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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Why doesn't my boyfriend let me touch him?
Q. I don't understand, but my boyfriend will touch me anywhere,(lying on my bed with clothes on!) but when I try to touch him, he moves my hand. I've mentioned it a couple of times: why don't you let me touch you and he says that he will "but not yet " ...
A. 21 December 2012: Oh please I lost my virginity at 14 do you think I don't know how you feel?
since you clarified that you want to know if it's NORMAL for him to touch you as you want him to but not let you touch him the way you want or he wants?
I'm ... (read in full...)
Why doesn't my boyfriend let me touch him?
Q. I don't understand, but my boyfriend will touch me anywhere,(lying on my bed with clothes on!) but when I try to touch him, he moves my hand. I've mentioned it a couple of times: why don't you let me touch you and he says that he will "but not yet " ...
A. 21 December 2012: are you LETTING him do things to you or do you WANT him to do things to you?
big difference.
don't let him do things you don't want.... (read in full...)
Seven months since a guy dumped me. Any strategies to get me over this tough time, please?
Q. I was in a relationship with another guy for 7 years. It appeared to be perfect, however obviously not for him. He told me he wanted to be alone and 'find himself'. Within two months he started a relationship with another guy and seems to have mov...
A. 21 December 2012: Well mourning a loss of 7 years commitment in 7 months may not be enough time and it's certainly not if you are still in contact.
You must sever all contact with the ex. Block phone numbers, block email, block social media.
snail mail is... (read in full...)
Two boyfriends... who do I keep?
Q. I am 18, i have two boyfriends, i met one when i was 17 and was not really happy with him because he is a kind of introvert, my kind of person, but the other guy which i met recently gives me great happiness, he is a darling but not so caring. i was ...
A. 21 December 2012: you can't keep both of them UNLESS BOTH of them agree to you having two boyfriends. I doubt they will.
It sounds to me like neither one is 100% what you want.
maybe it would be best to let both of them go and find one that meets all your ... (read in full...)
Taking a break, help?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year. Due to some things that have happened in 2012 (stress, people like our parents interfering, jobs, deaths in my family, and life in general), he has decided that we are going to take a break, ...
A. 21 December 2012: Based on your age you should listen to your grandmother...
things will work out the way they are supposed to.
you are quite young and have many many relationships ahead of you...
... (read in full...)
Why are married men drawn to me?
Q. I really have the hots for this guy that works at my place of business but he is married well actually the both of us are really feeling each other. I know this is wrong but why does this happen to me? it's seems like I attract men that are taken an...
A. 21 December 2012: YOU have the hots for him... he picked up on that and is feeding off of it. you don't have to offer sex or make a pass they will sense it... like an animal on the hunt can sense fear and use it to their advantage....
you say why does this hap... (read in full...)
Should I lose my virginity to a prostitute?
Q. I have been single for years I cant seem to meet women interested in me. Women I have dated all dumped me for other people , they all say I am a "lovely guy" but they always see, to go for arrogant pretty boys who usually treat them like crap.Every ...
A. 21 December 2012: I would not recommend it.
Many women would find it disconcerting that you paid for sex.
I agree that there are plenty of options for free sex hook ups
websites such as OK CUPID or Plenty of FISH are out there and many of the folks ... (read in full...)
I've got a crush on my brother in law and he's got bad taste in women...
Q. hi, i think my brother in law got a crush on me. before i used to hate him for things he had done and trying to come between me and my husband. now all of a sudden he is being nice to me. we never used to talk but now he is holding conversation with ...
A. 21 December 2012: maybe he's being nice to you because it's the holiday season and it's good for the family.
whatever YOU do, do not have an affair of any kind (physical or emotional) with your BIL.
fantasy is fine... it's in your head... and that's O... (read in full...)
Why doesn't my boyfriend let me touch him?
Q. I don't understand, but my boyfriend will touch me anywhere,(lying on my bed with clothes on!) but when I try to touch him, he moves my hand. I've mentioned it a couple of times: why don't you let me touch you and he says that he will "but not yet " ...
A. 21 December 2012: He's said NO and that's not a reflection on YOU, but you must respect his boundaries.
he's not ready.
and to be honest honey for a boy it's NOT harmless petting... he will get aroused and he may want to do things that neither of you ... (read in full...)
