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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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What's the difference between sexual attraction and love?
Q. Hi, Anybody out there that can tell me What the difference is between sexual attraction And love? And doesn't it go hand in hand? Thanks...
A. 5 December 2012: There is an old saying that I think applies here:
“women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place”
... (read in full...)
Why is he distancing himself?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for just over a year. For the last month or two he's become distant. We don't have sex anymore except on "special occasions". Whenever we're together he constantly has his head in his phone or he's "tired" ...
A. 5 December 2012: ah ok... I see now... yep I agree it's family pressure.
that's hard to deal with..
If you have talked and told him how you feel and he can't give you want you want... perhaps you need to let him go home full time for a bit and miss you eno... (read in full...)
Was I wrong to end my long term relationship over my boyfriend's porn habits?
Q. I have always had a problem with my boyfriend’s porn use and we would get into fights about it where he would promise one day he would give it up when he was satisfied with our sex life. I would then promise to let it go and stop snooping on him. ...
A. 4 December 2012: I agree he's an addict not just a casual user.
you did the right thing.
I don't have issues with porn in relationships as long as it does not take precedence nor overshadow the relationship. In your case, it was the number one activity ... (read in full...)
I'm worried that he doesn't enjoy sex with me. He's always too tired for anything other then a handjob or blowjob.
Q. I've been seeing this guy for little while now. We began having sex 1 month into the relationship, and it was amazing! But, since he began a new job, which can be physically demanding, we hardly ever have sex. We only spend the night together on ...
A. 4 December 2012: my husband is happy with a blow job. we rarely have sex even though he loves me and wants me happy.
I thought i would be ok with it since i get affection and kisses and hugs daily but I'm starting to not be ok with it. I feel used and unlo... (read in full...)
Why does he keep changing his mind?
Q. so my boyfriend of two years broke up with me i was totally wrecked apart i kept texting him and calling him n he said we need time off we cant get back together right now so i stop texting and calling n send him a letter telling him it was fine ...
A. 4 December 2012: “I don’t know what to do”
You need to let him go. Block his number, his email, his facebook, whatever access you two have to each other needs to be ended.
He broke up with you
You dogged after him (I was totally wrecked apart I kept tex... (read in full...)
Can FWB relationships work and become something else later on?
Q. I live with a friend of mine who I have know for about 15 years, we met at school and have always been good friends. We hung out in the same group and when we were at college became closer. When I broke up with my ex I needed help with the rent and ...
A. 4 December 2012: I would go for a full blown relationship... why bother with FWB if you both care?
Even with FWB if you care you take a risk.
Life is about risks.
It's really not like the movies in most cases FWB does not work. SOMEONE gets hurt... usual... (read in full...)
I just found my boyfriend on a gay website...
Q. I have just found my boyfriend on a gay website and on a dating website. We have been together for 6 months and we are very close and he's really close with my 2 kids. I have asked him about this and he says he didn't set up the gay 1 and that he ...
A. 4 December 2012: oh who is this girl and how does she have your email.
if you had just caught him I'd be sure he was on them and he was lying to you but the fact that a third party is getting involved seems a bit odd.
does he know she emailed you? what d... (read in full...)
Is this depression or merely a stage of life?
Q. Ok so over the past 6 months i have really started to have a negative outlook on life, i do everything slowly and i just feel like there is no point to life. I am 16 years old single, do not care for relationships have 1 best friend of 4 years and a ...
A. 4 December 2012: you might have some depression. being depressed does not always mean being suicidal.
if you isolate (you do)
if you have no joy in life at all
if you don't have drive
these are all signs of low grade depression.
this is a fairly easy t... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend happier without me around?
Q. Me and my boyfriend recently lived together for six months, then due to him needing to sort his thoughts out and have space(wasnt sure if he was ready for a relationship etc) we decided i should move home with family. so for the last half of the...
A. 4 December 2012: the only one who knows he is happier without you around is him.
IF you have asked him and he has said no, then you must take him at his word. DO NOT hammer at him about it. LET IT GO.
... (read in full...)
