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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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I love my girlfriend, don't want to break-up, but she doesn't make me laugh. And there is another woman in the wings. What should I do?
Q. I have a really great girlfriend. She's beautiful and sweet and kind and I love her. When I first met her I was completely overwhelmed by her and fell in love. We have been together since March. I have a daughter from a previous relationship, and I ...
A. 9 January 2013: No honey she's not jealous. she's annoyed and now knows you are a liar and a cheat.... (read in full...)
Do you think he could even be interested in me, and if he were to be, would it be possible for us to be together?
Q. Hi all, thanks in advance for reading. I’m sorry this is really long I just want you to get a real sense of what’s going on here! OK here’s the deal. There is this guy who recently moved to my area. He is about 2.5 years older than me, which i...
A. 21 December 2012: You relax, you be yourself and you don't try to make it more than it can possibly be with you going off to school next year.... (read in full...)
I just found out a girl I really like has a boyfriend. Should I still attempt to get to know her?
Q. First, just a short question, should I feel sorry for flirting with her a little bit before I knew she's already seeing someone? She was really nice about everything towards me. Anyway, I asked this girl I like for her number, but she said tha...
A. 15 December 2012: OP you are 100% correct If you go after a woman who is in a committed relationship and "convince her" to leave her current partner for you, you will never know if she would do the same thing to you.
Boyfriend, fiance, husband... it does not ... (read in full...)
I've been too easy. Is it time to use the "hard to get" method?
Q. Hi everyone. On Wednesday i got with a guy at a halloween party and (drunkenly) let him finger me. I don't usually act like this but i liked the guy and to be honest was a bit drunk. The next day he invited me to a party last night where we got ...
A. 14 December 2012: Dear OP,
I'm probably older than your mother and my "sex days" as you call it are so far from over it's not funny.
As for "it's what we do at parties" it's what YOU do at parties. It's not what everyone does at parties. I admit t... (read in full...)
Was it wrong of me to tell my boyfriend to touch another part of my body as I don't enjoy him fingering me?
Q. Sex Question: I have been with my boyfriend for about two years and we have a great sex life. The one thing that I do not really like is when he fingers me. Everything else is great,but I feel like he can be a bit to aggressive in that department ...
A. 13 December 2012: of course you tell him what you like and dont' like
but TELL HIM.
my husband has the need to just PUT ME where he wants me and not TALK to me... and it's INFURIATING.
just say to him, "honey I know you like to blah blah blah but it really... (read in full...)
He is updating his profiles on dating sites and this is unsettling me, what should I do?
Q. I've been with a guy for close to 8 months now. He has helped me a lot with issues from my previous relationship. (Had gotten out of a 2 year relationship and cut myself from my friends who dragged me out 7 months after when I met this guy). He's b...
A. 13 December 2012: He is being disingenuous.
If he was that committed to you (talking about marriage and such) there would be NO NEED to CHECK much less UPDATE dating site profiles.
It sounds to me like you have a bit of drama queen syndrome which is very common ... (read in full...)
Do you think he could even be interested in me, and if he were to be, would it be possible for us to be together?
Q. Hi all, thanks in advance for reading. I’m sorry this is really long I just want you to get a real sense of what’s going on here! OK here’s the deal. There is this guy who recently moved to my area. He is about 2.5 years older than me, which i...
A. 13 December 2012: You have a mad crush. aren't they fun?
Listen to me. You really DON'T want to get involved at this point with him. Because in a year you will be away at college and you will meet all kinds of new folks and not be around him so much and he w... (read in full...)
I do everything to keep the spark alive. How do I keep the flames growing in our long term relationship?
Q. All advice is appreciated especially from those in long term relationships. I've been with my partner for 3yrs now and although that is not a long time to me, its a long time to some and I really hope to be with my partner in marriage. I'm always...
A. 13 December 2012: I think that long term relationships settle.
to have one work long term is to keep
commitment
trust
honesty
communication
love
and fun
but it's not always going to spark.
LTRs ebb and flow... some days are better than ot... (read in full...)
What will I do if he ends up in Jail? What I should do right now given the situation?
Q. To start off with, I'm a nineteen year old girl dating a nineteen year old male. We've been dating a little more than ten months now. There has never really been a fight between the two of us either, we get along quite well. Anyways, like all rela...
A. 13 December 2012: He has his parents deal with you... not mature
He made a mistake (happens to many of us)
He was given a gift of 18 months probation, community service, time served and restitution (meaning he either stole or destroyed property or did some... (read in full...)
