abortion.... I agree that every woman should be able to choose..... (read in full...)
Best friend's new boyfriend...
Q. I am 40, and have a best friend 32, who has just got a new boyfriend who is 20. This is quite a long story so bear with me. The relationship between me and my best friend is purely platonic, but a slight complication is that he has limited money so ...
A. 27 September 2012: My take... just let the friendship with your BF fade for the duration of the romance with the new shiny toy (the young bf)
If your BF is like you he will tire of the drama sooner rather than later...... (read in full...)
Awkward situation: My best friend likes me but I don't feel the same, and I want to ask a different girl out who likes someone else! Help!
Q. "Dear Cupid," I am 15 and I have an awkwad stiuation. One of my freinds likes me, and I don't like her back. She told me she likes me, but she is too good of a freind of mine for me to go out with her. What she doesn't understand is that I'm not ...
A. 27 September 2012: To be honest the girl with the crush on you will be hurt... and there is NOTHING you can do about it. You just are not attracted to her that way and that's OK.
As for the girl you think you like... well if she does not feel about you the way ... (read in full...)
Is it odd that I can only contact my BF via facebook?
Q. Is it strange that the only way i can contact/speak to my boyfriend in the evenings is via facebook? We've been together for 4 years. I dont think he is cheating but i dont understand it. When he gets home from work, he puts his phone away and d...
A. 27 September 2012: How far away are you OP? Sounds to me like he might be a bit lazy in the relationship and coasting…
Ya know if he finds his time and contact with you NOT relaxing (as implied by his reason for not wanting to talk to you when he’s home) then I’m ... (read in full...)
Why does he get an iPad? It's not fair!
Q. Today I came home from school and found my little brother with a brand-new iPad. I am so freakin jealous of him! My parents said its only "because he needs a certain app for social skills." (he has aspergers so he needs help) I still don't ...
A. 27 September 2012: well now that we know that your brother teased you... you had every right to rant.
glad you did it here....
did it help?
... (read in full...)
My daughter is dating a man who could be her dad
Q. My 34 year old daughter is getting a divorce from her husband that is 34 also. She is now dating a man that is 57 years old. Does anyone have any advice? He is almost as old as her dad...
A. 27 September 2012: My advice... as a mom, as a divorce woman with an overly involved mother and as an older partner in an age gap relationship... is to mind your own business.
my partner is 39.
I am 52.
my older son is closer in age to my fiance than I am.
... (read in full...)
Why does he get an iPad? It's not fair!
Q. Today I came home from school and found my little brother with a brand-new iPad. I am so freakin jealous of him! My parents said its only "because he needs a certain app for social skills." (he has aspergers so he needs help) I still don't ...
A. 26 September 2012: oh and I asked my non-disabled child how he felt growing up with a disabled brother... as soon as he replies I will post it here.... he's the younger brother but by age 10 he was feeling like he had to be responsible for his brother.
do you not ... (read in full...)
I no longer feel that I can trust my LDR boyfriend. Should I break up with him?
Q. Hi everyone! I am on a long distance relationship for 3 years, I really love this guy to the point we were getting engaged and such. He hid from me the fact he went with a female friend to a concert, even after I confronted him. He delet...
A. 26 September 2012: I think you should break up too.
you clearly don't trust him
you think he will lie to you so even if he tells the truth you won't believe him will you?
so you have been LDR for three years
have you always been LDR
did you meet online? ... (read in full...)
Do you think he is cheating?
Q. First, my husband works on the pipeline, so he is gone for 3 weeks and then home for 3 weeks. This time, he worked for 8 weeks so he's been gone since july. We talk on the phone every night so I thought everything was fine, he was just working 16 hr ...
A. 26 September 2012: something is wrong somewhere...
see an attorney to protect yourself and the kids....
he's setting it up that he's going to leave...you need to be prepared to protect yourself and the kids.... (read in full...)
Why does he get an iPad? It's not fair!
Q. Today I came home from school and found my little brother with a brand-new iPad. I am so freakin jealous of him! My parents said its only "because he needs a certain app for social skills." (he has aspergers so he needs help) I still don't ...