I'm nervous about doing sexual things with a more experienced guy!
Q. I've been talking to this guy for a few months and we've recently told each other we like each other. We were playing the question game and he asked me if i'd like to try being friends with benefits, however: - i've never had a boyfriend - i'v...
A. 4 December 2012: DO NOT DO this FWB thing. NOT with this boy.
I personally think that FWB is only to be for older divorced people who know what they want and what is missing.
TEENS and singles do NOT need FWB... (no one NEEDS it)
you are young
yo... (read in full...)
Why is he distancing himself?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for just over a year. For the last month or two he's become distant. We don't have sex anymore except on "special occasions". Whenever we're together he constantly has his head in his phone or he's "tired" ...
A. 4 December 2012: OP,
Even with anxiety his behavior with the phone and when he’s with you screams that he’s keeping a secret. Have you asked to see what’s on his phone? If so what happens? Does he get angry and defensive and try to say you are not trus... (read in full...)
I'm tired of the bickering! Should we just go to therapy?
Q. I have been married for over 4 years. My wife and I have had a rocky relationship, we are both strong willed people. But we always seem to make it work and we love each other. However, because of our differences, it seems our communication is...
A. 3 December 2012: yep therapy is all about communication... it can help you learn to communicate.
I strongly recommend it.... (read in full...)
Is it ok to ask the doctor for an x-ray so I can see my condition?
Q. i have scoliosis, one of my hips are flat and the other comes out alot which makes my body tilt to one side. im curantly doing physiotherapy. i haven't had an x ray at all, according to the GP my scoliosis isn't that bad, but i think it looks bad, ...
A. 3 December 2012: getting an x-ray just because you want one is not a wise idea.
it exposes your body to radiation which with built up exposure is dangerous. it can affect fertility.
So you can ask the doctor why you don't need an x-ray and they can explain... (read in full...)
B/f is making up every excuse possible to not meet my family
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for almost two years now and because of our financial situation we were never able to go from upstate New England to Florida to visit my mother and little brother. I've been promoted and I'm now full time and I have paid ...
A. 3 December 2012: Ya know, if you asked me right now to miss work for a pleasure trip, I'd say no. I just don't have the time to be off of work right now.
And to miss two days of classes for me would be killer.
Can't you go when he doesn't have school?
... (read in full...)
I'd like him to take the lead in organizing our weekends together! Ideas?
Q. Helllo, hope you can help me with something! It isn't a big deal but I would like some input on this issue because it's bothering me a bit. :) I drive, and my boyfriend doesn't. We live about a 50 mins drive apart, and fairly often I drive ...
A. 3 December 2012: Just let him know that you are always up for a visit but since you fear he's not as happy about it as you, from now on you will wait for an invite.
Word of caution... do not jump when he calls at the last minute.
Make him ask in advance. ... (read in full...)
How do you know if your're fighting for love or just plain fooling your self?
Q. Dear cupid, How do you know if your're fighting for love or just plain fooling your self. I split from my bf 8 months ago and we have not spoken since. We we were together 2 years, he was the first guy i loved, i freaked because of the break up....
A. 3 December 2012: You are over and done. It's time for you to accept this and stop holding on to hope that he's coming back. He's not.
He's polite to you when you contact him because that's what grownups do, they are polite and friendly to folks even if they don... (read in full...)
Why is she ignoring me?
Q. I have a problem with a friend. So I am still in high school so i met this new amazing girl and in so little time we got to know each other alot in a week we are already calling each other and it turns out that she has a boyfriend and she calls me ...
A. 3 December 2012: she has a boyfriend
she likes you
to avoid temptation she ignores you.
... (read in full...)
Why is he distancing himself?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for just over a year. For the last month or two he's become distant. We don't have sex anymore except on "special occasions". Whenever we're together he constantly has his head in his phone or he's "tired" ...
A. 3 December 2012: Some things that popped out to me:
“For the last month or two he's become distant.”
“We don't have sex anymore except on "special occasions".”
“Whenever we're together he constantly has his head in his phone or he's "tired" so we hardly eve... (read in full...)
