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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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My bf wants pics of me should I send them?
Q. Hi Recently my bf asked me to send pics of myself in underwear I love him and trust him and I want to do it... its not I don't feel comfortable with it and he said if I don't want to do it its fine but I don't want him thinking I am some kind...
A. 11 December 2012: EVEN if you give him printed copies of the pictures you still are giving compromising pictures of yourself to someone that is NOT under your control 24/7.
I don't think you are stupid. I do think you are young and naive about the ways of angr... (read in full...)
Should I allow my boyfriend to do something sexually that I'm not comfortable with?
Q. My boyfriend of over a year keeps asking me to let him cum on my face... We've done literally everything else and I feel he should be happy with all the stuff we do. He just won't leave me alone about it. I think I would feel really disgusting and ...
A. 11 December 2012: I've had it done to me. I don't get it. I don't like it and I think that if I truly loved the man I was with now, I might let him try it once, but I would make sure he knew it was what HE wanted and it was not about what I WANTED and it did NOTHING ... (read in full...)
I want to find out if he likes me.. but I don't know what to say
Q. i just told this guy i like him but all he replied with is 'haha you must be crazy!' but he says he still likes one of my friends but he doesnt know why.. i want to find out if he likes me.. but i dont know what to say... What would you recommend i ...
A. 11 December 2012: You already were brave and stuck your neck out and told him you like him.
his comment "you must be crazy" is clearly his way of saying he's not interested in you the way you want him to be. He likes one of your friends....
if he liked y... (read in full...)
Why would he keep these intimate pics of his exes?
Q. Hi I have been with my partner for 3 years now. About 2 years ago I came across semi naked and naked pics of a couple of his ex girlfriends, he did get rid of them. Then I found more on his pc which he said he didnt realise they were there and has ...
A. 11 December 2012: "I came across semi naked and naked pics of a couple of his ex girlfriends,"
then:
" I found more on his pc"
" Now I have come across a cd"
I have to ask
since you have "come across" these and he didn't even realize they were the... (read in full...)
My 25 year old boyfriend acts like a teenager. Will her grow out of it?
Q. My problem is that my 25 year old boyfriend acts like a teenager at times. He is still very influenced by what his friends think, and because of that he often does things to fit in with them. He is often the drunkest guy on a night out because he ...
A. 11 December 2012: probably not... it may be that he doesn't like the theater so he uses his friends as an excuse... but that's not cool either.
maybe you two are just in different places in your lives or maybe he's as mature as he's going to get.
I know ... (read in full...)
I don't know if my boyfriend of 6 years wants to marry me or not
Q. Hello All, I am dealing with a HUGE dilemma...and I need your help!! My boyfriend and I have been together almost 6 years, we met in college. We are both almost 26. He just graduated Law School last year and hates being a lawyer, so he says he ...
A. 11 December 2012: Ya know women want equal pay, women want equal treatment.
YOU want to get married. So propose. ASK HIM... take him out to dinner get on one knee in public and say "I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you will you marry me... (read in full...)
My FWB says that he's not cheating on his girlfriend with me because apparently I'm not a service , I'm just a girl who he likes in lust
Q. I am 19 years of age and now is in an affair with a man who is 29 who has a girlfriend he has been dating for 8 years. He says shes his best friend, with her he has a so called life , clean clothes to wear. But he is unsure if he wants/or is going ...
A. 11 December 2012: N91...broke the Margin.. shame on you (j/k) [mod note: margin issue fixed :) ] to the OP, honey no matter how you frame it to try to make yourself feel better, the man is a liar and a cheat. and he's using you and cheating on his gf with ... (read in full...)
Is it possible to have feelings for this guy knowing he is in a relationship ?
Q. Hello all I was just thinking of this guy that I have been knowing for two months already and we talk to one another from time to time but he is in a relationship. I like him but I am not a home wrecker. Could I be attracted to this guy knowing he i...
A. 11 December 2012: Of course it's possible to be attracted to someone in a relationship. It's also possible to be attracted to someone when you are in a relationship with someone else.
We are higher level mammals however, and therefore we are in total control ... (read in full...)
My older husband says he is too tired to have sex
Q. Iam 33 years old and am married to a 65yr old man.My problem is he's very restrictive,won't let me go any where.I like clubbing but he won't let me go and when I tell him to go with me he says he doesn't want and that kills me.Two, we can only do ...
