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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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He won't officially end it if that's what he wants? What to do? I feel stuck!
Q. Dear all, Please advise. My Bf of 18 months moved recently ( not too far away) and he has been seeing me less and less. We had an argument and he left for two weeks, then came back breifly and I had it out with him then when I called him the next ...
A. 23 September 2012: hang in there OP.... it will get easier..... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's mom has just died, would it be wrong of me to ask him to delete this girl from Facebook now?
Q. OK extension of a previous question or ongoing issue sorry so long, My BF broke up with me last Nov for 13 days started talking and befriending a new girl but they never made it on a date due to a death in her family, but he said he never really ...
A. 21 September 2012: happy birthday dear... hope you have the best day you can have.
what this post tells you is that you are not alone... us loving aunties will always be here for you.... (read in full...)
Why did my married lover cut things off and say I wasn't part of his life?
Q. Am a married woman having an affair with a married man, we both decided not to upset our respective personal lives because of our affair. From the begining controlled everything in our relationship ( laid down the rules like no phone,text,contact ...
A. 21 September 2012: do you really thing that just because YOU and HE decided not to upset your respective personal lives that it works that way?
The reason for his "ill behavior" as you call it is because the man is a user and abuser.
HE did not care about you n... (read in full...)
Is it wrong of me to get involved with the son of my lover who passed away?
Q. my fiance of 3and 1/2 years took his own life in january of this year. thru hate emails, i came to find out that there were like 12 of us that he had proposed to. but that didn't stop me from loving him and mourning for him. he has 3 children, all ...
A. 21 September 2012: have you MET John? or are you totally in touch via the internet?
I do not like this... no to many things that have an ewwwww factor...
I think that JOHN saying he loves you when he's all of 20 and you are more than old enough to be hi... (read in full...)
GF doesn't want friends to know about relationship.
Q. Ok, so i've dated my gf for almost 2 years now. Only people that know we're in a relationship is her family but not her friends. I asked her why she doesn't want other people to know about our relationship and she said that if we break up she ...
A. 21 September 2012: umm honey at your age that's a "crock of poo"
she's hiding something...
if you have to ask total strangers if the relationship is good the answer is no.... (read in full...)
Do you believe in 'if you love them let them go'?
Q. This is just a random poll question: You know how in movies or TV there's always the theme of "if you love him/her, you'll let them go and be happy"... do you agree with that? Given that the relationship in question is pretty good but not ...
A. 21 September 2012: If someone is unhappy how can the relationship be “pretty good”?
If you truly love someone and they want out of the relationship of course you let them go.
... (read in full...)
I'm ashamed of my sexual past and worried about STD's....
Q. When i was 11 years old i lost both my parents and i had to live with my granny. She waz very stingy and 2 much strict and she abused me and my little sister because she doesn't love our father's family. At the age of 15 i startf drinking alchohol ...
A. 21 September 2012: GO to the doctor and get a full STD panel done.
then you can have peace of mind.
and you can't be intimate with him without protection until you know...
as for telling him about your past... until you have the STD/HIV panel done you ... (read in full...)
How do I approach our married female friend so I can explore my bi-sexual curiosities?
Q. I have been with my BF for over a year now. We are both in our early 20's. We are very open and he know I am bi curious, and he is even willing to let me "explore" those curiosities, if an opportunity happen to present itself. Well, we are friends ...
A. 21 September 2012: NO. do not do it.
do not do it with a friend... it gets too complicated.
go to yahoo and go to the adult groups and look for a swingers group with some bisexual women and find a woman willing to deal with bi-curious girls...
(they we... (read in full...)
I've been caught stealing and my employers know about it, they have given me 2 options, so what do I do now?
Q. I have been working for my company as a new business rep for 4 and a half years and always been good. I normally get my lunch from a supermarket down the road from my office but about a month ago, i had some fraud done on my bank and while it got...
A. 21 September 2012: I'm confused.
why is the supermarket and your boss in cahoots to determine what happens... why will the supermarket not prosecute if you resign?
do you work for the supermarket
1. you must pay retribution back to the market TODAY! do not... (read in full...)
He won't officially end it if that's what he wants? What to do? I feel stuck!
Q. Dear all, Please advise. My Bf of 18 months moved recently ( not too far away) and he has been seeing me less and less. We had an argument and he left for two weeks, then came back breifly and I had it out with him then when I called him the next ...