I love her already despite the fact we havent met yet, but will I get my heart broken?
Q. Hi, I'm not new to relationships or dealing with women, however; this is a little more complicated than I would like it to be and could use some opinions. I have a problem trying to decide if this girl is worth my time. It all started a few weeks ...
A. 3 December 2012: Go meet her. spend some time with her. get to know her.
do not make plans to move just yet... for all you know when you meet her you may not click..
and if you do click... don't immediately jump into living together.
If you are willi... (read in full...)
My husband is spending Christmas in Australia without me!
Q. My husband of a year and 9 months decided to go on hols to Australia for 6 weeks (he only works at peak seasonal times) - i couldn't get off work. He rang at weekend saying he was gonna stay with his mates over christmas and new year. I am totally ...
A. 3 December 2012: I think it sucks.
I think he's not into this marriage... did you get married because HE wanted it or because you wanted it and he went along for the ride?
I would tell him if he does not come home for Christmas and New years he can find a new h... (read in full...)
Since we moved in together he is a different person, I've tried talking to him but it doesn't work! Help!
Q. Why do people change to the worst. I've been dating my boyfriend for years and he was romantic an caring. Since we live in together his now a total different person, he doesn't want to do anything in the house. I have come from work cook, clean and ...
A. 3 December 2012: My husband and I had this exact conversation yesterday.
I said "I do the cooking and the cleaning (although we have a maid now bi-weekly I still do the day to day stuff) and the laundry and take care of your 'personal needs'. What do you do a... (read in full...)
I'm in love with my FWB and cant stand him sleeping with other women, how do I end this once and for all?
Q. Hi i have been having sex with a man who is 36 and im 26 on and off for 2 years now. its been more friends with benefits than anything else, then i found out he had slept with someone else when we had agreed not to sleep with anyone else. stupidly i ...
A. 3 December 2012: He is a user. He's using you. He takes advantage of your forgiving nature.
He can't cheat on you since you are FWB not boyfriend girlfriend.
YOU block his phone number
YOU block his email
YOU block his facebook/twitter
YOU walk... (read in full...)
My sister caught me watching porn and I'm afraid she'll tell my parents.
Q. my sister caught me watching porn. im to scared to talk to her now. she's always so nosey, she reads my diary and stalks me, i know i shouldn't be watching porn, and i have tried to curve the habit. how can i make it seem not that bad? what is she ...
A. 3 December 2012: “I know that I shouldn’t be watching porn and I have tried to curve (sic) the habit” vs… “I always ignore it but one day I decide to click on it I watched it and my sister caught me”
So which is it OP… a one time thing or an ongoing problem ... (read in full...)
While researching traits of an abusive partner, I discovered that not only does my partner show these, so do I.Can you have an abusive partner that makes you abusive?
Q. hi everyone, ive been reading through a lot of different things e.g internet, and posting on here trying to figure out how to make my relationship better. but along the way i have found that my boyfriend may be abusive. however when i was rese...
A. 3 December 2012: IF he's hit you (even in the past) he's abusive.
I live with an alcoholic abuser. it's not fun. BUT I'm aware of it and it doesn't take away from me... I'm strong enough to deal with it although most folks would crumble. I strongly adv... (read in full...)
A friend has asked me to have a threesome with himself and another male friend of his. Should I do this?
Q. A man I have liked quietly for some time and known for over a year reently messaged out the blue with a few out of character messages. We have always just been casual friends as he is with many people. These messages were very come onish and at ...
A. 3 December 2012: I'm very open sexually and I would not do it.
you like him but it's casual
pictures come back to haunt.
it's not the same as modeling of any kind.
In my opinion "just say no"... (read in full...)
I won't see her in person for at least a year. Could it work?
Q. So my friend just confessed to having feelings of wanting to be with me. And to be honest, I'm considering it. But the thing I'm taking into consideration is that it would be long distance. She's working in another country and lately I've only been ...
