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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Porn discretion for men, how to prevent porn ever becoming an issue in your relationship.
Q. (Disclaimer: This article is not about lying to your partner. If you using porn in a relationship is a deal-breaker for her and has become a problem then this is not an article for you to break the conditions of your relationship by using these tips ...
A. 2 May 2013: Pr3tty_in_pink86 said:
“Not sure if I entirely agree as they have been cleared up and not going to cause harm to the other person.”
No the cleared up STDS won’t cause harm but the BEHAVIOR that enabled the person to CATCH the STD may cause ha... (read in full...)
Porn discretion for men, how to prevent porn ever becoming an issue in your relationship.
Q. (Disclaimer: This article is not about lying to your partner. If you using porn in a relationship is a deal-breaker for her and has become a problem then this is not an article for you to break the conditions of your relationship by using these tips ...
A. 1 May 2013: Here I go thinking like a man again. (I SWEAR I'm a woman)
STDs should be disclosed even if they are cleared up
But to be honest I agree with Cerberus on the porn issue.
IF porn BOTHERS a woman it's incumbent on HER to say somethin... (read in full...)
Porn discretion for men, how to prevent porn ever becoming an issue in your relationship.
Q. (Disclaimer: This article is not about lying to your partner. If you using porn in a relationship is a deal-breaker for her and has become a problem then this is not an article for you to break the conditions of your relationship by using these tips ...
A. 8 January 2013: To HappyPlace, I've never had a man lie to me about porn. They watch it. I'm ok with it. Why LIE?
MEN who have to lie about porn are with women who find it unacceptable. Since there are men out there that do not watch porn, and there ar... (read in full...)
Our sex drives are out of sync. All since we moved in together. What can help resolve this situation?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for a year and 2 months and we moved in together fairly early at the beginning of the relationship. He used to live with his parents and everytime we spend the night together we would always have sex. Since mo...
A. 17 December 2012: Other than moving in what has changed?
My husband and I were LDR for the first almost full year of our relationship.. every weekend when I went to see him we would have sex… then he moved in with me… and sex dwindled.
For several reasons.
1. We ... (read in full...)
Can you really just be friends with someone you still love and will probably love for a long time?
Q. My ex and I broke up 2 weeks ago after being together for 2 years. We were each other's first serious loves and relationship. We both agree and know we're not right for each other as the people we are right now, but we still love each other very ...
A. 17 December 2012: I'm in agreement that ex-partners can't be just friends.
You can be friendly and civil if you need to be in situations.
But you can't be friends and there is no need for you to be friends.
if you still both have deep feelings fo... (read in full...)
He liked me once but I'm not sure he does anymore. Is he just using me?
Q. So I like this boy, but I don't think it's going so well. When me and him very first met he was very flirty, but this was when I didn't like him. He always said hi to me in the hallways, he spent lunch with me, he took my phone, me messed with me, ...
A. 17 December 2012: STOP buying him stuff. You can say no to him, you don't because you are afraid to find out he's just using you. And that will hurt and make you feel bad and you don't want that so you keep buying him stuff.
... (read in full...)
The girl I want slept with some else
Q. At work there is this girl that I fancied for a longtime but I never tried to pursue her because she is with someone else. That never bothered me like that , shes always been jokey and flirty with me always saying funny I am and that I am really ...
A. 17 December 2012: Why would her behavior make you feel like crap?
You did not have her. She was just a co-worker that flirted with you. Perhaps you had it blown up that it would be more because you fancied her?
While her choice to sleep with a married man... (read in full...)
Why can't anyone understand how much scoliosis is hurting me?
Q. My physio theropist told me that i have scoliosis and where its pushing on my muscle my muscle keeps getting spasms. She said that it is only minor but they dont understand how much it hurts. They didnt even give me an x-ray just exercises which i ...
A. 17 December 2012: I have a 20 degree curve in my back that is from degenerative disc disease so I know your pain. I have found that yoga is very very helpful for flexibility and movement. If you don't like physio (and i hated it) you need to find something that ... (read in full...)
Husband wants me to have a lover. Can anyone help me understand the man's point of view on this? Why would be want to see me being pleased by another man?
Q. Hi, my husband and I have been together for 4 years. We recently got married and are very happy together. Before i met my husband i enjoyed my sexual freedom, meaning i had lots of experiences. He was also sexually very active before he m...