Is he attracted to me or is it just that I'm 'available' to him?
Q. I've been talking to this guy (A) on and off for 2 years. He told me 6 months ago that, he's not attracted me and he doesn't want to get close to me. We all have the same friends so we interact every now and again. Two years ago I met him (A) and ...
A. 13 December 2012: of course it's fun to cuddle and hook up with folks... it strokes not just body parts but egos too.
the issue is he has already made it clear you are just fun and games and he has no respect for you as a partner.
you are his "little bit on t... (read in full...)
Why did he change his relationship status and then go back and change it again the same day?
Q. Why would my friend change his FB status to engaged and then change it back to in a relationship two hours later??? Haven't asked him yet but curious about what you guys think. Doesn't this strike you as being very strange? How can you make that ...
A. 13 December 2012: maybe he changed it so you would ask about it like you did here?
in which case he won didn't he?
... (read in full...)
Out of control PMS, I've tried EVERYTHING, please help me!
Q. I'm at my wits end here and really need some advice. I am a 25 year old woman. I'm generally a happy person who enjoys life. But the week (sometimes 2 weeks) before my period I feel as though I go absolutely INSANE! I'm extremely angry, depr...
A. 13 December 2012: My GYN always said extra E, NO sugar EXTRA B vitamins, avoid caffeine... and all the other things you are doing.
I had PMS so badly too... but they had not yet come up with the PMDD diagnosis back then. I had mood swings. nausea, vomi... (read in full...)
I just found out a girl I really like has a boyfriend. Should I still attempt to get to know her?
Q. First, just a short question, should I feel sorry for flirting with her a little bit before I knew she's already seeing someone? She was really nice about everything towards me. Anyway, I asked this girl I like for her number, but she said tha...
A. 13 December 2012: You have no need to feel bad for flirting with her. I’m very happily married and I’m a huge flirt… does not mean I’m cheating on my husband or even considering leaving him. I just like to flirt.
We’re taken not dead.
You asked for her number a... (read in full...)
The only way he'll let me break up with him is if I tell him the truth!
Q. So im kind of stuck in a pickle. what do you do when you dont want to hurt someones feelings, break them by telling them the truth ? That after 4 years of dating you went away alone for acouple months and in just 3 months felt happier with someone ...
A. 13 December 2012: Are you an abused woman? What do you mean “the only way he will let me is if im honest and tell the truth....” Will he physically stop you? How will he not permit you to leave a relationship you are in of your own free will.
On ... (read in full...)
Is attraction usually mutual (meaning it is unspoken between 2 people) or am I looking too hard for signs?
Q. I am so emotionally confused right now. I am married to a man I love, but I am mentally attracted to someone else. I am not sure what to make of this man's actions. I was once taking a long walk and he was driving in the neighbourhood. His car slow...
A. 13 December 2012: you're looking too hard for signs.
He sounds stalkerish with the car thing. If a car I did not recognize slowed down and stared at me I would be calling 911 to have him arrested or at least warned off.
When I send a work related email t... (read in full...)
My older boyfriend said we need a break so I can take some time to think about myself and my feelings, what does he mean by this?
Q. My boyfriend said this classical line "We need a break". I was shocked and all, but to tell the truth I was expecting it. Why? Well... you see... He's like 24 years older than me (he's 42, I'm 18), he's divorced, has 3 kids (two girls, 22 and ...
A. 13 December 2012: I can't improve on what the other posters have said but I did want to pick up on something you said:
"Also, I couldn't tell anyone that we were (are?) in a relationship, so nobody knows about us being together."
so you were a secret relati... (read in full...)
I feel bad about my sex appeal knowing mean watch much better on a porn movie. Am I second best in a guy's estimation if he watches porn?
Q. I know there are many questions about porn, but plese bear with me. So when men watch porn, do they watch it for the women's bodies? Especially girl on girl, or girls masturbating, or stripping, ie. porn that doesn't involve men at all (so it's not...
A. 13 December 2012: I agree with the poster that said the OP is just with the wrong man.
Any man that says you would be better if you looked like a porn star needs to be alone...... (read in full...)
What is the wait time to talk to someone again after a great first date?
Q. Hello everyone. So I met a girl online on a dating website. I didn't really think I could meet anyone and that these sites don't work. But I'm happy to be mistaken, I found someone that I find to be gorgeous with the same interest as myself. Now ...
A. 13 December 2012: Her being Vegan just requires some planning for food... not other activities.
And yes even though it's the 21st century women still like to be the ones being pursued most of the time.