A. 3 December 2012: If you hear from her once every three weeks, she’s just not that into you. I would not tie myself down to someone who is so far and you won’t be able to see. I’ve done LDRs. The only one that worked was the one where we saw each other ... (read in full...)
I am dating this girl she is 31+ and still a virgin!! will this bring any difficulty on ever becoming pregnant??
Q. Hey, I am dating this girl she is 31+ and still a virgin!! will this bring any difficulty on ever becoming pregnant??...
A. 3 December 2012: virginity has no bearing on fertility....
... (read in full...)
I'd just like to have be married before 30 and start having kids around 30?
Q. well here is my situation. I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 and 1/2 years and we are very happy together. We have been living together for a little over a year now. He's got a 4 year degree and I'm just about done with mine. The thing is, I'm ...
A. 3 December 2012: I think that long engagements are a crock to be honest.
if you are together and you are happy then there is no need to be engaged long term... you get engaged when you are ready to start planning the wedding...
so if you are 5 years... (read in full...)
I'm obsessed with my ex, who I despise, and I don't know how to stop.
Q. I am obsessing over my ex who never treated me with any kind of respect for thoughtfulness, and just used me and strung me along for a year and a half. I was really upset and heartbroken, and kinda pissed off, when things ended for good in the ...
A. 3 December 2012: The opposite of love is not hate. The opposite of love is ambivalence.
Love and hate are both powerful emotions. I don't hate any of my ex partners. In fact, I have NO FEELINGS about them at all... I could care less about them.
You are... (read in full...)
What should be shared in a relationship and what should be private?
Q. What should be shared in a relationship after a year and 3 months? Is it wrong to want to see his facebook, cell phone etc? I have no problem showing mine! I feel like people with nothing to hide, hide nothing and all he says he wants is privacy! ...
A. 3 December 2012: My husband and I share everything. Phones are not password protected... we share our personal passwords, I see his mail, he sees mine... both electronic and paper. He sees my facebook stuff...
We don't DEMAND it... but it's availabl... (read in full...)
My 16 year old son is in love with a woman who is 24 years older than him!
Q. My 16 year old son is in love with a woman 24 years older than hisself, he met her when he was in a Subway with friends, he's told me theyve been secretly dating for over a month now and that the relationships not based on sex but proper love. She's ...
A. 3 December 2012: UGH... I hate it when i have to dis an age gap with an older woman younger man... we get enough grief as it is... BUT in this case... OH NO...
he's 16
she's 40 and she's just crazy creepy... I'm sorry he's a BOY she's supposedly (at l... (read in full...)
Would you commit to someone who treated you like this?
Q. Hello -- I've been with a girl (30) for 15 months now. Initially everything was great, but as the months wore on, some issues have came to light. She's pushing hard for commitment; living together, marriage, kids eventually, etc, and is threatening ...
A. 3 December 2012: Not only should you be cautious, I think you need to end the relationship.
SHE is pushing for commitment and you don’t want it… and she THREATENS to end the relationship because you are not moving fast enough for her? CALL HER BLUFF.
The pro... (read in full...)
He doesn't want to have sex and puts his friends before me. Why?
Q. After ending a 10 year relationship i begun a relationship with a friend who i really love. He is 43 years old and appears to be a commitment phobic! We have always had a good sex life....in the 8 months we have been together. Recently he does not ...
A. 2 December 2012: Anti-depressants can destroy any libido a person has. If you do have a libido you often have the inability to orgasm. Sex becomes very unfun when on anti-depressants.
That may be his issue.
As for seeing him more than twice a week, ... (read in full...)
While house-sitting for my girlfriend, I discovered she is not the person she lead me to believe she is.
Q. So I have been with my girlfriend about 4 months and I thought things were going great. We got serious very quickly however and ended up spending almost every day together. Lately I've felt very uncertain about several things I've discover...
A. 2 December 2012: cheater
liar
emotional blackmailer.
It's best to break up with her since your drives are mismatched.... (read in full...)
How long do women need foreplay before being turned on?
Q. Hello I've read an artice on internet which showed something different what I've knew until now. In this article is mentioned that to turn a woman on needs at least 15 minutes foreplay and sometimes even more( I thout 5 to 10 minutes its enough) ...
