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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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I thought the second date went well but she never responded to my text afterwards. Is she not interested? Should I ask her out again?
Q. I met a woman online and we had a fantastic first date. She is very pretty, funny, kind and we had a lot in common. She asked me out on a 2nd date and texted me afterwards saying she had a great time and she couldn't wait to get together again. ...
A. 21 December 2012: Excellent news OP! thanks for the follow up!
... (read in full...)
I think my live in boyfriend of 2.5 years has feelings for his co-worker
Q. I think my boyfriend has feelings for a coworker and it's making me feel really insecure. We've lived together for 2.5 years now and talk about getting married. We have an odd relationship because we have very little in common. This coworker is...
A. 20 December 2012: So the fact that they flirt, eat lunch and have sexual tension but he does nothing about it bothers you?
How does this impact on your home life? Is he distant from you, non-sexual with you? snappy with you? talking about her 24/7? H... (read in full...)
Me loving her right now isn't important, saving the friendship is!
Q. There is this girl who I have known for several months now and we instantly became best friends. I don't want to go into details on how we met but ever since she stepped into my life she made me a very happy person again after being treated badly by ...
A. 19 December 2012: you can't be friends with her. You love her and want more. She does not. trying to be friends with her will only cause you more pain.
IF you truly love her you want what makes her happy no matter what. What will make her happy is if you leave... (read in full...)
What does a guy think when a girl has her period?
Q. What do you guys think if you often see girls act awkward when they have their period? OR when you know they have it? Does it turn you off? I have no idea but every time I have period, I freaked out and I think everyone knows. :(...
A. 19 December 2012: Oh SAGE, brings up an interesting issue.
THERE are some religions that treat menstruating women as spiritually unclean. They are not allowed to do certain things or enter certain places until their period is over they can be ritually cle... (read in full...)
Should I reply to my old friend, who sided with my ex during our messy split?
Q. Dear Cupids, I've been with a guy for 5+ years: as a couple we used to hang out with this other couple- they were originally friends of mine and I introduced my ex to them. Okay, so about a 1.5 years ago my ex and I went through a horrible break-up...
A. 19 December 2012: FWIW, when my ex-husband and I broke up he "got custody" of most of the friends. I assumed they went that way since they thought I was the bad guy in the break up.
I found out recently that it's not the case. Most of our friends (now... (read in full...)
I think my live in boyfriend of 2.5 years has feelings for his co-worker
Q. I think my boyfriend has feelings for a coworker and it's making me feel really insecure. We've lived together for 2.5 years now and talk about getting married. We have an odd relationship because we have very little in common. This coworker is...
A. 19 December 2012: Kudos to him for telling you the truth.
He has what I lovingly call "a work wife" His best opposite sex co-worker. I have had my share, they in no way threaten my relationship or my home.
I can find someone attractive and admit tha... (read in full...)
My boyfriend broke up with me, but his actions are keeping me from moving on.
Q. What should I do? I was with my boyfriend for 8 months and it was really good, we never fought or had any major issues, however he had a lot of family and school commitments. He broke up with me because he didn't have time for me and felt that he ...
A. 19 December 2012: I agree with tennisstar88, YOU are responsible for your feelings and your behavior. YOU are the one not moving on.
IF he wanted you back you are right there and he would let you know...... (read in full...)
What can I do to deal with my flirty (but not with me) husband who will not make love to me yet masturbates regularly?
Q. I have had it with my husband. We have been married for 16 years. The first 6 years I would say was great especially trying to have kids at that time. We ended up having 2 children. After our second child I noticed my husband wouldn't make an...
A. 19 December 2012: So is he being treated for the LOW-T?
if not, then he's lying about it. is that possible?
do you want to fix this? does he?
if he sees no problems then I see no hope
if he wants to fix it then you can try to fix it
first a... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't seem to be bothered about me anymore, what should I do now?
Q. Recently my boyfriend seems to not be bothered anymore? He will call roughly once maybe twice a week but wont text or email. Fair enough but the moment he gets on the phone it feels like he wants to go already. We have had to become a ldr for now ...