My long distance boyfriend says maybe we can be together next year
Q. hi, ive been with my partner for three years, and earlier this year we lived together for six months, however due to finance and issues we had to but a ldr. but we have stayed together during everything. however after three years of waiting for...
A. 21 December 2012: you lived together already.... you've been together for three years... (I always like to recap to make sure I'm getting the story right)
now you are LDR.
for adults (and you are an adult) I truly think that by three years you know what yo... (read in full...)
The Classic Love Triangle
Q. Compared to some of the other situations I have read about on here this may sound trivial, but I feel the need to get an outsider's understanding on the situation. Recently I started hanging out with a new group of friends. One of my friends intro...
A. 21 December 2012: i guess it depends on if the girl is interested in you or not...
see this is why I think that roommates/flatmates should always be same sex... it just gets too complicated.
this guy is not a friend... he warned you off a girl he lik... (read in full...)
Old crush from high school contacts you after 3 years. How do you react?
Q. I want to contact an old crush. We both had crushes on eachother but we were both very shy. I was a nervous wreck around her so nothing happened. I've regretted it ever since. I still think about her from time to time. I haven't had any crushes ...
A. 21 December 2012: go for it...
Be prepared for her to blow you off... she may have moved on with her life...
on the other hand, she may be wishing you would get in touch...
how do you plan to get in touch with her?... (read in full...)
I'm second guessing my decision to leave my cheating husband
Q. Hi. I've just separated after being with this guy since I was a teenager. Now in my 30s with 2 kids he's all I ever knew. He claimed cheated on me and when i said im leaving, he claimed to be gutted, said he was seeing a counsellor, and taking a...
A. 21 December 2012: your not thinking right due to loneliness and fear.
he cheated on you
he's emotionally and physically abused you
is this a relationship you want your kids to use as a model for a happy marriage? I doubt it.
Everyone makes mistakes... ... (read in full...)
I made a mistake and told my long distance love some negative things out of emotion and too much wine! I'm visiting him now and want him to give us a chance!
Q. i made a mistake by telling my long disatnce love negative things out of emotion (and too much wine) that led him to believe we broke up. i am here with him now and the day after i arrived we discussed it more clearly. he said after i said those ...
A. 21 December 2012: well when do you plan to end the distance? if you had plans to end the distance then I think you should apologize and let him know you want to make it work...
how long have you been together...
so many things to address with an LDR....... (read in full...)
If I end things with my boyfriend, would anything happen between my colleague and I? We have slept together before but I'm not sure if he has feelings for me?
Q. Hey guys I'm in an awful mess. Try not to judge me to hard please! I've been living with my bf for about 6 months, we've been together a year before that. 7 or 8 months ago we started to develop problems in our relationship, arguments about ...
A. 21 December 2012: I agree with person12345
regardless of if there is someone waiting in the wings, (and to be honest that's not a good reason to leave a relationship but it's something that makes it easier--knowing others find you attractive and you won't be alo... (read in full...)
How do I get my boyfriend to show me the attention I need?
Q. well i just started my relation three months ago but it seems something is missing. my boyfrend is a bit different then others. he is less expressive. he never gets angry, talks to me very cutely and bla bla but when i expect a good morning or ...
A. 21 December 2012: you can't make him what he's not... his true nature is showing now at three months... he's not one to call you or romance you...
since you can't make him want you want or need it's probably best to move on.... (read in full...)
What are me and my daughter entitled to if we divorce?
Q. im a full time housewife with a 4 year old daughter,my husband is working abroad in kuwait for 4 years..every year he makes it a point to have a vacation here with us for a month. on the second year i found out that he was having an affair with ...
A. 21 December 2012: you need to consult a divorce attorney where you live to get the legal rights available to you.... (read in full...)
If he lost interest, why is looking at my Facebook pics?
Q. A guy I have been seeing has stopped contacting me. I don't know what happened but it started after relationship got physical even though that was great so I know it's not a lack of chemistry there. . I'm not looking for a "u gotta hold out longer" ...
A. 21 December 2012: The only person that told you he still might like you is the only person you wanted to hear..
I look at pictures of ex partners all the time and i might even like them but it does not mean I want them back.
I sense you want that ego stroke... (read in full...)
I'm an uncircumcised virgin. My penis swells after masturbation and it has me a little concerned.