A. 10 December 2012: Do not stay with someone just because you have a child with them.
I agree with SAGEOLDGUY that kids are very adaptable.
You want different things than your hubby does.
You want sex more frequently... do you ask at different times of the da... (read in full...)
I'm losing my best friend and I don't know why!
Q. I think I'm losing my best friend. We have been friends for 12 years, but lately we've been really strained. I moved hours away, and we hardly ever talk anymore. I had to come back for immediate eye surgery which I told her about and she calls me ...
A. 10 December 2012: sadly as we grow and mature we often outgrow our friends.
it happens... there is not much we can do about it.
at 14 my best friend was S. by 26 I had two kids and an ex husband and S and I had very little in common, we did not talk for 20 ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend uses porn to "practice". Should I be concerned?
Q. Me and my bf have been together for a little over a year. He occasionally watches porn when im not around. we dont live together...and only see each other about once a week. hes always honest, caring and loving and we have a great relationship. we ...
A. 10 December 2012: Porn is to "rub one out" as my hubby calls it...
there is NOTHING real life about porn... it's so fake.
we watched some soft core porn on "skin-a-max" saturday night and we laughed ourselves to sleep... it's so NOT real life...
his wat... (read in full...)
What is your position on living together before marriage?
Q. Hello dear Aunts :) and uncles :) What is your position on living together before marriage? Before engagement? What do you think the pros and cons are to each scenario? Some say that while living together, the man gains everything, while the ...
A. 10 December 2012: My father is living with someone. They will never marry but she's as much my stepmom as anyone will ever be so I call her QSM (quasi-stepmom) and we all love it. They wanted the companionship without the financial legal entitlements.
For s... (read in full...)
Why did my ex say all that he did?
Q. I bumped into my ex in a pub yesterday. He told me that he had seen me in another pub earlier that day, as he was walking past the pub at the time, but when he went in that pub later on, i had left. I was surprised that he noticed that i had left. ...
A. 10 December 2012: he sees you as a toy he can play with.
he had a laundry list of things you did or said wrong
he criticized you, he disregarded your feelings (you said no to t drink he decided he knew better and got you one anyway)
he's a total loser.
... (read in full...)
What's an emotional affair? Am I having one?
Q. Hi! I'm a single guy. And I was told that I'm having an affair with a married woman. It's not what you think were NOT sleeping together. We dated when we were younger, we lost contact after high school and have reunited about a year ago. A female ...
A. 10 December 2012: Very much an emotional affair.
YouWish has great points.
and the racy pictures even with funny captions... not what friends do.
do you see her hubby? does he know about you? NO? AFFAIR.
her dirty little secret...
folks think ... (read in full...)
I thought it all went great....then why hasn't he called?
Q. I met a guy n have him my number. He called talked on the phone daily. We finally got up yesterday. For 6 hrs. He told me he was having a great time. He even came inside for a drink. We kissed he ttotally was liking our make out. He hasnt called n ...
A. 10 December 2012: He didn't call the next day... some men don't.
you called.
the ball is now in his court. he may call. he may not.
it's a busy time of year and some men will wait a few days after a first date to call so as to not appear overly anxiou... (read in full...)
Something feels off - should I trust him?
Q. hi, everyone, just sumthing im worried about but in a way not that worried... about just over to yrs ago i met a guy off plenty of fish the dating website, and kinda just hit it off from texting and ringing anyway last early december we finall...
A. 10 December 2012: To clarify… you met a guy on POF. Fine.
You got pregnant by a DIFFERENT GUY and had a lovely baby girl (congrats) that this guy feels parental towards (that would work fine IF the other issues go away)
In May 2012 this guy that you met on POF who ... (read in full...)
Is this a trust issue for me? Or should I just accept and trust that he is just friends with her??
Q. I have been in a relationship with a guy who lives an hour away for almost 4 months now..and for the last month or so we have been getting in fights every week. sometimes a couple times a week. The main problem is that I have had trust issues...
A. 10 December 2012: I agree with YOUWISH... he's on facebook meeting girls
taking them out to dinner and being taken home to meet mommy and daddy...
and he says "trust me" I NEVER trust a man who says "Trust me"
... (read in full...)
My boyfriend was never really there for me, he lied to me and gave me reasons to doubt him and now I think I'm in love with his friend
Q. Am 20 and my boyfriend is 26. We've been together for 1 year. He was my first sexually. sure we do have our issues but we make sure its resolved by the end of the day. just about 3 months in the relationship, he confessed that he does have a 4 year ...
