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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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In a FWB relationship should I be angry that he stood me up?
Q. I have been seeing a guy for quite a short time. It started out as a one night stand but we have been seeing each others again after that. It is clear it is nothing else than for sex, which is fine with me since I am recently single and not really ...
A. 26 December 2012: why in the world did you let him move in?
if it's just two weeks and then he moves abroad, tough it out and then make your goodbyes and let him go. he's using you sweetie.... (read in full...)
Squirting issues
Q. Ok, so my wife and I have a really healthy sexual relationship. We love trying new things. She has came to like squirting as much as me. We was watching some porn and a girl started cumming and white stuff was oozing out of her. We are trying to ...
A. 3 October 2012: SQUIRTING is not fake. even I have done it once...
SQUIRTING WHITE STUFF is fake.... (read in full...)
Old fashioned b/f is not attached to his phone and is unreachable a good portion of the time!
Q. Hello, I am in a relationship with a wonderful man and everything is in fact quite great between us. We have good communication and I have no doubt in his love for me. Sometimes, however, he is really unreachable. He is a full-time p...
A. 2 October 2012: OP thank you for the follow up. I am very glad you were able to talk to him and have some resolution to the issue.
I second Honeypie’s recommendation of the book the 5 Languages of love.. it helped me understand what my partner defines as love ... (read in full...)
Why is my married ex calling me on the phone?
Q. My ex, who is now married, is flirting with me on the phone. I'm a little baffled because he dumped me after many years of living together and then married very quickly. My question is: is he trying to get me back or does he just realize he's made a ...
A. 1 October 2012: asked: "I don't think flirting with an ex constitutes cheating. do you????"
I"m a huge flirt but I do think in this case if it's enough that she has to ask what he's up to and its on the phone and it's chronic or regular and it's not necessa... (read in full...)
Should I send the evidence of his cheating to his wife? I wasted a year of my life with him and want revenge....
Q. I met a guy on a dating site who told me he was seperated, he told me he loved me after 2 weeks, he then told me he was still with the wife and begged me not to finsh it with him, he left her the week after, we had been seeing each other for over a ...
A. 1 October 2012: Sadly for you no matter how you justify it, it's NOT YOUR PLACE to tell her.
sorry. I still vote no.... (read in full...)
Have you ever experienced such a terrible loss? If so, how did you survive?
Q. Hi! I lost my beloved mom 1.5 years ago and I still miss her like crazy. I have an estranged father and a loving fiancé with a loving family. I've been through therapy for a while and found it very helpful, the shrink herself said I was good to go ...
A. 1 October 2012: Ah but you do have remorse that you never really got to say goodbye ON YOUR TERMS so you’re ANGRY with your mom for not telling you the truth and giving you time to process it. And guess what, it’s OK to be angry with her for not treating you like ... (read in full...)
Why is my married ex calling me on the phone?
Q. My ex, who is now married, is flirting with me on the phone. I'm a little baffled because he dumped me after many years of living together and then married very quickly. My question is: is he trying to get me back or does he just realize he's made a ...
A. 1 October 2012: it does not matter why he is doing it...
the question is WHY are YOU allowing it?
he's your EX and he's MARRIED
who cares if he thinks he made a mistake and wants you back
who cares why he is doing it... will it make a difference to y... (read in full...)
Does my ex still love me? Is my best friend right?
Q. okay so my ex and i have been broken up 6 months. oct 7 would have made it 2 years. we have a daughter he got married to a girl after being together a month and as from what i hear they have alot of problems, anyway when me and him were dating when ...
A. 1 October 2012: he's married. it does not matter if he's in love with you he's MARRIED
I keep my wedding stuff from my first marriage in 1981 for my kids but i have no feelings for my ex.
is he paying child support for your daughter to you? if not he needs ... (read in full...)
Is a 13 year gap for dating really such a big deal.
Q. I've recently started casually dating a guy who is 13 years older than me, I'm 24. We're having lots of fun, i enjoy his company and its not serious. I get annoyed when we go out because people stare and comment, with one girl actually saying it ...
A. 1 October 2012: I hope it's not a big deal I'm getting married saturday and my fella is 13 years younger than me.
I do know that when he was 24 and I was 37 it would not have worked as he was not mature enough yet...
now at 39 and 52 we are fine.
but... (read in full...)
An overprotective mother, how can I get her to be reasonable?
