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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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How can I possibly break up with him and start to move on?
Q. I started dating my boyfriend July of last year. For the last 5 months we've been on-and-off. I'll start with saying that he is the only person I've ever met that I've been able to be my 100% self around. I do love him and I love how silly and open ...
A. 8 December 2012: ah the hard part.
you just do it. when i broke up with my first boyfriend when I was 17 (after 2.5 years of being together...) I said to him "we have to break OUT" it was very Freudian wasn't it?
he cried
I cried
and then we went no c... (read in full...)
So, what are your opinions on the self control of men?
Q. Hey everyone! I've been going out with my BF for nearly a year now. Our sex life has always been very good. We were both completely new to all things sexual before we met each other, but we've explored a lot together which has been nice. Th...
A. 7 December 2012: honey when a man is with a woman he wants to have sex with she can have no make up on, hair a mess and be wearing a burlap sack from head to toe and he would still want her.
... (read in full...)
My boyfriend didnt invite me to go see the movie and went with his friends instead! Am I overeacting?
Q. my bf recently shifted to my city.its been 4months since he is in my city.earlier we were in a long distance relationship since 3 years.my bf planned out for a movie with his guy friends and he didnt invite me! this was really shocking for me.when i ...
A. 7 December 2012: today he got mad at you and abused you
why did he get mad and how did he abuse you?
see this is why I say LDRs are not real till you spend a decent amount of time together IRL... (read in full...)
I'm getting feelings for my married friend. Is she into me as well?
Q. Ok first off I'm a single guy and this is something that just happened I didn't plan it. I have a married female friend I have recently reunited with, a few weeks ago she came to see me at my house to watch our favorite shows. She's always told me ...
A. 7 December 2012: WHAT a cheating liar she is.
does her husband know you two are sharing kisses and hugs and that she's sending you photos and having an emotional affair with you? NO? then she's lying to him....
How do you perceive this? EASY.. she's a chea... (read in full...)
I have a very popular and outgoing boyfriend, and my insecurities have become an obsession. Please I need advice!
Q. Hi, everyone. I'm a really insecure person. I have a boyfriend whom I really love, and I suppose I should trust him. But my boyfriend is a really popular guy among the girls and many girls just tend to fall hard in love with him. They don't even ...
A. 7 December 2012: oh honey when he falls off that Perfect man pedestal life will be so much easier.
Let's start with this:
would a perfect man saddle himself with an inferior woman? I think not.
What should you do? I'm a huge believer in self-growth and ... (read in full...)
Could he be seeing someone else?
Q. My boyfriend and I were dating for 3yrs, I helped him financial when needed for his mother's meds or and family members including his kids etc.everything went well or so I thought.he will be retiring the armed force in Feb next yr,and now all of a ...
A. 7 December 2012: It really does not matter if there is someone else at this point honey he clearly does not want you.
you need to swallow the pain and move on.... (read in full...)
I am embarrassed by my lack of sexual experience.
Q. I am currently a freshmen at college and go out regularly in the party scene where I meet a lot of nice and attractive guys who seem to be very interested. I'm not afraid to give out my number to a guy after talking to them at more then a couple ...
A. 7 December 2012: I miss the days of everyone assuming we were virgins until we knew for a fact otherwise.
WHY is the whole world concerned about everyone else's sex life.
OH yeah, they aren't. It's perception as far as I can tell.
you just are making f... (read in full...)
My husband has ED, no sex drive, and is completely none affectionate with me.
Q. My husband is completely none affectionate with me, and I dont know what to try anymore. He is impotent from undiagnosable causes. I mean not the GP, or the psychologist could really figure it out what is his issue,but he lost all his sexual ...
A. 7 December 2012: you say the doctors cannot find anything wrong with him... I assume hes' seen not only the GP but the urologist as well.
IF NOT he needs to see a urologist ASAP. He may have low-t which is not often picked up (although its' becoming more well kno... (read in full...)
How can I possibly break up with him and start to move on?
Q. I started dating my boyfriend July of last year. For the last 5 months we've been on-and-off. I'll start with saying that he is the only person I've ever met that I've been able to be my 100% self around. I do love him and I love how silly and open ...
A. 7 December 2012: You’ve been together since July of 2011 so just over a year together at a young age…. Let’s start with that.
Now the facts:
For the last 5 out of 16 months you have been on and off . That’s nearly ONE THIRD of the time you are together it’s bee... (read in full...)