A. 19 December 2012: IF you are not feeling supported emotionally and he's not rowing the relationship boat then yes you are right to end it.
IF he says he does not want to lose you tell him to put his money where his mouth is and stop giving you lip service and SHOW... (read in full...)
I feel like my boyfriend only sees me when he has nothing better to do!
Q. I am 27 and have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. The problem is it seems like he only sees me when he has nothing better to do. I cannot get him to agree to do anything at the weekends because he wants to wait to see what else is happening, plus ...
A. 19 December 2012: Is this you? http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-boyfriend-never-makes-time-for-me-he.html
If you have told him how you feel there is not much else you can do if your demanding respect for yourself and the relationship is causing strife.
... (read in full...)
He treats me pretty badly but I still like him and don't want to give up on him, what should I do?
Q. For the past few months I've really been into this boy I met. We're both in the same major at the same school, but he's a year older. His girlfriend broke up with him at the beginning of the year and as of now they're best friends still and she has ...
A. 19 December 2012: yeah I think you are pipe dreaming.
he's using you
he's not over his ex
he treats you badly but sugar coats it so you keep giving it up for him.
... (read in full...)
I'm shy. And have platonic friends. Should I initiate contact or wait for them to contact me?
Q. So, i have a platonic friend question. I really dont have that many friends and i have a few friends from high school left but they never really contact me.. I guess because they are always going out and stuff and i'm kind of shy and not all that...
A. 19 December 2012: friendships go both ways as do romantic relationships.
IF all you do is sit around and wait for them to contact you and you never contact them, they will tire of it and stop being your friends... there is only so much effort a human will make bef... (read in full...)
Cheaters Central? Do you think my boyfriend cheated on me? Is he the cheater type?
Q. I know the type of answers I'll get for this question. "A relationship can't work without trust". But I guess I need to know whether I'm being paranoid or rightfully concerned. In any case, here it goes: Before I met my boyfriend he had a big cru...
A. 19 December 2012: He lied. that's cheating in my book.
telling after the fact due to guilt or being afraid of being caught is not the same thing as telling before hand.
there is an old saying "it's easier to seek forgiveness than it is to get permission" ... (read in full...)
He's hanging out with his b/f's widow
Q. My boyfriend lives with me in Ohio and left to go stay with a male friend in Florida where another good friend of his recently died in an accident. I am having an issue with the fact that when I call (if he answers) he is always at his deceased ...
A. 19 December 2012: You live together normally but he travels south in the winter to find work. That’s got to be hard in general.
“when I call (if he answers)” does this mean he’s not contacting you and you are doing all the relationship rowing? What happ... (read in full...)
He's amazing but then when trouble hits he does a 180. I'm too weak to stay away from him. Is this normal?
Q. he screamed at me on the phone so i ignored him for 5 days in which he asked me out and called several times and even once he came to my university with a flower and i said i was in an exam he have serious mood swings that i'm afraid may put m...
A. 19 December 2012: "with any trouble he faces he changes 180 degrees"
it sounds like he has no coping skills. Counseling will help if he is willing to go.
If he can learn coping skills the mood swings (if they are always in response to stress) may lessen. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend never makes time for me! He spends 6 days out of the week with friends or hobbies, any advice? Should I give up?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for just over 3 years. I have mentioned to him several times recently that I feel like I don't see him enough - he spends most weekends with his friends and I often don't hear from him at all during the weekend, ...
A. 19 December 2012: Water takes the path of least resistance. that means it will flow down the easy way...
your boyfriend is like water... he wants it easy. He will take it if it's easy (not saying YOU are easy but the fact that until recently he could call and... (read in full...)
I thought the second date went well but she never responded to my text afterwards. Is she not interested? Should I ask her out again?
Q. I met a woman online and we had a fantastic first date. She is very pretty, funny, kind and we had a lot in common. She asked me out on a 2nd date and texted me afterwards saying she had a great time and she couldn't wait to get together again. ...
A. 19 December 2012: call her and ask her out and see what happens.... (read in full...)
We broke up because she wanted to just be friends, now it seems like she's flirting with me.