A. 17 December 2012: My former marriage was an open marriage.
IF the couple involved is mature and neither suffers from jealousy, insecurity or lack of self-esteem... being in "the lifestyle" can enhance an already fun marriage. I know several long term (over 20... (read in full...)
Confused & Broken. It's ruining my life that I need him so much.
Q. So I've liked this guy for .... 3 years. We used to have a "thing" and it just ended. When it did I was heartbroken and ever since then we've just been like best friends but lately he's been ignoring me like shamelessly tweeting and seeing his ...
A. 17 December 2012: three years at your age is a long time and you say you just ended it... so it's still raw...
I don't believe that you can be "just friends" with ex partners. I see no need to remain friends with ex partners that you do not have children wit... (read in full...)
Why does my boyfriend say I'm annoying when I'm just trying to be helpful/positive?
Q. hi everyone, my boyfriend has recently started saying im annoying. ive asked him what i do wrong and all he says is that i am too enthusiastic about stuff. we live apart so dont see each other too often, so when i get to see him or cal...
A. 17 December 2012: stop trying to cheer him up.
He is depressed and he needs to seek professional medical and psychological assistance to get past this.
If he is depressed and not seeking help there is really nothing you can do and you do not have to subject ... (read in full...)
I think rejection has scarred me. How do I overcome it?
Q. What can I do to stop feeling bad about myself? I feel ugly and fat and low all the time because the guy I loved left me after 2 and a half years together. I have a new guy who says I'm beautiful and gorgeous but that rejection has truly scarred me...
A. 17 December 2012: You are clearly not over your ex. I'm sorry to say this but it's very unfair to your current partner.
why are you having any contact with him at all?
block his phone number
block his email
block him on social media.
pretend h... (read in full...)
When are hugs from another woman mean more than a hug
Q. how to tell when a hug from another woman means more than a hug ...
A. 17 December 2012: well if it's a full body hug (hips and thighs) vs a shoulder hug where she holds her lower body away from you that's usually a good sign.... (read in full...)
I was abused in the past. Do I have the right to become celibate in my relationship?
Q. After years of having sexual problems, I have decided to become celibate. This is due to extreme anxiety and depression before and after sex that stems from emotional and slight sexual abuse. I was never forcibly raped, however, no matter how hard...
A. 17 December 2012: I don't think it's very fair of you to choose to be celibate while in a relationship.
IF you want to be celibate that's fine. You have to choose to be single as well or find a partner that does not want sex.
Otherwise you are not being fa... (read in full...)
What are your thoughts on getting rid of unwanted hair permanently?
Q. Hello What do you think of getting rid of unwanted hair permanently? This technique is called 'electrolysis'(I didn't know about it until few days ago)and is it safe to use on chest and back also do you think thhis method is risky to use in pubic zo...
A. 16 December 2012: I think that certain types of unwanted hair should not be permanently removed in case as you age you change your mind about wanting it.
A good example would be my husband... he used to remove all his pubic hair and I hated it... He stopped ... (read in full...)
Is hair removal cream safe to use on the penis?
Q. Hey all! Just a quick question about hair removal. I have quite long hairs on the underside of the shaft of my penis. I read this was common in circumsized males when I first noticed them but I would prefer it if I could remove them. So i...
A. 16 December 2012: and if you have been plucking... consider waxing it off.... (read in full...)
How should I deal with the fact that my sister seems to copy everything I do?
Q. Hey This is about my sister. She is 26 and I am 22. We get along really well but lately she has started copying me a lot. I am an introvert, shy and creative. She is all about friends and partying and she's pretty outgoing. But,she latches ...
A. 16 December 2012: be flattered.
Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.... (read in full...)
Anyone know this average?
Q. What is the average number of men a 26 yr old girl has slept with?...
A. 16 December 2012: probably more than you would like it to be.
it's going to vary by woman and it's really got no bearing on anything to be honest as it's a private matter for the woman involved.
I know some who were virgins and some who had many partners.
... (read in full...)
Has anyone had a married person leave their partner for them and how did it work out?
Q. Has anyone (or do you know anyone) that has been in a relationship with someone whom is married/living with a partner and that person has actually left their partner to be with you? If so, did the relationship work out or did you constantly doubt if ...
A. 16 December 2012: I was in an OPEN marriage there was no affair but my marriage ended and he went with his partner and I am now married to the man I was involved with when married to my ex.
will it work? I hope so.