Q. Hello. My question deals with an overprotective mother. I am 22, going on 23 in 3 months. I never dated in high school because of how she over reacts about boys. It was just easier to not date then to constantly argue with her. So yesterday, I ...
A. 1 October 2012: your mom vented to your sister.
your sister choose to share it with you
nothing needs to be said unless your mother comes right out to your face and says it to you at which time you can say
"mom I appreciate your concern but I'm 23 and ... (read in full...)
how can I make him talk/express his feelings, how can I stop him running away from me?
Q. My parner is a timid,fearful,coward kind of a person. He is a nice guy have feelings for me, bt never express them, never want to accept that he is emotioanlly connected to me! when ever there's problme between us, he just runs away... No reasons, ...
A. 1 October 2012: you can't make him talk
you can't change him
he wants to end the relationship according to you and you can't fix that.
I'd do his dirty work, end the relationship and go no contact...... (read in full...)
What advice can you give for dating a younger man in university?
Q. I'm a 22 year old senior and I like a 20 year old sophomore. I know age is just a number and whether or not the relationship will work depends on the two people. But does anyone have advice for dating a younger guy? Any insights or tips? Thanks! ...
A. 1 October 2012: same advice i'd give for dating a guy your age or two years older.
be relaxed
be yourself
have fun
2 years is nothing.... (read in full...)
Old fashioned b/f is not attached to his phone and is unreachable a good portion of the time!
Q. Hello, I am in a relationship with a wonderful man and everything is in fact quite great between us. We have good communication and I have no doubt in his love for me. Sometimes, however, he is really unreachable. He is a full-time p...
A. 1 October 2012: I too remember the days of no internet, no cell phone and no email. House phones only or snail mail and folks survived and flourished and thrived and made families and babies and marriages…. So that alone is not a bad mark but Cindy as usual ... (read in full...)
Pimples by my vagina?
Q. is it normal to have pimples by my vagina? i have shaved ever since high school so i know it's not those kinds of bumps. do i pop them? seems painful...
A. 1 October 2012: I would not pop them.
are you sexually active?
if you shave it might be ingrown hairs...
... (read in full...)
My professor almost slipped and called me cute?
Q. My professor called me, well almost let it slip out, that he thinks I'm cute? He was saying some positive things about me and the word cute almost slipped out. I have a crush on him but I'd never do anything with him, My mom says our prior behaviors ...
A. 1 October 2012: i think it's very unprofessional for a person in a position of authority to exert any influence like this over an underling.
In addition, you are young enough that you will possibly read into any actions inappropriately.
thirdly, just... (read in full...)
Straight guy having fantasies about giving oral sex to a man
Q. I'm a straight guy and have ways been in relationship with girls. I am currently in a long term relationship. But lately I been have fantasies about giving oral sex to men. I'm not attracted to men and I'm not turned on by men. But the idea of ...
A. 1 October 2012: As your gf to get a lifelike strap on and you can have your fantasy without cheating on her...
besides it's better to keep such a thing a fantasy... (read in full...)
Have you ever experienced such a terrible loss? If so, how did you survive?
Q. Hi! I lost my beloved mom 1.5 years ago and I still miss her like crazy. I have an estranged father and a loving fiancé with a loving family. I've been through therapy for a while and found it very helpful, the shrink herself said I was good to go ...
A. 1 October 2012: My mom died when I was 35. She had cancer. I was with her for the last few weeks 24/7 and cared for her. She begged me to end her life…. Over and over… sometimes for hours on end. it was very traumatic. She was being very selfish then and I had ... (read in full...)
We broke up, but now she wants me back. Do I stand up to her? Usually she gets her own way.
Q. Hello Everybody! Okay, I have a situation. I finished with my girlfriend a couple of weeks ago because she was cheating. Please see my previous questions. (Had really good advice as well. Thank you to all!) Anyway she got in touch the ot...
A. 1 October 2012: how about a third option... call her and cancel and tell her that you no longer wish her to contact you... then do it.
... (read in full...)
A man 40 years younger than me wants to marry me?
Q. I'm a 62 yr old black female who has a 23 year old black military male who wants to get married. I'm very fit and attractive. We are very compatible, get along great. What should I do?...
A. 1 October 2012: and I want to add this:
while I support age gap relationships totally a gap of 40 years is huge... it's two generations... you are not only old enough to be his mom but his grandmother...
and I have a very odd feeling about why such a yo... (read in full...)