CALL her and ask her out.... don't wait too long. (no ... (read in full...)
How faithful can a girl can be in a LDR when temptations are everywhere?
Q. Hi, im in a ldr for about 7 months and we both are in love. due to our job and school compromises we wont be able to move together until in 2 years or so. so far we have been seeing each other every two months and will be on the same basis, maybe ...
A. 13 December 2012: Ah my favorite topic… LDRS.
2 years is not a long time. I have friends who are married who are LDR and will be LDR for 3 more years (but they see each other every weekend)… 2 years is doable as long as everyone is in the right and same plac... (read in full...)
In a troubled relationship should I tell him I had a miscarriage?
Q. First of all, please don't judge my relationship. I'm not asking a question about how to "win his affections" or anything, I'm asking if I should tell him about a miscarriage. My boyfriend and I are in a complicated situation right now. He's abo...
A. 12 December 2012: Do not bring his friend into this.
I agree it's not the time or place.
again if the time comes up far in the future, you can let him know.... but now, involving others, that's not for HIM it's for you and that's selfish.
... (read in full...)
I get very upset when my partner sees his child from a past relationship! How do I deal with this?
Q. I have been with my partner for 15 months. We love each other very much. However, 7 months into our relationship I discovered that he has a child with his last partner of 2 years. I was skeptical throughout these 7 months as I had heard roumors, and ...
A. 12 December 2012: You have a partner that has a child.
You don't like or want children. IF YOU stay with him you are in essence the quasi-stepmom. If you marry you are the stepmom.
I assume he kept his child a secret because you made it clear you don't like... (read in full...)
In a troubled relationship should I tell him I had a miscarriage?
Q. First of all, please don't judge my relationship. I'm not asking a question about how to "win his affections" or anything, I'm asking if I should tell him about a miscarriage. My boyfriend and I are in a complicated situation right now. He's abo...
A. 12 December 2012: If you want his sympathy then I don't think it's a good reason to tell him.
I also agree that he has a right to know that he has the ability to create a child (always a worry for folks who have not proven that ability) but this pregnancy wa... (read in full...)
I've never been in a relationship, before, but there is a girl I want to ask out. Advice Please!
Q. Hi i have a problem im a sophmore in high school that has never been in a real relationship ( sadly never even kissed a girl) but there is a girl in my biology class that i get my mind off of but there are two problems we hardly ever talk,she is a ...
A. 12 December 2012: well just because you are a sophomore and she a freshie does not mean you are a creeper.
I agree you just need to smile at her... and say hi
and talk a bit...
and then you can say "hey wanna do something this weekend"
but have a p... (read in full...)
My married lover and I have ended our affair, but I want to stay in contact with him. What should I do?
Q. I have posted a question 3 months ago about my married lover cutting all the ties off with me and I suspected him moving on to some other girl. But now I know the reason why he cut all the ties off with me ( we had a dicussion when I come to know ...
A. 12 December 2012: Only time will heal this loss...
You are married
he is married
it's really better this way.
day by day you will heal slowly but you have to be open to it...
... (read in full...)
Can chemistry be built up over time??
Q. I currently have an intimate relationship with my best friend, but when I bring up being in a relationship, she says the chemistry isn't there. I really think it's just because im not a big muscle tatted bad boy. We already get along great and ...
A. 12 December 2012: I think that if you two end up together she will be "settling"
Chemistry is something that either is or is not.
Unless she is in denial of how she really feels (and why would she be if you have made it clear to her you want more than you cu... (read in full...)
My ex boyfriend left me pregnant, doesn't care to see our child or pay for anything,
Q. My ex boyfriend left me pregnant, we already have a child together and he has two before me. When we broke up the first time, he was on craigslist looking for men and women for sex and i took him back, he was looking at porn also and when we were ...
A. 12 December 2012: Sadly this is not about you or the kids... for him it's all about him. I think you need to get a lawyer asap and get court ordered child support.
He has an obligation to pay for his children and you have the right to have that financial help.
... (read in full...)
Boyfriend Watching Porn In A Long Distance Relationship
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 2 years now from opposite sides of the world. We are both 18 and we have not seen each other within the last 3 years. Everything is great except for the fact that he watches perverted things like women ...
A. 12 December 2012: You have not seen a teen boy/man in three years and you are expecting him to NOT watch porn at all?
If the fact that he watches porn instead of dating local girls bothers you that much, why haven’t you moved to be with him and relieve the sexu... (read in full...)