A. 26 September 2012: As a parent of two sons close in age one with special needs one without, I feel your pain.
You are behaving like a brat to be honest.
Parents pretend to love each kid the same. WE don't.
WE can't be fair.... fair is for even steven...and li... (read in full...)
Is it odd that I can only contact my BF via facebook?
Q. Is it strange that the only way i can contact/speak to my boyfriend in the evenings is via facebook? We've been together for 4 years. I dont think he is cheating but i dont understand it. When he gets home from work, he puts his phone away and d...
A. 26 September 2012: I'd be way more concerned than you are.
After 4 years together you should have the ability to have constant contact in my book (of course if I was with anyone longer than 2 years I've married them)...
I think he's hiding something... (oh so ... (read in full...)
Am I being set up?
Q. Just need to know that i'm not being set up by an amature. He lives at home and is 5yrs older than i am and to adding to the scenario he has never been w/anyone. first time out I had called him. things moved too fast and already L word was in the ...
A. 26 September 2012: You are 41-50 so he is 46-55 and he lives at home? That alone would have my antenna up?
I don’t know what you mean by first time, second time third time… are these dates close together or are they times you were together then broke up then got ... (read in full...)
Sweet comment from this cutie! What did it mean, though?
Q. I have a general inquiry about something this cutie told me. She's in her Mid-40's, slim, and is very cute. At any rate, yesterday, she told me that she enjoys having discussions with me about her stewardess job. I wonder if she’s slipped a...
A. 26 September 2012: gawd I'm not sure at 40 something she wants to be called cute...
would you ask the same question if she was mid 20s?
is she married?
maybe she just likes talking to you?... (read in full...)
Should I get mad at my husband if he doesn't loan my parents money?
Q. My husband and i have a savings account but he puts in the money but its for our future home, my parents need to barrow money and will give it back in 3 months and i know we have the amount they are looking for, my dad asked my husband and my ...
A. 26 September 2012: The rule: never lend money you can't afford to give away
the truth MOST of the time you won't see it back.
the way it worked in my family: My father has lent me money. I paid him back with interest. we had a written agreement... the i... (read in full...)
Why is he ignoring my requests to return my things?
Q. Hi there. I had been dating a man for just over a year. We had spoken of getting married ETC. He suffers from depression therefore it was not uncommon for him to be distant sometimes. A few months ago he told me that he would like to leave things ...
A. 26 September 2012: My fiance refused to return things to his ex (many years ago)
when I asked him why "did you LIKE the butter dish?" his response: "no not really, and it's not worth anything but SHE wanted it and I didn't want her to have it"
she left him ... (read in full...)
Asked out a guy but had no answer, and now my ex wants to get back together with me. What should I do?
Q. OK, so I asked out one guy. Lets call him Harry. Its been two weeks. I have no answer. But I still really like him. Then there's another guy. Lets call him Louis. Louis is my best friend's little brother. (Aimee is two years older than me, ...
A. 26 September 2012: you asked harry out... harry has said no by not replying...
age means nothing much... so do not base your choice on age...
if you are not sure about louis.. then say thanks but no thanks we tried it once and I dont' want to risk it again... ... (read in full...)
How to figure out men in their late 50's?
Q. I've been seeing someone in his late 50's and I have no idea what sort of mind games he is playing. Sometimes when I tell him I miss him, he would reply my text with a smile icon. Sometimes even though he read my "I miss you" text, he wouldn't reply ...
A. 26 September 2012: BTW... just because he's in his late 50s does not make him mature or adult.
nor will his behavior change much from when he was in his late 20s.... personalities are pretty much set in stone...
the only thing age does is make us less tolerant an... (read in full...)
How to figure out men in their late 50's?
Q. I've been seeing someone in his late 50's and I have no idea what sort of mind games he is playing. Sometimes when I tell him I miss him, he would reply my text with a smile icon. Sometimes even though he read my "I miss you" text, he wouldn't reply ...
A. 26 September 2012: Texting is no way to have a relationship.
Texting is for "i'm running late be there in 15" or "here's the address see you at 4" kind of stuff....
you are 25 and he is near 60 huh?
what are you expecting out of this relationship?
is... (read in full...)