If a man in a relationship had a choice of sex or a blow job, then why does he so often prefer the latter?
Q. I'm trying to better understand men. Psychologically, what makes them more in the mood for a blow job over sex in the context of a relationship?...
A. 1 October 2012: it's easier for them to lay back and get a blow job than put forth the effort for intercourse...
it feels different.
and for us at least it's total submission to me... after all it's his most valuable possession being put near my TEETH... it... (read in full...)
Ladies: Do you wear stockings underneath your clothing?
Q. Just a quick question to all those ladies out there. Does anyone actually ever wear stockings underneath their clothes (like on t.v and in movies) or do people just wear leggings? The reason I ask is because if true then... ;-). But anyone I've ever ...
A. 1 October 2012: stockings: two pieces one for each leg held up by garter belts or girdles or maybe sticky stuff on the thighs. used only for spectacular sexy dress up or role play in our house...
pantyhose... thin nylon stockings with a panty attached worn wit... (read in full...)
Is it okay to have sex with my cousin's husband's younger brother?
Q. I had sex with my cousins husband's younger brother. We are the same age(19) but now he says he wants to do it again. I'm kind of nervous about having sex again, yes we did it once but the fact that he is family now is getting to me. Is it wrong...
A. 1 October 2012: if you like him and are single
and he likes you and are single
I see no problem with it...
... (read in full...)
A man 40 years younger than me wants to marry me?
Q. I'm a 62 yr old black female who has a 23 year old black military male who wants to get married. I'm very fit and attractive. We are very compatible, get along great. What should I do?...
A. 1 October 2012: How long have you known him in real life?
How did you meet?
How does he feel about not having children?
If you guys love each other the hell with what the rest of the world thinks.
How will he cope with being a young widower?
... (read in full...)
Should I send the evidence of his cheating to his wife? I wasted a year of my life with him and want revenge....
Q. I met a guy on a dating site who told me he was seperated, he told me he loved me after 2 weeks, he then told me he was still with the wife and begged me not to finsh it with him, he left her the week after, we had been seeing each other for over a ...
A. 1 October 2012: Revenge is not going to heal your heart.
Revenge may or may not punish him...
she may know and look the other way
it may just make her sadder that she's already being a doormat to this idiot.
IF your goal is to let her know you have to c... (read in full...)
Ladies: Do you wear stockings underneath your clothing?
Q. Just a quick question to all those ladies out there. Does anyone actually ever wear stockings underneath their clothes (like on t.v and in movies) or do people just wear leggings? The reason I ask is because if true then... ;-). But anyone I've ever ...
A. 30 September 2012: panty hose with skirts and dresses in the winter
trouser socks with slacks
socks with jeans
stockings... with a garter belt etc... for the bedroom only.... (read in full...)
I can't believe anything my husband says anymore. I just want the truth!
Q. My husband has problems telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. We've been married 21 years and the amount of lies he's told is astounding. Sometimes it's about stupid things like if his dog used the bathroom in the house, ...
A. 30 September 2012: he sounds like my ex husband... man is incapable of telling the truth about anything.... you won't be able to get him to come clean, he's told the lies so often they are the truth to him now...
I can tell you from experience that you will never tr... (read in full...)
I'm confused about becoming aroused from dirty talk on a teen site
Q. Hey everyone. I recently was on a teen chat room and a guy private messages me. He started talking dirty and at first I laughed but I became aroused. I eventually engaged in the chat and got off on it. After I was done I was shocked and scar...
A. 30 September 2012: does not make you gay honey.. makes you human! it was just words... and words can be very powerful... don't worry about it.... (read in full...)
If you won money, how much would you give your guardian?
Q. Hey everyone, This is not a relationship question, it's a "what if" question. Ok, let's say you are 17 years old and you've been living with somebody like a guardian since you were 16, you don't have any parents, and you pay the person $300 ever...
A. 30 September 2012: why would you want to give them half? they are being paid already to take care of you....
I would not give them half... if they ask I'd give them nothing, if they don't ask, well then I might give them a thank you gift if they have been kind to ... (read in full...)
Does the love for a previous partner fade away in time, or is there always something there?
Q. This question is directed mainly at the guys, but ladies please feel free to answer too :) My current boyfriend is my first for everything, and hopefully he'll be my last! We're a long distance couple, have been together for two years now and I ...