Is he using me? I just don't feel special anymore.
Q. Been seeing a married man, on and off for 4 years...did try ending it but we soon got back together, I guess we missed each other. We are in contact on a daily basis...emailing for hours on end plus texting by phone. Iv never asked him to leave his ...
A. 12 December 2012: I agree with all the other posters. Yes you are being used. I’m sure he finds you pleasant and nice but he does not love you just because he said he did… You are not special. You are not anything to him at all. He’s never going to leave his wife ... (read in full...)
I love my girlfriend, don't want to break-up, but she doesn't make me laugh. And there is another woman in the wings. What should I do?
Q. I have a really great girlfriend. She's beautiful and sweet and kind and I love her. When I first met her I was completely overwhelmed by her and fell in love. We have been together since March. I have a daughter from a previous relationship, and I ...
A. 11 December 2012: I agree with CaringGuy... better to end the local relationship now....
if you are bored it will only get worse.
and besides you have cheated on her with the LDR girl.
... (read in full...)
I feel bad about my sex appeal knowing mean watch much better on a porn movie. Am I second best in a guy's estimation if he watches porn?
Q. I know there are many questions about porn, but plese bear with me. So when men watch porn, do they watch it for the women's bodies? Especially girl on girl, or girls masturbating, or stripping, ie. porn that doesn't involve men at all (so it's not...
A. 11 December 2012: to add to the last poster... not only do they have trainers... etc.. they are so incredibly photo shopped (do a google search for photoshopped models) that even they find themselves to be an ideal they can't reach.
They smooth their skin, ... (read in full...)
My bf wants pics of me should I send them?
Q. Hi Recently my bf asked me to send pics of myself in underwear I love him and trust him and I want to do it... its not I don't feel comfortable with it and he said if I don't want to do it its fine but I don't want him thinking I am some kind...
A. 11 December 2012: EVEN if you give him printed copies of the pictures you still are giving compromising pictures of yourself to someone that is NOT under your control 24/7.
I don't think you are stupid. I do think you are young and naive about the ways of angr... (read in full...)
He says he's using porn to remind himself of me
Q. My ex boyfriend and i fell out over his porn use. He claimed he looked at women who look like me to recreate the joy he had from the night before, he was a virgin and claimed it left him buzzing. However he didn't say he often used to it to think ...
A. 11 December 2012: well i'm sorry OP but that seems rather unfair.
I mean unless you told him from the first day you were a committed couple "if i find out that you looked at porn I will dump you" then I really think that the fact that he gave it up when you ... (read in full...)
FWB: I've been in one before. But why is my new FWB guy so into cuddling afterwards?
Q. Dear Cupid, So lately i've been in a friends with benefits sort of situation. I know this sounds really weird but I met this guy online and we had talked about getting together for a couple months now... well we finally we made time and we have...
A. 11 December 2012: my husband is a cuddler. when we were NSA/FWB our original first few meetings were more about cuddling than sex.
even now we cuddle way more than sex... LOTS of cuddles...
so he may just be a cuddly affectionate person.
The oth... (read in full...)
Best Friends that have turned into something else, without willingness to commit..
Q. Sorry this is somewhat lengthy, but I am in desperate need of good advice so I want you to know as much as possible. Thanks in advance!! My best friend and I have been basically dating for 7 months. As in we had sex regularly, went on dates, h...
A. 11 December 2012: here's the issue:
you want more than friends
she does not.
you can't cope
you need to walk away and risk never seeing her again.
there is no compromise in this case... you want what you want and she does not... it hurts you too much to... (read in full...)
In a troubled relationship should I tell him I had a miscarriage?
Q. First of all, please don't judge my relationship. I'm not asking a question about how to "win his affections" or anything, I'm asking if I should tell him about a miscarriage. My boyfriend and I are in a complicated situation right now. He's abo...
A. 11 December 2012: I know exactly how you feel. I had a miscarriage back in 1989 in a similar fashion. I had no clue I was pregnant and I had a terrible horrible period and went to the doctor and was told I was pregnant... I lost the baby. But it never felt real to ... (read in full...)
I walked away from a man I cannot be with. Have I made the right choice?
Q. Hello Cupids. I made a decision. It was agonizing and emotionally painful for me. And it took me a long time to get to this place...I would like to know if you think I made the right choice. There is this man who I have known for some time. ...
A. 11 December 2012: The pain means you are hurting.
IN my personal opinion if you can't bear to be near him as a friend and he is not interested then I think you did the right thing going no contact.