How do I tell my family that I'm a lesbian?
Q. I'm a 17, going on 18, year old female... I come from a pretty tight knit family. I am currently living with my oldest sister in North Texas. Me and my sister both are from southern Texas. I've had a total of 2 boyfriends in my life, never really ...
A. 26 September 2012: My brother is gay. we are much older than you so it was odd in the 70s to be coming out...
he knew when he was around 13 and told me then..
he told mom when he was 16
dad was told later on and it took him some time but now he loves my brot... (read in full...)
Why does my ex still keep letters and pictures of me, when he was the one that broke up with me?
Q. Well my ex and i were together for 7 months and i recently found out he still has a spot where he stores all of the letters and childhood pictures of me. i found out because his mom only knows im currently dating right now but why does he still have ...
A. 26 September 2012: Sweetie,
I'm 52 years old.
my first boyfriend was when I was 15 1/2 (till nearly 18 so a long time)... I still have pictures of him and me together.. and his sisters and family...from when we were teens...
it's part of my history and brings... (read in full...)
My married lover has moved on to another girl and I am so hurt, what should I do now?
Q. I have been cheated by my married Lover, he has moved on to a "new girl"(another victim).he has completely removed me from his life,We both are in the same office, spend 8 hrs together, sitting besides each other, but we dont speak at all. he cut ...
A. 26 September 2012: I think you might want to consider finding a new job... since you asked what you should do now to get over this pain that you caused yourself.
See here at DC cheaters and their enablers (you are an enabler as you allowed him to cheat on his... (read in full...)
Anal sex makes me feel like I'm being ripped in half!
Q. Hey everyone i have a question, my husband and i decided that we want to try anal, we use a lott of lub and go nice and slow but i cant stand the pain it just makes me want to scream. It feels like im being ripped in half, hes being patient with me ...
A. 26 September 2012: pain is our bodies way of saying NO...
if it hurts don't do it.
if he insists...don't do him...
any man that insists on HURTING the woman he loves
a. is not a man
b. does not love you
... (read in full...)
I cant handle all this drama anymore, is this normal behaviour for a man?
Q. My boyfriend is interested in buying a second hand suit (not really a suit, but just for the story's sake we'll say it's a suit). I went to look at it with him. It seems nice. I have a seamstress whom I trust very much. I told my boyfriend that ...
A. 26 September 2012: This is not normal. he has no coping mechanisms. my fiance is much like that, but I can cope with it and we work daily alone and with a therapist to work on his coping techniques.
to be honest, a second hand suit... should not be that big of a... (read in full...)
We are excited about our future together, but I cant help feeling miserable because it wont be happening any time soon!
Q. I am in a great relationship with my boyfriend. We both have the same kind of aspirations and have talked about moving in together/getting married/having children and so on. Thing is, these similar aspirations make me impatient because we're no...
A. 26 September 2012: at 26-29 with the issue being funding...are you sure that your upset is not about him "blowing you off" with an excuse.
at 26 I had my second child already...
funding for living together being short at your age sounds like an excuse to me... (read in full...)
The love has faded in my current relationship, and there is a new guy who I am falling for....what should I do?
Q. Hi, I am currently in a relationship of seven years. We live together and have dogs. A few months ago my boyfriend told me he didn't think he wanted to marry me (maybe anyone) and it really upset me at the time. However now I feel like maybe he...
A. 26 September 2012: so many of us need to know that there is someone else waiting in the wings in order for us to end a bad relationship.
the best thing to do for your own sake is to figure out what's going on with your current relationship and once that is done, th... (read in full...)
My long distance boyfriend changed his relationship status from 'in a relationship' to 'single'. Is he cheating?
Q. I'm in long distance relationship with my boyfriend. He is Australian and I'm Indian. We both are sixteen years old. We met on facebook 2 months ago and he asked me for relationship after 1 month. I love him alot. Everything was going perfect ...
A. 26 September 2012: What did he want you to propose? What a crock of poo that he changed his facebook status to get you to do something… even if it is true do you want to be with such a game player.
Everyone is right you are a teen and young and “in love’ and wo... (read in full...)