I love him with all my heart but I cant support a grown man my entire life!
Q. My fiance, my daughter, and I recently moved into our own place. My fiance hasnt held a job since last spring and that was for my dad. He was never brought up with good work ethic and was abused his whole life. He is sweet and caring but him being ...
A. 7 December 2012: I'm sorry to say this but you are going to have to cut this one loose.
When my husband moved to be with me he had a job but we knew he would lose it and he did. BUT he started job hunting and he took the first thing he was offered. It's not as... (read in full...)
Because of my insecurities, my bf and I broke up! How do I deal with this?
Q. Me and my now former virgo boyfriend have been together for a little over four months now. He's a really good guy. He cares a lot of about me and he treats me like an absolute queen but I have some major trust issues due to my horrible past and ...
A. 7 December 2012: Wow if what he said to you was word for word GOOD FOR HIM!
he's right you know. you were wrong if you are giving him grief over not seeing you and he's carrying both a full time school and work load.
Heck I work full time without school a... (read in full...)
She agreed to date me...is this a good sign or should I not get my hopes high?
Q. I ask her out and she said yes. I think this is good news. Is this a good sign or should I not get my hopes high. ...
A. 7 December 2012: wow you got it bad.
she said yes... it's a good sign
do not push too hard or too fast.
give it time to grow slowly and develop.... (read in full...)
Did he really love me if he got another girl pregnant?
Q. i had a boyfriend for 8 years. while together he got another girl pregnant who is his classmate. did he really love me? he said it was all accident and did not love the girl. added he will just give the girl's request to get them married and later ...
A. 7 December 2012: It was an accident that he got her pregnant and is going to marry her?
I think not.
He told you "stay with me and let me have sex with you while I marry her, later on I will annul the marriage and be with you"
what you tell him is
"go ... (read in full...)
Rejected 3 times by her! What should I do?
Q. I like a girl for no reason. I've been waiting for her for 5 years already. During this 5 years, i've got rejected by her 3 times. Any advice?...
A. 7 December 2012: three strikes and you're out.
I think it's time for you to accept that she's not interested in you and move on to finding a woman who is.... (read in full...)
My ldr bf how can I start telling him that I'm so upset to think that our relationship is going nowhere
Q. hello everyone im in a ldr situation for 3 years now with my bf who lives in europe an im from singapore, we love each other we talk everynight, but lately this one depresses me and I' worried. i think im bored of the relationship we have right now ...
A. 7 December 2012: Three years of LDR and he's 37 and you are 27?
you are already wasting your time.
If you are scared to tell him how you feel that's not a good thing. If you want to marry this man and settle down and have babies how are you going to do that... (read in full...)
Would I be right to tell anyone I meet in the future that I'm a virgin because I feel like I am, despite having tried to have sex a number of times?
Q. Dear cupids, I do not know how to explain how I feel at the moment. I am disgusted with myself. After I experienced bleeding, I still tried to have sex again like a month after. I bled again and every time I bleed. I believe I am still a virgin cos ...
A. 7 December 2012: Is it right that I tell the other person I'm single because I feel so?
Nope it's not right. that's a lie as much as you saying you are a virgin.
If you are deciding to wait for marriage to try sex again, you may find that your problem has... (read in full...)
I've found the right guy to lose my virginity to and I want to make our first time special, any advice?
Q. Hello aunts. I'm not sure where to start really but basically i've been dating my boyfriend for around 3 months and we are yet to sleep together as i'm still a virgin and my boyfriend seems to understand that i'm worried about it but i know he is...
A. 7 December 2012: I hate to break it to you but the actual act of intercourse is not mind blowing in any way shape or form.
I have never really enjoyed it and since you don't enjoy fingering (as most men do it it simulates intercourse) and are put off by oral (th... (read in full...)
My boyfriend didnt invite me to go see the movie and went with his friends instead! Am I overeacting?
Q. my bf recently shifted to my city.its been 4months since he is in my city.earlier we were in a long distance relationship since 3 years.my bf planned out for a movie with his guy friends and he didnt invite me! this was really shocking for me.when i ...
A. 7 December 2012: I think you are over-reacting.
he's right.. he cannot do everything with you. He has other friends and has the rights and needs to see them too.
he went out with the guys and didn't want his gf tagging along. don't you go out with your girlfr... (read in full...)
I'm having doubts as to whether I should give him another chance
Q. I married a man about 3 years ago and about a year after found out he was still married to his first wife...which made our marriage illegal and void... Seems like things started going down hill since then. We stayed together because we did care for ...