A. 21 September 2012: NO. NO NO NO NO NO!
Sorry that was my first response…. I’m calming down now… of course he wants to “be friends”
He doesn’t want to tell you what’s going on….
You asked if he’s seeing someone and he said NO…. do you believe him? Wh... (read in full...)
What does this master manipulator want now?
Q. My ex boyfriend went to detox and then rehab for alcohol. He lived with me for two months without paying any rent. When he went back to work, he got apartment secretly while he was living with me. All along he was making a thousands excuses ...
A. 21 September 2012: yes he did use you.
MEN are not real assholes HE'S an ASSHOLE... do not tag all men based on one idiot's behavior that's not fair.
why do you care what he says now
just don't answer the phone (block him on the landline if you can)
... (read in full...)
Can my long distance relationship with a much older man really work?
Q. Hi Dearcupid, My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year now and love each other very much. We have so much fun together, whether it's going out or just enjoying one another's company. The only thing is that we are in differen...
A. 21 September 2012: Long distance is hard
Long distance when you are in school and so young is even harder….
Long distance when you are in school and so young with an older boyfriend when your friends don’t get it and try to break you up is EVEN HARDER.
I can tel... (read in full...)
Is his recent interest in seeing me with another woman a sign he's losing interest?
Q. My husband and I have been together over a year and have a great sex life. He used to be very against porn and the idea of girl on girl or threesomes. Now he looks at porn every day (even after we just had sex) and brings up wanting to see me with ...
A. 21 September 2012: I agree with Honeypie that porn was on the table for a 40 yr old long before you.
you are together over a year... how long are you married and how long did you know him before you married?
personally, yeah I'd be concerned that all o... (read in full...)
Am I over reacting to the constant texts and calls
Q. Boyfriend constantly texting and calling another woman.... Please help, i have been with my partner for 4years and to be honest it hasnt been easy, after the 1st year he dumped me as he had feelings for a female friend. we got back together a...
A. 21 September 2012: Not making first contact is only part of it.
NOT replying is also part of it....
if you are hurting and he's not responsive to your requests and needs.... well the writing is on the wall.
you have to do what you need to do to make you ... (read in full...)
Can I expect some kind of commitment from him?
Q. I have dated this guy for 2 months. It was a mess at first. Basically he dated me and my friend at the same time. I didn't know about this until my friend told me after a week. I talked to him and he said because we were not BF and GF yet so he...
A. 21 September 2012: you don't trust him
he's moving to a different country in a year
he has many women friends that he keeps hidden from you
I would not expect commitment from this man.... (read in full...)
I don't know if my boyfriend is the one for me
Q. I have never written in any love advice sites before, but have been enjoying reading this site, so I decided to give it a try. Thanks for reading. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 11 months. From the beginning, I thought he was not the r...
A. 21 September 2012: "I've een trying to break up with him"
stop trying and do it.
"he would not let me go"
no you are not being strong about it... which means you have mixed feelings.
when the bad outweighs the good you will leave
or if someone else... (read in full...)
What exactly does 'take a break' mean?
Q. What does "do you want to take a break" mean?? My boyfriend and I are having some ups and downs at the moment, and he asked me this. I don't even know what that entails. ...
A. 21 September 2012: TO ME (and this is just my take on it)
you can't "take a break" from a relationship. IF it's so bad that you need to "take a break" that is the beginning of the end to me...
to some it means "I need time to figure out what i want"
to some... (read in full...)
Does he have feelings for me and is afraid of being hurt?
Q. Alright guys, im having a huge dellima... I met this guy through my cousin, and it seemd like a good idea. We atrted texting, we met once but it was brief, and i knew there was just something about him. I thouhgt about him off and all, and he final...
A. 21 September 2012: that's code for "i am not as into you as you want me to be"
sweetie... he's not interested...... (read in full...)
Love: What is your definition?
Q. I am absolutely sick people saying that love is a mutual feeling and if the other person doesn't feel the same way then it's not love, so I thought Id ask what peoples definitions were. Mine is that love is selfless, undying. You put them in front ...
A. 21 September 2012: I agree that love is selfless... that you want the other person to be happy even if it means letting them go...
But I think your asking this because you "love" someone who does not return your feelings... the reason I think this is because you ... (read in full...)