Q. Okay I have a little problem and it's kind of embarrassing. But ever since I could, whenever I masturbate my penis gets all swollen afterwards. I don't know why it does this. It's not like I do it a lot, I don't. And I don't do it too rough either. ...
A. 21 December 2012: Medical questions are best taken up with your doctor.... (read in full...)
Sly comments, put downs and he doesn't seem to care unless he needs my help.Can this friendship become more satisfying and positive? How?
Q. There is this guy who I have known for quite a while at first he saw me as potential. But things began to change he didn't find me attractive nor his type an he kept stating we're "friends" I was cool about it. We instantly became best friends...
A. 21 December 2012: you are just friends because that's all he wants and you are willing to accept his crumbs. YOU want more and I'm sure he picks up on that... but he doesn't want more so he treats you badly... because he does not care.
You just keep putting ... (read in full...)
My wife cheated on me with another woman. How can I attempt to start working out our marriage issues together?
Q. I have been away from my wife for 3 years now. we were together for 10 great years i thought. She had two kids before i met her, then we had a child to together. We had rough times here and there. From when we lost the house in a flood to losing...
A. 21 December 2012: If she always felt she was gay and now is acting on it, then your marriage is over.
My aunt was married for many years and finally realized that to be true to herself she had to accept that she was a lesbian. She told her husband and while th... (read in full...)
I need help understanding what hes wanting...or why he's acting like this.
Q. So my ex and I broke up a little over a month ago. He said that he just didn't have "time." But stil liked me..even said he "loved" me as a gf but didn't want a relationship. Of course I was hurt but we agreed to be friends. We continued texting for ...
A. 21 December 2012: He doesn't want a relationship but he doesn't want to end the friendship because he like many young folks sees this as a failure.
He may still care for you but if he says he does not want a relationship BELIEVE him and don't try to see feelings... (read in full...)
Why has he changed since we started living together? We don't have sex and he says I'm no longer beautiful.
Q. What makes a person to change when you have just stayed together a month when you have dated for years? My friend has changed a lot and no longer makes love to me and now he even told me that I'm no longer beautiful the way I was when we met. W...
A. 21 December 2012: Didn't you post the other day that he said you were old too?
sounds like he moved you in and changed his mind and wants you to do the dirty work of leaving.... (read in full...)
Do you think he could even be interested in me, and if he were to be, would it be possible for us to be together?
Q. Hi all, thanks in advance for reading. I’m sorry this is really long I just want you to get a real sense of what’s going on here! OK here’s the deal. There is this guy who recently moved to my area. He is about 2.5 years older than me, which i...
A. 21 December 2012: You relax, you be yourself and you don't try to make it more than it can possibly be with you going off to school next year.... (read in full...)
He won't make it official
Q. i have been on a few dates with this guy. we had something before the summer and also just about 2 months ago however this did not work out because of my parents. me and him have had sexual intercourse and like each other very much, however he...
A. 21 December 2012: you are being used.
he's not a nice person and he's using you
stop having sex with him.
stop calling him or emailing or texting him.
... (read in full...)
He doesn't want to get married anymore and he says he meant his proposal "at the time"
Q. I will try and keep this brief...... My boyfriend ask me to marry him over a year ago, however whenever i try to talk about the wedding he says that he doesn't want to get married and he meant the proposal " at the time"!! He has met all my...
A. 21 December 2012: I"m not a male but I think you have a broken engagement.
Be happy he told you before he married you rather than ask for a divorce two or three years later.
In other words he's changed his mind and does not want to marry you.... (read in full...)
I am worried about his drinking, and how he'll react about his son's birthday and what he'll do when he'd drunk!
Q. It's the anniversary of when i started seeing my boyfriend tomorrow. We have been together for a year. He is much older than me, and has bipolar disorder. I'm really worried though. He got drunk yesterday, a nd is out drinking again today, and i'm ...
A. 21 December 2012: Sounds like he's a binge drinker. If he is out of control when he drinks, then you should consider seeking support such as Al-Anon and decide if you want to put up with his behavior any longer.
Also the points Daisy_Daisy makes are very goo... (read in full...)
I'm confused and in love. What should I do considering my wife's attitude to our marriage?
Q. What is the true meaning of marriage? My wife wants us to remain married, but i cant have sex with her. I can touch her, but i can only get a kiss from her every once in a while. She left my for her lover and now is single and not dating. She ...