A. 7 December 2012: “He has always been honest”
NO He hasn’t. HE LIED to you that he was available to be married. THIS IS NOT HONEST.
“he was always good to me, I always had money and was provided for but never any attention and affection, we went one year wi... (read in full...)
Did I do the right thing in telling him how I felt, or should I have just kept quiet?
Q. So, I asked a guy out...and now it is weird. Basically it all came to a head after a really interesting day spent with him. We spend a lot of time together, even though we have only known each other for just over 3 months. We are both at Universi...
A. 7 December 2012: I think you did the right thing.
I think that you saying "I really like you" and nothing else leaves it wide open... HE made the assumption that you wanted more (which you do but it was still an assumption on his part)
and he countered wit... (read in full...)
Does she blame me or is there something else wrong?
Q. My girlfriend and myself share two daughters. Our first is 26 months and our second is 4 months old. My girlfriend had a bad time of it having our youngest and she needed help giving birth as she wasnt feeling right after 29 hours in labour. Both ...
A. 7 December 2012: two kids in just under two years is a lot of wear and tear on a woman's body.
a 4 months old and a toddler is exhausting my boys are 27 months apart... it was HARD...
if she had a hard labor and birth she may still at 4 months be recove... (read in full...)
How do I move on from a relationship that has totally consumed me?
Q. Okay, this is sort of a long story but to make it sort of short the important details are that I'm in my mid-20s (my ex boyfriend is 29), both our Mom's are/were suffering from advanced stage cancer but mine recently passed away, and we've been ...
A. 7 December 2012: He cheats on you.
He lies to you.
I don't think it's worth saving.
how do you move on?
you go no contact and you move forward
at first it will be unbearable. it will hurt 24/7 and you will miss him from the second you wake up ti... (read in full...)
Would it be so wrong if my wife's (we're separated) sister in law and I get together once in a while to enjoy sex as friends?
Q. I'm separated, my wife's brother separated from his wife. At this point neither 1 of us have any faith in our liars, cheaters and drunks and have no plans to go back. We are both sexually attracted, but we don't want to wind up in a relationship ...
A. 7 December 2012: I cannot see this being a good idea at all at least in the short term (like the next 10 years)
It will upset the family
it will confuse the kids
it will muddy the waters
ONCE the kids are grown
and you are divorced for a while and hav... (read in full...)
How long before you know you're in love and he/she is "the one"?
Q. If you have been in a good relationship for over two years, is that enough time to know whether or not you are "in love" with someone? Is that enough time to know whether or not this person is "the one?" ...
A. 7 December 2012: believe it is enough time. I have always known early on when I was going to be serious with someone. Usually by 6 months of regular (read daily) contact.
... (read in full...)
Should I tell my engaged co-worker that I have feelings for him?
Q. I want to tell a co worker that I have feelings for him. I have liked him for a few months and the only problem is that he is engaged. The weddings not for like 2 years though. I wasn't planning on saying anything because he's not available. But ...
A. 7 December 2012: He's off limits. I would NOT say anything at all.
Just because he's having issues in the relationship does not mean you should muddy the waters.
IF and when they break up for good, you can then make your move, realizing that working with so... (read in full...)
My girlfriend wont have sex or go anywhere near my "man parts" when she's on her period.
Q. Is it wrong for me to be extremely frustrated at the fact that my girlfriend won't go anyone near my genitals when she's on her period? We can be hooking up and it will get intense and she'll stop us and tell me she "doesn't want to get too horny, ...
A. 7 December 2012: It’s not wrong for you to be frustrated. BUT it is wrong of you to DEMAND satisfaction. I suggest you stop hooking up when she knows she’s “out of commission”
Let me ask you this OP, when you have what I like to call “intestinal DIS-... (read in full...)
I've never met my long distance boyfriend, and lately I've been feeling insecure and having some trust issues.
Q. Hi everyone sorry this might be long but im really desperate and need adivice, ive been dating this guy for about two years now. we are in a long distant relationship and havent met yet( but we are planning to see eachother soon) and and , bu...
A. 7 December 2012: OP, I will not address whether you are in love or not. I am sure that you believe that you are. I will point out that MANY times you fall in love with people online and the reality is not what you believed it to be in the long run. I am sure ... (read in full...)
I've never met my long distance boyfriend, and lately I've been feeling insecure and having some trust issues.