I earn double what my boyfriend does so he expects me to pay for everything
Q. Hi all. I earn double my boyfriend's salary and I'm a bread winner At home. He always ask for money and when he bring it back he doesn't bring the full amount. He's very stingy and he expect me do everything for him like give him money to go to ...
A. 21 September 2012: continue to "disrespect" him...
the person who is being disrespectful is him.
if you do not live together you do not and should not pay ANY of his living expenses.
He sees you as a bank.
do not pay for his groceries
do not pay his cell p... (read in full...)
He's all over me but he has a girlfriend
Q. Okay so I started highschool 3weeks ago and I met thIs guy he's really nice and he's a big flirt well about a week ago we started talking and getting close just a week ago he got a girlfriend but he still all over me and everything but I don't bow ...
A. 21 September 2012: If he is a boy with a girlfriend who is flirting with you then you don't want that kind of boy for a boyfriend.... (read in full...)
Do guys like small girls?
Q. Do guys like petite girls i'm 4'9"...
A. 21 September 2012: yes dear they do... 4'9" is quite petite however... are you sure you are done growing?
my mom was only 5'2" my dad 6'2"
as long as you look like a woman once you are grown up and mature and not a little girl.... at your height you will have... (read in full...)
This picture pops up on Facebook of my boyfriend and this girl looking like a couple....is it reasonable for me to have a problem with this photo?
Q. Hi, so my boyfriend just came back off holiday, we've been quite rocky for a while but since he came back we've been really happy havnt argued once until this photo was uploaded on facebook. I just want advice on whether I'm being in reasonable with ...
A. 21 September 2012: Next ask him what he would do if he was in your shoes and he saw pictures of you like that with another man
and a 5 year age difference is a bit much at your age but her age is not the reason in anyway shape or form to discount your discomf... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend using my negativity as a stalling tactic?
Q. My boyfriend and I are in our mid forties and we have each been married (and divorced) once. He for over 10 years...me for over 5 years. We have been dating for a year and a half. We talk about marriage. We talk about where we will live. W...
A. 20 September 2012: YOu said:
" While getting ready to paint he will notice that the toaster on the counter is sitting a little lopsided. In turning the toaster over to see what the problem is, he will notice that one of the little rubber feet is missing. He will ... (read in full...)
I'm in love with a married man who is ready to leave his wife for me but I don't want to break up a family. What should I do?
Q. I am in love with a married man. I am 23 he is 29. He is willing to leave his wife for me. She lives in another country. I don't know what to do, because ever though we are deeply in love with each other, i don't want to break up a family. They ...
A. 20 September 2012: Did he leave his wife after you went NO CONTACT?
because sweetie, IF he WAS going to leave her that would have been the perfect time.
you left him
you told him you can't cope with his being married.
he said he would divorce his wife
HE h... (read in full...)
How do I quit this terrible job? And should I report the company after I'm gone?
Q. How do I quit my job? I work at a very busy yet understaffed restaurant. It's run the traditional east Asian way... I'm sorry for the poor terminology. What I'm trying to say is that they're very cheap. Mangement takes some of our tip, they didn't...
A. 20 September 2012: yep you give two weeks notice... and don't worry.
ad for reporting it, don't burn bridges.... karma is ugly and they will get theirs when the time is right...
if they ask why you are leaving, you can say that the working conditions d... (read in full...)
Why will my boyfriend give his friend money but won't help me?
Q. my boyfriend supports a woman who is just a friend he hardly ever sees her but gives her $$ all the time. my water is shut off but he wont help me how can i get him to help? he is with me most all the time....
A. 20 September 2012: His money his choice
and your choice to leave him if you so desire.
how much money do you need to get your water back on.. usually a water bill is not that high and if you ignore it it takes a while for it to be turned off due to lack of p... (read in full...)
I'm going away to college, how can I ease the tension with my boyfriend?
Q. i am in my early 20s and so is my boyfriend, we have been together for about 2 years and i really love him, went from someone who was always single and fell hard for him early on and the feeling was and still is mutual. the plan was even from over ...
A. 20 September 2012: TALK about it.....
and I think that letting him see where you will be living and meeting your flatmates is a good idea to be honest.
I know that the leavings are hard.... but in this case I think it's for peace of mind...
... (read in full...)
I think my best friend's boyfriend is coming on to me
Q. Hey everyone is this wierd I feel like my best friends boyfriend is interested in me..I don't know if I'm seeing things but the way he behaves towards me..I don't know if I should talk to him and tell him its inapproriate but I'm not sure..you tell ...