I know of one woman who it's worked for but ... (read in full...)
What do I do after breaking my ex's heart?
Q. I broke my ex's heart by completely neglecting her, not being there for her for two weeks, because I suspected she was seeing someone else. On top of that, by the end of the two weeks I sent her a completely unreasonable message where I was venting ...
A. 16 December 2012: I'm sorry you are hurting.
what you do now is learn from your mistakes so you don't repeat them and move on
after three months without contact she's made it clear she's no longer interested.... (read in full...)
Stupid or not? Can having too much sex make you gain weight?
Q. hey all.. Im gonna keep this short..im a black girl and i was wondering if maybe a myth i heard could be right...the myth is HavIng too much sex can make you gain weight'?? I disagree.. I think its stupid. But its going around at the moment...
A. 15 December 2012: It's not the sex, it's the ice cream afterwards...
seriously however person12345 is right... most folks in committed relationships gain weight in the beginning...
my husband has gained 30 pounds in the two years we are together... and I've... (read in full...)
What will happen when I am no longer in my twenties? Will he break-up with me when I get old?
Q. Hi everyone, First off i want to thank you for taking a look at my question. I am a 22 year old senior in college, and my boyfriend recently turned 36. We have been dating for nearly one year. Recently we have been talking about getting marri...
A. 15 December 2012: As the older partner in an age gap relationship I can tell you that I am not with my partner because of his age. In fact, I abhor the fact that he's 13 years younger than I am.
I did not target him due to his age. I don't really look at a pe... (read in full...)
The stranger. What does he want? Need advice.
Q. hey everyone,i'm a girl and i'm 17 years old,i saw this guy of 31 years old in a shop near to my school about 3months,he was totally a stranger for me, but i liked him a lot, anyway we were seeing each other everyday but we didn't talk ,after that ...
A. 15 December 2012: My advice is to forget about him.
You are 17 he's nearly twice your age and experienced when you are not.
He is probably grooming you for fun and games on his terms which is not good.
... (read in full...)
I just found out a girl I really like has a boyfriend. Should I still attempt to get to know her?
Q. First, just a short question, should I feel sorry for flirting with her a little bit before I knew she's already seeing someone? She was really nice about everything towards me. Anyway, I asked this girl I like for her number, but she said tha...
A. 15 December 2012: OP you are 100% correct If you go after a woman who is in a committed relationship and "convince her" to leave her current partner for you, you will never know if she would do the same thing to you.
Boyfriend, fiance, husband... it does not ... (read in full...)
First date and he wants to kiss me. Not sure how I feel about it?
Q. am 17 and on saturday am going to my first ever date this guy is older than me his 22 and we going to the cinema. he wants to kiss me and I have never kissed a guy before (any advice will be appreciated) I dont know what to do especially with ...
A. 15 December 2012: Am I the ONLY one who is concerned that a 17 yr old inexperienced girl is going out with a man 5 years older who probably is experienced.
"he wants to kiss me"
IF the OP KNOWS he wants to kiss her that means they have TALKED about this a... (read in full...)
Thoughts regarding retrograde jealousy....is a person's past really not any of the current relationship's business?
Q. An observation from a straight guy: I CALL BULLSHIT on people who claim that lovers are not accountable for how their sexual past is non of their current relationship's business. What if you only ever had one girlfriend, and before she met y...
A. 15 December 2012: OP I still disagree with you. It's not about balance.
everyone is 100% responsible in a relationship. It's not 50/50 it's 100/100.
There are some things that just cannot be compromised on for some people. Maybe it's sexual past. Maybe i... (read in full...)
How does my friend really feel about me? He rejected me and moved in with his girlfriend, but cant say if he still has feelings for me...
Q. im a bit worried as to how this will get read so please help if you can ok here goes, during the summer i got close to my best friend. we never had sex but kissed a few times. hes in a problematic situation with his girlfriend of 5 years so what hap...
A. 15 December 2012: I agree with Honeypie and oldbag.
he liked you as a friend
he does not want to hurt you
but
he has a long term live in gf and you have no idea what's really going on.
... (read in full...)
Porn discretion for men, how to prevent porn ever becoming an issue in your relationship.