Q. Hi everyone sorry this might be long but im really desperate and need adivice, ive been dating this guy for about two years now. we are in a long distant relationship and havent met yet( but we are planning to see eachother soon) and and , bu...
A. 6 December 2012: how come it's taken three years to plan a meeting? I am in fear that your meeting will be a bit anticlimactic as you have probably built it all up in your brain.
I have NO problem with LDRs, I was in one for a year while we figured out how ... (read in full...)
Dating a guy who's 8 years my senior
Q. Is it illegal to date someone who's 8 years my senior in California?...
A. 6 December 2012: are you 18 or older... then it's not illegal.
... (read in full...)
So, what are your opinions on the self control of men?
Q. Hey everyone! I've been going out with my BF for nearly a year now. Our sex life has always been very good. We were both completely new to all things sexual before we met each other, but we've explored a lot together which has been nice. Th...
A. 6 December 2012: "men don't have control" what a crock.
BUT
you can't after nearly a year of active sexual life say "I need to stop having sex to sort things out in my head" that too is a crock.
Either you are a couple or you are not. NOT havi... (read in full...)
We break up, we make up, but nothing has changed. What do I do about her?
Q. I have been back with my girlfriend only a week after us breaking up. We broke up because I found she had been registering on dating sites. Not only that but had been engaging in explicit conversation and exchanging photos. At first she denied it ...
A. 6 December 2012: You went over to surprise her with flowers.. now that's lovely and sweet and attentive.
she got busted having chats with other men and she blamed it on you... typical cheater behavior.
You walked out... keep walking.
Exactly WHAT are ... (read in full...)
My partner said I ruined his life!
Q. Hi, I feel terrible and ill because my partner has basically said i have ruined his life. We got together a few years ago in uni and had been saving for ages to get a house together. due to him being a little hot and cold (loved me but didnt...
A. 6 December 2012: YOU did not ruin his life. ONLY he can ruin his life.
He's blaming you for his bad fortune.
YOU can't make him feel better. AND you can't fix it for him.
I think that for all involved the best thing for you to do is (as painful as ... (read in full...)
"I love her as much as I could" What does that mean?
Q. What does it mean when a man says "I loved her as much as I could.?" I ask, because, an associate of mine cited that he cheated and left an ex girlfriend over twenty something years ago, but he claims that while she "loved him more than he loved ...
A. 6 December 2012: It means he did not love her as she loved him
he did not love her enough to marry her to be with her to spend his life with her.
Is it a bad thing if someone says you love them ore than they love you? Well yeah if you think you are going to be ... (read in full...)
Did I take my daughter's happiness away? I think her and my new stepson have feelings for each other
Q. Summer 2012, I got married for the first time at age 52 to a 37 year old woman. We met on eHarmony Spring 2012 and things just clicked. She was married once before for two years and has a 20 year old son. I have a 19 year old daughter. My issue is ...
A. 6 December 2012: How have you taken her happiness?
I am sensing you think that because they are step siblings they can't have their own relationship? Of course they can
there is no legal wrongdoing in this.
heck they knew each other first so in truth... (read in full...)
My girlfriend wants space so she can find out if she is happy
Q. I am 22 years old,I have been dating my girlfriend for 6 months now.last night she told me that she isn't sure if she can be happy and I deserve someone who is 100% committed to me.she said she wants to take a 2 week break so she can hopefully find ...
A. 6 December 2012: You can't make her love you
you can't make her stay
I wonder why she has a time limit (a two week break).... is there someone or something going on in that time frame?
I agree with KC100 breaks are never good. FIGHTS are one thing but to... (read in full...)
How to break it to my boyfriend's traditional family that there will be no wedding?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for over five years. We’re both over 30, at a good place in our jobs/ finances, and happy together; so marriage seems like the next step to both of us. I am not a traditional girl, and although I’m fai...
A. 6 December 2012: If you don't want a wedding do not have one. They will get over it.
I personally think that if you want the family at a small to-do you have two options.
Option 1. tell them we are getting married at the court house on XX/xx/xx at 2... (read in full...)
No contact but he is blowing up my phone
Q. I did it in person, I did it as nice as possible, I did it affirmatively. I have ended the relationship, but he has not put me in the past. It's been a month and everyday it's 15 or more texts. So after the 2nd week I text him saying, "I'm sorry ...