Q. Hello All, To make this as short as possible I will just say that I posted a question a couple weeks ago about how to stay friends with a girl who I had previously dated for 2 months. Our break up was not ugly, it was basically her saying that she...
A. 19 December 2012: My husband often lays with his feet in my lap... when I was recovering from major surgery in June 2011 the only part of my body he could touch were my feet and lower legs and he sat for hours holding my feet while we watched tv...
You need ... (read in full...)
Broke ex, or well-off baby daddy or neither of them? Help me choose!
Q. I am more confused now more than ever, I split up with the one guy who kept asking for money and he did pay me back and said he was sorry that he shouldn't have done that and that he truly loves me and wants to work things out but they are still ...
A. 19 December 2012: I would never give up happiness to be financially secure.
however, if he is truly trying and you think he will continue to try then you may want to give him a chance.... if you think you can be happy with him.
... (read in full...)
Should I reply to my old friend, who sided with my ex during our messy split?
Q. Dear Cupids, I've been with a guy for 5+ years: as a couple we used to hang out with this other couple- they were originally friends of mine and I introduced my ex to them. Okay, so about a 1.5 years ago my ex and I went through a horrible break-up...
A. 19 December 2012: do you miss her? do you want to be friends with her again
if so the proper response is "me too"
if not, if you can't bear the idea of being friends with her or you think it will be difficult then ignore it... (read in full...)
How do I make it up to my room mate that I have ignored after he's been kind to me?
Q. i have a room mate and i have really ignored him for no reason. he did alot of work for me for my car and stuff and i said i'll cook for him yesterday but then some of my friends came over that night and i offered them to eat with us but he did not ...
A. 19 December 2012: tell him you are sorry you were so selfish and you will make it up to him and then cook for HIM like you promised.... (read in full...)
What does a guy think when a girl has her period?
Q. What do you guys think if you often see girls act awkward when they have their period? OR when you know they have it? Does it turn you off? I have no idea but every time I have period, I freaked out and I think everyone knows. :(...
A. 19 December 2012: unless you tell folks you have your period, they won't know.
and to be honest women have had monthly cycles for centuries. It's a natural normal body function.
Some men (and women) do not want to have sexual relations when a woman is on h... (read in full...)
Guys, is low self-esteem a big turn off?
Q. I have a very low self esteem. I don't know what to do. I admit that some guys have a crush on me but no one makes the first move(no suitors). I'm often being teased in class with some guys but I just make a poker face because I know it's just for ...
A. 19 December 2012: I have to say that someone with low self esteem is very unattractive to me no matter how attractive they are physically.
Self-esteem and confidence are sexy... (read in full...)
How can I make him care about me and miss me?
Q. This guy and I have met 7 months ago. It's a long distance relationship. We've fallen in love, and even talked about getting married in the future. I told myself not to get too attached to this guy, because I went through a really bad traumatizing ...
A. 19 December 2012: You met 7 months ago? Face to face in real life or on the computer? Have you met face to face?
If you have not met face to face, well then it’s a pretend relationship and you should probably prepare for it to end sooner rather than later
... (read in full...)
Infertility and my whisky dick...
Q. Hi, my wife and I have been married for just over 10 years. We've never succeeded in having a baby over the last 8 years. Over these years we tried numerous IUI, IVF, surgeries, etc, but without luck. Now, my wife is 41 and I am almost 50. My ...
A. 19 December 2012: I doubt you will be able to adopt for several reasons.
1. Your age. 50 is a bit old to begin parenting unless you adopt older (read usually troubled) children
2. Whisky dick indicates you have a drinking issue. These things are looked a... (read in full...)
I just moved in with my boyfriend. Should we write up a contract for rent obligations and other household duties?
Q. Dear Cupid, I have recently moved in with my boyfriend, I am trying to figure out a pattern about rights and obligations in relationships, for example,if I cook who does the dishes -me or him, if I do the dishes who will wipe them - basically, our...
A. 19 December 2012: I'm not going to address the legalities of living in a rental place without your name on the lease but here that's usually illegal. Discuss with your boyfriend if it's even feasible to have your name added to the lease. What you pay would be ... (read in full...)
We are at the 3 year mark in our relationship yet all he cares about is drinking and Xbox.