Q. (Disclaimer: This article is not about lying to your partner. If you using porn in a relationship is a deal-breaker for her and has become a problem then this is not an article for you to break the conditions of your relationship by using these tips ...
A. 14 December 2012: Person12345, with all due respect (and when it comes to this topic I bow to you as the expert here at DC) isn't this lie of omission only going to occur if the woman does not take responsibility for her feelings and let the man know early on in the ... (read in full...)
Why does your partners use of pornography bother you?
Q. Why does your partner's use of porn bother you? My reason is because they are getting off on someone that isn't me, I have noticed alot of other women saying it is disgusting and degrading that doesn't bother me as much as the fact it is a woman ...
A. 14 December 2012: It doesn't bother me at all. Sometimes we watch it together.... (read in full...)
She makes me feel bad and I don't know what to do. Any advice?
Q. My friend will get mad at me if I'm not available to hang out. She gives me the silent treatment. When she finally does respond, she'll ask if I'm mad at her. I don't understand because she was mad at me and then is asking if I'm mad at her. When ...
A. 14 December 2012: She's moved away and you are young... her behavior is unacceptable... over time this relationship will probably fade away if you don't do anything at all...
... (read in full...)
Thoughts regarding retrograde jealousy....is a person's past really not any of the current relationship's business?
Q. An observation from a straight guy: I CALL BULLSHIT on people who claim that lovers are not accountable for how their sexual past is non of their current relationship's business. What if you only ever had one girlfriend, and before she met y...
A. 14 December 2012: I totally disagree with you OP. You asked for input so here it is.
My past is my past. I can’t change it. IF a person (male or female) is OPEN and HONEST from the beginning with their partner, it’s incumbent on the person with the RJ to WALK... (read in full...)
Will I feel this pain every time I have sex?
Q. Am a girl age 17 I tried to sleep with my boyfriend for the 1st time in my life, I was a virgin n when we were starting I couldn't stand for the pain, does that mean always when I try to have sex I will feel the same pain?...
A. 14 December 2012: You probably felt pain because you were not fully aroused and lubricated...
your partner must make sure he stimulates you enough prior to intercourse so that you are wet enough to receive him without pain.
also some good quality lubricant wo... (read in full...)
Do I have feelings for my co-worker?
Q. Recently, I've been having intimate dreams about my co-worker. He's 29. I'm almost 22. In these dreams, we kiss or have sex. It's so confusing to me because in real life, I only see him as a friend. At least, I think I do. My other co-workers ...
A. 14 December 2012: You may have feelings for him.
IF you are both single and there is no rule about dating in the workplace you may want to consider it but much like EWO said, be cautious...
If you date and it does not work out you guys will still be co-work... (read in full...)
Should I tell my bf that I have a crush on another guy?
Q. Okay, so I've been going out with this boy since August and it's been okay. I know that he loves me but I don't love him back I just really like and care for him. But, there's this other boy that I have liked for about 2 years and have recentl...
A. 14 December 2012: you like him and care for him and don't love him.
that's ok. I hope you don't tell him you love him. that would be wrong.
I think that if you like someone else that much and don't love your boyfriend that maybe you should consider ending ... (read in full...)
Is it cultural thing that guys in the USA like to make girls wait because it's supposed to be a power play/dominant thing?
Q. I have a date with an American guy next week (I live in the US by the way), what should I expect? Dating looks so coded here... We met on a casual hang out (with common friends) a few days ago and i notice that he was very attracted to me....
A. 14 December 2012: Not cultural. It's individual.
My husband hates texting and rarely texts. Maybe this guy is just matter of fact and figures you will make small talk on your date.
You have plans for a date... if you are concerned they will not be kept you... (read in full...)
She makes me feel bad and I don't know what to do. Any advice?
Q. My friend will get mad at me if I'm not available to hang out. She gives me the silent treatment. When she finally does respond, she'll ask if I'm mad at her. I don't understand because she was mad at me and then is asking if I'm mad at her. When ...
A. 14 December 2012: It's not you. It's her.
why do you even consider her a friend?
why do you even want to be around her.
she jabs you
she picks on you
she makes you feel bad....
my advice... stop being "friends" with her.... (read in full...)
Stay with my married lover or breakup? He says he doesn't want to lose me and he loves me
Q. Hi All I really need some advice about a married man i have been seeing for years,we are now both in our sixties. I have tried dozens of times to end the relationship but he doesn't want me to and i am truly in love with him,he tells me he love...