A. 20 September 2012: well maybe he's just trying to be nice or be friendly or make you feel good.
best thing do to is ASK him what's up
and if he says he's interested then I would talk to my girl friend cause he's a rat and she should know.... (read in full...)
I'm worried that my boyfriend of 2.5 years is gay
Q. I'm worried that my boyfriend may be gay. We have been together for 2.5 years. The first time he took me to his house, I thought it was odd that he had 2 teddy bears on his bed, and a large image of scooby doo in his living room. In addition, He is ...
A. 20 September 2012: He sounds immature and lazy to me not gay.
Just because a man likes anal play does not make him gay.
We have a rule in our house “Sunday mornings is for blow jobs” and often that’s the only sex in our house for the week… thankfully I lik... (read in full...)
I love my girlfriend but don't fancy her at all? what to do?
Q. i have a problem i love my girlfriend been with her a year and we want to live together at some point. have a lot in common and she is a lovely person who i do have have feelings for but only in a frinedship way. i dont fancy her anymore. its not ...
A. 20 September 2012: she's your friend.
this is the hardest breakup reason in the world.
but you must not live with her or lead her on
you must in fact end the relationship.
sadly she will be so heartbroken she will probably want to go NO CONTACT at least fo... (read in full...)
LDR..I'm afraid of her leaving me
Q. Im afraid of being left. Im tired of the nervousness, im tired of losing sleep, im tired of realizing im most likely overreacting but I cant help it. Ive been dating my girlfriend for 7 months today and we have a long distance relationship. We make ...
A. 20 September 2012: Let me recap this:
You are 16/17 years old (that’s young btw)
Dating 7 months (not a long period of time)
In an LDR (I am assuming it’s an ONLINE relationship that you have never met in person)
SHE felt like you wanted too much attention… why ... (read in full...)
After 3 years of a FWB relationship, I broke it off. Did I do the right thing?
Q. I guess what I'm really looking for is affirmation that I did the right thing. I think I did, but it takes one varying opinon to make me reconsider what I did. Anyhow, I've been seeing this guy (not seriously for 3-years). I have dated and "...
A. 20 September 2012: you so did the right thing...
... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's mom has just died, would it be wrong of me to ask him to delete this girl from Facebook now?
Q. OK extension of a previous question or ongoing issue sorry so long, My BF broke up with me last Nov for 13 days started talking and befriending a new girl but they never made it on a date due to a death in her family, but he said he never really ...
A. 20 September 2012: DARN IT hitting the enter button again too fast.
I think you are AFRAID to ask because you KNOW the answer will be NO
Everyone is sorry when someone loses someone... even folks I have never actually MET on facebook (friends of friends ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's mom has just died, would it be wrong of me to ask him to delete this girl from Facebook now?
Q. OK extension of a previous question or ongoing issue sorry so long, My BF broke up with me last Nov for 13 days started talking and befriending a new girl but they never made it on a date due to a death in her family, but he said he never really ...
A. 20 September 2012: I fear you will find now that his mom is gone and your services as a caretaker are no longer needed, his interest in you is going to disappear...
why would he want to remove people he is friendly with from his facebook page. I don't. IF My ... (read in full...)
I need him, what if he doesn't need me?
Q. I would like more reciprocation in my relationship from my boyfriend. Sometimes (or quite often) I feel like I give him more than he gives me. In the past I have come to the agony aunts with a similar question, and some have said just move on. Bu...
A. 20 September 2012: It’s never good to NEED someone. I do not want to be NEEDED by my partner. I want to be WANTED.
Have you told him this? What does he say? Sadly what I’ve learned is that normally if you need to TELL them you need them to alter their pe... (read in full...)
How can I make him understand that he is not the type of man I want, without hurting him?
Q. I am a 30 year old woman, dating a 33 year old man. We have been together for four months now. My fear is that when we met I told him that "The stay together thing is not part of the relationship" as we are both christians and go to the same church. ...
A. 20 September 2012: of course he has no financial problems you are supporting him.
do not worry about hurting him.
he is using you and he will be very upset when this ride with you ends... he's got it good
food
clothing
shelter
sex
etc.
text ... (read in full...)
Not enough money for a wedding, should we elope?
Q. Ok so I'm newly engaged and the date is set for early 2014, after my fiance graduates from university. My problem is that my mom who would be paying for the wedding cannot afford it. Both me and my finance don't have our careers started yet, so ...