A. 10 December 2012: so you are dating a guy that is engaged to another woman.
who is not going to admit to anyone he's dating you including a man that wants to see you...
I would dump the cheating lying boyfriend.
I would also tread very carefully with hi... (read in full...)
If he knows I love my partner and my child then why did my ex NOW reveal that he loves me?
Q. i was seein a guy for a few weeks and started to fall for him, when things started to get serious he backed out. We then had a sexual relationship on and off for the best part of a year then i moved on and found my current boyfriend whom ive been...
A. 10 December 2012: agree with Cindy that he’s not really an ex. He’s not an ex-boyfriend… he’s an ex fuck buddy…
I sense that it’s SAFE for him to say “I love you” now because he knows you are committed and won’t break up your family. So now he can look “good”
... (read in full...)
He plans to leave me and our son.
Q. I don't know what to do, my boyfriend has come home from work today and told me that he is moving back to his home city without me and his son Fastforward we have been through a lot he cheated I took him back and we had our son he moved here to be...
A. 10 December 2012: He gave his new job 5 days? oy.
He so does not want to be with you and your son. He's not even trying.
it's really NOT about you but rather about his lack of maturity and commitment to adult things in life.
I agree with Aunty BimBim, pack ... (read in full...)
My husband doesn't sleep in the same bed with me. Should I get divorced?
Q. I married since 1994. After four years later, we have first child my husband did not want to sleep with me on the same bed, because I breast feeding. But after my child turn one he still did not want to sleep together. However, sometime he came to ...
A. 10 December 2012: Children don't suffer from parents being divorced. Children suffer from parents being unhappy.
So before we worry about the children suffering, let's worry about the mommy and daddy.
Sleeping in separate beds may or may not be a problem. S... (read in full...)
We've only been married six weeks and my husband wants a divorce
Q. Hello Im in a big family trouble now. And I wish I could get some advice from here. ( I dont know hot to begin this question ...) Me and my husband we have knew each other more than a year then we got married 6 weeks ago. And yesterday he t...
A. 10 December 2012: I agree if after 6 weeks he's looking for other women and wants a divorce then the best thing to do is let him file for a divorce or check and see if you can actually even get an annulment... then it would be like you were never married... the ... (read in full...)
I really don't want to let this guy get away ...
Q. I met this boy a few months ago and I've had a huge crush on him for a while. His girlfriend broke up with him around then too so he's not looking for a serious relationship. Anyway, we've hooked up twice so far (we kissed a lot and slept together ...
A. 10 December 2012: YOU can't hold on to something you don't have.
He told you he led you on, he made it clear that he was just lonely and bored and you were a space and time filler nothing more.
You have a crush and they are overwhelming and then you get... (read in full...)
She accused me of cheating, but she's on a dating site?
Q. I have had to constantly re-assure my girlfriend since day one. I have put up with allegations that I am cheating or will end up cheating on her. I am often accused of finding others attractive when we are out. Despite this, I have tried to ...
A. 10 December 2012: often folks will accuse people of doing exactly what it is they are doing.... they believe if they can do it anyone can.
when caught they get angry and try to make it your fault.
It's not your fault.
She probably has low self-esteem and... (read in full...)
Over my head or out of my league?
Q. Here's my question: Is it ever appropriate between a first and second date (which I asked for) to ask the other person if they've met someone new? She has already rescheduled the second date from a Saturday night to a Tuesday night, and her ...
A. 10 December 2012: I agree with Honeypie.
You have had ONE date.
it's a second date...
you DATE to find someone to be EXCLUSIVE with... so perhaps there is another guy or perhaps something came up.
she rescheduled within the same week so that to me is a... (read in full...)
Am I responsible for my B/f sleeping around? Did I drive him to do it?
Q. I am 24 and my boyfriend is also 24. We have been together for four years on and off after meeting while working in the same bar. I was at uni at the time and after i became pregnant, i left my final year with the hope of going back to university ...
A. 10 December 2012: I agree that there is NOTHING you did to make him cheat. IT’s not partly your fault. It’s not your fault in any way shape or form.
I am sorry to hear that you slapped him. That was not a good thing and you do owe him a huge apology for that... (read in full...)
My B/f snores at night and I cant sleep!
Q. Does anyone have any advice for my situation? I have been with my boyfriend only a few months. I am 23 he is 27.His an amazing guy and we get along like a house on fire. My problem is, he snores at night and i cant sleep! His a bit overweight a...