Really heavy menstrual bleeding. Is this normal for my age?
Q. I'm fourteen, and I've had my period since I was 11. It's been on and off which I know is normal, but it's recently settled down, and this month I've had a really long, heavy period. It started on the 11th and hasn't stopped since. It started off ...
A. 26 September 2012: I agree you must talk to your mom and have her take you to the doctor...
that much bleeding is not normal or healthy.... (read in full...)
Am I bound by this contract?
Q. I live and am employed in California. When we were hired, we signed a contract stating we must give a 1 months notice before quitting. I want to leave as soon as possible because I have a new job offer but I still have to stay an extra month. Do I ...
A. 25 September 2012: you are bound by the contract
and you do not want to burn bridges
give your 1 month notice and do your best at work while there.
are there sick days and vacation days you can get to help shorten the time you must be in the office?... (read in full...)
Am I wasting my time hoping he will change?
Q. I met this man almost five years ago. At the time I was 20 and in between relationships. We went on a couple dates and agreed to keep it "low key and simple". Then I met someone that I wanted a relationship with and cut it off with him. That r...
A. 25 September 2012: you must love someone where they are... if you are not happy with what you currently have, then you can't accept it.
to be honest I totally agree with CindyCares...
you can't wait for him to become what you need and want.
he's been h... (read in full...)
I have been told that guys won't bother to try to spend time with a girl as only a "friend".
Q. It's the age old question: Does he like me as more than a friend? Simply put: A coworker continues to invite me to lunch. He is from another country so he is hard to read. I feel like he is just trying to make friends, or he is being polite by ...
A. 25 September 2012: I invite male co-workers to lunch all the time and they me... no one is interested in dating the other...
and to be honest... dating folks you work with is not a great idea...... (read in full...)
My long distance boyfriend changed his relationship status from 'in a relationship' to 'single'. Is he cheating?
Q. I'm in long distance relationship with my boyfriend. He is Australian and I'm Indian. We both are sixteen years old. We met on facebook 2 months ago and he asked me for relationship after 1 month. I love him alot. Everything was going perfect ...
A. 25 September 2012: If Cindy is right, and he is the same boyfriend that wanted naked pics as proof of your love, and now that you refused to send them is putting his relationship status back to single then the writing is clearly ON THE WALL (pun for facebook ... (read in full...)
How do couples handle arguments, fights and disagreements?
Q. I am curious to know how couples handle it when they have an argument, fight, disagreement etc. Do you just go off seperately into another room to calm down afterwards? I ask because my bf and i had a argument. It was about something small ...
A. 24 September 2012: ya know getting away during a fight is one thing...
I have had to learn to walk away when my partner is upset.
BUT we never leave for more than an hour or so without checking in.
getting your things
leaving without a word
being incomm... (read in full...)
I'm terribly upset about the way my sister-in-law treated me 2 years ago and the fact that my husband did not stand up for me.
Q. 2 years ago my husband's mother died. At the funeral my husband's sister mostly ignored me, made me feel uncomfortable or made fun of me. I have had no dealings with her since. My husband did nothing to stop this going on. Since then a wedge has ...
A. 24 September 2012: I'm curious... what did the counselor suggest for you to work this through?
I agree with the other aunts. And your husband.
It's time for you to understand THEIR MOTHER had just died. You were at her funeral... her CHILDREN were upset.... (read in full...)
What should I do about this resentment that he won't try to lose the weight he has gained?
Q. In March, I started dating a guy I've known for 4-5 years. In may, I decided that I wanted to lose weight and since then, I've lost about 25 pounds, but here's the problem. My boyfriend was about 20 pounds overweight when we made it official, but ...
A. 23 September 2012: I would like my fiance to lose some of the weight he gained.
Happy Content taken men tend to gain weight...
Congrats to you for making the lifestyle changes necessary to lose weight...
If he's working 50-60 hours a week... when do you ... (read in full...)
He won't officially end it if that's what he wants? What to do? I feel stuck!
Q. Dear all, Please advise. My Bf of 18 months moved recently ( not too far away) and he has been seeing me less and less. We had an argument and he left for two weeks, then came back breifly and I had it out with him then when I called him the next ...