A. 21 December 2012: who cares what she wants.
I agree what you should do is get a divorce.
AuntyEm is right!... (read in full...)
I admitted I was bi-curious, now she wants to date me...But I prefer men!
Q. I'm in trouble. One of my closer girlfriends would like to date me but I don't think I should date her at all. I admitted that I was bi-curious but honestly, I've never acted on it and I don't believe that it changes that much about me. After she ...
A. 20 December 2012: I know EXACTLY how you feel. I am bi but I prefer to have relationships with men and have "fun and games" with women....
tell her you care for her deeply as a friend but you do not want to lead her on to think that you want more than close f... (read in full...)
I can't get past the fact that my husband had lap dances from strippers before we were married.
Q. I have known my husband for abt 10 yrs now, married for 6 and we both are very happy, committed and loving to each other, expecting our first baby now. But just the other day, I was talking of pregnancy stretch marks and he goes - dont worry ho...
A. 20 December 2012: for the most part when a guy gets a lap dance here
a. he has to sit on his hands.. he can't touch
b. she has clothes on
c. HE has clothes on
if he had 6-8 lap dances and you had 3-4 flings... (SEX with other people) how in the world... (read in full...)
I want to leave my cheating husband, but need to straighten out some financial matters first. How can I cope with this in the mean time?
Q. I am married with 3 children. The youngest is 9 months old and the oldest is 3 1/2. My husband is contacting women on Craigslist and emailing them with the intent of having sex with them while he is at work. He has sent pictures of his genitals and ...
A. 20 December 2012: have you spoken to an attorney yet?
do you have family that you can stay with?
does he know he's being left?
when my first husband and I decided to divorce he moved into the spare room and we lived that way for a few months... then he ... (read in full...)
A boy is going to ask me out on a date, but my parents don't want me to date till I'm 16. Should I lie to them?
Q. So I am 14 and will be 15 in about 2 months, anyways there is this guy I really like and he is going to ask me out on Friday (my friends ruined the suprise) I am really happy about this but the thing is I would have to hide the relationship from my ...
A. 20 December 2012: is he 15/16? if so you either say no I am not allowed or you are friends and let your folks know about him. Say to them that you like him as more than a friend and would date him if they would permit it after they get to know him.
LYING to... (read in full...)
Please help me, clliquey work colleagues and I'm older, help?!
Q. Whats the best way to work with cliquey work colleagues? Hospital environment, not an office.. Most (not all) younger and will say hi but chit chat/laugh etc with each other and almost ignore you? You try to talk to them, but they often the...
A. 20 December 2012: Late 30s... so let's say 38
early 20s so let's say 23 so the gap is a whopping 15 years. heck my husband is 13 years younger than I am. One my my best friends is 20 years younger than I am.
You and the co-workers have a lot in common with ... (read in full...)
I have a beautiful friend, and I'm jealous to the point where I don't want to hang out with her in places where she draws a lot of attention.
Q. I have a dilemma. I have this friend, a girl, who I know for the past 5 years. She is very sweet, and we are not that terribly close, but we see each other we really enjoy each other company. The thing that about 9 months ago she broke up ...
A. 20 December 2012: "It doesn't matter how old or how involved we are it's always nice to have a feeling that you are beatifull(sic). And with my friend it's very hard to feel like this."
OP, yes it does matter how old we are. I'm 52 and when I get attention no... (read in full...)
Is keeping a memory box lame and depressing? My friends comment upset me!
Q. I just wanted to get another opinion on this as my friends comment I thought was rude and didn't make sense... Basically, in my room at university I put in this wristband someone gave me the night before from an epic night out in this box. She as...
A. 20 December 2012: I am 52 and I have tons of stuff. My favorite things are my journals from when I was 12-14.... no wonder i can related to all the kids here...
your friend was rude. and I think she's jealous too.
BTW best advice: you will think you will ... (read in full...)
I think my live in boyfriend of 2.5 years has feelings for his co-worker
Q. I think my boyfriend has feelings for a coworker and it's making me feel really insecure. We've lived together for 2.5 years now and talk about getting married. We have an odd relationship because we have very little in common. This coworker is...
A. 20 December 2012: So the fact that they flirt, eat lunch and have sexual tension but he does nothing about it bothers you?