A. 10 December 2012: I snore
so does my hubby now...
I try to fall asleep before him. when one of us snores we tend to make them roll over...
Does he snore on his back only? if so make him roll over... if it's on his side or his belly too... yes a worku... (read in full...)
How can I get my girlfriend to be more accepting of my cannabis use? She's gone from being a nice loving woman to a total nag!
Q. I am 28 and have been with my girlfriend for 4 years. I recently made new friends and they have introduced me to smoking cannabis again. This is something I have not done since I was about 18. My girlfriend hates it though and has gone from a nice ...
A. 10 December 2012: IF you are going to break the law (and it’s federally illegal and illegal in most states) to smoke cannabis, you can’t expect your partner to accept it.
You were not a user when you guys became a couple, so clearly that was what she wanted. ... (read in full...)
What can I do about my hairy butt? Because I'm worried my Gf will be grossed out by it.
Q. My gf wants to do things to my butt. but i am really conscious because its hairy. What do i do , I dont want to stop her from doing it because it'll be embarassing, but it will be even more embarassing if she gets grossed out when she actually sees...
A. 10 December 2012: I love my husband's furry butt... it's so cute...
Men are supposed to be furry... chest, arms, thighs, legs, faces... butts too... on the cheeks and in the crack... (women are too but some of us wax that off)
has your gf not seen your bu... (read in full...)
Weed seems more important to him than our relationship
Q. My boyfriend of 3 years has started smoking weed regularly and I hate it. He has become secretive, lazy and snappy with me since he started, and only seems interested in getting stoned these days. I have told him I don't like it (I have my own ...
A. 10 December 2012: You were with him 3 years ago when he did not smoke weed.
You do not have to accept him as a pot smoker if he was not one when you started.
You have to end the relationship if he wont' stop.
It's the only thing that will work if you ... (read in full...)
What would be the perfect Christmas gift for her?
Q. hey ladies, if i were your boyfriend and were to spend christmas together what would you like to receive as a gift within a 350 dls budget? a gadget? jewlery? i want to give her something nice, to cause a good impression and she would remember me. ...
A. 10 December 2012: does she have a tablet like a Kindle or an IPAD? I love my kindle.
if you are very serious about her then a ring... if you haven't gotten her one yet....
... (read in full...)
Do most couples start having sex at 18?
Q. When couples turn 18 in highschool do they usually have sex? whether they already were or start to. ...
A. 10 December 2012: It really doesn't matter what OTHER couples do. What matters is what YOU want to do with your partner.
IF at 18 you and your partner BOTH want to have sex then go for it.
IF either if you does not, then it's not time.
... (read in full...)
Is he genuine? Every time he's 'going to leave her' something comes up. How do get more strength to cope with him?
Q. First of all I know im an idiot for getting myself in this situation and I do regret it more than you could know which is why I could do with some advice. I had feelings for a guy that I've known for a year and stupidly let him kiss me a few mo...
A. 9 December 2012: this one is tough. you know what you need to do... you just don't know how to do it.
ugh honey this hurts...
1. you tell him not to contact you any more.
then you have to do the hard part...
block his phone numbers
block his email
... (read in full...)
My bf wants pics of me should I send them?
Q. Hi Recently my bf asked me to send pics of myself in underwear I love him and trust him and I want to do it... its not I don't feel comfortable with it and he said if I don't want to do it its fine but I don't want him thinking I am some kind...
A. 9 December 2012: Please don't do it
1. it's illegal because you are under age
2. he sees you all the time why does he need pics of you in your underwear?
3. he will show them to his friends or worse post them online (and if he doesn't what's to stop a fri... (read in full...)
Am I being used? I want more than to just be his FWB
Q. So there's this guy I've known since high school. We are the same age. Both came out of really bad relationships. We are friends. I went over to his house one day we ended up doing things. Then afterwards, he says "I'm not sure what this means ...
A. 9 December 2012: He's not scared.
He did not lie.
Kudos to him. He told the truth... which is "I just want a fuck buddy"
that's what you are.
I know this hurts to read but he's NEVER going to think of you as anything better than a handy penis holder... (read in full...)
Does he have to have feelings for her? Can a man be in a relationship with a woman just for sex?
Q. Hi Cupids. Is it possible for a man to be "in a relationship" (I mean an actual relationship where they are dating, not a FWB or no strings situation) with a woman just for the sex or because the sex is good? Does he necessarily have to have...