A. 30 September 2012:
Well I can tell you that I no longer love any of my exs but if I saw them I would be polite and kind.... but I do not consider any of them friends.
and for what it's worth, I don't think that we should be friends with ex's unless we have c... (read in full...)
G/f's ex FWB still contacts her
Q. Me my gf have been going out for more than a year now we are living together. I don't think of my self as being a jealous or a controlling Bf. Her ex fuck buddy would text her every now and then for a chat. I have never like him contacting her b...
A. 30 September 2012: I don't think you are being unreasonable either.
I could see if she was contacted by him once in a while by text or email and she replied.... but meeting with him IMO, is over the top.
Rules apply to both. either you both get to see your frie... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has exchanged disgustingly sexual emails with girls online and when I confronted him, he said he was "bored" and then accused me of cheating!!
Q. okay so i've been dating this guy now for almost two years. I thought he was perfect in almost every way. We're nearly the same person, which may be the reason for some of our heated arguments, but besides those few fights I thought we had a great ...
A. 30 September 2012: I'd end it.
1. you will never trust him again
2. he accused you of cheating that's usually the mark of POT.KETTLE.BLACK. in other words, he's cheating....
3. the fact that he views PEOPLE that he's USING as machines is bothersome on ma... (read in full...)
My ex and I reconnected over Facebook and then he suddenly blocked me! Why would he do that?
Q. I sent a Facebook message to my ex boyfriend to smooth over the awkwardness after we broke up (almost a year ago) and kind of extend a hand of friendship, which he gladly accepted. A few months after we broke up he wanted to get back together or ...
A. 30 September 2012: he got a new girlfriend and that's why he's blocked you...
he does not want you to see it.
don't contact him.
I see no need for ex partners to be friends unless they have children together.... (read in full...)
Will the man get the yeast infection too?
Q. if a female has a yeast infection and has intercourse with a man, does the man gets it?!...
A. 30 September 2012: yes he can.
and yes he has to be treated.
BTW yeast is in our bodies all the time.
thrush is yeast in the mouth (and you can get it from oral sex)
... (read in full...)
Squirting issues
Q. Ok, so my wife and I have a really healthy sexual relationship. We love trying new things. She has came to like squirting as much as me. We was watching some porn and a girl started cumming and white stuff was oozing out of her. We are trying to ...
A. 30 September 2012: ya gotta put white stuff in her to get white stuff to ooze out...
I suggest whipped cream....
(not really that's like setting her up for a yeast infection where she will ooze white stuff but she will burn and itch and be really angry with yo... (read in full...)
Is my ex in denial over our break up?
Q. I broke up with my boyfriend last week over his bad temper and slight emotional abuse. Anyways we live together so it's hard to completely cut it off and not see him anymore but he said he would be looking for another place to live. We've been doing ...
A. 30 September 2012: He's in denial that it's over.
You will just have to do the broken record technique with him.
He cares. He cares deeply that's why he's in denial that it's over.
This will be hard. He will beg, he will plead. He may threaten to kill him... (read in full...)
I asked him where the relationship was headed and now he seems distant
Q. I have been dating this guy for 3 months. Everything was going really well until I commited the ultimate girl mistake in a new relationship: I asked where this was all headed.... surprisingly he was very calm (i could tell he was annoyed but was ...
A. 30 September 2012: I don't think you did anything wrong either. I think you, after 3 months, had every right to have the "where are we going?" conversation.
The problem was that he was not man enough to give you the answer in words... his actions are telling ... (read in full...)
When does intercourse become less painful for women?
Q. Hi! So, I'm getting married soon and I been reading a lot about sex preparing somewhat for it. My fiancé has told me that she has had 1 sexual partner and they only did it twice the same day she lost her virginity. One worry that she has is our f...
A. 30 September 2012: as long as I am very aroused and well lubricated and my partner is concerned about my well being, (like you are for your fiancee) I have never had pain...
it's only when men rush and think we turn on instantly.
foreplay is the critical thin... (read in full...)
In a FWB relationship should I be angry that he stood me up?
Q. I have been seeing a guy for quite a short time. It started out as a one night stand but we have been seeing each others again after that. It is clear it is nothing else than for sex, which is fine with me since I am recently single and not really ...
A. 30 September 2012: I happen to agree that since consideration is good enough for strangers it's even more important for friends. INCLUDING FWB.... (read in full...)