In time, the pain will lessen.... (read in full...)
He says he's using porn to remind himself of me
Q. My ex boyfriend and i fell out over his porn use. He claimed he looked at women who look like me to recreate the joy he had from the night before, he was a virgin and claimed it left him buzzing. However he didn't say he often used to it to think ...
A. 11 December 2012: when I want to be reminded of sex with my husband I close my eyes and poof there it is... you don't need porn to remind you of something you've done...
I am not sure why you think a man saying he uses porn to remind him of YOU is to make you ... (read in full...)
How can I ask my girlfriend to have anal sex with me?
Q. Hi, i need some advice from the ladies. I have a wonderful girlfriend and we love each other very much. I love her to bits and she is super hot. I would like to have anal sex with her, i noticed that when i touch her, or lick her there, it arous...
A. 11 December 2012: It's not just the first time that hurts. IT HURTS.
I agree with Ciar totally.... if she agrees to try it it may be a one shot deal.
I also agree with YouWish in terms of technique.
I want to add not only should you be well washed...... (read in full...)
Am I being paranoid?
Q. Hey guys, please tell me if you think im just being paranoid about this. Me and my boyfriend (both 18) have been together 6 months and mostly everything is great. Except I really really like him and im worried he doesnt feel the same way. Its ju...
A. 11 December 2012: If you want to feel missed and adored you need to give him the chance to do so.
that means not calling him or asking to see him.
It's tough to do and it clearly will show you if your fears are justified.
some guys are just lazy about mak... (read in full...)
I trust HIM, not HER!
Q. One more question before I go. There is a girl who texts my boyfriend relentlessly. She's my age or younger and is a compulsive flirt. I also know of her because she coerced my friend's ex-boyfriend to run away with her while he was still dating...
A. 11 December 2012: if you truly trusted him, she would not even be a speck of a bother to you.
and it's up to him to tell her to back off not you.
if he totally ignores her and she continues then he can block her number.
if he's not told her to back off tha... (read in full...)
Fading feelings in a LDR, maybe he's not my true love?
Q. Hi, ive been dating this guy for a while and we love each other but we've gone long distance for four months now and although we talk about marriage and spending our lives together, lately my feelings have been fading, i just don't know with him ...
A. 11 December 2012: how long will your bf be gone? are you LDR now permanently?
if it's just a short term thing maybe wait and see if him moving back home makes a difference.
if the LDR is permanent then it's time to end it.... (read in full...)
Who should I be upset with? The girl? My friend? Or myself?
Q. Who should I be upset with? The girl? My friend? Or myself? So we are all freshman in college. I met this girl and we both really liked each other. We have the same interests, are very social and serious students. She told me she really liked me ...
A. 11 December 2012: Ok to recap:
you met a girl you like her but not enough to have a relationship with her so you want to be friends. That's fine.
then your friend went after her (you rejected her proposal of more than friends) and she danced and kissed him. ... (read in full...)
My sex life with my boyfriend of seven years is unsatisfying.
Q. I am 25 yrs old my boyfriend of 7 years just turned 24 and our sex life sucks we don't have one he sleeps all.day and plays video games all night we don't sleep together anymore when I'm in the mood he tells me I'm a freak to leave him alone he ...
A. 11 December 2012: If he makes no effort, then I see no choice.
If he sleeps all day and plays games all night when does he work or go to school?
if he doesn't who is supporting him? If it's you... well then honey you have an albatross around your neck that y... (read in full...)
Should I allow my boyfriend to do something sexually that I'm not comfortable with?
Q. My boyfriend of over a year keeps asking me to let him cum on my face... We've done literally everything else and I feel he should be happy with all the stuff we do. He just won't leave me alone about it. I think I would feel really disgusting and ...
A. 11 December 2012: I've had it done to me. I don't get it. I don't like it and I think that if I truly loved the man I was with now, I might let him try it once, but I would make sure he knew it was what HE wanted and it was not about what I WANTED and it did NOTHING ... (read in full...)
My bf wants pics of me should I send them?
Q. Hi Recently my bf asked me to send pics of myself in underwear I love him and trust him and I want to do it... its not I don't feel comfortable with it and he said if I don't want to do it its fine but I don't want him thinking I am some kind...
A. 9 December 2012: Please don't do it
1. it's illegal because you are under age
2. he sees you all the time why does he need pics of you in your underwear?
3. he will show them to his friends or worse post them online (and if he doesn't what's to stop a fri... (read in full...)
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