A. 23 September 2012: hang in there OP.... it will get easier..... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's mom has just died, would it be wrong of me to ask him to delete this girl from Facebook now?
Q. OK extension of a previous question or ongoing issue sorry so long, My BF broke up with me last Nov for 13 days started talking and befriending a new girl but they never made it on a date due to a death in her family, but he said he never really ...
A. 21 September 2012: happy birthday dear... hope you have the best day you can have.
what this post tells you is that you are not alone... us loving aunties will always be here for you.... (read in full...)
He acts one way around me with friends but his texts show a completely different side to him!
Q. I'm not sure if a guy in my class likes me or not. It's my third year in college but my second year with this class and all last year he was quite a nob head to be around and just mean to people but he was okay with me and a couple of my friends. ...
A. 21 September 2012: he's playing alright..
keeping you on a string teasing you along in case something with his new gf does not work out you will be the backup.
don't fall for it.... (read in full...)
Why did my married lover cut things off and say I wasn't part of his life?
Q. Am a married woman having an affair with a married man, we both decided not to upset our respective personal lives because of our affair. From the begining controlled everything in our relationship ( laid down the rules like no phone,text,contact ...
A. 21 September 2012: do you really thing that just because YOU and HE decided not to upset your respective personal lives that it works that way?
The reason for his "ill behavior" as you call it is because the man is a user and abuser.
HE did not care about you n... (read in full...)
He won't officially end it if that's what he wants? What to do? I feel stuck!
Q. Dear all, Please advise. My Bf of 18 months moved recently ( not too far away) and he has been seeing me less and less. We had an argument and he left for two weeks, then came back breifly and I had it out with him then when I called him the next ...
A. 21 September 2012: NO. NO NO NO NO NO!
Sorry that was my first response…. I’m calming down now… of course he wants to “be friends”
He doesn’t want to tell you what’s going on….
You asked if he’s seeing someone and he said NO…. do you believe him? Wh... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's mom has just died, would it be wrong of me to ask him to delete this girl from Facebook now?
Q. OK extension of a previous question or ongoing issue sorry so long, My BF broke up with me last Nov for 13 days started talking and befriending a new girl but they never made it on a date due to a death in her family, but he said he never really ...
A. 20 September 2012: DARN IT hitting the enter button again too fast.
I think you are AFRAID to ask because you KNOW the answer will be NO
Everyone is sorry when someone loses someone... even folks I have never actually MET on facebook (friends of friends ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's mom has just died, would it be wrong of me to ask him to delete this girl from Facebook now?
Q. OK extension of a previous question or ongoing issue sorry so long, My BF broke up with me last Nov for 13 days started talking and befriending a new girl but they never made it on a date due to a death in her family, but he said he never really ...
A. 20 September 2012: I fear you will find now that his mom is gone and your services as a caretaker are no longer needed, his interest in you is going to disappear...
why would he want to remove people he is friendly with from his facebook page. I don't. IF My ... (read in full...)
He won't officially end it if that's what he wants? What to do? I feel stuck!
Q. Dear all, Please advise. My Bf of 18 months moved recently ( not too far away) and he has been seeing me less and less. We had an argument and he left for two weeks, then came back breifly and I had it out with him then when I called him the next ...
A. 19 September 2012: GOOD girl.
stay strong it will pass in a few weeks.. the weekend will be hard... ... (read in full...)
He won't officially end it if that's what he wants? What to do? I feel stuck!
Q. Dear all, Please advise. My Bf of 18 months moved recently ( not too far away) and he has been seeing me less and less. We had an argument and he left for two weeks, then came back breifly and I had it out with him then when I called him the next ...
A. 19 September 2012: I vote for not only ignore but block... makes it much easier...
... (read in full...)
He won't officially end it if that's what he wants? What to do? I feel stuck!
Q. Dear all, Please advise. My Bf of 18 months moved recently ( not too far away) and he has been seeing me less and less. We had an argument and he left for two weeks, then came back breifly and I had it out with him then when I called him the next ...
A. 17 September 2012: Ah you have your closure.
mourn the loss of what might have been had he been a different person.... and then get on with life...
... (read in full...)
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