He said if I dislike his pot smoking I can leave
Q. Ok! So me and my fiance have been together almost 9 years. When I met him he did not smoke, we've broke up and got back together in between that time, but here we are together again, and now he smokes weed. I have a serious problem with it. I mean...
A. 30 September 2012: Pot is psychologically addicting. But I have yet to find a doctor that will tell me it will harm me.
I think it should be legal
I think it should be regulated and taxed and sold in liquor stores.... Then folks might not feel the need to indu... (read in full...)
LDR - Is he taking me for granted or am I being selfish?
Q. I met this guy online around 6 months ago, we are both mature people so I think we both knew what we were doing when we got into this LDR. I let him know about my health which is a severe neurologic condition from day one. He says he loves and ador...
A. 29 September 2012: Have you two met in real life?
if not why not?
if after 6 months you feel neglected it's not a good sign.
if you feel you can't talk to him about it or you talk to him and he is not responsive to your needs, that too is not a good sign...... (read in full...)
It feels like he's rushing things -- is he a player?
Q. Hi everyone,i am a bit nervous these days and i thought of asking for any advice,there is a guy wich i like and i have known him for three years now,we have been in high school together,we started dating and only after three weeks he wanted to have ...
A. 29 September 2012: he's a player.. he just wants sex nothing more.
just say no.... (read in full...)
Feel like I married both my husband and his sister -- and she doesn't like me
Q. I have been married for two years and was blindsided by a problem that he has: his sister. She was very friendly before the engagement and wanted to be my best friend. My husband and she are very close. They talk every day on the phone, lived ...
A. 29 September 2012: the sister sounds a bit mentally unstable... where are their parents?
i fear that you will have to risk losing your marriage over this one... because I would not tolerate a spouse putting a sister before me 24/7... once in a while during a cri... (read in full...)
I have an athletic body, but no boobs. Are my friends right about the comments, I'm now self conscious guys will be put off!!?
Q. I feel really self conscious about my body after the comments from people I live with at uni, now I think they're right that a guy wont like my body or maybe I should get surgery, or gain weight, anything to change myself. I'm not that tall, only ...
A. 29 September 2012: they are jealous
btw you are supposed to have three spaces in your legs your thighs is one
your calves is the other
and your ankles is the third
most of us don't have that thigh one any more because we are unfit and overweight.
t... (read in full...)
Do I keep it to myself or tell my sister? My sister's husband of nine years told me he is having an affair
Q. Yesterday was the worst day of my life. My sister's husband of nine years told me he is having an affair,he trusted me enough to tell me, but I feel like I'm betraying my sister. Please help me what should I do????? My sister also has a life treat...
A. 29 September 2012: WHAT A COWARD HE IS.
he told you in hope you would tell his wife and she would leave so he would not have to deal with her illness.
tell him you will tell your parents and your dad can deal with him and your mom your sister...
(sorr... (read in full...)
Her Mom has agreed to keep it secret. But do I tell my new Gf that I had sex with her Mom in the past?
Q. I have been dating a woman for a few months now and all is going really great. Recently she introduced me to her mother and immediately we recognized each other. A few years earlier we were in a bar and started talking to each other. She is was o...
A. 29 September 2012: sounds like a two and half men episode I saw once..
charlie slept with the woman he was dating's son who was engaged to charlies ex girl friend.
they kept it a secret. when it all came out EVERYONE was miserable.
if you are sure it can be... (read in full...)
Confused schoolgirl... what do I do about him?
Q. I met a boy a year ago on Facebook. We were only Friends when last week he asked me to meet him. I was really excited to meet him for the first time, he is 21 and am 16. he is very friendly and i started liking him a lot but when we met yesterda...
A. 28 September 2012: honey you ARE a school girl
and there is no way I would let my 16 yr old daughter date a 21 year old MAN.
21 and 26 is not that big a difference but 16 and 21 is HUGE.
and even with age of consent being 16 here where I live any sexual acti... (read in full...)
What can I do to remember important things?
Q. I am nineteen. I always forget important things from my family, friends, college and I hurt some people by forgetting about something I said I would do for them or similar. I am not trying to forget things or ignore people; it just happens but then ...
A. 28 September 2012: I use a program called Cozi... at cozi.com it's free online for the version with ads.... i have my appointments and to do lists and shopping lists etc... it has a journal area that I use for notes...
every sunday we get an email for the househol... (read in full...)
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