Q. It will be coming upto three years at the end of this month that I have been together with my boyfriend and things have been going downhill quite quickly. Now I don't wanna compare myself to other people or couples but I thought that around the ...
A. 19 December 2012: He's very happy with his life the way it is.
He's not going to change.
After 3 years at your age a man knows what he wants and clearly what he wants is not what you want.
If you want to get married to an adult, then I suggest you star... (read in full...)
Her parents are staying with us over Christmas, but I've found she is having sexual conversations with strangers on the internet! Should I confront her now, or wait until her parents have gone? I'm really disgusted and thinking about leaving...
Q. My girlfriends parents are due from overseas to visit and stay over christmas. It will be the third time I have met them and we get on great. I have now discovered my girlfriend is having relationships and sexual conversations with strangers over ...
A. 19 December 2012: You're good. I can never keep things in, once i found out about lying and cheating, I'd be so up in my partners face they wouldn't have time to think
Since she did not care about your feelings when she lied and cheated on you, why do you care ... (read in full...)
How long does it take to get over someone and is it possible to be friends after a relationship?
Q. How long does it take to get over someone and is it possible to be friends after a relationship? I split up from my ex about 7 months ago but we kept in touch via email (he lives abroad). Even though we both knew (and said) we still loved each oth...
A. 19 December 2012: It's not a good idea to be friends with ex partners.
Friendly yes
Civil yes but truly friends..... NO it's NOT a good plan
IF you have no children with a man there is no need to remain in touch. I think folks want to "remain friends" so ... (read in full...)
Will my friends ever accept us as a couple and stop the snide remarks?
Q. Just over a year ago I was in an 'open' relationship with my now ex-girlfriend. We both saw whoever we wanted to no questions asked. It worked for about 2 years Last December I started seeing a girl who was a friend of both of ours and our group of...
A. 19 December 2012: You may need to get a new circle of friends. Congrats on the baby and finding true love.
I had a similar situation and yet I have had NO problems with folks questioning my return to monogamy.
My husband and I were happily married (or... (read in full...)
My fiance left me for my sister whom he got pregnant. How do I stop this from ruining Christmas?
Q. I'm 25, and have a son who's 5 years old. My fiance (he's 28) left me only a few days ago for one of my three older sisters (32, 35 and 37, he left me for the 32-year-old one) and I feel low. We were planning to get married next year in March an...
A. 19 December 2012: My ex husband's family has brother cousins. Same mom but the dads are THREE different cousins in the same family. Ugh.
Daddys have a right to see their kids. They also have a responsibility to pay child support and the two are NOT related ... (read in full...)
After a week on talking online he says he loves me and wants to marry me?
Q. I recently placed a personal ad saying i m looking for a mate, I had over 20 response , most of the guys were playing or seeking sex so I finally came across a guy who sound great anyways we chated though email then he gave me his number , we ...
A. 18 December 2012: I agree it's crazy talk on his part.
He's never met you and he wants to marry you? Even you know that's crazy talk.
Do not even entertain the idea of telling him to back it up.... he won't. He will steamroll you...
best to cut it off ... (read in full...)
I feel as if I'm using him... but I don't want to. Help!
Q. I recently met this guy at work who has fell head over heels for me. He does anything for me and we hang 24/7 and I'm not all that into him. But I feel like I use him and I don't want to as he is an amazing friend. what do I do?...
A. 18 December 2012: how do you feel you are using him in what way?
for sex?
for money?
for chores?
... (read in full...)
Guys, if you see a beautiful girl seems to like you, how do you react?
Q. What if you see this girl and you like her because of her drop-dead beauty, all the guys just keep staring at her from afar and then she added you on fb. She steals glances at you from time to time and you think she likes you. What's your reaction? ...
A. 18 December 2012: Most men will admire very attractive women from afar. If they are shy they will be perceived as stuck up and not approached.
and i agree with iAmHereToHelpYou. If you are talking about yourself it's clear why you are alone... you come across a... (read in full...)
If he sees me as 'old' now, what will happen when we marry?