A. 20 September 2012: you have over a year to save.
you have several options:
1. get a part time job and devote the funds to saving for the wedding
2. have a small destination wedding and then at home later on a reception (we are going to vegas in two weeks ... (read in full...)
This picture pops up on Facebook of my boyfriend and this girl looking like a couple....is it reasonable for me to have a problem with this photo?
Q. Hi, so my boyfriend just came back off holiday, we've been quite rocky for a while but since he came back we've been really happy havnt argued once until this photo was uploaded on facebook. I just want advice on whether I'm being in reasonable with ...
A. 20 September 2012: HIT enter too soon..
so he went on a vacation with another couple and NOT his girlfriend but ANOTHER GIRL
honey the writing is on the wall...
... (read in full...)
This picture pops up on Facebook of my boyfriend and this girl looking like a couple....is it reasonable for me to have a problem with this photo?
Q. Hi, so my boyfriend just came back off holiday, we've been quite rocky for a while but since he came back we've been really happy havnt argued once until this photo was uploaded on facebook. I just want advice on whether I'm being in reasonable with ...
A. 20 September 2012: did you ask him?
how long have you been a couple?
here's my take on it...
you are rocky
you are young
he went on vacation with his brother and ANOTHER GIRL...
... (read in full...)
How do I overcome my problems for sex?
Q. So I'm planning on having sex for the first time with my boyfriend. I'm on birth control and me and my boyfriend are 20. He isn't a virgin and I am. So I am asking if you have any advice on overcoming my self consciousness of being naked with him...
A. 20 September 2012: how long have you been dating
how far have you gone so far
does he know you are a virgin?
have you two talked about this?
I agree that you may not be ready if that's what you are worrying about...
I know that i was self consc... (read in full...)
I want to change but don't know how....
Q. I never thought that I'll be this depressed. Where to begin. I'm 29, which is too old to be single in my country. My family constantly putting pressure on me, I know they (my dad and sister) mean well, but sometimes I just felt that my da...
A. 20 September 2012: I am so sorry you are struggling so much.
I strongly suggest that you figure out a way to see a counselor... not a psychiatrist... all they do is prescribe meds... you need a social worker, psychologist or a psychotherapist to help you work thr... (read in full...)
How do I tell my parents I'm soon to be engaged?
Q. How do I tell my parents about my relationship? I'm just 20 and my girl is also 20 and we are going to get engaged..my girl's parents got to know about the relationship and asked me to break up... I'm not in a situation to break up.. I have gone ...
A. 20 September 2012: Do your parents know you are dating her?
what's the rush to be engaged?
why do her parents want you to break up?
... (read in full...)
He won't officially end it if that's what he wants? What to do? I feel stuck!
Q. Dear all, Please advise. My Bf of 18 months moved recently ( not too far away) and he has been seeing me less and less. We had an argument and he left for two weeks, then came back breifly and I had it out with him then when I called him the next ...
A. 19 September 2012: GOOD girl.
stay strong it will pass in a few weeks.. the weekend will be hard... ... (read in full...)
Am I over reacting to the constant texts and calls
Q. Boyfriend constantly texting and calling another woman.... Please help, i have been with my partner for 4years and to be honest it hasnt been easy, after the 1st year he dumped me as he had feelings for a female friend. we got back together a...
A. 19 September 2012: IF it bothers you then you have to tell him that he has to make a choice.
BUT be advised that the last time someone told me to make a choice I chose the person not making the demand... so you have to decide are you willing to lose him over thi... (read in full...)
He won't officially end it if that's what he wants? What to do? I feel stuck!
Q. Dear all, Please advise. My Bf of 18 months moved recently ( not too far away) and he has been seeing me less and less. We had an argument and he left for two weeks, then came back breifly and I had it out with him then when I called him the next ...
A. 19 September 2012: I vote for not only ignore but block... makes it much easier...
... (read in full...)
He won't officially end it if that's what he wants? What to do? I feel stuck!
Q. Dear all, Please advise. My Bf of 18 months moved recently ( not too far away) and he has been seeing me less and less. We had an argument and he left for two weeks, then came back breifly and I had it out with him then when I called him the next ...
A. 17 September 2012: Ah you have your closure.
mourn the loss of what might have been had he been a different person.... and then get on with life...
... (read in full...)
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