How does this impact on your home life? Is he distant from you, non-sexual with you? snappy with you? talking about her 24/7? H... (read in full...)
I want more then just "friends with benefits"
Q. I've been seeing this guy over the past 11 weeks at university, who happens also to be my flatmate. After breaking up for the holidays, it came up in conversation that I liked him and was interested in more, but he made it clear he wanted to stay as ...
A. 20 December 2012: OP said:
“he gave the impression of “more” but insists he doesn’t want a relationship”
And I will explain why in this case we need to listen to his words not his actions (and when a man says “I love you” but doesn’t show it we tell you to liste... (read in full...)
How do I approach girls for friendship?
Q. I have a problem of approaching girls for friendship, please what should i do?...
A. 20 December 2012: How do you approach boys for friendship? Its' the same thing.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend was angry that I was ill and didn't want sex so he left late and left my door unlocked all night!
Q. Dear Cupid, I've been in an exclusive relationship for over 2 1/2 years we are both middle aged, and live in our separate homes, but we spend almost every night together. Last night my boyfriend comes over later than normal because he had a...
A. 20 December 2012: To JustHelpinAgain,
You said: “but I think sexual rejection is reserved mostly for women (or maybe I am just a man speaking)”
Yes dear you are just a man speaking. I get rejected at least weekly. Thankfully he’s hugging and kissing me and a... (read in full...)
My boyfriend was angry that I was ill and didn't want sex so he left late and left my door unlocked all night!
Q. Dear Cupid, I've been in an exclusive relationship for over 2 1/2 years we are both middle aged, and live in our separate homes, but we spend almost every night together. Last night my boyfriend comes over later than normal because he had a...
A. 20 December 2012: what else besides see each other every night for sex do you do together? IF nothing much (stay home and watch tv does not really count either) then I agree with person12345 that you are not a gf but are more of a FWB with this man who is clearly ... (read in full...)
Old crush from highschool poked me on Facebook?
Q. A guy I had a big crush on in high school just poked me on Facebook. I haven't seen him for 2 and a half years since I left my hometown for college. In high school we were always staring at each other but we only spoke a few times. We were both ...
A. 19 December 2012: it's just his way of saying HI
it doesn't mean anything creepy or sinister... I have some friends I poke daily... NBD in my book.... (read in full...)
She wants to fool around, so she broke up with me! What does that mean?
Q. Hi I am 17 and my girlfriend is 14 and we are both in high school. She is my first girlfriend and I am her first boyfriend. She recently broke up with me, although we still talk and act like bf/gf because she doesn't want a serious relationship yet. ...
A. 19 December 2012: She's a CHILD of 14. she may menstruate like a woman and have breasts like a woman but she's still very much a child at 14.
You don' love her and she does not love you, you guys may think you do but you really don't have a clue yet...
Her n... (read in full...)
Me loving her right now isn't important, saving the friendship is!
Q. There is this girl who I have known for several months now and we instantly became best friends. I don't want to go into details on how we met but ever since she stepped into my life she made me a very happy person again after being treated badly by ...
A. 19 December 2012: you can't be friends with her. You love her and want more. She does not. trying to be friends with her will only cause you more pain.
IF you truly love her you want what makes her happy no matter what. What will make her happy is if you leave... (read in full...)
I think my live in boyfriend of 2.5 years has feelings for his co-worker
Q. I think my boyfriend has feelings for a coworker and it's making me feel really insecure. We've lived together for 2.5 years now and talk about getting married. We have an odd relationship because we have very little in common. This coworker is...
A. 19 December 2012: Kudos to him for telling you the truth.
He has what I lovingly call "a work wife" His best opposite sex co-worker. I have had my share, they in no way threaten my relationship or my home.
I can find someone attractive and admit tha... (read in full...)
Do you think he could even be interested in me, and if he were to be, would it be possible for us to be together?
Q. Hi all, thanks in advance for reading. I’m sorry this is really long I just want you to get a real sense of what’s going on here! OK here’s the deal. There is this guy who recently moved to my area. He is about 2.5 years older than me, which i...
A. 13 December 2012: You have a mad crush. aren't they fun?
Listen to me. You really DON'T want to get involved at this point with him. Because in a year you will be away at college and you will meet all kinds of new folks and not be around him so much and he w... (read in full...)
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