Q. Good day everyone. I've got this concern and need to understand what does it really means. Today as I was having a breakfast with my boyfriend he surprised me with these words as I was only wearing a towel only, he told that I'm now old and I don't ...
A. 18 December 2012: if you marry he will see you as older as you get older...
it will not mean he does not love you or find you attractive. it means he has no filter and says what's on his mind.
did you ask him what he meant and why?
you are after all... (read in full...)
What to say when boyfriend asks about marriage?
Q. My boyfriend and I have only been dating a few months. We are both 25. He seems pretty serious about me. He asked me yet again if I want to marry one day. I was surprised no ex had ever asked me this question before. I didn't really know what to ...
A. 18 December 2012: what you say is "well it's pretty early for us to be discussing specifics but as a general statement I can say that one day yes I'm not opposed to being married"
of course I knew early on in my relationships when I wanted to marry someone and ... (read in full...)
He dumped after he was the one texting another girl
Q. My ex boyfriend (just) dumped me on Monday. The story is that over a week ago I found texts on his phone to a 17 year old girl he works with (he's 30) saying things like I would prefer to be on a date with you, I can't wait to see you again and that ...
A. 18 December 2012: he lied.
he didn't want to have to admit he lied
so before you dumped him he dumped you.
he dumped you because he got caught..... plain and simple and he's
a liar
a cheat
and
a coward
you are better off without him... (read in full...)
Her kids are treating me like a Dad.. But I don't see this relationship as being forever. Am I looking into this situation too much?
Q. Soooo im just gonna get straight to the point here. I met a girl about 5-6 months ago, went on a few dates and we got on very well. About a month into seeing her she tells me she has 3 kids, 4, 6 and 8. Now at the time this didnt bother me, ive...
A. 18 December 2012: I agree with most of the aunts.
she invited you to meet the kids that was the cue it was serious in her mind.
you don't see it as being permanent, you must be honest with her about this.
she will be hurt
the kids can easily get atta... (read in full...)
If he really loves me and wants to marry me, then why does he keep joining dating sites?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. The last 2 have gotten rather bumpy because he keeps talking to girls on dating sites. He has asked me to marry him but because he lies to me about his dating sites it makes me too afraid to marry ...
A. 18 December 2012: he doesn't really love you. he only loves himself.
not only would I not marry him, I'm not sure I would remain in a relationship with him.... (read in full...)
How can I get him help? Is this a medical issue or is he with a group or cult that's warped his mind?
Q. I don't even know where to begin with this, but I am very worried about my friend He doesn't live near me, but we communicated frequently online. I have known him for years. He was a highly intelligent, sensible individual and I admired him. ...
A. 18 December 2012: so this is an online friend? you've not met in real life that you don't live near?
I am afraid there is not much you can do.... (read in full...)
I am married with children. But I am attracted to my 45 year old Aunt. What can I do?
Q. I am married,have 2 kids. Live in United Arab Republic. when i was a teenager,i was always having a fantasy of having sex with my aunty(not blood related). she is the wife of distant relative uncle.i know she was not happy with her husband who can'...
A. 18 December 2012: I suggest that you ask your wife and your uncle for advice.
... (read in full...)
He says "it's not what I think it is". But why am I not enough for him? Why does he need to talk to other girls?
Q. Question Especially geared for the men MrX and I have been dating since June. We are monogamous with each other (sexually) I know most of his friends, but not his family and although we act like it, he really won't commit to saying he's my a...
A. 18 December 2012: You checked because you had a feeling that he wasn't being 100% honest with you.
Its funny I've been with men who I didn't trust and rightfully so and I when I checked they were busted.
my husband... it would never occur to me to check his p... (read in full...)
Stuck in a cycle of loving and loathing each other. We fight. When is enough, enough?
Q. We have been together on and off for 6 years. We got engaged 6 months ago and things are not good. We don't fight well at all. We both say things that we shouldn't . She keeps telling me she don't have that feeling for me, yet she don't want t...
A. 18 December 2012: You’ve been together on and off for six years and got engaged but things are not good.
WHY did you get engaged? Did you think that would fix it? Do you have a wedding date set or was this an open ended engagement to try to fix a broken relation... (read in full...)
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