A. 6 December 2012: if you can't block his number (which for us to block on our plan we have to pay extra) then just ignore him.
no response is better than telling him to leave you alone as he will interpret it as saying 'you have my attention"
much better... (read in full...)
He says he can't marry me because I've been divorced and have a child. His parents would never approve of me.
Q. i am 27 years and my boyfriend have 26 we r met 5 years before and my mother died when was young i got married when i was 19 and due to some problemwe r seperated and i had a kid now he was seven years my problem is before 5 years i met this guy he ...
A. 6 December 2012: I was once with a guy I loved and adored. He liked me. He still likes me over 20 years later. I so wanted to be with him... his reason for not wanting to be with me was that his parents would not accept my religion.
The truth was he was just... (read in full...)
He's always needing money, always questioning my feelings for him, and never wants to go out or do anything.
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for about 3 months, I love his personality and sense of humor...but seems like he never has any money and he makes more than i. he asked me a couple of weeks ago to make his house payment for him because he was three ...
A. 6 December 2012: Congrats OP on making the break.
best of luck to you.... (read in full...)
Is revenge a good idea?
Q. hii im a PG student... and i have ben tortured by my lecturer a lot.. she also encourages other lecturers to give less marks even though they give good marks for me... she never teaches well.. i dont attend her class fully... i still have attended ...
A. 6 December 2012: OP your last two follow ups indicate to me a lack of maturity that is harming you in this case.
IF the problem the new instructor has is with EVERYONE, then it’s not personal and you need to just tough it out.
In life, you will learn that we ... (read in full...)
Is he a player if he's busy on the weekend?
Q. Hi, I just met a lovely guy, he's South American and seems like the perfect guy. He's sweet, attentive, funny, complimentary etc. We met only 3 days ago and slept together on the first night - there was so much chemistry and we were both pretty ...
A. 6 December 2012: OP your age is listed as 30-35. Your last follow up says that you were with someone special for 8 years. Let’s say you are 35. Now you say that Mr. Special was 13 years ago. So let’s start with 35 minus 13 leave you with 22. Now 22 minus ... (read in full...)
Why did she keep cheating on me and treating me so badly?
Q. I'm recently out of a 4 year relationship and a traumatic one at that. The problems began 2 1/2 years ago when she started cheating on me..the other guy was a random she met on craigslist one night when i was not around. Their fling lasted on ...
A. 6 December 2012: "I'm so confused as to why she would constantly do this to me?"
because you permitted it.
what you need to do is tell her GET OUT and mean it.
She's using you. She lies She cheats and now she's blatant about it because she knows you wil... (read in full...)
I asked my ex girlfriend if she's dating someone else. What does her answer mean?
Q. I asked my ex girlfriend if she is dating someone and her answer was "I'm not going to answer that". I've been told that she means it is none of mine business. But is she still interested in me?...
A. 6 December 2012: I can't improve on what Cerberus said.
If you want to know if she is interested in seeing you again ASK her like an adult.
... (read in full...)
I see him every day but he only texts me once. Am I asking too much?
Q. I'm 43 and have fallen madly in love with this man. He and I have amaizing chemistry and sex. When we are together things are perfect. We get along, joke, play, talk. He is affectionate and loving. The problem lies when we are apart. He calls me ...
A. 6 December 2012: Yes you are expecting WAY too much.
he calls every day. you spend every night together.
how do you know he doesn't think about you?
because he does not text???? My husband HATES texting. with a passion. So does my brother, an... (read in full...)
Is revenge a good idea?
Q. hii im a PG student... and i have ben tortured by my lecturer a lot.. she also encourages other lecturers to give less marks even though they give good marks for me... she never teaches well.. i dont attend her class fully... i still have attended ...
A. 5 December 2012: the fact that you only attend 60% of her classes is why you are marked low. Here that's not even acceptable passing attendance.
LIVING WELL is the best revenge.
show up 100% of the time, study hard do well in the class. that's how you d... (read in full...)
Is he a player if he's busy on the weekend?
Q. Hi, I just met a lovely guy, he's South American and seems like the perfect guy. He's sweet, attentive, funny, complimentary etc. We met only 3 days ago and slept together on the first night - there was so much chemistry and we were both pretty ...
A. 5 December 2012: I am 52. I am also a major slut. Or I was. Truly. Lost my virginity at 14 and have not looked back. I’m on my 4th husband dear. He’s a slut too. Slept with whores and escorts before he met me… I was a swinger in my last marriage. ... (read in full...)
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