A. 2 December 2012: The next in a series from this poster....
it depends on many things. there is no set time.
How long does foreplay take.. until she's ready. If you are talented that could be 15-20 minutes... if you are not talented, an hour maybe... (read in full...)
I don't want or feel like having sex EVER!! My husband gets grumpy & moody, and keeps dropping hints about sex.
Q. Ok,.. here is the deal,.. and I know I'm not alone here. I don't have a sex drive anymore, I don't want it, don't need it. Of course my other half says he'll be patient,... NOT! About once every month or 2 I'll give in, and even though I'm not in ...
A. 2 December 2012: If you have not had a complete medical and hormonal work up get one. IT is NOT normal for you to be this hateful of sex at your age.
I can tell you when I was a SAHM I was touched out most of the time... I practiced modified attachment parentin... (read in full...)
My long distance boyfriend has stopped talking to me.
Q. Okay so my boyfriend and i have been dating for 4months now and well it's long distance.. He teells me he loves me. Now he hasn't talked to me in a week and he like ignoring me.. Everyone tells me he don't love me and that he's ceating on me. Idk ...
A. 1 December 2012: Sweet young thing, you are too young for an LDR. You need time and money to have a long distance relationship. This is something teens are always short of.
If you never even met this boy then you don't know who he is at all and you were jus... (read in full...)
Would you consider an internet romance to be cheating?
Q. Would it be cheating if my girlfriend went on internet and talked to some guy and they had a little romance over the internet for not a long time before i cought her. She then told me they did nothing. But I read the email and they were flirting and ...
A. 1 December 2012: yep it's cheating.
ANYTHING you can't don't or won't tell your partner is cheating in my book.
... (read in full...)
The guy I'm just starting to date may have given me strep throat. Should I tell him?
Q. I have this crush on a guy who I think gave me strep throat about a month ago when we hung out. How do I tell him? What if I'm wrong? I met this guy this past summer at an event. He body painted me and we became friends on facebook and I finally got ...
A. 1 December 2012: oh one more thing about the antibiotics with strep and why they are so important..... it's not to get rid of the strep... that will go away by itself but, you can get rheumatic fever of the heart if you don't take the full complete course of ... (read in full...)
Should I be worried?
Q. I am have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for two months, and things have been going a little off and on, One second she will act like I'm the best guy ever, the next she hates me. On top of that I catch her in lies all the time. She seem...
A. 30 November 2012: my only concern is the lying.... what kinds of lies do you mean...
... (read in full...)
The guy I'm just starting to date may have given me strep throat. Should I tell him?
Q. I have this crush on a guy who I think gave me strep throat about a month ago when we hung out. How do I tell him? What if I'm wrong? I met this guy this past summer at an event. He body painted me and we became friends on facebook and I finally got ...
A. 30 November 2012: OH please. it's strep throat not an STD.
When I was a child I was a carrier of strep. So was my brother. Johns Hopkins Hospital had us under study for years.
we didn't have to live in bubbles or miss school.. just get our throats cultured... (read in full...)
Why are married men attracted to me?
Q. Well I am going to start off saying this I don't understand why married men seem to be attracted to me I don't flirt with them under no circumstances they seem to aim my way.I am not the one to break no ones home up I don't believe in doing this ...
A. 30 November 2012: Ok so it’s not ALL married men. It’s ONE guy, it’s your BOSS… and clearly you find him attractive… (the comment “if he was single I would take him” speaks volumes)
He is not sexually harassing you if he’s not saying “you do this and I’ll giv... (read in full...)
What's the difference between sexual attraction and love?
Q. Hi, Anybody out there that can tell me What the difference is between sexual attraction And love? And doesn't it go hand in hand? Thanks...
A. 30 November 2012: Sexual attraction and love do NOT go hand in hand. They can and it's great when they do... then you marry them.
but you can be sexually attracted to someone (ie. I'll put him on my "to do list") and think he's hot but his brain does not att... (read in full...)
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