A. 8 December 2012: didn't work for my husband.
we were NSA/FWB to start, within a few months we were planning more and within 2 years of starting up with each other we were married.... (read in full...)
How can I possibly break up with him and start to move on?
Q. I started dating my boyfriend July of last year. For the last 5 months we've been on-and-off. I'll start with saying that he is the only person I've ever met that I've been able to be my 100% self around. I do love him and I love how silly and open ...
A. 8 December 2012: ah the hard part.
you just do it. when i broke up with my first boyfriend when I was 17 (after 2.5 years of being together...) I said to him "we have to break OUT" it was very Freudian wasn't it?
he cried
I cried
and then we went no c... (read in full...)
So, what are your opinions on the self control of men?
Q. Hey everyone! I've been going out with my BF for nearly a year now. Our sex life has always been very good. We were both completely new to all things sexual before we met each other, but we've explored a lot together which has been nice. Th...
A. 7 December 2012: honey when a man is with a woman he wants to have sex with she can have no make up on, hair a mess and be wearing a burlap sack from head to toe and he would still want her.
... (read in full...)
My boyfriend didnt invite me to go see the movie and went with his friends instead! Am I overeacting?
Q. my bf recently shifted to my city.its been 4months since he is in my city.earlier we were in a long distance relationship since 3 years.my bf planned out for a movie with his guy friends and he didnt invite me! this was really shocking for me.when i ...
A. 7 December 2012: today he got mad at you and abused you
why did he get mad and how did he abuse you?
see this is why I say LDRs are not real till you spend a decent amount of time together IRL... (read in full...)
I love her more than anything but she doesn't reply to me!
Q. I loved a girl of my age. she is my childhood class mate in 6th standard. I love her more than anyone. I have proposed her through email i have written more than ten emails. She didnt reply me. She wot lift my call. I sent an email that "pls say ...
A. 7 December 2012: NO reply means NO honey....
she's not interested.... (read in full...)
Can't talk to her without her getting angry, what do I do?
Q. I am in a relationship and my partner can be easily annoyed and agitated! If I try and tease her or make a joke she can get really defensive and angry and that just makes me angry and agitated! I love her but it can make me feel bad and I feel that ...
A. 7 December 2012: Her reactions are hers and not your fault.
You say you love her... why? what about her do you love
her cranky personality
her inability to take teasing
her defensiveness
you are very young and it's hard to know when it's time to ... (read in full...)
I'm getting feelings for my married friend. Is she into me as well?
Q. Ok first off I'm a single guy and this is something that just happened I didn't plan it. I have a married female friend I have recently reunited with, a few weeks ago she came to see me at my house to watch our favorite shows. She's always told me ...
A. 7 December 2012: WHAT a cheating liar she is.
does her husband know you two are sharing kisses and hugs and that she's sending you photos and having an emotional affair with you? NO? then she's lying to him....
How do you perceive this? EASY.. she's a chea... (read in full...)
How can I possibly break up with him and start to move on?
Q. I started dating my boyfriend July of last year. For the last 5 months we've been on-and-off. I'll start with saying that he is the only person I've ever met that I've been able to be my 100% self around. I do love him and I love how silly and open ...
A. 7 December 2012: You’ve been together since July of 2011 so just over a year together at a young age…. Let’s start with that.
Now the facts:
For the last 5 out of 16 months you have been on and off . That’s nearly ONE THIRD of the time you are together it’s bee... (read in full...)
My boyfriend didnt invite me to go see the movie and went with his friends instead! Am I overeacting?
Q. my bf recently shifted to my city.its been 4months since he is in my city.earlier we were in a long distance relationship since 3 years.my bf planned out for a movie with his guy friends and he didnt invite me! this was really shocking for me.when i ...
A. 7 December 2012: I think you are over-reacting.
he's right.. he cannot do everything with you. He has other friends and has the rights and needs to see them too.
he went out with the guys and didn't want his gf tagging along. don't you go out with your girlfr... (read in full...)
So, what are your opinions on the self control of men?
Q. Hey everyone! I've been going out with my BF for nearly a year now. Our sex life has always been very good. We were both completely new to all things sexual before we met each other, but we've explored a lot together which has been nice. Th...
A. 6 December 2012: "men don't have control" what a crock.
BUT
you can't after nearly a year of active sexual life say "I need to stop having sex to sort things out in my head" that too is a crock.
Either you are a couple or you are not. NOT havi... (read in full...)
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