A. 14 December 2012: My aunt had an affair with a married man for 25 years. He died in his wife's arms and my aunt could not go to the funeral or mourn the loss of her lover in public at all.
she was always second best. always a dirty secret.
He is selfish.
... (read in full...)
Should I break up with her? Is the bus an okay place to do that?
Q. I have been dating my girlfriend for a couple months and after a while I have decided to break up with her, I just want to know if these are justified reasons for doing so. 1. She consistently talks to her friends about other guys, but keeps it...
A. 14 December 2012: NOT the bus. NOT In school. NOT with a group of friends around. you need to be alone with her.
you need to do this outside of school and in a place where she can be alone.
It's better to do it face to face and be as kind as you can b... (read in full...)
He tells me not to worry about his cheating, because he loves me!
Q. My boyfriend is cheating and anytime I talk about it,he goes like..he knows he is doing the wrong thing but the fact that he loves me should be enough reason for me not to worry....does he really loves me,if he does why would he cheats...am soo ...
A. 14 December 2012: He does not love you enough. He may not really love you at all.
He loves himself more than anyone.
I would call it quits.
Tell him the way he loves you is not good enough. You deserve better.... (read in full...)
What goes through a man's mind when he watches porn?
Q. Can some actually explain to us women what happens when watching porn? Does it make the man feel like he is having sex with the woman on the screen? Apparently I am told they are not watching it to pretend they are the man in the video. I am ...
A. 14 December 2012: FWIW, I am a woman in my 50s and I agree with Cerberus on the porn issue (and most other issues) as well.
I'm not insulted when my hubby looks at other women. Porn or otherwise....
He's not insulted when I look at other men or women (I'm a non... (read in full...)
Am I right or wrong for wanting for being upset over him winding me up over the fact that I've loaned him money?
Q. just a minor issue really.. just want to know if im right or wrong... just leant my boyfriend £1000 towards a deposit on a new flat for him.. dont want to move in with him and have no probs with him paying me back at all.. just when I txt him to ...
A. 14 December 2012: you just gave him this large sum?
no note?
no contract to repay?
I hope you are prepared to kiss this money goodbye.
He needed to say thank you and be overly grateful and say "I will start to repay you on XX/xx/xx. I could never be a... (read in full...)
Do I pursue my sex life and lie to my friend?
Q. I have a friend who has been there for me more than anyone else in the world and she is in love with me but i'm not in love with her even though i care deeply. I cannot imagine losing her. She says she will take just my friendship but s...
A. 14 December 2012: This is a problem. She is a friend in your eyes and nothing more. She wants more. She figures she can bully you into being more. Let her leave. I know for a while you will miss her but you do yourself and her no favors in pretending that this ... (read in full...)
I had a vasectomy 4 years ago...so why was my wife was taking birth control pills?
Q. Quick question for any women out there. I am married for 12 years, 3 kids, no "issues" per se. I’m a good dad, provider, etc. My wife is a good mom, hard worker and loves me. We went through a period though about 2-3 years ago for around 12 ...
A. 14 December 2012: It could be the reason. If she's peri-menopausal her periods could be heavier without the hormones provided by birth control pills. IT also helps to regulate their frequency.
I have a very good friend who had her tubes tied. she divorced... (read in full...)
I've been too easy. Is it time to use the "hard to get" method?
Q. Hi everyone. On Wednesday i got with a guy at a halloween party and (drunkenly) let him finger me. I don't usually act like this but i liked the guy and to be honest was a bit drunk. The next day he invited me to a party last night where we got ...
A. 14 December 2012: Dear OP,
I'm probably older than your mother and my "sex days" as you call it are so far from over it's not funny.
As for "it's what we do at parties" it's what YOU do at parties. It's not what everyone does at parties. I admit t... (read in full...)
I just found out a girl I really like has a boyfriend. Should I still attempt to get to know her?
Q. First, just a short question, should I feel sorry for flirting with her a little bit before I knew she's already seeing someone? She was really nice about everything towards me. Anyway, I asked this girl I like for her number, but she said tha...
A. 13 December 2012: You have no need to feel bad for flirting with her. I’m very happily married and I’m a huge flirt… does not mean I’m cheating on my husband or even considering leaving him. I just like to flirt.
We’re taken not dead.
You asked for her number a... (read in full...)
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